Quiet Strength
by InvisiblePrincess2002
Summary: When Mia has a crisis concerning her health, her loved ones struggle to deal with the possibility of losing her, and with facing the memories of how it all started in the first place. And no one struggles with it all more than Clarisse does.
1. A Tough Valentine's Day

**This story is based on the movies ****_The Princess Diaries _****and ****_The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement_****, which are the property of Meg Cabot and Disney. No infringement is intended.**

**Note to readers: This story will be dealing with themes of violence and heavy subject material in later chapters. ****_This is not _****going to be a very lighthearted story overall, so be forewarned. Also, I'm going to be telling this story in the first person, from the points of view of the characters so when you see a character's name in italics at the beginning of a chapter, it means that that chapter is being told from that particular character's point of view.**

**Chapter One**

_Mia_

_February 14, 2014_

After I attended several diplomatic meetings earlier in the day, I held a meeting with my security staff to discuss the arrangements for the charity dinner that was scheduled to be held in the palace dining room later that evening. While everybody else in the world was thinking romance, I was thinking diplomacy, security detail, and running a country. It always amazed me the way that people think it's such a dream to be a royal. Today was one of those days where I would have given just about anything to simply be an ordinary woman enjoying her Valentine's Day with her husband, and to _not _have to deal with all the stress that went with having the well-being of an entire nation resting on my shoulders.

But even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew that it was much more than the regular stress and strain of my job that was making it so hard for me to get through the day. It was true that I certainly missed Lionel; he and his Uncle Sebastian and Aunt Sheila were in L.A. attending a cousin's wedding, but it was a lot more besides being in a stressful career and missing my husband that was getting to me. I honestly couldn't explain why, but for some crazy reason, ever since a couple of days ago, I had been absolutely filled to the brim with pure terror. Not fear. Not anxiety. Not stress. _Terror! _And I simply could not understand why, but for some strange, unknown reason, I felt completely certain, _I just knew it_ with all my heart and soul that something unbelievably awful was going to happen. I hadn't felt that frightened since six years ago.

But I'd had good reason to be petrified right down to the bone back then. Some pretty awful things were happening to me then, but I _didn't _have any reason to be so scared now. It didn't make the slightest bit of sense, which is why I was pretty angry at myself. I yearned so badly to be able to cancel the meeting and the charity dinner and to be able to just crawl into bed and hide under the covers and cry my eyes out. I had already cried myself to sleep last night, thinking and hoping that doing that would make me feel better, but it didn't. When I woke up this morning, I felt just as terrified as I'd felt before I'd fallen asleep. _And it was for absolutely no reason! _I was a _ruler _for heaven's sake! I had an entire _country _to be responsible for, and here I was, wanting to cancel all my duties for the day just so I could run off and cry like a little baby. It was _ridiculous! Heaven knew _Clarisse Renaldi never had an experience like this, and I was sure my grandfather never had, either, may he rest in peace. How, _how _I wished I could be as strong and rock-solid as they always were! True, I never knew King Rupert, God rest his soul, but I'd been told for years what a strong, confident ruler he always was, and Grandma most definitely _never _lacked strength or confidence. Just in that split second before Joe, Shades, and the rest of the security staff came into my office, I said to myself, _Oh Mia, if only you'd stayed the invisible girl that you were before you met Grandma! You should _never_ have taken this job! You're not perfect enough to be able to handle it the way Grandma always is!_

When Joe and all the others came in, though, I took a quick breath and tried to clear all the other thoughts from my mind, and I focused on our meeting as best I could. I hoped and prayed none of the men there could see the terror in my eyes and the tears I was fighting so hard to hold back. When the meeting was over about ten or fifteen minutes later, much to my relief, everybody started leaving my office without saying a word. Somehow, I'd managed to mask it, amazingly enough…

…or so I thought. Joe came back into my office after everyone else was gone and shut the door behind him, and I immediately realized that I shouldn't have been surprised. Of all the guards on our security staff, nobody knew me better than Joe did. Sometimes, I've even thought to myself that Joe knew me better than my own husband, or even better than Grandma, despite the fact that God gave her that incredible gift of hers. Joe didn't need Grandma's gift in order to be able to see right through whatever royal, professional mask I might have been trying to wear at the moment, because he had the most powerful sense of instinct I have ever seen in another human being. It's undoubtedly what's made him such a wonderful Royal Head of Security all these years. All it took was one careful look, and his eyes could penetrate right through the mask and get down to my very soul. In all the years I've known this special man, I have never once been able to lie to him or fool him about anything. No matter what, Joe always saw the truth about whatever's going on inside of me. I imagine that's one of the things Grandma's loved the most about him through the years.

"_Mija_, let's drop all the titles and royal business for just a moment. Talk to your papa. What's wrong, sweetheart? Something's bothering you, _terribly. _I can see it in your eyes."

To say the least, my relationship with Joe had greatly changed from what it was in the beginning. We started out as friends, and as I grew older, he became a treasured confidant I felt completely safe opening up to. But then again, I'd practically always felt that I could talk to Joe about anything, especially my insecurities, without having to worry about him being judgmental about it, and that increased exponentially when I took Grandma's place as Queen of Genovia. Neither one of us had ever really admitted it, never really said the words out loud to each other before, but deep down, I'd come to look on Joe over the years as the father I never had. But when I was so ill six years ago that it honestly looked like I'd never get another chance to tell Joe what was in my heart, with what little strength I had left at the time, I poured my heart out to him, and he called me _mija _for the very first time and told me he felt the same way. To put it mildly, it was a huge turning point for both of us. Sure, as my semi-retired Royal Head of Security, there were times when we had to use titles and be all professional, but first and foremost now, he was Papa to me and I was _mija _to him. And he was still the same old tough, quiet, no-nonsense Joe to the palace staff, but after I almost died that time, he was much more tender with me now, and at some point in the day when it was just us, he called me things like "sweetie," "sweetheart," "honey," etc., and I've always felt so privileged to get to see this special side of Joe that few others do.

"Is it _really _that obvious, Papa? And here I thought I was giving such a good performance," I joked. In reality, of course, I'd felt like I was barely hanging on by a thread.

"Oh trust me, my dear, you were," he assured me in the most loving voice. "Your performance was just as stellar as the ones your grandma would put on after she'd had a rough day. But you can't fool me because I've been at this job for far too long not to be able to spot it when the Queen is putting on the performance of the cool, royal professional while something's bothering her inside. And on top of that, you're not only dealing with the Royal Head of Security; you're also dealing with a daddy, here, and we daddies know our little girls."

I couldn't help but smile at that, and then I got up from my seat, walked around my desk, and kissed my papa's cheek.

"I may be kind of stressed today, Papa, but I'll live; I promise you," I assured him with far more bravado than I felt.

Then just as I was about to sit back down at my desk and get some paperwork done before I went upstairs to start getting ready for the charity dinner, Joe put his hand on my shoulder and asked me, "Is your neck still bothering you?"

Best I could figure it, my Royal Head of Security _must _have had eyes in the back of his head, because despite the fact that my neck and my jaw had been killing me for the past two days, I resisted rubbing them to try to get a little bit of relief except for the times when I was alone in my suite, or when I was _certain _that Joe wasn't in the room or that he had his back turned to me. I had to hand it to my papa. He was way too good at his job.

But naturally, when he asked about my neck I had to play dumb, so I responded, "My neck? What're you talking about, Joe?"

"I've noticed you rubbing your neck once or twice here lately. Is it still hurting?"

"You worry way too much." I deliberately didn't answer his question.

"Have you seen Dr. Adams about it?"

We had a doctor's office right there in the palace, and the doctor to the Genovian Royal Family for the past eight years, a lovely, average-sized black lady named Dr. Rachel Adams, lived in the palace with us and was always on call. We liked each other very much right from the start and we were pretty good friends.

"You know I don't go running to see Dr. Adams every time I sneeze. So my neck aches a bit. Big deal, Papa. I'm running an entire nation, here, and sometimes I feel a little stressed, and that's probably what's making my neck hurt. It simply comes with the job, and it's hardly anything worth bothering Dr. Adams over."

"That's what she's here for, _mija_."

"To hold a Kleenex out for me and tell me to blow?" I teased and Joe rolled his eyes at me.

"You know perfectly well what I mean," he said as he barely managed to suppress a chuckle.

"I think somebody's being a little too overprotective today."

"That's what _I'm _here for. Look _mija_, I know that you've got everybody getting on your case all the time about taking care of your health, and I'm sure it's bound to get tiresome to you, but you've got to remember that when it comes to your health, we cannot take any chances. Your body has been through so much, love, and we have to be careful where you're concerned. As a matter of fact, where _you're _concerned, I think it's impossible to be _too _careful. Now please, promise me you'll go and see Dr. Adams if you start feeling any worse."

I'd dreamed of having a father in my life for so long and now that he was finally there, I could never refuse a request from him, especially such a loving one.

"Okay," I whispered, and then Joe hugged me and kissed the top of my head before he finally left to get to work on the security detail for the charity dinner, and left me to one of my most favorite duties as Queen of Genovia: my endless stack of paperwork!

When it was time for me to go upstairs to my suite to start getting ready for the charity dinner that evening, I was grateful no one else was around at the moment as I started climbing the staircase, because I was terribly shaky and it suddenly took all my strength just to climb one step after another. My grip on the railing was so tight, my knuckles were white, and I was so glad Joe wasn't there to see it because even though he was perfect at convincing everyone around him how tough he was, I also knew how deeply he worried about me, especially in times like these when he was afraid something was wrong. I still wasn't ready to concede that there might have been something going wrong with me yet; I was still convincing myself that it was merely my body's reaction to all the stress and daily pressures of my job, but I did make up my mind that once the charity dinner was finally over that night, I would indeed keep my promise to my papa and see Dr. Adams about it.

Then all of the sudden, I heard Grandma's voice coming from the top of the stairs. I looked up, but I only saw the back of her head, so mercifully, she hadn't seen me struggle to ascend a simple staircase…at least not yet. As much as I knew Joe worried about me, not even his level of concern and overprotection could compete with Grandma's. While I listened to her discussing her wardrobe for the dinner with one of her lady's maids, I remembered how distraught she'd been when, a couple of days after I'd finally come home from the hospital six years ago, I tripped and fell down the same stairs.

* * *

It had been a lovely spring day, and after being cooped up in a hospital room for all those months, even a palatial hospital room as huge as mine had been, I was anxious for the luxury of being able to enjoy a good walk outside. Grandma wouldn't even let me get near paperwork the first several days after coming home, so I'd resigned myself to the fact that whether I liked it or not, I was still going to be out of commission as a queen for a while. With that being the case, I actually then had the time to lounge about, relax, take a walk, and do some reading – which were much the same things I'd been doing in the hospital, of course, but at least now I could do them at home.

"Going somewhere?" Grandma asked just as I'd started descending the staircase.

"I'm just going for a little walk outside," I answered her.

"Are you sure you're up to that, little one?" she asked with clear concern in her voice, which really touched me. Before I'd gone through that harrowing ordeal in the hospital, let's just say that Grandma hadn't always made her feelings of concern for me all that obvious. I mean, of course she'd shown me in her own way that she loved me through the years, but because I'd been such an unattractive klutz when we first met while she'd been this incredibly regal, graceful royal, I'd constantly felt that I could never hope to measure up to her, and I'd always sensed it that at least a part of her heavily looked down on me because of all the ways we both _knew_ I could never measure up to her. But after my little brush with death that hadn't been so little, things drastically changed between us, even more so than they did between Joe and me. I'd always felt our relationship was based on how well I performed as a royal in the past and I think she did too, without either one of us fully realizing it. Sure, she'd said the words that I was her granddaughter first and a Genovian royal second, but I honestly never really _felt _that way until the time I almost died. Before, I'd always known that she'd loved and cared for me, but it wasn't until I nearly lost my life that she showed me just how deep that love actually went, and to say the least, I was amazed. And it felt so good to know that from that point on, Clarisse Renaldi's biggest concern in our relationship was my well-being and_ not _the question of whether or not I was living up to her expectations.

"It's just a little walk, Grandma, not a marathon," I chuckled.

"Let me tell you something, my little dear. You crossed the finish line of the Boston Marathon the moment you left the hospital and set foot inside the palace again!" Grandma responded, and I smiled at the "little dear" comment. Grandma had called me sweet, lovey-dovey names occasionally in the past. Sometimes she'd call me darling or dear, but ever since my extended illness happened, she didn't just call me by my name, or darling or dear. From that point on, I was "little one," "little darling," "little love," "little dear," etc., and just like with Joe, I felt truly privileged because there aren't _that _many people on planet earth Clarisse Renaldi would allow herself to get so mushy with.

"Well I thank you very much for the compliment, but you really don't have to make such a huge fuss over me all the time. We both know my doctors wouldn't have allowed me to come home from the hospital if they didn't think I was strong enough to handle it. I'll be fine."

"Do you have your inhaler with you?"

"Surely even lungs as damaged as mine are can handle a simple little stroll through the rose garden. _Will you please _stop worrying?"

"_No I will not _stop worrying, young lady. Since we lost your mother over a year ago, I am now officially both your mother and your grandmother all rolled up into one, and that gives me license to worry about you as much as I want to for the rest of my life."

"You can't spend the whole rest of your life worrying about me all the time, Grandma. All that stress that worrying causes would be very bad for a person your age!" I teased.

"Amelia Mignonette, if you weren't suffering from lung damage, I'd chase you all over the palace right now and catch you and put you over my knee and give you the spanking of your life for saying that!" Grandma teased back, and I laughed. "I don't care if you are the reigning Queen of Genovia!"

"No, you're right about that. I don't think my lungs are up to that much activity just yet. _But they are _up to a nice little rose garden stroll."

"Where's your inhaler, Mia?" Grandma stubbornly asked, refusing to let the inhaler thing go. I knew what the doctors had told me about how important it was that I have my rescue inhaler with me at all times, but I guess I didn't want to carry it around in my pocket because it was another reminder that I wasn't the same healthy Mia Thermopolis I used to be, and I didn't want to be a different person from what I was…a sick person.

"On my nightstand," I sighed, knowing that I'd officially lost the battle.

"I'll go get it for you, and then I'll come back and take a walk with you through the rose garden myself. I could use a little exercise."

Grandma then started to walk away and I let out a small sigh that she couldn't hear. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy her company, of course. It wasn't as if I minded her tagging along for my little stroll through the rose garden; it was just so frustrating to have absolutely everybody around me acting like something as simple as a walk would be fatal to me. You'd think that Grandma, the former Queen of Genovia herself, would understand better than anyone the desire to simply be treated like a human being like everybody else in the world, without servants or the press making the most ridiculous fuss over it practically every time you drew a breath of air. I also really hated seeing her worrying herself to death over me so much for _her_ sake. I may have teased her about her age, but she wasn't getting any younger and I hated to be the cause of so much stressful worrying for her after all she'd already been through. Then again, I knew it was _because _of going through the emotional agony of losing her younger son, my father, nearly seven years ago in that car crash, that she naturally couldn't help but be scared of the possibility of it happening again with me after I'd been so ill. She was _always _going to drive herself crazy worrying about me because of this. There was just simply no way of getting around it.

While Grandma was walking to my suite, I started descending the lower half of the staircase and sure enough, as I took that first step down, my natural clumsiness took over and my foot slipped and down I went. Grandma heard me crash and when she did, she ran down the stairs with the speed of a teenager, despite the fact that she was well into her sixties.

"Mia?! Mia, are you alright?! Are you alright?!" she asked as she raced down the stairs. And while she was racing, I slowly sat up and tried to catch my breath.

"Yeah," I gasped.

Then Grandma knelt down to where I was sitting on the floor and asked me again, "Are you alright?! Honey, are you okay?!" Once again, I was touched by all of Grandma's concern for me, and it was another reminder of how deeply our relationship had changed. It was hard to believe that this obviously very concerned grandma who was kneeling before me now was in fact the same woman who'd stood by countless times in the past when I'd fallen onto much harder floors than that one and said absolutely nothing about it and acted like she couldn't have cared less, while it had been _my lady's maids _who'd bothered to ask the question if I was alright or not. I certainly wasn't glad to see her so worried and upset, of course, but I had to admit that as a granddaughter, it felt pretty good to hear that question coming from Grandma this time and not my lady's maids.

A moment later, Joe, Charlotte, Grandma's lady's maids and my lady's maids came onto the scene and they were all pretty much asking me the same thing.

"_Mija_, what happened?!" Joe asked in a very abrupt tone of voice, but I knew it was only because he was so worried about me, and like with Grandma, I was touched that he was so concerned about me that he forgot to be professional and called me "_mija_."

"She fell down the stairs," Grandma answered.

"Maybe we should get Dr. Adams in here," Charlotte Kutaway suggested. Charlotte had been Grandma's personal assistant for several years, and then when I ascended the throne and got the law forbidding women to serve in Parliament changed, she served in Parliament for over two years. Of course, I'd hired a new assistant to take her place, but she'd never been as helpful to me as Charlotte had been to Grandma, and when I'd had to spend so much time in the hospital, she actually resigned her position in Parliament and took over her old position in the palace. Naturally I'd wanted her to when she first made the offer because she'd always been such a wonderful friend to Grandma and me through the years, as well as a truly incredible assistant, but I tried very hard to talk her out of it because I hated seeing her take such a step backwards with her career. No matter how hard I tried to talk her out of it, however, she was unbelievably stubborn, and she absolutely insisted on coming back to do her old job. And although I hated seeing her do that to her career, I couldn't possibly have been more grateful to have her back, and I don't think Grandma could have been, either.

"Did you fall because you were dizzy?" Joe asked.

"Are you feeling faint, Your Majesty?" Brigitta Lancaster, one of my lady's maids, questioned.

"It might have been fatigue," Brigitte Wyatt, my other lady's maid, suggested.

The fall had really knocked the wind out of me and it had taken me a little time to get my breath back, but when I did, I told them, "Guys, I fell because I'm a klutz!" Thankfully, that got a little bit of a laugh out of everybody and helped to ease the tension.

Then Grandma sat on the floor beside me, put her arm around my shoulders, kissed my temple and told me, "Yeah, but you're the most beautiful little klutz in the world." It was in that moment that I saw it that she was fighting off tears.

* * *

So to say the least, my brush with death six years ago really, _really _shook Grandma up like nothing else ever had, as she herself admitted to me on more than one occasion. And that made me all the more determined not to let on to her about it whenever I had bad days like this one where I wasn't feeling well. If she'd preached the "You have to tell me about it when something's wrong" lecture to me once over the past six years, she'd preached it a billion times, but I wasn't about to cause her more worrying over me than she already did on a daily basis if I could possibly help it.

Luckily for me, Grandma went back to her own suite without turning around to see me, as did Priscilla Thompson, the lady's maid she'd been discussing her evening wardrobe with, and I was able to get to the top of the stairs on my own without anybody seeing me struggling to get there. Then I went to my suite to start getting ready for tonight's dinner, myself. But right after the guards opened the doors to my suite for me and I walked in and they shut them behind me, for the first time since I'd first woke up that morning, I was alone, and my determination to hold back my tears was quickly dissipating. I then decided in that moment that I would allow myself one quick little cry before changing into my evening gown for the royal dinner that night. Perhaps letting all my tears go once again would make it a bit easier for me to stay calm through the charity dinner and act like the calm, poised royal professional I was supposed to be.

Knowing that I couldn't take any chances of anybody overhearing me crying, I went into my bathroom and turned on the water in my shower so that no one could hear me, and then I sat down on the edge of my enormous white marble bathtub, and I just let the sobs go.


	2. The Gift of Prophecy

**Chapter Two**

_Clarisse_

I'd been more fortunate than a lot of women in the world this Valentine's Day. I was blessed with a husband who was every bit as much in love with me as I was with him, and he always took every opportunity to show it. Both my husband, Joseph Romero, and I, had always been very tough, no-nonsense type of people, which was probably one of the reasons we fell in love with each other so many years ago. Our personalities fit together so well and we had so much in common. But even though Joseph had never been very sentimental since he'd always had to put on this "tough guy" persona as our semi-retired Royal Head of Security, when it was just the two of us, he was the most sensitive man alive, and he proved it by the special little lunch date he had prepared for me earlier that day in our suite. We ate by candlelight, even though it was in the middle of the afternoon, and then we enjoyed a short slow dance together before he had to get back to work. As I had officially abdicated the throne and turned it over to my granddaughter Mia nine years ago, I clearly didn't have nearly as much on my plate as I once did, so Joseph and I constantly made certain to take full advantage of my now much freer schedule these days, and we always did romantic things together on days like Valentine's Day, our wedding anniversary, our birthdays, etc. Unlike a lot of men, Joseph _never _forgot days like that.

But while I really enjoyed our little lunch date together today, I couldn't pretend that I wasn't becoming more and more concerned about Mia, and neither could Joseph. In a way, we both felt a little guilty celebrating Valentine's Day together with poor Mia being stuck in the palace away from the man she loved, which was why we made certain to only celebrate the romantic day in private and to not even mention it in front of Mia or anyone else. However, we both knew that it was more than Lionel's absence that had been troubling Mia lately. She did an impeccable job of hiding her true feelings from everyone else around her now. Her nine years of experience as a ruler had served her well, and she was now far more convincing than she used to be whenever she had to pretend that nothing was wrong in front of others, and if I were an outsider, I would've totally believed it that she was perfectly fine today.

But I'm not an outsider. I'm not a reporter, I'm not a member of the palace staff, and I'm not a politician anymore. I'm Grandma, and perhaps even more importantly, I'm Mommy now, too. And no matter what, my Mia _cannot _fool her grandma and her mommy. Sure, after all these years of practice, Mia had the art of pasting a smile onto her face down to a tee no matter what kind of turmoil was going on in her life, but her eyes could never lie to me. And I could tell just by looking into her eyes over the past couple of days that something wasn't right. I tried yesterday evening to get her to open up to me about what it was that seemed to be upsetting her, but she simply would not do it no matter how hard I pushed her, and I realized it then that I would get nowhere. Mia had always been a very sensitive, shy, private soul, and she never really opened up to anybody about anything except whenever _she _felt ready to, so I knew I had no choice but to let the matter drop for a while.

When I had gotten dressed for the charity dinner tonight, though, a little voice in my gut I'd learned never to ignore over the years told me that I needed to go and check on Mia again before we went downstairs to the palace dining room, so I went into Mia's suite and the instant I walked inside, I knew something was up. Ever since Mia was so brutally attacked six years ago, she'd been terrified of the sound of running water. Her husband, Lionel Motaz, had helped her immensely in overcoming her fear of water and with his help, she'd eventually been able to enjoy an occasional soak in her bathtub once again, but she usually just got by with very quick showers in the morning. She no longer needed to wear earplugs while taking a shower, thankfully, but she still found the sound of water unnerving at times, and I knew Mia always wanted to take her showers in the morning and get them behind her as soon as possible. I knew there was no way Mia would be running water in her bathroom now unless she was crying and using the running water to try and drown the sound of it out. And I knew there was no way _that _would happen, no way she would be so upset that she couldn't stop herself from crying and would have to use running water to drown the sound out, unless it were something serious, so I immediately knocked on Mia's bathroom door.

"Mia? Mia, baby, it's Grandma. Talk to me, little one. What's the matter? What is it? What's wrong?"

I waited for several moments until Mia turned off the shower, and then she stuck her head out and said in a low, emotional voice, "Don't worry, Grandma. I'm just having a rough day, that's all. I just need a few more minutes to get changed and then I'll meet you downstairs." I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to see it then that my instincts were right and that she _had_ been crying. I also didn't have to be a rocket scientist to tell that her response to me was her very sweet, loving, polite way of trying to get me focused on the charity dinner instead of her.

"Mia, baby, I'm not going anywhere," I insisted. "Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"I've just had a kind of a bad day, that's all. It's really no big deal."

"Honey, there's something you're not telling me and I want to know what it is. _Now_," I pressed her. I could see it in her eyes that her stubborn resistance to me was finally beginning to break down and that she was starting to feel ready to open up to me, so I knew that if I nudged her into talking to me this time, I'd probably be successful.

And I was right, at least in a manner of speaking. Saying nothing, she merely held out her hands to me, and I knew exactly what that meant.

* * *

I gave myself and my life over to Christ as a teenager, and it had always been my faith in Jesus that had given me the strength I needed to live this kind of life, to survive the pain of a loveless arranged marriage, the pain of the loss of one of my children, and the pain of watching my granddaughter endure medical hell. And on top of the good Lord giving me the supernatural strength He knew I would need to live life as the Queen of Genovia and endure so much pain through the years, He also bestowed on me an incredibly special gift. The Bible calls this gift the gift of prophecy in the New Testament, and ever since I first became a born-again Christian as a teenage girl, I had visions and dreams from God, giving me His prophetic insight into the lives of others, and sometimes even into future events.

Some people may have tried to cheapen the gift by claiming that I was some sort of psychic, especially the tabloids if the public had ever gained this much knowledge about my personal life, which thankfully they never did, but I always knew it was something far more sacred than some paid psychic over the telephone giving people insight into their love life. As the vicar of my father's church in England had explained it to me when I'd first received this gift as a girl, things like tarot cards that psychics used were nothing but pieces of paper with pictures on them, but whenever a person asked those cards, or the stars, or whatever a question, that person was in fact giving the devil an invitation to answer that question. And the devil could give an answer that was a total lie or one that was actually close to the truth, but as the vicar explained to me, it would always be the answer that the devil wanted you to hear, and one that would get you off the path Jesus wanted you to follow.

And just as my faith in Christ had given me the strength that I'd needed to get through the difficult path I'd had to follow as a royal, Mia's faith had done the same thing for her as she was growing up, so she understood completely that the gift of prophecy God had given me was nothing to be taken lightly. It wasn't until six years ago when she first came home from the hospital, though, that I used my gift with her for the very first time. Six years ago, I knew that my relationship with Mia had hit an impasse and that there was no way we could go forward unless I was able to understand things from _her_ perspective. And because it was simply too difficult for Mia to express it all in words, she allowed me to use my gift with her for the very first time, and to put it mildly, what I saw within Mia's mind shook me to the very core. It _literally _changed who I was in my life from that point forward.

But when God allowed me to see inside Mia's mind for the first time, something most unexpected happened. Whenever I'd received prophetic visions from the Lord in the past, they had been brief, only lasting for several seconds at a time, and only giving me a feeling or a sense of what was happening inside someone, or of a future event. When I was given prophetic insight into Mia's mind, however, it was something that was much deeper and much more powerful than a simple vision for a few seconds. _I literally _felt like I, myself, was living out the memories inside Mia's mind, and I felt her emotions and her reactions to those events as if they were my very own, in addition to my own personal reactions to her memories. And what's more, even though Mia had never had the gift of prophecy, whenever I used my gift to gain access to her mind, it was almost as if Mia was temporarily given my gift as well, because she, too, was able to see into _my_ mind and feel _my_ reactions to her memories and experiences.

And entering into Mia's mind for the first time taught me some very powerful lessons, the biggest of which was the old saying to never judge a book by its cover. I was born the daughter of a royal British duke and an Italian countess and raised in one of England's finest boarding schools for young ladies. I'd been taught from practically the moment I was born how to walk, talk, sit, stand, eat, dress, and act like the perfect lady, and the thought of acting or appearing like anything less than "the perfect lady" had always been extremely repugnant to me. I'd always known I had noble blood, the height of class, style, poise, and sophistication running through my veins, and I wasn't about to settle for anything less in my life, which was why my first reaction to the sight of my only grandchild when we finally met each other had not been one of love, but one of revulsion. The first thought that had honestly run through my head when I saw my granddaughter for the very first time was, _Oh, no! She's dreadful! _And although she worked very hard to try to overcome her clumsiness and her lack of poise in the public eye, without me even realizing it, there had always been a tiny part of my mind saying, _Mia will _never _be as poised and classy in the public eye as I am! She's such a hopeless klutz, and she makes so many mistakes all the time! Mia could never _hope _to be as good a royal as I am! _Despite the fact that she'd had to come a terribly long way in a very short period of time and did, there had always been that tiny part of me in the back of my mind that looked down on Mia for several reasons, one of which had been her unkempt appearance before I'd made her get her big makeover. I'd always unfairly assumed that she'd never taken care of her appearance before because she'd simply been careless and lazy. _I'd had absolutely no idea _what had _really _been going on inside of her, and why she'd _really _felt the need to keep herself looking unattractive. And when I did see it all, to say the least, I was so ashamed of myself that I could barely stand it.

That was why I made every effort to avoid her over the next couple of days after that, because I had felt it that the prophetic connection we'd had between our two minds had in fact been a _two-way _connection, that Mia had seen all my thoughts and feelings as much as I had seen hers. I'd felt the hell of what had happened to her as a child, but she had also felt the depth of my snobbery. Of course I'd always loved Mia, but that didn't change the fact that there had been this arrogant, snobbish part of me all along that had looked down on her for completely stupid, superficial reasons. The worst part of it all was the fact that during our connection together, her feelings of pain and sorrow that she could never live up to my expectations came through as clearly as a bell, and it really tore my heart in two.

But when Mia finally tracked me down in my suite the second day after we connected, she tore my heart even further by saying to me, "Grandma, I won't beat around the bush, here. I'm just going to cut to the chase before you disappear on me again. Have I done something wrong? I know that ever since you used your gift with me a couple of days ago, you've been avoiding me. Why? Have I offended you in some way or something?"

I fought off my tears as best I could as I answered, "Oh, sweetheart, _no! _Of course not, baby! You _never, ever _offended me, my little dear. _Never. _And I know it seems that I've been trying to avoid you, but more than anything, I've really just been trying to help _you _avoid _me._"

"Why would I want to avoid you, Grandma?"

"Because of what you've seen in my mind…all this time…all these years that I've been looking down on you, judging you, jumping to such unfair conclusions about you."

"You mean the part of your mind that wished I was fully noble and royal from birth so that I would've been trained for this job all my life and not be such an un-poised klutz, and therefore not such an embarrassment to you, in public? The part of you that got so angry at me every time I made a mistake and wasn't perfect, especially in the public eye? The part of you that believed I wasn't taking care of my appearance as a kid because I was being careless and lazy?"

I was so ashamed I could barely hold my head up and look Mia in the eye, but I managed to somehow, and then I nodded as the tears finally flooded my eyes.

Amazingly, in that moment, Mia actually cupped my face with her hand and looked me in the eye and told me softly, "Grandma…I've always known."

"_You have?_" I asked her incredulously. "But that's impossible. _I _didn't even know I'd been feeling that way all these years!"

"Well, the subconscious mind is a pretty powerful, tricky thing. We can have all sorts of stuff lurking beneath the surface that we're not even aware of, and sometimes other people can even sense things in us that we've managed to keep hidden from ourselves."

"Now you sound like Pierre," I teased. My older son Pierre, who'd been the Crown Prince of Genovia until he'd abdicated to join the priesthood, was a professional psychologist in addition to being a priest, and it was my sessions with him that helped me through it the most when Philippe was killed.

"Well he is a professional shrink, after all. I think he knows what he's talking about."

"I'm sure he does."

"Anyway Grandma, I won't lie, here. Yes, it's true that I _did _sense it that you looked down through your nose on me all these years for simply being me; for being the clumsy girl-next-door who made mistakes and not some cultured, well-bred, well-trained, perfect little debutante lady. And I won't try to pretend that it didn't hurt living with the fact that I could never fully live up to what you wanted, to your idea of what the proper royal, especially the proper _female _royal, should be." I _died _inside when she told me that.

"But when you used your gift with me two days ago, I didn't just see all the ways you'd looked down on me in your subconscious mind," Mia continued. "I felt what you were feeling as you were first seeing my memories of everything I'd been through. And I saw into more than just your subconscious thoughts. I saw _everything_, just like what you saw with my experiences. I saw for the first time just _what _it really did to you inside, never having a moment of privacy for most of your life, being trapped in a marriage without love, and losing a son. It's true that I had sort of felt from time to time that you were being cold in our relationship, but I always understood. I always suspected that the reason for it was your need to shut down your emotions, at least to a certain extent, just so you could survive inside. And seeing inside your mind the other day only confirmed my suspicions.

"And I saw something else, too. I saw it in your mind just how deeply you really do love me, and how sorry you felt for never saying it, and how sorry you felt for never telling me about it whenever I did something really good that made you proud. I saw how terrified you were that you'd never see me again back when everything happened a few months ago. I saw it for the first time that I really do mean the world to you, and I honestly never felt more loved in my entire life than I did when my mind was connected to yours. And actually…I was really sort of hoping that we could do it again. After getting all that love from you poured into me like I did last time, I…well…I want more."

When Mia looked at me with those sweet, precious little eyes of hers and said the words, "I want more," I couldn't help but start tearing up. This was _my baby_, here. My little girl. My sweetest treasure, and I was so ashamed of myself that it had taken her getting viciously attacked and spending _months _fighting to recover in the hospital to make me realize it. But did she blame me for it? Did she hold any of it against me? No. She understood. She'd _always _understood, even without the use of my gift.

Without further ado, I pulled that dear girl into my arms and held her, and once again opened up my mind to hers and showed her all the love I was feeling for her and had _always _felt for her. And as she started sensing all my love for her, she laughed with joy.

* * *

But this time, no amount of love could make Mia laugh with joy, and as soon as my mind connected with hers, I immediately knew why. The day Rupert suffered his crippling heart attack, he had not had the typical symptoms you'd expect to see. He hadn't had the classic feeling of an elephant sitting on his chest that some heart attack victims describe, and he hadn't had any pain radiating through his left arm. He'd simply sweated a great deal and suffered from an extreme amount of anxiety. He'd merely described it to me as "an overwhelming feeling of doom." And when I took Mia's hand and used my gift to look inside her mind, even though she didn't know what was going on, I knew _exactly _what it was. Mia had suffered extensive heart and lung damage from the attack six years ago, and now all that heart and lung damage was coming back to haunt us. My baby was having a heart attack.


	3. You Are Such a Wonderful Mommy

**Chapter Three**

_Mia_

Grandma's mind connecting with mine had always been such a wonderful, joyous, refreshing experience for me. For the first several years of our relationship, I could never have _imagined _feeling comfortable enough to open my mind up to the lady who was not only my grandmother but the reigning Queen of Genovia, and allow her to see some of my most private thoughts. For the longest time, I'd mostly seen her as this regal, proud, tough, strong ruler I could never really live up to when it would be my turn to rule in her place. She had naturally been someone I'd respected, _deeply _respected, but she had never _really_ been someone I felt I could confide in or turn to when I had a problem before. Ever since she started using her gift with me, though, and really understood everything I'd been through for the first time, everything changed, and she was no longer a person I had to worry about pleasing, but instead, was a simple grandma who just wanted to love me above all else. And ever since that first time that our minds were connected, loving me was precisely what she used her gift to do, and it was all her _overwhelming _love that she poured into me these past six years that gave me the strength to keep going through all my health problems and to continue running my country.

And connecting with her tonight was, yet again, an incredible help to me. It didn't make my horrendous sense of panic and dread go away completely, but it helped me _immensely _when I sensed it from Grandma that she thought I was being way too hard on myself, and that she didn't think I was being weak or stupid. It was also a truly enormous help to me to sense it from Grandma, once again, how very much she loved me, how concerned she was about me, and how very much she'd wished that I'd come to her about all this sooner.

"Oh, my love, my sweet little love," Grandma said tenderly as she gave me the biggest hug and kissed my cheek. "Oh, Mia, you should have come to me about this."

"Well I just felt so stupid," I told her. "I mean, what was I supposed to say? 'Grandma, I want to cancel all my duties for right now so I can run off into my suite and cry for absolutely no reason'?"

"_It is not_ for no reason, darling. You're having an anxiety attack, and it's nothing at all to be ashamed of. An anxiety attack can happen to anyone. Now listen to me, Mia. You know your Grandfather Rupert had problems with his heart, right?"

"Right."

"He had arrhythmias just like you have now." When I was attacked six years ago, several of my key organ systems were damaged as a result of it, including my heart and lungs. And as a consequence of the heart damage, I'd had trouble with arrhythmias ever since. "And sometimes he had anxiety attacks that were brought on by the arrhythmia," Grandma said, and while I may not have been connected to Grandma's mind through her gift at that particular moment, the instant she said that, I got the sense that there was something she was trying to hide from me. "I think that's what's happening to you right now," she continued, "so we're just going to walk over here to the bed and let you lie down, and I'm going to get Dr. Adams in here so she can examine you."

"Grandma, we don't have time for all that right now. I still have to get ready for tonight's charity dinner," I protested.

"Pierre is attending the dinner tonight as well, so I'll just talk to him and have him represent the Royal Family tonight in your place. _We are not _taking any chances, Mia, not where your heart's concerned. Now come on. Over to the bed. Come on," she insisted, stubbornly guiding me over to my bed to get me to lie down.

"What'll we tell the press? That the Queen of Genovia is skipping the charity dinner in the palace tonight because she's scared for no reason?" I teased as I sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Like I just said, it's _not _for no reason, little one. You're having an anxiety attack, a _very severe _anxiety attack, and it's important we get this checked out."

As I sat on my bed listening to Grandma, I couldn't deny it that I found the prospect of kicking off my shoes and crawling in underneath the covers extremely tempting. In addition to my neck and jaw pain and weakness, I'd also been feeling pretty fatigued lately, and I'd even been getting occasional chills. And sure enough, just as Grandma stood in front of me, insisting that I lie down and get checked out by Dr. Adams, another chill went clean through me and she saw me shiver for one brief instant.

"Are you cold?" she asked me.

"Maybe just a little," I grudgingly admitted.

"Alright sweetheart, lie down," she said gently, and I gladly obeyed her. After I'd kicked off my shoes and got into bed, Grandma pulled the covers over me. "There we go," she whispered. "Let's get you nice and warm, huh?"

"Thanks, Grandma. That feels better," I sighed.

"I'm glad."

"I feel so guilty, though. I just crawled into bed with this expensive business suit on. Just think about all the wrinkles I'll get in it!" I joked.

"Oh, to heck with the stupid suit!" Grandma said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It's just clothing, for heaven's sake! And it's not _nearly _as important as you are."

"I feel guilty for another reason, though."

"What's that?"

"I'm doing a pretty lousy job of finding it," I admitted to Grandma then, and she knew what I meant.

In my final weeks as Princess of Genovia, Lord Nicholas Devereaux was trying to steal the crown from my family, and Grandma had actually invited him to stay with us at the palace for a while. I was engaged to the Duke of Kenilworth at the time because according to Genovian law back then, a crown princess was not allowed to ascend the throne and rule as queen unless she was married, so I'd had no choice but to agree to an arranged marriage or risk forfeiting the throne to Nicholas, who was next in the royal line of succession. I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself back then, but even though I was furious with Nicholas for trying to steal the crown, I had in fact felt attracted to him, and during the royal garden party that year, Nicholas had grabbed me and kissed me. I'd actually enjoyed the kiss for a brief moment until I remembered that I was engaged and couldn't allow the kiss to continue, so I pushed him away from me, and then he grabbed me a second time and I started trying to push him away again, and while all that was happening, we both lost our balance and fell into the nearby water fountain. To say the least, the entire episode had _infuriated _Grandma and she'd blown up at me. When I'd tried to explain my side of the story to her, I hadn't really been able to come up with the right words because I was so upset and intimidated by her, and all I'd really been able to say to her was, "Do you think _I plan _for this kind of stuff to happen? I lost it! Sometimes you just lose it!" And she'd come back with, "You can't afford to 'lose it'! Other people 'lose it'! _We're supposed to find it!_"

In that moment, I saw something on Clarisse Renaldi's face that is _almost never _seen: regret. And then _I _regretted bringing it up. Grandma's angry lecture to me about not "losing it" was something that had really stuck in my mind, because this lady had been larger than life to me for years, and she and her love and her approval had always meant _everything _to me, so whenever Grandma told me something, I remembered it. And I remembered her criticism more than anything else, because her criticism cut me like a knife. After seeing into my mind the way she had over the years, though, I think it was seeing _my inner reaction _to her criticism of me that cut _Grandma _far worse than it cut me in the end, and I _hated it _that I'd been careless enough to bring it up just now. With all that had been happening today, the severe anxiety attack in particular, my brain was all out of sorts and I simply hadn't been thinking.

"You're doing an _amazing _job of finding it, little one," Grandma looked me in the eye and said with such tenderness, which really meant everything to me. "And speaking of finding things, I'll go find Dr. Adams and get her in here. I'll be right back, so don't go anywhere."

"I won't," I told her, and then I snuggled underneath all my sheets and blankets and relished in their warmth and comfort as Grandma left my suite. My fatigue got the best of me because it wasn't long before I fell asleep for a minute or two, but then I was awakened by a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Mia?" Grandma's loving, soft voice called to me and I opened my eyes for her, and when I did, she smiled. Then I looked around and saw Dr. Adams standing behind her. "Dr. Adams is ready to examine you now, sweetheart."

"Okay," I whispered.

Dr. Adams then proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions about my symptoms as she listened to me with her stethoscope, and soon after that, she and Grandma helped me out of my blazer and blouse so that she could attach electrodes to my chest and do an E.K.G. with the portable heart monitor she'd brought with her up to my suite. As she performed the procedure, she was the picture of the perfectly calm, composed medical professional as usual. Her facial expressions gave away absolutely nothing, so I had no clue if what was going on with me was all that serious or not. When Dr. Adams was done running the E.K.G. on me, Grandma helped me take off the electrodes and I put my blouse back on and got back under the covers.

"Okay, Your Majesty, I'm seeing some irregularities, here."

"Well _d'uh_, Dr. Adams," I teased her, as we both knew about my issues with arrhythmias. "Tell me something I don't already know."

She chuckled a bit at me and said, "I know, but what I'm seeing here is a little more serious. I think we need to get you to the hospital."

"Surely it's not _that _serious, doctor. My heart rate's probably up a bit just because of the anxiety attacks I've been having over the past couple of days. Let's not make such a big fuss over it," I argued as Joseph walked inside.

"I think in this case, _we do _need to make a fuss, Your Majesty."

"How is she, Clarisse?" I heard Joseph whisper in Grandma's ear.

"She's being as bad as Rupert!" Grandma said aloud, but I could tell she was just teasing me. "That's how she is! Just as stubborn as her Grandfather Rupert about not following doctor's orders!"

Joseph had a good laugh then and said, "It always amazes me, Clarisse, the way you can see stubbornness in your granddaughter and think it comes from her grandfather and not from you!"

"Now look, I may be stubborn about a few things–"

"_A few _things," Joseph interrupted in a sarcastic laugh.

"But when my doctor tells me to do something, I do it! I don't act stubborn about it!" Grandma insisted.

"Oh, really? What about the time you tripped and fell down on your head about a year before Mia took over the throne? You actually had a slight concussion, and I distinctly remember _your _doctor telling _you _to take the next few days off, and to restrict yourself to light duty for the next two or three weeks. But did _you _obey _your _doctor's orders, my dear Clarisse? _No! _You were acting every bit as stubborn as your granddaughter is right now!"

Even though I was still a little panicked inside, I couldn't help but laugh a little at the way Joe was teasing Grandma. Seeing their obvious love for each other coming through like that always warmed my heart.

"Well anyway, Your Majesty, I really think the best course of action here is to call for an ambulance and get you to the hospital as soon as possible," said Dr. Adams.

"Security is already on standby for the ambulance, doctor," Joseph told her. "I called the paramedics myself, and they're on their way."

"_I don't believe _you did that, Joe! I don't need an ambulance!" I yelled. I certainly didn't mean to be mean to my papa, of course, but the last thing in the world I wanted to do was get the whole palace in an uproar over me and convince the entire country of Genovia that their Queen was dying. I _did not _want a great big media frenzy over this, and I didn't want to worry people, and that was precisely what was going to happen if I were going to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

"Whatever you say, _Clarisse_," Joe teased me, which alleviated some of the tension.

"I'll be right back, Your Majesty," said Dr. Adams, and then she left for a minute or so.

While she was gone, Grandma sat down on the side of my bed and kissed the top of my head and gave me her best smile…which let me know she was really, _really _worried about me and was simply trying her best to hide it for my sake. As a queen myself, I knew how to play the game of putting on a brave face for the sake of those around me and I knew how to play it well, so I gave Grandma the same brave smile she was giving me, hoping it would somehow help her feel better.

"Do you need another blanket, little one?" she asked me gently, unable to hide all the concern in her voice.

"No thanks, Grandma. I'm fine. I'm warmer now since I got under the covers."

"Good. You know, we can turn up the thermostat for you if you'd like."

"No, that's okay. You and Papa shouldn't have to burn up in here just because I've been getting a little chill or two lately."

"Nonsense! You're the reigning Queen of Genovia and this is _your _suite, and _you _have the right to be comfortable in it."

"I'll go turn it up," said Joe.

"No, Joe, I'm really alright," I argued, but then Grandma gave him a look that said, _You'd better go turn the thermostat up, Joseph_, and I knew then that the argument was over.

"No, my dear," he said as he walked over to the thermostat and turned it up, "like your grandmother said, you are the reigning Queen of Genovia and you have the right to be comfortable in your own suite."

"Is there anything else we can do to help you feel more comfortable?"

"Grandma, I'm alright," I insisted. "You don't have to make such a big fuss over me like this. I still don't understood why we have to get the paramedics out here. There's no reason why I can't just walk outside and get in the car and get to the hospital in the car."

"It's because there's a problem with your heart, sweetie, and we _have _to be cautious where your heart's concerned," Grandma said.

"Well listen, I don't want the girls hearing about this on TV. You know they're having a sleepover at Lilly's."

"I know, and I've already taken care of it. Charlotte's called Lilly and told her that we need to get you to the hospital, and Lilly assured her that she'd take care of the girls tonight and tell them about it herself so they wouldn't have to hear about it on television."

"And we've also called Lionel. He's leaving L.A. a little early, and he's on his way back to Genovia now. He should be here in around twelve hours or so," Joe informed me.

"We're nine hours ahead of L.A. It's only about nine o'clock in the morning over there, and the wedding isn't until noon. That means Lionel will miss his cousin's wedding," I said sadly. I knew how much he'd been looking forward to it and I so hated him having to miss it on my account.

"Darling, it doesn't matter," Grandma insisted. "Lionel can always watch the home movie of the wedding later. Right now, you're having problems with your health again and it's only right that you have your husband by your side. And you know it as well as I do that if Lionel were here, he'd be telling you the exact same thing."

"Yeah, you're right," I admitted, but I still hated making Lionel miss the wedding.

In that next moment, Dr. Adams came back into my suite with Charlotte, both of them carrying a portable oxygen tank and things to start an I.V. in me. I naturally had to roll my eyes at all the fuss they were making, but I resigned myself to it because I knew I now had no choice, even though I was the Queen of Genovia as both Grandma and Joe had said. And just after Dr. Adams had started my I.V. and gotten me hooked up to oxygen, the paramedics arrived and took me to the hospital.

When we got there, it was nothing but the same cold, white, sterile surroundings I'd become all too familiar with over the past six years. I didn't want to focus on all the needles and tests, so as my gurney was pushed into the emergency room, I just allowed my mind to drift back to another time I'd had to spend time in the hospital, this time, for a much different reason.

* * *

It was around three weeks before Christmas four years ago. I was scheduled to be discharged from the hospital that day after my latest bout with pneumonia, and I'd wanted to go down to the maternity floor to see Brigitta's new baby boy in the nursery, so Lionel and Shades had agreed to go with me. After Shades, Joe's second-in-command of our security staff, had had the floor secured for me, Lionel and I walked into the nursery and one of the nurses there showed me Brigitta's baby, a beautiful blonde little boy named Matthew. I had hoped to hold him for a minute or two, but not long after Lionel and I went in there, we were distracted by the incessant crying of another baby. The nurse who'd introduced Brigitta's baby to me then explained to Lionel and me that the baby who couldn't stop crying had, in fact, been born addicted to drugs.

"The baby was born addicted to methadone," the petite redheaded nurse explained. "Her mother was addicted to heroin, and she checked herself into a treatment center when she learned she was pregnant. She was given methadone to help her through withdrawal, but unfortunately, her baby was still born addicted to it."

"Oh, no," Lionel said in a low, serious voice.

"That's terrible! Isn't there anything they can do for her?" I asked.

"I'm afraid not. Sometimes, if the doctors feel the withdrawal symptoms are severe enough, they'll give the baby just enough medication so she can eat and sleep and interact with others. If the baby _is _able to do those things on her own, though, as this baby is, then doctors prefer not to intervene with medication. Sadly, she's just going to have to suffer through it."

Lionel shook his head in sadness, while mine exploded in anger.

"I don't understand. Where is her mother in all of this?! How can she not be here to hold her baby and comfort her?! After all, _it's her fault _her poor baby is suffering this way!"

"The baby was born by C-section and the mother died of complications from the operation several hours after she was born, Your Majesty," she told us.

"Well…doesn't she have any family? Any grandparents or aunts or uncles to take care of her?"

"Unfortunately, no. The baby's mother was an only child, and she was an orphan for most of her life. And nobody knows where the father is. Tragically, that little baby doesn't have anybody now, so she's a ward of the state."

Lionel and I looked into each other's eyes in that moment and we each knew what the other one was thinking without having to say it.

"Oh yes she _does _have somebody, too," I disagreed with the nurse, and then I asked for the surgical gown I knew I would need to wear in order to hold her. After another one of the nurses ushered me into a more private room, I was allowed to sit in a rocking chair and hold and rock the little baby girl for the first time, and that one rocking session with her was all it took for her to steal my heart for life.

She didn't respond to me immediately, but after about a minute or so of me rocking her and talking to her, she began to calm down some. She was the most beautiful little black baby with dark eyes and black hair, and the moment I looked into her sweet, lonely, frightened, confused, gorgeous little face, I fell in love and so did Lionel. We spent the next week with her in the nursery, holding and rocking and comforting her through the remainder of her period of withdrawal. When I first met the baby, she was two weeks old and had already gotten through two weeks of withdrawal, and thankfully, she was through the worst of it a week later. A couple of days after that, the doctors were saying that she was well enough to be released from the hospital, and that they would continue looking for a suitable foster family to send her home to.

After Lionel and I had had that discussion with the baby's doctors about her condition, I was back in the private area of the nursery sitting in one of the rocking chairs they had, holding the little girl and rocking her in my arms, and Lionel was sitting next to me in another rocking chair.

"Lionel, do you remember that really long talk we had before we got married?" I finally asked him after a long silence.

"You mean the one about how we decided we'd adopt kids someday since the doctors have told us we can't have kids naturally?"

"That's the one."

"Vaguely," he teased me with that sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

"I realize that it's very early in our marriage. I mean, I know we've only been married seven months. I know we haven't even been married a year yet, but…do you think it would be too soon for us to adopt a child?"

"I don't think it would be too soon for us to adopt _this _child," he told me, much to my delight and relief! "I think that after the incredibly tough start to life this little baby has had, she deserves a good home and a good family. As for you and me not having a full year to ourselves, I say forget about it! True, you're the Queen, but as long as you and I really work at it, we'll find ways to get the alone time we need. And besides, I've always dreamed of becoming a father, especially an adoptive father after the way my Uncle Sebastian adopted and raised me when I was a boy. This is something I've always wanted to do. And as long as it's something you really want too, and as long as we have the means to provide a good life for her which we clearly do, I say let's go for it! What's stopping us? I believe the good Lord put her in our path for a reason."

Lionel's big heart and love for children were two of the things I loved most about him, and when he said all those things to me, I cried and leaned over and gave him a big kiss.

The day I walked out of the hospital with Lionel carrying my precious new little baby girl in my arms was one of the happiest days of my entire life. Because I was the Queen of Genovia, of course, I had the necessary connections to cut through all the red tape involved with adoptions at lightning speed, and our baby girl was legally and officially ours within just a matter of days. Obviously, the entire country of Genovia knew about their new little Crown Princess even before Lionel and I brought her home from the hospital, but there were two important people who, amazingly enough, actually had no idea: her grandparents!

In the following weeks after I'd come home from the hospital following my extended illness, Lionel, my good friend Princess Asana, my best friend Lilly and her husband Kip and I all went away together to the beachside village of Mertz for a little while. Because Grandma and Joe had held such a persistent vigil over me in the hospital during the weeks and months I was so badly sick, I knew it had been quite a while since they'd been able to really enjoy some quality time together, so we all decided to get together and build them a "Love Shack." None of us handled any of the actual construction of the beach house, but we did paint walls and move in furniture and help decorate it, and had the time of our lives while doing so, I might add. And whenever Grandma and Joe went away to their Love Shack for a romantic getaway, they always had a strict rule that they literally shut themselves off from the rest of the world, which meant no radio, no television, and no newspapers, and the reason they did that was so they wouldn't run the risk of having their romantic time together ruined by coming across the tabloids. We had all long since agreed that if there was any trouble happening back at the palace, we would call them and notify them as soon as possible on Joe's cell phone so that they would hear the bad news from their loved ones and _not _from the press. And my latest bout with pneumonia that time had caused them to cut their romantic vacation short. I hadn't wanted them to come back for my sake but as usual, they were stubborn about it. I finally kicked them out of my hospital room the day before I was released and _made _them get back to their vacation, but I think I was only able to do that because my doctor had assured them that I would be well enough to be discharged the next day. And because they had been cut off from the entire rest of the planet during the time I was helping my baby through her withdrawal in the hospital nursery, Lionel and I were able to give Grandma and Joe the Christmas surprise of their lives.

Grandma and Joe had no idea what was going on when they were met by Charlotte outside the palace the moment they set foot outside the car.

"Hello, Your Majesty. Hello, Joe," she said to them as she fought to keep from bursting inside. She still addressed Grandma as "Your Majesty" because unlike in other countries, even an abdicated King or Queen of Genovia still retained their title and style of "His" or "Her Majesty."

"Good morning, Charlotte," Grandma responded.

"Hello, Charlotte," said Joe.

"What are you so happy about?" Grandma chuckled.

"Nothing, Your Majesty! Nothing! Absolutely nothing at all!"

"I find that a little hard to believe," Joe said in a laugh.

"Um…listen…Joe, Your Majesty…you didn't by any chance happen to listen to the radio on your way home, did you?"

"No, we didn't. Mia specifically asked us not to for some reason, so we didn't," Grandma replied.

"And you didn't access the Internet on your cell phones, did you?" asked Charlotte.

"No," Joe answered.

"Good! That's good! That's very, very good!" Charlotte said with nervous excitement.

Grandma laughed then and said, "Okay."

"You see, Your Majesty, Joe, Queen Mia has a very special early Christmas surprise waiting inside for the both of you, and if you'd been listening to the radio or going online, it could have ruined it," Charlotte explained.

"No, Charlotte, you can rest assured that neither one of us has a clue about any of this," Joe assured her.

"Good! That's good!"

"That's very, very good. Yes, Charlotte, we know," Grandma teased.

"Yes! Well then, let's get on with the Christmas surprise, shall we? It's inside. Just follow me."

"Lead the way," Joe told her as he put his arm around Grandma's waist and fell into step beside her, with both of them following behind Charlotte – and noticing the beaming smiles radiating from every single person on the palace staff.

Charlotte took them to what had previously been one of the palace's numerous guest suites, which incidentally was the suite closest to mine. When the two guards standing outside the doors opened them and moved out of the way, Grandma and Joe followed Charlotte into a suite that had now been converted into a beautiful pink, white, and lavender royal nursery. In the center of it was a beautiful round crib that was decorated mostly in pink satin and had a lovely round pink satin canopy over it, and there was a similar pink changing table behind it. There was also a pink rocking chair in one corner and a door in another corner that led to the biggest closet full of baby clothes, shoes, and accessories a baby girl ever had.

"Hello, everyone," Grandma said then to Lilly, Priscilla, Olivia, Brigitte, and Shades, all of whom were wearing smiles just as big as everyone else in the palace, even Shades. "Would someone care to tell us just _whose _nursery it is we've walked into?"

"Just a sec, Your Majesty," said Lilly. Then she stuck her head out the door and yelled at our Royal Herald, "Get in here, you idiot! We're all waiting for you!"

A moment later, the official Royal Herald of the palace walked into the nursery. Then after the guards closed the doors behind him once again, he said aloud, "Announcing: Her Majesty Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Motaz-Renaldi, Queen of Genovia, His Grace Lionel Motaz, Duke of Mertz, and Her Royal Highness Helena Claire Josephine Motaz-Renaldi, Princess of Genovia!"

In that next second, Lionel and I slowly walked inside our daughter's new royal nursery with me cradling our precious baby in my arms.

"Congratulations, Your Majesty," said Lilly. "You now officially have a great-granddaughter."

To say the least, I was thrilled to see the surprised joy on their faces.

"Merry Christmas, you guys," I whispered, not wanting to speak too loudly since the baby was sleeping peacefully in my arms.

"When did all this happen?" Grandma asked with a stunned but happy laugh, and I then went on to explain to her and Joe about everything that had happened while they were away.

"And the doctors say she's doing better now?" Joe asked after I'd told them the whole story.

"Yes," Lionel replied. "They say she's gotten through her withdrawal and that as for right now, at least, she's doing well. Because of her rough start in life, she's at higher risk for mental, emotional, and behavioral problems in the future; there's just no way to tell if that's going to happen at this early stage, but for right now, she's alright."

"Naturally, the controversy over me adopting a child who could have mental and behavioral problems in the future has already started," I sighed. "The press is already getting on my case for adopting a crown princess who could have complications in the future and not be able to handle being Queen of Genovia one day, but I say forget the stupid press because she is my wonderful little baby girl and I believe in her. As of right now, her doctors are saying that she's perfectly healthy and until they say otherwise, she has every right to be first in the line of succession to the Genovian throne as the oldest child of the reigning Queen of Genovia." When it was discovered after my extended illness that I was no longer able to bear children, I made a motion before Parliament for the law regarding the royal line of succession to be amended to allow adopted children of the sovereign the same right of claim to the throne as biological children, and the motion was passed.

"Right on, baby. Right on," Grandma agreed. "So what will we be calling the new Crown Princess of Genovia?"

"Princess Claire," I said with a big smile. "I named her after three of the dearest people in the world to me: Helena after my mom Helen, Josephine after you Joe, and Claire was as close to Clarisse as I could get." When I told Grandma that, a tear actually came to her eye, and she gave me a big kiss on the cheek. "And that's your big Christmas surprise, even if it is a little early this year: a new grandchild, and a namesake."

"_Mija_, I don't know what to say," Joe gasped. It was obvious he was fighting off tears, too. "Until you came into my life, I honestly never believed I'd get the chance to be a father. Now I get to be a grandpa, too. This is the most remarkable Christmas gift I ever got."

"And I feel the same way, sweetheart," Grandma said as more tears came to her eyes.

"So which one of you wants to hold her first?" I asked them.

"Clarisse, you go ahead," said Joe, but Grandma shook her head.

"No, Joseph, darling, seeing as how you'd always thought you'd never have a grandchild of your own all these years, I think this honor should go to you."

There was a happy tear in everyone's eye then as Joe gently took Claire from my arms and sat down in the rocking chair and held her for the very first time.

"Well hello there, beautiful little princess," he whispered, and then Grandma put her arm around his shoulders and kissed the top of his head and lovingly started down into Claire's little face. "Hello there. I'm your grandpa. I'm your Grandpa Joe, and I'm so happy to meet you, my little Claire. You're a very special little girl, you know. You're very, very strong to survive what you did your first few weeks of life, and I'm so proud of you, and I love you so much." Claire had awakened from her little nap by then, and after Joe said all those things to her, she cooed in response and we all laughed.

* * *

Thankfully today, Claire was now a bright, happy, healthy, normal four-year-old, and the possibility of her developing problems as a result of her difficult beginning in life was now minimal. But it seemed that my own health problems resulting from my attack a few years ago were a different story. After doctors ran a bunch of tests on me, Grandma and Joe came into the trauma room where I was and waited with me until one of my personal physicians who'd been called in came and told us the results. The heart attack I'd had six years ago had caused damage to my heart, which in turn had caused additional cardiac problems for me, and as a result of those problems with my heart, I had actually just suffered a second heart attack.

When I heard the words, "Your Majesty, according to our tests, you've just had another heart attack," I tried as hard as I could to wear my best expressionless face because as I knew all too well, the Queen of Genovia wasn't allowed to lose her poise, not even in the most frightening situations. But as the doctor rattled on about moving me to the ICU for a little while, Grandma looked into my eyes and squeezed my hand, and I could see it in her eyes that she knew how scared I was, and I could see it in her face the words, _I'm here, little one. I love you, and we're in this together. _I realized it then that she'd taken my hand into hers the moment the doctor came back with the test results because she'd known I was having a heart attack all along, and had not only managed to stay calm for my sake through it all, but had also been the most incredible help to me tonight. I honestly don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been there loving me and looking out for me the way she did. If it hadn't been for her, I probably never would have sought medical help at all because I'd never dreamed it could be anything as serious as a heart attack. As she stood there holding my hand all that time, I silently thanked Jesus for such a stubbornly overprotective grandma.

After the doctor left the trauma room, Joe left as well to see to the security detail in the hospital. I'd had guards all over the place in the hospital, keeping spectators and reports at bay, and Joe now had to secure my path to one of the ICU rooms on one of the top floors. The top three floors of the Pyrus Medical Center were especially reserved for Genovian royalty, dignitaries, and other celebrities so that they could receive the medical care they needed away from the public eye, and one of those floors had special ICU rooms for famous patients who were critically ill, and that was where I was headed.

A few moments after Joe left, Grandma said to me, "I know, little darling. I know how frightening all this is, but I promise you, we're going to get through this just like we've gotten through everything else."

"I know," I told her with a false brave smile, hoping she'd buy it.

"I noticed that your mind was a million miles away from here when Joseph and I first came in," she changed the subject, and I knew she did it because she was trying to get my mind off my troubles. "What were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about a time I was inside this hospital that was actually happy: the day Lionel and I were walking through the halls on our way out with me holding Claire in my arms." At just the sound of her name, I couldn't help but smile and neither could Grandma.

"I do believe Claire was the biggest surprise I ever got!" Grandma said with a laugh.

"I think you were pretty happy with your Christmas gift that year."

"Oh, 'happy' doesn't even _begin _to describe it! And I hadn't seen Joseph so happy since the day we got married."

"I know," I agreed, and then there was a long, tense silence for a few seconds as I began to worry about whether or not I would be there to see my girls grow up.

Grandma wasn't using her gift now, but she didn't need it in order to sense what I was thinking in that moment, and she quickly gave my hand another affectionate squeeze.

"Mia, stop thinking like that. We are going to get through this and _you _are going to live a long, long time, and you're going to be there for the girls as they grow up."

"Those girls are everything to me, Grandma," I whispered as I fought off tears.

"I don't think there's a soul in Genovia who doesn't know that, little one. It's hard enough for a working mother in today's word to balance a _normal _career and taking care of her children, and yet here you are with the toughest possible career a person could have, with an entire country on your shoulders, and you've still managed to make the time to really be there for your girls in addition to being Queen. You've done a much better job of balancing your royal life and your family life than I did, and I am so proud of you."

"Well, you've got to remember, Grandma, that I've had a lot more help all these years than you had when you were Queen. If it weren't for all the new people on staff we've hired to help me after I was sick the first time, and especially if it weren't for all the help I get from Nicholas and Sebastian and Charlotte, not to mention you and Joe and Lionel, I'd _never _be able to pull it off."

"It may be true that you do have help, but you're still far wiser than I was about living life as a royal and taking care of your relationships. The way I was raised, your duty to your country came first in your life before absolutely everything, and _everyone_, else. So I put my royal life, my royal duties and obligations, first, even before the Lord and my own children. But _you've _been wise enough to put your relationships with God and your family before your royal duties to your country because you've always known that if things with God and the people you love aren't right, there's no way you can give the best of yourself to your people as their Queen. I wish I'd realized that when I was your age. I wish I'd made more time for my children, the way you always make sure to make plenty of time for your little ones. You are such a wonderful mommy, baby."

This time I was the one who gave Grandma's hand a squeeze, and I told her, "I think you're being a little hard on yourself. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but from what all I've heard through the years about King Rupert, may he rest in peace, when it came to relationships with God and family, he didn't always give you a whole lot of support. And maybe you did make some mistakes along the way, but I can honestly tell you that ever since you took over as my mom several years ago, you've been a wonderful mommy to me, too."

I could tell Grandma was really touched by what I said in that moment as she kissed my hand. A couple of seconds later, the room was filled with orderlies and guards to take me upstairs to my room in the ICU. As my gurney was being pushed, Grandma stayed with me every step of the way, keeping her firm but loving grip on my hand.


	4. The Royal Elopement

**Chapter Four**

_Lionel_

Frustration surged through my veins as I was stuck sitting on a stupid airplane, not able to do anything for my wife besides pray for her and hope to God that nothing worse was happening. When Joe told me that they were thinking it was a heart attack, _I _almost had a heart attack of my own. I loved Mia more than anything, more than my own life, and I couldn't help but feel that if I lost Mia, I would lose everything. After begging Jesus to see her through this latest medical crisis as He had done many times before over the years, I looked out the plane window, and my mind drifted back to that crisp, cool, beautiful spring evening five years ago that my heart could never forget.

* * *

It was April, and Mia and I were arm in arm, enjoying a nice little stroll together after dinner. Just as Queen Clarisse and Joe had always had to be extremely careful keeping their relationship hidden from others for so many years so they wouldn't be the subject of palace gossip, when Mia and I had first started seeing each other nine months before, we'd constantly had to make certain nobody could see us whenever we spent time together as well. While the rest of the palace staff was busy indoors that evening, Mia motioned to me that she'd like to go outside for a little bit, so we snuck off. We knew merely going for a walk together by ourselves would be enough to make people raise a few eyebrows, so when we saw our chance to sneak off for a few minutes without anybody seeing us, we gladly took advantage of it. The smell of the spring flowers was fragrant in the air, and the sun was beginning to set and fill the sky with so many brilliant colors, and it was absolutely perfect that night. Mia was wearing a lovely green summer dress and beige sandals, and her shining brunette hair was cascading past her shoulders. She was the very picture of the word _gorgeous._

But even though Mia was picture-perfect in appearance, I could tell that she was uneasy about something.

"Hey Mia, what's the matter?" I asked her. "You seem nervous."

"Well…i-it's just that…" she stammered, which only made me love her more. I always hated it all the criticism Mia received for not being perfectly well-spoken and poised all the time. I for one thought it was lovely that my Queen was this dear, shy young lady who was just as human as everybody else and not someone who pretended to be constantly perfect and above others.

I lovingly put my index finger under her chin and tilted her head upward towards my face and asked, "What is it, sweetheart? Is something wrong?"

"No. No, nothing's wrong. I just have something to ask you and…well…it's really big."

"You can ask me anything. You know that."

"I know," she said with a smile. "Okay, here goes. I mean, the worst thing you can do is say no, right?"

"You know I'll never say no to you," I told Mia, and I meant it with all my heart. There was _nothing_ I wouldn't do for Mia.

I never admitted it to her when I first came to work in the palace as an intern, of course, but it had taken me all of two seconds for me to fall head over heels in love with her. Shortly after Mia graduated from college and moved into the palace, Lord Nicholas Devereaux had started trying to steal the crown. Mia had met Lord Devereaux the night before at the ball celebrating her twenty-first birthday, and not knowing that he was the person trying to steal the throne, she'd danced and flirted with him a little. The following day when they were properly introduced and Mia realized who he actually was, she got angry and stomped on his foot and left the room and the _second_ she did that, I was in love. I was already bowled over by her incredible beauty when I first saw her, but when she gave Lord Devereaux a piece of her mind with her foot, I absolutely _adored _her for her fiery, strong-willed personality, and I fell even deeper in love with her through the years as I saw that that spark and fire I'd witnessed in her that day was perfectly balanced out by her pure, sweet heart.

And just as Joseph had been Queen Clarisse's faithful friend and bodyguard, loving her from afar for so many years, hoping and praying for the day they could be together as man and wife, I'd had to do the same. I had no choice but to stand by and watch Mia struggle with her engagement to the Duke of Kenilworth, a man she wasn't in love with, who didn't really love her. I'd also had to stand by and watch as Nicholas Devereaux broke Mia's heart when, after two years of dating, he broke up with her because he was still too much of a playboy to make a real commitment to her. I'd never really trusted Nicholas Devereaux because I've always had a real problem with guys who have a history of changing girlfriends more often than they change their underwear. But unfortunately, being one of the newest bodyguards on the security staff, I knew how low in the palace hierarchy I was back then and that it wasn't my place to say anything, so I did the only thing I could do at the time: be there for her as a friend.

I couldn't be just a mere friend to Mia when she was in the hospital fighting for her life, though. When Mia was dying on that hospital bed, I felt like the best part of me was dying with her, and in the rare times I was actually alone in the ICU room with her, I held her hand, kissed her cheek, confessed my love for her, and _begged_ her to hang on. And when she and her friends and I were away in Mertz decorating what is now the famous Love Shack for Queen Clarisse and Joseph a little while after she'd been released from the hospital, I finally couldn't hold it in any longer and I told Mia how much I loved her, how much I'd _always _loved her, but I also told her that I didn't expect anything from her in return, which was the truth. After all the trauma she'd just survived, I could hardly have blamed her if she didn't feel ready for a new relationship. She responded by giving me the biggest, most incredible kiss of my life, and my heart soared.

"You might say no this time," Mia said. "And if you do, I want you to know that I completely understand. You may feel that this is too much for right now, and if it is, we can just drop it and forget I asked for the time being."

I took Mia's hands then and looked into her eyes and said, "_Try me._"

"Okay. I've been doing a lot of really deep thinking about us over the past couple of months, and I've been praying for a little guidance from above in this, too, and I'm convinced that the Lord always meant for us to be together."

"So am I. I know that you and I were always meant to be, just like Queen Clarisse and Joseph were," I agreed with Mia, and I meant what I said with all my heart.

"I think you're the most loving, wonderful, beautiful man I ever met. And I want to be with you, Lionel, and not like this, you and me just sneaking around in secret. I want to shout it from the rooftops that I am hopelessly in love with you and always will be. I want to wake up beside you in the morning, go through my days with you by my side, and go to sleep beside you at night, and I want to do that every day for the rest of my life…however long that is."

"Hey, you are going to have a long, rich, full life, and don't you _ever_ think that you won't," I gently scolded her. I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to Mia, and no matter what, I always wanted to keep her thinking positively where her health was concerned.

"Well I want _you _in that long, rich, full life you see me living, and not as some secret boyfriend of mine hiding in the shadows."

"Mia, are you saying that you feel it's time to make our relationship…you know…more permanent?" My heart soared at the thought of the possibility, but I wanted _her _to say the words. I'd yearned for this day for almost four years now, but especially considering all the hell Mia had endured, I knew she'd been in a very vulnerable place emotionally and I didn't want to push her into this in any way. I wanted _Mia _to feel ready to take this step with me on her own.

Mia took a deep breath and let it out, and then she looked me square in the eye and said, "Yes. That's _exactly _what I'm saying. Lionel Nathan Motaz, will you marry me?"

I had to fight back tears of joy as I took Mia in my arms and kissed her. When the long kiss was finally over, I whispered in her ear, "Yes, of course I will, baby. You know I will."

Then Mia squealed with laughter and said, "_Really?!_"

I laughed back and answered, "_Yes, really!_"

"Oh Lionel, I love you!"

"I love you too, baby. I love you, too." I gave Mia another kiss, and then I told her, "Hey, wait right here for just a minute. Let me go and get something from my room. I'll be right back."

"Okay. I'll be here waiting," Mia agreed, and then I went back inside the palace.

The first thing I did when I went in was to find Joe and ask him to stay with Mia while I was gone. After Mia was attacked, _we all knew _how important it was to _never _be careless when it came to her protection, so I didn't want to risk Mia being left alone for too long, even if she was on the palace grounds. Then I hurried upstairs to my room, and I got out the engagement ring that had been passed down to me from my mother. The ring had actually belonged to my great-grandmother, and she'd passed it down from generation to generation. It was a simple but beautiful white gold band with a square emerald and two much smaller diamonds on either side of it. My father had bought my mother an engagement ring of her own, but she'd always worn her grandmother's engagement ring on her right hand in honor of her, and she'd left it to me when she died. I'd always dreamed of giving that ring to my future wife one day, and now, that day had finally arrived. The ring was safely tucked away inside a white velvet box in my top dresser drawer, and I quickly got it out and put it in my pocket and went back outside to where Mia and Joseph were.

"I'm back, you guys. Thank you for standing in for me, Joseph."

"Of course," he said simply, and then without further ado, he turned around and left us alone. If there was any one thing I liked about Joseph, it was the fact that he knew three was a crowd.

"So what did you have to get from your room?" Mia asked.

I smiled, took the velvet box out of my pocket, and said, "This." Then I handed it to her and she opened it, and when she saw the ring for the very first time, she gasped and her face totally lit up.

"Oh, Lionel! It's beautiful! Where did you get this?"

"It was my great-grandmother's engagement ring. I always wanted to give that ring to my fiancée one day, and since you and I officially became engaged about five minutes ago, I thought it was only appropriate that I give it to you. We may have to have it sized to fit you, though, but let's give it a try anyway," I said with a smile, and again, her face lit up as I slid the ring onto her left ring finger and we both saw that, sure enough, it was actually a perfect fit.

"It's perfect! It's absolutely perfect! Oh thank you, Lionel!" Mia cried out.

"No baby," I whispered, and then I gave her a long, passionate kiss. "_I _thank _you._"

Over the next few weeks, Mia did a lot of behind the scenes preparation for our marriage. Mia had been given experimental drugs while she'd been in the hospital that had helped save her life, but unfortunately, they also did severe damage to her reproductive system. Mia had extensive tests performed by some of the best fertility specialists in the world, and they told her that so much damage had been done that it was virtually impossible for her to ever get pregnant. After Mia and I were told that, we sat down and had a long talk and decided that we wanted to adopt children someday, and it was then that she went before Parliament and made a motion for the law to be changed to include adopted children in the royal line of succession. Then as the date we'd chosen for our wedding grew closer, Mia officially gave me the title of the Duke of Mertz since, as the reigning Queen of Genovia, she couldn't marry someone without a title.

And amazingly enough, she did a lot of that in secret. Everybody knew about her making the motion before Parliament, but we managed to see the fertility specialists in private. And while she did issue the letters patent making me a duke before we were married, no one but Charlotte and my Uncle Sebastian saw it and she successfully managed to swear them to secrecy. Mia had no intention of going public with that announcement until after we were married, and she also had no intention of the public even _knowing _about our relationship until after our wedding…which was actually more like an elopement.

In the weeks before our wedding, Mia wore the engagement ring I gave her on her right ring finger instead of her left because we decided that we wanted to continue keeping our relationship to ourselves until after we were married. We both felt that we wanted to enjoy our relationship in private when we first got together, that the _last _thing we wanted was to be the subject both palace and national gossip, so we usually tried to keep things as professional as possible whenever we were in front of others. After we got engaged, Mia still wanted to keep our relationship private for as long as possible because she really didn't want reporters from all over the world butting into our wedding ceremony, and she also put off telling her grandmother about our engagement because she was afraid Queen Clarisse wouldn't understand her desire for a small, private wedding.

But one afternoon when Mia was sitting underneath Genovia's most famous pear tree in the palace garden, Queen Clarisse and Joseph surprised her as she was looking down at her ring.

"You know, if you stare any harder at that ring, it may break," Queen Clarisse teased her.

Mia laughed and said, "Hi, Grandma. Hi, Joe," and then they both sat down on both sides of her.

"Hello, _mija,_" Joe said before kissing her cheek. "My dear, your grandmother and I are going to come right to the point. For the past couple of years now, Clarisse and I have been your parents and in our hearts, you've always been our little girl."

"I know that, Papa," Mia said with a smile.

"And there is a rumor circulating through the palace that that ring you're always staring at these days is a lot more besides a gift from a friend." When Joseph had asked her about the ring once before, all he'd been able to get out of her was that the ring was a gift from one of her friends. "And quite frankly, a person can't help but notice how you stare at it. You stare at that ring in much the same way a young lady would stare at her engagement ring. So, your grandma and I asking you point blank: are you engaged to Lionel?"

Mia paused for a long moment before finally replying, "Yes. Lionel and I _are_ engaged. And I kept putting off telling you guys about it because, Grandma, I don't want to get married the same way royals usually do. I don't want this great big, enormous, ridiculously expensive wedding that's televised, and I don't want _any _reporters there at all. I don't want to have to put up with my wedding gown and my hairstyle and the color of my shoes coming under international scrutiny. I don't want to be scrutinized or put under a microscope on my wedding day. I want to be able to _enjoy _my wedding, and because I'm a private person, I need privacy in order to really be happy when I get married. I just want Lionel and me to be surrounded by the people who love us, who aren't going to criticize us for what we wear, or criticize me if I should happen to have a clumsy moment and trip on my way down the aisle. And I was afraid that even if you understood my feelings, you'd still get on my case for not following royal tradition and having this great big royal wedding."

There was another long moment of silence before Queen Clarisse told Mia, "Baby, I know how I've been most of my life. I've very often put royal obligations even before the people I love the most. And if you'd come to me a couple of years ago and told me you were engaged to a young man without a title, and that you'd made your mind up that you were going to get married in private, yes, I would _definitely _have given you a lot of grief for it. I probably would have accused you of being selfish, of not thinking of your people and disappointing them. I probably would have cared far more about you living up to my expectations of you as a royal than I would have cared about your happiness.

"But my dear little one, _I am not _the same person I used to be. Since we almost lost you, I've realized that you have the same rights as all the people you're serving, and that it's okay for you to take care of _your _needs in addition to the needs of your country. You've done an _amazing _job of taking care of the needs of your country, Mia. Darling, you were attacked, you were tortured, _tortured_, for the sake of your country, and as far as I'm concerned, Genovia owes you a few favors. You have the same right to be able to enjoy your own wedding as _every _man and woman in this country does, and if you need to have a private ceremony in order to have a happy wedding day, then I'm with you all the way."

"Oh Grandma, thank you!" Mia cried out as she happily threw her arms around Queen Clarisse, and she happily returned the hug.

"But we do have some concerns about this," said Queen Clarisse.

"What concerns?" asked Mia.

"_Mija_, we are here talking to you today as a concerned Mommy and Daddy. You went through pure hell a year and a half ago, and I think that all that has left you very vulnerable inside. Clarisse and I just don't want to see you rush into getting married because you're still feeling shaken up and wanting security. It's completely understandable that you would want to have somebody in your life like Lionel who makes you feel safe, and that you'd want to take steps to ensure that someone like him would be a permanent fixture in your life. But I can tell how much that young man loves you, and I know that if he had to wait a million years before he could marry you, he'd do it gladly. Lionel is a fine young man and I do like him, and I think he could make you a very fine husband someday. But are you really so sure that that someday should be now?"

"Actually, before I proposed to Lionel–"

"_You _proposed to _him?_" Queen Clarisse asked.

"Well it _is _the twenty-first century, Grandma," Mia said, and Clarisse laughed.

"You're right," she agreed.

"Anyway, I thought and prayed about this for a long time before I popped the question, and all those questions you just asked me, I asked myself. And I won't try to pretend that I'm still not feeling pretty shaken after everything that's happened. Anybody would. But no matter how hard it is for me at times, I am determined to move on with my life. And yes, Lionel does make me feel safe, but I don't really need Lionel to feel safe. I would still feel safe even if he weren't here. I know that everybody on the palace staff, including the security staff, has come to love and care for me as much as I've come to love and care for them over the years I've been here, and I know that where all my royal guards are concerned, it isn't just a job to them. I know that my safety is very important to them and to the two of you and I know that as long as I'm here with all of you, I couldn't be safer. I know how determined you all are to look out for me, including God. No, I'm marrying Lionel because in my heart of hearts, I'm certain that he's the man Christ has chosen for me to spend the rest of my life with, and because I want to marry him now more than anything."

"Well in that case, I guess there's nothing more for us to say except, 'Congratulations!'" said Joseph.

"Thanks, you guys! Thank you so much," Mia said before giving both of them a big hug.

Later that day, Mia told me all about their conversation and to say the least, I was both relieved and thrilled to have their support. Soon after Mia told me about everything when we were alone together in her office, Queen Clarisse and Joseph came in and officially welcomed me into the family, and the former Queen even told me to stop calling her "Your Majesty" and to start calling her "Clarisse," and Joseph told me to call him "Joe," which to say the least, really meant a lot.

Then on Sunday, May 10, 2009, I married Mia Thermopolis, the love of my life. Miraculously, Clarisse, Joe, Mia's Uncle Pierre, my Uncle Sebastian and Aunt Sheila and my cousin Marissa, Charlotte, Lilly, and Lilly's husband Kip were the only ones who actually knew about our relationship before we officially made it public. Others in the palace did suspect it by that time, but those who actually knew kept their mouths shut, and when we did make the announcement that we were going to the Royal Family's newest beach house in Mertz, a.k.a. the Love Shack, for a little while, the only thing we told the press was that it was simply a little outing with family and friends. Security was stepped up big-time that day, but it wasn't until just a couple of days before our wedding that the rest of the security staff was informed so that the necessary preparations could be made.

And in the garden of the Love Shack, with just Clarisse, Joe, Pierre, Uncle Sebastian, Aunt Sheila, Marissa, Charlotte, Lilly, and Kip present, we became husband and wife. Lilly was Mia's matron of honor and I asked my Uncle Sebastian to be my best man, and Joseph gave Mia away, and of course, Mia's Uncle Pierre performed the ceremony. All the rest of the men and I wore white tuxedoes, and Mia wore the most beautiful short-sleeved, long white satin gown that sparkled with real diamonds in it. Mia wore her hair down, with the most beautiful long veil made of Genovia's famous lace, and she was beyond breathtaking. And Uncle Seb was right there with our simple white gold wedding bands like a good best man, but he kind of failed in his second duty as best man. When it was time for him to give the toast at our little reception in the garden later, to put it mildly, it was pretty unforgettable in the _worst _possible way! Then Lilly went on to give us a _much better _toast as matron of honor, thank heaven, but the best moment of the reception was when Clarisse stood up and give Mia and me the most touching toast of all, telling Mia how dear she was to her and how proud she was of her, and welcoming me into the family.

When the palace made the official announcement of our wedding to the press later that day, Mia and I had been expecting to receive a fair amount of criticism for choosing to get married in a private ceremony, but overall, both Genovia and the rest of the world were overwhelmingly supportive of us. After being attacked and tortured for introducing legislation to help make the country of Genovia a safer place, it seemed the Genovian news media _finally_ decided to let up in all their unfair criticism of Mia for the most part, and a lot of reporters were actually agreeing with her, that even though she was the Queen, the kind of wedding ceremony she and I chose to have was in fact nobody's business but hers and mine. And it seemed Genovia and the rest of the world was actually truly happy for us. There were people on TV and on the radio congratulating us, as well as articles in newspapers and magazines giving us their best wishes, and because we'd kept our wedding plans a secret from Genovia and the rest of the world, our wedding was often referred to in the media as "The Royal Elopement." I think what touched Mia and me the most when driving back home from our royal elopement after our little honeymoon at the Love Shack was seeing all the signs people had put up saying, "Congratulations Queen Mia and Lionel!"

* * *

Once my mind stopped wandering around in the past and came back to the present, I glanced at my watch to see how much time had passed. I sighed as I realized I still had about another ten hours to go before my plane landed in Genovia. I couldn't help but feel that ten hours may as well have been ten lifetimes. I would have gladly given anything, _anything, _if I could have taken Mia's place and be going through all this instead of her.

_Lord Jesus, if You wouldn't mind, please send an angel down to my wife to tell her how much I love her, and that I'm coming,_ I prayed.


	5. A Bum Deal

**Chapter Five**

_Joseph_

Lionel's plane landed at around six-thirty the next morning and the second it did, he called us to let us know he was in and he came straight to the hospital. Clarisse and I had stayed with Mia in the ICU all night, and Lionel met us as we were standing in the corridor just outside Mia's room.

"Oh good, Lionel; you're here," Clarisse told him.

"My plane just got in," he said. "How is she?"

"About as well as could be expected," I answered. "The doctors have determined that the heart attack didn't occur because of any blockages, so she doesn't need surgery, and they're also saying that the damage done to Mia's heart muscle was minimal, so it looks like we've caught a break. I mean, _any _amount of heart damage is a very bad thing, of course, but it could have been a whole lot worse."

"Has she been in any pain?" he anxiously asked us. It was more than obvious by the look on his face that he was every bit as worried as Clarisse and I had been.

"No," Clarisse quickly assured him. "Mia had what doctors call a silent heart attack. Not everyone has chest pain when they have a heart attack. Sometimes people have this 'silent' kind of heart attack where their symptoms are a lot more vague. When Rupert had his heart attack, his was like that. He just sweated and experienced this terrible feeling of dread and doom. The only symptoms Mia had were neck and jaw pain and chills, and that same awful feeling of terror."

"As it turns out, silent heart attacks occur far more frequently in women than they do in men," I added.

Lionel then looked through the ICU window and watched Mia sleeping for several long moments. She was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor, and she was wearing a nasal cannula under her nose which delivered oxygen to her. I could see it that when he first saw her, he was thinking the same thing we were: how pale and fragile she looked. And I could also see it that he was fighting off the memories of what had happened over six years ago. His mind didn't want to back there any more than ours did, but as we all were having to witness Mia lying on a hospital bed in the ICU once again, it was terribly difficult _not _to think about the hell she'd suffered, and about the hellish fear of losing her that _we'd _had to suffer through as well. I'd talked and reminisced with Clarisse through the night about all the good, happy times our family had had over the years in a desperate battle to keep our minds from going back to that horrific place we were so terrified of, and I felt certain as I watched Lionel that we'd have to do the same thing for him, too.

Finally, Lionel silently walked inside and Clarisse and I followed him. Then he went up to Mia's bedside, sat down in one of the chairs nearby, took Mia's hand, and kissed it gently.

"I'm so sorry I went to L.A., baby," he whispered. "I should never have left you here alone. You should never have had to go through all this without me there."

After he said that to her, my heart instantly went out to the young man. I'd often complained about how annoying he was when he first joined our security staff as a twenty-year-old intern because of the way he relentlessly asked question after question after question and followed Shades and me around _absolutely everywhere, _but I soon came to realize that I was being too hard on him; that he simply wanted to do his job well. And in his years with Mia, he'd proven himself to be every bit as good a husband as he was a royal bodyguard. It was more than obvious how deeply in love with Mia he was, and I hated to see him blaming himself.

"No, Lionel, it wasn't your fault," Clarisse told him kindly. "There was nothing you or Joseph or I or _anyone _could have done. Mia had just had her latest check-up last week and Dr. Adams assured us that she was doing well. And you left Mia in good hands with all of us. There was no way you or anyone could have _possibly _seen this coming."

"She's right, son," I told him. "You shouldn't blame yourself."

Lionel shook his head and said, "I should have been with her. I should have been here."

"You're here now," I said. "That's the important thing."

"That's right," Clarisse agreed.

In that moment, Mia slowly opened her eyes and Lionel's face lit up.

"Hey!" Lionel whispered with a great big smile on his face, and then he gave her several kisses on the lips, and then he finally kissed her forehead a couple of times.

"Easy, Stud," Mia said in a weak whisper, using her favorite nickname for her husband. "We don't want to get too hot and heavy in front of the grown-ups," she teased, and Clarisse and I laughed.

"Don't worry about it, little one," Clarisse chuckled. "At our age, we've seen it all!"

"That's right, my darling," I said. "It's pretty difficult to do anything to shock or surprise us now."

Lionel held the side of Mia's face then and said, "I'm so sorry I wasn't here with you, baby."

"Don't be. There's no way you could have known this would happen. I'm just really sorry you had to miss your cousin's wedding because of me."

"Hey, don't you worry about that. That's what video cameras are for. I'll just watch the wedding later. It's no big deal. _You, _on the other hand, are a _very _big deal, Mia Thermopolis. I just want you to know that if I'd have known this was going to happen, I _never _would have left you."

"I do know that. And I know how much you love me, and I knew you were coming to me. I kept hearing this kind voice saying it to me all last night while I slept."

For some reason, Lionel's face really lit up when Mia told him that.

"I'm so glad, baby," he whispered. "I'm so glad." Then once again, he started kissing her, and I knew that was our cue to leave and give them some privacy.

"Come on, Clarisse," I said. "I think that two's company and four's a crowd.

Clarisse smiled and responded, "I think you're right," and then we walked outside and into the visitors' lounge nearby. On our way there, we turned around for brief instant and looked through the window, and we saw Lionel gently sliding into bed next to Mia and putting his arms around her, and when we saw him doing that, we looked at each other for a quick second and smiled. We were both so happy that Mia had such a respectful, loving, attentive husband to help her through times like these.

Once we were alone in the lounge, Clarisse made the comment that she was so glad Mia had a husband who was so sensitive to her, with Mia herself being such a sensitive young woman. The moment Clarisse said that, I instantly thought to myself that Clarisse had never truly understood or appreciated just _how _sensitive of a person Mia really was inside, not until she used her gift with her for the first time, at least, after we were finally able to bring Mia home from the hospital. And it was then that my mind drifted back to the first time Mia really opened up to me about her relationship with Clarisse.

* * *

It was about a year after Mia and Clarisse first met each other. Mia had just turned seventeen, and she was spending some time in Genovia for the summer. (Mia and her mother had moved into the Genovian consulate back in San Francisco and had been living there during the year.) Clarisse was having tea with the wives of a couple of Parliament members and she'd required it of Mia to join them, and I was standing by in the next room as security protocol dictated. Mia tried very hard to make proper conversation, but she was so nervous that she kept stuttering, and her anxiousness only made her clumsiness worse; she actually fell twice and spilled her cup of tea on her dress in the end. Clarisse tried to smooth things over with the two older women, but the tension in the air was palpable as they were both clearly annoyed with Mia. And maybe Clarisse Renaldi _was _the love of my life, but my heart really sank that day to see that her first concern had been to try to save face with two annoying, uppity old biddies and _not_ to defend her grandchild like a _real_ grandma would have as those women made several mean-spirited, snide remarks at Mia's expense, covered underneath a veneer of joking. Yes, Clarisse was the reigning Queen of Genovia and she had terribly heavy responsibilities, and as her oldest friend, _nobody _knew that fact better than I did, but I _also _knew that there were times to put the royal titles aside and loved ones first. The very moment the first insult was fired at Mia from those dreadful old bats, I knew that Mia needed Clarisse to put the Queen of Genovia aside and be Grandma for her, and to put it mildly, Clarisse failed Mia miserably that day.

After that horrible tea was over and those women left, Mia quickly excused herself and left the sitting room as well and ran outside. Knowing that she needed a shoulder to cry on, I had Shades take over my post for a little while and I went looking for her. I soon found her standing on the small stone bridge overlooking the little stream that went through the palace garden, and I approached her.

"It'll make you feel better if you talk about it rather than keeping it all bottled up, you know," I told her, trying to give her gentle nudge.

"I appreciate the offer, Joe," she sighed, "but I really don't think it will. Not this time."

"Why not?"

"Because I know the way the rest of the world thinks, especially people your age. It's okay for parents and grandparents to get hurt and angry if kids do something to hurt them, but if a parent or a grandparent does anything to hurt their child or their grandchild, and if you need to vent about it, it's _never, ever _okay to do that and if you do, you just get an earful about being respectful of them. I get so sick and tired of how the rest of the world always gets onto kids to respect their parents and their grandparents, but acts like it's perfectly okay for parents and grandparents to disrespect their kids and grandkids. It's like all you adults believe that younger people's feelings don't matter as much as older people's feelings do, and I'm sick to death of the thoughts and feelings of people my age getting brushed off just because we're younger."

"And you're afraid that because I happen to have been born a few months before you were," I teased, which got a laugh out of Mia, "I'll just preach at you to be more respectful of your grandmother and not be very respectful of you and your feelings."

Mia looked me in the eye then and told me honestly, "Yes."

"Your grandmother is the ruler of a country and as a ruler, she carries a tremendous burden every day of her life, and everybody naturally sees that and feels a great deal of respect for her because of it, including you. Because your grandmother is indeed a very special lady, it's hard on you inside when you're having feelings of hurt and anger towards her. Believe me, I know. I speak from experience. The Queen has been a very dear friend of mine for a lot of years, and I've had times where I've felt hurt and angry at her myself, so I know how tough it can be when that happens.

"And you are right in what you said. Sadly, even in today's world, many, many people tend to forget that young people have the same rights to consideration and respect as their parents and grandparents do. Far too many people still do believe that it's okay to brush someone's views off simply because they're the views of a younger individual. Please believe me when I tell you that I will _never_ do that to you. I won't berate you for your feelings, and I won't tell you not to feel hurt or angry or sad, about your grandmother or about anything. I won't ever try to tell you what you should be feeling and what you shouldn't be. It's true that I care for your grandmother deeply, but I want you to know that I care for you every bit as much as I care for her, and I also want you to know that if you'll let me, I'll always be there for you whenever you need to talk. I mean that."

Mia gave me smile and then she put her arms around me and said, "Thank you, Joe," as I returned the hug.

When the embrace was over, I said to Mia, "She's really hurt you today, hasn't she?"

"I guess that what happened at tea today just kind of opened up some old wounds for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well before I say anything else, I just want to say first off that I really do love and respect my grandma. A lot."

"I know you do."

"And I want to say that I know that she's ruling an entire country, and that she's got about the hardest job any human being could possibly have, and I respect that. I really do. I think that my grandmother is an extremely special person to do what she does every day, and I've always felt that way, Joe. Always."

"I know."

"And I also know that I couldn't even begin to imagine what it must be like for a parent to lose a child. I know that she must have been in so much pain since Dad's death, and I know that she's incredibly strong to keep going the way she does without ever letting it show. I do admire her with all my heart."

"Believe me, my dear, I do know that. You've always made your love and your respect for your grandmother more than obvious."

"I just can't help but wish that sometimes, she'd make her love for me as obvious as you say I make my love and respect for her," Mia said quietly.

"She hurt you, didn't she?" I gently prodded her again, knowing that that was what she'd need in order to really open up to me.

"Yeah. I remember last year when you quoted what Eleanor Roosevelt said about how you shouldn't give another person your consent to make you feel inferior. But I've always really struggled with my self-esteem inside, and when other people insult me, it's extremely hard not to believe that those insults are true. And with all due respect to Grandma, when it comes to things like self-confidence and self-esteem, I think she's always had it a lot easier than I have. I don't think she really understands how it feels to have that struggle inside. _She knows_ how important she is and how much she matters to people. For the first sixteen years of my life, I believed that I didn't even matter enough to my own father for him to pick up a phone and talk to me. I may understand it all now why he felt he had to stay out of my life, but it still doesn't change the fact that growing up believing my own father didn't care enough about me to have a simple conversation with me really made me think that I was pretty worthless for most of my life. And it's like nobody here ever cares about that, about _me_, about what _I've _been through losing a father that I never really had in the first place.

"And it's been almost as bad with Grandma. It hurt me just as much never hearing from my grandparents as it did never hearing from my father. Sometimes when I feel hurt by what my father did, or by something my grandmother did or said, people tell me to try to understand things from _their _point of view, but there are times when I think it's _Grandma _who ought to be the one to sit down for a minute and think about things from _my _perspective. I wonder how _she _might feel if things had been reversed. How would _she_ feel, Joe, if she'd been an ordinary kid one minute, and the next, this grandmother _who has never once done anything to show her that she cares about her existence for sixteen years _just shows up and starts trying to get her to change _everything _about her life in order to fit into her personal agenda, without showing the _tiniest _bit of concern for how much her absence through the years must have hurt her? It's like Grandma's never _once _cared about that. She's probably never even taken the time to _think _about it.

"And before you give me the whole lecture about how Grandma just wanted to make certain to have a Renaldi on the throne so that the von Trokens could never take over, I just want to say that I do understand about that." Baron Siegfried von Troken and his wife, Baroness Joy von Troken, were a cold, ruthless couple in the Genovian royal line of succession just behind Lord Nicholas Devereaux, who'd made many underhanded attempts at taking over through the years, and it was always obvious what a disaster it would've been for Genovia had their scheming ever succeeded. "But she could have done it without steamrolling me with all her royal plans for me the way she did when we first met. She could have gone a little bit slower and taken the time to really get to know me first, and she could have acted like she cared about _me, the person_, before the Renaldi princess.

"And when those women were insulting me in there and Grandma was just letting it happen, I felt like it was _Grandma, herself _who was insulting me. I felt like she was agreeing with them with her silence. It made me feel like that first day of princess lessons all over again when Grandma was just firing one insult at me after another in the name of her 'evaluation.' It always burned my butt the way that she told me one day how much manners mattered, when the day before while she was evaluating my appearance, she didn't use _any _manners with me at all! It made me so mad how hypocritical she was being. If _I _had treated _Grandma _like that, the whole world would say what a horrible kid and what a horrible granddaughter I was. But I guess if you're older and if you're a parent or a grandparent, and especially if you're a queen, _well! _That just automatically makes insulting another person like that okay! Well personally, I think that's a bunch of baloney! I think that a younger person's feelings deserve consideration and respect just as much as an older person's feelings do."

"And I think you're absolutely right. Oh, my dear," I sighed as I held the side of Mia's face with my hand for a moment. "People are often so very ignorant of what it's _really _like to be royal. They think it's the easiest, happiest life a person could have, when in fact, it's one of the toughest. You're right when you say that people don't think about, nor do they appreciate the extremely painful consequences your parents' decisions had for you in your own personal life. Your father did what he felt was best for his country in the end, and he's always applauded for making such a big sacrifice. Your mother chose to raise you as an ordinary person in order to protect you from the press, and she's always applauded for doing what she felt was best for you. People brush off what your father and your grandparents did to you because they were royals with a country to take care of. But even though your father and your grandparents had to do what was right for Genovia, _it doesn't make it okay that you had to grow up thinking that they didn't love you or want you. _And it's okay for you to feel hurt and angry about that. Your parents both had to make some terribly tough decisions that hurt them very, very much, but it was _you _who had to endure the consequences of it, and the way that made you feel throughout your childhood, and the way it makes you feel now, _does matter. _People often don't stop to think that as hard as it was for your parents to get a divorce and as hard as it was for your father to not be able to watch you grow up, _it was hardest for you of all. _There are very good reasons why you had to grow up without a father and without your grandparents, _but it doesn't make it right. _There was simply no other way for them to do it, but the way you've suffered as a result is heartbreaking.

"As for your grandmother, I know that she didn't think about your feelings the way she should have. I know that most of the time, she really doesn't, and I know how that hurts you. You're right that she's never really had the same struggle with her self-esteem that you have. And because criticism and insults don't have the same impact on her that they do on you, she doesn't always _think _before she speaks. And you're also right that just because you're younger, it didn't give her the right to say a bunch of hurtful things to you. She could have explained the things that needed changing in your appearance with tact, _not insults_, and she _should _have done it that way. Being older than you, being your grandmother, and being a queen is no excuse.

"And I know she was wrong to steamroll you the way she did when you first met. You're right; she _should _have taken the time to get to know you first and to let you know how much she and your father have always loved you before springing the full truth on you like that. She should have addressed all the pain her absence and your father's absence from your life has caused you _well before _she started trying to get you to be the Princess of Genovia. Even though it was for a good reason, the fact remains that your father and your grandmother abandoned you for the first sixteen years of your life, and that that was a massive betrayal of your trust, and I know your grandmother never really addressed that and dealt with it in your relationship the way she should have. You're right. _She should have _taken the time to earn your trust again before doing anything else. I know that the way she handled your first meeting gave you the impression that she cares more about your royal title than she cares about you, and I know how much that has hurt you. And I know that what happened at tea today brought all of that back, and it's okay for you to feel hurt and angry at your grandmother for causing you all this pain. It doesn't mean you don't love her, and it doesn't mean you don't respect her.

"But take it from someone who sometimes knows your grandmother better than she knows herself. Underneath that aloof, tough, proud exterior of hers is a very caring woman who loves her granddaughter dearly. She has to put up this wall of cool professionalism around her heart all the time so she can function every day as Queen, and because she always spends so much time being this perfectly poised royal, she can't always show the people she loves the most just how much they mean to her the way they need her to. I know you needed your grandma to be a grandma in there today, and she couldn't stop being the Queen. But she didn't act that way because she doesn't love you. _She does love you, _Miss Mia. She loves you so much more than she's able to show you right now. I know you need more from your grandmother than she's able to give. I know you need sensitivity and support and reassurance from her, and that because of her position as Queen, she doesn't always have those things to give you. I know that it hurts and I know it's unfair that you can't always be loved the way you need to be loved, and I know that all your life, you've really gotten a bum deal out of this whole thing.

"But even though your father was never there for you, and even though your grandmother was never there for sixteen years, they did love you and they _never _meant to cause you this much pain. You meant the world to your father when he was alive, and I know she doesn't always show it the way you need her to, but you mean the world to your grandmother, too. I know how much they made you doubt their love; how much your grandmother _still _makes you doubt her love at times, but please, _please _hang on to what I'm telling you: _they have always loved you, and you have always been something special. Always. _Please try to believe that, even though it can be hard to."

Mia smiled and said, "I'll try, Joe. Thank you so much."

I returned the smile and told her, "Of course."

* * *

A little while after Clarisse and I ate breakfast together in the lounge, we decided to go back to the palace to try to catch up on some sleep since Mia and Lionel still wanted to be alone. After we got back, we managed to sleep for several hours and later that evening, we went back to the hospital and found both Mia and Lionel still next to each other in Mia's bed, sound asleep. Lionel heard us when we came in and woke up.

"Oh, hey," he said sleepily as he stretched. "What time is it?"

"It's about half past four," Clarisse told him. "Have you both slept through the day?"

"Pretty much, yes. I did get Mia up when they brought her lunch in at noon, though. I got her to eat a little something."

"Good. I'm glad," said Clarisse. "Have you eaten today, Lionel?"

"No, ma'am. After she ate some lunch, we both just went right back to sleep."

"Well why don't you go home for a little while, eat, get a shower and a change of clothes, and come back?" I suggested. I knew Clarisse and I couldn't convince him to not spend the night in the hospital with Mia any more than he could convince us not to.

"Yeah, I guess I will."

"I think that would be best," Clarisse agreed.

"And we'll be right here with her," I assured him. "She won't be alone."

Lionel gently rose from Mia's bed then so he wouldn't wake her, and as he put his black tuxedo jacket back on, he told us, "Thank you." Lionel had gotten on a plane and flown in just minutes after he'd gotten dressed for the wedding. He'd taken off the black bow tie, vest, and jacket shortly after arriving at the hospital.

"Of course. And we'll call you if there's any change while you're at the palace," Clarisse assured him.

"I really appreciate that. If, uh…if Mia wakes up while I'm gone–"

"We'll tell her you love her, and that you'll be back soon," I said.

"Thank you. I'll be back as quickly as I can."

"We'll be here," said Clarisse.

About an hour after Lionel left, Mia's best friend, Lilly Moscovitz-Kelly, came by the hospital with her husband Kip. Lilly and Captain Kip Kelly of the Genovian Royal Guard had first met each other at the Genovian Independence Day Parade shortly before Mia ascended the throne, and they fell in love and got married around a year later, and then Lilly moved to Genovia to live with Kip. A year after they were married, Lilly gave birth to fraternal twin boys, Josh and Lucas, and Kip actually left his military career to be a stay-at-home father while Lilly continued in her work as an activist. Mia's girls regularly spent time at Lilly's house and Lilly's boys visited the palace just as often.

When Lilly and Kip got there, they told us that they'd taken the girls back to the palace, and then they stayed for about an hour or so, during which time, Lionel returned. He'd changed out of his wedding suit and was now wearing the same black attire he and all the other guards typically wore when on duty, including myself. Even after Lionel married Mia and was made the Duke of Mertz, he didn't want anything about his position on the palace security staff to change. Mia had wanted to make Lionel her official bodyguard for quite some time before they married, just as I had been her grandmother's for so many years, but because I hadn't felt that Lionel had enough experience yet, I recommended against it, and Shades remained her personal bodyguard. I did allow it once they were married, though, because I felt he was able to handle it by then and I also knew that as her husband, he'd be spending even more time with her than a typical royal bodyguard anyway. And once they returned from their little honeymoon in Mertz, Lionel took over for Shades and he continued his work on the security staff without any major changes, which I admired. Thankfully, the new title did not go to his head, but his status as the husband of the Queen of the Genovia did require that he have some people protecting him in addition to Mia.

But while there were some things Lionel and I could protect the Queens of Genovia from, there were some things we simply couldn't, no matter how badly we wanted to. As I watched Lionel sitting at Mia's bedside stroking her hand, I knew exactly what he was thinking and how he was feeling. He was thinking and feeling the same things I would be if it were Clarisse in that bed and me sitting next to her. He was wishing above all else, that he could have taken Mia's heart attack and other health problems for her. I know he would have gladly taken all this on himself in a heartbeat if he could have. And I know Clarisse was thinking the same thing. Both she and Mia had had unimaginably hard, painful paths to follow as Queen of Genovia. I watched Clarisse struggle through the pain of a loveless marriage for most of her life, and as she went through the agony of losing her son, all the while living up to her duties as Queen of Genovia without complaint, even with such an incredibly heavy load as that on her shoulders. I also watched as Mia was basically tossed into the Atlantic in the middle of a storm without a life raft, struggling to go from a middle-class kid one day to a royal princess in the world spotlight the next, with absolutely no warning whatsoever. I watched as she came to love and admire her grandmother, and as she tried so hard to fit into her grandmother's royal world, a place where someone with her background was not easily accepted. And finally, I watched as she made the ultimate sacrifice for her country six years ago, and what that sacrifice has done to her health ever since. And there was nothing I could do to protect her or Clarisse from what she was going through, and that's always been the hardest thing for me.

Around nine-thirty that evening, Mia woke up for a few minutes, and after sharing a long kiss with Lionel and asking about the girls, she reached out to Clarisse for a hug. Before six years ago, hugs were always a rare thing for Clarisse to give because of all the training she'd had her whole life telling her it was unacceptable to make a public show of affection for anyone, even her own family. After we came so close to losing Mia though, that mental rulebook Clarisse had lived by all her life went clean out the window, and she stopped feeling ashamed to show her love for someone in front of others, and hugging Mia was something she couldn't get enough of. And with her finally receiving the show of love and support from her grandmother the way she'd needed to all these years, Mia really thrived inside. And when Clarisse used her gift with Mia to pour her love into her, it was also a tremendous help to Mia _physically. _Mia told me several times that after Clarisse used her gift to show her how much she loved her, she often felt a great deal stronger.

Mia had fallen asleep last night almost immediately after she was brought into the ICU, and she had slept all through the night and most of the day today, so Clarisse hadn't really had the chance to use her gift with her to help her. As their embrace went on for much, much longer than a typical hug, however, I knew that Clarisse was using her gift with Mia once again. I watched as Mia's face was overcome with joy, and I knew how much happiness it gave Clarisse to be able to do that for her. Their relationship was now everything it should have been all along. It just broke my heart that they'd had to go through so much agony and turmoil together in order to get to where they were now, and all I could do was simply pray that they would still have plenty of time left to enjoy it.


	6. I Dreamed a Dream

**Chapter Six**

_Clarisse_

Over the next couple of days, lots of people came by the hospital to check on Mia in addition to the hundreds of citizens and reporters that were continually camped outside. Everybody from the palace staff came, including the head housekeeper, Mrs. Kay Kout (whom we all now called by her first name), Mia's lady's maids, Brigitte and Brigitta, my lady's maids, Priscilla and Olivia, and of course, our dear assistant, Charlotte Kutaway. Prime Minister Sebastian Motaz and his wife Sheila had stayed in L.A. to attend the wedding, and they too came by the hospital as soon as they got back to Genovia. But I think one of the visits Mia had that touched me the most was the one from Baroness von Troken.

It was about four in the afternoon, and Sebastian and Sheila had just left. Joseph and Lionel were in Mia's ICU room with her and I'd decided to take a little walk to stretch my legs, which was fine because Shades and the rest of Royal Security had done an excellent job of securing the hospital while Mia was there. There were guards all over the place. And after I'd taken my little walk down the corridor, I ran into Joy von Troken, who'd just gotten off the elevator.

In the past, the very sight of that lady and her husband had tied my stomach up in knots. Before Baron Siegfried von Troken had married Lady Joy Beaumont, he'd been an annoying nuisance, but nothing more. But because of the bitter rivalry that had been happening between the two of us at the time, Joy pushed her husband into trying every low, dirty, underhanded trick in the book to attempt to steal the throne from Rupert and me so that she could get revenge against me. She'd hated me with all her being for decades, and while I didn't allow myself to give in to the desire to hate her in return, I'll just say that Joy von Troken was _not _my most favorite person in the world, either. I prayed for her and her husband and I always treated them with kindness, not only because I was the Queen but because I well knew what Jesus said about loving our enemies, but there was still a lot of strife between our families for many years. When Mia had first been rushed to the hospital six years ago, though, Joy and Siegfried actually came by and Joy tried to apologize to me for everything, but as terrified as I'd been of losing Mia then, I was _not _in the mood to hear it and I told her to simply leave me alone. Things didn't stay that way between us, however. Amazingly enough, today, our families are good friends with each other, and Joy and Siegfried love my Mia almost as much as Joseph, Lionel, and I do. And this monumental change in our relationship, believe it or not, actually took place through an international singing contest of all things. The Lord really does move in mysterious ways.

* * *

Every year in August, an international singing competition called the Whitestone Singing Contest is held in the capital of the country of previous year's winner. The Whitestone Singing Contest, sometimes referred to simply as the Whitestone Contest or the Whitestone Competition, was often called the Olympics of singing. Professional singers in numerous different genres from all over the world performed before a panel of judges and an audience, and the singer with the highest score in a particular genre of music won an award for that genre. The singer with the highest score of all singers in all genres was the winner of the overall competition, and that person received a cash award to be donated to the charity of their choice (since all the competitors were typically celebrities) and the award, which was a small statue in the shape of a musical note, as well as the enormous prestige that went along with the award. To say the very least, the Whitestone Competition _was not _an easy contest to win. But while I'd been away at school as a teenager, I'd tried.

Singing was once the greatest passion of my life. To say that I absolutely _adored _it would be an incredible understatement. Unfortunately though, I'd been told all my life that it was unsuitable for a young lady of my station to have a career in music. I was supposed to marry into another noble family, or perhaps even into a royal one, and be an aristocratic wife and mother, and there was no room for any other kind of career for me as a young woman in those days, and a singing career least of all. But of course, _no_ teenager is going to listen to her parents when they try to stop her from living out her dreams.

When I was in my last year of school at age seventeen, I secretly signed up to compete to represent England in the contest. There were four competitions in the contest a singer had to win. A contestant had to win the semi-finals and then the finals in his or her own country for the honor of representing that country in a particular genre, and then the contestant had to compete in the international semi-finals and then the finals. It was all eventually narrowed down to contestants from twenty countries. I had chosen to perform the song _I Dreamed a Dream _from _Les Miserables _in the musicals genre, and I actually won the semi-finals in England, unbeknownst to my parents, of course.

However, it didn't take them long to see my picture in a newspaper and when they did, let's just say that something unpleasant hit the fan. It was alright for me to be trained in different areas of music. It was alright for me to take years of singing and piano lessons, and it was alright for me to develop my then five-octave singing voice…_in private. _It was acceptable for me to play and sing at private family gatherings. It was all considered a part of the training a proper noble lady should have. _But it was not acceptable for me to enter public competitions or make a career of it_, as they told me time and time again the day they saw that newspaper. And even though I was furious with him for it, my father made some calls and had me officially withdrawn from the contest, and about a month later, we left for our summer house in Genovia.

For the first seventeen years of my life, I actually considered myself British and not Genovian. My mother was Italian on her father's side and Genovian on her mother's, and she'd been born and raised in Genovia and it was because of her that I fell in love with it myself, but I still saw myself as English first and foremost since I'd only spent summers in Genovia and the rest of the year in Britain as I was growing up. After I'd completed my schooling in England, however, my parents decided to move to Genovia year-round, and it was shortly after my eighteenth birthday that they received word from the Genovian Royal Family that the Crown Prince of Genovia was interested in meeting me. The rest, as they say, was history. Then Prince Rupert and I were engaged within four months of our first meeting, and shortly after I turned nineteen, I was the Princess of Genovia by marriage. A couple of months after that, Rupert's father abdicated the throne and Rupert and I became the reigning King and Queen of Genovia. And it was then that the feud between the von Trokens and the Renaldis began in earnest.

Joy von Troken did her homework on me quite thoroughly, and she quickly learned what my singing voice meant to me. I was _always _finding excuses to sing in the palace, and as with my parents, my husband did allow me to sing in private gatherings. When I'd overstrained my voice about a year after Rupert and I were married, I was told I had nodules on my vocal cords and that I needed surgery to correct it. As it turned out, I'd needed simple vocal rest, _not surgery_, and the doctor that performed the surgery on my voice did irreparable damage to it. To put it mildly, I was _devastated _when I'd learned that the five-octave voice that had meant so much to me was gone. And Joy von Troken had been behind it all.

Rupert had actually met and courted her shortly before we met, and he had decided that he wasn't interested in her. She, however, had been madly in love with Rupert, and she'd been as devastated when he'd rejected her as I'd been when I lost my voice. Needing someone to blame, naturally, she pointed the finger at me when Rupert had chosen me to be his wife over her, and she'd become so consumed with her anger and hatred towards me that she'd made it her mission in life to get revenge against me. And when she'd realized what my singing meant to me, she paid my specialist off to ruin my voice after I'd strained it.

It took me _years _to forgive Joy von Troken for what she did to me, but with the good Lord's help, I eventually realized that if I didn't, I would one day become as filled with anger, hatred, and spite as she was, and I couldn't allow that to happen. It was horribly difficult and painful to accept, but I eventually did accept it and manage to move on with my life and serve my country as its Queen, and raise two beautiful children. I'd also gotten the most wonderful little granddaughter in the world, and I'd been there to watch her grow up from a teenage girl into a woman, and I got to see her crowned Princess and later Queen of Genovia, herself. That night that Mia found the old footage in the palace video library of me giving a private performance, I had no regrets.

When Mia played the performance for me that night, she asked me, "Grandma, why was your singing voice so different then from the way it is now?"

I then went on to tell her the whole story about my love of singing, as well as what Baroness von Troken had done, and she was so loving and sweet.

She instantly pulled me into her arms and gave me the biggest hug, and then she said, "Oh Grandma, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that."

I just laughed and said, "Oh honey, you don't have to worry about me. I'm perfectly happy. I don't need my old singing voice in order to be happy with my life. I'm okay. I'm just fine."

"I know, but it still hurts me that you went through that," Mia told me, and it really warmed my heart because I knew she meant it, and I could feel how very much she loved me.

"Oh, don't be silly! I'm alright, little one. I really am," I reassured her, shrugging it off as much as possible so that Mia wouldn't be upset.

"I know how painful that must have been for you, though."

"It was pretty painful, but it all happened a very long time ago and I'm well over it, sweetie. Don't worry."

"I just wish that there was some way I could give your old voice back to you."

"It doesn't matter anymore. Believe me," I tried to assure her, but I didn't succeed.

Because Genovia was such a tiny country, it was often forgotten by the rest of the world. On the international world stage, Genovia was _not _taken very seriously. Since the story of Mia's royal heritage was considered by many to be a real Cinderella story and because Mia was born and raised in America, Genovia received some attention from the world for a little while, but it soon went back to being the same tiny, overlooked country that it was before. Genovia _never _won any kind of international competitions before; Genovian athletes almost always placed last in the Olympics, not because they weren't any good, but mostly because they lacked confidence, coming from a country that _nobody _ever took seriously. And while many other countries all over the world competed for a place in the international semi-finals and finals of the Whitestone Competition, Genovia didn't. However, that didn't stop Baroness von Troken from actually hosting the competition. In another attempt to take a cheap shot at me, shortly after I lost my singing voice, she used her connections and got the job emceeing the competition every year, just so she could be a part of something that I'd been robbed of.

But for the first time ever in Genovian history, that year, Genovians competed in different musical genres for a place in the international semi-finals of the Whitestone Competition. All the singers failed to make it except one, who actually went on to the finals. I had stopped paying attention to the Whitestone Singing Contest a long time ago, so I hadn't even known that that was going on. When August of that year came around, though, I was told that the singer from Genovia actually made it to the international finals, which amazed me since it's such an incredibly difficult thing to do, and as I said, when it came to international competitions and contests of any kind, Genovia _never _did very well. And because Mia and Lionel had to go to Spain on a diplomatic trip, she asked me to attend the competition in her place. It was a pretty big deal for Genovia after all, and it was only right that someone from the Royal Family be there to support the singer representing our country. Ordinarily, I would have tried to get someone else to go for me, but Mia was the person who asked me to go for her, and she assured me time and time again that there would be a surprise there that I would like, so for her sake, I agreed.

As it turned out, the Genovian semi-finals and finals had taken place only in front of the panel of judges and not in front of an audience, and it had been the same way for the international semi-finals of the Whitestone Competition. There was apparently a singer in the competition who'd had it arranged that way because this person had wanted to keep his or her identity a secret until the night of the finals. There was a lot of talk and speculation as to who this person was and why this person wanted to do things that way, but nobody had any answers.

When the last contestant of the competition got on stage to perform, though, Joseph and I immediately knew why it was done that way. The contestant from Genovia was the last person to sing, and she was a _gorgeous _young lady who in fact had actually chosen to perform in the genre of songs from musicals, and the song she'd chosen to sing was none other than _I Dreamed a Dream _from _Les Miserables. _And the young lady was my dear granddaughter.

"Finally," said Baroness von Troken, "we have a singer representing my home country tonight, the country of Genovia, in the genre of songs featured in musicals. Ladies and gentlemen, representing Genovia tonight is Mia Thermopolis, singing the song, _I Dreamed a Dream _from _Les Miserables._" After she said that, she quickly exited the stage and Mia came on, wearing a beautiful long-sleeved black velvet dress, with her hair done up nicely in a lovely French twist, and the audience loudly applauded her.

But while the audience applauded and the music started, my stomach churned. While everyone had seen and heard the reports of what had happened to Mia in the news media, very few people _really _understood what she'd actually been through the way I did. People may have had a mental knowledge of my little girl's injuries, but they weren't the ones who'd held her in their arms while she'd _cried _from the pain. They weren't the ones who'd had to stand by helplessly and watch her struggle to breathe. My poor little girl's body had gone through _pure hell,_ and that certainly included her lungs. She'd developed severe asthma as a result of everything that had happened to her lungs, on top of all the lung damage she already had, and although it had been almost two years since she'd been so ill, I knew that the _last _thing she needed to be doing was singing. If Mia did anything to push her lungs too hard, she'd often suffer a terrible asthma attack as a result, and as she walked up to that microphone that night, I just wanted to run up on that stage and _beg _her not to go through with it.

While I was worried to death for Mia inside, however, I was also stunned by just how incredible of a singer she actually was. Mia sang the shorter version of _I Dreamed a Dream _that night, and as she sang through the first lines of the first verse, she used very little vibrato and I knew that was because she was saving herself for the big, emotional climax of the song. But even without the emotional vibrato, she sang _so _beautifully. She sang just as well as any professional singer, and again, I was amazed because I'd never actually heard her sing before, and I'd had no idea she was that skilled at it.

But just before she got to the line, "But the tigers come at night," I saw her take a big gulp of air and that's when I really started to worry because I knew she was starting to get short of breath, and the climax of the song was coming up. In that moment, I heard somebody sitting in the row in front of me whisper, "Can she sustain it?" I imagine that same question was on everybody's minds in the audience that night, but it wasn't what I was thinking. I was thinking that all my years of training and instruction that taught me to always be perfectly calm and poised in every situation could kiss my rear end! I was thinking that if she started having a lot of trouble breathing up there, I was going to run up onto that stage and take my little girl away from that microphone and out of the competition. My parents keeping me out of it because they didn't think it was proper for a girl of my station to do be doing it was one thing, but this was entirely different. This was my little girl we were talking about, here, and as I watched her struggle to sing that song, I knew if she pushed herself too hard she would _murder _her poor lungs, and I wasn't about to let that happen.

_Baby, please, please stop,_ I kept begging her inside as she continued to sing. _Don't do this to yourself, little one! Please! _But of course, the song went on.

Mia sang up to the high point of the song, the line, "As they tear your dreams to shame," and when she sang that line, she hit it head on with full vibrato, and it was absolutely perfect. Audiences were always asked to remain quiet during performances, but seeing how Mia was determined to push through and keep singing her way through that song regardless of how out of breath she was getting only made the audience more determined to _help _her do so, and they did it by giving her overwhelming applause and a standing ovation. And despite how difficult it clearly was for her to do it, she finished the song perfectly, and the audience boomed with applause.

But while everybody else was clapping and cheering their hearts out, as I watched Mia struggle to catch her breath on that stage, I started to run up there to her, and I couldn't have cared less about whether it was the "proper" thing for a royal to do or not! That was _my baby _up there, and I _had _to make sure she was alright. However, just as I was about to start walking up there, Joseph grabbed me by the arm and stopped me.

"Wait," he said. "Hold on a second. Just give her a minute."

"Joseph, can't you see how out of breath she is? She's in trouble! She needs me!"

It was in that next moment that Mia began to breathe a little easier, and it was then that she took a long, well-deserved bow, while the audience was still on their feet cheering. After the bow was over, she smiled and then walked off the stage.

After some time passed, Joy von Troken walked up to the mic to announce the winners of all the different song genres, and sure enough, Mia's rendition of _I Dreamed a Dream _won in the category of songs featured in musicals, which didn't surprise me a bit. But when she announced the winner of the overall competition, I _did _get a big surprise.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, I am going to announce the winner of the Whitestone Singing Contest of 2009. This award and the prize money goes to the contestant with the highest score of all musical genres. But I don't think I actually have to announce this year's winner, _because we all know who has won here tonight!_" The instant she said that, the crowd erupted in applause once more. On the overhead screen of the stage, whenever the winner was announced, the flag of the country that year's winner was representing would be displayed, and in that moment, blue, white, and green, the colors of the Genovian flag, filled the screen and the applause from the audience grew even louder. "Tonight's winner," Joy continued, "is Her _Great _Majesty Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Motaz-Renaldi, Queen of Genovia!" Again, the entire building just _exploded _with applause.

"Before this award is presented, though," Joy said after everyone quieted down a little, "there's something I have to say first. Not all of you may know this, but the former Queen of Genovia, Her Majesty Clarisse Renaldi, used to dream of a career in music when she was younger. She actually competed in this contest in secret and won the semi-finals in her then home country of England, but because it was not considered appropriate for a young lady of a noble family to have a singing career back then, her parents had her withdrawn from the contest. Then because of my own jealousy and hatred of Her Majesty, I actually paid a surgeon to damage the remarkable singing voice she once had. It was hateful, spiteful, and unforgivable on my part. My even hosting this very competition has simply been another way for me to be a thorn in Her Majesty's side.

"But after seeing what Queen Mia has gone through for the sake of her country and the people she loves, and after getting to know her better during the course of this competition, I've learned to see things in a different light, and I've made up my mind to become a better person than I was. Some parts of this competition were not held before a live audience or televised because Queen Mia wanted to compete in secret. And the reason she wanted to do that was because she'd hoped to be able to surprise her grandmother if she won. Queen Clarisse, if you'll recall, your granddaughter told you that she'd forgotten your birthday last week. Well, in the words of Queen Mia herself, she was just messing with you." When she said that, the audience laughed. "We had a long talk about it and we agreed that if she won this contest tonight, I would publically confess to what I did to you all those years ago and apologize for it. And instead of me presenting this award to your granddaughter tonight, she wants it to be presented to you, and given everything that I've put you through over the years, we both think it's only fair that I should be the one to put this award into your hands personally. So, Your Majesty, I just want to say that from the bottom of my heart, I realize how awful I've been all these years and I am so very sorry. I know a mere apology cannot make up for what you've lost because of me, but for what it's worth, I truly do apologize. And on behalf of your incredible granddaughter," she said as she held out the trophy, "Happy Birthday."

In a way I found her apology touching, but after so many years of grief she'd given my family and me, I was pretty skeptical. I wasn't skeptical of _Mia _at all. I knew that all of this was her precious, loving way of trying to somehow make up for what I'd lost and to give me a special birthday gift, and even though I hadn't believed it possible, it only made me love her that much more. She was so, _so _sweet and thoughtful and loving, and I adored her for it. But I wouldn't have put it past Joy von Troken to take advantage of my granddaughter's kindness and pure heart by pretending to be all apologetic to me just to get me to lower my guard. I got up from my seat and I started walking up to the stage because I knew what was expected of me: to act all nice, lovey-dovey, and forgiving after Baroness von Troken's big speech. After being a royal all these years, I knew the drill, and I knew how to put on the performance everyone else expected out of me. But I wasn't going to let down my guard around her or her husband for a single moment because I knew them both too well.

As I walked up onto the stage, I braced myself inside for the hug I knew was coming. The thought of hugging that woman made me sick inside and I was _not _in the mood for it, but of course, that was what the people were wanting to see and I had to oblige. However, when I walked up to her, though, she seemed to sense what I was feeling, and she stuck out her hand for me to shake instead. And the really amazing thing was, even though I wasn't using my gift, I sensed it from her that that speech was actually _true! _I didn't see the usual fiery hatred for me in her eyes that had always been there before. This time, there really did seem to be genuine sorrow and regret in her eyes for the way she'd treated me. And I sensed it from her that she'd offered me her hand to shake because she truly did want to be respectful of my feelings.

After the handshake was over, she handed me the award, and again the audience applauded and cheered like crazy. But in that next instant, I saw Mia standing just offstage in the back, and I immediately put the award down and went to her. I didn't want an award in that moment; _I just wanted my baby! _Mia walked out onstage to meet me, and I gave my little girl the biggest hug of my life, and I didn't care less that we were on television and that there were thousands of people watching in the audience and millions more around the world. _I was not _going to be ashamed of showing love to my little one, not after everything she'd just put herself through for me.

"You shouldn't have done this, baby," I told her as tears came to my eyes. "You should never have put your lungs through all of this. Not for me. I don't need a trophy, sweetheart. I don't need a surprise birthday present or an award, and I don't even need my old singing voice. _I just need you. You're _all that matters to me. _You're _my gift, on my birthday and every other day of the year. Don't you know that?"

"Of course I do, Grandma, but I _wanted _to do this for you."

"Oh honey, _please _promise me that you will never do anything to hurt your lungs like that again."

"I won't, Grandma," Mia said, and then I gave her another hug and I kissed her cheek.

"I love you so much, little one," I whispered in her ear.

"I love you, too. Now go out there and give your acceptance speech!" she said with a big smile.

"Oh, no! _You're _going out there and giving the speech because it is _your _award that _you _earned."

"I earned it for _you. _It's _your _award, now. It's your birthday gift," Mia insisted, and then I suddenly remembered why Mia _really _struggled with giving speeches. She was considerably better at it now than she once was, but it still terrified her at times, and for very good reason.

"Oh darling, I'm so sorry. I actually forgot about it for a second, but you're afraid to go out there, aren't you?"

"Afraid? You mean of giving the acceptance speech? Oh, no, not really. It's true that I still _hate _giving speeches more than just about anything, but it's not nearly as terrifying for me as it used to be."

"Well, if you're sure that you can really handle it alright, then I want you to give the acceptance speech because _you _earned this, baby."

"If that's what you want," Mia said, and then I smiled and nodded, and she walked up to the microphone a moment later. The audience applauded once more, and then after they quieted down, Mia said, "I just want to take a quick moment tonight to say thank you, first of all, to Jesus who saved both my spiritual and physical life, and second, to my wonderful family and friends; to my grandma, who inspired me to come here tonight to compete for her; to Joseph, for being such an incredible friend, listener, and father figure for me all these years; to my magnificent husband, Lionel Motaz–" Mia said and in that next instant, all the young men in the audience started booing because they weren't too pleased with Lionel for taking Mia off the market. "Now wait a second! Hold on! Now all you guys know you wouldn't be booing if I had gotten married to one of you," Mia told them, and then they quieted down. "Lionel, honey, I love you and you're the best. Lilly, Charlotte, that goes for you too, and everybody else on staff. I could never do what I do every day without all of you. And finally, thanks to everybody who came out here tonight. Thank you Genovia for all your support! I love you! Goodnight."

After that, Mia left the stage and met Joseph, Lionel, and me in the back. Lionel and Joseph both gave her the biggest hugs and told her how proud of her they were, and after we celebrated a little while, we went back to Genovia. It was only later that I learned just what Mia had gone through in preparing for the competition. She had worked and practiced so hard, and she'd often pushed her lungs too hard and suffered many asthma attacks in the process, several of them severe. Mia had taken a real chance in doing what she did, and it really got to me, thinking that I had a granddaughter who would go through so much and risk setting off a severe asthma attack just for my sake. But as it turned out, it had been well worth it because Genovia actually started _winning _things after that. Mia's performance had inspired Genovia so that Genovian athletes won several gold, silver, and bronze medals in the winter Olympics in Vancouver the following year, and again in 2012. Suddenly thanks to Mia, the world started taking Genovia a little more seriously. And Mia insisted that I pick the charity to donate the prize money to since she'd won the award for me as a birthday gift. Although I resisted at first, Mia wouldn't back down so I finally relented, and I donated the money to a medical organization in Genovia dedicated to improving the lives of people with asthma and C.O.P.D., in honor of Mia.

And the next year, the international semi-finals and finals of the Whitestone Singing Contest were held in Pyrus. It was customary for the winner of the Whitestone Competition to give a performance on the last night of the international finals of the competition the following year, but because of previous diplomatic engagements Mia had, she'd issued a statement from the palace giving her apologies and telling the press she wouldn't be able to be there. However, when the competition took place in Pyrus that next August, a mystery woman who was singing in Mia's place started singing with her back turned to the audience. It was a pop song, and when the beat really started to pick up, the woman turned around and sure enough, it was Mia. And the instant the audience saw her face, the applause went through the roof. As it turned out, Mia was able to successfully reschedule all her diplomatic appointments, and she'd only issued that statement to press because she wanted to give her country a little surprise, and it was a surprise most of Genovia loved, including me. Naturally, there were some who criticized her, claiming that it was "undignified" for the Queen of Genovia to be on a stage singing a pop song in front of millions of people, but most of Genovia praised her for her talent, and for bringing so much new business to Genovia in the first place. Having literally thousands of people pouring into the city of Pyrus to watch the competition that year certainly didn't hurt Genovia's economy any, and the fact of the matter was, ever since Mia performed _I Dreamed a Dream _in the Whitestone Competition, it made Genovia more popular than ever.

And as the former Queen of Genovia myself, I greatly appreciated what her performance the next year did for our country. But as Mia's grandma, that performance was even more special to me than her first one was. Because of all the damage to Mia's lungs, it was terribly difficult for her to sing with vibrato, which was very important in such an emotional song as _I Dreamed a Dream_. In her performance at the Whitestone Competition the following year, however, she was singing a much lighter, much more fun type of song, and it wasn't necessary for her to use vibrato, and I could tell that she was really enjoying herself. As a grandma, I couldn't really enjoy Mia's performance the year before, not because she didn't sing well, but because I knew she was severely out of breath and in distress. But seeing her simply having fun with a song and not pushing her lungs too hard the following year was something I was able to _really _enjoy, and I did.

Over the next few years, as Mia's schedule and health permitted it, she delighted me and the rest of Genovia by giving several performances at big charity events. Such a thing would've been unheard of in my day, of course, and there were still some older nobles and royals in Genovia and throughout the rest of the world who felt that it was demeaning to Mia's royal position. I, however, couldn't have been any prouder of my baby if I'd tried. _I loved _how she was using her creativity and her talent for singing to sponsor, promote, and help raise money for several different charities, and I in fact saw it as a brilliant way of _honoring _her position as Queen of Genovia, not degrading it. I was so proud of her for getting out there and doing something as the reigning Queen of Genovia that I'd never been able to do myself. Mia really got most Genovians to see that as long as she had the talent to sing, there was no reason why she shouldn't use it in her position to reach out and help others in need, which again, was something I'd never been able to do.

* * *

And now, incredibly enough, one of the people who'd always been one of my family's worst enemies was actually here at the hospital, reaching out to _Mia. _I'd remained skeptical of the von Trokens' claims to have a change of heart for a long time, but over the years, they proved their sincerity to me and to Mia. They never again tried to pull any low, deceitful tricks to try and steal the throne, and they actually showed public support for Mia whenever they had the opportunity. And whenever Mia had a problem with her health, they were always right there to give us both their emotional support and their prayers. It certainly didn't happen overnight, but I eventually became convinced that Joy's public admission of guilt and apology several years ago was genuine, and our families actually did manage to bury the hatchet and become friends.

"Your Majesty," Joy said with genuine concern in her voice. I could easily tell she was just as worried about Mia as the rest of us. Then she gave me a hug, which this time, I didn't mind and was actually glad to accept.

"It's good to see you, Joy," I told her, and meant it. Joy was now a good friend to me, and I was glad to have the support she always gave me, not to mention Mia.

"How are things? How is Her Majesty doing now?" she asked as we started walking down the corridor together back to the ICU. Mia and I had told them several times that they could drop the titles, but they always insisted on using them. I think it was their way of trying to be as respectful of us as possible after everything they'd done, which I appreciated. It especially meant a lot to me that they always insisted on showing Mia respect as their Queen.

"She's about the same," I sighed. "Weak. Exhausted. She's pretty out of it right now. This heart attack has really taken its toll."

"Looks like it's taken a toll on you, too," she said sympathetically.

"I'm fine. I'm just worried about my baby, that's all."

"Well of course you are. Who wouldn't be? We're _all _worried about her. And I want you to know that all of Genovia is praying for the Queen now, including me."

"I know, and I thank you. It means a lot. It really does."

"Your Majesty, is there _anything _I can do now?"

"No, not really. Just keep praying."

"You know we will."

"Does Her Majesty need anything? Is there something I can go get her, perhaps?"

"No. I think she just needs rest, time, and love more than anything else right now," I told Joy as we approached Mia's room in the ICU.

A moment later an alarm in Mia's room started to go off, and my blood ran cold and my heart stopped because I well remembered what that alarm meant. It was the same alarm that had gone off when Mia was in the ICU six years ago: an alarm that indicated that Mia had just gone into cardiac arrest. Instantly, there was a doctor and nurses racing down the hall to Mia's room with a crash cart. Joseph and Lionel immediately moved over into the farthest corner of the room to get out of their way, and saying nothing, the woman I hadn't been able to stand for so many years now held my hand to try to offer me comfort as the doctor got ready to shock Mia.


	7. Hard Promises

Note to readers: I just want to say THANK YOU for the reviews. I'm sorry it took me a while to get them moderated and posted, but I'm new here and I'm just learning how to do things, so I was a little slow in taking care of that. I also want to reassure you all that YES, I AM going to get around to talking about what happened to Mia when she almost died. I just have some ground I have to cover before I get there, so please be patient. :) I also want to let you know that this chapter ends in kind of a cliffhanger like the last chapter, so you have been officially warned. ;)

**Chapter Seven**

_Joseph_

As I sat with my wife in the visitors' lounge, just staring out the window at the night sky in front of us, I found myself filled with the same feelings of heartache and fear that I'd gone through six years ago, on Thursday, November 29, 2007, to be more precise. That was a date that I'd always remember no matter what, and I know Clarisse felt the same way.

"It's that night all over again, Joseph," Clarisse said in a very emotional voice. She was being strong like she always was, but I could see it that it was all she could do to keep from breaking down and crying. The only thing I could do was wrap my arm around her shoulders and hold her close.

"I know, my love," I said quietly. "I know. I'm just as worried about our girl as you are. But you know that she's come through even tougher things than this before."

"I know."

"And you know the internal defibrillator she's getting put in tomorrow will take care of it if anything like this should ever happen again." Mia's heart had first gone into a fatal arrhythmia, a form of cardiac arrest called ventricular fibrillation or v-fib, two days ago, and one of her doctors had had to shock it into beating normally again. That happened again that night and twice yesterday, and since it became obvious that her medication was no longer enough to control her arrhythmias, her doctors decided to perform surgery tomorrow to put an internal defibrillator in, which would monitor her heart and deliver a shock if it ever went into another fatal heart rhythm.

"I just so wish that _I _was the one who needed the internal defibrillator put in and not Mia. That little girl is _everything _to me, Joseph. The good Lord above, you, Mia, Pierre, the girls, you're all everything to me, and especially after I already lost Philippe, I couldn't bear to lose anyone else I loved, and certainly not Mia."

"You are _not _going to lose anyone else, Clarisse. You're not. Mia _is _going to get through this, because we're all going to be right there beside her to help her do it. No matter what, God is watching out for her. I know He is. He's helped us come this far and I know He won't abandon us now, no matter how tough things can get sometimes."

"It may take a miracle for her to be able to stay healthy enough to live a long life. She's lost so much strength, Joseph," Clarisse sighed.

"I know, but we've gotten miracles before. It's a miracle, an _incredible _miracle, that Mia even survived everything six years ago. And in a way, I think it can be said that everything she's accomplished since then is a miracle, too. And speaking of miracles, why don't you go home and spend the evening with the girls? I know how worried they must be, and I think they really need to spend a little time with Grandma right now."

"I do miss them, but you know I can't leave here. What if Mia goes into v-fib again?"

"There's nothing you can do for her right now, darling, except pray, and we've already been doing that in abundance. Mia's practically been unconscious the past couple of days, so she doesn't even know you're here. You've been living at this hospital ever since she was first admitted, and you've _got _to take a break from here for a while. And Mia won't be alone. Lionel and I will be right here with her, and you know we won't leave her side."

"I know you mean well. I know you're only trying to look out for me, _but I am not leaving. _I will _not _leave here until Mia's out of the woods, and that's _final, _Joseph," Clarisse told me sternly, and I knew that from that point on, the subject was officially closed and that nothing I could say could change her mind, so I dropped it.

"Very well then," I told Clarisse, and then we sat together in silence for a while, and I got to thinking about one of the last times in my life I'd felt this worried. It had all started one chilly day in December three ago, when Mia gave me some news that to say the least, had been pretty shocking.

* * *

It was around five-thirty in the evening just a couple of days before Christmas, and Mia was at the bridge overlooking the stream, with her red winter overcoat wrapped tightly around her for warmth. The second I saw her standing there by herself, I knew she had something heavy on her mind. Over the years, that little stone bridge where we had our first deep discussion with each other had really become her own special place to go to whenever she wanted to get off to herself to do some thinking. I'd seen it that something had been troubling Mia and Lionel for the past couple of weeks, but I wanted to wait for one of them to come tell me about it on their own, whenever _they _felt ready to. As the Royal Head of Security and husband of the former Queen of Genovia, I knew better than anyone what a rare jewel privacy actually was, and I wanted to respect theirs as much as possible. But when I saw her standing there that day, I knew it then that whatever was going on was something serious, and as her Royal Head of Security and most importantly, as her daddy, I knew I had to step in and find out what it was.

"Penny for your thoughts," I said to her, and she gave me a smile.

"What's happening, Joe?" she asked, and I noticed how she'd sidestepped my asking her what was on her mind.

"Nothing much. Just trying to be a good Royal Head of Security and find out why my Queen is standing all alone out in the cold, without her royal bodyguard by her side." Ever since we'd almost lost Mia, we tightened up on security like never before. Mia's attack was the event that actually brought me out of retirement, because what happened to her proved to me that palace security had gotten lax and careless, _dangerously _careless, and I didn't trust anyone but myself to whip everybody else back into shape again. And if there was any one thing I _never _allowed to happen, it was Mia being left alone, out of our sight for too much time. We certainly understood her need for privacy, but her safety trumped privacy every time.

"Lionel had to go to the John," she explained. "He'll be back any second now. I'm just enjoying a little bit of solitude; that's all. It's not something I get very much of in my life."

"I know my dear, but _you _know that we can never be too careful."

"I know."

"I hate to pry, but I know you're worried about something. Care to talk about it with your old man?"

"No thanks, Papa. Not just yet, anyway."

"It might help," I gently nudged her. I knew she didn't really want to talk, but in my heart, she was my daughter as well as my Queen and I knew it was in her best interests for me to know about it if something was wrong.

"I really appreciate it, but no amount of talking is going to help with this. This is just something I'm going to have to get through."

"Well you, Lionel, your grandma and I can all get through it together. There's no reason for you kids to have to carry it all by yourselves if you've got something on your minds. That's what families are for."

"Daddy, you have to trust me, here. I know what I'm talking about when I say that now is not the right time for Lionel and me to discuss it yet. I really do appreciate all your love and concern for me, but I know that it's in everyone's best interests that we keep this to ourselves for the moment, including yours and Grandma's." When Mia and I first adopted each other as father and daughter, we agreed that she'd either call me "Papa" or "Joe" and not "Dad," because "Dad" was what she'd always called her natural father, and neither of us wanted to be disrespectful to his memory. But when she was really frightened deep down inside, she would call me "Daddy," and I knew it when she called me "Daddy" a second ago that I'd been right, that whatever was going on was something very serious.

"Now you listen to me, _mija. _It is _always _in my best interests that I know what's going on with you. _Always. _You do _not _need to protect me. _I'm _the bodyguard, here; remember? Now you tell me what's wrong."

Mia let out a sigh and said, "It seems that I've always been pretty good at beating the odds. I beat the odds and won the genetic lottery by being born a royal princess. I beat the odds again when I was attacked and survived, thanks be to God. When I survived, everybody doubted that I'd make enough of a physical or psychological recovery to be able to continue as Queen of Genovia, but I beat the odds again and proved them wrong. And now as it turns out, I've gone and won the baby lottery and proven all those fertility specialists who told me that I'd never be able to conceive a child wrong as well. Even though they all said it was impossible, I'm actually nine weeks pregnant."

I took a deep breath and let out a long sigh in that moment, feeling Mia's news kicking me in the gut. If Mia's poor body hadn't been through so much hell, I would have been overjoyed at the thought of her having a baby and giving me another grandchild. But now, I shuddered to think of what a pregnancy could do to her. It scared me to death.

I'd gotten married at eighteen to a sweet girl I'd known all my life named Maria Santiago, whose parents had also emigrated to Genovia from Puerto Rico like mine had, and I'd joined the Genovian Royal Guard that year as well. And two years later, Maria got pregnant with our first child, by which time, my two-year term with the Genovian Royal Guard was up and I was honorably discharged. Soon afterwards, I went to work for Genovian Royal Security, which of course was how and when I first met Clarisse. And a few months later when it was time for the baby to come, nobody anticipated any problems whatsoever. Our doctor had assured us throughout the pregnancy that both Maria and the baby were perfectly healthy. Maria was a very strong young woman, and things couldn't have looked any better. But when she went into labor, it seemed that everything medically possible that _could_ have gone wrong _did_, and both she and our baby girl died. Maria had been twenty years-old and in _excellent _health, and _still, _I lost her and our baby. Mia's health was _far _more fragile and I knew that pregnancy and childbirth for Mia could only mean one word: _disaster._

"According to Dr. Griffin, my OB/GYN," Mia continued, "this is a pretty high-risk pregnancy because of all my health issues, and there's an increased chance that I could lose this baby. That's why Lionel and I have been so worried lately. And with everything you've been through losing your first wife and baby, and with everything Grandma's been through losing my dad, I really wanted to keep this whole thing just between Lionel and me until I was in my second trimester and the baby was a little more out of the woods. I didn't want you guys to have to suffer through worrying over losing a grandchild after you've both already lost a child."

The instant she said that, I wanted to hug Mia and kick Lionel in the groin. She couldn't carry something that heavy with no one but Lionel to help her through it! She needed _all _of us in her corner looking out for her, not just Lionel, and there was no way we could be there for her if we didn't know what was going on. How could he _possibly _agree to keep her pregnancy a secret? How could he not tell all of us about it so his wife would have plenty of people watching out for her? As both her husband and her bodyguard, it was his responsibility to look after her and to act in her best interests. She already had the welfare of an entire country resting on her shoulders; the _last _thing she needed was to have to carry such a heavy burden without all of her loved ones there to help her with it.

I put my arms around her then and embraced her for a good long while, and after the hug was over, I told her, "You don't worry about me, do you understand? If something's wrong, you come to me and tell me about it so I can be there for you. You and Lionel can't carry something like this all by yourselves. You have to let us help you with this, _mija._"

"I really don't want to say anything to anyone else until I'm further along, though."

"I know. I know you want to protect everyone like the queen you are, but when something is happening with your health, you owe it to the people who love you to let them know about it. Because we all love you so much, we have a right to know when something's going on with you."

"I know."

Because of the faith we both had in Christ, I knew Mia would break my neck if I even _thought _of asking her if she'd considered the possibility of terminating the pregnancy. I'd always believed in the sanctity of human life, _all _human life at _all _stages, and under normal circumstances, the thought of Mia having an abortion would never have crossed my mind for a single instant. But those _weren't _normal circumstances. Of course I loved and cared about my unborn grandchild because he or she was Mia's baby, but I couldn't bear the thought of anything more happening to Mia than she'd already been through. When Maria was pregnant, she made me promise her that if something went wrong during the delivery, I'd tell the doctor to save our baby over her, and even though it was the hardest thing I ever did, I respected her wishes when complications occurred and our doctor asked me which one of them I wanted him to try and save. He told me afterwards that it would have made no difference in the end which one I'd have chosen, that I still would have lost them both, but I'd never been able to get over the feeling that I betrayed Maria by what I did. And I couldn't help but feel that if I didn't choose to try to protect Mia now over her baby, I'd be making the same mistake all over again.

We talked for a little while longer, and after I convinced her to let me tell Clarisse and the rest of the staff what was going on, Lionel came back outside. Mia announced that she was going back to her office to do some paperwork for a while, which left me alone with Lionel – and gave me the opportunity to really let him have it with both barrels.

"Lionel, I want you to know that there's only one thing keeping me from punching you in the mouth right here and now, and that's your wife. I know that if I did give you a fat lip like I really wanted to, it would upset her, so I'm not doing that no matter how tempting it may be. But I want you to know that I as a father am _furious _at you for what you've done. Do you _realize_ what a pregnancy could do to your wife, not to mention going through childbirth?! What were you _thinking_ by not using protection?! _How could you not get a vasectomy before you got married?! _How could you be so _careless?! _You're not just an ordinary husband, Lionel, any more than Mia is an ordinary wife. She is the reigning Queen of Genovia and you are her husband and her royal bodyguard! It is _your _responsibility to protect her from _anything and everything _that might cause her harm! And on top of Mia being my Queen, she is also my little girl, and my treasure. _How dare you be so careless with such a treasure?!_"

"You're right," Lionel said quietly, which surprised me. After me losing my temper with Lionel and yelling at him like that, I fully expected him to get angry and yell at me in return. "I've been saying the same things to myself these past couple of weeks ever since we first found out we were expecting. One of the biggest reasons why I didn't tell anybody Mia was pregnant, other than me wanting to respect her wishes to keep it private and not upset her, was because I knew how livid you'd be. I know that it's my responsibility to protect her from _all _possible sources of harm. You're absolutely right. But you have to believe me, Joseph, when I tell you that had I honestly believed _for one second _that this could ever happen, _I would have _gotten a vasectomy before I married Mia. But when _literally _the very best fertility specialists on the entire _planet_ tell you and your fiancée how unlikely it is that she'll ever be able to get pregnant, you tend to believe them. I didn't get a vasectomy, not because I didn't want to protect Mia, but because I really did believe that she would never be able to conceive. I didn't believe that this could ever happen. And for the record, for what it's worth, I actually did see Dr. Adams about it the day after I found out Mia was pregnant, and she referred me to a urologist who gave me a vasectomy the next morning. This is never going to happen again."

After Lionel said those things, a part of me may have still wanted to stay angry at the young man, but I just couldn't. Maybe he should have been more cautious, but I could understand him thinking that a vasectomy was unnecessary after what the specialists had told him and Mia, and I knew that he really did love Mia with all his heart and that endangering her was the last thing on earth he ever wanted to do. And at least he'd shown some responsibility after the fact and gotten a vasectomy then. But it didn't change the fact that we still had a very serious situation on our hands we had to deal with.

"How do _you _feel about having this baby, Lionel?" I asked him.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Confused. I don't know. My feelings are just all over the place. I mean, on one hand, _this is our baby, _you know? And I love it so much because it's ours, and I'm so excited to see it and hold it in my arms for the first time. I keep imagining us having another little girl who looks just like Mia. On the other hand, I keep thinking about something going wrong, either during the pregnancy or in the delivery room and something happening to Mia, and I just get scared to death. We sat down together and had a very long talk about it, and I told Mia that I would understand if she wanted to have an abortion. Part of me would actually be a little relieved because then we wouldn't have to worry about anything happening to her, and after all, we already have one child to think about who needs her mother. It would be so unfair to Claire to have to grow up without a mom. It would also be so unfair to you and Clarisse to lose Mia after all the people you two have already lost in your lives. And the entire country agrees that Mia is the best ruler they've ever had, and it would certainly be unfair for the Genovian people to lose such an amazing queen."

"That's how I feel precisely," I agreed.

"But at the end of the day, Mia feels that our fears and worries are not a good enough reason for us to play God, and by us choosing to take this baby's life through an abortion, she believes that's exactly what we'd be doing. And as worried as I am about Mia going through with this pregnancy, I agree with her. It may not be a very popular belief in the modern world today, but our unborn baby is every bit as much a person as you, Mia, and I are, and it has the same rights to life as anybody else, Joe. We don't have the right to end one life for the sake of another life, not even Mia's. Only God has the right to make a choice like that. If we did, we'd be murdering our own child. Some people might like to try to say that our unborn baby is just 'fetal tissue' so they can dehumanize it and not have to admit that abortion is really the act of murdering a person, a human being, _a child_, but you know as well as I do that that mentality is nothing but a load of bull. We're not Jesus, Joe. We didn't create this planet and all of humanity, and we certainly never walked on water or died on a cross to save humanity from their sins. Only Jesus Christ did those things, and only _He _can decide when to give or take a life."

Of course I knew he was right, but I didn't want to admit it then. After I tried to convince Lionel to give it some more thought, I went and vented all my worry and frustration to Clarisse.

"Clarisse, there must be _some _way to get them to change their minds," I told her later that evening in our suite.

Clarisse shook her head and said, "I don't think so, Joseph. Not about a thing like this. You might succeed in changing Lionel's mind because he's such a concerned husband, but Mia? _Never._"

"You can't tell me that you're actually _supporting _this."

"I'm supporting _Mia, _Joseph. I'm not any happier about Mia's body going through a pregnancy than you are, and I'm just as worried about her as you are, too. I don't like this, either. But even though I've always been a bit of a feminist, as a woman, I could _never _support abortion. I know how badly it hurt you to lose your first wife and baby, and I know how it must frighten you the possibility of going through it all over again now that Mia's pregnant. But you're not a woman. You don't know what it means to carry another little life inside your own body who is depending on you for everything. _I do. _As a woman and as a mother myself, I couldn't try to persuade Mia to do anything to harm that little life she's carrying any more than I could try to persuade her to drink a bottle of poison. And if you're honestly going to try to do that, I can promise you right here and now that you'll be fighting a losing battle."

As I looked into Clarisse's eyes in that moment, _I knew _she was right. _I might _have been able to convince Mia to go through with it if I had Clarisse and Lionel on my side, but I didn't. Regardless of the kind of consequences it could've had for Mia's overall state of health, Clarisse and Lionel were both supporting her wishes to go through with the pregnancy.

And even though it scared me to death, deep down, I understood why, and I knew they were right. It was terribly difficult for me to say the least, but I did eventually come to accept and respect their wishes to have the baby, and thanks to a fair amount of coaxing from Clarisse, I even gave them my support.

Ever since Mia recovered from her attack and returned to her position as Queen, she'd hired many new staff members to help her shoulder the burden, and Lord Nicholas Devereaux had taken over a lot of her diplomatic duties for her in order to help her out as well. And when she announced it that she was expecting, everyone was more helpful to her than ever, which really allowed her to take it easy and get the kind of rest she needed. As her pregnancy progressed to the second trimester, things seemed to going surprisingly well. In addition to the respiratory therapist who lived in the palace and kept a close eye on Mia's asthma and lung problems, a midwife and an OB nurse also joined the medical professionals on the palace staff and both ladies monitored Mia's pregnancy very closely, and even though there were a lot of concerns, Mia and the baby were well taken care of.

And the morning Mia was scheduled to have her first 4-D ultrasound of the baby when she was twenty-four weeks along, even I had to admit that I was as excited about it as she and Lionel were, not to mention Clarisse. She'd already had several regular 3-D ultrasounds done to make certain the baby was alright and developing normally and everything since it was a high-risk pregnancy, but with the 4-D ultrasound, we would all be getting our very first real-life glimpse at what the baby's face actually looked like. Mia and Lionel also decided that they did indeed want to know the baby's gender so they could start picking names and know how best to decorate the new royal nursery and that sort of thing. Dr. Griffin had tried to determine the baby's gender in a couple of previous 3-D ultrasounds, but the baby had always been in the wrong position before.

It was about eight-thirty that morning, and we'd been up about an hour or so and had just finished breakfast when Mia came bouncing in, her face all lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Hey you guys, it's here! They just brought in the 4-D ultrasound machine a few minutes ago!" Mia said aloud, and Clarisse and I both laughed at her young enthusiasm. There was actually an ultrasound machine in Dr. Adams's office along with other hospital equipment, and whenever Mia's obstetrician, Dr. Griffin, performed prenatal exams on Mia and the baby, she'd always come to the palace to do it in Dr. Adams's office. And like most parents-to-be, she and Lionel wanted to have a 4-D ultrasound done at some point in the pregnancy so they could get a clear look at their baby's face, so the 4-D ultrasound machine had been brought into Dr. Adams's office that morning.

"That's wonderful, darling," Clarisse said to her. "I've been looking forward to today for quite a while now, and I can certainly imagine how much you and Lionel have been looking forward to this, too."

"Have we ever! Now if Dr. Griffin would just get here, then we could get started."

"Patience, little one. Patience. She'll get here," Clarisse said, and Mia jokingly rolled her eyes at her.

"Oh _please, _Grandma! You know you are the _least _patient person to ever walk this planet! You're just as impatient for Dr. Griffin to get here as I am! Admit it."

"I am not impatient, young lady. I am merely eager. There's a difference," said Clarisse, and this time _I _was the one who rolled my eyes.

"Eager! Yeah, right!" I teased.

"Oh hush, Joseph!" Clarisse teased me back with a playful swat at my arm, and I laughed.

In that next moment, Mia held her stomach and let out a sigh, and then she laughed.

"Calisthenics again?" I asked. We always joked about how punctual the baby was with its calisthenics. It seemed that every single morning between eight and nine o'clock, the baby would kick up a storm and turn cartwheel after cartwheel for a good while, and the baby would do it again at noon and at sometime between two and four in the afternoon, and just before Mia and Lionel went to bed for the night. Mia had been feeling the baby move and kick regularly like that for the past two weeks.

"What else?" Mia joked, and then she said, "Give me your hands, you guys."

Clarisse and I walked up to her then and gave her our hands and she placed them on her stomach, and as we both felt the baby kicking and moving, we had another laugh.

"Clarisse, I do believe you and I are going to have ourselves another very lively grandchild."

"Indeed! This little one just might surpass Claire on the liveliness scale!"

"I rather doubt that, Grandma. This baby might be _tied _with Claire on the liveliness scale, but I don't think _any _child could ever surpass her!"

"Probably not," I agreed. The Crown Princess of Genovia was definitely the most active, energetic little toddler I'd ever seen, a far cry from the painful start to life she'd had over a year ago.

In that next moment, Lionel came in and said, "Hey guys, she's here."

"_Yes!_" said Mia, and then she and Lionel rushed out the door.

"Hey, be careful going down the stairs, you two!" Clarisse called after them. Since Mia was rather clumsy, she and all the rest of us worried that she might trip and fall whenever she had to go down any stairs.

"Yes, ma'am!" they called back, and Clarisse and I smiled at each other once again. Despite all the hell she'd survived, Mia was still so young and happy and full of life, as was Lionel, and we were so happy for them that they were able to enjoy their life together and build a family, and do all the things Clarisse and I hadn't been able to do when we were that age.

"Well my dear, are you ready to go see the latest picture of our newest grandchild?" I asked Clarisse as I held out my arm to her, already knowing the answer.

She smiled and replied, "_Very _ready, love. _Very, very ready,_" and then she took my arm and walked downstairs with me to Dr. Adams's office.

And for a grandpa, that doctor's visit with Mia was a delight beyond words. As Mia laid back on the exam table with her blouse pulled up exposing her pregnant stomach, Dr. Griffin performed the 4-D ultrasound and we got our first _really _good look at the baby. Lionel held one of Mia's hands and Clarisse held the other, and we all watched together in amazement and joy as the baby came to life on the screen.

"Can you tell what the baby is this time?" Mia asked.

"_Yes, _I actually _can _tell you what you're having now. Do you guys still want to know?" asked Dr. Griffin. Dr. Griffin was a lovely tall, light-skinned black lady with short black hair and dark eyes, and her warm, friendly personality was as lovely as her physical appearance.

"Yes, we do," Mia replied.

"Hold on a second, doctor. Before you tell us, I just want to take a minute to get on my soapbox on behalf of all little girls everywhere. All through this entire pregnancy, people have been saying that I'm probably hoping for a boy since I already have a girl. Whenever people in this world find out their baby's gender, so many of them act like it's a bad thing if it's not a boy, especially if the couple already has a daughter. People seem to think it's such a bad thing if a man never has a son, and I just want to say on behalf of girls and women everywhere how _sick _I am of that attitude! It's always okay if a woman only has sons and no daughters, but people always act like there's something wrong with it if a man only has daughters and no sons, and that is _so _disrespectful to girls and women, and I _hate _that attitude. I adore my beautiful little girl, and if we find out we're having another beautiful little girl I will be thrilled to death, and if _anybody _asks me if I'm disappointed we're not having a boy, I'm punching them out on behalf of girls everywhere!"

"Preach it, son!" Dr. Griffin teased while the rest of us laughed. "I see a lot of that attitude in my line of work and I'm sick to death of it, too!"

"Hear, hear!" Clarisse agreed, and although I didn't say anything, I nodded my agreement. Shortly after Mia and Lionel first adopted Claire, they had a special ball thrown in her honor to celebrate it and at the end of the festivities that night, they had fireworks. On top of Clarisse and me having the time of our lives that night, I felt it was a very fitting way to welcome a princess into the world. For hundreds of years throughout human history, people stupidly and disrespectfully mourned the birth of a princess while celebrating the birth of a prince, and I was so happy to be a part of an event that treated the birth of a princess with both happiness and respect. And if we were to find out we were having another princess, I would gladly shoot off the first fireworks at the end of the next ball.

"Now that that's off my chest, I'm ready to find out what we're having. What _are _we having, Dr. Griffin?" asked Lionel.

"I think this news will make you very happy, Your Grace. Your Majesty, you and your husband _are _having another little girl."

"_Yes!_" Lionel said, and then he bent down and gave Mia a big kiss, and I gave Clarisse a kiss as well. Then I shook Lionel's hand and gave Mia a big hug after Clarisse was done hugging her.

"I love you, Lionel," Mia said with a big smile.

"I love you too, baby," he told her softly. "Oh, just look at her. Mia, she looks just like your baby pictures, honey."

"You're right; she does," I agreed. The similarities between our new little princess and her mother were obvious.

"She has your nose and your profile," Lionel said. "Oh, she's _beautiful!_"

"I just hope she doesn't inherit my frizzy hair or my clumsiness."

"I hope she does!" Lionel teased, and Mia playfully slapped his arm.

"That's mean, Lionel!" she told him.

"Sorry, sweetie," Lionel said then as he patted Mia's stomach. "Daddy didn't mean to be mean. Daddy was just joking; that's all."

A couple of moments later, Dr. Griffin said, "Look at that, everyone!" and we all turned our attention to the screen again.

"She's sucking her toes!" I observed with a laugh, and then Clarisse, Mia, and Lionel enjoyed a big laugh as well.

"_Aw! _That is so precious!" Clarisse said. "Oh Mia, darling, our little one is perfect, _absolutely perfect, _regardless of whether or not she inherits your frizzy hair or your clumsiness. And I want you to remember that, okay?"

Mia looked up at Clarisse in that moment, smiled, squeezed her hand and said, "Thank you," and Clarisse responded by kissing her hand.

After the appointment with Dr. Griffin was over a little while later, naturally, the next thing on everyone's minds was the question of what Mia and Lionel were going to name the newest Princess of Genovia, and they were actually able to make up their minds about it fairly quickly. Just two days after the big 4-D ultrasound, Mia and Lionel had come to see us in our suite to talk to us about what they wanted to name the baby.

"We're actually pretty sure that we've got it figured out what we want to name her," Mia told us, "but we wanted to talk to you guys first before we made any final decisions."

"I can't wait to find out what you're thinking of naming her," said Clarisse as we all sat down on the couch together.

"Well we decided that we wanted to do with this baby what we did with Claire in only giving her three names instead of four," Lionel explained. Mia and Lionel had felt that four names was too excessive, so they'd decided to just stick with three when they named Claire.

"Right," said Clarisse.

"And we want her second name to be Philippa after Dad, and her third name to be Anne after Lionel's Aunt Sheila, which is her middle name. And with your permission, Papa, we'd like very much for her first name to be Rose." Rose was Maria's middle name, and it was the name I'd given to our baby.

"But if it's too painful for you, we understand," said Lionel.

"Absolutely," Mia agreed. "And if you don't want us to do it–"

"I love it," I interrupted. To say that I was incredibly touched was a huge understatement. "And I'm honored. And Maria would be, too. Thank you, _mija_," I said as I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

"Her Royal Highness Rose Philippa Anne Motaz-Renaldi, Princess of Genovia," said Clarisse, trying the name on for size. "I love it!"

"I want us to call her Rosie," Mia told us.

"Rosie it is, then," Clarisse announced. "Oh Mia, it's beautiful," she said then as she gave her a big hug, and a moment later, she put her hand on Mia's stomach, and Mia put her hand on top of Clarisse's hand, and we all smiled.

After we talked for a few more minutes, Mia and Lionel had to leave because Mia had to get ready for a meeting with a few Parliament members. The rest of that day really flew by and later that night, I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs to the kitchen for a little midnight snack. When I got there, I actually found Mia there as well, helping herself to a bowl of ice cream.

"Can you imagine what Rosie's calisthenics are going to be like tomorrow if you eat that?" I teased her as I sat down at the counter beside her.

"I know; I know," she sighed. "But I can't resist the temptation."

I laughed at that, and then I asked her, "Can't sleep?"

"Not really. Are you having trouble sleeping, too?"

"Yes, I am having a little insomnia as a matter of fact. Is Rosie keeping you up?"

"Oh, no. She's actually pretty quiet right now...for once!"

I laughed again, and I asked, "So is it just regular insomnia that's keeping you awake or have you got something on your mind?"

"Well I guess it's just that it's all starting to hit me in a way, you know? Really seeing Rosie's little face on that screen like that, naming her…it's all becoming so real now. _I'm having a baby!_ I mean, I'm already a mother through adoption, of course, but I've never become a mother the natural way before. All through this pregnancy, I've been determined to hold onto my faith and think positively, but I think seeing Rosie's face in detail on that ultrasound has really made me wake up to the fact that this whole thing is _real _now. I'm _really _in the middle of a high-risk pregnancy, here. And even though I literally have some of the best doctors in the world looking after Rosie and me, and even though I'm taking care of myself and trying to do everything right – except for the ice cream –" she joked and I laughed, "things could still go wrong for us in the delivery room. Nobody knows that fact better than you do."

"Hey, _hey,_" I whispered as I hugged her. "That is _not _going to happen, _mija. _Not this time. You and Rosie are going to be perfectly alright. Do you hear me?"

"I know. But just in case things don't go according to plan, I made Lionel promise me that if it came down to it and a choice had to be made and I couldn't tell Dr. Griffin myself, he would tell her to save the baby over me."

I took Mia's hand in that moment and said to her, "I don't want you thinking like that."

"Well I don't particularly like having these kinds of thoughts and discussions either, Papa, but you know as much as I do that sometimes in life, things don't go according to plan. Now I am planning on having a happy, healthy baby girl naturally, without anything going wrong, but I also know that that might not happen."

_Much _to my dismay, Mia had decided earlier in the pregnancy that she wanted to at least attempt to have a natural childbirth and not get an epidural. Fortunately, the medication she had been taking for her heart and lungs hadn't been harmful to the baby, and Dr. Griffin and Dr. Adams had actually told her that it could be harmful to Rosie if she _stopped _taking her medications because she needed to keep her heart and lungs as healthy as possible, but it still worried her and she wanted to get by with as little medication as possible during her pregnancy and delivery. It had been the source of _countless _arguments between us over the past few months as I tried to tell her time and again that epidurals were perfectly safe and that millions of women had had them without any problems for them or their babies, but Mia was stubborn and dug her heels in about it. She was even getting a Lamaze teacher to start coming to the palace to give her, Lionel, and Clarisse a Lamaze class every week when she reached seven months. After having a pretty bad experience with the drugs they gave her when she was in labor with Pierre, Clarisse actually gave birth to Mia's father without any medication, so she understood her reluctance to have an epidural and was supportive of her opting for a natural birth. She even asked Mia if she could be an assistant coach to Lionel during the birth, which of course Mia agreed to, so she was planning on attending Lamaze classes as well. But while I would support my little girl in just about _anything _on earth she wanted to do, because I loved her as much as I did, I could _never _have gotten behind her in having a natural birth. Perhaps I could have if she didn't have the problems with her heart and lungs that she did, but the thought of all the stress the pain of labor and delivery would put on her heart and lungs really worried me to death. Of course she was going to be under medical supervision the entire time and her doctors would intervene with whatever medication and procedures Mia needed if it came down to that, but it still worried me too much for me to be able to get on board with it like Clarisse and Lionel were.

"And if things don't go according to plan," Mia continued, "I know I have to have discussions like these with the people I love so that I can be prepared for it; so that we _all _can be prepared and know what to do."

"I know, sweetheart," I said softly as I put my arm around her shoulders. "I know, and you're right. It _is _smart to be prepared. I just hate to see you thinking that way, and I don't want you to worry because you and Rosie have _so _many people who love you and are going to look out for you."

"I know that. Rosie and I are very blessed to have such an awesome family as you guys. And because Lionel and Grandma are my coaches, I've already had this discussion with both of them. It was hard, especially for Grandma, but they both promised me that in the end, if it came down to it and a choice had to be made, they would choose Rosie over me. But the thing is, _I know them. _I know how much I mean to them, and I know how much they always worry about my health. Keeping me from stress is always very important to them, and I know that at the end of the day, they probably would make me a promise like that and not be sincere about it just to make me feel better and keep me from worrying, especially Grandma."

I tensed up inside after she said that because I knew what was coming. I knew what she was about to ask me to do, and it just tore me up thinking about it.

Mia took a deep breath then and looked me in the eyes and said, "Daddy, I know this is the hardest thing I could ever ask of you, but you're a parent yourself, so you know why I have to do it. As not just my Royal Head of Security but as my father, I know how you feel you have to do everything within your power to look out for me and protect me. And because I'm a mother, you know I have to do that for my baby. You know what it means to be a parent. So even though it's extremely hard and painful for you, as Rosie's mommy, I have to ask you to do the same thing for me that you did for Maria all those years ago. As hard as it was for you, you had the strength, the integrity, and the guts to honor your first wife's wishes and tell her doctor to try and save your baby over her. And if things go wrong for me in the delivery room and Lionel and Grandma try to go back on their word and I'm unconscious for some reason and can't say anything, I need _you _to be my voice for me. I need to know that in a situation like that, you'll step up to the plate and remind them of their promise to me and not let them break it."

My heart just completely broke. _Yes, _of course I understood why she needed to ask that of me. I understood that as a mama, she had to make sure her baby would always be taken care of no matter what. _But she was my baby. _I may not have known her until she was sixteen, but she was my little girl, _my child, _and I couldn't bear the thought of _not _choosing her in a situation like that. She was dearer to me than I could describe in words.

In that next moment, Mia took my hand and put it on her stomach and said, "Come on, Joey. You know we can't let anything happen to this awesome toe-sucking, cartwheel-turning, calisthenics-doing, amazingly punctual little baby." I knew her calling me "Joey" like that was her attempt to lighten the mood. When we first met, I told her she could call me "Joe" instead of the more formal "Joseph," and then she teased me and called me "Joey." It was an old joke between us.

"No, we can't," I said quietly, and I meant it, feeling more torn than ever. I realized it then that Rosie meant just as much to me as Mia did. "Nor can we let anything happen to her equally awesome mother," I told her. I _desperately _wanted to get out of making the promise to Mia that I knew she wanted me to make.

"I mean it, Daddy. If things go wrong while I'm in labor and a choice has to be made, Rosie lives. Not me. Do we have a deal?"

It was the last promise on earth I ever wanted to make, but as my little girl was sitting next to me, holding my hand to her pregnant stomach and imploring me with her eyes, I knew that for _her _sake, I had to do it. As a daughter, she _really _needed this from me, and I had to do it no matter how hard it was.

"We have a deal, _mija_," I whispered while fighting off tears. But then I cupped her face in my hands and told her, "But I want you to listen to me, and I want you to believe what I'm about to say with all your heart." She nodded, and then I said, "_There is not going to be a need for that deal. _Do you hear me?"

Mia smiled and nodded again and said, "I hear you, Papa. But thank you. Thank you so much, because I know that was terribly hard for you."

"It was, but I understand why you needed to ask that of me. It's all part of being a mama, and you are such a good one."

"Thank you," she said, and then we hugged one last time, and after I got a little snack of my own from the fridge and ate with Mia, we went back to bed.

* * *

"Penny for your thoughts," Clarisse said to me a little while later when we were both sitting in Mia's ICU room together. Lionel had gone to one of the guest rooms they had for visitors to catch up on a little sleep like we had done earlier.

"I just got to thinking about times in my life when I've had to make some hard promises, first to Maria, then to Mia," I said quietly. She and I were both talking in whispers so we wouldn't wake Mia.

"I know what you mean. Mia came to me when she was pregnant with Rosie and asked me to make a hard promise, too."

"Yeah," I said, and then Clarisse softly laughed.

"Hey, you remember that 4-D ultrasound?"

"Where Rosie was sucking her toes? Who could forget?"

"I'll never forget all Mia went through with that pregnancy," Clarisse said in a sad sigh. "I'll never forget it when she started having problems."

I hated thinking about that, but as I saw Mia lying in that hospital bed, I couldn't help but be reminded of it. And as I remembered it all, I prayed with all my heart that Mia wouldn't have any problems with her surgery tomorrow like she'd had in the later part of her pregnancy.


	8. Support

Note to readers: As I explained in the beginning of this story, there are some very disturbing scenes of violence in _Quiet Strength_, and Ch. 8 contains one of them. Survivors of abuse may be triggered by the events of this chapter. **PLEASE** proceed with caution.

**Chapter Eight**

_Mia_

I had been pretty out of it for a while after I was first admitted into the ICU, but I was awake and alert the morning they took me to surgery to have my internal defibrillator put in. When I first really started coming around again in the wee hours of the morning, Lionel, Grandma, and Joe were all there in my room with me, and they were so kind and loving, and they let me know how much they'd missed me, which really meant everything to me. But even before they explained it all to me about everything that had happened while I'd only been semi-conscious, I already knew. I'd only seen those kind of looks on their faces one time before in my life, and that was the last time I'd gone into cardiac arrest six years ago. And when I really woke up again and took a good look at them, I knew that it had happened again. For the rest of the morning, I tried my best to act all brave, confident, and strong for their sakes, and I also tried my best to act like getting the internal defibrillator put in was no big deal, but I was pretty concerned. I had a husband, parents in Grandma and Joe, and my girls to think about, not to mention an entire country that was depending on me. I _had _to get through this.

At eight o'clock, a couple of orderlies came in and I put on a brave smile and asked them, "Is it show-time, guys?"

"It's show-time, Your Majesty," one of the guys answered.

"Let's do it, then," I said with as much confidence as I could show.

"Ma'am, yes ma'am," the other orderly said with a salute, and then they unplugged my I.V. and disconnected me from the heart monitor and started pushing my gurney out of the room and down the hall to the nearest elevator. Lionel, Grandma, and Joe all walked with me as far as they were allowed to go, which was practically right up to the doors of the operating room. Joe, Lionel, and Shades had had everything secured well ahead of time, naturally, so there weren't any concerns there. The only concern going on was what I saw in everyone's eyes. Sure, they were giving me brave smiles and trying to be positive, but I could see it that they were really worried. I so wished that I could ease their fears, but I was just as scared as they were. Thanks be to God Almighty, I had a good relationship with Christ, so I knew where I stood when it came to my eternity, but even though as a Christian I knew I was supposed to have faith and not worry, I couldn't help but feel at least _some _fear. If something happened to me, the people I loved the most were really going to suffer.

"This is as far as you can go now, Your Majesty, Your Grace," one of the orderlies said to Grandma and Lionel.

"Okay, I guess this is it," Joe sighed.

Lionel reached down and gave me a long kiss, and then Grandma and Joe hugged me.

"It's going to be alright, baby," said Lionel.

"I know," I told him with a brave smile.

"Well of course it's going to be alright, Lionel. Let's not waste everybody's time by saying what we already know to be true," said Grandma with a big brave smile of her own.

"We're all going to be in there with you, _mija_," Joe said in a whisper. And then he pointed to his chest and said, "In here."

"Thank you," I said to Joe with yet another confident smile.

"We'll see you again very soon, little love," Grandma said softly as she held the side of my face and lovingly looked into my eyes for a long moment. I could see it in her eyes just how much she loved me and how much I really meant to her.

"I know, Grandma. I'll be alright. You don't have to worry."

"I know," she said as she gave my hand a squeeze. "And Joe's right, my little one. We're _all _going to be right in there with you."

"I know you will be," I assured her, and then I decided to try and lighten things as much as possible. "Did I ever tell you guys the story about the queen who had the most wonderful family in the entire world?"

It was an attempt to cheer them up, but what I said only ended up making them _more _emotional than they already were because after I said what I did, I could tell that behind their big smiles they were fighting off tears, and none more so than Grandma.

In that moment, Grandma took my hand again and asked in an emotional whisper, "Did I ever tell you the story about the grandma whose granddaughter's presence was sweeter to her than the sweetest melody?"

As Grandma stared into my eyes in that moment, just _pouring _her love into me through her gaze, I looked back in pure amazement as I realized how far our relationship had really come. When I first met this lady, this regal, strong, tough, proud, graceful, poised, _perfect _queen, I'd felt that I could never _hope _to measure up to her standards, to what she wanted and expected from me. I'd honestly felt that she was so much more important than I was and just plain _better _than I was, period, in every way. I never could have imagined her actually loving me, much less having any respect for me. And I was so intimidated by her for so long, I never could have imagined me seeing her as a mother, either. I never could have imagined seeing her as someone I could run to when I was scared or hurting. Now, this woman I was once so intimidated by, who I was sure I could never live up to, was the same woman I couldn't imagine living without. Now, she was so much more than my grandmother and my Queen. Along with Lilly, she was in fact my very best friend, my biggest fan, and in so many ways, my mother. She was someone who'd seen me at my worst as well as at my best, who now knew nearly every secret I'd ever had since I was born, and whom I now knew loved and respected me with all her heart. She was someone I now completely trusted.

I gave Grandma's hand another squeeze and said, "Yes, Grandma. I know that story very, _very _well."

Grandma gave me one last big hug, and then they started pushing my gurney back to the operating room. As the orderlies took me back, I couldn't help but remember another time in my life they'd all been so loving and so incredibly helpful when I was going through something difficult.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, it was dark and I knew it was in the middle of the night. As my vision adjusted, I could tell from what all I could see in the darkness that I remembered this room. And as I began to realize where I was, I remembered what had happened to me the last time I was here. Ordinarily, this was just a bedroom, one of many in the Pyrus Women's Shelter, a refuge for battered and abused women and children. It was a place where I'd done volunteer work in secret for quite a while without the public or anyone in the palace knowing about it. It was a place I'd come to know very well, and it had practically become a second home to me. But on November 29, 2007, this simple bedroom was turned into a torture chamber. It was just a simple, ordinary room with eggshell white walls, bunk beds, a desk and chair, a small closet, and an adjacent small bathroom, but now, just the mere thought of it filled me with terror.

I sat up in the bottom bunk in that moment and cried out in a whisper, "Oh, God! What am I doing here again?!"

It was in that next instant that it all came back to me: when I'd gone to sleep the night before, I'd been seven months pregnant with my second daughter, whom my husband and I had named Rosie. But when I put my hand on my stomach now, it was perfectly flat. In that moment, my blood ran cold, I felt sick, and my heart started racing when I realized what they'd done. _They'd taken Rosie! _I was back in the same room I'd been in over three years ago, and somehow, my torturers had taken Rosie from me, and only God knew what they were going to do to her!

Then I heard the faintest cry of a baby, and my biggest fears were immediately realized: the water in the tub was turned on.

"_Rosie!_" I screamed, and then I got up from the bed and ran into the bathroom as fast as my wobbly legs would take me. I'd been beaten like what happened in my dreams countless times before, and my abdomen was sore and bleeding from where they'd cut Rosie out of me, but I still managed to find the strength to get up and run.

And when I got into the bathroom, there he sat on the edge of the bathtub, holding my tiny, helpless, premature little baby girl who was struggling to cry for the first time. Then all my other attackers suddenly appeared behind me and started holding me back while I struggled against them and screamed my lungs out.

"_Leave my baby alone!_" I hollered. "_Don't touch her! Give her to me!_ _I'll kill you if you hurt her! Do you hear me?! I'll kill you! I'll you all!_"

They all laughed, and then the man holding Rosie, an obvious bodybuilder, said, "I'd like to see you try! You may be a queen out there, but in here, you're just one weak little woman. You don't stand a chance against any of us. And we're about to take your baby away from you, just like you took our children away from us."

_I screamed. _I scratched, and I clawed, and I kicked, and I hit, and I fought with all my might, with every last ounce of strength that I could possibly muster, but no matter how deeply I loved Rosie and no matter how badly I wanted to get to her and protect her, I simply couldn't. They were just too powerful for me to physically overtake. They brought a chair into the bathroom then and tied me down to it, and while I fought and struggled to break free from the cords they used to tie me down, I was forced to watch as the man holding Rosie slapped her. I _died _inside as she gave a desperate little cry for help that I couldn't respond to. The other men laughed then as the tub finished filling with water, and he began lowering Rosie into it.

Once again I sat up in bed, screaming my lungs out and crying, only this time I was in my suite with Lionel, thank God.

"Baby? Baby, what is it? What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" Lionel asked as he held me, but I was too badly seized by terror to respond. All I could do was helplessly cry and scream in his arms as he tried to rock and comfort me and sooth me enough to calm me down. And as Lionel was rocking me, I reached down and felt my stomach, and _mercifully_, Rosie was right there where she'd been the night before. It had only been a nightmare and not reality. Rosie was still perfectly safe, and she'd never left my womb.

Then in that next moment, it began to dawn on Lionel what had probably just happened, and he held my face and looked me in the eyes and said to me, "Oh, God! Baby, did you have the dream again?" The nightmare I'd just had about Rosie was the same one I'd had many times before shortly after we first adopted Claire. I hadn't dreamt that they'd cut her out of my womb, of course, but I'd dreamt that they'd hit Claire and threatened to drown her in that bathtub, just like they did with Rosie.

Again, I couldn't make myself stop crying or screaming to answer him, so I simply nodded, and he whispered, "Oh, baby," and held me close. "Baby, it's alright. It's alright. I'm never, _ever _going to let anything happen to you or our girls. _Never. _Nobody's _ever _going to touch you again, and no one is _ever _going to lay a finger on Claire or Rosie. I promise, baby. _I promise._"

"What's going on in here? What's the matter?" I heard Grandma's voice ask them as I continued clinging to Lionel for dear life. Both she and Joe had heard my crying and screaming and had come into our suite to find out what was wrong.

"She had the dream again, only this time with Rosie," Lionel explained.

In that moment, I felt my airway start to close up on me, and I started coughing and choking and gasping for air. Grandma immediately reached for my inhaler on my nightstand and gave it to me.

"Here, darling. Use your inhaler," she told me, and I did, and thankfully, my airway started to open up again. "Oh, little one," she said as I turned from Lionel's arms to hers. She'd sat down on my side of the bed with me while Joe had remained standing nearby. As Joe talked with Lionel about getting Beth and Debbie to come into my suite to help me through the medical side of my ordeal, I continued to really just let myself go in Grandma's arms the way we both knew I needed to. Beth Johnson was the midwife who'd come to work at the palace to keep an eye on Rosie and me during my pregnancy, and Debbie Lewis was the OB nurse who'd also joined our staff to take care of us.

"Oh…Mommy…they…cut her…they cut her out of me…too soon," I managed to tell her in between all my sobs. My mom died suddenly about a year before I was attacked, and while Grandma did love me and try in her own way to be there for me after it happened, it wasn't until I spent all that time in the hospital that she really became a mother to me on top of being my grandmother and my Queen. And it was then, in all the times I was the most frightened and hurting in the hospital, that I broke down and called her "Mommy," and she not only allowed it; she _insisted _on it. And it was something I continued to do when I felt I needed to.

"Oh, my little dear," Grandma said in a deep, emotional voice as she rocked me.

"She…she was premature," I sobbed. "It…it was hard…it was hard for her to breathe because she…because she was so tiny."

"Oh baby, it's alright. It's alright," Grandma said as she fought off tears of her own, and as she continued to rock me, she began to use her gift with me. She came into my mind and I showed her my dream, and as she'd done before on previous occasions, she helped me block all those disturbing images of a premature Rosie getting hurt out of my mind. She showed me once again just how much she loved me and how much I meant to her, and she showed me how much she loved Rosie and Claire and how she would always be there to help me protect my girls. "No one is ever, _ever _going to put you through that again, little one. Do you hear me? No one is _ever _going to hurt you like that again."

"I don't care about me. I only care about my babies," I said as I was still crying. Grandma had calmed me down enough to help me stop my loud, uncontrollable sobbing, but I still needed to cry for a while and thankfully, she understood that.

When I'd been in the hospital before and I'd been in so much pain that I really needed to just cry it out, I'd remembered that fight we had after the royal garden party where she'd gotten so angry at me for "losing it," to use my expression. I remembered what she'd told me, that when you were royal, you weren't allowed to "lose it," that royals were supposed to be the people who _found it. _I knew what Grandma had been trying to tell me, of course, and that was that because the entire country looked up to our family, we had to constantly be careful about the way we acted and that our behavior was supposed to set an example for others. But I'd already known that, and I _had _been trying to live up to everybody's expectations of me, but because I'd actually enjoyed a fair amount of privacy in college, I hadn't been used to the way everybody in the palace and everybody in the country watched every tiny little thing I ever did, and I'd made some mistakes. And while I'd known she meant well, her whole angry rant at me had kind of made me feel like that she was telling me that I couldn't be human, that I had to be some kind of perfect little robot instead, and I knew I could never do that completely. But I did make up my mind that I would try my best to make sure Grandma never saw me "lose it" like that ever again. I did make further mistakes and Grandma _did _see me "lose it" another couple of times, either by making a mistake or by crying, but in those first couple of years as Queen of Genovia, I learned and grew up a great deal and I became much better at "not losing it" in front of Grandma or others. But when I'd been in the hospital, the pain had been so intense that there had been times where I _really _needed to have a good long cry, and I'd tried to get her to leave so she wouldn't see me "losing it." When I'd told her that I didn't want her to see me "lose it" in front of her, she'd been heartbroken, and we immediately came to an understanding between us that from that point on, I could _always _go to her and cry whenever I felt I needed to.

"Oh my love, we are _always _going to protect our baby girls. _Always. _You are _never _going to suffer like that again, and no one here is _ever _going to let anyone hurt Rosie or Claire. I promise you that, baby. That is _never _going to happen. Oh, I love you so much, baby. _We all _love you and Claire and Rosie _so much. _You and your girls have an entire _army _to protect you, honey," she told me as she put one of her hands on my stomach, and then I put my hand on my stomach too, and we just sat together on the bed for a good while in each other's embrace, with both of us "holding" Rosie, so to speak, and that did help me to calm down a little more. Our minds were still connected, and she calmed me by helping me see a _full-term _newborn Rosie in my mind, safe, warm, secure, and happily sleeping in my arms, with me being in hers. "She's alright, my love," she whispered in my ear as we continued to rock. "Rosie's alright. She's all safe and warm, right here between us." I started trying to calm myself some more by taking a few slow deep breaths then, and Grandma was right there encouraging me. "Yes, sweetheart, that's it. That's it. Just breathe. Just relax. Just breathe nice and slow. We're all right here with you. Everything's going to be alright."

But just as I started _really _feeling calmer, my stomach turned upside down and I knew I was going to get sick, so as quickly as I could at seven months pregnant, I got up out of Grandma's arms and rushed to the bathroom, and then I knelt in front of the toilet and vomited. Naturally Grandma and Lionel followed me and knelt down in the bathroom floor with me, and while Lionel held me, Grandma got a wet washcloth and cooled my face for me. I hadn't noticed at the time, but my midwife and my OB nurse had come into my suite at some point, and soon after I vomited, they helped me back to my bed along with Lionel and Grandma, and they started examining Rosie and me.

"Our Princess's heartbeat is stable," my midwife Beth announced. Beth was a tall, strikingly beautiful brunette with brown eyes, and my OB nurse Debbie was a much shorter blonde with blue eyes, and she was lovely too, and they were both as beautiful on the inside as they were on the outside.

"But your blood pressure is very high, Your Majesty," Debbie warned.

"Alright then, after I meet with Sebastian about the new legislation we're proposing to Parliament for the new Lizzie Alert system in Genovia, I'll come back in here and take it easy for the rest of the day," I said.

While most other monarchies of the world had shifted the main power of their governments from their king or queen to their prime minister and parliament, Genovia progressed far more slowly towards such changes, and in fact only established a parliament and the office of prime minister in the 1950s when my Grandfather Rupert's father was still on the throne. And today, while a Genovian ruler did share some political power with Genovia's Parliament and prime minister, a Genovian ruler still actually did some _ruling. _Unlike in many other nations, a Genovian king or queen still remained head of government as well as being considered head of state, and in fact was very similar to the U.S. president. A bill could not become law in Genovia without the signature of its king or queen, or royal assent, and a Genovian king or queen also had the power of the veto. The Genovian prime minister's main job was to propose bills to be debated in Parliament, but that person didn't have the ability to sign bills into law and wasn't considered head of government like with other prime ministers in other countries. And when I returned from work after my extended hospital stay, because there was no way that I could physically do all the things I did before, it was decided that Nicholas and I would split my workload and that he would take over all my duties as head of state and represent Genovia all over the world and handle all my traveling for me while I would focus on working with Sebastian in deciding which bills to propose to Parliament for debate, coming up with new bills we thought were needed, etc. And the latest bill we were working on together was for legislation to set up a system in Genovia similar to the Amber Alert system in America. It was our goal to be able to send out alerts and notifications of missing children all over the country to help find them, and we were hoping to name it the Lizzie Alert after a little girl who'd gone missing in Libbet last year named Lizzie Thompson who'd never been found.

"I wouldn't recommend that, Your Majesty," Beth said cautiously.

"Neither would I," Debbie agreed. "Not with your blood pressure being this high. I think it's really important that you take things as easy as possible today. We really _have _to get your blood pressure down."

"I know, and I promise you that at soon as I possibly can, I will come in here and lie down and relax for the rest of the day, but this meeting with Sebastian is _so _important. This bill we're putting together to put before Parliament is for the new Lizzie Alert system that is going to be similar to the Amber Alert system in America. And the sooner we can get this bill passed and get it implemented, the sooner we can start rescuing missing children in Genovia. Children's _lives _are counting on this." After having that nightmare about Rosie, I was more determined than ever to get what we'd nicknamed the Lizzie Bill before Parliament and passed as soon as possible.

"Little one, _you _have a child to think about, too," Grandma said softly, and of course I knew she was right, but I knew _I _was right too. I did _not _want to waste any time, here.

"If I may make a suggestion?" said Joe.

"Of course," I told him.

"Why don't you have your breakfast brought here and eat, so you can get your strength up, and then instead of you meeting Sebastian in one of the conference rooms, why don't you have him come here so you can discuss everything you need to about the Lizzie Bill from the comfort of your suite?"

"Oh, I think that's a terrific idea, Joseph," said Grandma. "You and Sebastian can talk about everything you need to discuss, and you can do it while still lying down and getting some rest."

"Guys, that's pretty crazy, don't you think? Having a meeting with the prime minister while you're lying in _bed?_"

"Nonsense!" Grandma differed. "You are the reigning Queen of Genovia and you can hold political meetings anywhere you please!"

When Lionel, Joe, Beth, and Debbie all echoed their agreement, I knew then I had no choice but to agree to it because they'd have _never _let me hear the end of it if I didn't. So after I fought to get a little breakfast down, I met with Sebastian in my suite, and he was _more _than understanding about it. After we hashed out a lot of the issues and concerns we both had about it for the next few hours, Charlotte had Brigitte and Brigitta bring him, Lionel, and me some lunch, which I thankfully managed to keep down, and during our lunch break, Beth and Debbie came back to check my blood pressure. It had come down some, but it was still high and they were still concerned, as were Lionel and I. They told us that they'd come back to check it again in another hour and that if it wasn't doing any better by then, they were going to get Dr. Griffin to come out to the palace and examine me herself to decide what she wanted to do, and I knew what that meant: more medication, which I _really _wanted to avoid. And after they left, Seb and I got back to discussing the Lizzie Bill for another half hour or so.

And it was then that I got the first contraction. Right as Seb was in the middle of a sentence, the worst cramp started working its way down through my stomach and lower back. Lionel, who'd been watching me like a hawk, instantly noticed as I started tensing up, and he came up to my bedside and took my hand.

"What is it, baby? What's the matter?" he asked.

"Contraction," I gasped.

Seb got up from his seat then and said worriedly, "I'll go get help. You stay with her."

"Right," Lionel agreed, and then he sat on the side of our bed, and I just held onto him for comfort. I _really _did not want to break down and start crying again after all the crying I'd done that day already, but it was a struggle not to. I was only twenty-seven weeks along, and if my doctors couldn't get my contractions stopped, just like that unspeakable nightmare I'd had, Rosie really _would _be taken from my womb too early, and then she could have breathing difficulties and all sorts of problems. It just scared me to death, and that was putting it mildly.

Dr. Griffin was called out to the palace immediately, and Dr. Adams was called into my suite along with Beth and Debbie, and I was examined, poked, and prodded quite a bit. Rosie's heartbeat was still doing well, but over the next hour I had another couple of contractions, so I was taken to the hospital, put on a fetal monitor and other monitors, and given medication to try and stop my contractions. And because it was already a high-risk pregnancy due to all my other medical issues, and because my blood pressure was still rather high, they decided to admit me for the time being.

I'd been given one of the enormous hospital suites on the top floor that in fact looked very similar to my own suite back at the palace, except for the carpeting. It had a typical hospital floor, but the walls were a lovely beige, and my bed had a matching beige bedspread and was an incredibly comfortable queen-sized bed, which had more than enough room for Lionel to join me whenever I had to stay there. There was also an adjoining sitting room and dining room that were equally beautiful, as well as an adjoining guest room, where Grandma and Joe often slept when I had to be in the hospital. All the big suites of the top floors were very similar, and had their own sitting room, dining room, and guest bedroom as well.

I'd left the palace for the hospital about ten minutes after one, and it wasn't until around five that evening that I was settled in my suite and things really started to calm down somewhat. After monitoring my contractions for a few hours and giving me medication to stop them, I was brought to my suite. I was still on the fetal monitor and I was still having an occasional contraction, but the medication did seem to be helping a little. However, I was still deeply worried.

After sitting with me for a good while, trying his best to help me stay calm, Lionel had to leave my room to take care of some security details regarding my hospital stay, so Papa came in and basically took over for Lionel. When he sat down where Lionel had been sitting, smiled at me and took my hand, I knew that he was there to talk to me and to try and distract me from my fears.

"How are you, my dear?" he asked me kindly, and I could see all the love in his eyes. Sure, he always put on this big persona of the tough guy, but I knew that in his heart, he was one of the gentlest souls alive.

"You want the cold, hard truth, or the sugarcoated answer?" I asked as I turned onto my left side to face him. Dr. Griffin had instructed me to remain on my left side, and I had ever since I first came to the hospital that day, but I'd needed to change positions for a little while because my left side had fallen asleep, but I'd wanted to turn back to my left side again as soon as possible.

"No sugarcoating. Just give it to me straight."

"I'm relieved that the medication has slowed down my contractions, but I'm still worried sick that in the end, it won't be enough and I'll wind up giving birth to Rosie now. You didn't see what happened in that dream, Daddy," I said as tears flooded my eyes, and I hated myself for it. The last thing in the _world _I wanted to be was some weak, weeping little damsel in distress, but as I thought of what happened to Rosie in that nightmare, I couldn't help but cry.

Joe squeezed my hand then and hugged me and whispered, "Hey, it's going to be alright. Rosie's going to be alright. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Even before they hurt her, she was struggling because she was premature. It was hard for her to breathe, and there was nothing I could do to make it better for her," I said through my tears.

"I know, _mija. _I know. I can't imagine how traumatic that nightmare must have been for you, but you have to remember, sweetheart, that it was exactly that: _a nightmare. It was not real. _Let's say for a minute that your worst fears do happen and you do end up giving birth prematurely. Nowadays, with all the advancements that have been made in medicine, there are women who give birth at only six months along, and their babies survive. And you and Rosie are getting the best medical care a mother and baby could possibly receive, and if Rosie comes along now, she is going to be taken care of better than any little princess in human history.

"I don't think you've ever fully realized this, but you have a _remarkable _impact on other people. You may be critiqued and scrutinized under the microscope of the media a lot of the time, but ever since Genovia almost lost you, they realized what a unique treasure you really are and what an enormous heart you have for your people. To everyone who knows you, you are their hero because of the way you, a queen, willingly sacrificed yourself to protect ordinary citizens, when you clearly didn't have to. You chose not to be the kind of royal who sat in an ivory tower; you soon proved yourself to be the kind of leader who was willing to roll up her sleeves, pitch in and help and get her hands dirty. And when your people really saw that in you, they loved and respected you for it, and they still do. People love you_ so much, mija. _And because Rosie is your baby, people love her, too. So even if the worst does happen and she comes early, and even if, God forbid, she starts having breathing difficulties or other problems because of it, you _still _don't ever have to worry about your nightmare coming true. In your nightmare, those monsters hated you because you did the right thing, and they couldn't have cared less about Rosie, so they hurt her in order to hurt you. If Rosie is born early and starts having problems here in the hospital, all her doctors and nurses and guards, and _every _person that is around her, will do _everything _within their power to help her and comfort her and care for her, because we all love you and Rosie so much. She'll _always _know how loved she is, and that she's not alone."

I gave him another big hug after he said that, and I kissed his cheek and told him, "Daddy, you're wonderful."

"So are you, _mija. _So are you. And I want you to know that you have _always _had a deep impact on me, love. _Always._"

"Really?"

"Definitely. I'll never forget the day I first met you. When Clarisse first told me that she wanted me to protect you and everything, I'll admit that I wasn't too thrilled about the idea. Now your father was a good man and I mean absolutely no disrespect to his memory when I say this, but when he and Pierre were kids, I'm just going to give it to you like it is: they were a couple of royal spoiled brats. They grew out of it by the time they were adults, thankfully, but when they were kids, they were terrible. Because they were princes, they were pretty condescending to me and the rest of the staff as they were growing up, and they tended to think of me as more their servant or their butler than their royal bodyguard, so the thought of me having to be a chauffeur and a babysitter to another young royal didn't exactly make my day. But when we first met and I was driving you around, you couldn't stop playing with that screen," he said with a laugh, and I laughed with him as I recalled the memory. There'd been a black screen in the limo Grandma had given me to use that I pushed up and down quite a few times.

"Yeah, I bet I drove you crazy."

"Not at all. I couldn't show it, of course. I had to be Mr. Tough and Strong Royal Head of Security, but as you kept pushing that button, moving that screen up and down over and over again, I realized that it was your very first time in a limousine, and that you were playing with the screen because the limo fascinated you. I thought it was the cutest thing in the world. Pierre and Philippe would've just complained because the limo was blue and not black, or because it wasn't a stretch limo, or for some other stupid reason. But with you, it was fascination, not complaints. You stole my heart right then and there. You were such a sweet girl, and you still are. You may be a grown woman now, ruling a country, married with a little girl of your own and another on the way, but you'll always be my sweet little girl."

"Thank you, Daddy," I whispered. It was a very warm, touching moment between us that meant an awful lot to me, but it was quickly interrupted when a second later I started having another contraction.

"What is it, _mija_?" he asked me as I started tensing up. "A contraction?"

"Yeah," I gasped.

"Okay sweetheart, just take my hands," he said, and I took his hands then and our eyes locked. "Breathe with me, alright? Just take a deep breath like this," Joe told me as he demonstrated, and for the next few seconds, we breathed our way through the rest of the contraction. When it ended, he asked me, "Is it over?"

"It's over," I sighed, and _mercifully, _it really _was _over after that. Once that contraction Joe helped me through ended, I didn't have any more preterm contractions.

I spent a few more days in the hospital because my doctors were naturally being super cautious, but after I'd been able to really relax and my blood pressure had come back down to normal and my doctors felt certain I wouldn't have any more contractions, I was sent home. And it was then that it was officially announced to me by Lionel, Grandma, and the rest of the gang at the palace that my maternity leave _had begun _– and that there was nothing I could say or do about it. I'd often felt in the past that my family liked to coddle me too much after I was attacked and no one more so than Grandma, but this time however, I knew they were right. I knew that when it came to Rosie I couldn't afford to take any chances, so I turned all the rest of my work over to Nicholas, who successfully finished helping Sebastian get the Lizzie Bill before Parliament, and I took things pretty easy for the next ten weeks.

And about four weeks before I was due, I started going through what doctors called prodromal labor, in which contractions happen at irregular intervals and stop after a while. Since I was still a month away from my due date and after my having preterm contractions before, I was pretty worried at first, but Beth and Debbie examined Rosie and me and assured me that it was all a normal part of the process and that my body was simply practicing for the real thing. And after going through a whole week in which I was awakened by prodromal labor pains that kept me up for half the night and stopped in the wee hours of the morning, I was certain that when I started getting contractions the night of June 6, 2011, three weeks before my due date, it was _not _the real thing.

Lionel had stayed up with me every night that past week, helping me through all my pre-labor pains, so when they started up again that night, I just let him sleep. He told me time and time again that he wanted me to wake him up and let him know if I started getting more prodromal contractions so he could help me through them, but he'd missed so much sleep already that I really didn't want to wake him, and I'd felt pretty confident that I could get through my contractions on my own anyway, so I let him sleep. However, by about four o'clock that next morning, the contractions were not only coming at regular intervals; they were getting intense, and I knew I couldn't handle them by myself any longer.

"Lionel," I said as I shook him awake, and he immediately sat up.

"Yeah!" he cried out, and part of me wanted to laugh inside. He was such a typical nervous expecting father. "Yeah, baby, I'm here," he said a little softer. "More pre-labor contractions?"

"I'm not sure. I'm starting to think they're the real thing now. They started coming at eleven o'clock last night, and they've just been getting stronger and stronger. It's gotten to the point now where I really need your support to get through them."

"Of course, baby. Of course," he said as he got out of bed, and then he put his arms around me and kissed me. "I just wish I'd been awake when they first started coming. Why didn't you get me up, honey? I would've helped you."

"Well I've had you up every night this week, and I just thought you could use a break."

"Hey, _I do not _need a break. _What I need _is to be there for my wife, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered and then we kissed again. And in that next moment, another contraction started. "And speaking of being there for me…"

"Contraction?" Lionel asked and I nodded, and then we did what we'd been doing the past week. We held onto each other and we rocked from side to side together, which for me had been the most helpful thing to do during a contraction.

And that was basically how we got through the next three hours, simply spending time together and working through the contractions. Lionel was right there to give me anything I needed, whether it was a word of encouragement or a massage or to rock with me through a contraction or whatever. And while I know how much Grandma wanted to be there for me and be as helpful to me as possible, I just really wanted to hide away from the rest of the world in my suite with Lionel alone during that part of my labor, so he told Grandma and everybody else and they understood. With the exception of Beth and Debbie, who'd had to come in to examine me and make sure my heart was still handling the labor pains well, everyone respected my wishes to work through the contractions alone in my suite with Lionel.

By seven o'clock that morning, my water had broken and my contractions were five minutes apart, so Dr. Griffin was meeting us at the hospital. By the time I'd gotten changed out of my pajamas and ready to go, I walked out of my bathroom to find not just Lionel, but Joe, Charlotte, Sebastian, Sheila, Beth, and Debbie waiting for me in my suite. Before I could say hello to any of them though, I started having another contraction. Thankfully by that point, we'd gotten through so many contractions together that I didn't even have to try to say anything to Lionel. He could tell just by the look on my face what was happening, and he instantly came up to me and started rocking with me, and one of the things that really helped me the most was focusing on Lionel's voice as he'd whisper the most encouraging things in my ear. He told me time and again that morning how much he loved me and what a great job I was doing, and he did that for me now.

"We're just going to rock that pain away, baby," he whispered in my ear, which was something else he'd frequently said to me during a contraction that had been encouraging to me. "We're just going to rock that pain away. It's alright. It's alright. You're doing great, baby. You're doing great."

And while I was focusing on Lionel's voice and words and getting through the contraction, suddenly, my concentration was broken by the sound of a stupid, _ridiculous _whistle being blown, and to put it mildly, _I did not appreciate it one bit._

When the contraction ended a couple of moments later, I yelled, "Who _is the unbelievable idiot _that just blew that whistle?!"

Before I opened my eyes and turned around, I distinctly heard a great deal of small giggles, chuckles, and snickers that the others were trying very hard to cover up. And when I did open my eyes and turn, I soon discovered why. When I turned around, there stood a certain former Queen of Genovia who shall remain nameless, in a big blue football jersey, sweatpants, and sneakers, wearing a matching blue cap with the words _Assistant Coach _on it, _holding the stupid whistle she'd blown! _Charlotte, Sebastian, Sheila, Beth, and Debbie all looked like they were about to _die _with laughter, and I could tell that even Joe was having a hard time keeping his own laughter concealed.

"Clarisse Marie Renaldi, _did you blow that whistle?_" I asked while all the soft giggling in the background continued, and for the first time _ever _in my entire life, I think Grandma was actually a little intimidated by me.

Grandma actually bit her lower lip then and blushed beet red and said, "Mm-hmm."

"That's great! _That's just great! _You know Grandma, when I first heard that whistle blowing _which very, very rudely interrupted my much-needed concentration, I might add, _my very first thought was that I was going to _drag _this _very, very rude person _outside and beat them up! And as it turns out, _this very, very rude person _is none other than the lady who is both my mother and my grandmother all wrapped up into one – the one person _I can't _drag outside and beat up!"

As the giggling and soft laughter continued, I walked over to Joe and said, "Joe, we have a problem, here. _I am aching _to beat somebody up for breaking my concentration while I was working through a contraction with Lionel, and I can't because that somebody is my mother and my grandmother, and no matter how frustrated I may feel, I cannot get mad at her. So you know what we have to do? We have to get mad at the whistle."

"That's an excellent idea," said Joe as the giggles started growing louder.

"You see Joe, it's not Grandma's fault her blowing that whistle like that because of her struggle with senility." The moment I said that, the barely concealed giggles became increasingly louder laughs. "You see, your poor wife has started to go senile, and the whistle knows that and it took advantage of it. It took advantage of my poor _old _grandmother's senility by looking all shiny and tempting, and when it knew she was having a weak moment of senility, it tempted her to blow it. It tempted her beyond what she could bear, and she couldn't help but give in. It's _the whistle's _fault, not Grandma's."

"Precisely."

"And as my Royal Head of Security, I want you to know _that I want that whistle dead!_" I told him, which resulted in more laughs.

"Of course my dear, but may I suggest that while I go and put this treasonous whistle to death, you let Lionel and the rest of us take you to the hospital?"

"No, I'm coming downstairs to the kitchen with you and _I am personally _going to watch you take the meat cleaver to this thing! _I have got to watch this whistle die!_"

Everybody had a good laugh at that, and then we went downstairs to the kitchen together.

"Whistle, you are hereby officially sentenced to death for committing the crime of annoying the Queen," Joe announced, and then he destroyed the thing with the meat cleaver and we all applauded. And it was in that moment, as I was standing next to Joe behind the kitchen counter, that I started getting another contraction. The contractions had gotten so strong that I couldn't really speak when I started having them, and just like Lionel, when Joe saw that look on my face, he knew what was happening.

"Oh, Mia," Lionel said as he started to walk around the counter.

"May I?" Joe asked us both, and I nodded. Then I leaned on Joe like I'd leaned on Lionel before, and he rocked back and forth with me. "I'm here, _mija_," he whispered. "Papa's right here. It's alright. It's alright. You're doing great. You're doing just great, and I'm right here with you. You're with Papa. You're with Papa now."

Like Lionel, he said those comforting things to me over and over again, and as the contraction eased up enough to where I could speak again, I said, "Yeah, and you killed the whistle," which made everyone laugh out loud.

"Yeah, that's right, sweetheart. I killed the whistle."

"You killed the whistle."

"I killed the whistle. I did it especially for you."

"That was an ugly whistle."

"Yes it was. It was a stupid, ugly old whistle. And it's never going to bother you or mess with your poor senile old grandmother ever again." Just as Joe finished saying that, the contraction passed and everybody completely cracked up at what he'd said – well, everybody except Grandma, that is.

"Very funny, Joseph!" she said. "Very funny!"

Then I gave Joe a hug and said, "Thank you, Papa."

"You're more than welcome. Now, what do you say we get you and Rosie to the hospital, huh?"

"Yeah, I think that's a pretty good idea," I said with a laugh, and everyone else agreed. Then I said, "Um, Lionel, guys, um…why don't the rest of you go ahead? I just need a quick word alone with my papa. We'll be out in a second."

"Okay, sweetheart," Lionel said just before giving me a quick kiss, and then he and the others left.

And when Joe and I were alone, I could already see it in his eyes that he knew what I was about to say, but I had to say it anyway. "Daddy, remember our deal?" I asked him.

He reached up and held my face with his hand then and replied, "Yes, _mija. _I remember our deal."

"If something goes wrong and Dr. Griffin can't save us both and she has to make a choice, Rosie lives. Not me. You promised."

"I know the deal we made with each other," he said to me in a solemn tone of voice, and I knew being reminded of that promise was very hard on him and I hated to do it, but I also knew that as a parent himself, he understood _why _I needed to do it. "And you remember your side of that deal?"

"I'm supposed to remember that there's not going to be a need for our deal because Rosie and I are going to be alright."

"And you will be, _mija_," Joe said as he hugged me. "You will be. Now let's get to the hospital so you can have this baby, huh?"

I nodded and gave my papa a smile, and then he walked out to the car with me, where both my Lamaze coaches were waiting.

We arrived at the hospital at about a quarter after seven, and for the next two hours or so, I continued to work my way through my contractions with the help of my coaches. Lilly arrived soon after I got settled into one of the maternity suites, and she and Lionel, Grandma, Joe, Charlotte, Sebastian and Sheila were all right there supporting me and cheering me on. Sebastian was actually taking the day off work so he and Sheila could be at the hospital with us for the birth. After Lionel's father, Sebastian's brother, had returned to alcoholism after the death of Lionel's mother and stopped really being a suitable parent, Sebastian stepped in and legally adopted him and he and Sheila raised him as their own, so Rosie's birth to them was like getting another grandchild, and it was important for Lionel and me as well for them to be a part of it, in addition to Grandma, Joe, and all our friends.

And thanks to everybody's support, I was doing well despite the pain of the contractions…that is, until about nine-thirty. I was at eight centimeters, and the contractions were coming every two minutes and they were _unbelievably _intense, and rocking with someone just wasn't enough to help me get through them anymore. I tried different positions, and what really helped me the most was getting down on my hands and knees and rocking back and forth through the contractions on all fours, so everyone put a bunch of pillows on the floor for me to kneel down on during a contraction. It was then, after I'd knelt down on the pillows on all fours and rocked through another intense contraction, that Joe did something that got on my nerves even more than Grandma did by blowing that whistle.

He said, "_Mija, _sweetheart, please, stop trying to be strong and get an epidural."

Now _I know _that when he said that, the last thing in the world he meant to do was upset me or make me angry. I know that he was just being a daddy, and on top of that, a man. I know how it upset him to see me in a lot of pain, and that he only said what he did because he wanted to ease my pain. I know he never really understood my desire to get through my birth without any medication since so many women all over the world had successful deliveries with an epidural. But as a mommy, even though I pretty much had no choice but to take my medications for my heart and lungs, it always worried me to death that Rosie might develop some kind of problems because of it later on in her life, and I wasn't about to expose her to any more medication during my pregnancy than was _absolutely necessary. _And in my book, an epidural, while very helpful for pain management, _was not _something that I considered to be absolutely necessary. Although I knew the pain could truly be awful, I also knew there were plenty of women in the world who _did _manage to get through it without an epidural or other medication, and if I possibly could, I was determined to be one of those women. I would have gotten an epidural if Dr. Griffin told me the contractions were putting too much stress on my heart and lungs and endangering Rosie, but as long as my heart was still handling the contractions okay, _I did not want _to get an epidural. And with each contraction, I was now feeling more and more worn down by the pain, and it was getting harder than ever to hold onto my determination to have an un-medicated birth. _And the last thing in the world _I needed was for Joe to tempt me by saying what he just did!

And as soon as those words were out of his mouth, I was so filled with anger and frustration that I wanted to really bite Joe's head off and give him a piece of my mind, but like with Grandma and the whistle, I knew how very much he loved me and wanted to help me and that he never meant to upset me, so I couldn't yell or fuss at him like that. Instead, I merely looked at him, gritted my teeth, and started growling.

"It's alright, little one," Grandma tried to soothe me. "It's alright."

"Now look Joe," I told him through my gritted teeth, "you know you're my second father and I love you dearly. _But I have completely had it with all the epidural arguments with you! _If you dare to say the 'e' word in my presence again one more time, _just one more time_, I will call you 'Joey' every single day for the rest of your life!" Once again, the room was filled with giggling. "And on top of that, I'll do something infinitely worse to you!"

"And what's that?" Papa asked.

"I'll start making fun of your bald head!"

Everybody really laughed at that, and then Grandma rubbed my back and said, "It's alright, sweetheart. No one's going to say the 'e' word again." As one of my coaches, she had actually knelt down in the floor with me while I rocked on my hands and knees through a contraction, and Lionel had knelt down on my other side.

"I don't want anybody even _thinking _it!" I said aloud.

"We're not thinking it, baby," Lionel tried to assure me. "Nobody's thinking the 'e' word. It's the farthest thing from all our minds."

"That's right," Grandma agreed.

"It's _not _the farthest thing from his!" I yelled at Joe. As I was sitting on my pillows in the floor of the sitting room, looking up at Joe who was sitting on the couch nearby with most everyone else, _I could see _that he was thinking the "e" word. "Joey's thinking it! I know it! I can see it in his eyes! And you know what, Joey? That's the last straw! I'm getting up and I'm coming after you right now, Chrome Dome!" I shouted as I started to get up, but Grandma gently put her hand on my shoulder and stopped me.

"Joseph," she said, "_out. Now._"

Joe quickly obeyed Grandma and left, and then about an hour later, Dr. Griffin examined me again and announced that I was fully dilated and ready to push, _much _to my relief. All through my labor, my doctors and nurses and Lionel and Grandma were all extremely supportive of me, and I was helped and encouraged to do exactly what my body told me to do and to use whatever position to labor in that I felt was best. Even the former Queen of Genovia herself encouraged me to cry or moan or yell or scream my way through the contractions if that helped me deal with the pain, and I know that not every woman has been blessed enough to receive as much encouragement and understanding as I did. Unlike a lot of doctors and hospitals, I wasn't treated as though my body and I didn't know what we were doing, but just the opposite, and that attitude continued as I went through the pushing phase of labor. I wasn't coached on when to push and when not to, and there wasn't anybody yelling at me to push or telling me I couldn't. Because of the issues with my heart, Dr. Griffin and Lionel and I discussed it and we decided that by the time it was time for me to push, I'd deliver Rosie while lying on my left side because that would provide the best blood flow and oxygen supply to her.

And like a good assistant coach, Grandma really wanted to be there to support me and help me through it, but I'd decided I only wanted Lionel with me during the pushing stage because, as I'd told her once before, "When a woman has to push in labor, she has to make embarrassing noises. I cannot push or make embarrassing noises in front of Queen Clarisse Renaldi!" Grandma's response was, "Oh, for heaven's sake! How do you think your father and your uncle got into this world, young lady? I grunted and I made embarrassing noises and I pushed them out of me like any other woman!" But she respected my wishes left the room when it came time for me to push, and it was just Lionel and me and Beth, Debbie, and Dr. Griffin for a while.

But after all those contractions and about twenty minutes of pushing, my weakened body started getting the best of me and I _really _started getting exhausted. I was so dead tired, as a matter of fact, that I actually started to cry a little bit. My back had been killing me so Lionel was behind me giving me a constant massage through it all, bless him, and Debbie was holding my right leg up for me and Beth was sitting in front of me, holding my hand. And because Dr. Griffin wanted me on oxygen to help my heart and lungs out as much as possible, I had an oxygen mask covering my face.

And as I started to cry, Beth started stroking my hair and she asked me in the sweetest voice, "What's wrong, honey? Getting tired?"

I nodded, and then I told her, "I just really wish I hadn't told Mom not to be here."

And God love her, I know Clarisse Renaldi had to either have had supersonic hearing or have been standing outside holding a glass to my maternity suite door listening to what was going on, because the _second _after I said that, she came running into the room.

"Mommy's here, baby," she said as she ran inside, and the ladies laughed. Then Beth got up and Grandma sat in her seat and took my hand. "Mommy's right here."

"Well that solves that problem," Dr. Griffin said with a laugh, and then everyone else laughed again.

Having Grandma there with me was a major help, and about another ten minutes later at two minutes after eleven that morning, the newest Princess of Genovia came into the world. Lionel, Grandma, and I all cried with joy, as did Dr. Griffin, Beth, and Debbie, and after Dr. Griffin examined Rosie and me and Beth and Debbie got us cleaned up and massaged my abdomen, everyone left Lionel and me alone with Rosie for a little while. Lionel and I just stared at her little face for the longest time. Lionel had been right in what he'd said about Rosie during the big 4-D ultrasound. Rosie did look a lot like me, but she definitely had plenty of her father in her as well. She had a head full of dark hair like Lionel's and mine, and one thing that I really loved was her eyes. Even though Lionel's eyes and mine were brown, I was pleased to see that Rosie had blue eyes like her great-grandmother, and there had been a likely possibility because of all the people with brown eyes on both sides of our family that Rosie's would get darker and turn brown later, but to my delight, they stayed blue.

I was actually pretty starved after giving birth, and after Lionel and I held, fed, changed, rocked, and cuddled Rosie during the next couple of hours, I had someone warm up the lunch that had been brought to my suite because it had gotten cold, and I really dug in. Then after we held, fed, changed, rocked, and cuddled Rosie during another couple of hours, Rosie and I started getting visitors. Grandma was naturally the first person to come in and give Rosie and me some love and brag about her newest great-granddaughter, and then Sebastian, Sheila, Lilly, and Charlotte came and doted over Rosie as well, and Brigitte and Brigitta brought Claire by a little later so she could meet her new baby sister.

But one of the best moments of the family visits came when my last visitor finally dared to approach my suite to see Rosie and me after the delivery. Before he walked in, he actually hid behind the door and opened it just a crack and started flying a white flag he'd made.

I laughed and said, "I don't know what's going on, but I'm not at war with you, whoever you are. It's safe to come in."

Joe stuck his head through the door then and asked, "Are you really sure about that?"

We all laughed and I told him, "Joe, get in here and say hello to your new granddaughter before I start calling you 'Joey' and 'Chrome Dome' again!" When I said that, everyone else laughed even harder. Even Joe had a good laugh as he walked inside, and I was really touched when I saw that he was carrying a big bouquet of off-white roses to give me. Shortly after I returned to my duties after my extended hospital stay, I was actually honored with my own special rose, which was an off-white sort of color. Grandma had her own rose as well that was a pale shade of mauve.

"For you, my dear," Joe said softly, but I couldn't take them because I was still holding Rosie.

"I'll take them and put them in some water, Joe," Charlotte said, and after she took the roses and went looking for a vase, Joe sat down on my bed with a loving smile.

"Thank you, Papa," I said, returning the smile.

"No _mija, I _thank _you _for the beautiful new grandchild. And I'm very sorry I upset you earlier today."

"Forget it. I'm just sorry about the bald jokes."

Joe dismissed my apology with a wave of his hand and shook his head and said, "Sweetheart, you couldn't insult me if you tried. Besides, I'm a bodyguard. I'm a pretty tough guy. I don't care if someone makes a few bald jokes. You're okay, and Rosie's okay. _That's _what I care about," he told me sincerely, and we both smiled.

After Joe and everybody had a good visit with Rosie and me for a while, Grandma saw that the day was really starting to take its toll on me, so she wasted no time in shooing everyone from my suite in order for me to get some rest. I was very happy to see all my loved ones of course, and especially Claire, but I did feel relieved when Grandma got them out and things started to quiet down a little.

"Alright you two," Grandma said with a big smile after she shooed the last person out, "I'm going to go now so our new mommy can get some _very _well-earned rest."

"I don't mean to be mean to everybody, but…thanks for getting them out, Grandma. I really need a little peace and quiet right now."

Grandma walked up to my bed then, and I could see a look of determination in her eyes as she told me, "And you need sleep in addition to peace and quiet, my love."

"I know, but I can't go to sleep right now because if I went to sleep, I would have to put Rosie down first and I can't stop holding her. Not yet," I told Grandma, and she laughed.

"I know, little one. I know how it is. I've been a new mommy myself, so I'll tell you what. I'll come sit behind you and hold you," she said as she did exactly that, "and I'll sing-speak a little lullaby for you to help you sleep, and as you start feeling nice and relaxed, Lionel can take Rosie when you feel a little more ready to go to sleep."

I looked up at Grandma and smiled at her in that moment as I remembered something, and I said to her, "Grandma, this is just like what you helped me imagine the night I had that terrible nightmare. You helped me imagine that you were holding me as I was holding a _full-term _Rosie."

"Mm-hmm," Grandma said as she returned my smile.

"She came three weeks early. She just barely made it to full-term, didn't she?"

"Well the point, little one, is that _she made it _to full-term, and that she's a perfectly healthy six-pound, one-ounce baby girl."

"Right on," Lionel agreed.

"And another good point I need to make is that it's time for me to help _my _baby girl get some sleep. Lionel, we need you here on standby to take Rosie whenever Mia's ready."

"Yes, ma'am," he said as he sat down on the other side of my bed, and then Grandma started to sing-speak to me, which was where she would speak a few words of a song and sing whatever notes she could hit, which had been her method of singing ever since her voice got so badly damaged all those years ago. I put my head down on Grandma's shoulder and stared into Rosie's baby blues then as she started to sing-speak one of my favorite songs to me, the song she'd sung at my eighteenth birthday party called _Your Crowning Glory_, only she changed the words around a bit.

"Some girls are fair," she gently sung-spoke to me. "Some are jolly and fit. Some have a well-bred air or a well-honed wit. You are such a jewel…with your own singular shine…a work of art with your own rare, rare design."

That was all of the song I heard before I felt Lionel take Rosie from my arms and I fell asleep.

* * *

And today, they were all exactly the same as they had been when I'd had Rosie. They were every bit as warm, loving, and just plain remarkable now as they were then, and it was their ongoing support that really kept me going. When I woke up in my room in the ICU from the surgery, they were all right there with me as they always were. And over the next couple of days, they still stayed right there with me as my condition improved enough for me to be moved from the ICU into one of the big hospital suites. Lionel slept with me in my queen-sized hospital bed, and Grandma and Joe slept in the guest room, and even though I was doing better, they still insisted on being by my side. They may have acted all positive and brave and confident for my sake, but I could see it in their eyes that this latest episode with my heart really scared them to death.

But things were happier for all of us, I believe, when Claire and Rosie were _finally _brought to my suite the day after I left the ICU. They jumped up on my bed and hugged me and kissed me and played, and I told them how much I loved them and how much I missed them, and I assured them that I was going to be okay. I didn't know for certain if I really _was _going to be okay after all this, but I wasn't going to let my own worries and fears affect my girls. No matter what, I was going to be strong for them the way Lionel, Grandma, and Joe were always trying to be so strong for me. And I wasn't _about _to let my uncertainty about the future keep me from enjoying every precious moment I had to spend with them.

"Mommy, play tummy!" said Rosie. Whenever I played around with the girls, I always tickled their stomachs.

"Yeah, Mommy! Do the tickle monster!" said Claire.

"Alright, girls. Here goes! Look out! Here comes the tickle monster!" I warned, and then I started tickling their stomachs, and they fell down on my bed and squealed with laughter.


	9. Constructive Criticism

**Chapter Nine**

_Clarisse_

Pierre had just recently gotten back from a long-term missionary trip to Africa when he arrived at the palace and represented the Royal Family for Mia at the charity dinner the night of her heart attack, and he had already signed up for a much shorter missionary trip to South America that he hadn't been able to get out of that began just the day after Mia was hospitalized. He had tried to find a suitable replacement but he simply couldn't on such short notice, so he'd had to leave even though he hated to. And for a mother, he was really a sight for sore eyes when he returned to Genovia and came to see Mia in the hospital four weeks later, which had been yesterday afternoon.

Naturally, I was completely thrilled when Mia's doctors said she was well enough to be released from the hospital tomorrow. But even though Mia was doing considerably better, she still gave me quite a scare this morning. I woke up at a quarter past five in the morning needing to use the restroom, and when I was finished, I wanted to go into Mia's room of the hospital suite where she and Lionel were sleeping just to check on her. Even though she'd gone through a good bit of physical therapy the past three weeks and had really regained some strength, and even though she was set to go home tomorrow morning, I couldn't help but want to keep my eye on her as much as possible.

And it was when I walked into Mia's room that I discovered she was gone. I checked the bathroom and the other adjoining rooms of the suite and she was nowhere to be found, and I instantly started thinking the worst: either someone had taken her and something had happened to her, or she was having another episode of severe anxiety and was hiding in a dark closet somewhere, which had been a kind of coping mechanism for her in the weeks after she was attacked.

* * *

Mia had been in the hospital just over nine weeks and all the casts for her broken bones and fractures had finally come off, and she'd recently started physical therapy. Physically, her body was healing slowly but surely. But her spirit hadn't even _begun _the healing process yet. One afternoon after I'd gone with Joseph for a little walk, we returned to Mia's suite to find things in a state of utter chaos. Sarah Sanchez, a heavyset lady with dark hair and dark eyes who ran the Pyrus Women's Shelter where Mia had secretly done volunteer work for years, had come by to visit her and found her hospital bed empty, and she and all the guards were searching for her.

"How long has she been missing?" Joseph abruptly questioned Shades. It was obvious he was just as worried about Mia as I was, and just as furious at Royal Security for allowing this to happen.

"Jason says that after he and one of the orderlies escorted her back from her physical therapy session, he went to the bathroom for a second and when he returned, she was gone." Jason was one of the newest additions to the palace security staff.

Joseph quickly looked around himself and noticed that Mia's I.V. was standing by her bedside, and that the needle that had been in her arm was now lying on the hospital food tray, next to the nasal cannula she'd been wearing that gave her oxygen.

"Someone _took out _her I.V.?" he asked incredulously.

"It looks that way, yes," said Shades.

"Well you can tell young Jason that as of right now, he's out of a job," Joseph calmly announced, but I could tell that Joseph's calmness was not a sign of his lack of anger, but rather, a sign that he was furious enough inside to start breaking things – just as I was.

"Sir, it was a simple mistake, and he is new."

"Shades, the Queen of Genovia _almost died _two months ago because of the 'simple mistakes' of her Royal Security. Have you forgotten that?"

"No, Joseph, of course I haven't forgotten."

"We can't afford to be careless and make these kinds of mistakes like we have in the past. What's just happened should be enough to prove to you that all it takes is _one second _for something to go wrong. From now on, we have someone with Her Majesty, keeping an eye on her _at all times. _Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Have you checked every room in the suite?"

"Yes, sir. We've checked Her Majesty's bedroom and bathroom of the suite; we've checked the guest bedroom and bathroom; we've checked the dining room and the sitting room. There's just no sign of her."

"What about the closet?'

"Yeah, Bill had a quick look. She wasn't in there."

"Have you informed hospital security?"

"Yes. They're working with us to try and help us find the Queen. The hospital is on full alert, and we've got people everywhere looking for her."

"I'm going to the closet and have more than just 'a quick look,'" Joseph told Shades, and then he did exactly that. He opened the closet door and looked inside, and he soon noticed a large pile of clothes in the floor underneath the clothes that were hanging up. He started digging through the clothes, and it only took him a second of digging to discover that it actually was Mia hidden underneath. "It's alright," he called out to the rest of us. "She's in here. And Shades? Tell Bill he's fired, too!"

"Yes, sir," Shades responded.

"No!" Mia cried out in a whisper. "I don't want anybody else in here right now. I just really need to be alone, Joe," Mia said as she wept. "Please."

I went into the closet then and knelt down beside Joseph, as did Sarah.

"Darling, what's the matter?" I asked Mia.

"I think I know what it is," said Sarah, and then she crawled over next to Mia and took her in her arms, and Mia clung to her as tightly as she could while Sarah rocked her. "After everything you've been through these past couple of months, you just want to be somewhere safe, don't you, baby?" she asked in the gentlest voice, and Mia looked up her with tear-filled eyes, much as a little girl would look up at her mother, and nodded. Sarah responded by kissing her forehead and whispering, "Yeah, I know, baby. I know. It makes you feel safe to hide in a dark closet where you're not likely to be found, doesn't it?" Again, Mia nodded.

"I don't want to be around people right now, Mama," Mia explained in a nearly childlike voice, and my heart really broke when I realized in that moment that she had just called Sarah "Mama." Mia had actually been sneaking away from the palace for a few hours at night to do volunteer work at the Pyrus Women's Shelter very shortly after she first ascended the throne, and she had told me that Sarah had become a second mother to her after Helen had suddenly died and that she'd even started calling her "Mama," but my heart hadn't been prepared for the impact of hearing her calling another woman that instead of me. In that moment, I realized that _I _wanted to be Mama. _I _wanted to be the woman she turned to when she was frightened and needed to be held, rocked, and comforted, and I wasn't. "I'm just so messed up inside right now," said Mia, "and I don't want anyone to see me when I'm like this. I'm so scared all the time, and I just want to live here in the dark where nobody can ever find me."

"I know, baby girl," she said lovingly as she continued to rock Mia. "I know. But whenever you're missing, we're always going to come looking for you. You know why?"

"Because I'm the Queen."

"No," she whispered, and then she lovingly touched Mia's cheek. "Because you're _Mia, _and you're so special to all of us, not because of what you do, but because of who you _are. _Being the Queen is like being a doctor or a nurse or a musician or a journalist. It's a career like any other, but it's _not _your identity, little one. It may be what you do, but it's not who you are. I've seen who you are these past couple of years, and I can tell you now, it's a _beautiful _sight. You are the sweetest little girl I have ever had the privilege of knowing, and I know I'm not the only person who sees that. _We all _see it, and because _we all _love that sweet little girl so much, when she's gone, we can't help but want to find her again."

"Are you going to make me leave here? I don't want to leave. I want to stay here."

"My dear, you can't just hide away in here forever. We need you. You don't want to just hide out in here and neglect all the people who care about you, do you?" I asked Mia, and it was one of the _stupidest _things I ever did in my entire life. I had merely been hoping to coax her out of the closet so we could have someone start up her I.V. again and get her back into bed where she'd be more comfortable. I had actually simply been trying to _help _Mia, but I had tried in the worst possible way, as I would soon find out.

Mia responded to my efforts by burying her head in Sarah's chest, clinging to Sarah with all her might, and breaking down into sobs.

"Clarisse," Joseph said in a low voice, "outside. Now."

I knew it right then and there that I had just blown it, _severely _blown it. Even in all the years before we were husband and wife, when we couldn't be anything more than just good friends, Joseph and I had always had a special relationship with each other. He was one of only a handful of people in my life that I could really open up to and be thoroughly honest with, and he had been a most wonderful, understanding person to confide in. The beauty of Joseph was that he was always quick to listen and slow to jump to conclusions. In quite a few ways, Joseph was far wiser than I was, and certainly a lot more patient, and he _definitely _had a lot more sense when it came to how he handled his relationships than I did. And the honesty, sometimes the _blunt _honesty, of our relationship, worked both ways. Joseph had most often been there for me to give me encouragement and understanding when I needed it, but whenever the occasion called for it, he hadn't been afraid to tell me the cold, hard truth about something, even at times when he knew I didn't want to hear it. Unlike the vast majority of people in my life, Joseph was never afraid to tell me about it when I was wrong. I didn't know _what _I had just done wrong that had upset Mia so badly, but I could tell by his reaction that _Joseph did_, and I knew we were about to have one of our Joseph-being-bluntly-honest-with-me conversations.

After we walked together outside, I asked, "What is it, Joseph? What did I do wrong? What did I say or do that was so terrible? And I'd like to know another thing as well. Why is she calling _Sarah Sanchez _'Mama?' What am I, Joseph? Chopped liver?! Why can't she call _me _'Mama' when she needs one? How can she not know how much I love her? How can she not know how much I care? How can Mia not know that she can turn to me when something's wrong? Why does she feel like she can only turn to Sarah when she needs a mom? I've been there these past few weeks, haven't I? I've held her when she's been in pain and needed to cry. I've been there for her."

"For two months, you've been there for her, yes. How about _before _then?"

"What're you talking about? _Of course _I've been there for her before then. I've given her a lot of things, haven't I? I've given her wealth, a palace, the best of everything. And it was thanks to _my _guidance that she was able to become the Queen of Genovia. I'd say I've given her a great deal."

"Yes, in terms of your _royal _life, you _have _given her a great deal. But what Sarah said to Mia in there just now is very true: there is _more _to life besides your royal position. At the end of the day, Clarisse, even though it's one of the hardest jobs out there, being the Queen of Genovia is exactly that: _a job. _It's a career, _not an identity. _It's not _everything _about who you are, or who Mia is. You've always been there to give Mia the tools she needed to be a good ruler, but so much of the time, it's as if that's all you ever think about.

"I understand why you're like that. More than anything else, now, it's a course of habit. You were raised to put your duty to your country above all else, and for so many years, that's what you did. As a ruler, it's what you felt you _had _to do, and I get that. I've always understood. But it's a natural, logical consequence of life that when you put your relationships with the Lord and your loved ones on the back burner for whatever reason, however good a reason you may think it is, those relationships are going to suffer. I don't think you've ever realized this, but your relationship with Mia has suffered a great deal from being put on the back burner to your life as a royal. It's _always _suffered, Clarisse."

"What are you talking about?"

"Before all this happened, when was the last time Mia told you she loved you?"

"The day before she was attacked," I recalled.

"And before the attack, when was the last time _you _told Mia _you _loved _her?_"

I racked my brain as I tried so hard to remember the last time I'd said it, and I felt so awful as I realized I couldn't.

"I can't remember," I finally admitted in a whisper.

"Even though they sent you away to boarding school, your parents were still very involved in your life. They were always calling you and visiting you, and they came over for every big school event you ever had. You've told me yourself numerous times that even though you and your parents had your share of problems and disagreements over the years, your childhood and teen years were happy. You always grew up secure in your parents' love, didn't you?"

"Why, yes. Of course I did."

"They always made you feel like you were loved and special; like you were someone important to them; like you really mattered to them, didn't they?"

"Yes. Definitely." _Like an idiot, _I had no clue where this was going.

"Can you imagine what it would have done to you if your parents had divorced just after you were born, and your father left you and your mother and never _once _bothered to talk to you in person, speak to you on the phone, or even write you a letter? And what if that absentee father's parents had done the same thing to you for a significant portion of your life, say for nearly sixteen years? How loved, how important, how secure would you feel then?" _Ouch! _That was certainly an unexpected kick in my gut, which Joseph observed as I doubled over in guilt for a couple of seconds.

He then laid a gentle hand on my shoulder and said, "I didn't say that just now to hurt you. I understand why Philippe made the choices he made, and I understand your choices as well. I know that Helen Thermopolis felt that life as a royal, lived out in the spotlight of the news media, was not what was best for her child, and I know that as the King, Queen, and Crown Prince of Genovia, all of you had to do what you felt was best for your country. I know you never forgot you had a granddaughter in San Francisco, and I know you and Rupert and Philippe always loved her.

"But that doesn't change the fact that the decision all of you made to stay out of Mia's life has had _enormous _consequences for her, consequences that you as a grandmother have never truly acknowledged or dealt with. And the way you handled things when you first met her has also had some major consequences for your relationship with Mia that I doubt you're even aware of."

"What consequences?"

"When you first met Mia, you weren't thinking of her as a grandmother would think of her granddaughter. You were the Queen of Genovia looking for a suitable princess, and that was the only thing on your mind, _not your relationship. _You never said anything about it, of course, but anyone who spent just two seconds with you when you were around Mia at first could sense it that you disliked her because her hair wasn't straight and her eyebrows were thick and she was clumsy. And I promise you that if _other people _could sense your disdain for Mia, _she _could sense it, too. You may have always cared about Mia because she was your granddaughter, but you didn't even act like you _liked_ her until she got her makeover. Now stop and think about that, _really think about that, _for a second. What kind of message do you think that sent to Mia? _How would you feel, _Clarisse, if _you'd _been the one to have a grandmother do or say _nothing_ for sixteen years to let you know she cared about you, and then to finally meet her one day, only to have her try to change everything about your life, the way you looked, where you lived, and what you did with the entire rest of your life, just to suit her personal agenda, without acting _one bit _like she cared about all the pain she caused you? It would make you feel very unloved, uncared for, and used, wouldn't it? Like you were only an object to your grandmother, nothing more." _Double ouch! _

"Yeah, I think I see what you're saying," I admitted sadly. "But Joseph, if I _hadn't _done everything within my power to ensure the throne would remain in Renaldi hands, the von Trokens–"

"Yes, my dear, I know. I understand why you had to try your best to ensure that Mia would accept her title and become the Crown Princess of Genovia. But my point is, when you were on the throne, _you did _allow your position as Queen to take over your entire life and your entire identity. And you allowed your royal life to completely take over your _personal _life, and that has harmed your relationships, regardless of whether you meant it to or not.

"With Mia, the first concern in your mind has always been her living up to your expectations as a royal, _not _her well-being. Well, maybe that's not how you feel in your heart, _but it's how you act. _It's how you've _always _acted. When you first met Mia, you were the Queen of Genovia when you should have been Grandma. And I don't mean this harshly, Clarisse. You know I don't. You're the love of my life, and I love you dearly. You know that. But the cold, hard fact is, a real grandma wouldn't have seen the imperfect hair and the thick eyebrows and the clumsiness when she saw her granddaughter for the very first time in almost sixteen years. A real grandma would have just seen her granddaughter and loved her and been glad to see her no matter _how _imperfect she may have appeared. And a real grandma would have taken responsibility for her hurtful actions and apologized to her granddaughter for causing her so much pain by never being there in her life before, instead of using her royal obligations as an excuse to sweep what she did to her under the rug. I know that it was for a good reason, but good reason or not, it doesn't change the fact that Philippe abandoned his daughter and you abandoned your granddaughter for sixteen years. And it also doesn't change the fact that you used your royal position as an excuse to avoid facing up to what your abandonment really did to Mia inside. You always accepted responsibility for your actions as Queen of Genovia, but you never _really _accepted responsibility for your actions as a grandmother.

"And ever since then, the vast majority of the time, you only talk to Mia about your _royal _life, not your personal one. You don't make it very easy for Mia to feel comfortable enough with you to open up to you about what's going on inside of her. She once admitted it to me that a lot of the time, she felt like you were more her critic than her grandmother. Your main concern so much of the time in the past has always been whether or not her clumsiness or her imperfections and mistakes would embarrass you in the media, _not her well-being_. You _constantly _try to be perfect, Clarisse, and you don't openly show it, but other people around you can sense it that if they're not as perfect as you are, you look down on them. Mia's sensed that from you for many years now, and _she has tried_ to live up to your expectations and be as 'perfect' as you are, but she can't because she hasn't had _nearly_ as many years of training and instruction in living this kind of life as you have. You always expected her to handle herself as well in her public and royal life as you did when you were her age, _regardless _of the fact that you were trained for this life from birth and she was only trained for it for a small fraction of the time you were.

"And I'm sorry, but you can't expect Mia to want to run into your arms and call you 'Mama' when she really needs one if you act like you only love her when her hair is straight, her eyebrows are thin, and she doesn't make mistakes. I realize you never meant to send Mia that message, but by you never accepting responsibility for never being there the first sixteen years of her life, not acting like you really liked or cared for her until she got her makeover, and beating her up about it when she makes mistakes but _never _bothering to tell her about it when she does something good that makes you proud of her, _that's the message you send to her. _It doesn't matter if it's the message _you mean _to send her; that's the kind of message that she's going to receive as long as you go on acting that way. If you _really _want to be a mother to Mia now, then I'm just going to tell you point blank that you're going to have to _stop_ being so intimidating all the time and get off your high horse. You're going to have to be a person Mia truly feels _safe _with, no matter how many mistakes she makes or how many times she's clumsy and trips and falls in public, and no matter how she looks.

"And finally," Joseph sighed, "you're going to _have _to learn how to put the royal aspect of your lives aside when it comes to your relationship with Mia. So much of the time, you're still the Queen of Genovia when you need to be Clarisse; when you need to be Grandma, or Mama. When Sarah Sanchez came into that closet after we found Mia, she wasn't Mrs. Sanchez; she was Mama. When _you _came into that closet, to Mia, you weren't being Mama; you were being the Queen of Genovia. I know you meant well, Clarisse. I know the last thing in the world you meant to do was make Mia more upset than she already was, _but she did not need _that remark you made about her neglecting the people who cared about her. As bad as she's already feeling at the moment, _she does not need _for someone to make her feel guilty about doing what she thought she needed to do to feel safe, and that's how what you said made her feel. She needed _tenderness_, Clarisse, _not guilt trips._"

What Joseph said really hit me hard, and as I started to break down and cry, he pulled me in his arms.

"My sweet Clarisse, please, please don't cry so. _I did not _say any of that because I was trying to hurt you or tear you down. You know what the phrase, 'constructive criticism' means, don't you? It's criticism one person gives to another, not to attempt to hurt that person or tear him down, but actually to build him up by helping him see he's doing something harmful that needs to be changed for his own good. Believe me, _I do understand _how hard you've had it throughout your life, first in your marriage to King Rupert, then in losing your son, and ruling a country on top of that. You're a special, extraordinary woman, and _the whole world _knows that in addition to me. I feel honored to get to be your husband. I love you with all my heart. But Mia is special and extraordinary in her own way as well that the rest of the world doesn't always appreciate, and your relationship with her is far too important in both your lives for me to just stand back and not say anything at a critical time like this. Mia has never been more vulnerable emotionally than she is right now, and if you continue in this bad pattern, sending her false messages that tell her that your love for her only exists as long as she looks pretty and performs well as a royal, you could do irreparable damage to your relationship that she would always resent you for. That's why _I had _to say something just now. That's why you need to be made aware of what you've been doing to your granddaughter all these years without realizing it, so you can make the changes in your relationship that need to be made before it's too late. I'm not saying any of this because I don't love you, _but because I do._"

Receiving criticism was never any more pleasant for me than it was for anyone else, but it never usually had a significant impact on me. I never really listened to it or paid it all that much attention throughout my life. I'd always had a very thick skin. But it was different when that criticism came from Joseph. Even well before we were married, I knew how wise he was, _especially _when it came to matters of the heart, so when he had something like this to say, I listened no matter how difficult or painful it might have been to do so because I knew he was almost always right. I think that most of the time, people don't typically like to listen to a good hard dose of constructive criticism because they don't want to have to dig deeper and own up to their failings and try to improve, and I know I certainly didn't. My first reaction as I was listening to Joseph's constructive criticism of the way I'd behaved in my relationship with Mia was to balk inside at what he was saying and to try to convince myself that he was being too hard on me; that he didn't know what it was like running a country and dealing with so much pain all at the same time for so many years. But on a much deeper level, _I knew he was right. I did not _want to break down and start admitting to Joseph and to myself all the things I'd known all along were true, but as he held me through my tears, I knew I had to do it for both Mia's sake and my own.

"You're right," I finally admitted. "You're right, Joseph. I know I never really faced what Philippe and Rupert and I did to Mia by…by abandoning her the first sixteen years of her life." I'd barely choked out the words. I'd never said it out loud before, never _really _faced it, but _I did _abandon my granddaughter for nearly sixteen years. It was just so painful to admit that I never truly allowed myself to. "And you're also right, I guess, about me using my royal obligations as a way of sweeping all the pain we caused her under the rug. I knew that I had done the only thing _I could _do back then, but I also always knew that never hearing from any of us all her life must have hurt her terribly. I simply didn't want to think about it, so emotionally speaking, I just zeroed in on all my royal responsibilities to Genovia and I said to myself that because I was only trying to do what was right for my country, Mia understood and there was no reason to make a big fuss about it."

"And that's another big problem in this world: the way younger people are devalued. If Mia had done something to really cause you a lot of pain inside, and she'd kept on doing it _constantly _for sixteen years before she finally stopped, wouldn't _you _as a grandmother want and expect an apology? Wouldn't _you _expect it of _her _to admit to you that she knew what she did was wrong and be sorry for hurting you _and show you _she was sorry for hurting you? Of course you would. So what makes _Mia_ any less entitled to the same things from you? What makes you think _you _have the right to never do or say _anything _for sixteen years to let her know her existence has the slightest meaning to you at all, and then to _never once _apologize for causing her that kind of pain? Mia and I have had this discussion a good many times through the years, and we both agree that it's really sad the way the world frowns on younger people showing any kind of disrespect for adults, but _constantly _gives adults the green light to show young people the _worst _kinds of disrespect without batting an eye. I know the way our generation was raised: children are to be seen and not heard, _and definitely not respected. _But I think you need to realize that Mia _does not _have less value than you do just because she's younger than you are, Clarisse. And we both know that if Mia had done something to really hurt you, she would _immediately _come to you and apologize for it. So now it's time for _you _to show _her _that same respect."

_Again, _I didn't like it. It was painful, and I didn't want to face it, _but once again, _I couldn't deny it that Joseph was absolutely right.

"I know," I sighed. "I think that because I was raised with that understanding, in the back of my mind, I really believed it was okay to just brush off all the pain I caused Mia by never being a part of her life before. You're absolutely right, Joseph. If Mia had offended me, _I would _expect her to face up to what she did and apologize to me. But I guess I told myself deep down that because she was a kid at the time and I was an adult, that made it okay for me to sweep it all under the rug. _But it's not okay. _I know that now.

"As for me making Mia feel like that I only love her when she looks a certain way and when she doesn't make mistakes, _has she really _told you that I do that to her?"

"In so many words, yes." _Triple ouch! Big, big, ouch!_

"Well I didn't mean to," I said through more tears. "It's just that our family has the entire _country _looking at us all the time! And if you don't look your best, _the press kills you. _When I first saw Mia, all I could think was how our family would never be able to live it down if we didn't get her appearance taken care of, and soon. I didn't mean to give Mia or you or _anyone _the impression that I disliked her because of her looks."

"I know. Even though I got that sense from you that you disliked Mia because she didn't look perfect at first, I always knew that in your heart of hearts, you never _meant _to give that impression. But my dear, but at the end of the day, _it doesn't matter _that you didn't mean to give that impression; it only matters that you did, because that sent her the message that you only have good feelings in your heart for her as long as she looks a certain way. She needs to know, she's _always _needed to know, that your love for her does not change when she looks and acts less than perfect. Because she didn't have the blessing of growing up in the security that she was loved by _both _her parents the way that you did, you don't always see it, but she really needs the people who love her the most to be sensitive to her and give her lots of reassurance. You certainly never fail to let Mia hear about it when she does something wrong. How about letting her hear about it _when she does something right? _Why not just stop one day and walk up to Mia and tell her, 'Mia, for someone who had to go from being an ordinary kid to being a royal princess in the world spotlight practically overnight, you've really done an amazing job, and you've become a wonderful ruler, and I'm proud of you. You're a very sweet young lady and I love you'?"

"I've never needed people to give me compliments to feel good about myself inside, and I've never needed people to tell me I was loved in order for me to know that I was. I guess it all goes back to how I was raised. I guess I never stopped to consider the obvious: _Mia's not me. _She was raised in an entirely different situation than I was and has a very different perspective than I do. I guess I have been pretty unfair to expect her to always see things the same way I do. And I guess it's also been pretty unfair for me to have expected Mia to handle herself in public and in the press as well as I was able to when I was in my late teens and early twenties. She's handled things remarkably well since becoming Queen, and now that I stop to think about it, I guess it really is no wonder she made the mistakes she made along the way as little experience as she's had with living the life of a royal.

"And it's not that I stop loving Mia when she makes mistakes or that I look down on her when she makes them; I just hate to see it happen so much because I know the public and the press _never _take it into consideration that we royals are just as human as anybody else, and I hate to see people putting her down. _I know _what a great person she is, Joseph, _and I am _proud of her, _very proud. _It's actually _because _I'm as proud of her as I am that I hate it as much as I do when she makes a mistake; _I_ _hate_ to see the press ripping her apart the way they do whenever something goes wrong where Mia's concerned. She's my little girl, my sweet, _sweet _little girl, on top of having been a fine princess in the past and being a _very _fine queen today, and I want to see people giving her the respect she deserves, not insulting her. _I had no idea _that I was giving her the impression that I stopped loving her whenever she made a mistake; that my love for her wasn't unconditional."

"I know those things, Clarisse. _I know_ that you love Mia with all your heart, and that you're very, very proud of her. But _she doesn't_ always know those things, because _you_ _don't _take the time to really _tell her. _How can she know what your feelings for her are _if you never tell her?_" That was a good point that I never _really_ stopped to consider before Joseph said it to me that day. As I started to think about it good and hard, I began to understand how right Joseph was. Sure, I sang an occasional song at her birthday parties, but whenever she did something really good, I didn't bother to tell her that she'd made me proud. On the other hand, whenever she made an embarrassing mistake, I didn't hesitate to criticize her for it, and I wasn't always there for her in those times the way a grandma should have been.

So, I decided it was time to clear the air between Mia and me, once and for all. A couple of minutes later, Joseph and I went back into Mia's hospital suite and we found her back in bed, sound asleep with her I.V. back in and Sarah Sanchez sitting at her bedside. I had a good talk with Sarah about the things Joseph had said to me, and I basically asked her up front if what he'd told me about how I'd made Mia feel through the years was true, and she kindly but honestly told me that _yes_, it was. And she essentially told me the same things Joseph did: that if I wanted the privilege of having Mia's trust like Sarah had, I had to stop being so intimidating, stop acting like I didn't care for her when she wasn't perfect, and start being Grandma more often in her life than I was the Queen of Genovia.

When Mia woke up from her nap a couple of hours later, I had everyone but Joseph leave so we could have a private conversation.

"Are you mad at me about being in the closet today?" she asked me in the same frightened, almost childlike voice she had used earlier. "Am I in trouble with you?"

It was in that moment that _I really saw _how right Joseph and Sarah actually were: _I was _very intimidating to Mia. I could see it in her eyes that she was actually _frightened _of me, and that was _devastating _to me inside.

"No, my love, _of course not_," I told her with as much tenderness as my heart could hold, while sitting down on the side of her bed and taking her hand. "If anything, I think _I'm _the one who's in trouble with _you._" I then went on to basically tell her everything Joseph said to me earlier that day about how I'd made her feel over the years, and I asked her if it was true. For several long moments, she didn't say anything; she just turned her head away from me and stared in the opposite direction.

Joseph took her other hand then and said, "Sweetheart, I know how afraid you feel inside right now. I know you lived through unspeakable horrors a couple of months ago and I know you're still terribly frightened, and that's more than understandable. _Anyone _would feel the same way after the kind of torture you've lived through. But you _do not _have to be afraid of your grandma now. I can promise you, _no matter what _you say to her, _she will not _get angry at you for it or hold it against you. She's only asking because she needs to know if she's been doing things in your relationship that have unintentionally hurt you, so she can make some changes and not hurt you anymore."

Finally, she turned her head back to me again and with a tear-filled face, gave me a tiny nod.

"Oh," I said as I started crying with her, and then I got up and sat beside her closer to the head of the bed and held her. "I'm sorry, my love," I told her, and then I planted a firm kiss on her cheek. "I'm so sorry. Your grandma just doesn't _think_ about things sometimes like she should. I know your father and your grandfather and I really, _really _hurt you all those years by never being there or communicating with you. And I know I never really talked with you about this the way I should have long, _long _ago. I just never wanted to face all the pain we caused you, so I never talked about it with you like I should have. You know now why we had to do what we did, but I want you to know, baby, that we hated it and that we _always _loved you and wanted you in our lives. And I also want you to know that _I am so sorry _we had to do something that hurt you so much for so long. If there had been _any _other way we could have done things, I promise you we would have. We never, _ever _meant to hurt you like this.

"And as a grandma, I also want to apologize for the terrible way I handled our first meeting, and for acting as though I disliked you because of your appearance at first. Like I said, I didn't want to face up to the fact of how much Philippe's never being there and my never being there must have hurt you, so I shut down all the feelings I had for you as a grandma and just focused on dealing with you as a queen who was looking for a suitable princess to take her place one day. I didn't act that way because I didn't care about you or because I only saw you as some kind of object to suit my agenda and not as a human being, but I know it now that that's the impression I gave you, _and I am so sorry. _I _never _meant to do anything like that, darling. _Never_.

"I've spent so much time throughout my life focusing on living up to my obligations as a royal that I put all my relationships with Jesus and with others, including my relationship with you, on the back burner, so I treated you and everyone else in my life as a queen all the time simply out of course of habit. And because I've always dealt with you first and foremost as the Queen of Genovia and not as Grandma, I think I'm beginning to realize it now that I have been overly critical and intimidating to you. But I want you to know that the only reason I was hard on you whenever you made a mistake all these years _was not _because I stopped loving you, but because I knew what the press was going to do to you for it and I didn't want to see that happen. I know now that all that gave you the impression my love for you was based on how well you performed as a royal, but _please believe me_, baby, _I promise you _it is not."

The instant I said that, Mia turned her head and looked into my eyes, and I could see that what I'd just said had really gotten to her. It got to me too in that moment, as I realized _that she honestly hadn't known that before. _I had just taken it for granted that she automatically knew how much I loved her and that I would never stop. I knew it now that I _couldn't _take things for granted anymore where Mia was concerned.

"And I have a confession to make: I am _deeply _jealous of Sarah. I love you so much, Mia. You're my sweet little girl," I said as I gently brushed a few loose strands of hair back behind her ear, "and you mean more to me than I could even _begin _to tell you, baby. And now that your own mother has gone to be with the good Lord, it really breaks my heart to see you running to Sarah when you need a mama in your life instead of me. _I want to be Mama, baby. I _want to be the one who gets to call you 'little one' like she does. _I _want to be the one to help you feel safe when this hellish experience you've had is getting to you and you're feeling frightened. What can I do to make that happen?"

There was a long silence before Mia finally answered, "Just give me time. Right now, you're saying all the words I've needed to hear from you all along, but I need to see that this change of heart you're having is the real thing and that things aren't going to go back to being the way they used to be the second I'm completely well again. And I don't mean this disrespectfully, but you are not the most patient person in the world, and patience is one of the things I need the most right now. _I have never _been more messed up inside than I am at this point in my life. I'm absolutely _terrified _of every shadow, every creak, every bump, and _I really cannot handle _trying to act as composed and perfect as you do. There's probably going to be a lot more times when you and Joe are going to find me hiding away from the rest of the world in the closet, and if you want me to feel as comfortable around you as I feel around Sarah, then don't hold it against me for not being able to be perfectly poised and composed right now. I'm sure you would handle all of this a lot better than I can, _but I'm not you. _So just be understanding and let me be messed up right now. Let me be human and imperfect and maybe even a little crazy as I try to work through all of this mess that's going on inside me right now, okay?"

"Oh, my sweet girl," I whispered as I hugged Mia and held her closer to me. "It's true that I was raised to believe that a lady of noble or royal status had to act like she was perfect constantly, but I _do _know that I am not perfect. And if I'd have been through the kind of hell you've suffered, I'd be feeling just as frightened and confused as you are. _And you are not messed up inside. _You are _beautiful _inside. You _always _have been, and when you sacrificed yourself to save those people's lives two months ago, you became even _more _beautiful inside than you already were. I know I didn't always appreciate your inner-beauty the way I should have, but I do now. And _I will not _look down on you or think any less of you because of what you're going through right now, and no one else will, either. You have just survived an unbelievably traumatic experience, and _everyone _understands that, and I _certainly _do. As far as the closet's concerned, honey, when you're feeling shaken up and frightened and confused inside, please, just come to me or to Joseph and let us help you through it. Don't try to hide from us when you're having times like that, _please._ I was there when the physical pain was so severe that you needed to cry; now I want to be there when the emotional pain gets that bad, too."

"Do you really mean that?" Mia asked me, looking me straight in the eye.

I returned her gaze, touched her cheek, and replied, "_More than anything._ _I love you, Mia. _I love you _so _much, and I'm not worried about whether or not you act like a perfect royal any longer. I just can't thank Jesus enough that we haven't lost you," I said as I choked back a sob. "The only thing I care about now is making sure you're alright. _That's it._"

Mia started tearing up in that moment, and she nestled even closer to me in my arms than she was before, and we both just loved on each other and had a good cry together. After that, we started growing closer and closer than we'd ever been before, and our relationship began to become incredibly stronger. After a little bit of time, _I did _become "Mama" to Mia as Sarah had been, in addition to being Grandma, and that meant everything to me.

The entire experience also helped me begin to realize as a Christian how much I'd put my life as a royal ahead of my relationship with Jesus. Because I was the Queen of Genovia twenty-four-seven and never Clarisse, I had stopped learning and growing in my relationship with God for a long time, and just as I started making some much-needed changes in my relationship with Mia, the good Lord also helped me make some long-overdue changes in my relationship with Him as well. Thanks largely to Joseph's constructive criticism that day, I started really spending time with God and getting closer to Him again as I had when I was younger, and I stopped using my royal life as an excuse to neglect things between us.

* * *

After a little bit more searching this morning, I found Mia as she was walking down the corridor on her way back to her suite with Robert, one of the guards, carrying a snack from one of the vending machines.

"There you are," I said to her.

"Hi, Grandma," Mia said with a smile as we walked back into her room, with Robert standing guard outside the door.

"I had to use the bathroom and I just wanted to check on you while I was up. Part of me was afraid you were hiding in the closet again."

"Oh, Mama," Mia said in small laugh, and hearing her call me that really warmed my heart. "It's been quite a while since I felt the need to do that. No, I couldn't sleep, and I was hungry and too impatient to wait for breakfast, so I asked Robert to take a walk with me down to the vending machines."

"You could have called up the chefs in the kitchen on this floor and had something sent in here, you know."

"I know, but I didn't want to wake you and Joe and Lionel with another person pushing a food tray in here," Mia said quietly, both of us talking in whispers so we wouldn't wake our husbands.

I smiled then and touched Mia's cheek. Even after all these years as Queen of Genovia, she was still so sweet and humble and considerate of others. "You're adorable, little one," I told her. "You know that?"

"That's what my mother keeps telling me."

"Will you do me a favor, sweetheart?"

"Of course I will, if I can. You know that."

"I know you only call me 'Mommy' or 'Mama' whenever you're feeling frightened or upset and you feel you need to, and that the rest of the time, you call me 'Grandma' because it's what you're used to. But do you think you could start calling me 'Mama' more often? I love it so much when you do." Like the agreement Mia had with Joseph in calling him "Papa," Mia and I agreed that she would call me "Mama" and not "Mom" because she'd always called Helen "Mom," and we didn't want to be disrespectful to her memory.

Mia gave me a big smile and said, "I'd love to…_Mama_."

In that moment I gave her a big hug, and then I said, "I am so proud of you, little one."

"I'm really happy you feel that way."

"I always will. And I will _also _always get on your case when you start trying to push yourself too hard."

"Oh, not _that _conversation again."

"After everything that's just happened with your heart, your doctors have told you that you need to take it easy from now on. So when you get through with your snack, I want you trying to get some more rest, _not _doing paperwork like I caught you doing yesterday, and the day before, _and the day before that_. There'll be a time for you to start getting caught up on the paperwork you've missed, and now, while you are _still _in the hospital, isn't it. Understood?"

Mia smiled again and said, "Yes, ma'am. You know, you're really sweet when you're overprotective. But you're still going overboard."

"That's for _me _to decide, young lady, not you."

"Whatever you say, Mama. Anyway, I love you," she said before she kissed my cheek. "Goodnight. Or good morning, if you want to get technical."

"I love you too, little one. Sleep well."

We shared one last smile then before we went back to bed.


	10. Mia's Courage

**Chapter Ten**

_Mia_

Today was a long day for me, but it was mostly happy. I _finally _came home from the hospital, and everyone made a big fuss over me as usual, and no one more so than Grandma and Lionel. Nothing made me happier than getting to spend some serious time with Claire and Rosie at home rather than being stuck in a hospital bed. We hugged and cuddled and played for a while, and Lionel helped me settle a couple of squabbles that broke out between them, and then I read them a story as I always did before Lionel and I put them down for a nap. Lionel and Grandma wanted to do all of that for me because they thought I should be getting some rest and taking it easy, both of them being insanely overprotective of me like they typically were, but I insisted. Then I told Uncle Seb that I wanted to meet with him and with Nicholas tomorrow because my doctors were saying that I had to cut _way _back on my workload due to all my recent heart problems, and I wanted to go ahead and work that issue out between the three of us as to what duties I would be responsible for handling from now on, but he wouldn't really let me discuss it like I wanted to. He kept insisting that I had plenty of time to worry about those things later and that I should just relax now, as did Grandma and everyone else, which kind of aggravated me. I realize they meant well, but heart problems or no heart problems, I was still the Queen of Genovia and it was _still _my responsibility to take care of my country as best I could, but everybody simply _refused _to let me discuss it now.

All day long today, people have been treating me as though I'm made of glass. They've made such an enormous fuss over me, and while it meant an awful lot to me to be shown so much love and concern, it has driven me a little crazy, although I certainly didn't let them know that. I hated seeing all the people I love getting so worried about me, and I didn't want them to start thinking of me as if this heart attack's turned me into some kind of fragile glass statue that's going to just shatter into a million pieces at the slightest sign of stress. I wasn't a fool, of course. I've always known these past few years that my body has been through some pretty tough things and that my health has suffered because of it, but today, everybody practically treated me as though I were going to die tomorrow, and I haven't got the slightest intention of doing so.

But no one has known it better than I have all these years how precious life really is, and even though I intend on being here a good, long time, I also know that none of us are guaranteed another day on this earth. And at the end of today, as I was lying in bed waiting for Lionel to join me so we could go to sleep, I couldn't help but think back to another time in my life when I was made acutely aware of how precious our time here really was.

* * *

It was mid-September, 2007, a couple of months before I was attacked, when I was volunteering at the Pyrus Women's Shelter in secret. I always worked the graveyard shift three times a week, well after most everyone else in the palace had gone to sleep for the night, and on this night when I arrived, Sarah had all the volunteers assembled together in the main living area of the shelter. The shelter had a big living area with couches and a coffee table and TV, a room where the telephone hotline was kept running by volunteers twenty-four-seven, several offices, a small clinic area, restrooms, a kitchen, and plenty of bedrooms and bathrooms on the upstairs floors. When the other volunteers and I sat down together in the living area that night, we could all tell by the look on Sarah's face that something was up.

"I've asked you all in here tonight because something's happened," she said quite solemnly. "You all know our secretary, Evelyn Bounds?" Sarah asked us, and we all responded that we did. "She was attacked this morning, _viciously _attacked. She stopped off at the coffee shop near her house on her way over here, and she was held at gunpoint by a much larger man and forced by him into his car. He then took her with him to his house. The man was Earl Broderick, the husband of Vanessa Broderick, whom I'm sure you remember. She stayed here with their two sons for a while until she was able to find a job and a safe place to live and get herself and her children away from their abuser. According to a neighbor who overheard what was going on at the house and called the police, he beat Evelyn, hoping to intimidate her into giving certain information away, such as the location of this shelter and the whereabouts of Vanessa and her sons. Evelyn refused to give in, and Earl Broderick beat her to death today. She was pronounced dead at about four this afternoon." When she told us that, there were gasps heard all over the room, including mine. "As all of you know, this is not the first time something like this has happened. Over the past six months, we have lost five workers at this shelter, including Evelyn now, and they have _all _died the same way: at the hands of a boyfriend, significant other, husband, or ex-husband of a woman who has stayed at our shelter, with him trying to beat information out of them.

"When the rest of the world looks at Genovia, they see this nice, friendly, beautiful, peaceful, innocent little country. And in a lot of ways, it is. There are a lot of kindhearted people in Genovia. But you and I all know about Genovia's dirty little secret: the invisible network of abusers, men who are doctors, lawyers, priests, police officers, who act like perfect Christians in church every Sunday, who are considered by so many people they know to be upstanding members of the community, who in fact are nothing more than worthless, ruthless thugs to their wives and children behind closed doors. And when one of those abused wives works up the _tremendous_ courage it takes to start trying to get herself and her children out, all these 'upstanding pillars of the community' band together and start using their power, threatening to have her children taken away if she tries to leave, preventing her from finding a job and a new place to live, those sorts of things, to bully her into staying.

"And before Queen Mia signed the Protection Act into law, which started providing a lot more funding and established many helpful new programs for abuse victims to provide them with job opportunities and housing, those 'men's' attempts at forcing their wives into staying with them very often succeeded. But now that our Queen has really turned up the heat on abusers by providing this wealth of resources for their victims with the Protection Act, they're _feeling _the heat and they don't like it, so they're getting desperate to maintain the level of control in this country they once had. _That's _what these beatings and murders are all about. Ours is not the only shelter this is happening to, and one of the shelters in Libbet and the women's shelter in Mertz and the other women's shelter here in Pyrus are all seriously considering closing their doors for good, and other shelters in Genovia already have. Volunteers at places like this one are far and few between, because Genovia is just like a small town, and in a small town, abuse is very commonly swept under the rug. Not too many people like to think about it, much less acknowledge it exists, and those people who are willing to do so and get involved and help out, like all of you, are rare, and we need every volunteer in this war against abuse that we can _possibly _get our hands on.

"With all that being said, I have to state the obvious, here: this crisis, this _deadly _crisis, isn't going to go away. If I were to tell you all that you wouldn't be taking a risk by continuing to work here, _a grave risk_, I would be lying. Every woman and child who comes through our doors has an extremely violent husband and father, and there is a real chance that one of those husbands and fathers could be a member of this invisible network we've always talked about, who's enjoyed a lot of power for a long time; who's been able to depend on his equally powerful friends to keep him out of trouble and help him threaten his victims into staying; who now is willing to attack and even murder to try and hang on to his power. Men like Earl Broderick have very powerful allies who at this very moment are hiding them and protecting them from the police.

"But I honestly don't believe I'm telling any of you anything you didn't already know yourselves. A lot of you signed up for this job because you personally understand the hell these women and children are going through. You all signed up for this work because you wanted to roll up your sleeves and get involved so you could help ease this hellish suffering. And you all know just as well as I do that there are going to come times in this line of work that call for courage. Now is one of those times. The only way I ever intend to close our doors to all the women and children out there who _desperately _need our help is over my cold, dead body."

When Sarah said that, I saw the fiery, _fierce _determination in her eyes, and I couldn't help but remember how amazed I was by her the time we first met. When I first decided to start sneaking out of the palace at night to go somewhere to do some volunteer work, I naturally had to wear a disguise so I wouldn't be recognized, and I'd walked into her office wearing a blonde wig and big glasses. Because it was one of the first times I'd actually been _alone _outside of the palace in ages, I'd been pretty nervous and it showed, and she just put me right at ease. I'd explained to her that for personal reasons I wouldn't be able to use my own name, and she assumed it was because I had gotten out of a relationship with an abuser and was trying to stay hidden from him, but that I still wanted to give back by helping other victims, and it was understandable she'd thought that because that was the case with a lot of her volunteers. She then gave me the alias name "Angela," because she said she could tell that I was a real angel at heart. We just _immediately _clicked with one another, and we became very close relatively quickly. She was such an understanding, warm person, and incredibly easy to talk to. But on top of her love, gentleness, and warmth, she was also one of the toughest, strongest people I ever met. After trying in vain for years to help her younger sister Rachel escape from her abusive husband, she was eventually murdered by him, and that was when Sarah founded the Pyrus Women's Shelter. Ever since then, helping abuse victims escape from their abusers was her greatest passion, and I knew as I looked in her eyes that nothing but death itself would stop her from continuing her work there. I admired her with all my heart, and I knew I would gladly do anything I could to help her.

"Now," she continued, "I need to know how many of you are planning on staying here. No one will think less of you if you decide to leave, but for practical reasons, I need to know how many volunteers I'm going to have to help me run things here in the weeks and months ahead." _Everyone's _hand shot straight up when she said that, including mine. Sarah was a courageous, inspiring leader, and we all would have gladly followed her in her work there no matter what the cost.

After a tense shift at the shelter that night, I caught a few hours of sleep before starting another day of meetings, paperwork, and a session with Parliament. It wasn't until later that evening that I got a chance to really catch my breath and let the news and events of the night before sink in. As I stood alone in the palace garden that evening, taking in the beautiful sunset and the array of colors the autumn leaves were displaying, I got to thinking of how short life had been for my mother, as well as how short it had been for one of my friends. Evelyn, a lovely, kind lady I'd known for about two years, was suddenly _dead. _And I'd given Sarah my word that I was going to continue working at the Pyrus Women's Shelter, even if it meant putting my life on the line in order to do so. I had no regrets about that, of course. Sarah was one of the dearest friends I ever had and I adored her, and I knew in my heart that no matter what, I could never abandon her or the rest of my friends at the Pyrus Women's Shelter, and I _certainly _couldn't abandon all the women and children who needed the shelter to stay open.

But that didn't change the fact that I also had family to think about. As incredibly thoroughly as all my family's royal bodyguards were checked out before they were allowed to join Royal Security, I knew that the odds were miniscule of any of them being a part of the invisible network of abusers Sarah had talked about, and I knew that no matter how much power any one of those abusive husbands or boyfriends may have had, they still couldn't stand a chance against the kind of power the Genovian Royal Family wielded. And no one knew it but the Lord and myself that I was sneaking away from the palace in disguise a few nights a week to work at the shelter, but yet, it still worried me that somehow, an abuser might not just come after me, but after the people I loved the most as well.

"Good evening, Your Majesty," Lionel's voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts, and I turned around and gave him a friendly smile.

"Good evening, Lionel. What's up?" I hadn't even realized it at the time, but during my first couple of years as Queen of Genovia, Lionel and I had formed a friendship very similar to the one Grandma and Joe had had in all the years before they were married. I came to confide in him about all kinds of things.

"Nothing much on my end. But I think I can see it that something's _definitely _happening on yours. You look like you have a lot on your mind."

"Yeah, you're right. I do. It all comes with the job, I guess," I sighed.

"I know you always have an awful lot on your mind. I know it must be unbelievably hard to have an entire country's welfare resting on your shoulders. And that's why you need to talk about it whenever something heavy's going on inside, so it won't eat away at you. You know you can't give your best to Genovia if you've got something gnawing at you in your heart."

I'd opened up to Lionel quite a few times since becoming Queen and he'd really been there for me, but I didn't want to open up to him about my volunteer work because it was one of the most deeply private areas of my life. I'd decided to start working there for reasons so deep and so personal that I couldn't _begin _to imagine discussing them with anyone. But yet, with things getting as dangerous as they were now, part of me really wanted to let someone inside this part of my heart so I wouldn't be facing it alone. And I knew Lionel had a point, that as long as I had this thing just eating away at me inside, I couldn't be at my best as the Queen of Genovia, so I decided to go ahead and spill my guts a little.

"Okay, Lionel. You win. You're right. Something really heavy _is _going on. But before I go any further, I want to say that while you and I have become good friends over the past couple of years, I'm still your Queen and as your Queen, I am officially ordering you to not repeat a word of this conversation to another living soul. Is that understood?"

"Absolutely. You can trust me, Your Majesty. You know that," Lionel told me with the most reassuring look in his eyes, which I appreciated.

"Good. Now that that's over with, for the rest of this discussion, I'd really prefer it if you'd drop the titles and just call me Mia." I'd told him that in every one of the deep conversations Lionel and I had had, but he still struggled with it.

"I'll try, Your Ma–I mean…I'll try…_Mia_."

"Much better. Now I won't tell you _all _the reasons I began doing this, but about three months after I first ascended the throne, I started dressing up in a disguise and sneaking out of the palace in the middle of the night for three nights a week to go do volunteer work at the Pyrus Women's Shelter."

"Whoa! Are you _serious?_"

"I know it probably sounds a little crazy, but _yes_, I am perfectly serious."

"How in the _world _have you been able to pull something like that off? We have security cameras and guards _everywhere _in the palace watching your every move."

"_The_ _cameras _may be watching me during the night watch, but after two years of doing this, _I can promise you _the guards aren't. Thankfully for me, they're much more interested in watching their chess games than they are in watching what's happening on the palace cameras. Just like I climbed out my window to sneak away and go on that secret date with Nicholas just before my almost-wedding to Andrew Jacoby, now, I put on my blonde wig and my big glasses and I climb out my window and down the vine, and I drive off for a few hours."

"How do you get past John Woods, the security guard at the palace gates?"

"When I'm wearing my wig and glasses, I look an awful lot like our main secretary, Tracey Hoffman. And my Mustang just happens to look very similar to the car she drives, so the entire time I've been doing this, John's never suspected a thing. He's always assumed that I was Tracey and opened the gates for me without question."

"Man! We are _really _getting careless!"

"And I couldn't be more grateful. I started doing this mostly for some deeply personal reasons that I won't get into as I said, but one of the biggest perks out of all of this is that for those precious few hours three times a week, I get to put the crown and the throne and the titles and all the royal hoopla aside and just be a human being for a while. I don't have to worry about impressing anyone, or about my clumsiness or my fashion sense, or about which person I decide to have a conversation with in which room and what kind of palace gossip that might generate. I can just be plain, simple me, and I don't have to worry about living up to anyone else's expectations or being good enough to be accepted, because as long as I have a willing heart at that shelter, I'm _always _accepted and I'm _always _good enough."

"Oh, Your Majesty," Lionel sighed, and then he quickly corrected himself. "I mean, Mia. I can't pretend to know how tough it is to be a ruler and to _constantly _have your every action scrutinized by nearly every person you meet. I know the press and even some people in the palace were pretty hard on you when you first came to live here, and I know it wasn't easy for you to make the adjustment. But _please _believe me when I tell you that not _everybody _here is thinking critical thoughts of you and dissecting every tiny decision you make throughout the day. As we've all gotten to know you, we've realized what an incredibly loving, gentle lady you truly are, and you _are _loved here."

"I know I have people here who care about me, but I don't think it's a secret to anyone that I don't fully fit into this life. I never have. I decided to accept my royal title at sixteen because I've always believed the conversation I had about it with my best friend Lilly and the letter I found from my father were the Lord's ways of telling me that He meant for me to follow this path, so that I could help as many people as possible in His name. But even after five years as a princess and two years as a queen, being a royal still doesn't feel completely natural to me, certainly not as natural as I'm sure it's always been for Grandma. She was born into this life; she was raised in it. It's all she's ever known. But as for me, in my heart of hearts, I don't see myself as this regal, royal queen that I know I'm supposed to be. I still see myself as just a simple, ordinary person, nothing more. For me, royal life is like living in the ocean. I was born this clumsy, land-dwelling mammal, and Clarisse Renaldi was born this rare, gorgeous exotic fish. She was born with gills so she was always able to live and breathe underwater in the sea, and everyone wanted and expected me to change from the clumsy land-dwelling mammal I was into a similar exotic fish. I tried, but I wasn't able to come the whole way. I did adapt, and I went from being a land-dwelling mammal to being a sea-dwelling mammal, a whale."

"Well you're certainly very _small _for a whale."

"Thank you. Anyway, you know that whales don't have gills; they have lungs. They're able to live a large portion of their lives swimming around in the sea, but because they have lungs and can't breathe underwater, they _have _to come up for air _sometimes._ That's what my work at the Pyrus Women's Shelter is for me: my way of coming up for air."

"A _dangerous _way of coming up for air. Your M–Mia, every one of the women who goes to that shelter has a violent husband who may decide to go after people like you who work there, and with you going out all by yourself, that _really _puts you in a vulnerable spot. You could be attacked on your way over there when you're alone, or on your way back to the palace."

"Yeah, that's what's been on my mind lately. Things have been getting dangerous, even though there are a lot of security measures in place. These kinds of shelters keep their true locations a big secret. Women who need to get to them for help are given the number of our shelter's hotline and they call, and one of our volunteers drives out to meet them someplace, and then we drive them to the shelter. You have to even sign an agreement to keep the shelter's location confidential, as well as the code number to the shelter's security alarm system. The doors there automatically lock when they're shut, and a volunteer or one of the women staying at the shelter has to punch in the security code for them to open. But even with all the security measures the Pyrus Women's Shelter takes, a lot of volunteers have been found by these women's husbands or boyfriends, and these guys have tried to beat certain information out of them."

"Like the location of the shelter, or the current location of their wives or girlfriends who used to stay in the shelter."

"Exactly. You know Lionel, when I first ascended the throne two years ago, _I had no idea _anything like this was going on. I foolishly believed that because Genovia has always been like this small, close-knit community, abuse was a rare thing here. But it's not. Abuse is just as common in Genovia as it is in any other country in the world. And there's what Sarah Sanchez, the lady who runs the shelter, has always described as Genovia's dirty little secret: this invisible network of abusers, churchgoing 'Christian' men in prominent positions of power in the community, who are angels to people in the outside world and devils to their poor families behind closed doors, covering each other's behinds and using their power and influence to intimidate their wives into staying with them. They use their influence to prevent their wives from finding jobs and a new place to stay, and in court their attorney friends try to take away their kids. This kind of thing's been going on in Genovia for _decades._"

"But Genovia has one of the lowest rates of abuse cases in the entire world."

"That's because the abuse is _underreported_, Lionel, _not _because it doesn't exist, like most Genovians believe; like _I _once believed. And the _reason _it's underreported is because of all the cops, detectives, attorneys, and doctors in Genovia who are abusers behind closed doors and use their power to hold their wives and children hostage, in addition to enabling their abusive buddies to do the same thing to their families. There are good, kind, caring people in Genovia who volunteer in places like the Pyrus Women's Shelter and dedicate their entire lives to stopping abuse, but I've learned that tragically, for quite a few women and children in Genovia who are abused, it can be hard for them to find the help they really need in this country."

"That's why you went to my uncle and the two of you came up with the Protection Act together, and why you gave the Protection Act your royal assent."

"Yes, it is."

"Wow. Mia, I don't even know what to say, except…you are an absolutely extraordinary queen. I realize it's difficult for you, feeling like you always have to fill Queen Clarisse's shoes and feeling like you can never completely fit into this kind of world the way she has, but even though it's hard, I think it's actually a very good thing. I think your never fully adapting to this whole mentality that Queen Clarisse and a lot of royals have, holding on to your humility and getting involved in people's individual lives outside the palace in person, is actually what's making you the finest ruler Genovia has ever seen, so don't sell yourself short."

"Thank you," I said quietly, and I meant it. Lionel's words were an incredible encouragement to me, to say the least.

"However, I don't like you putting yourself in danger by going to work there."

"It's true that we've lost some amazing people over these past few months. Our secretary at the shelter was beaten to death yesterday because she refused to tell an abuser where his wife and kids were. They'd stayed at the shelter for a while before they were able to move on somewhere else, and he beat her for hours, trying to force her to give away their location and the location of the shelter. She gave her _life _to protect them, as well as all of us who live and work at the shelter."

"Man," Lionel gasped.

"After Sarah told us about Evelyn's death, she wanted to know how many of us would still be willing to volunteer there."

"_You didn't _tell her you would still come, did you?"

"_I had to_, Lionel. She needs all the help she can get, and so do the women and children in Genovia who need places like these to keep their doors open. Several shelters all over Genovia have already closed because their volunteers are getting hurt or killed just like ours are, and I can't allow that to happen to our shelter. This invisible network of abusers in Genovia is using their power and influence to track down the home addresses of volunteers like Evelyn, and then they're trying to _literally_ beat people like her and Sarah and the rest of us into submission, so we'll cave in to the fear they create and stop helping their victims. The Protection Act has provided new resources for victims, as well as new legislation that cracks down on abusers in our legal system, but it can't stop abuse by itself. _People _have to do that. People like Evelyn Bounds and Sarah Sanchez…and Mia Thermopolis."

"I think I understand, but I still don't like it."

"I'll admit that I don't like it, either. I'm really scared, but I know this is what I have to do. I just keep trying to remind myself of what my father told me in the letter he left me: courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. Sarah said last night that now is a time for courage, and she's right. I'm not scared for myself. Thanks to Jesus Christ, I know where I'm going when I die. I know I'm going to be alright whether I live a long life on this earth…or even if something happens to me and I don't. It's the people I love that I'm worried about.

"Even though I know it's highly unlikely, it kind of does worry me that someone on the palace staff might actually be an abuser who is _very _well disguised. And if we do have anybody like that working here and they should somehow discover what I'm doing, what if they attack the people I love in order to punish me? Or if I get attacked and killed like Evelyn did, will Grandma and Joe be able to handle it? They've both already lost a child. Joe and I have never actually come out and said it before, but over the years, he's really become the father I never had, and I know he feels the same way about me. And I know it's meant a great deal to Grandma to have a grandchild in her life after losing my dad."

"First of all, you do _not _have to worry about someone on staff here being an abuser in disguise because _nobody _does more thorough background checks on people than I do, okay?" I knowingly smiled at him, because _everybody _that knew Lionel knew just how true that really was. When it came to doing background checks, he was the absolute best. "When you're here with all of us, you are in the safest, most secure place in the entire country, and so are the people you love. I promise you.

"And second of all, _nothing _is going to happen to you, because I'll always be there to protect you. Since volunteering at the shelter is so important to you, instead of you sneaking away in the middle of the night to go to work there, I'll go with you from now on. It'll be a lot safer that way. It'll be our secret."

I looked him straight in the eye in that moment, and I told him, "No. Believe me, Lionel, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I appreciate it with all my heart. But as the Queen of Genovia, it is my job to look out for the best interests of my people, and that includes you. I have to do this because I owe it to my people to get personally involved in helping them with their pain and struggles in any way that I can, but I won't let you endanger yourself because of me."

"Mia, that's my job. That's what you pay me to do. I would be neglecting my duty to you if I just stood by and watched you put yourself in a dangerous situation without being there with you to protect you. But even if it weren't my job, I would still go with you because you're too dear to me for me to abandon you in a time like this."

"You've never abandoned me, and you're not abandoning me now. You're following the wishes of your Queen, and your friend. Even though he died a couple of months before my sixteenth birthday, I essentially lost my father when he left Mom and me for Genovia not long after I was first born. And I just lost my mother last year. I can't bear the thought of something happening to another person I really care about. I can't put you at risk. _I won't._"

"Hey, nothing is going to happen to me. If I'm in a dangerous situation, I know how to take care of myself. You don't ever have to worry about that."

"I'm sorry Lionel, but the answer is still no. This is something I have to do on my own. And as both your Queen and your friend, I have to do what I think is in your best interests, just like I have to look out for the best interests of every Genovian."

"Well I really wish you'd let _me _decide what's in my best interests instead of you."

"If you were ruling Genovia, you could. But that's not the case. It's true that every adult in this country is responsible for themselves, but as the Queen, I have the greater responsibility. And the answer to your request is no, and that is final." As I said those words, I could clearly see it in Lionel's face how he _hated _my decision, and I knew that he only hated my decision as much as he did because of how deeply he cared for me. I knew my decision to continue going to the Pyrus Women's Shelter by myself really, _really _worried him, and although my love for him at the time was just platonic, his obvious concern for me only made me love him that much more.

Lionel then took out his pistol, and held it out for me. "You told me the bodyguard you had while you were in college taught you how to properly handle a gun, right?" he asked me.

"That's true; he did. What are you saying? That you want me to take your gun with me the next time I go to do my volunteer work?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Lionel, I–"

"You said it yourself that things are really getting dangerous now for volunteers at these women's shelters, _and I will not _allow you to be out all by yourself in the middle of the night at a time like this without _some _form of protection. And on top of that, I want to be transferred to the night watch so I can make sure you've made it back home safely on the nights that you'll be away from the palace."

"I'll talk to Shades in the morning and have you transferred to the night watch, but that's as far as I go. You are _not _going with me, and I am _not _bringing a loaded gun near a shelter that's full of little children."

"You can keep the safety on and lock it in your car."

"_No. _There are so many stories out there about accidents with guns and little kids getting killed, and I won't take that kind of a chance. I realize you're only trying to keep me protected, but the answer is no, so put away your gun. _Now._"

Lionel let out a frustrated sigh in that moment and did as I said. Then he gave me a very long hug, kissed the top of my head, and said, "You are worrying me to death with this. But I want you to know that I'm always here for you. And if you change your mind about going by yourself, I won't hesitate to go with you. Not for a moment."

"I know," I told him just before our hug ended, and then I stared at the beautiful scenery around me. "Just look at all these colors around us, Lionel. Look at all the autumn leaves, and the colors in the sky. Before all of this happened at the shelter and before my mother died, I would've taken an autumn sunset like this for granted. But never again. Now, I'm going to stand here and I'm going to enjoy and appreciate every second of it."

"And I'll stay by your side and appreciate it with you," Lionel told me as he took my hand, which like the hug, I found pretty comforting. "Everything's going to be alright. Just remember, you're not alone in this. And once again, I will _gladly _start coming with you if you change your mind."

"Thank you, love," I whispered, and then I gave his hand a good squeeze to let him know how much I appreciated what he was saying. And after that, we simply watched the autumn sunset together in silence.

* * *

"Hey baby, you didn't have to wait up for me," Lionel said as he walked out of the bathroom after his shower. "You should have just gone to sleep."

Just before he got into bed, I smiled and told him, "I wanted to."

"Well, you need to be getting plenty of rest after a big day like today, your first day out of the hospital and all. Let's turn out the lights, huh?"

In that moment, I wanted to tell Lionel just how much he's meant to me all these years. I wanted to say something to thank him for always being there to help me when I needed it, and for being such an amazing friend to me on top of being an amazing husband. I tried to find all the right words, but I could only think of four simple ones.

"Lionel," I said, "I love you."

"Oh, Mia, I love you, too," Lionel whispered, and then he gave me a big, loving kiss before we turned out the lights and went to sleep.


	11. November 28, 2007

Note to readers: The following chapter contains violent scenes which may be disturbing and triggering to survivors of abuse. **PLEASE** proceed with caution. Thank you.

**Chapter Eleven**

_Lionel_

Over these past couple of weeks that Mia's been home from the hospital, she's been so anxious to just pick back up with her life where she left off before her second heart attack. While she's certainly spent plenty of time with Claire and Rosie and me, she's also spent a lot of time pushing herself too hard when it came to her work, just as always. Although Clarisse and Joe and I have tried to get her to take it easy, she's still remained determined to do as much work as possible.

Mia and Uncle Seb and Lord Devereaux recently sat down together and discussed it, and they all decided that the best course of action would be for Lord Devereaux to take over the majority of Mia's work for her from now on as both head of government and head of state, and for Mia to simply do whatever work she felt up to doing. She could still do the same work with Uncle Seb that she did before, working on bills with him to propose to Parliament, and it would still be her decision as to whether or not to give royal assent to a bill or to veto it, but in times where she wasn't well enough to do those things, Lord Devereaux would step in and take over for her, and in fact, it was no secret to any of us that he _would _be stepping in a lot more often now.

And Mia actually felt that since Lord Devereaux would be doing most of the work of ruling these days, she should abdicate and let him ascend the throne in her place, but he adamantly refused. He told her that in the heart of every Genovian, she would always be their Queen, and he also told her that if he became Genovia's ruler in her place, the whole country would have a riot. And although I've never been the biggest fan of Nicholas Devereaux, I couldn't have agreed with him more. Even though Mia couldn't do as much work as she used to, she's always been Genovia's version of Princess Diana, and just as Camilla Parker Bowles didn't _dare _assume the title of "Princess" in England when she married Prince Charles, Nicholas Devereaux knew better than to assume the title of "King" in Genovia.

And there were some very good reasons why Genovia has been so fiercely loyal to its Queen all these years. Just as Princess Diana was known as "The People's Princess" in England, in Genovia, Mia has been known as "The People's Queen" for quite a long time, and it's a title she's more than earned. No Genovian ruler before her has put as much time, effort, and energy into _really _getting out there and getting to know the Genovian people and listen to their needs, wants, and concerns as Mia has, not even Clarisse. And no Genovian ruler before her has sacrificed as much for the Genovian people as Mia has either. And I will _never_ forget the sacrifice Mia made on November 29, 2007.

* * *

It all actually began the night before, which was Wednesday, November 28, 2007. After about a week of my relentless attempts at persuasion, I eventually wore Mia down and convinced her to start letting me accompany her to the Pyrus Women's Shelter every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night when she snuck out of the palace. I never convinced her to let me carry my pistol with me, but it still made me feel a lot better knowing that she wasn't going to be out all by herself in the middle of the night. And even though I hated to do it, I also disobeyed Mia's orders and had a long talk with Shades about what she'd been doing, because I really wanted someone else in Royal Security to know what was going on in case something went wrong while we were away from the palace. I got him to swear himself to secrecy, thank goodness, but if something did happen to us while we were gone, I knew at least somebody there could start trying to track us down and send in reinforcements.

But while I still had my worries about the security side of things, I had to admit that as a Christian and as a man, _I learned a lot _in those weeks that I worked with Mia at the Pyrus Women's Shelter. It's never come as any surprise to me that the rest of the world hates Christians with a vengeance because as Christ, Himself explained in the Bible, the world hated Him first. But it didn't take me very much time of working there at all to also learn the tragic fact that much of the time, many professing Christians give the rest of the world _very good reasons _to hate us.

There were _so _many battered and abused women and children there whose churches and fellow "Christians" had only _enabled _their abusers, causing the abuse to continue going on for years, sometimes _decades. _It seems that there were _tons _of professing Christians in Genovia who, when confronted with abuse, resorted to blaming victims for causing the abuse and telling them that Bible verses instructing wives to submit to their husbands and children to honor their parents meant that no matter what an abusive husband and father did, they had to stay and take it and suffer. They loved to twist the verses about loving one's enemies and forgiving seventy times seven to enable abusers to keep abusing their families without ever having to face any consequences for it, and instead of confronting abusers and holding them accountable for their actions, they just preached at the wives and children to submit to and honor their abusers and keep forgiving them, _even if they never showed any repentance for their evil actions. _In those weeks I worked with Mia at the Pyrus Women's Shelter, what I saw there had _nothing _to do with what was true Christianity, but was instead a _sickening and appalling _perversion of it in which evil was honored, submitted to, and allowed to flourish while innocent victims suffered _with absolutely no relief from "Christians" whatsoever. _

And while I'd always loved my Uncle Seb and my Aunt Sheila, it wasn't until I started working at that shelter that I began to appreciate just how blessed by God I'd really been. When Seb had seen that my father had no intention of giving up alcohol and that I was being neglected as a small child, _he'd _had the guts to step in _and do something about it _before any significant psychological damage was done to me. He got me out of that environment when I was very, very young, and thanks to Uncle Seb and Aunt Sheila, I enjoyed a very stable, happy, healthy family life, and I'd been shown what _real _Christianity actually looked like, rather than the sickening imitation that allowed and enabled abuse.

And although Uncle Seb and Aunt Sheila and I had been going to a small Methodist church my whole life, after seeing what I saw at that shelter, I _well _understood the controversial decision Mia made about a year into her reign to stop attending _any _church at all and to simply attend a small Bible study session her Uncle Pierre held when he wasn't away on missionary trips. I had absolutely no doubts whatsoever that when it came to being a Christian, Mia _was _the real deal, and I think it was actually _because _of her true faith in Christ that she could no longer be a part of the institution of church that was so consistently heartless to abuse victims. And as a born-again Christian myself, I personally applauded her decision. She naturally caught plenty of heat for it in the press and was frequently accused of turning her back on her faith in Jesus by many professing "Christians," but despite what people said, she stuck to her guns and stood by her decision and I admired that. It was never Christ she was turning her back on, but rather, a "church" where Catholics let their priests get away with sexually abusing children in their congregations and Protestant evangelicals told abused wives and children to go back home and submit to their abusive husbands and honor their abusive parents. In _both _systems, evil was enabled and honored and victims were _crushed. _Mia helped me remember that the _true _Christian Church was about _the_ _people, not the institution or the church building._

Shortly after Mia and I arrived at the shelter that night, we soon got a good, hard look at the latest crushed victims of the monstrosity that passed as "church" in Genovia and the rest of the world. Penny Hastings was a tall, slim lady with blonde hair and blue eyes, with two lovely daughters, Erica and Ashley, who were ages twelve and ten and were both the image of their mother. When they came into the shelter with Sarah that night, who had picked them up and driven them there, Penny had bruises all over, but even though the girls' wounds were invisible, we would soon learn that it was Erica and Ashley who had been hurt the worst.

"Jennifer, you need to get these girls into one of the exam rooms," Sarah instructed Dr. Jennifer Wilson, a lovely, average-sized black lady. "_Now. _They've just been raped."

The rest of us didn't say anything, but we _all _felt like we'd been kicked in the gut.

"Who did it? Their father?" asked Terri Chen, a small-sized twenty-year-old girl of Asian descent.

"Who else?!" Sarah replied in disgust. "Danielle, as you can see, Penny has multiple bruises and cuts," she said to Danielle Finch, a short, heavyset lady with dark hair who volunteered there as a registered nurse. "She needs to be taken to an exam room and cared for as well."

"Of course. Right this way, Penny," she said as she led her back to the clinic area of the shelter.

"I'm going to go back and be with the girls while Jennifer examines them," Mia announced, and then she left.

"And I'll stay with Penny," Sarah said as she left as well, leaving me behind with Terri Chen and the only other male volunteer there, a black, muscular twenty-year-old young man named Ben James.

"And _that _is why you could never pay me to set foot inside another church, even though I am a Christian," Ben said. His mother had actually been murdered by his abusive father when he was little, and thanks to Genovia's invisible network of abusers, he'd gotten off scot-free. He'd been living on his own since he was sixteen, and Sarah had really taken him under her wing through the years.

"And _that _is why I'm a proud atheist," Terri announced, which really made my heart ache. She had a similar story to Ben, and had managed to leave home and live on her own ever since she was seventeen. "_What is it _with you Christians being stuck back in the 1800s?! Men having all the power, women and children being subhuman objects? Men getting all these automatic privileges in marriages and families to make all the decisions and abuse the people they claim to love, and getting away with it because some book written thousands of years ago by a bunch of sexists tells wives to submit to their husbands and children to honor their parents? _It's insane!_"

"The problem is not with the Bible itself," I attempted to explain. "The problem is how abusers with a selfish agenda and their enablers twist Scripture to suit their own desires. If you pull a Bible verse out of context, you can make Scripture say anything you want it to say. Abusive husbands and fathers who are _professing _Christians, _not real _Christians in my book, love to harp on the Bible verses you were just talking about, but what they _don't _talk about are the verses telling husbands to put their wives before themselves even to the point of sacrificing their lives for their benefit if necessary; or the verses where parents are told not to provoke their children to wrath and not to embitter their children; or the verses where Jesus says it would be better for a person to die rather than do anything to harm a child."

"He's right," Ben agreed. "The problem is not _true _Christianity, but _sloppy _Christianity; the kind of 'Christianity' that says abuse victims have to be reconciled with their abusers as long as they say they're sorry and shed a few tears _and never show one ounce of true repentance. _Repentance _is not _crying a bunch of crocodile tears. Abusers are _experts _at that. True repentance for an abuser means not only confessing that what they did was wrong, but respecting their victims enough to respect their boundaries. If their victims feel too hurt and frightened by them to stay in contact with them, true repentance means respecting those wishes and backing off, _permanently _if necessary. It means doing _everything _humanly possible to help them in _any _way, such as helping the wife get a new job and a new place to live, as well as giving up all rights to custody of the kids they abused. And these days, sadly, there's a whole lot of Christians out there, or rather, _professing _Christians, who are just plain _stupid _when it comes to abuse and true repentance, and many of them _choose _to be stupid about it because stupidity is more comfortable. They just want the nice little happy ending, all is forgiven, everybody's back together again, all wrapped up in a pretty little package with a cute little red bow, even if the abuser never had _any intention _of repenting and just wanted his wife and kids back because he wanted his power back."

"I'm sorry, but I'll never be able to forgive all the 'Christians' who kept putting these insane ideas in Penny's head that her husband's abuse was her fault because she wasn't being submissive enough. I'll always hate them for telling her that talking about the abuse would be disrespecting her husband, and for telling her poor kids that reporting the abuse would be breaking the Fifth Commandment and dishonoring their father. _The whole thing is sick!_"

"I couldn't agree with you more, Terri," I told her.

"Me neither," Ben agreed.

"_And now _look where their Christianity has gotten them: beaten and raped. _How many times _did Penny go to all her other 'Christian' friends for help?! _How many times _did she go to her church, to her pastor?! And _what _did they tell her again and again and again every time her husband turned on the crocodile tears?!"

"Go home, submit to the snake, and forgive him. I know," Ben said sadly.

"And when Penny stayed here, no matter how hard I or you guys or Sarah or Angie or any of the rest of us tried to undo all that religious brainwashing and tell her God wasn't going to send her to hell for protecting herself and her kids, we couldn't! _We tried so hard _to undo all the _crap _they did to her mind with all this submission garbage, but the garbage stuck and _who _has to pay the ultimate price? _Her kids! _For _every _so-called 'Christian' that fed her all that _crap _that she had to stay with a man who abused her kids, what has happened tonight is _their fault!_"

"You're right, Terri," I said. "_It is _their fault for enabling abusers by preaching her and her girls the false messages that men are above women and that parents have more value in God's eyes than children do and that marriages and parent/child relationships are supposed to be some kind of constant one-way street in favor of abusers. _You are absolutely right. _And Ben and I and _every _real Christian is just as angry about this kind of atrocity as you are."

"_Then why don't more of you do something about it?!_"

"Because there's probably a lot more _professing _Christians in this world, fake and phony hypocrites who like to go on about what 'Christians' they are when they're really not, than there are _real _Christians like Lionel and me and Sarah and Angie, and a lot of other workers here," Ben said.

"But at least _we're _here," I told Terri. "And maybe this time, we can _finally _help Penny and Erica and Ashley to stay free from this monster for good."

"She's tried before, but her husband's buddies in the good ole invisible network have always managed to track them down in the past, and he's always been able to manipulate her into going back to him," said Terri.

"You know, before I started working here a few weeks ago, sadly, I was pretty guilty of looking down on abused women for not leaving, especially if they had kids," I admitted. "_I never _took it into consideration the emotional impact of hearing someone telling you _constantly_ for years or even decades how worthless and ugly and stupid you are and how you'll never stand a chance out in the world by yourself. And I _certainly _never stopped to think about all the women out there who had tried to escape from their abusers in the past but didn't succeed, whose abusers went on to beat not just them but their kids as punishment."

"Or all the women whose families actually side with their abusers over them and refuse to do _anything _to help them when they try to get out," Ben added.

"Before I started volunteering here, I couldn't imagine that happening," I said. "But after seeing what's been happening with Penny's sexist family, I know better. We're in the twenty-first century, yet we still have so many people who really do believe that marriage turns a woman into an object for a man to selfishly use all the time. Nobody who claims to be a Christian will ever say anything like that, of course, but their actions and the way they treat abused women like Penny is proof that in their hearts, that's what they truly believe. And as a Christian, I am so ashamed of all the people out there who call themselves Christians and live with this kind of mindset. _Penny's own 'Christian' parents _have _seen _the bruises on their daughter with their own eyes, and _know _they have two granddaughters in danger, yet they do _nothing_ because they honestly believe her husband has the _right _to treat his family like this. In so many Christian circles, it's like it's 5000 B.C. when women were chattel."

"_Women were never chattel, Lionel,_" Terri corrected me. "Women were _always _human beings and so were children, _regardless _of whether or not a bunch of pathetic sexists ever recognized it."

"You are absolutely right, Terri. I'm so sorry I worded it like that. What I _meant _to say was that things even in a lot of first-world countries like Genovia are today like they were thousands of years ago when women and children were _considered _to be chattel, not that they ever _were _chattel."

"Thank you."

"Of course, and thank you for correcting me. I shouldn't have worded it that way."

"You bet."

In that next moment, all hell started breaking loose. Five tall, muscular men with guns threw bricks through the glass doors of the shelter and broke inside. Four of them were white and one was black, and they'd all shaved their heads bald and were obviously bodybuilders. Even to a bodyguard like me, they looked intimidating.

"Where's Gracie Knight?!" the tallest guy demanded to know, and Terri, Ben, and I were too stunned to really say anything. Then he held his gun up in the air and fired it and yelled, "_Where is she?!_"

"What is going on in here?!" Sarah asked after she ran back into the room with Mia, Jennifer, and Danielle. They'd instructed Penny, Erica, and Ashley to stay behind in one of the exam rooms.

"Dear Lord!" Danielle gasped.

"I'm Dennis Knight, and I've come here for my wife, and for my kids. And if you don't bring them out here to me _now, _I'm going to start shooting people."

"Gracie and the kids aren't here anymore," Mia told him, and then Knight started angrily stomping his way towards her, and I walked over to where Mia was standing and got in front of her.

"Just what do you think you're doing?!" Knight snapped.

"I'm not going to let you hurt Angela," I answered.

He laughed out loud then and said, "You're not going to _let me _hurt Angela?! Who's got the gun, and four of the strongest men in Genovia backing him up?"

Of course I was very afraid in that instant, not so much for my life as I was for Mia's, but I knew I couldn't show it, so I just gave him my best cold, hard stare and told him, "Listen, if you want to do anything to her, you and your buddies and your guns are going to have to go through me first."

"Alright then; I will!" he yelled, and before I had a chance to react, he gave me a hard punch and knocked me out cold.

When I came to about half an hour later, I found that I was tied up in a chair in the big office in the back where we ran the hotline from, along with Mia, Sarah, Ben, Terri, Jennifer, and Danielle. It was the largest of the offices on the first floor, and it had several tables, chairs, and many telephones, only now all the chairs had been rearranged in a circle and we were all facing each other. I immediately noticed that Mia's face had several bruises, which _infuriated _me, although I don't know who I was angrier at: the piece of garbage that would _dare _to strike my Queen, or myself for failing to protect her. I also noticed the bruises on several of the women, including Sarah and Terri, as well as the fact that Ben was bruised worst of all and seemed to be barely conscious.

"What happened?" I asked them.

"The second after Knight knocked you unconscious, Ben rushed over and started hitting him, and then Knight and his gang started beating him, and we started fighting too to try to protect Ben," Mia explained.

"While Angie and the others were in the fight, trying to help Ben out, I tried to call for help on my cell phone," said Sarah. "But one of them saw me and grabbed it out of my hand, and then after they beat Ben to the point where he couldn't fight anymore, Knight fired another shot into the air and said that if we didn't stop trying to fight them, they would start killing people, so the fighting stopped."

"Then Knight told his thugs to take our cell phones and our purses and wallets and all our cash, and they did," Terri said. "And after that, Knight sent his thugs upstairs to look for his wife and kids. When they couldn't find them, Knight had them bring everybody downstairs at gunpoint. All the women and children staying here are being held in the living area at gunpoint. While Knight's thugs were rounding everybody up, Knight made us come in here and move the chairs around, and he tied all of us up."

"Gracie Knight and her kids left the shelter weeks ago," I said. "They're long gone."

"Yes, but we have remained in contact with her," Mia pointed out to me in a whisper. "Some of us know her new phone number and address."

"And according to Knight, if we don't give out that information, and soon, he's going to start killing people, starting with the children," Sarah said, and then tears started coming to her eyes. "I think deep down in my gut, I always knew this day would come, when that wretched network of monsters would finally find its way here."

As I looked into Mia's eyes in that moment, sitting across from her in the circle, I could see her fighting off tears and I knew she was blaming herself for this inside. Ever since she started working at the shelter and first learned the truth about Genovia's dirty little secret, she'd started extensive background checks of cops, doctors, lawyers, and pretty much anybody in Genovia with a powerful position in an attempt to weed the abusers out of the system as much as possible. As Queen of Genovia, Mia had actively promoted volunteerism as much as possible, especially at shelters like Sarah's, and she'd helped raise a great deal of money for these kinds of shelters as well. Mia had done absolutely everything within her power to rid Genovia of its dirty little secret once and for all, and I knew that what was happening was in no way her fault, which was why it hurt me so much to see it in her face how she was blaming herself. This system of abuse had been around longer than Mia and I had even been alive, and because it had been around for so long, it was even more politically powerful than she was, even though she was the Queen.

"Monsters, huh?" said Knight as he stomped into the room and pulled up a chair in the circle and took a seat. "So you think we're monsters? _I'll tell you _who the real monsters are. The _real _monsters are man-hating, man-eating feminists like you and that pathetic excuse we have for a ruler. Monsters are people who convince weak, sniveling wenches like my wife that they're being abused just because their husbands are real men who run their own homes the way they ought to be run, and that they have the right to take our kids away from us for weeks, _months _at a time. No child should have to go _four months _without seeing their father. My kids _want _to see their daddy again, and it's _monsters like you _that are preventing that." Then he held up his gun and said, "Well _nobody _is going to prevent it much longer. My kids are getting their father back. _Soon._"

"Your kids," Mia said in disgust. "_Your kids?! _Give me a break! _You are not _concerned about your kids! Your wife, your son, and your three daughters came in here four months ago _covered _in bruises. You're obviously the bodybuilder. _You _tell_ me _how those bruises got there." The instant she said that I was filled with fear of what he might do to her. And sure enough, in that next moment, he walked up to her and punched her across the face as hard as he could, and her glasses fell off her face and blood started dripping from her nose and mouth, while horrified gasps were heard all over the room.

"_Stop it!_" I yelled. "_Leave her alone! _If you want to hit somebody, tough guy, hit me, but leave the women out of this!"

"Oh, look what we have here: a traitor. A male feminist. Just what I need! Boy, you've been brainwashed by all the feminists in this world. The only way a woman will _ever _respect you is if you teach her to respect your fists first. Otherwise, women'll only take advantage of you and make all the decisions, and you'll be nothing but weak, worthless silly putty in their hands. Obviously, our Queen's daddy was never around to teach her a lesson like a real man would have, or we wouldn't have all this crap to contend with from the Protection Act. If it weren't for Mia Thermopolis, the women of this country would still know their place."

"Wrong! If it weren't for _your _choices and the choices of a lot of creeps like you in this country to commit acts of violence against your families, then _they _wouldn't feel the need or the desire to use the resources provided to them by the Protection Act to get away from all of you in the first place!" I yelled at him. He then responded by punching me in the face as well. I responded by telling Knight, "You beat up and abuse your wife and kids, and you attack an innocent young woman who is tied down to a chair with no hope of defending herself, and then you hit another person who's tied down and also unable to defend himself. Wow! What a man!"

In that next second, he held his pistol to my temple and told me, "One more word, wise guy, and you're dead. You got that?" Naturally, I said nothing and responded instead with a simple nod.

For the next couple of hours, Knight and the others continued to terrorize everyone in the shelter. They got in our faces, yelled, and threatened, and they threatened the women and children they were holding in the living area also. And if someone said something that angered them, like Mia and me, they too got a bloody nose or a bloody lip, or the threat of a gun held to his or her head. Finally though, it all came to a head when Knight and one of his accomplices, Fred Ashland, came back in the office where we were and started arguing.

"We're not getting _anywhere_, man," Ashland complained to Knight. "It's been two hours. We may have friends who are cops and police detectives in high places, but they can only hold the rest of law enforcement off for so long. Eventually they _will _discover what's going on and the shelter's location and show up here. Then what do we do?"

"They'll crack, Fred. I know they will. They just need a little more time, and maybe a little more incentive," Knight replied…just before holding the gun to Danielle's head. "Maybe I just have to kill one or two of you first, or maybe one of the women or one of the children."

Despite the fact that she was understandably terrified, Danielle looked him in the eye and told him, "Go ahead! Kill me! I'd rather die anyway than put Gracie and her children back in that hellish existence they used to have with you!"

"As you wish–" he said as he got ready to pull the trigger, but Mia stopped him.

"Wait!" she cried out. "Stop! I can help you."

Sarah and the others gave her alarmed looks, as did I, but for different reasons. The others may have feared that Mia was going to crack and give out Gracie's personal information, but I knew Mia better than that. _I knew _she was up to something, that she'd formed some kind of plan in her mind, and my gut instinct didn't like it one bit.

"You're going to tell me where my wife and kids are?"

"I can't. I don't have that information. But what _I do have _are connections."

"Connections?"

"Yes. I don't go around advertising this, but I'm actually from a very wealthy family, and my family and I have connections with some of the most powerful people in Genovia. Let's just face facts, here. Regardless of whether you start killing people or not, you are _not _going to have an easy road ahead of you. If you follow through with your threats and start killing people here, _especially _if you start killing children, no matter _how _many buddies you may have in high places in our legal system, there's still a chance you could go to trial, be found guilty of murder, and get life in prison or maybe even the death penalty. And even if you don't do any more harm to anybody here than you've already done to us, the longer our hotline stays down and the longer you hold us hostage, the greater the possibility is that the police eventually will catch on to the fact that something's not right here and start trying to find our shelter's location, once again, _regardless_ of how many friends in law enforcement you may have. And you could still wind up doing time because of everything you've done. You _are _running that risk. Your best bet is for someone as well-connected as I am to use her connections to track down your family's whereabouts, and to use her connections to keep you and your friends out of trouble. With my connections, I do have the ability to do that for you."

"Is that a fact?" he asked her, although it was obvious he was skeptical.

"Yes, it is."

"Just how well-connected are you?" he questioned.

"I'm on a first-name basis with the Queen," Mia answered, and then he and Ashland instantly laughed out loud.

"Boy, Angela, you must _really _take me for a fool, or be one yourself as women always are."

"You know, speaking of the Queen, now _there _is a woman who's a fool!" Ashland said with a laugh, which made me want to knock his lights out, among other things. "Mia Thermopolis should watch it. She's really made a lot of men in this country angry. She's messed a lot of things up for a lot of people."

"What I wouldn't give to have just five minutes alone with that _pathetic_, _stupid_ woman! I'd teach her a lesson she'd never forget!"

"What if I _could _get the Queen in here?" Mia asked Knight.

"Angela, _no!_" I whispered. By now I was frantic inside because I had some idea of what Mia was trying to do.

"What are you talking about?" asked Knight.

"Let's just say, hypothetically speaking, that I did have the ability to give you some time alone with the Queen like you wanted. If I could do that for you, would you let everybody go?"

"Yeah, I would. I'd give anything to get revenge on that stupid, worthless little twit for taking my family away from me. But let's face facts, here. Even if you are telling the truth about being wealthy and having a lot of connections which I doubt, no matter _how _well-connected you are, there is _no way _you or _anybody _could possibly get the Queen of Genovia in here, so stop wasting my time!" Knight yelled as he struck Mia across the face once again.

"Stop it!" I yelled. "If you want to hit somebody, _you hit me! _You leave Angie out of this!"

"Take my wig off!" Mia cried out. "You said you'd give anything for the chance to get revenge on the Queen of Genovia, even if that meant giving up your hostages, right? Well, you're about to get what you wanted. _Take my wig off._" Despite the blows to her head and face she'd suffered, her wig had still stayed on because Mia had done an extremely good job of securing it to her head since she had no intention of ever losing her disguise while she was outside the palace.

"Angela, _no!_" I said.

"Do it!" Knight ordered Ashland. "Take off the wig."

"This is dumb. What? Are you expecting to take it off and find that it's the Queen of Genovia underneath that wig?"

"_I said do it!_" Knight yelled.

"Wait! Stop!" I said.

"Why shouldn't we take off your girlfriend's wig? What are you so afraid of?" Knight asked me.

In that next moment, Ashland painfully ripped the blonde wig off Mia's head, and everyone in that room saw it that the volunteer known as "Angela" really was the Queen of Genovia.

"I don't believe it," Terri gasped.

"It _is _the Queen," Sarah whispered in shock.

A few seconds later, Ashland started swearing at Knight, and then he yelled at the remaining three accomplices to come into the room to see it for themselves that they had, in fact, played a part in committing crimes against the reigning Queen of Genovia.

"_I am out of here, man!_" Ashland hollered at Knight. "I'm out of here! I am _done! _I am _not _getting the death penalty for you!"

"Neither am I!" yelled Al Lockton, the black man in Knight's group. "Doing _anything _to hurt the Queen is national treason, and if you get charged with committing treason in this country, _you're dead! _I might have been willing to do a little time to help you get your kids back, man, _but I will not die!_"

The other two accomplices echoed their agreement, and then they let the women and children in the living area go, but just as Ashland was about to start untying all of us, Knight stopped him.

"_So what _if we get the death penalty for treason?" he asked him as the other accomplices walked back into the room. "Have you guys forgotten what she's done, not just to my family but to all of yours as well? If it weren't for this pathetic excuse for a woman, we'd still have our kids today! _Why shouldn't _we take this opportunity to get revenge? How many of you haven't _yearned _for a chance like this? _Why not take it?!_" Lockton shook his head and left, but the other three stayed.

"Yeah, you're right," said Ashland. "She hurt us more than anybody else in our entire lives. Now it's time for her to get some of it back. It's time Her Majesty, the Queen of Idiots, was put back in her place again, once and for all."

The other two agreed, and Knight said, "It's time for her to learn a lesson."

"Wait!" I shouted. "Take me! Take me instead of the Queen!"

"Stop it, Lionel!" Mia told me, but I couldn't stop trying to protect her. I loved her too much.

"You're right, you see. Uh…Mia and I haven't made our relationship public, but the truth of the matter is, I am her boyfriend," I lied. Mia and I were still just friends with each other at that point. "And because her father's gone, I'm the only man in her life, so I accept complete responsibility for what she's done to your families with the Protection Act. I know you believe it's up to men to control the women in their lives, and I should have done a better job of controlling my girlfriend. So let _me _accept the punishment."

"Lionel, I know you're only trying to protect me, but just stop it! I am a grown adult and I am the ruler of this country, and _I _am responsible for everything I do, _not _my father or my boyfriend or any other man in my life. When it comes to dishing out punishment and revenge, take all your hatred out on me and on _me alone._"

"Fellas, you heard the lady. If she wants to be an independent feminist type of gal, I say we let her. Untie her and carry her upstairs to one of the bedrooms. Let's show her what happens to women in this world who are men-hating, independent feminists!"

"No, wait! Stop! Leave her alone! Take me instead!" I yelled, but it made no difference as they obeyed Knights orders and untied her and carried her upstairs to one of the bedrooms.

For the next three and a half hours, my friends and I listened in horror as Mia screamed and cried out in _agonizing _pain time and time again.

* * *

When I walked into our suite tonight, I found Mia sitting at her desk once again, buried in paperwork and exhausted. She'd folded her arms on the desk and laid her head down. Even though she'd only been out of the hospital a couple of weeks and had several heart problems, she was still stubbornly determined to do as much work as she possibly could for her country, like the fine queen that she was. As I watched her sleeping, my mind was haunted with memories of her terrible screams that night, and when I looked back on all the hell her body had been through, it was _no wonder _she needed to sleep. Like Clarisse and Joe, I just wanted to make the burdens she had to bear as light as I possibly could. I wanted to take away every ounce of the pain she suffered, and I wanted her to know nothing but happiness and love. I was determined to do everything in my power as a husband to make that evil night nothing more but a very, _very _distant memory in Mia's mind that no longer had the ability to hurt her.

I wrapped my arms around Mia's shoulders and woke her with a kiss on her cheek, and she sat up and looked up at me with a smile.

"Hey, Stud," Mia told me sleepily, and I returned her smile.

"Now you quit trying to turn me on," I teased her and she laughed. "You know you're still recovering from a heart attack."

"Well I personally wish everyone would stop going on about it so much. I've been home from the hospital for two weeks now. I think it is high time for us all to just put it behind us and move on with our lives."

"Now, you can't blame the people who love you for wanting to look out for you. And besides, you _are _supposed to be taking it easy. And I don't think working so long that you fall asleep at your desk from exhaustion qualifies as taking it easy."

"I was just taking a quick catnap, Lionel. That's all. I wasn't 'falling asleep from exhaustion.' I was simply taking a little break."

"Mia, sweetheart, it's almost nine o'clock. What do you say we take a break that's at least eight hours long, hmm?"

After a yawn, Mia replied, "Okay. I think I'll go along with that."

We shared a long kiss in that moment, and then we went to bed. And I held her close to me all night long.


	12. November 29, 2007

Note to readers: The following chapter contains violent scenes which may be disturbing and triggering to survivors of abuse. **PLEASE** proceed with caution. Thank you.

**Chapter Twelve**

_Joseph_

When Clarisse and I heard Mia crying out in her suite tonight, which was directly across the hall from ours, we both sat straight up in bed.

"Oh, no," Clarisse gasped. "She's having a nightmare. Come on, Joseph. Let's go."

"I'm right behind you, darling," I assured her as we both got out of bed and rushed across the hall into Mia's suite. It had been a pretty long time since Mia had struggled with terrifying nightmares in which she relived the events of November 29, 2007, but she did still have them occasionally, and when she did, it was an absolutely awful experience. As a daddy, I gladly would have given anything if I could take Mia's nightmares and pain and hellish experiences for her. As we hurried out of our suite and into Mia's, I began to vividly recall what happened in the wee hours of that morning.

* * *

It was about three in the morning on that terrible day when Clarisse and I were awakened by the sound of Shades knocking on the doors of our suite. I got out of bed and let Shades in, while Clarisse put on her robe and slippers and turned on the lights.

"Shades, what on earth is going on?" I rather snapped at him. Neither Clarisse nor I were exactly thrilled at being woke up at that hour.

"Hello, Joseph. Your Majesty. Joseph, I'm terribly sorry. I know how late it is. Please believe me that I would _not _be getting you up at this hour if it weren't urgent. It's the Queen."

"Mia?" said Clarisse. "What could possibly be wrong with Mia? Isn't she in bed, asleep?"

"No, Your Majesty, she isn't. I'm afraid that she might be in terrible danger right now."

"Hold on," I told him. "If the Queen isn't in her suite at this hour, then where is she?"

"For a long time now, Her Majesty has been sneaking out of the palace in the middle of the night, wearing a disguise, without telling anybody. She's been going to the Pyrus Women's Shelter three nights a week to do volunteer work there, and you know what's been going on at women's shelters in this country over the past year or so ever since the new regulations of the Protection Act came into force."

"Yes, all their volunteers keep getting attacked," I said gravely as my mind began putting two and two together.

"Abusers have been striking back, and with a terrible vengeance. When one of Her Majesty's friends at the Pyrus Women's Shelter was beaten to death a few weeks ago, she confided in Lionel about what she was doing. She was very afraid for her safety, but at the same time, she was determined to continue in her work there, although Lionel did try to talk her out of it, unsuccessfully. However, he did manage to convince her to let him accompany her, and he disobeyed her direct orders and came to me and told me about what she was doing. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night at about ten o'clock, after most everyone else in the palace has gone to bed, Her Majesty and Lionel have been sneaking out of the palace and going to the Pyrus Women's Shelter together, and they've always, _always _been back no later than ten, _maybe _fifteen minutes after two. They would _never _be gone this long unless something's gone wrong. They could both be in grave danger right now, _especially _if the Queen somehow lost her disguise and it's discovered who she really is."

"Oh, God," Clarisse gasped.

"Shades, for heaven's sake, you're the Royal Head of Security now! _How _could you let something like this happen on your watch?! Do we not have security cameras all over this palace?! _How _could your men be careless enough to let the Queen sneak off in the middle of the night all by herself for so long?! And _why _didn't you try to talk her out of this?! And _why _didn't you tell me what was going on?!"

"You're right. Ever since Lionel came and talked to me about this whole thing, I've realized that palace security has gotten pretty lax lately."

"That's an understatement! Let me guess. All your men on the night shift have been paying more attention to their chess games than they have been to what's happening on the cameras!"

"Yes, that's basically true, but you have to understand that nothing like this _ever _happened when you, Queen Clarisse, and your first husband King Rupert, may he rest in peace, were on the throne. Neither one of you ever did anything so rash as to sneak away from the palace in the middle of the night on your own, wearing a disguise, so my men on the night watch had no reason to believe Queen Mia would ever do anything like this, either. It's true that she did sneak away from the palace once before as a young princess, but you both know as well as I do how much growing up she did when she ascended the throne. We all believed she'd outgrown this kind of behavior," Shades rationalized as I put on my robe and slippers.

"Clarisse, I'm going downstairs with Shades," I told her then as we walked out of our suite together to his office.

"Very well. I'll get dressed," she replied while we walked out the door.

"So what you're telling me is, it's the Queen's fault that your men were getting careless on the job?" I said to Shades, calling him out on his rationalizing and his obvious blame-shifting, as we descended the stairs.

"Of course not. I was merely trying to explain it to you why my men do the things they do sometimes. It's just habit. Nobody believed for an _instant _that the Queen could be putting herself in any kind of danger, not in such a tiny, innocent little country like Genovia."

"Well given these beatings and deaths of volunteers that have been occurring, it seems that while Genovia may be tiny, it is _not _innocent any more so than any other country in the world. Shades, why, _why _didn't you tell me about all of this? _Why _as Queen Mia's Royal Head of Security did you fail to look out for her best interests?! Correct me if I'm wrong, but that _is _your job, isn't it?!"

When we reached his office, Shades looked me in the eye and told me, "You're absolutely right, Joseph. _It is _my job to look out for the Queen, and in my own way, I honestly thought I was. I mean, come on. You married Queen Clarisse, and you loved her for many years before you were finally able to make your relationship official. You've seen it yourself firsthand what royals go through. Nobody knows better than you do how they're never given _one_ _second _of real privacy in their lives. Her Majesty has been doing this ever since three months after she first ascended the throne, and with the exception of Lionel, she's never once told another soul about it, not even you or Queen Clarisse. You know what that tells me? That tells me that this is something that in her heart, she's made a real commitment to. And it also tells me that for whatever reason, it's something that she feels is way too private and personal to really discuss with anyone. The way Queen Clarisse and now Queen Mia have constantly had their entire lives examined under a microscope all these years, I couldn't help but feel that Queen Mia deserved _some _privacy. There are things in my life I personally feel are too private to be shared with my bodyguard, if I had one, and I know you feel the same way. Is Queen Mia not a citizen of this country? Does she not have the same rights to privacy as any other woman or man in Genovia?"

I let out a sigh of frustration. Shades had a very real point, and I knew it, but as I told him, "However important privacy may be, the Queen's safety _always _trumps privacy, and you know that. You should have done _everything _within your power to stop the Queen from endangering herself, and you know that, too."

"Come on, Joseph. You know how things are around here. We get pretty relaxed around here because nothing _ever _happens in Genovia, and _especially _not to a Genovian royal. And as I recall, you've felt free to join in a game or two of chess in your time when you were on the night shift."

"That was during my first year here, _before _I lost my first wife and baby and fully grew up to the harshness of the real world and the responsibilities of real life. I think it's high time that your men do the same. When it comes to the safety of the Queen, we can do better than this! _We must _do better than this!"

"You're right," Shades admitted quietly. "I know you're right. The truth of the matter is, you're obviously a lot better at being the Royal Head of Security than I am. That's why I got you up. I'm in over my head on this one, Joseph. The Pyrus Women's Shelter, like all similar shelters in Genovia, keeps its location a big secret. An abused woman is simply given the number of their hotline to call, and one of the volunteers who works there picks her up and brings her to the shelter. As you can understand, it's the safest possible way to go about it."

I quickly put the rest of the pieces of the puzzle together for Shades, telling him, "But now, the Queen and one of her royal bodyguards are missing from the palace, and it's clear that something's gone very wrong at that women's shelter. And you need me to basically come out of retirement for the moment so I can use all my resources and contacts and track the shelter's location down, and hopefully, the location of the Queen."

"Exactly. If I temporarily step down as Royal Head of Security and Queen Clarisse uses her authority as a member of the Genovian Royal Family to reinstate you in my place, you can use whatever resources you need to find the shelter, and hopefully, the Queen. And if, when we go to the shelter to find her and we discover that she's in danger, you can use whatever physical force necessary to protect her without any legal repercussions. You would still have immunity."

"Consider it done," said Clarisse, who had gotten dressed and stepped into the office. "Do whatever you have to do, Joseph," she told me, looking me squarely in the eye. "Just find Mia. _Now._"

"Of course," I answered my wife, and then I immediately got to work. I knew that Shades asked me to step in because I had a lot of contacts that he didn't, and fortunately, it didn't take me long to track the shelter's location down.

When Shades and all the other guards and I arrived at the Pyrus Women's Shelter at about a quarter 'til four that morning, we found things to really be in a state of chaos. We quickly searched the first floor and found Lionel and the other volunteers tied up to chairs, but there was no sign of Mia.

The moment we ran inside, Lionel said, "Joseph! Thank God! You guys _have got _to help Mia _now!_"

"The Queen saved us," Sarah Sanchez told us. "Those scumbags were looking for someone to get revenge on because their abused wives and children left them, and the Queen revealed herself to them and got them to release all the other people they were holding hostage. Then she told them to take their anger out on her and to leave us alone," she explained while the other men and I untied them.

"They took her upstairs," Lionel continued to explain. "They've been beating her ever since. She's been crying out from the pain for hours, but for the past ten or twenty minutes or so, she's stopped crying out. Joseph, you have to get to her _immediately!_"

Obviously, when Lionel told me that, I took off running. Shades and the other men and I searched every bedroom and bathroom on the second and third floor until I finally found the scumbags Sarah had talked about. They were in one of the adjoining bathrooms of one of the bedrooms on the third floor, drowning Mia in the bathtub. When I came into that bathroom and saw them holding her underwater, I pulled out my gun and I shot and killed those evil thugs right on the spot, without giving it a second thought. Then I pulled Mia's limp, lifeless body out of the tub, and to my horror, I quickly realized that she had stopped breathing.

When it really began to hit me what Mia had done, how she'd sacrificed her life for the sake of others, like the queen that she was, my heart just broke. She was so young and _so _sweet and beautiful. If I could possibly help it, _I wasn't about _to let this happen. Evil had won too many battles that day already with the hostage situation. It _was not _going to win now and claim this _wonderful _young life so full of promise.

"Oh, God," I gasped, and then I started mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. "Come on, honey," I whispered in her ear. "Come on. Breathe, _please!_" Then for the next minute or so, I performed C.P.R. while Lionel, Shades, and the other guards stood by in shock. Then _finally_, Mia took a breath and opened her eyes, and all the other men exhaled in relief. "Yes," I sighed, and in that next moment, I cradled Mia in my arms. It was only then that I was able to take the time to evaluate her other injuries. I could clearly see the bruises all over her face, and I also saw it that all the fingers of her right hand had been broken, as well as her right knee. We would later learn that those scumbags had also broken her nose and several of her ribs, in addition to psychologically torturing her with their guns, holding them to her temple and pulling the trigger, with their safeties being on the entire time.

"Joe," Mia gasped.

"Shh," I whispered. "Don't talk. Don't try to speak now." I didn't want her talking because it was obvious how difficult it was for her to merely breathe, much less speak. _I tried so hard _in those moments to be as strong as I possibly could, to keep it together for Mia's sake, but as we were staring into each other's faces, realizing how serious the situation was and that those could be our last moments with each other, we couldn't help but cry. "I love you so much, sweetheart," I told her through my tears. "I love you so much, and so does your grandma. Everything's going to be alright, love. Everything's going to be alright. Just hold on. Help's coming. Grandma and I are going to be right here with you every step of the way. We're going to help you get better. You just have to hang in there and hold on for us."

"Joe…promise me…you'll get Grandma through this…after it's all over," she choked out.

"I'm going to help _both of you _get through this, darling. _Both of you. _This is _not _either/or," I assured her as more tears fell from my eyes. I could see it in her eyes that she was in unbelievable agony, and I knew that she wanted me to promise her that her grandma was going to be alright so that she could let go. I didn't want to keep her in a world of agony, of course, but I just _couldn't _let her go. She was too sweet, too precious, too loving, and this world _direly _needed people like her in it. I knew Jesus had known exactly what He was doing when He put her on the Genovian throne, and I couldn't believe for a minute that her life was over now, at a mere twenty-three years of age.

"Please, Joe...I need to let go. I did…what I was…supposed to do. I…protected everybody. I was…the strong queen…I was supposed to be. But now…I'm a little girl again and…I need my mom and dad. Please, Joe…just get Grandma through this…so I can go to Jesus…and to mom and dad…in peace." Needless to say, when she made that plea to me, _I died inside._

"No, no, listen to me, baby girl," I whispered as I fought off more tears. "_You do not _have to die and go to Heaven in order to be with your mommy and daddy because your mommy and daddy are right here with you, baby. Grandma and I, _we _are Mommy and Daddy, sweetheart. _We are Mommy and Daddy. _Daddy's right here, and Mommy's going to be here with you soon. We're going to take care of you, sweetie. We're all going to get you through this. I promise you."

"Thank you," Mia gasped, and once again, tears flooded my eyes. Here she was, lying in my arms, in sheer agony and _dying_, and yet, she was actually _thanking me. _It was just beyond words. "Thank you…for always being there...for showing me…what it could be like…to have a father in my life."

"We've always belonged to each other," I said with raw emotion. "You've always been my little girl, sweetheart. _Always. _I love you so much. I've always loved you. Daddy's here, love. Daddy's right here. Help is coming, baby girl. _Help is coming. _Just hold on."

But even though she tried her hardest to stay with me, she couldn't. Mia lost consciousness again a moment later, and then she stopped breathing and once again, I performed C.P.R. I kept it up until the paramedics arrived, and when they finally got there, they intubated her and kept trying to resuscitate her. In the meantime, the other guards and I floored it to the hospital.

Soon after I arrived there, I met up with Clarisse again, who understandably, was pretty frantic with worry over Mia.

"Joseph, _what on earth _is going on?" she asked me in the waiting area of one of the hospital's top floors that were reserved for royalty, dignitaries, and other V.I.P.s. "What's happened to Mia? Is it really as bad as some of the guards are saying?"

I didn't want to frighten or upset my wife, but I didn't want to lie to her, either. As painful as it was, I know she needed and deserved to hear the truth, so after we sat down together, I told her, "I'm sorry, darling, but I'm afraid it is very bad. She's been severely beaten and drowned in the bathtub of one of the bathrooms in the shelter. From what all I could tell, all the fingers in her right hand and her right knee were broken. She had bruises all over her body, especially her face. And when I first found her, I had to perform C.P.R. to resuscitate her because she wasn't breathing."

"Oh, God," Clarisse gasped. "How, Joseph? _How _does something like this happen, to the Queen of Genovia of _all _people?! And why didn't God warn me about this?! Why would He give me the gift of prophecy if I couldn't use it to prevent these kinds of disasters?! I've already lost one child! Does He want me to go through that kind of hell all over again by losing my only grandchild?!"

"Of course not. You know the way things in this world work, Clarisse. It's not God's will for the earth to be the way it is now. Terrible things like death and disasters and accidents and beatings and illness happen because this world is an imperfect place, and it's imperfect because we're simply inheriting the consequences of what happened when the first man and woman chose to sin by disobeying God in the Garden of Eden. God _never _wanted things to be like this, but He didn't force His will on Adam and Eve and He doesn't force His will on any of us because to do so would be spiritual rape. It wasn't His will for those terrible thugs to torture Mia. _They chose _to do that to her with their own free will, which broke God's heart.

"As for your gift, I can't answer the question of why you didn't receive a warning about this. I know that God has shown you some very important things about what could happen in the future before. God used your gift on one occasion to warn you about a plot to assassinate King Rupert, and you warned me and I was able to put a stop to it. I know that just before Philippe was killed, you had a vision of him getting drunk and getting behind the wheel and dying in the ensuing car wreck, and I know how you warned him and pleaded with him to change the careless way he was living, but he very foolishly didn't heed your warning. I don't understand why God didn't give you any visions or warnings about this happening to Mia. But if what Lionel and some of the others have been saying is true, about there being some kind of invisible network of abusers in Genovia made up of influential people, doctors, lawyers, preachers, priests, police officers, etc., who use their power to help protect their fellow abusers from the consequences of their actions, then maybe the good Lord actually intends to use what Mia's done to shake Genovia by the shoulders and make this country wake up to what's been happening right here under our noses."

"I never thought that abuse was a very big problem in Genovia. I thought that because we've always been such a small, close-knit, _supposedly _God-fearing country, things like abuse didn't happen here, or if they did, they were rare, isolated occurrences."

"Until tonight, I believed that as well. But now, I think that we may have simply hit the snooze button when it comes to abuse. And now the Almighty is using the evil that's occurred tonight to start waking you and me and every Genovian, and _especially _everyone who claims to be a Christian, up."

"Why would Mia do something like this? I mean, I can certainly understand her wanting to sneak away from all the palace guards and just be on her own for a little while. Even though it is a palace, with there being so little freedom to come and go as you please, it can sometimes feel like more of a prison than a home. And with Mia being so young, I can understand her wanting to break free every once in a while. But why do volunteer work at an abused women's shelter? Why volunteer at a place where all the women and children staying there have abusive, violent, dangerous husbands and fathers looking for them? Why on earth would Mia do something so dangerous?"

"Clarisse, you make it sound as though Mia was doing something _wrong _by helping out there. Can't you see it, what an enormous, generous, loving heart your granddaughter has? I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if helping abuse victims and survivors is such an important cause for Mia, she should have contributed to places like the Pyrus Women's Shelter financially, instead of getting so personally involved and putting herself in danger. Now I'm not at all glad that any of this has happened, but the fact of the matter is, it's Mia's willingness to roll up her sleeves and get involved in person and get down in the trenches with everyday Genovians that makes her such an exceptional queen."

Clarisse turned to me with tears in her eyes then and told me, "It'll hardly be worth it for her to be such an exceptional queen if she dies."

I immediately pulled my wife into my arms and held her, and I said, "I know, my dear. I know. I know the hell you went through, losing Philippe like you did seven years ago. And I can only imagine what this must be doing to you inside right now. I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here, and I love you and Mia so much, and we _are _going to make sure she gets through this, Clarisse. She _is _going to be alright. I know it."

A couple of hours later, Mia's doctors explained to us the severity of her condition. She had the obvious scrapes and bruises from the beating, as well as a few broken ribs, a broken nose, a broken knee, and five broken fingers. Naturally, the nose, the knee, and the fingers required orthopedic surgery to be fixed, and those were the least of her problems. Because of the drowning, all of Mia's key organs, her heart, her lungs, her kidneys, and her liver, had all suffered severe oxygen deprivation and as a result, were failing. It was an utter miracle that Mia hadn't also suffered brain damage, and it was certainly a miracle that she'd managed to hold onto consciousness long enough to have that heart-wrenching conversation with me earlier. The oxygen deprivation to Mia's heart had in fact caused her to suffer a heart attack, and damage was done to the muscle of her heart. To put it mildly, things did not look good for Mia _at all._

A little while before Mia was moved into the ICU where Clarisse and I could visit her, I really needed to stretch my legs a little so I went for a walk, leaving Clarisse in the waiting room with Shades for a couple of minutes. As I made my way through the first floor of the hospital, where the emergency room and waiting room and hospital rooms for everyday people were, I quickly noticed that the frenzy of the news media had already begun in earnest. Elsie Kentworthy was already there in full force with her cameras, and I just rolled my eyes at the absurdity of it all. Maybe Mia _was _the reigning Queen of Genovia, but Shades was right. _She was _every bit as much a citizen of Genovia as everybody else in our country, and she and Clarisse had the same rights to basic human privacy as anybody else. Of course the country was interested in what happened in the life of their Queen, but now was not the time for flashing lights and cameras. Now was the time for Mia's and Clarisse's privacy and basic human rights to be respected.

But while the hospital was practically bursting at the seams with curious spectators, the waiting room of the first floor was, in fact, filled with people who really did care about Mia and were worried about what was happening with her. Sarah Sanchez and Mia's friends from the Pyrus Women's Shelter, Ben, Terri, Jennifer, and Danielle were sitting in that waiting room because they sincerely wanted to know how Mia was doing.

"I'm still in shock," Terri said. "I still can't believe it."

"Take a number," Ben responded. Of the five of them, his bruises and injuries had been the worst, but like all the others, he'd been properly treated in the emergency room. He had suffered a bit of a concussion and the doctor on call had told him to go home and take it easy for a while, but like the others, he couldn't leave because of how worried he was about Mia. "_Everybody's _in a state of shock right now. _The entire country of Genovia _is in a state of shock. I know _I _certainly am."

"You know, being a doctor, you see all kinds of terrible things," said Jennifer. "And some of the things I see on a daily basis at our shelter can leave me reeling inside. There have been quite a few times over the past couple of years that it all just got to me so much, and I really needed a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on in those times, and Angie's _always _done that for me."

"Me, too," said Danielle. "You know, you think that royals are these special, magical kind of people who are larger than life. You never imagine a princess or a queen being the kind of person you can just sit down with and talk to, one human being to another. But that's how Angela – or rather, Queen Mia – has always acted. She's always acted like she was just an ordinary person, like everybody else."

"Ain't that the truth," Sarah agreed. "Angie's always been so gentle, you know? So shy and sweet. There was _nothing _she wasn't willing to do to help us out. Unlike some of you, _Ben_," she teased, "she always did everything I ever asked of her without complaint. And I'll never forget when I gathered all of you together and told you about Evelyn's death a few weeks ago, how I asked how many of you would still be willing to keep working at the shelter, despite the risk involved. Queen Mia was the first person to raise her hand."

"It still boggles my mind," Ben said. "You're right, Sarah. I don't mind doing what I can to help out. That's what I signed on for. But I've never been thrilled about cleaning the bathrooms, especially the toilets," he joked and the others laughed. "I know how bad I've been about that. Usually when the bathrooms needed cleaning, Angie, or Queen Mia, stepped in and did that job when a lot of us wouldn't, including me. _The Queen of Genovia. _And she cleaned _toilets_, man."

"She always had those bathrooms _sparkling_," said Terri.

It was in that moment that I came into the waiting room and introduced myself, although they already knew who I was since, after marrying Clarisse a couple of years ago, I had actually become rather famous in Genovia. Then I basically told them everything Mia's doctors had just told Clarisse and me about her condition. We had a long conversation then about everything that had happened that night and all that Mia had done to protect them, and after we all marveled at what a kindhearted, humble, down-to-earth, sensitive young lady our Queen was, I rejoined Clarisse and Shades upstairs.

A little while later, Clarisse and I were allowed to go into Mia's ICU room to visit her, and when Clarisse first saw Mia, lying lifeless on that hospital bed, hooked up to a ventilator and monitors and I.V.s, she nearly collapsed and I had to support her so she wouldn't fall. After I helped her to a chair, I just held her for the longest time while she wept.

"You're right, Joseph. Genovia has got to start waking up. _We _have got to start waking up. This invisible network of abusers you the guards have been talking about? It ends here. It ends _right now._ Maybe I was asleep before, but now, I am wide awake." I simply nodded in agreement, and then I sat down in another chair next to Clarisse and held her hand. "What have they _done _to her, Joseph?" Clarisse gasped in horror. "What have they done? How could _anybody _do something like this?"

"I don't know, Clarisse," I sighed. "I'll never understand it."

"Her little hand," Clarisse said through her tears. Mia had had pins and screws put in during the orthopedic surgery of the fingers of her right hand, and her poor broken, bruised hand was wrapped in bandages and propped up on a pillow. To say the least, Mia's condition was heartbreaking.

"I know," I whispered as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "I know."

Over the next several weeks, Clarisse and I sat together like that, holding a vigil over Mia in her hospital room. During that time, she was given very expensive, highly experimental drugs to try and help her badly broken body recover – at the expense of her reproductive system – but in the end, it all came down to an entire nation praying for their Queen, as well as millions of prayers from others all over the world. The experimental medications did help some, but Mia's doctors told us that they hadn't helped her enough, and they were officially out of options. Yet one day, out of the blue, Mia's condition somehow started to improve, seemingly all on its own. Although such miracles were hardly everyday occurrences, they did still happen in this world, and Clarisse and I, and the entire country of Genovia, couldn't thank the good Lord enough. The Lord, for whatever reason, did not heal Mia completely, but He did heal her enough to give her a fighting chance at making a recovery, which she did.

And what I'd told Clarisse did turn out to be true. As all the details of her hellish experience became public, including the fact that those pieces of scum had actually broken Mia's fingers because they'd wanted to break every finger of the hand that had signed the Protection Act into law, Genovians really did wake up to the way abusers in our country were shamelessly being enabled. Not every Genovian chose to stop being comfortably ignorant about the issue, but thankfully, many did. And Genovia's invisible network of abusers and enablers didn't go away overnight, but thanks to Christ and to Mia, the entire system became severely weakened because other people in powerful positions stopped closing their eyes to it, and many more abused women and children in Genovia started finding freedom. What those thugs meant for evil, the Lord turned around and used for good, striking a crippling blow to the deadly system that had enabled them for so long. Similar things began happening in a lot of other countries as well.

* * *

As Clarisse and I entered Mia's suite just now, I only wished that _Mia _could find full freedom from the nightmares of that unspeakable night that still haunted her all these years later. When we walked inside, Mia had begun to calm down somewhat, but she was still crying as she clung to Lionel, who was rocking her.

"I'm alright, guys," Mia said through her tears. "I'm alright. I just need a minute."

"Oh honey, you just take all the time you need," Clarisse told her as she sat down on the side of Mia's bed and held her hands. "If you need to have a good, long cry, you just go right ahead. It's perfectly alright to cry if you need to. We're all right here with you, little one."

"And speaking of little ones, if you'll all excuse me for a minute, I want to go check on Claire and Rosie. I want to make sure I didn't accidentally wake them up."

"I'll do that, baby," Lionel said as he started getting out of bed.

"Okay, Lionel. Thank you."

"Of course."

After Lionel left, Clarisse and I sat down on either side of Mia, and we held her together, and I told her, "We're here, _mija. _Mommy and Daddy are right here. No one is _ever _going to hurt you like that again. I promise you that."

"I know," Mia whispered. "It's just so hard to relive it."

"I know it is, baby," said Clarisse. "I know it is. Let me help you."

Mia knew Clarisse was talking about using her gift, and she looked into her eyes and nodded without any hesitation. Very soon, as Clarisse started pouring her love into Mia, Mia was able to relax once again. Lionel came back in a few moments later and told us that the girls were still sound asleep, and Mia had actually fallen asleep once again in Clarisse's arms. Clarisse held her for a short while, and then she and I got up from the bed and Lionel laid back down and started holding Mia again. Afterwards, we went back to our own suite and prayed that Mia would be able to sleep peacefully through the rest of the night.


	13. The Love Shack

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Mia_

Today, it was one week after Rosie's third birthday, and exactly four months since my second heart attack. It was also the date of this year's royal garden party, and my first official public appearance since my heart attack in February. Today was a perfect, warm, lovely June day, and unlike what happened at the royal garden party nine years ago when I fell into that water fountain with Nicholas, this year's royal garden party went off without a hitch…well, for the most part, anyway. Everyone was so glad to see me, and Grandma couldn't stop showing me off to all her friends, acting as though she were the proudest grandmother in the world, and that really meant everything to me. Lionel and Joe acted much the same way, and everyone really seemed happy to see me well and back in public life again, and all the support tremendously lifted my spirits. Nine years ago, I was sort of the black sheep of the Genovian Royal Family, the clumsy girl who made too many mistakes and, at least to a certain extent, was looked down upon and doubted by most everyone, including Grandma. Today, everybody acted like it was actually some kind of honor just to be in my presence, and not solely because I was a queen or a royal, but because I truly seemed to be a worthwhile person in their eyes, and that meant so much to me.

Just before the events of the day were over, though, Brigitte and Brigitta, who'd been watching Claire and Rosie for me during the garden party, came running up to me to tell me that they'd lost sight of them.

"It's alright, ladies," I assured them. This had happened on more than one occasion. "They couldn't have gotten very far. You two start looking for them in the palace, and I'll get Lionel to help me look for them outside. We'll find them." Brigitte and Brigitta had agreed to watch the girls for Lionel and me that day because we didn't have a nanny on the palace staff like a lot of royal families did. During most days, Shades or Joe would take over guarding me for Lionel while I was at work during the day, and Lionel would care for them, and in the times when he had to be on duty, Grandma and Joe were always more than happy to babysit for us. Today, however, we'd obviously had to turn to Brigitte and Brigitta because it was required of all the rest of us to attend the garden party since we were all members of the Genovian Royal Family and it was clearly a big social event.

"Yes, Your Majesty," said Brigitte, and then she and Brigitta went inside and I started searching the palace grounds. Before I even had the chance to find Lionel and ask him to help, though, I distinctly heard the sound of small giggles nearby. It had been raining quite a bit recently, and much of the palace grounds were still pretty muddy, and sure enough, I found Claire and Rosie playing together behind some trees, _covered _in mud!

"Girls!" I scolded them, but they just looked up at me with big smiles on their faces.

"Hi, Mommy!" they said aloud.

"What _are _you two doing?" I asked them as I put my hands on my hips…and fought to keep from laughing.

"Playing in the mud!" Claire proudly told me.

"Getting muddy!" said Rosie.

"I can see that. And _why _are you getting muddy?"

"Because waiting inside for you to come and play with us is boring!" Claire announced.

"Yeah! Boring!" Rosie agreed.

"You got tired of waiting for the royal garden party to end so that Daddy and I could come inside and spend some time with you," I supplied.

"Yeah!" they said in unison. And in reality, I could hardly blame them. Sure, the royal garden party has always been an important social event for a Genovian royal, but while I did enjoy mingling with all the people there, at times it could be pretty long, and as my girls put it, _boring! _And I knew it had to have gotten equally boring for Claire and Rosie, waiting for the big event of the day to end so they could spend some time with Lionel and me. But _none _of us stayed bored too much longer! In that next moment, Claire and Rosie both grabbed my hands and started trying to pull me down on the ground and into the mud with them, and I tried to keep my balance and not lose my footing, but for a klutz like me, of course, it was impossible. A second later, down into the mud with my girls I went! And naturally, Claire and Rosie laughed out loud.

"Very funny, girls!" I pretended to scold them as they continued to squeal with laughter. But the fact of the matter was, as I looked into their little mud-covered faces, I just _couldn't _be angry or upset with them. "Very funny!" I said aloud, and then I started splashing and playing around in the mud with them, laughing my head off the entire time.

A little while later though, it was time for us to stop playing and start trying to sneak back into the palace so that I could _hopefully _get cleaned up and get the girls cleaned up without anybody else seeing us…especially Grandma! I took their little hands and started trying to tiptoe with them around to the back entrance of the palace where we _hopefully _wouldn't be seen. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case, as we soon ran into Lionel, Joe, Uncle Seb, _and yes_, Grandma, all of whom had been looking for us. However, I could clearly see the laughter in their eyes and in their faces as they looked at us. I could even see laughter, _a lot _of laughter, in Grandma's eyes that she was furiously fighting to keep concealed. But while the others let out a few soft chuckles and giggles, Grandma remained perfectly silent.

"Hi, Grandma," we all said rather sullenly, like three naughty kids who just got caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Hello, girls," Grandma replied in a low tone of voice, obviously still fighting hard to keep from breaking down and laughing. "And what have the three of you been doing today?"

"Getting muddy!" Rosie _proudly _announced.

"Playing with Mommy in the mud!" Claire _just as proudly _announced.

"I see," said Grandma as the soft laughter from the others in the background continued.

"Got tired of waiting to play with Mommy, Gamma!" Rosie explained.

"So we went to find Mommy," Claire continued.

"And instead, you found a lot of mud outside to play in," Grandma said as she still visibly fought to keep her laughter contained.

"Uh huh!" answered Rosie. "Then Mommy came!"

"And when Mommy came, we wanted her to play too so we pulled her in the mud with us!" Claire once again _proudly _announced, and then all the others standing behind Grandma, especially Uncle Seb, started letting more of their laughter out.

"We made Mommy play!" said Rosie.

Through my own muddy complexion, I was blushing beet red the entire time. I had _so _hoped I could sneak Claire and Rosie back into the palace without being noticed by anyone, and now that we _had _been caught, it was a little embarrassing to say the least.

"You want to go play in the mud too, Grandma?" Claire asked while everyone _really _laughed.

"No thank you, darling," Grandma replied, trying to sound as dignified as humanly possible. "I prefer not to play with mud."

"Oh Clarisse, go play in the mud a while!" Sebastian teased, which once again made everybody laugh that much harder. And it was a clear example of how things have changed over the years and how much closer we've all become. In the past, Sebastian would never have _dared _to joke around with Grandma like that. It would have been seen as him being too informal with his Queen, and therefore, as a sign of disrespect. Now though, we weren't just colleagues and friends; we were family, and there was never any worry about being too informal. Sebastian and all of us were now perfectly free to just be ourselves with each other.

And Grandma responded, not by being offended at Seb, but by jokingly rolling her eyes at him, and she said, "That, Sebastian, will be quite impossible because I'm going to have my hands full getting these two cleaned up."

"Don't worry about that," Lionel told Grandma. "I'll handle it."

"Oh no, Lionel. Let me. It's been quite a while since I've given our little princesses their bath and put them to bed." Although the garden party had officially ended at six o'clock, just like every year, there had been a lot of stragglers and as Queen, it had been naturally been my duty to stick around and talk with them all until they were ready to say goodbye. It was now a quarter 'til eight, and it was nearly the girls' bedtime.

"Thanks, Grandma," I said to her with my still-beet-red-with-embarrassment muddy face. "I'd better go get cleaned up myself, if you all will kindly excuse me," I told everyone as I let go of the girls' hands and started walking inside, leaving Claire and Rosie in the capable hands of Brigitte and Brigitta, who each wrapped them up in a towel and picked them up and started carrying them indoors as well.

I went upstairs to my suite and showered as quickly as I could, and then I used my nebulizer for a little while since I was still so out of breath, and afterwards, Lionel came in.

"Hey, baby. How are you?" he asked, and then he kissed me.

"I'm not quite so out of breath, now that I've had my breathing treatment," I replied.

"Good. Your grandma and I were worried. You were wheezing pretty hard a little while ago."

"Well you and Grandma can stop worrying. I'm alright. Now come on. Let's go read the girls a bedtime story and tuck them in."

"It's okay, sweetheart. Clarisse and I already did that. After Clarisse got the girls in the bathtub and got them cleaned up, she took Claire off to her suite and read her a story and tucked her in, and I did the same with Rosie. And she and Joe and I have _all _given them the understanding that they have officially lost the privilege of playing outside together for the next week for sneaking away from Brigitte and Brigitta and for making you fall."

I said, "Oh Lionel, them pulling me down in the mud wasn't that big of a deal. The girls just got bored waiting for the royal garden party to end so that you and I could spend some time with them. And when I came along, they were just trying to get me to play with them and have a little fun; that's all. They didn't mean any harm. I hope you guys weren't too harsh."

"Now would we be too harsh with the Princesses of Genovia?" Lionel said jokingly, and I laughed.

"No. I know you wouldn't," I said as we sat down on the bed together, and then he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"I know how hard it is to punish the girls, baby. I'm like you. It's my least favorite part of parenting."

"You're right, though. We _do _have to discipline them, even if they didn't mean any harm by it. It _is_ up to us to set limits and let them what is and what is _not _acceptable behavior. This isn't the first time they've snuck away from one of their babysitters and gone off on their own in the palace and gotten into some mischief, and I don't want them thinking that it's okay to do that."

"And _I _don't want them thinking it's okay to pull you down and make you fall. I know how much you hate being reminded of this, but the fact is, with your health issues and with your being a little clumsy, the girls have to know that they can't just go around doing things like that."

"Well I _am _clumsy. I have no problem admitting that. But I don't want you and Grandma and Joe giving the girls the impression that I'm as fragile as glass and that I can't do the same things with them that any other mother would do with her children. I mean, maybe I can't run marathons with them, but I _can _still do plenty of normal, everyday things with them, and I don't want them thinking I can't."

"I know it's hard, but we're all going to have to find some kind of middle ground, here. Mia, I understand that as a mother, you want to spend as much time and do as many things with Claire and Rosie as humanly possible. But I think sometimes you tend to underestimate the kind of effect that that beating and drowning has had on your body. You've suffered heart and lung damage, as well as some damage to your liver and kidneys. I know you want to be as normal and active a mother as possible, and I want that for you as well, but you still have to keep it in mind that physically speaking, you do have limits. You have to remember to go easy on yourself, and to be as careful as possible."

If I'd heard this lecture from Lionel, Grandma, and Joe once over the past four months, I'd heard it a million times. And I knew that, at least to a certain extent, they were right. My body _had _been through an awful lot and I _did _need to be careful, and I realized that. But I _also _knew that I couldn't just stop living, either.

I leaned into Lionel's embrace and said, "Please Lionel, let's not get into all of this now. Preach me the lecture tomorrow, okay? I don't feel like going through it now."

Lionel put his index finger under my chin and tilted my face up in that moment and said, "Hey. _I am not _trying to preach a lecture at you. I'm really sorry if I sounded like I was. _I did not _mean it that way. I only said what I did because after all your body has been through, I can't help but worry about you. I love you more than anything."

"I know, and I love you, too. And I know that I have to be careful, but playing around with the girls is not going to kill me."

In that next moment, Grandma came into our suite.

"Hello, Clarisse," said Lionel.

"Hey, Mama," I told her as Lionel and I stood up together.

"Hello, darling," Grandma said as she hugged me. "Hello, Lionel. Mia, I just wanted to come by for a moment and see how you're doing."

"Oh, I'm fine, Grandma. I used my nebulizer a little while ago and it helped."

"Good."

"And I'm sorry about what happened. I realize that it's not very becoming for a queen to be covered in mud at the end of a royal garden party."

"Oh, don't worry about it, little one. It was an accident, and it wasn't your fault you fell. The only thing that matters is that you're okay."

To say the least, the change in Grandma's attitude today from what it was after my last royal garden party accident nine years ago was pretty astounding. Back then, I'd fallen in the water fountain with Nicholas because I'd been trying to push him away from me after he'd grabbed me and kissed me, and the entire thing had been one great big accident – one great big accident that had occurred because I'd been trying to fight the attraction I'd had to Nicholas at the time and stay faithful to my then fiancé, Andrew Jacoby. And instead of giving me a chance to try to fully explain what had happened, and without ever taking it into consideration that the whole episode had been an accident, she just blew up at me like fireworks. Back then, my imperfections and mistakes being cause for embarrassment for the Royal Family had been her greatest concern. Now, the only thing she cared about was whether or not I was alright, and she was far more understanding about it when I was human and made a mistake and appeared less than perfect in the eyes of the public and the media. These days, I no longer had to worry about being or at least _acting_ perfect in order to please Grandma, and to say the least, it was a real breath of fresh air.

"Thanks, Mama," I told her with a smile, and she cupped my cheek in her hand and returned the smile.

"Besides, it _was _pretty funny, seeing you and Claire and Rosie all covered in mud!" she admitted with a big laugh, and Lionel and I laughed with her.

"You're right. It was pretty hilarious," I agreed.

"You know, I think Mia looks pretty cute when she's muddy!" Lionel teased, and I laughed again.

"Oh Lionel, you are so silly!" I told him.

"It's true! You do," he said, and once again, Grandma laughed.

"Well anyway, you two may want to turn in early tonight, seeing as how we all have a wedding to attend soon," Grandma suggested.

"But Brigitte isn't getting married for another week," I said. An old childhood friend of Brigitte's had moved back to Genovia about a year ago after spending many years in the States, and they soon started dating, and last month he popped the question. Everybody in the palace was going, just as we'd all gone to Brigitta's wedding seven years ago, and to Shades's wedding last year. There had been a couple of people whose weddings I'd been unable to attend in recent years, but whenever someone on the palace staff got married, I always tried to make it if I possibly could, and there was _no way _I was missing the wedding of one of my lady's maids.

"Yes, but now that you're making public and diplomatic appearances again, in addition to the rest of your workload as Queen, you need to be sure to get as much rest as possible," said Grandma, and again I smiled. Okay, maybe I did grow a little weary of Lionel's and Grandma's lectures about taking it easy and taking better care of myself, but I knew they only said those things because they loved me so much. And I also knew that everything that had happened to me over the course of the past six and a half years had hit Grandma unbelievably hard, and that she couldn't help but feel overprotective of me.

"I've said it before, Mama, and I'll say it again: _I'm fine. _You don't have to worry about me all the time."

"And there's something I've said to you before as well that I'll say again now: I am your mother and your grandmother all rolled up into one, and that gives me license to worry about you as much as I want to for the rest of my life."

Lionel chuckled then and put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Don't worry, Clarisse. We're going to bed soon. And if I see it that she's pushing herself too hard, I'll be sure and let you know so you and I can get on her case about it together," he teased as I rolled my eyes at them both.

"Anyway," Grandma said while she laughed, "I'll see you two in the morning. Goodnight, Lionel."

"Goodnight, Clarisse."

Grandma gave me another hug and kissed me on the cheek then and told me, "Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight, Grandma. Love you."

"Oh, I love you, too. Sleep well."

"You too," I said as she walked out of our suite.

Then after we got dressed for bed and laid down together, Lionel said, "You know, everything going on with Brigitte's wedding kind of reminds me of our own."

"I was just thinking the same thing," I agreed. "I'm so glad we got to have our wedding the way _we _wanted to do it, rather than having to turn it all into one huge public media circus the way royal weddings typically are."

"Hear, hear! A royal elopement at the Love Shack is the way to go!"

"Absolutely! It couldn't have been a more perfect place for us to get married – the place where we had our very first kiss."

"Mm-hmm. We sure had a time decorating the Love Shack for Clarisse and Joe, didn't we?"

"Did we ever!" I wholeheartedly agreed with Lionel, and then my mind wandered back to those _incredible _ten days Lionel, Lilly, Kip, Princess Asana and I all spent together working on the Love Shack.

* * *

I'd been out of the hospital for about a month and a half, and I was slowly but surely settling back into my role as Queen of Genovia, even though I hadn't resumed my full workload yet. I still had a physical therapist coming to the palace on a regular basis to do physical therapy sessions with me, working with my hand and knee and all, and I also had frequent therapy sessions with a counselor as well to help me try to deal with the psychological impact of everything that had happened to me. But after six weeks of physical and psychological therapy sessions on top of sessions with Parliament and meetings with diplomats, trying desperately hard to prove to everyone that I could still handle the job of being a ruler and that I wasn't all weak and broken down inside, I needed a break and my friends could clearly see that, so they suggested I take a little vacation. But because I still felt that I yet again needed to prove myself as a queen to other Genovian political officials and to the Genovian people, at first, I resisted. However, Lionel, Lilly, and Asana changed my mind in the end. We were all hanging out together in one of the sitting rooms one afternoon when Lionel reminded me of something we'd talked about while I'd still been in the hospital.

"Mia, don't you remember how you said that you wished you could give Queen Clarisse and Joseph their own special place to go to for romantic getaways together? Your family does have the beach house in Mertz, of course, but remember how you wanted them to have a place like that there that was just for the two of them?" he asked me. He'd recently gotten a lot better about addressing me as "Mia" rather than "Your Majesty" in informal settings.

"Hey, yeah! That's a great idea!" Asana agreed. She'd arrived at the palace the week before and was staying with us for a while. "Why don't you look into some real estate and buy another beach house in Mertz, and we can all go there and decorate it for Queen Clarisse and Joseph, and then we can surprise them with it later. It'll be fun!"

"Plus, it'll take your mind off all the things that are stressing you out right now," Lilly added.

"It is true that I'd really love to do something like that for them sometime in the future," I told them. "But I just can't right now. I've only been back on the job for a few weeks. It's way too soon for me to go away with my friends and do something fun. You guys all know that being a ruler is often about image and the way the public perceives you, especially in the media. And right now, I have to prove to everyone that despite everything that's happened to me, I'm still capable of being the Queen of Genovia. I still have to prove it to everyone, _especially _to my critics, that I'm psychologically strong and stable. And if I take any time away from the palace now, it's going to give all the people who are doubting my capability to rule all the more reason to be convinced that I should be replaced by Nicholas, or by the von Trokens if he refuses the crown."

"Oh Mia, you still don't realize it, do you?" asked Lilly.

"Still don't realize what?" I asked in return.

"The absolutely _unbelievable _impact you've had on this country," she replied. "It's true that you used to have a lot of snobbish jerks in this country, and in Parliament, who looked down through their noses on you and doubted your ability to rule simply because you were raised in a middle-class home and not in a high and mighty palace; because you've always been _human _and you've never tried to pass yourself off as some kind of perfect royal robot. And there still are a few jerks in this country who feel that way, but the vast majority of the Genovian people fell head over heels in love with you when they learned last November what we already knew about you all along: how incredible you are."

"That's right," Lionel concurred. "Despite all your snobbish critics, you already had a lot of supporters anyway. You were already doing a wonderful job as a ruler, and you had already gained a lot of respect because of all the great things you'd done as Queen before, but when Genovia and the rest of the world truly saw it for the first time last November just how _huge _your heart really is, they couldn't help but fall in love with you."

"Mia, the whole rest of the world now sees you as a younger version of Mother Theresa," Asana told me. "Now, not even your biggest, worst critics would _dare _to criticize you. And besides, I'm certain that Nicholas won't have any problem with taking over for you for a few days. He did a great job standing in for you while you were in the hospital, and he is still handling some of your workload for you now. I'm sure he'll be more than happy to fully take over for you again for a little while if you need to take a break, and I think it's obvious that you do."

"And the last thing in the world you need right now is to be stressed out," said Lionel. "You've only been out of the hospital for a few weeks now, and it's not a good idea for you to be under a lot of strain and pressure. It's very, very important for you to relax as much as possible."

"Come on, Mia," Lilly told me. "You have literally been _tortured. _You have been beaten and drowned and tortured psychologically with guns. You have put your very _life _on the line to help others, and you've given up so much of your everyday life already to govern and care for this country. On top of that, you've gone through and you're _still _going through all the pain involved in therapy, both physical and psychological. _If anybody _has earned a break, here, it's you. Let us help you make the perfect romantic getaway beach house for Queen Clarisse and Joe, and let yourself enjoy a fun project with your friends in the process. You need and you deserve to get away from the stress of work and the stress of the past few months, and you know you do."

I could rarely say no to Lilly, as determined and persistent as she always was. And on top of that, deep down, I knew she was right.

"Alright, guys," I said in the next moment. "I'll do it!"

"Yes!" they all cried out.

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I selected and purchased some beachside land in Mertz, and I hired a multitude of construction workers to build Grandma's and Joe's perfect romantic getaway beach house. It was only one story, and it had a very spacious lounge, sitting room, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, and master bedroom and bathroom, as well as an indoor pool in the shape of a heart, with a nearby hot tub. I also had a huge greenhouse built for Grandma so she could still enjoy one of her biggest hobbies, caring for plants and especially roses, while on vacation with Joe. All the walls of the beach house were painted lovely pastel colors, and the furniture matched perfectly. It was ideal for a house on the beach. I could have had another story added and with more bedrooms, of course, but that would have really defeated the whole purpose of the second beach house, which was to give Grandma and Joe a great romantic place to come to so that they could be alone and get away from the rest of the world for a while.

And for several days, I really had the time of my life with my friends as what we had dubbed the Love Shack came to life. Due to my asthma, I couldn't handle being around paint so I didn't try to paint the walls, but along with Lilly and Asana, I did help make a lot of decorating decisions and with picking out furniture that we all thought Grandma and Joe would like. I also helped move some of the furniture in, and with setting up the greenhouse. At the end of it all we were pretty tired, but we definitely agreed that the hard work we put in was more than worth it.

The evening before we were all set to leave and get back to our everyday lives, though, my whole world changed. Lilly, Kip, and Asana were hanging out together on the beach, while Lionel and I stayed behind inside the beach house and just enjoyed a quiet dinner with each other. As we sat together in the dining room, I could see it that Lionel had a lot on his mind, so I asked him about it.

"Lionel, you seem so serious this evening. Is something the matter?"

"I don't…I don't really think it would be fair to you to bring this up now, Mia," he replied.

"Why not? You and I talk about everything," I told him, and it was true. He was a very close friend to me, and he and I had talked to each other about practically everything under the sun for ages now. I'd confided in him and turned to him for encouragement and support so many times since I first ascended the throne, and he'd always been there. Seeing Lionel always brightened my day, and made me feel like the burdens I was carrying as the Queen of Genovia were a little bit lighter, simply because of his refreshing presence in my life. And now if there were something bothering him, I wanted to be as equally good of a friend to him as he'd been to me and return the favor.

"That's true, but I don't think this is the right time to discuss it. Let's talk about something else."

"No, Lionel. I don't want to talk about anything else. You've barely touched your dinner. Your mind is a million miles away and you're clearly distracted. Something's obviously bothering you. I'm your friend, and if something's wrong in your life, I want to know what it is so I can be there for you." In that next moment, I reached out and put my hand on top of his and said, "I want to be there for you like you've always been there for me."

Lionel responded by kissing my hand and telling me, "Hey, you _have _been there for me. Always. You are the most wonderful friend a guy could ever hope for."

"Well alright, then. Since you say I'm such a wonderful friend, then _talk _to your wonderful friend. What's bothering you?"

"It's not important. Really, it's not. And I _don't _want you worrying about me. I don't want you worrying about _anything. _I just want you to take it easy right now and relax."

"Oh, _that's _why you don't want to talk about it. You don't want me to worry about you after everything that's recently happened in my life over these past few months. Well, you're too late, because I'm already worried about you. And it's not going to get any better until you tell me what's going on."

Lionel let out a bit of a sigh and laughed and said, "You are not going to quit until I tell you, are you?"

I gave him a shameless grin and told him, "Nope." Then I had the terrible thought that something might be wrong with him physically speaking, so I asked him, "You're not sick or anything, are you?"

"Oh no, of course not," he answered, and I let out a small sigh of relief. But then he said, "Then again, I suppose in a way, I am. I do happen to be suffering from an acute case of love."

"Really? You're in _love? _Lionel, that's terrific," I said softly, wearing a smile. But for some reason, way deep down inside, I wasn't entirely happy to hear the news that Lionel had feelings for someone. Our relationship hadn't happened overnight; it had slowly evolved over time into a very deep, respectful, and beautiful friendship, and even though neither of us had really said it to one another before, we both knew that we loved each other, not romantically of course, but as friends. I knew I held a special place in Lionel's heart and he certainly held a very special place in mine, and hearing him tell me that he was in love suddenly made me feel…_jealous._ "So who's this very fortunate lady?" I asked as I kept forcing myself to smile.

"There is no very fortunate lady. I haven't told her. I have to wait until the timing is right first, and at the moment, the timing couldn't be more wrong."

"Why?"

"Well…let's just say that you and the lady I'm in love with have a great deal in common. Like you, she's been pretty sick recently, and…well, she's been through an awful lot. And on top of that, she is _so _out of my league that it is just _ridiculous_."

"Out of your league…how?"

"She's from this _incredibly _aristocratic family. This is not the kind of lady who would even _think _of looking at a mere junior member of Royal Security, a commoner, like me. She's someone who, like you, will probably end up getting married to a lord, an earl, a duke, or a prince, somebody with some kind of special title. Besides, even if she doesn't care that I'm a lowly, untitled commoner, I can't tell her how I feel right now. After all she's been through lately, I'm certain she doesn't need me to make her life even _more _complicated with a confession of love, especially if she doesn't feel the same way."

"You do have a point. Then again, speaking as someone who, like your lady friend, has recently been through her share of struggles with her health and with other things, I know that if there was a young man like you out there who really was in love with me, I would want to know."

"_You would?_" Lionel said suddenly, and then regained his composure. It was in that moment that I began to wonder if _I _were actually the lady Lionel was talking about.

"Yes, I would. If a guy like you told me one day he had feelings for me, I would definitely be open to pursuing a romantic relationship with him. I may have been to hell and back over these past few months, but I am ready to pick up and move on with my life again. And as long as he understood all the physical and emotional problems I still have to deal with because of everything I've been through, and he was still willing and prepared to face those challenges with me in a relationship, I would be more than happy to say yes to something like that.

"As for the whole title thing, I personally couldn't care less. I don't know what the whole situation is with your lady friend, but as for me, I'm already the Queen of Genovia, and the entire issue of me having an arranged marriage to someone with a title was laid to rest a long time ago. As this country's ruler, I can marry – or date – any man I see fit, and there's nothing anybody can do about it."

Lionel's face practically lit up like a Christmas tree then, and he said to me, "Well Mia, in that case…there's something I have to tell you." He picked up his dining chair in that moment and brought it around closer to where I was sitting, and after he sat down again, I turned my chair so that I would be facing him. When we were sitting face to face, he took my hands, and he told me, "I know I never told you this, but I have had the biggest crush on you ever since you first stomped on Nicholas Devereaux's foot." When he said that, I laughed. "And as I have gotten to know you over the past three years, I have fallen so in love with you. I love everything about you, Mia. _Everything. _I love the way you laugh. I love the way you smile. I love your absolutely enormous heart. I love your courage. I love your sweetness. I love the way you, unlike most people who claim to be born-again Christians, actually _live out _your faith in your daily life and are not some kind of cold, uppity, preachy hypocrite. I love what an inspiring example you are to me as a Christian. _I love you._"

Lionel's words actually brought a tear to my eye, and when he got finished telling me all those things, I couldn't help but want to kiss him. When I saw all the love for me that was just shining in my friend's eyes in that moment, I didn't hesitate to give him the kiss of my life.

After the long kiss was over, I whispered in Lionel's ear, "I love you, too." We kissed again, and we hugged for the longest time.

Finally, after we calmed down just a little, Lionel asked me, "How do you want to go about this?"

"To be perfectly honest, I'm not really sure. I mean, I'd love to just run up to every person I see and yell, 'Hey, guess what?! _I'm in love!_' But because I'm a queen, that automatically makes things more complicated."

"I understand. Personally, I would prefer to keep this just between the two of us for right now. I think that would be best."

"Why?"

"I know what we all said about how Genovia and the rest of the world sees you as a young Mother Theresa these days, and it's true; most people do. And I don't believe you have anything to worry about, coming to Mertz with us for a few days to get away from it all. But when it comes to who you choose to be in a romantic relationship with, that's another matter altogether. Even though this country is so in love with you – as am I," he said as I smiled, "you still have opponents in Parliament and in the media who are _always _looking for some kind of way to take you down. I'm afraid that if we start telling our friends and loved ones about us, they'll naturally start talking about it with other people, and before we know it, the media will find out and there'll be pictures of you and me in the tabloids and news stories telling a bunch of lies about us, causing a big public scandal. _I do not _want you to have to deal with that, _especially _right now when you're just starting to get back on your feet again, both physically and emotionally."

"Actually, I think that's a good idea. Just thinking about having to deal with a big royal scandal right now makes me feel tired," I admitted as I rested my forehead on Lionel's.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. As one of your royal bodyguards, it is my job to protect you from anything that may cause you harm, and that includes protecting you from big royal scandals. We'll just be as careful as humanly possible when we're back at the palace. And I'll always be professional whenever we're in front of others. You can count on me."

I gave Lionel another kiss then and told him, "I know I can. I just hope we won't be so wrapped up in trying to hide our new relationship from the press that we don't have the chance to really enjoy it."

Lionel kissed me and said, "That won't happen. I know with you being a royal, we can't exactly be like a normal couple in love, but _we will _make this work. I promise you."

"I know we will," I told him, and then I snuggled back into his embrace.

We just held each other like that and talked and kissed and hugged for the longest time while our friends were gone. Soon after they returned, Lilly and Kip went to sleep in the master bedroom, and Asana, Lionel, and I slept on the couches in the lounge and sitting room. The next day, we all returned to the palace, where I informed Grandma and Joe that they were officially "exiled."

That morning, very shortly after we arrived back at the palace, Charlotte went into Grandma's and Joe's suite and told them, "Your Majesty, Joseph, the Queen has returned, and she requests an audience with both of you in the throne room – an _immediate _audience."

"An _immediate _audience?" Grandma said with a bit of a chuckle.

"That's correct, ma'am," Charlotte responded.

"Well, Clarisse, in that case, I guess you and I ought to head to the throne room. I'd certainly hate to keep our young Queen waiting," said Joe.

"I guess we ought to," Grandma agreed, and then they both left for the throne room.

When they came in, I was sitting on the throne wearing the same big crown on my head that Grandma had always worn several times a year when, according to Genovian tradition, citizens were allowed a personal audience with the reigning king or queen in the throne room. Lionel, Lilly, Kip, and Asana were standing nearby, and we _all _were fighting to keep a straight face.

"Grandmother, Joseph," I said to them in a fake stern voice, "the two of you have been very naughty. Over these past few months, you have spent so much time worrying about me that you have not been spending enough quality time together. Lionel, Lilly, Kip, Asana, Charlotte and I have all discussed it, and we officially find you guilty of the charge of not having enough fun together. Therefore, the two of you are sentenced to do some hard time alone together at your brand new beach house in Mertz."

"Our _what?_" Grandma said in a laugh.

"Since the two of you have not spent enough time being romantic with each other these past few months, by order of your Queen, you are hereby officially exiled from the palace for at least the next two weeks, and sentenced to spend that time alone together in your new beach house in Mertz," I told them.

"It's all set, Your Majesty," said Lilly. "Mia's already had some bags packed for both of you, and the directions to your new beach house in Mertz have been programmed into your car's GPS system. All you guys have to do now is get in the car and go."

"And according to Her Majesty's edict, you absolutely _must _stay there and _thoroughly _enjoy yourselves for the next two weeks at the very least," Lionel explained as he handed Joe an envelope with my "orders" for their "banishment" written out on our palace's official royal stationery and everything. As Joe opened the envelope and read it, he had a good laugh.

"I don't believe it, Clarisse, but it's true. Here it is in black and white," he said as he handed it to Grandma.

"Is _this _what the five of you have been up to while you've been gone? Fixing up a _beach house _for us?" Grandma asked.

I finally couldn't hold it in any longer and I started laughing, and I told Grandma and Joe, "Yes! I purchased some beachside land in Mertz, and hired construction workers to build you two your very own special, perfect romantic getaway beach house, and we've been there decorating it and getting it ready for you. I know we already have a beach house in Mertz, but this one is especially for the two of you to enjoy whenever you want or need to get away from it all and spend some quality time alone."

"Oh, sweetheart, I don't know what to say," Grandma said as she walked up to me and hugged me. "You are so thoughtful and loving."

"And mean, because now I'm throwing you guys out of here!" I teased them. "As of this moment, you guys are officially banished from this palace for at least the next two weeks! Out with you! Now!" I said as I pointed to the throne room's exit.

Joe had another big laugh and said, "Well Clarisse, my dear, I suppose you and I had better get going."

"I suppose so," Grandma chuckled, and then I got up from the throne so that I could tell them goodbye. "I'll see you in a little while, my love," she told me, an in the next moment she kissed my cheek, and I gave her a big hug.

"See you, Grandma," I said. Then I hugged Joe and told him, "See you, Joe. Have fun, you two. That's another royal command from your Queen."

"We will, my dear. And thank you," Joe said softly. I could see it in his face that he was really touched.

"You're more than welcome, Joe," I said. A moment later, they walked out to the car. After they left, everyone else and I had one great big belly laugh together, because Grandma and Joe had _no idea _what they were in store for!

I left a note for them taped on the dashboard of their car explaining to them that there was a tape recorder in the glove compartment with a tape inside, and that they should start listening to the tape together as soon as they arrived at the beach house. We all recorded a tape that basically gave them a guided tour of their new beach house – as well as a lot of laughs.

When Grandma and Joe arrived, they immediately noticed the big sign we left for them out in the front of the beach house.

"Clarisse and Joseph's _Love Shack?!_" Grandma said incredulously with a big laugh.

"I'm scared, Clarisse," Joe joked, and again, Grandma laughed out loud.

"Oh come on, Joseph. Let's go inside and start listening to the tape. It can't be all that bad."

Joe chuckled and said, "Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Let's go."

After they stepped into the foyer, Grandma started playing the tape recorder. On the tape, I told them hello and everything, and then I gave them directions into the lounge and pointed things out to them I thought might be of interest, and one thing in particular.

"Before we move on, there's one last feature of your new lounge that I think you two will find very interesting," I explained on the tape. "Both of the couches in this room are more than just couches. They're convertible sofa beds! So if you two decide to start making out in here during your romantic getaway vacation, and you don't feel like walking all the way to the master bedroom, you can just stay right here and…ahem…finish what you started."

Grandma paused the tape then and said aloud, "Oh, my gosh!" Joe just shook his head and laughed.

In the next second, she started playing the tape again, and Asana told them all about the sitting room, which _also _had a sofa bed in it, and Lilly and Kip told them everything one of their two new bathrooms had to offer, which included a bathtub with a Jacuzzi. Then as they were walking through the spacious corridors, I pointed out another important feature.

"As I'm guessing my two favorite lovebirds have noticed by now," I said, "there are several smaller couches adorning the halls of your new Love Shack. As with the sofa beds in the lounge and the sitting room, these are more than just ordinary couches. They're futons that _also _fold out into beds, so if while you're out here on vacation, you two are standing around in the corridors and you're in the mood for some serious lovin' and you just can't wait to get to the bedroom, you don't have to! After all, lovin' is what your new Love Shack is all about!"

Again Joe had a big belly laugh, and Grandma cried out, "Oh for heaven's sake, Mia!" Then she had a big laugh, too.

Next, Lilly and Kip gave them a tour of the greenhouse – which _happened _to have its own futon in there as well – and then Lionel gave them a tour of the indoor pool area, which of course had the hot tub and the heart-shaped indoor pool, which did give them plenty more laughs. Afterwards, I took over the tour again and told them about their dining room, which again had its own futon, and about their kitchen. Like the rest of the beach house, it was a light-colored, spacious room, but it did have one very unique feature to it.

"Before we move on to the master bed and bath, there's one final thing you guys need to know about your new Love Shack kitchen. There is something very special about this kitchen that makes this the perfect place to come to after dinner…_to enjoy dessert!_"

After I said that, Joe told Grandma, "Clarisse, I'm getting scared again."

"I think I am, too," she teased.

Then I instructed them to press a gold round button on one of the kitchen walls, and as soon as Joe pressed it, an electric Murphy bed unfolded out of another kitchen wall. Grandma rolled her eyes, and yet again, Joe laughed.

"Well my darling, you do have to hand it to the kids. They certainly covered everything!" said Joe as Grandma paused the tape recorder again.

"I'll say!" Grandma agreed. "Mia is _so silly _sometimes!" she said in a laugh.

"She definitely has a sense of humor and fun."

"Indeed, she does. I think Mia and her friends really enjoyed themselves while they were out here."

"Oh, I'm certain they did."

"Are you feeling brave enough for me to start the tape again?" Grandma kidded.

"I think so," Joe replied, and then Grandma started playing it once more.

I directed them to the master bedroom and bathroom then, and I immediately pointed out a very important feature of the bedroom which again, made Grandma and Joe crack up completely: the bedroom door which, rather than being equipped with a _Do Not Disturb _sign, instead actually had the words _Do Not Disturb _carved into the door itself in professional fancy cursive writing!

Lionel took over from that point, and he instructed them to go to the adjoining bathroom of the master bedroom next. After he pointed everything else out to them, including another bathtub with a Jacuzzi in it, he had a little something to say to Joe.

"Joseph, as you know, we've all tried our best to make sure you and Queen Clarisse enjoy your new Love Shack. However, even in your new romantic beachside Love Shack, certain…_problems _could possibly occur for…gentlemen in your age group, and we wanted to make sure to have you covered _just in case _you happened to have a little trouble in paradise. If you'll open the door to the medicine cabinet, you'll understand what I'm talking about." Joe opened the door to the medicine cabinet then – and found a plentiful supply of Viagra and Cialis! When Grandma saw it, yet again, she laughed out loud. "When lovin' becomes a malice in the romance of the Aurora Borealis, race to the Cialis! When lovin' fails you at the falls of Niagara, reach for the Viagra!" Grandma paused the tape and laughed even harder and louder than she'd been laughing already, while Joe growled.

"As soon as we get back, Clarisse, I'm breaking his neck," he calmly declared. Grandma continued to laugh until she very nearly cried.

When she started the tape again, I finished the tour with the master bedroom, pointing out all kinds of things such as the stereo and nearby stand that was filled with their favorite romantic CDs, in addition to the fact that their queen-sized bed vibrated, and the fact that there was a remote control near the bed that could turn on music, dim the lighting, and make the bed vibrate all at the touch of a button. However, even if I do say so myself, I think the best part was my little joke at the end of the tour. Joe's maternal grandfather was actually born and raised in Italy, and the fact that Joe was one-quarter Italian turned out to be a very useful piece of knowledge.

"Okay, you guys, that's it. The tour of your brand new Love Shack is now over. I love you guys, and I hope you have loads of fun while you're here on what I hope will turn out to be a real second honeymoon for you. As you both know, you are officially under orders from your Queen to stay at the Love Shack on your second honeymoon for at least the next two weeks, and you are also under orders to relax and enjoy yourselves. Joe, I know we were picking on you just now with the Cialis and Viagra jokes, but all kidding around and pranks aside, I really want you to have a great time with Grandma. And Grandma, I want you to allow yourself to kick back and take it easy and have fun, just you…_and your Italian stallion!_"

The instant I made that crack on the tape, _they both _laughed 'til they cried. Meanwhile, as Grandma and Joe had their laughs about what we did with the Love Shack and enjoyed their second honeymoon there together for the next twelve days, things got at least somewhat back to normal at the palace. Lionel and I stuck to our agreement to keep our new relationship to ourselves, and we constantly behaved as professionally as humanly possible when in the presence of others, although it was pure heaven for both of us when we got to be alone together and really had the chance to be ourselves.

But while it was _amazing _to be in love, I still had to focus on all my duties as a queen. During their twelve days away at the Love Shack, I made sure to get as much work done as possible, which wasn't easy because a couple of days after Grandma and Joe left, I started getting sick, which really worried Lionel and everyone else. Everybody kept getting on my case to stop working so hard, especially Lionel, but I insisted because my work helped distract me a little from how bad I was feeling. Things finally got so bad one day that I could barely breathe, and it was then that Shades rushed me to the hospital in one of our cars. X-rays soon showed that I had pneumonia, and I was told that it was severe enough that I would probably be spending the next several days in the hospital at least.

After I was settled in my hospital suite a little while later that day, I called Joe's cell and told him a little bit about what was happening with me because that was back before he and Grandma had decided that they would shut themselves off from the rest of the world while they were at the Love Shack, and I wanted them to hear about my situation from me and not from the press. But I purposely gave him as little details as possible, and I downplayed things as much as I could, and I couldn't have been more emphatic that I wanted him and Grandma to stay at the Love Shack and finish their second honeymoon. However, very quickly after we hung up, Joe and Grandma called and talked to Charlotte, and unfortunately, she was a lot more truthful about my condition than I was. My doctors didn't feel the need to put me in the ICU, but I did have pneumonia in both my lungs and I did need to be on oxygen, and with everything my body had already been through in previous months, they had told me that my condition was rather serious. I was determined not to make a big deal out of it, though, and _especially _not to Joe and Grandma.

But as I said, Charlotte was a lot more honest with them than I was, and after they got off the phone with her, like the true parents they were at heart, they cut their second honeymoon short and came back to Pyrus to be with me in the hospital. It was about four in the afternoon when they arrived, and I'd fallen asleep a couple of hours earlier. I had a nasal cannula delivering oxygen through my nose, as well as an I.V. in my arm giving me antibiotics to combat my pneumonia, and I doubt I was a very pleasant sight to them.

They talked with Lionel and Shades for a couple of moments as they brought Grandma and Joe up to date on everything that had been going on with me while they'd been away, and it was the sound of their voices that woke me up.

"Well look who's awake," Grandma said sweetly, and then she kissed my cheek.

"What're you guys doing here? You still have to be away on your second honeymoon for at least two more days. Are you young lovers disobeying your Queen?" I teased them, and everybody laughed.

"Not technically, sweetheart," Joe answered. "You see, according to your orders, your grandma and I are banished from _the palace _for the next two days. You didn't say we were banished from the hospital."

I jokingly wagged a finger at him and told him, "You're splitting hairs, Joe, and you don't have that many hairs left to split." Again, everyone laughed.

"Ha, ha, ha. Very funny."

"Well you guys are officially banished from the hospital, too," I told them. "You can't go anywhere except to your Love Shack until you've finished your second honeymoon."

Grandma just rolled her eyes at me and said, "We're not going anywhere, little girl, until you're well again and out of the hospital."

"I'll be well again and out of the hospital before you know it. You kids get back to that honeymoon of yours. That's an order."

"You can't order us away from you when you're sick, little one," Grandma said gently after she took my hand. She was sitting in a chair by my bed and Joe was standing just behind her. "We need to be with you when you're sick because we love you so much."

"That's right," Joe said quietly. "We could never enjoy a romantic getaway if our little girl isn't well. We'll have plenty of time to finish that second honeymoon up later, but right now, we want and we need to be here with you."

"Did I ever tell you guys you're stubborn?" I kidded them.

"_Well of course we're stubborn,_" said Grandma. "We're parents. It's our job to be stubborn where you're concerned."

I laughed a little bit and said, "Okay, okay. You guys win. I won't try to banish you from the hospital."

"Good girl," Grandma said to me with another loving smile.

"You look tired, my dear," said Joe. "Why don't you just go back to sleep for a while?"

"I think that's a good idea," Grandma agreed.

"Maybe I will in a few minutes. First though, I want to know what you two think of the Love Shack."

"Oh darling, it's beautiful," Grandma told me. "It's wonderfully romantic. And hilarious! You kids are so crazy!" she said with a laugh, and I smiled.

"All of the craziness aside, though, it's really quite lovely," Joe said. "It's obvious that you and your friends put a great deal of work into this, and it means an awful lot to us."

"Is it romantic enough for you?" I asked, and Joe laughed out loud.

Grandma laughed a little more quietly, and she replied, "Plenty romantic!"

"Indeed!" Joe agreed.

"I think you inherited your sense of mischief from your father."

"I think I inherited it from both Mom and Dad. Mom had a lot of mischief in her soul, too."

"And speaking of mischievous souls, Lionel, one of these days, _I am going to kill you _for that little stunt in the master bathroom," Joe teased him. Naturally, I had to rise to his defense.

"Don't kill Lionel, Joe," I protested. "He's my friend." He was way more than that by then of course, but we obviously weren't ready to start telling people about us yet.

"Can I at least hit him?" he continued to joke.

"No."

"How about if I hit him with a pillow?" he persisted.

"Pillows are okay," I agreed, and then I yawned.

"Okay love, I think you need to rest now," Grandma said gently. "Go back to sleep."

"Okay," I whispered, and a few moments later, I was sound asleep once again.

Fortunately, that hospital stay wasn't nearly as long and difficult as the one I'd had before it. I was over my bout with pneumonia and released from the hospital in less than a week, with Grandma, Joe, and Lionel by my side the entire time. Hospital stays have always driven me crazy, but Grandma and Joe kept me sane as they told me all about their first reactions to the Love Shack and our wacky guided tour on tape, and having Lionel there with me through it all kept me sane as well. We talked about everything from decorating the Love Shack to Royal Security, and it was during one of our conversations together about Royal Security during my hospital stay that I learned that Joe had actually had guards stationed near the beach house while we were away. Joe and Grandma hadn't known everything about the Love Shack, while we were away working on it, but the guards had kept Joe, in his own words, somewhat informed about what we were doing there. I hadn't exactly been thrilled to learn that, of course, but as Joe explained, Lionel didn't have enough experience in security just yet for Joe as Royal Head of Security to feel confident enough to have him protecting us all on his own. I was disappointed to learn that Joe had actually had a little bit of an idea of what we'd been doing in Mertz, but yet it warmed my heart too because he made it crystal clear that he'd only done it because of how much he loved me and how determined he was to make sure I was safe at all times. All their love for me kept me going like nothing else in the world could.

* * *

Now as I laid next to Lionel in bed, remembering all our antics with the Love Shack, how my relationship with Lionel had changed, and all the love and support I'd constantly received from him and from Grandma and Joe, I just marveled at it. Sure, my road in life had been tougher than most, but what I had with the good Lord, Lionel, Claire, Rosie, Grandma, and Joe made it more than worth it in the end.

I turned over in bed then and gave Lionel a kiss and whispered, "Love you."

Lionel smiled and gave me another kiss and said, "I love you too, baby. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, love," I told him, and then we turned out the lights.


	14. Asking Questions

Note to readers: I sincerely apologize for taking so incredibly long to update _Quiet Strength. _A lot of personal problems have been going on in my life that I won't get into, but because of all the chaos that's been happening to me lately, I just couldn't bring myself to face my writing. I am truly sorry, and I will try to update more often from now on. Thank you to everyone willing to stay with this story for so long. I also want to say a big thank you to everyone who has in recent weeks faved, followed, or reviewed _Quiet Strength. _Any and _ALL _shows of support for this fic are deeply appreciated. Thank you all for your patience.

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Nicholas_

Unable to sleep tonight, I went downstairs to my office to get some paperwork done. Ever since Mia was almost killed several years ago and I'd had to step in, I'd been given my own suite and my own office in the palace. A few minutes after I sat down at my desk and started working, I heard the sound of voices and people walking down the corridor. I then looked at the clock on my desk and saw that it was a quarter past two, and I realized that Mia, Lionel, and the other guards must have just gotten back to the palace after working another shift at the Pyrus Women's Shelter.

To mine and really _everyone's _amazement, shortly after Mia came home from the hospital six and a half years ago, she insisted on returning to her volunteer work. According to palace rumors, Mia had gotten into a few rows over it with Queen Clarisse and Joseph, but she'd stood her ground and in the end, it was decided that she would continue with her work there three nights a week, but only if she allowed a team of her royal guards to accompany her. Ever since then, Mia donned a new disguise as a redhead and went to work there, just as she had before. To say the least, her ongoing dedication to the Pyrus Women's Shelter was deeply respected by everyone in the palace – especially me. I did help her out as much as I could, but she still did a great deal of good for Genovia every day politically, and on top of all the legislation she was constantly working on to improve the lives of all Genovians, she was also still willing to roll up her sleeves and get involved in the people's lives on a personal level. And she continued to do all these things _despite _the fact that she suffered from asthma, significant heart and lung damage, some liver and kidney damage, _and _post-traumatic stress disorder. To put it mildly, for the past six and a half years I've been watching her do this, I have been in awe of the reigning Queen of Genovia. However, I certainly didn't feel that way about Mia in the beginning.

As I overheard Mia's voice talking to Lionel and to her guards in the corridor, I couldn't help but think back on all the ways both she and our relationship had changed over the years. At first, Mia had been this sweet, shy, insecure, yet reckless and impulsive princess, and today she was a remarkably wise, strong, confident, yet amazingly loving and humble queen. And at first, Mia and I had been adversaries; then we became friends; then we dated; then we went back to being adversaries to a certain extent for a little while; then we became friends again, as well as esteemed colleagues. And Mia was not the only person who'd changed over the years; in fact, I was certain that I'd probably changed a lot more than she had. I was definitely _not _the same person I used to be. While I knew I was very far from perfect, I also knew that I was far wiser and more mature than I had been, and I knew it was all because the good Lord had sent Mia into my life. As I got to thinking about the past, I allowed my mind to drift back to the way things were when I was younger.

* * *

Ever since Mia officially accepted her royal title as the Crown Princess of Genovia when she was sixteen, my uncle, Viscount Arthur Mabrey, unequivocally _despised _her, and he'd taught me to do the same. The thought of "a lowly American commoner" like Mia Thermopolis ascending the Genovian throne one day, a girl who was "obviously clueless about how to behave properly in royal society," and most importantly, "had never spent any time in Genovia and knew nothing of its culture," utterly infuriated him, as he'd told me time and again over the years in his rants. And at the time, I'd honestly believed that my uncle, as a leader in the Genovian political arena himself, had that attitude because he truly cared about the people of Genovia and wanted what was best for our country. And although Mia was clearly a sweet and caring young girl, my uncle had had a real point. Yes, according to our law, _she did _have the right to rule because she was the daughter of Prince Philippe, but back then at least, my uncle and I, as well as other Genovian political officials, believed that her future ascension to the Genovian throne was terribly unfair. And over the years, as Mia made the choice to remain living in San Francisco with her mother rather than to move to Genovia and spend some real time getting to know its culture and its people, and as she made to choice to yet again remain in America when she went to university, the animosity my uncle and I felt for her only grew that much deeper.

But then, I met her, and I got to know her. After years of seeing the scathing, unfair way she was sometimes portrayed in the media, I honestly believed Mia Thermopolis was little more than a stupid, clumsy idiot who didn't have the slightest clue what she was doing and had no business whatsoever becoming a ruler. And it was certainly true that she'd made her share of mistakes since she first came onto the Genovian royal scene at age sixteen. When she was younger, she had been pretty naïve and short-sighted about a lot of the things she did and said; she'd often made the mistake of letting her emotions get the best of her and acting on those emotions, not thinking about what the consequences would be later. In other words, she'd been a typical young person in her late teens and early twenties. However, although she was inexperienced at royal life and didn't always think all her decisions through, I soon learned that simple inexperience and youthful impulsiveness were the very worst of her faults. One day back when I'd been trying to steal the crown, while I'd been staying in the palace at the invitation of Queen Clarisse, I went up to Mia and I started hitting her with a barrage of questions about the intricacies of the Genovian government and its politics, and she'd so impressed me with the depth of her knowledge that I was stunned. I immediately realized that she was far brighter than she'd been portrayed in the media, and that I'd jumped to a lot of unfair conclusions about her. We had several more conversations about Genovia after that, including discussions about what she planned to do for Genovia as a ruler should my efforts fail and she ascend the throne, and again, I was impressed with her answers. She convinced me that even though she wasn't born and raised in Genovia, she deeply cared for its people and wanted to do as much good for my country as she possibly could.

It took me a little while to come around, though. My uncle had been preparing me for the time he and I would come out of the shadows, remind Parliament of my place in the Genovian royal line of succession, and one day take the crown, for many years of my life. I wasn't entirely prepared to abandon all our years of planning, just because the Princess of Genovia turned out to be such a bright and caring young lady who did in fact love our country. However, the more time I spent with her and the more time I saw her in action as a princess, especially with all the work she did to have her second palace in Libbet converted into a children's home – despite the opposition of Parliament – the more I came to respect her. In the end, I decided that I respected and cared for her too much to try and steal the crown away from her and her family.

Therefore, my plans changed. I couldn't deny it that I was very attracted to Mia and that I had feelings for her. I even told her I loved her, but what Mia hadn't known at the time we started dating was that I had told _dozens _of girls I loved them, when in fact, my feelings for them had never really run that deep. I'd merely told them that because I knew those three little words were what every girl just _had _to hear if she was going to let a guy sleep with her. I'd loved their _bodies _for the pleasure they could give me in bed, but I'd never really loved _them. _I _had _liked, cared for, and admired Mia, but the entire two years we'd dated, I never really _loved _her, at least not more than I'd loved myself and my own desires. But I'd told her those three little words anyway, because I _still _wanted to be involved in how Genovia was ruled. I knew that regardless of her earlier immaturity and mistakes as a royal, she was an intelligent young woman with a lovely heart, who would honestly try her best to always do right by Genovia no matter what, but back then, that still hadn't been enough for me. I still wanted there to be _someone _involved in the ruling of Genovia _who was actually a true Genovian_, so after I told Parliament I refused to be King of Genovia at Mia's almost-wedding to Andrew Jacoby, I made the decision that I would do whatever I had to do in order to be in a relationship with Mia, and that one day, I would convince her to marry me and make me a co-ruler with her, a prince regent rather than a prince consort. And, _I had thought_, anyway, I would enjoy a lot of great sex with Mia along the way. As it usually goes in life, though, life itself turned out far more differently from my plans.

During all our discussions together in the weeks before she became Queen, she had made her feelings about her faith crystal clear. At first, I didn't really buy it. I'd thought to myself that there was _no way _Mia would actually stick to the insane, archaic beliefs of Christianity, especially the belief in abstaining from sex until marriage. Mia had certainly never behaved like a typical snobbish, preachy, Bible-thumping, hypocritical Christian, and I'd been surprised when she told me that she really did take the whole born-again thing seriously. She'd gone on to tell me that she'd never been very vocal about her faith in the past because of the terrible way a lot of professing Christians acted, and that she hadn't wanted people to think she was some kind of cold, legalistic hypocrite. She went on to explain that she felt that the best way to show others the love of Christ was through the way she lived her life, and that it was her hope as a Christian that others would see something special about the way she lived and as they got to know her and she got the chance to share her faith with them, they would be inspired to get to know Jesus for themselves. All the other "Christians" I'd known up to that point in my life had really repulsed me, including my uncle. He'd only gone to church every Sunday for show, nothing more, and every other "Christian" I'd seen in my life had been the same way. Mia was one of the precious few Christians I'd met who hadn't repulsed me with phoniness and hypocrisy. Yet even though I hadn't believed in Jesus back then, I played the part and pretended that I was also a Christian because I knew I had no choice but to do so if I was ever going to have any kind of political position in Genovia at all, since it was a predominantly Christian country. I'd let Mia think that I was also a truly born-again Christian because I couldn't have rumors circulating through the palace that I wasn't.

However, in spite of how strongly Mia felt about her Christian beliefs, including what I'd considered at the time to be her ridiculously old-fashioned ideas about not having premarital sex, I had believed in the beginning that I'd eventually be able to talk her into going to bed with me sooner or later. I'd managed to talk my way into the beds of a lot of Christian girls in the past, who'd told me they wanted to wait until they got married, and I'd believed Mia would be no different. To say the very least though, I'd been quite wrong. I'd been wrong about the way I'd expected the whole premarital sex issue to play out in our relationship, and I'd also been wrong about all my other expectations. I'd expected to be able to date Mia for a good five years or so before I'd actually have to commit to marriage, and I'd also expected to be able to enjoy a little sex on the side if I actually couldn't get Mia in bed like all the other Christian girls before her. Both my parents died when I was a small child and I was raised by my aunt and uncle, and to put it mildly, they hadn't exactly had the happiest or the most stable marriage in the world, so even though I did plan on marrying Mia someday, I was _not _in any hurry to get to the altar. I'd really expected to be able to have a few more years of "fun" before I had to settle down with Mia.

But naturally, things did _not _go according to plan. About a year and a half into our relationship, after I finally gave up on trying to seduce Mia, I started seeing an old girlfriend on the side, a girl who I knew was easy and only interested in sex and nothing else. As I know now, of course, I had been an_ unbelievable idiot _to honestly think that I could cheat on the Queen of Genovia and not get caught. I'd had a lot more experience in the life of Genovian politics than Mia did, and I'd also had plenty of experience in evading the paparazzi, and I'd arrogantly believed I knew how to play the game and that I could get away with my indiscretions.

When the truth about everything came out in the press, reporters, the palace staff, Queen Clarisse, Joseph, Lilly, and the entire country of Genovia basically ate me for lunch, which was more than understandable and to be expected. But in spite of the fact that everybody else hated my guts for hurting Mia, I was still fairly confident that if I told her over and over again how sorry I was and constantly begged for her forgiveness, I would eventually wear her down and convince her to let me back into her good graces. And after three weeks of endless apologizing, groveling, pleading for forgiveness, and even a little crying, my efforts eventually succeeded, much to everyone else's dismay. Since her parents' divorce and the resulting absence of her father from her life had taken such a terrible toll on her inside, she simply couldn't bring herself to give up on our relationship very easily. She wanted to at least try to make things work between us, and to my great shame, I took full advantage of that.

I hadn't manipulated my way into a relationship with Mia because I'd wanted to hurt her in any way, nor had I cheated on her for that reason. I'd pretended to be in love with Mia because I'd honestly wanted to do what I believed was the right thing for Genovia, and I'd cheated on her because at the time, I had been little more than a stupid teenage boy at heart who'd been thinking with only one organ, and it _wasn't _my brain. But regardless of the fact that I hadn't meant to hurt her, I knew that I _had_ hurt her very badly and deep down, I really hated myself for it. As _a whole lot of people _in the palace had told me in so many words, Mia was a wonderful young lady who deserved better, and I knew they were right. Joseph, Lionel, and Shades each let me know in private conversations, in no uncertain terms, that if I ever did anything to hurt Mia again in any way, there would be grave consequences – grave _physical _consequences, that is. Even before they did that, though, I'd already made up my mind that I would never again do anything to hurt Mia. I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex again until I'd repaired all the damage I'd done to our relationship and Mia felt she could trust me enough to be married to me. Maybe I wasn't entirely in love with her as I'd claimed to be, but she was by far one of the most loving people I'd ever known and during our two years together, my respect for her had greatly increased. Even though I didn't share her Christian beliefs at the time, I still cared about her and from that point forward, I intended to be the kind of partner I knew she deserved to have.

Yet again, however, things failed to go according to plan. The old girlfriend I'd cheated on Mia with, Lady Judith Steel, had called me on my cell phone one evening while I was at the palace. While Mia was wrapping up a late meeting with a couple of Parliament members in her office, I was outside taking a stroll through the palace garden when my cell phone began vibrating. I answered it of course, and to say the least, I wasn't exactly pleased when I realized the voice on the other end of the line belonged to Judith.

"Judith, I can't talk right now," I told her in an aggravated, hushed whisper. I'd been quite certain I was alone outside, but I didn't _dare _run the risk of anybody in the palace discovering the fact that I was talking to the woman I'd cheated on Mia with. "I'm at the palace and this isn't appropriate."

"Please, Nicholas; give me a break, here," said her exasperated voice. "You're acting like you're _married _to Mia for goodness sake! And even if you two actually _were _married, you know as well as I do that you wouldn't hesitate for a second to fool around with other women. The entire country of Genovia knows what a ladies' man you are! You couldn't care less about relationships; the only thing you ever care about is good sex, just like me. Besides, everybody who's known you as long as I have can see it as clear as day that you don't love her. You're just pretending that you do because you want to marry the Queen someday and convince her to make you prince regent. You're a wicked, conniving snake, just like your uncle. The only thing you care about is power. Just admit it, and stop trying to act like you're some kind of good guy all of the sudden. Stop avoiding me at every turn. You know you want to get back in bed with me just as badly as I want to get back in bed with you." The moment she said that, the more logical side of me told me that I should hang up the phone right then and there, but my emotions got the best of me after she accused me of being as bad as my uncle and I couldn't resist the urge to fight back against what she'd said.

"You know Judith, a few months ago, you actually would have been right about a lot of the things you just said. Ever since we were teenagers, it seems that sex is the only thing either of us ever really cared about. But I'm not like that anymore, and I'm not like my uncle. Yes, _it is true _that I'm not really in love with Mia, and it's also true that I'm only in this relationship because I hope to become a prince regent someday and rule Genovia with her. But I do _not _want to become prince regent because I'm some kind of horrible, selfish person who only cares about getting power for himself like my uncle. I want to become co-ruler of Genovia because I love my country, and because I think it's best for our nation if there's a true native Genovian making at least _some _of the decisions of how this country is run. Queen Mia is a wonderful young woman and she's done a great job of ruling, and I know she has in fact been very good for Genovia, but I still think it's best for Genovia to be ruled, or at least _co_-ruled, by someone like me who was born and raised here. _That's _why I'm doing this.

"As for me being a ladies' man, you are absolutely right. I was a real womanizer once before in my life, _but not anymore. _I may not be in love with Mia, but I do care about her and I do respect her, _and I will not _do anything to hurt her like that ever again. You can _forget _about us ever having another one of our flings. That's never going to happen. You and I are done. Don't ever call me again," I told her, and then I hung up.

And in that very moment after I ended the call and stuck my cell phone back into my jacket pocket, I turned around and saw Mia standing there…with a heartbroken look on her face.

After a long, awkward, painful silence between us, Mia finally said, "So that's what it's all been about this entire time, huh? You never really loved me or wanted to be with me; you just wanted to become a prince."

"I guess I'm busted," I said quietly, not knowing what else to tell her.

"I guess you are," she agreed.

"Mia, I just want to say that it wasn't about the title. I just think that Genovia should be ruled– "

"By a true native Genovian," Mia finished my sentence. "Yes, I know. I heard you. You know Nicholas, I can understand why you didn't want me to rule at first. As someone who spent a large portion of her life as an American, I know how I would've felt if the American presidency were given to someone who'd only spent a few summers out of her entire life there. But you should know it by now that even though I do have some significant political power in our government as a ruler, _I do not _rule Genovia alone, and _certainly _not without the input of other Genovians. There are a lot of Genovians who advise me and give me their opinions of how they think our government should be run, and they share their ideas and concerns with me, _and I always listen to those opinions, ideas, and concerns. _Despite the political power I have, _I am not _some dictator. There's a whole team of true native Genovians who are ruling this country right along with me, and if they like something that I'm thinking of doing, I go ahead with it, and if they're against it, I don't. Maybe I wasn't born and raised here, but _I love _the Genovian people, _my people. _I have dedicated _my entire life _to taking care of them. You may have had more knowledge about the overall culture and politics of Genovia than I did at first, but let me tell you something: all the knowledge in the world is pretty worthless without love. Your being a true native Genovian still wouldn't qualify you to be a capable ruler _or _co-ruler of this country because if you could lie to me and use me like that for _two years_, then something's wrong with your conscience, and you don't really know how to love."

"I wasn't trying to hurt you, Mia. I really was trying to do what I believed was the right thing."

"I know you were trying to do what you thought was best for Genovia, but you went about it the wrong way. The ends don't always justify the means, Nicholas."

Whether I liked it or not, I had to admit it now that I had just _completely _lost. As I looked into her deeply hurt, yet strong and determined eyes, I knew it was over; that I had absolutely no chance of salvaging things between us now.

"I won't apologize for trying to do what I believed was best for my country," I told her. "But I do want to say for the record that I think very highly of you. I think you're an exceptional young lady. And I am very, very sorry that I hurt you. For what it's worth, I honestly didn't mean to."

"After everything you've done and after the way you've manipulated me all this time, I'm afraid your apologies aren't worth very much," she told me bluntly, and in truth, I didn't blame her. I knew she had every right to feel that way. "Please leave now."

"Of course," I said, and then I obliged and left the palace. It was the last time I saw Mia before she was nearly killed three months later. And to put it mildly, Mia's brush with death threw the entire country of Genovia – and my life – into chaos.

Naturally, there were two enormous questions weighing on every Genovian's mind during that awful time: one, would our Queen survive, and two, if she did not, who then would be ruling our country? I had made it quite clear back when Mia put a stop to her wedding to Andrew that as long as she wanted to rule Genovia, I no longer had any desire to stand in her way and try to become Genovia's king myself. But when Mia was incapacitated, the entire country wanted to know and had every right to know if my feelings about not becoming King of Genovia had changed. If they had not, it would have been the von Trokens who would rule in Mia's place, either temporarily if she survived and recovered, or permanently if she did not. When Mia's mother died suddenly only about a year and a half after she first ascended the throne, it made her mindful of her own mortality and after we had a long talk about it, she got me to promise her that if anything unexpected should ever happen to her, I would step in and take care of Genovia. And while Mia was in the hospital after the attack, I kept my promise to her and ruled in her place. It was the worst experience of my life, for several reasons, many of which revolved around my dear old uncle.

Several days after Mia was first attacked, I was sitting at Mia's desk in her office getting some paperwork done when my uncle showed up. After watching him manipulate other people for his own personal gain for so many years, I finally had enough when I realized at Mia's almost-wedding to Andrew Jacoby that he was using me too and that not even I, the person he'd always claimed to love as his own son, was immune to his selfishness and greed. I'd told him then that we were finished, and I'd meant it. I never contacted him again after that day, and although he'd tried to contact me quite a few times over the next couple of years, I'd refused to reciprocate. My uncle was the man who'd raised me and he was, in fact, the closest thing to a father I'd ever had and I'd never stopped loving him, but I knew I couldn't be in his life as long as he only saw me as an object for him to use for his own selfish schemes. However, like the whole rest of the country at the time, I too was shell-shocked by what had happened to Mia; so shell-shocked, in fact, that when my uncle came to see me in Mia's office that day, I just couldn't send him away. He was the only family I had left anymore and I didn't want to lose that, so when he asked me to meet with him at his house later that evening, I agreed.

When I was standing in my uncle's lounge that night, I knew something was wrong because I could see it in his eyes. When I looked into his eyes, I saw pure, utter delight, _joy_ even, and I knew in my gut that that was _not _a good sign. Sadly, my uncle really was the type of person who was never overly bothered by the pain and misfortune of others, and he even took a great amount of joy in it at times, especially when something terrible happened to someone he considered to be an enemy. He actually drank champagne the night of Prince Philippe's fatal car accident, and he now had the same joyful gleam in his eyes that he'd had then, and it just made me sick. I figured in that moment that he'd called me there to have someone to celebrate Mia's getting tortured with, and it was all I could do to keep from punching his lights out right then and there. I could see it in his face that he was not only _happy_, but _thrilled _that Mia was lying comatose in a hospital bed in the ICU, on a respirator and barely clinging to life. I immediately made up my mind that I would give him exactly thirty seconds to say his piece to me and then I was walking out the door, for good.

"I must say, you had been doing an excellent job with her these past couple of years, my boy," he said to me, finally breaking the tense silence between us. "It's quite a shame you had to go and ruin it by messing around with that old girlfriend of yours."

I knew I shouldn't have taken the bait; that I should have instantly just turned around and walked out the door and never looked back, but I couldn't help but ask, "What do you mean I'd been 'doing an excellent job with her'?"

"Come now, Nicholas; don't be daft, and don't play me for a fool! It didn't take me long to figure out what you were up to, and why. While you spent some time with Mia that summer, you developed feelings for her, a bit of a crush, perhaps, and you realized in the end that you cared for her too much to hurt her and her family by stealing her crown. Therefore, you decided you would do the next best thing. You would get her to fall in love with you and one day, you would convince her to marry you and make you a ruling prince alongside her. I knew it all along that you yearned to rule Genovia, just as I always have."

"It's not that I wanted to rule Genovia, Uncle. I don't crave power the way that you do. I just didn't think it was entirely fair for Genovia to be ruled by an American instead of a true Genovian. Now, I realize that I was wrong. It doesn't matter in the end that she wasn't born and raised here; it only matters that she truly loves this country with all her heart, and I know she does. Heck, she's more devoted to Genovia than I am, because as much as I do love our country, I know that if push came to shove, I would _never _have the guts to put my life on the line for Genovia the way Mia did."

"Unfortunately," he sighed, "you do have a point. What the girl did was truly courageous. I do give her that. But fortunately for us, the girl has far more courage than she has sense."

It infuriated me the way he kept calling Mia "the girl" like she was just any other young woman in the world; she wasn't. She was the reigning Queen of Genovia, the finest ruler Genovia had ever seen. However, as angry as I was about his blatant disrespect of Mia, I was even more worried by the phrase, 'fortunately for us.'

"'Fortunately for us'? What do you mean, 'fortunately for us'?"

"I understand where you were coming from two years ago, my boy. Believe it or not, I was a young lad like you once, myself. I know how it is when you have feelings for a girl. You think you'd go to the moon and back for her if you had to. I've been there. I understand why you didn't want to steal Mia's crown from her. I even understand why you pushed me away. Love makes you do the craziest, dumbest things at times. I also understand that your commitment to your country has always outweighed whatever feelings of infatuation you may have had for Mia in the beginning, which we both know is why you stayed in that relationship with her for so long. But in the end, your plans to become a ruling prince failed, which is why I knew it was time to get you to go back to our original plan to make you not a prince regent, but a _king_, the reigning King of Genovia."

When he said that to me, I felt even sicker than I'd been feeling already. He'd wanted me to meet with him because he was going to try to use Mia's grave condition to his own advantage. Even now, in such an awful time for the Renaldis as this, my uncle was selfishly scheming to try and steal their crown and their position from them. Not even _now_ could he find the basic human decency in his soul to simply let them be during this terrible time.

"Uncle, what are saying?" I asked abruptly. My patience with him was truly wearing thin.

"Nicholas, you're not a child any longer, and you're not the young lad with a crush you were two years ago, either. You're a man now, and it's time that you face facts about politics, not just here in Genovia but in _every _country. Politics is a dirty game, and if you intend to stick around and play this game for as long as I have, then you're going to get your hands dirty every once in a while. _It happens. _It's inevitable. Since your relationship with Mia came to an end three months ago and it became clear you were never going to rule Genovia at her side as a prince, I knew I had to step in and do something to get that silly imitation of a queen out of the way."

The instant he said that, my heart stopped. I asked him, "Are you telling me that…that _you _had something to do with what's happened to Mia?!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Nicholas! Grow up! Wake up and open your eyes! _Of course I did! _I did what I had to do; I've _always _done what I've had to do through the years to get those sickening Renaldis off the throne and our family on it! The Renaldis are weak, and they are unworthy of the Genovian crown. But our family is stronger and more cunning than they are. We can always outwit them, and we always have the guts to do whatever we have to do to stop anyone from getting in our way, even if that means from time to time that we have to get a little blood on our hands."

In those moments, it was as if a mask had been torn off my uncle's face. He'd always been rather mean-spirited over the years, even verbally and emotionally abusive to others, but he'd treated me with kindness. I'd falsely believed all along that even though he could be mean to people, deep down underneath his coldhearted nature, there'd been at least a little warmth and caring. But now I realized the truth: my uncle was purely evil, without the smallest trace of kindness or goodness in his soul. He truly was a monster.

And then, as I stared at him in those seconds and my mind replayed the last sentences he spoke, I realized something else: this was not the first time he'd been behind an attack on a member of the Genovian Royal Family.

"Who else have you hurt?" I asked him coldly.

"_I _never hurt anybody, at least not directly. Many years ago, I did try to have King Rupert taken out a couple of times, but I never succeeded. It seemed as though God, Himself was helping him to dodge all of my proverbial bullets. However, with each generation of Renaldis, it just got easier and easier. Luckily, Prince Pierre renounced his royal title on his own, so that took care of him and got him out of the way. And while Prince Philippe was certainly never priest material, he too proved easy for me to get out of the way.

"He did much of the work for me by falling for that ridiculous American commoner and recklessly marrying her behind his family's back. He was so heartbroken by the divorce, and even more so for abandoning his only child. He was strong for a lot of years, determined to do his royal duty just as his mother and father always did, but my patience eventually paid off. There were people in his life he foolishly believed were his friends, but in reality, they were much more _my _friends than they were his. They encouraged and enabled his growing drinking habit for years, telling him to use the alcohol to deaden the pain of losing his young family to the monster of royal duties and obligations. Finally one night, the opportunity presented itself and my people were smart enough to take it. He was out one Friday night, drinking with the people he thought were nothing more than his drinking buddies – and he was without his royal guards. They got him dead drunk, and then they convinced him he was still capable of driving back to the palace on his own. Like the old saying goes, the rest was history – as was Prince Philippe."

As I looked into his eyes and listened to this horrific confession of my uncle's, I knew he was telling me the truth and not only that; I could also tell that he was not the slightest bit ashamed of what he'd done; if anything, he was actually _proud _of it. I wanted to make a fist and knock that evil creature all the way into next week; part of me even wanted to strangle him to death right then and there, but I was so shocked by his shameless confession that I couldn't really bring myself to say or do anything, so I just kept standing there and kept listening to him.

"At first, like a lot of Genovians," he continued, "I was furious when Mia Thermopolis officially accepted her royal title and became the Princess of Genovia. I was furious at the thought of our country someday being ruled by some stupid lowly American commoner. And when that girl suddenly came along out of nowhere, it certainly threw a monkey wrench into the works for you and me. After Prince Philippe was finally done away with, that was supposed to be the end of the Renaldis and their rule. I was making preparations to reveal your true lineage to Parliament when all of the sudden, it's announced in the press that there was another Renaldi heir.

"I didn't worry too much at the time. I could take just one look at her and tell she wasn't royal material. Yet somehow, she defied the odds anyway and despite her obvious stupidity, naiveté, and lack of poise, she still managed to win over a significant portion of the Genovian population. Much to my dismay at the time, I realized I would have no choice but to continue keeping you in the shadows. However much of a thorn in my side the Renaldis have been over the years, they have always been immensely popular with the Genovian people, especially that dreadful Queen Clarisse. Since Queen Clarisse would be remaining in power until Princess Mia came of age, I knew that wouldn't be the best time to reveal your place in the royal bloodline and attempt to steal the crown. I knew we could never take Queen Clarisse's place on the throne and not be hated by all of Genovia for it. But even though a lot of Genovians liked Princess Mia at the time, there were also a lot of people in this country that felt the same way you and I did. The country was split when it came to Princess Mia; Genovia hadn't really made up its mind about her yet. But regardless of the fact that she received endless taunting by the press for her clumsiness and obvious imperfections, there were still a lot of Genovians who really liked her, in addition to all the Genovians who felt as we did, that no American commoner had any place in Genovian royalty. Princess Mia didn't have nearly as much solid support from Genovia at the time as her grandparents before her did, so I believed that when she turned twenty-one and was preparing to take the throne, it would be the ideal time for you and me to step in, and so we did.

"Clearly, that didn't go according to our original plans. You found yourself too smitten with the girl to take her crown away from her. But while you were dating her, preparing to eventually marry her and become a ruling prince, _I _was still preparing to make you a _king_. After that impossible Joseph Romero stepped down as Royal Head of Security, it became a lot easier to infiltrate it by paying guards off."

My heart rate jumped to at least three hundred when he said that. In that moment, I asked him, "What are you trying to tell me, Uncle? Are you saying that _you _were behind what happened to Queen Mia?"

"My boy, I've been behind it from the very beginning. Right from the very instant that Mia Thermopolis was crowned Queen, I've been watching her every move; getting to know her; learning what her greatest weaknesses were. You want to know what Mia's greatest weakness is, son? Her greatest weakness is plain for the world to see: her innocence. Mia is young, inexperienced, and foolish enough to believe that she, a Genovian royal, can just sneak out of the palace alone in the middle of the night, without her guards, and go to work at a place that's filled with women who have dangerous husbands and boyfriends, and not get hurt. Until several days ago, she was not living in the real world, but in the naïve, stupid, foolish world of youth where dreams always come true and there's always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

"And when I learned what our naïve young queen was up to, I paid the guards on the night shift to continue ignoring their duties so she could go right ahead making her usual careless, reckless mistakes. In the meantime, I waited for you to marry Mia so I could arrange for one of the many husbands, ex-husbands, fiancés, or boyfriends in Genovia she's infuriated with the Protection Act to kill her. It would have been the perfect set-up. The young prince, so in love with his royal young bride, making plans to raise a family with her and spend the rest of his life with her, only to lose her one day out of the blue, to a brutal beating. Not only would your place as King of Genovia be secured, you being first in the royal line of succession with the last of the Renaldis out of the way; with you having been the husband of Genovia's deceased young queen, you would've had the support and sympathy of the entire country. Genovia's heart would've bled for the poor young prince who lost his wife so soon."

"But because things failed to go according to your plans once again, you decided to step in now and get Queen Mia out of the way. If our Queen dies, I'm next in line," I said flatly, still too shocked to show emotion. I simply couldn't believe everything I'd just heard.

"Oh, you can be certain of that. There's no way the girl can survive now. Even on life support, it's medically impossible that she'll live much longer. It's only a matter of time until that pathetically foolish American dies and you can finally take your place as Genovia's rightful king."

I suddenly felt as though I would suffocate if I didn't get out of there and away from that beast who called himself my uncle. I couldn't say anything in response; I couldn't think; I could barely even breathe. I just simply _had _to get away from him, so I immediately ran out of my uncle's mansion and got into my car and drove away as quickly as possible. Not knowing where to go, I just started driving until I eventually ended up back at the palace, and it was there in the palace chapel that I ran into Prince Pierre.

"Forgive me, Your Highness," I told him after he turned around. The sound of my walking into the room had obviously interrupted his thoughts or his prayers.

"No, that's quite alright, Lord Devereaux. And please, drop the titles. You don't have to call me 'Your Highness,' and you don't have to call me 'Father.' Just call me Pierre."

"And why don't you drop the titles as well and call me Nicholas?"

"Sounds good to me. Well Nicholas, you look like a young man who's carrying great burdens. Care to talk about it?"

"Actually, yes, I think that's exactly what I need. May I ask you a question first, though?"

"Sure."

"Why are you being so nice to me? Everybody else in Mia's family hates me after what I did to her. And frankly, I'm on their side."

"I know a repentant soul when I see one."

"I guess you would in your profession," I said to Pierre, and he responded with a knowing smile.

"Yes, I do hear a lot of confessions. You're welcome to confess everything to me that's on your mind if want to."

And that's exactly what I did in the palace chapel for the next couple of hours. I told Pierre absolutely everything. I told him about how my aunt and uncle had raised me as their own and how I'd trusted my uncle ever since I was a child. I told him all about all our scheming to try and steal the crown from Mia a couple of years ago, and why I'd pretended to be so in love with Mia that I was interested in marrying her someday. I told him all about the sneaky, underhanded things I did; all the ways I'd tried to use Mia's inexperience and naiveté against her in the past, but I also told him _why _I'd done the things I did, and nothing I told him surprised him at all. Mia had already told her grandmother and her best friend all about our breakup, and it hadn't taken long for word to travel to him.

Then I told him everything my uncle had just told me. I told him all about how my uncle was covertly behind Prince Philippe's accident, and how he was even behind a couple of assassination attempts on King Rupert's life. And finally, I told him all about everything he had done to make sure Mia would get hurt, possibly killed.

"I just don't know what to think anymore," I said quietly. "I mean, all my life, I honestly believed that underneath his mean-spirited nature, he had at least _some _goodness in him. I believed that despite all his years of lying and scheming and manipulating, he really did care about Genovia, and about me. I believed that every lie he told and every underhanded thing he did was for the greater good of Genovia, and for my own good as well. I mean, the man took me in and raised me as his own when I had no one else. I had no idea he was that evil. I just…I just feel so blindsided. I guess I should have seen what was going on all along, but I didn't."

"How could you?" Pierre asked kindly. "His clandestine attempts on King Rupert's life happened well before you were born, and you were only a teenager when my brother was killed. There was no way you could have known what your uncle was up to. Regardless of all the other evil things your uncle has done, he did care for you for many years, and it's not surprising that you would want to at least try to see as much goodness in him as you could, even if that goodness was never truly there. It's quite understandable that all of this would come as such a great shock."

"Pierre, I just want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I am so sorry for all the terrible things my family has done to yours."

"My young friend, it is not your place to apologize for the sins of your uncle. I know he has done horrific things, unspeakable things, to my family, but you are not responsible for any of it. I believe you when you tell me that you had nothing to do with this."

"Thank you. Thank you so much. It's true. I had nothing, _nothing_, to do with what happened to Mia. I know, given the poor way I acted over the course of our relationship, that this may be hard for you to believe, but I do care about Mia a great deal, and I honestly never meant to hurt her like I did, and I would _never _do anything to hurt her on purpose and certainly not this."

"I know."

"It's funny, though. I still feel like Lady Macbeth. I feel like my hands are stained with your family's blood, with _Mia's _blood, and there's no way to get the spot out."

"In a way, we're _all _Lady Macbeth. _We all _have blood on our hands, Nicholas. We've _all _sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and our sins were the reason the Son of God died two thousand years ago."

"Do really believe in all that Christian mumbo-jumbo? That God would kill His own Son to save humanity from an eternity in hell and that if you believe in any other religion, like Islam or Buddhism, you'll burn forever?"

"I believe that Jesus Christ is the one and only way to God the Father, and that _anyone _who rejects Him rejects God and the eternity that could be spent with Him in Heaven. I know it's not the politically correct answer, but yes, that is what I believe. I believe that in God's justice, He could not allow even one sin to go unpunished, but that in His unfathomable, infinite mercy and love, He sent His only Son to pay the price on the cross for us so we wouldn't have to. I believe that the rest is up to us. We can either choose to accept or reject that wondrous gift. If we choose to reject it and try to make it to heaven on our own by trying to be a good enough person, which is basically what every other religion in the world does, we can never make it because God requires perfection. Jesus is the only One who could satisfy God's requirements on behalf of all humanity and did, not Muhammad, not Buddha, not anyone else. All other religions are about people saying in a nutshell, 'We don't need God! We can be good enough on our own! We can do enough good deeds to make it to heaven by ourselves!' But that's not true, Nicholas. We never can. Mercifully, thanks to Jesus Christ, we don't have to."

"But what about you Catholics, trying to earn forgiveness by saying all those Hail Marys all the time?"

Pierre smiled and said, "I do have a confession of my own to make. I live the life of a Catholic priest, but in reality, my beliefs are far closer to the Protestant end of the spectrum. I go through the motions because my position requires it of me, but I strongly disagree with a lot of Catholic beliefs. I don't truly believe that the Pope is infallible, nor do I believe that we can earn forgiveness from God for our sins by doing penance. I don't believe in purgatory, and I disagree with the Catholic Church's stance on other matters as well, such as their position on divorce."

"Wow, that's very interesting. Why don't you have traditional Catholic beliefs?"

"It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it brief. When I was in my early twenties I joined the priesthood, not because I actually felt called by God to do so, but because I wanted out of the responsibilities of becoming a king, and I felt that becoming a priest would be the best way for me to step down as crown prince without causing my family any bad publicity. But regardless of my concern for my family and whatever obligations I felt I owed to them, _I did not _want to rule Genovia. Heck, I wasn't even a true Christian at the time. I just pretended I was. But after years of seminary and missionary trips and endless studying, I got to know Jesus for myself, and I truly became a born-again Christian and came to all these other realizations about traditional Catholic beliefs along the way. I believe with all my heart that God has guided me into becoming the man I am today, as well as my heart and my beliefs and opinions."

"Anyway, I don't know what to think right now about eternity and heaven and hell, but when it comes to _this _life, I know I'm in trouble. You know the reputation I have. You know I'm a ladies' man, a womanizer, and it's a reputation I've earned. My uncle has _literally _been involved in killing people, even if only indirectly, and he never cared. He's never once lost any sleep over it. I don't think I ever fully realized it until now just what an abusive man he is. And now, all of the sudden, I'm beginning to think that maybe there's not that much difference between my uncle and myself. He uses people, even _kills _people, for his own political gain. I never lost much sleep over lying to a woman and manipulating her into going to bed with me so I could use her for my own sexual pleasure. I never spent too much time thinking about all the hearts I broke in the process. I lie, I cheat, I manipulate, just like my uncle. What makes me so different from him? What if I turn into him someday? Where is it, Pierre? Where is that line that you cross where you stop having a conscience and caring if you hurt other people? And if I'm on the road to becoming just as bad as my uncle, how do I get off it?"

"I think that line is different for every person. For some people, it can be crossed as early as their childhood or adolescent years; for others, it takes a lot longer. But the very fact that you're asking these questions means that you haven't crossed it yet; that you do still care, and that's a good sign. As for getting off the destructive road you're on, a path that you mostly inherited from your uncle, there's only one Man who can help you with that in the end, and it isn't me. All I can do is encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. Keep asking questions, Nicholas. Take your questions to Christ and trust Him to give you the answers, in His own time."

"Thank you," I told Pierre. "You've certainly given me a lot to think about."

"Good," he responded, and then he left me alone in the palace chapel with my thoughts.

That was the conversation that helped change my life. After Pierre left, I prayed for God to start helping me find the truth about Him, and after a lot more praying, soul-searching, studying, and asking a lot of questions, I finally did. I didn't have this huge, emotional conversion experience. I didn't see a chorus of angels in the sky, and with all due respect to the Pentecostals, I didn't start speaking in tongues. I simply started finding the answers and inspiration I needed in God's word, and like Pierre and Mia, I got to know Jesus for myself. I didn't become a Christian because that's what my family taught me to believe; I became one because after I was willing to trust Jesus, I saw Him working and proving His existence to me in my everyday life, and thanks to Him, I now not only have eternal life; I'm a much better person than I used to be.

Tragically, the same cannot be said for my uncle. After Pierre told Joseph everything I'd confessed to him that night, he questioned my uncle personally and from what I was told, it didn't take long for him to be intimidated enough by Joseph to cave in and admit to everything. As he'd said to me that night, he confessed to paying off the guards on the night shift so they wouldn't say anything about Mia sneaking out, and he also confessed to paying Dennis Knight a handsome sum of money to kill Mia, and to convincing him that he would use the political power he had to make sure nothing happened to him, which of course had been a lie. During that time, I was investigated as well as my uncle, and after everything was said and done, Joseph and the authorities were convinced that I had nothing to do with what had happened to Mia. Very shortly after that, Arthur Edward Mabrey was stripped of his title, tried and convicted of treason in a military tribunal, and was quickly executed for his crimes. It broke my heart, but sadly, I couldn't help but feel that the world was a safer place now that he was gone, and I was grateful he could never hurt Mia, her family, or anyone else again.

A few weeks later when Mia was beginning to recover, I visited her in the hospital, and I just told her point blank everything that happened between my uncle and me, and I told her the truth, that I'd had nothing to do with the crimes he'd committed against her and her family, and I told her from the bottom of my heart how very sorry I was for all the suffering my family had caused hers. Mercifully for me, just like her Uncle Pierre, Mia knew I was telling the truth, and she very kindly and graciously assured me that she didn't hold me responsible for the evil things my uncle did. I then went on to tell her about my newfound faith in Christ, and I apologized to her for lying about being a Christian before and for all the other lies I'd told her, and this time, I _truly _begged her forgiveness for the way I'd treated her in our relationship. Again, Mia very kindly and graciously forgave me, but she also let me know that I did not yet have her trust; that that was something that would have to be earned over time, which I completely understood.

Over the following weeks and months as she continued to recover, we worked together closely and she helped me and gave me invaluable advice in ruling Genovia. I may have known more about the way politics worked in Genovia a couple of years ago when Mia first moved here, but with over two years of ruling under her belt, the tables were now turned and she actually knew a lot more about how to run things than I did. And as we worked together and I continued to learn from her, both as a ruler and as a Christian, and as she began to see that the changes in me were real, we did slowly but surely become friends with each other again.

* * *

As I overheard Mia and Lionel finishing up their conversation with the guards in the corridor just outside my office, my mind came back to the present. My door was open just a crack and a moment later, I saw through the crack that they were kissing. It would be a lie to say that even now after all these years, that didn't cause me to feel a slight twinge of jealousy deep down in my heart, despite the fact that I knew it was wrong to feel that way. My feelings for Mia had only been mere feelings of infatuation when we were dating, not love, because I'd been too selfish and immature at the time to appreciate what an extraordinary young woman Mia was. Now that I finally did, it was too late. I knew I shouldn't have kept watching them, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. I would have given _anything _to be Lionel now, but obviously, it simply wasn't meant to be. But if I couldn't be the one to love Mia and spend the rest of my life at her side, I was certainly glad that it was somebody like Lionel who thoroughly understood what a remarkable treasure she was.

A couple of moments later, the kiss ended and they went upstairs to bed, and I continued with my paperwork until I felt I was tired enough to get a little sleep. And when I woke up a few hours later, I simply got back to my work. It was an ordinary September day, and everything was business as usual, which was the way things remained when Prime Minister Motaz and I met with Mia later on that afternoon in one of the conference rooms of the palace. It was about one-thirty when our meeting started, and for the next hour and a half, we discussed many of the things we needed to and we got a lot of work accomplished.

However, one moment while Mia was saying something to Sebastian, when she was right in the middle of a sentence, she suddenly cried out, grabbed her chest, and doubled over in pain. Sebastian and I immediately jumped out of our seats, walked over to her, and asked her if she was alright.

"I think I should go get Her Majesty's doctor," Sebastian said.

"I'll go," I said. "You stay with her."

"Gentlemen, please don't talk about me like I'm not even here," said Mia. "And nobody's getting the doctor. Nobody's going anywhere until we get all our work here finished. I'm fine."

"No, Mia, you're not," I said rather forcefully, but only because I was so worried about her, as was Sebastian. "You don't double over and grab your chest like that if you're fine. You were obviously in a lot of pain a moment ago."

"I think my defibrillator went off."

"Well in that case, you should _definitely _see your doctor," Sebastian told her.

"I will, you guys. I will go and see Dr. Adams and have her call all my different heart specialists out here to the palace to examine me if she thinks that's necessary, but first, I'm staying here with you and we're going to finish all our work on this bill so we can have it ready to present to Parliament as soon as possible." We'd recently been working on legislation that, if passed in Parliament, would provide funds and other resources to improve care for the elderly and their living conditions in nursing homes and retirement homes; it would also enforce much stricter legal consequences for health care workers and any adult caregivers who were found guilty of abuse and neglect of elderly patients. And just like with the Protection Act, no matter how hard Mia had to push herself, she was absolutely determined to see it through.

The next few moments were a kind of a staring-down match between Mia and us. Sebastian and I tried, but Mia stared us down and we gave in.

"Alright Mia, but when this meeting is over, I am _personally _walking you to Dr. Adams's office myself," I insisted, and I did so because I knew Mia. Maybe we weren't in a romantic relationship anymore, but we were still good friends and I knew her well enough to know that if somebody didn't keep getting on her case about her health, she would put it on the back burner because she hated making a big deal about her health issues.

Mia sighed then and said, "Very well, Nicholas. Now gentlemen, can we get back to work, please?"

"Yes, Your Majesty," Sebastian answered as he sat down beside her.

"Yes, ma'am," I agreed as I sat on her other side, and then we got back to work.

A little while later after we got the rest of our work done and our meeting came to an end, true to my word, I walked Mia to Dr. Adams's office. Soon afterwards, another one of Mia's heart specialists came to the palace to examine her as well. When the doctors were done with all their tests, Sebastian and I went in to see her.

"Hey, you guys," Mia said to us with a smile as she hopped off the exam table.

"Hello, Mia, my dear," Sebastian said warmly, and then he gave her a hug and kissed her cheek. They had agreed a long time ago that he would only address her as "Your Majesty" when they were working or during more formal occasions and that the rest of the time, they would be on a first-name basis. "Nicholas and I just had to stop by and see how you were doing."

"Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm fine. My defibrillator did fire because of an arrhythmia, but I'm alright now. Dr. Adams and Dr. Johnson are both telling me that I have to take it easy for a little while, though."

"Don't worry about a thing, Mia. I'll take care of everything," I assured her. "You just relax for a while."

"Thanks, Nicholas. I'm not worried about anything. I know I can always count on you." To say the least, it really warmed my heart when she said that, and I responded with a smile. "However," she continued, "there is one favor I need to ask of you guys."

"You just name it," said Sebastian.

"Well, you know that Grandma and Joe have been enjoying a romantic getaway this week at their beach house and that Lionel left with the girls this morning to visit his cousin for a couple of days, so they don't know about what's happened today, and I'd really like to keep it that way. I'd greatly appreciate it if you guys would just keep everything that happened at our meeting to yourselves. Lionel, Joe, and Grandma all get so worried whenever the slightest thing happens with my health, and I don't want to upset them."

"Mia, they're your family. Don't you think they have a right to know?"

"My doctors say that I'm okay now and that I'll continue to be fine as long as I take things easy for a little while, and that's just what I'm going to do, so I see no reason to tell them and worry them for nothing."

"Very well, Mia. I won't say a word," I told her quietly, even though I disagreed with her inside. I felt that at the very least, her husband should know what was going on.

"I won't say a word," Sebastian promised.

"Thanks so much, you two."

"You just follow your doctor's orders and take care of yourself."

"I will, Uncle Seb."

"And let us take care of the rest," I added.

"Thank you, Nicholas," Mia said.

We made small talk for the next minute or so, and then Sebastian went home for the day and Mia left Dr. Adams's office and sat down on one of the steps in the ballroom and started reading a novel. Mia didn't see me, but I was standing nearby in the shadows watching her. I wasn't trying to spy on her or anything, but with everything that had happened today, I was pretty worried about her and I wanted to keep an eye on her in case her defibrillator went off again.

A few minutes later, Queen Clarisse and Joseph came back from their little vacation, and while Joseph carried their suitcases to their suite upstairs, Mia put down her book and got up and gave the dowager queen a big hug.

"Oh Grandma, it's so good to see you!" said Mia as they hugged.

"Oh darling, it's wonderful to see you, too. We missed you so much."

"Oh, please! You did not. You were too busy having fun and enjoying some alone-time with Joe to miss me or anyone, which is how it's supposed to be when you're on a romantic getaway with your husband."

"I'll have you know, young lady, that while Joseph and I did have a marvelous time together, _I did _miss you, and I missed the girls, too. I missed _all _my girls."

"Thanks, Grandma," Mia said as they both sat down on one of the steps together. "That's really sweet. We missed you guys, too. But I'm really glad you two had such a good time."

"Thank you, love. We did. So tell me, how are things around here? How are you doing?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I just had a long day. Actually…to tell the truth, I haven't been feeling very well today, so I went to see Dr. Adams and she thinks I need to take it easy for a little while. So Nicholas will be taking over for me for the next couple of days or so." I had been holding onto the slim hope that she would stop being so stubborn and tell Queen Clarisse the truth, and I hated it when Mia refused to be completely honest with her about everything.

"Good. I think that's a wise decision. You have been pushing yourself pretty hard lately, especially with this new elder care bill you and Sebastian and Nicholas have been working on."

"We got a lot of work accomplished on that in our meeting today, as a matter of fact," Mia said as she tapped her fingers on the novel she was now holding in her lap.

"Sweetheart, why are you reading your novel out here on the stairs? You'll be more comfortable in your suite."

"Because I'm hiding from my lady's maids."

Queen Clarisse laughed then and said, "Hiding from your lady's maids? Well for heaven's sake, why?"

"For the same reason I _always _hide from them, Mama. _They drive me crazy. _Don't get me wrong. I adore Brigitte and Brigitta. They're like sisters to me now and I don't know what I'd do without them, but the way they always make such a big fuss over me and try to wait on me hand and foot all the time just drives me insane. And it's only gotten worse over the years, especially since I got sick. I love those girls to death, but I have _got _to get away from them at times if I'm going to stay sane."

Again Queen Clarisse laughed, and wrapped her arm around Mia's shoulders told her, "My sweet girl, you don't have to hide from your lady's maids when they're getting on your nerves. Just send them away. Send them out of the room for a little while; give them a chore to do; or better yet, simply tell them that you want some time alone and ask them to leave. You're the Queen of Genovia. You don't have to hide from anybody, and certainly not Brigitte and Brigitta."

"You don't understand, Grandma. I tried doing things like that a couple of times before and they caught onto the fact that I was just trying to get rid of them, and it really hurt their feelings. I'd rather find a good place to hide so I can read my book in peace rather than do anything to hurt my friends."

Queen Clarisse then gave Mia a big kiss on the top of her head and held her close, and she said to her, "Little one, I do believe you are the sweetest, most considerate queen that ever lived. I couldn't live without you."

"Hear, hear," I whispered to myself. Without a doubt, Queen Clarisse was _not _the only person in the palace who felt that way. Mia had really been in love with me at one special time in my life and I'd been too much of an idiot to return those feelings. I knew it only served me right that the tables were now turned. Now, Mia was in a happy, healthy marriage to very fine, God-fearing young man and he was the one she was in love with, not me. But even though I knew my feelings for Mia could never be returned by her now, I was still grateful that I could continue to be there to help ease at least some of her burdens. Maybe I couldn't be there for her now as the man she loved, but I knew I would always be her friend, and that same as everybody else in the palace, I too would always watch out for her. In that next moment, I walked away and gave Mia and her grandmother some privacy so they could talk and spend some time together in peace.


	15. The Queen of Hearts

Note to readers: I highly recommend that you watch the deleted scene entitled _Welcome to Parliament _from _The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement _first before you read this chapter, if you haven't already seen it. It's not required to understand the events of this chapter, but I believe it will make a lot more sense to you if you are familiar with what happens in that scene. I also want to say to everyone who read this chapter when I first posted it this morning that I am SO SORRY for what happened with the formatting. Due to problems with my laptop, I've had to borrow my friend's and use Libre Office instead of Microsoft Office like I'm used to, and for some reason, the formatting got messed up. I just re-copied and pasted the chapter and I am hoping this will straighten things out. Thank you for your patience.

**Chapter Fifteen**

_Mia_

Tonight, after Lionel tried to help me find the latest contact lens I'd lost, I just _screamed_ in frustration. The past couple of months had been filled with nothing but stress, and the contact lens was simply the last straw. There had been several big events that happened in the palace over the past two months or so that had naturally generated just what I_ did not need_ in addition to all the pressures of running a country, and that was royal scandals.

In early September, my Uncle Pierre finally decided, based on his personal convictions, to leave the priesthood and devote his time to being the pastor of a smaller group of people I was a part of who met in each other's homes, including the palace, and did Bible study together. That came as no surprise to me or to anyone, really. In fact, it was something we'd all seen coming for many years now. But when Uncle Pierre started dating my good friend and personal assistant, Charlotte Kutaway, only a few weeks later, it took the press all of two seconds to catch wind of it and for the tabloids to start publishing a lot of garbage about how they'd been having a secret affair for years and how she'd forced him to leave the priesthood, and some of them were even claiming that Uncle Pierre stepped down from his position because Charlotte was pregnant with his "love child." Of course, we all knew that it was completely ridiculous; that Charlotte had never forced my uncle to do anything, and that while they had felt love and attraction for each other for many years, they had never so much as kissed one another until he left the priesthood and they were able to start seeing each other officially. But even though no one in the palace was a stranger to dealing with the tabloids and royal scandals, myself included, it still took its toll on all of us whenever something like that happened.

And that was just the month of October. When the first of November rolled around and things finally started to calm down a little for Uncle Pierre and Charlotte, I thought that I could finally relax a bit and enjoy the month. For three weeks this November, Parliament was going to be in recess, which, _I thought _anyway, would give both Nicholas and me a chance to kind of take it easy for a while. In addition to that, I knew we'd all be celebrating Claire's fifth birthday on the twenty-first and I was particularly looking forward to that. However, it turned out that when October became November, we were merely jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

When Parliament went into recess the first week of November, Nicholas left to enjoy a little vacation with some friends of his in Florida. When Nicholas first got there, he met up with an old girlfriend of his, Lady Roberta Perry, and after rekindling their old romance, they flew out to Las Vegas together and eloped two weeks later. To say the least, the worldwide media, especially the Genovian and American media, went absolutely crazy over the story once it came out hours after they were married, which was two days before Claire's birthday. While the media had starting being far kinder to me than to most royals after I was attacked seven years ago, things still got a little nasty for my loved ones and me from time to time and unfortunately, this was one of those times. The tabloids were actually saying that I was still in love with Nicholas and that his marriage to Lady Roberta had sent me flying into some kind of jealous rage; some of them were even claiming that Lionel and I were on the verge of getting a divorce because losing Nicholas to Lady Roberta had made me realize I still had feelings for him, which in turn made Lionel insanely jealous and made him want to leave the girls and me. Still other reporters were claiming that Nicholas eloped with Lady Roberta in secret because I was still in love with him and he was afraid that if he publicly announced his plans to marry her, I would fly into yet another of my "jealous rages" and try to physically harm him.

It was true that it did hit me hard whenever there was any kind of royal scandal that the tabloids were having a field day with. But it was also true that whoever Nicholas decided to marry was his business and nobody else's and that running off and eloping with one of his old girlfriends was not a crime. However, if a person was a royal or a noble in Genovia, it took very little to cause a very big scandal in the media these days. The whole world wanted to know why Nicholas had run off and gotten married in secret, and if, in fact, the reason had had anything to do with me and our previous relationship. Personally, I had no idea why Nicholas had suddenly eloped with one of his old girlfriends and I really didn't care. As his friend and colleague, I simply hoped that he and his new wife were happy together.

As for me, while it was never easy dealing with all the mudslinging of the tabloids whenever it happened, after all my years as a royal, I was now somewhat used to it. I certainly didn't care what ridiculous things the tabloids printed about me because I knew it was exactly that: ridiculous . When Lionel and I heard that some of the tabloids were saying that he and I were getting ready to get a divorce because of the elopement, he and I both laughed out loud. But when all that stupid garbage started affecting one of our children, that was the point where we could no longer laugh it off.

Two days after Nicholas eloped with Lady Roberta, after Lionel and I first got up that morning, we were all ready to start preparing for Claire's big birthday celebration. Lionel and I were going to spend the day spoiling our little girl rotten, starting with breakfast in bed. Whenever somebody had a birthday in our family, it was tradition for us to cook the birthday girl or boy breakfast and serve it to her or to him in bed, and Lionel and I were more than happy to go downstairs to the kitchen and cook breakfast for Claire.

But as we walked past Claire's suite on our way down to the kitchen, we could hear her sobbing, so we quickly went inside to find out what was wrong. As it turned out, Claire was crying because after we'd put her to bed the night before, she'd overheard one of the maids and one of the royal guards talking just outside her suite about the stories in the tabloids that had been claiming that Lionel and I were talking about getting a divorce, and she'd thought that that meant we were splitting up. We sat down together on her bed then and had a long talk with her about all the lies that a lot of people tend to say about royals and other well-known people in the tabloids, trying our best to put it all on a five-year-old's level, and thankfully, we got through to her and she knew when our talk was over that when it came to her mommy's and daddy's relationship, she had nothing to worry about.

The rest of the day went as planned and with the exception of her earlier misunderstanding, she enjoyed a very happy fifth birthday, along with all the rest of us. But while I did enjoy the rest of the day for the most part, inside, I was absolutely fuming over what all those pathetic, absurd lies had done to my little girl. Things had just begun to die down for Uncle Pierre, Charlotte, and the rest of us when all of this happened with Nicholas. On top of that, while I always tried very hard to do as much as humanly possible as a queen, wife, and mother, the fact remained that due to all my health issues, I only had so much strength and energy to give, and even though Parliament was now in recess, I was still fulfilling many other duties as Queen in addition to raising a five-year-old and a three-year-old. To put it mildly, I was exhausted. I was hurt and angry over what the tabloids had put Claire through, especially on her birthday of all days, and I was utterly exhausted. And when Mia has to go through the frustration of looking around on her hands and knees for a stupid contact lens while she is hurt, angry, and exhausted, she clenches her fists, pounds the carpet, screams her lungs out, and bursts into tears, which of course really worries her poor husband.

"Baby, baby, what is it? What's wrong?" Lionel asked me gently as he crawled over to where I was, put his arms around me, and held me close. Then he kissed the top of my head and said, "It's okay, baby. I'm here. I'm right here."

"No, it's not okay, either! It's not okay!" I cried out in between sobs. Over the next minute or so, Lionel calmed me by simply kneeling on the floor beside me, rocking me in his arms, and letting me cry all of my frustration out of my system. Once I was done crying, my tears were immediately replaced with anger. Lionel got up with me when I was ready to stand, and after I'd gotten back on my feet, I said aloud, "Look at me, Lionel! Look at what I'm doing! When I was almost sixteen years-old, Grandma made me get my big makeover from that mean-spirited, insulting, disrespectful _idiot _hairdresser, Paolo! He's the jerk who broke the glasses I used to wear and told me I couldn't wear them anymore! But I've _always _preferred glasses over contacts because contacts are so hard to find when they get lost, and on top of that, _I hate _having to stick my fingers in my eyes! Lionel, _this is so stupid! I _am being _so stupid! _Here I am, a grown, thirty-year-old woman. I am a wife; I am a mother of two, and on top of that, _I am the reigning queen of a country_...and I am allowing a stupid, mean-spirited, disrespectful _idiot _like Paolo to tell me I can't wear glasses if I want to! Isn't that stupid of me, Lionel? Isn't that _ridiculous?!_" Before Lionel had the chance to respond, I immediately stomped into the bathroom, took my remaining contact lens and contact lens containers and contact lens solution in my hands, and then I stomped over to our bedroom window and opened it, and in that next moment, I angrily threw it all out the window as hard as I could with another furious scream.

A moment later, Lionel walked up behind me, lovingly put his hands on my shoulders, and asked me, "Baby, what's this really about?"

I let out a tired sigh then and answered, "You're right. This has nothing to do with Paolo, and it has nothing to do with contact lenses. I'm angry, Lionel. I'm so angry, and I'm so tired."

"Come on, sweetheart," he said softly as he pulled me into his embrace. "Let's sit down, okay?"

As Lionel said that, more tears filled my eyes so I didn't speak; I just nodded. After we sat down on the side of our bed together, I explained, "I don't care what people say about me anymore, Lionel. I don't care if people gossip about me or tell half-truths or full lies about me. I don't care if they make fun of me or anything anymore. I won't pretend that it still doesn't hurt deep down because it does, but I learned a long time ago that if I let it bother me every single time somebody said something mean about me, I would go crazy. I realized that if I was going to emotionally survive as a royal, I simply _had _to develop a thicker skin. And after fourteen years of being a royal, I've gotten pretty good at it. Like I said, whatever people say about me anymore, I don't care. But _I do care _when all that mudslinging _crap_ affects our children. _I can't _just let it go when one of my babies gets hurt, _especially _on her birthday."

Again, Lionel put his arm around me and held me, and after another kiss on my head, he told me, "I know, baby. I know. It gets to me too. But Mia, you have to remember that little kids are incredibly resilient. Now, all those worries she had about that tabloid story are the farthest thing from her mind; she's forgotten all about it. It's caused you a lot more pain than it has her in the long run. I know how devastating it was for you to see Claire hurt and upset because of all this; it broke my heart too, but she's over it now."

"That's not the point. The point is, at five years-old, _no _child should have her birthday messed up because she heard it from the tabloids that her mommy and daddy don't love each other anymore and they're getting a divorce. Now, I understand and appreciate more than ever what my mom did for me when she decided _not _to raise me as a royal. She knew what the press, what the tabloids would do to me if word ever got out that I was really a princess. She knew that if she took me to live in Genovia with my dad and I was raised as a royal, I would never really have the chance to be a kid; that the press would destroy my life. It's funny, isn't it?" I said then with a bitter laugh.

"What is?"

"I accepted my royal title and became the Princess of Genovia just before my sixteenth birthday because I was convinced that it would be selfish of me not to. I thought I owed it to my father and to Genovia to accept my title, become Queen someday, and use my power to help as many people as I could. But while I was thinking of doing good things for the Genovian people with my royal title, I completely forgot to think about what being raised as a royal could mean for my children. Lionel, I think that living all these years as a royal has been a terrible mistake. I think that now, I did the wrong thing fourteen years ago by accepting my title. Sure, I thought of other people; I thought of Genovia and my grandmother and my father, but I didn't stop to think about what would really be best for my own children...like Mom thought about what was really best for me."

"Mia, listen to me. Yes, of course it's true that it's tough being royal; always being in the national and international spotlight; having extremely little privacy; having lies spread about you in the tabloids, but life is tough for _everybody _anyway, whether they're royal or not. Even if Claire and Rosie weren't royal princesses; even if you had chosen to renounce your title fourteen years ago and they were simply the middle-class daughters of the middle-class Mia Thermopolis, they would _still _have problems. They would _still _have to go through pain and trials in their lives, and they would _still _have difficult obstacles to overcome. That's just a part of life. It goes with the territory of being human."

"Yes, but by being Queen and raising our daughters as royals, I'm making whatever hardships they're going to face in their lives only that much tougher because they'll have to face them with the whole _world _watching them. At least _I _got to deal with all my personal pain and problems in private for the first fifteen years of my life and grow up with _some _degree of normalcy."

Lionel looked at me seriously then and asked me, "Really, Mia? Would you _really_ call what happened to you when you were nine years-old _normal_?"

I didn't like being reminded of the deepest wound my soul carried, but I knew Lionel had a point and a second later I replied, "No, what happened to me then would definitely _not _qualify as normal."

"But surviving it and dealing with it and eventually coming out in the open about it has helped make you a remarkable woman. Yes, our daughters' problems will be harder than the ordinary problems that most other people have to deal with; that's true, but just like you, they will overcome those tougher obstacles and in the end, they'll only be better people for it. They're their mother's daughters. And we'll all be right here with them every step of the way; you, me, Clarisse, Joseph, Uncle Seb, Aunt Sheila, all of us. They'll always know they can count on us no matter what."

I gave Lionel a big hug and kiss then and said, "Lionel, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I don't know what I'd do without you either, baby." After the embrace ended, Lionel suggested, "Darling, when Nicholas gets back from his honeymoon in another week, why don't _you _be the one to take some time off? You have been working so hard these past few months, _too hard_, and I think it's high time you got some decent rest, and not just physical rest but emotional rest. I think it's pretty obvious that it's all really beginning to take its toll on you."

"Yeah, you're right," I sighed. "Very well, Your Grace. Your Queen has taken your request for a vacation with her into consideration and has decided to approve it."

"Thank you very much, Your Majesty," Lionel said in a husky whisper, and then he leaned in and gave me another kiss.

"You know what I'd really like to do?"

"What's that?"

"I'd like for you, me, and the girls to go off to our castle in Libbet for a while after Christmas is over. I've been _yearning _for us to have some real quality time together with Claire and Rosie. These past couple of months have been so hectic that I haven't really had much of a chance to spend as much family time with you and the girls as I'd like."

"Won't it be pretty noisy with all those other little kids there?" Our family's castle in Libbet had been converted into a children's home very shortly after I first ascended the throne, which was going to be a temporary situation at first until the social workers could find another place for the children, but it proved to be such a pleasant environment for them that we all decided it was best for the temporary children's home be considered a permanent children's home.

"I don't think the noise will be too bad. Even though most of the castle houses the children, we still have one private wing that's reserved solely for the Royal Family; plus, I think it'll be good for Claire and Rosie to socialize with other children who aren't from noble or royal or wealthy families. And if things get too rowdy, we can let Claire and Rosie just get playful and rowdy with all the other children there while we sneak away to the vacant cottage on the grounds and have a little playtime of our own."

"Oh, I just _love _the way your mind works!" Lionel said, and then I laughed. "But I don't want you to have to wait as long as Christmas before you can take a break and relax."

"Honey, I would just _love _to pack up our things this second and head to the Libbet castle with you and our girls, but I simply can't right now. With the Christmas holidays right around the corner, there are just so many things that are expected of me; so many functions I have to attend; so many appearances I have to make. It just wouldn't be right for me to dump all that on Nicholas now, especially with him being newly married. I know he'll want to have some quality time with his new wife just as badly as I want some quality time with you and the girls."

"I don't like to see you pushing yourself so hard like this, though."

"Lionel, I promise you that as soon as Nicholas comes back, I will turn as many things over to him as I can and that I will cut back on my workload from now until Christmas as much as possible. I promise you that until we can get away, I will take it easy."

Lionel looked me in the eye then and asked me, "I have your word?"

I met his gaze and told him honestly, "Yes," and then I gave him a kiss. A minute later, we said goodnight to each other and went to bed.

Over the upcoming week, despite the fact that Nicholas was still away in the States on his brief honeymoon with the new Lady Devereaux, I still managed to start to make good on my promise to Lionel to take things easy. I decided to turn to Grandma, Lionel, and Sebastian for help when it came to making diplomatic appearances, and they did help me a great deal. They all took over many of the public and diplomatic appearances I had to make, which in turn made my life a little easier. All their help enabled me to work fewer hours than I had been working for several months now, which gave me the freedom to take a little much-needed time for myself.

And during that precious free time, I did something that I'd wanted to do deep down for many years now: I officially fired Paolo and hired a new hairdresser. My new hairdresser's name was Pearl Price, and she was a very sweet tall blonde lady in her sixties who, much unlike her predecessor, was gentle, respectful, courteous, and kind. She was a widow with two children and five grandchildren she couldn't stop bragging about, and we both liked each other instantly.

The day she was in my suite doing my hair and nails for me, I told her all about how Paolo had insulted me countless times when we first met and he gave me my first makeover, as well as how arrogant, annoying, and condescending he'd remained through the years, and I admitted to her that I honestly didn't know why I'd put up with him as long as I did, and she agreed with me that he was a real pig. Then after a little more chitchat, we started talking about what I wanted to do with my hair, and I eventually decided that in addition to my recent choice to go back to wearing glasses again, I would also go back to my naturally curly hair. It had been been a complaint Lilly had made countless times through the years, saying, "Who made this big rule that says it's only okay for women to have straight hair? Who has the right to say that your natural hair type isn't good enough?" Although Lilly had always understood the reasons for my makeover, she never stopped complaining about Grandma and Paolo making me give up my curls and in the back of my mind, I knew she was right all along. Pearl and I talked about it for a little while and we agreed that my real problem was never the fact that I was born with naturally curly hair, but the fact that for many years before my big makeover, I had been awful about neglecting my hair and as a result, it had become horribly frizzy and unmanageable. Obviously, things were very different in my life these days and I was now taking good care of my hair and appearance, so there was no good reason anymore for me not to have my natural curls and be proud of them.

For the month of November and much of the month of December, the time I spent with Pearl that day was the most I was able to really let my now curly hair down and relax. A few days later, Nicholas returned from his three-week vacation with his new bride, Lady Roberta Devereaux, and I'll say this much for her: she definitely made an impression on all of us. Lionel, Grandma, Joe, Uncle Seb, Charlotte, and a couple of other guards were hanging around in my office with me that morning making plans for several upcoming social events we would have to attend when one of the palace staff members announced the arrival of Nicholas and his new wife. She was pretty short, but she had the body and looks of a model. She had long, flowing blonde hair and lovely blue eyes, and she certainly had the kind of appearance that would make heads turn, but it wasn't her appearance that made the biggest impression on all of us, but her attitude. While she spoke the proper, polite words, I instantly sensed a real coldness from her, and even though she never said anything insulting or uncalled for to me or to any of us, somehow, I could tell that she really, _really _did not like me at all. Everyone else got the same sense about her that I did, which in turn, made them all dislike her.

"Okay, guys," I said to them after Nicholas and his new wife had left. "I'll admit it that the new Lady Devereaux is not exactly my most favorite person in the world, but she just got here. We need to give her a chance. This is a very big change for her. Since Nicholas lives in the palace and has been helping me rule Genovia all these years, he's constantly in our nation's spotlight and because Lady Devereaux has just eloped with him, now she's suddenly in the national spotlight as well and I know from personal experience that that is not an easy thing to go through. On top of that, she's also had to leave her home behind and move into the palace and although a palace like this is certainly an incredibly beautiful place to live, it can still be difficult to get settled into a new environment."

Grandma and Joe both looked at each other in that moment and actually rolled their eyes a little bit at what I said, and Uncle Seb had an expression of disgust on his face similar to theirs. In that next moment, Charlotte went on to explain their reactions.

"Your Majesty, you don't know very much about Lady Roberta Perry, do you?" she asked me.

"No, not really. I think I have heard a couple of people mention her name once or twice in passing over the years, but that's about all. Why?"

"Well, her family is Genovian nobility, but she's spent most of her life traveling all over Europe...and getting into a whole lot of trouble there. And let's just say that from about age eighteen on, she's had the same kind of reputation with guys that Lord Nicholas used to have with the ladies...only, she's very, _very_ selective about the kind of men she gets romantically involved with."

"In Europe, she's practically seen as a professional mistress for men who are either royals or just extremely wealthy," said Joe. "And she has helped break up more than one marriage."

"She's been engaged countless times," Grandma added. "And in several instances, she's convinced a married man to leave his wife so that he could marry her. But each time she's been engaged, she's managed to sink her claws into a new richer, more powerful conquest before making it to the altar with her current one. Wealth, celebrity status, and power are the only things Lady Roberta Perry have ever truly cared about.

"And I'm sorry, darling. I know I probably should have warned you about the new Lady Devereaux way before today, but you've seemed more relaxed these past few days than you have been in weeks and I really didn't want to burden you with this. But now that she's in the palace with Nicholas, I have to tell you how I really feel about this woman. After having been a queen myself for so many years, I've developed a very keen sense of instinct about people who are either emotionally or politically dangerous to the Royal Family, and my instincts are _screaming _at me now that this woman is someone who could be very dangerous to you. Her new relationship with Nicholas certainly doesn't fit her previous pattern." I later learned that there had been several other stories run by the press talking about Lady Perry's eventful past and speculating about the possible reasons why she had really chosen to get married to Nicholas now after all the other high-profile engagements she had broken up, but I'd never heard about those stories and learned the truth about her until that morning in my office because I was obviously way too busy to pay attention to every single story the media and the tabloids published.

"No, it doesn't," Sebastian agreed. "And if I were a betting man, I'd bet a whole lot of money that the _real _reason Lady Perry talked Lord Devereaux into marrying her so quickly is because she's set her sights on Her Majesty's royal position."

"Lord Devereaux _is _next in line to the throne," Joe pointed out. "All she would have to do is get rid of Her Majesty somehow, and once she's successfully gotten our Queen out of the way, her husband then becomes Genovia's king."

"And that would then make _her _Genovia's next queen," said Lionel.

"Joe, is that why you've stepped up security so much in the palace since they eloped?" I asked him. I had recently noticed a sudden, significant increase in the number of guards in the palace and in the number of men guarding me over the past few days but I didn't think too much of it; I just figured that Joe was being his usual overprotective self.

"It is. And as Royal Head of Security, I cannot stress this enough: we all must see to it that Her Majesty is never, _ever _alone, and she especially must not ever be left alone with Lady Devereaux."

"Well I really appreciate all your concern, but don't you guys think you might be jumping the gun just a little?" I asked. "I agree that all of this does look rather suspicious, but I know Nicholas. He is _not _that naïve. He would never get romantically involved with any woman he didn't fully trust, and he certainly wouldn't _marry _a woman he didn't fully trust, either. Nicholas has been involved in Genovian royal society and politics a lot longer than I have and he knows how the game works. I know he would never have gotten married to Lady Perry if she hadn't completely earned his trust. Okay, so she's made a lot of mistakes along the way and has a shady past. If you all will recall, I didn't exactly have the best reputation either before I was crowned Queen, and I _definitely _made a lot of mistakes."

"Mia, it's not the same thing," Lionel argued. "The mistakes you made were innocent ones; they were mistakes you made simply because you were young and inexperienced. You simply had a little more growing up to do at the time, just like everybody in their late teens and early twenties does. The kind of 'mistakes' that Lady Perry made were things she did maliciously, because she was mean-spirited and selfish and she didn't care if she had to hurt people in order to get what she wanted. People like that don't usually change overnight."

"Your husband's right, Mia," Grandma told me. "My dear, you are so compassionate, gentle, and loving, and I know you want to think the best of everybody, and I love you for it. I respect you for wanting to keep an open heart and an open mind and for wanting to give Lady Devereaux a chance. But there are some people in this world who simply cannot be trusted, and I can't help but feel that she's one of them."

"I get the same feeling about her as well," Joe agreed.

"I think we all do," said Uncle Seb, and Lionel and Charlotte both nodded their agreement.

"You're right, Grandma. I do want to at least try to be fair and open-minded where Lady Devereaux is concerned. And I can't believe for one minute that Nicholas of all people would get suckered in by someone trying to use him for his wealth and position. However, I also have immense faith in your judgment. You're all the people I trust the most, and in addition to that, I am well aware of the fact, Grandma, that there are some people who can never be trusted. I assure all of you that I will always keep my guard up with Lady Devereaux."

And I honestly tried to. While I was still polite and courteous to her on the occasions we spoke over the next couple of days, I made certain that I was never alone with her, and I took everyone's warnings about her to heart. But on the first of December, I had just come out of a meeting with several Parliament members and I'd needed to use the bathroom. The security staff was in between shifts and because their shift was over, I told the three guards assigned to watch me that day that they could leave and they did. Everybody on the palace security staff knew how I detested having guards standing outside the door when I was in the bathroom and even though Joe had seriously cracked down on security after my brush with death seven years ago, they all usually respected my wishes not to be followed to the bathroom and that day was no different. I was sure everything would be fine for such a brief period of time, but boy, was I ever wrong. When I came out of the bathroom a couple of minutes later, sure enough, there was Lady Devereaux standing in the palace corridor, and I was alone with her. And sure enough, everybody's warnings about her from two days ago turned out to be true. Being alone with Lady Devereaux _did _give her the opportunity to hurt me, but not in the way we were all afraid she would. She _did _hurt me that day, but not with a knife or a gun or any kind of physical weapon. Ironically, it all started, not with any form of physical violence, but with tears. When I walked out of the bathroom and into the hallway, I saw that Lady Devereaux was standing there, crying her eyes out.

Naturally, I asked her what was wrong, and we started having a conversation. Little did I realize at the time that those tears of hers were simply her way of luring me into her web of deception. We went for a little walk down the hall and she told me this great story of how her newfound faith in Christ had changed her and how she was a completely different person from the one she used to be. And she explained that she was crying because of how much it hurt her that she was receiving so little support from everyone in the palace; she said that she was lonely and that it was really hard on her having to live in the palace and not have any friends. I should have known better, given all my past experiences and everything I'd learned over the years at the Pyrus Women's Shelter about abusers and manipulative narcissists, but when I saw the tears and heard the story, I couldn't help but want to reach out to her and be her friend. By the time we'd reached the end of the corridor, she had me hook, line, and sinker. Against my better judgment, I invited her upstairs to my suite for some tea, and she was all too happy to accept my invitation.

When I walked inside with Lady Devereaux, we ran into Brigitte and Brigitta and I quickly signaled them to leave, which they did – but not without shooting daggers at Lady Devereaux with their eyes. Joe was taking care of some things in his office at the time and Lionel was with the girls, but in no time at all, they both were in there with us, watching Lady Devereaux like a couple of hawks. When I asked them to give us a little bit of privacy so we could continue our conversation, they went out into the foyer but they did _not _leave the suite.

We talked for a good half hour or so about a lot of things, and during that time, the subject of our parents came up. Like me, Lady Devereaux was also an orphan, having lost both her parents in a boating accident when she was twenty-two. She brought up the fact that her parents had written each other dozens of love letters when they were younger, and she told me all about how she'd found them in an old box one day and read them, and how it had given her a brand new perspective about her parents. Then I mentioned the fact that even though my parents had never written each other love letters, they had in fact written to one another quite frequently after they split up and my dad moved back to Genovia. I also mentioned that they had each kept the other's letters, and I told her that I still had them but had never taken the time to read them before. She then strongly encouraged me to dig them out and read them sometime, telling me that I'd probably be amazed at all the new things I would learn about them. A couple of moments later, we said goodbye and she left.

After Lionel and Joe gave me the third degree about everything that had happened with Lady Devereaux that day and warned me that she was definitely up to something, Lionel and I spent the rest of the day with the girls. Then after we put them to bed, I decided that Lady Devereaux was right and that I should read my parents' letters, so I got them out and did just that. And sure enough, her prediction came true: I _was _amazed at what I learned about my parents, and _not _in a good way.

In one of the first letters Mom wrote to Dad after he came back to Genovia, when I was still an infant, she confessed to him that she'd had a brief affair with another man for several weeks and that that other man might actually be my biological father and not him. In Dad's return letter to Mom, he told her that he forgave her for what she did, and he also told her that he still loved both of us and that no matter what, I would always be his daughter. He went on to say that because his name was on my birth certificate, he was still my legal father and that nobody except the two of them had to know that there was a chance he might not be my biological father as well.

My hands were shaking when I was finished reading my father's letter. In fact, on the inside, I was shaking all over. I simply couldn't believe it. When Lionel asked me what was wrong, I said nothing. I merely handed him their letters and let him read them for himself. When he was done reading, he was just as shocked as I was. Then after we talked for a little while, I told him that Grandma also had to see them and learn the truth, so I took the letters to her and let her and Joe read them.

After Joe put the letters down and let out a long sigh, Grandma said, "This changes nothing, little one. Do you understand? This changes _nothing. _It doesn't matter if you're a Renaldi by blood or not; not to me, and not to _anyone _in this country. You are still the Queen of Genovia, the finest ruler this country has ever seen, and more importantly, you are still my granddaughter; you are _always _my granddaughter. _Nothing _could ever change that."

"Thank you, Grandma. I knew that was what you'd say, but it feels really good to hear you say it anyway," I told her, and then she pulled me into her arms and gave me a big hug. "However, with all due respect," I said when the hug was over, "I think you are wrong about one thing. I know that the question of my paternity doesn't matter for the two of us, but it _does _matter when it comes to Genovia. Grandma, if I'm not Prince Philippe's biological daughter and if I'm not yours and King Rupert's biological granddaughter, then that means I don't have a legitimate claim to the throne. It means that according to Genovian law, I don't have the right to be Queen."

Papa got up from his seat then and walked over to us and said, "My dear, this is nothing you have to worry about. No one except you, Lionel, your grandmother and me knows, and besides, your father has been dead for many years now, so it wouldn't exactly be easy to run a paternity test on the two of you anyway. But the point is, nobody needs to know about this. Even if the people of Genovia knew there was a chance you weren't a Renaldi by blood, no one would care because you're such a great ruler. Why don't you just relax and forget about all this? We never have to mention it again."

"In other words, you mean...cover it up," I said just as Lionel walked in.

"Mia, Joseph's right," Grandma responded. "It doesn't matter to anyone. And besides, we are _not _having your father's body exhumed just so that the two of you can become the subjects of some kind of DNA testing circus like on _The Maury Povich Show_!"

"Actually, I don't think there would be any need for that," said Lionel. "I agree that disturbing Prince Philippe's remains in order to run a paternity test would not be a very good idea, but I don't think that there's any doubt that you, Clarisse, are indeed his mother."

"Well of course I am! But what has that got to do with anything?"

"Lionel, where are you going with this?" asked Papa.

"Maybe we can't run tests to determine whether or not Prince Philippe is Mia's biological father, but we can have tests done to determine whether or not Clarisse is Mia's biological grandmother. I mean, think about it. Half of Prince Philippe's DNA came from Clarisse, and if he is Mia's natural father, then that means that half of her DNA came from him, so do the math. If Clarisse is Mia's natural grandmother, then one-fourth or twenty-five percent of Mia's DNA came from her. Maybe we can't determine whether or not Prince Philippe is Mia's biological father, but we _can_ find out if Clarisse is Mia's biological grandmother. And if it turns out that Clarisse is her natural grandmother, then that means Prince Philippe is her natural father, and _that _in turn will mean that her claim to the throne is legitimate." I told Lionel during the discussion we had after we'd read the letters that I believed I owed it to Genovia to find out if my claim to the throne really was legitimate or not, which was why he made the suggestion; he was giving me a little backup.

"Well Lionel, just because we _can _have the question of Mia's true paternity answered doesn't mean that we _should_," Grandma told him.

"Actually, Grandma, I disagree. I don't think it would be fair to the Genovian people for us to just cover this whole thing up and bury it. I don't think it would be right for me to remain on the throne if I don't have a true claim to it. I believe we owe it to the Genovian people to find out the truth."

It took a little more convincing, but in the end, Grandma grudgingly agreed to go through with the DNA testing for my sake. However, we all strongly agreed that the _last _thing we needed was yet _another _royal scandal on our hands, so we decided to keep the whole thing just between the four of us until we had the test results back. One week later, Grandma and I were sitting together in front of Dr. Adams's desk and when she came into her office and sat down across from us, as usual, she was the perfect medical professional and her facial expressions gave away nothing.

"Okay ladies, I have the results of your tests. As everybody here knows, the two of you will always be related by love. However, you are _not _related by blood. I'm so sorry." The moment she said that, we both felt as though we'd been punched in the gut. But while I was fighting off tears, Grandma was instantly pulling herself together and showing nothing but her usual strength and dignity.

"Thank you, doctor," she said quietly. "I'd like a moment alone with my granddaughter if you wouldn't mind." In addition to being strong for me, she'd also managed to comfort me in yet another way. I knew Grandma had chosen her last words on purpose, and that she'd done it for my sake. She could have said, "I'd like a moment alone with Mia" or simply, "We'd like a moment alone," but she didn't. She purposefully chose to say that she'd like a moment alone with _her granddaughter_, which as I said, I'd found very comforting.

"Of course," Dr. Adams said, and then she quickly made her exit. Then Grandma wrapped her arm around my shoulders for a second and just gave me a moment to cry a little.

"I guess we both should have realized I was too clumsy to be related to you by blood," I joked through my tears. "Someone as graceful as you could never have produced a klutz like me."

"Oh, baby," Grandma whispered as she hugged me, and then she kissed my cheek and continued to hold me. "It's the other way around, little one. A stubborn old snob like me could never have produced someone as sweet and gentle as you."

"Oh Grandma, don't say that," I told her after the embrace ended.

"No, it's true. I've been noble and royal, wealthy and privileged, all my life, and for a lot of years without even realizing it, it went to my head. In the back of my mind, a small part of me always looked down on people I considered to be 'mere commoners.' But after all these years I've spent with you, watching you as Queen, I've learned so much from you. You've shown me that real royalty has nothing to do with royal bloodlines or who you're married to. It's the way you love other people and put others before yourself and treat everyone with respect whether they're a diplomat or a housekeeper that makes you royal, not being a Renaldi by blood. Maybe I do have my parents' noble blood running through my veins, and maybe I am still considered a royal today because of my marriage to your grandfather, and maybe according to Genovian law, you're a commoner because of your paternity, but as far as I'm concerned, _you're_ the one that's royal and compared to you, _I'm _the commoner."

"Oh, Grandma," I said, and then I couldn't resist the urge to hug her again, so I did. "That's such a kind thing for you to say to me, but you're wrong. Clarisse Renaldi is _no _commoner. You'll always be royal to me, not because you were married to King Rupert, but because you're such a wonderful friend."

"Thank you, my love. You know, sweetheart," she said then after we let go of each other the second time, "maybe this really could be a good thing for you after all. I'm not too thrilled with his wife, but Nicholas has grown up and changed a great deal over the years and he's done an excellent job with helping you run our country since you first got sick, and I think he's ready to accept full responsibility for Genovia as its king now, and I think it'll really help you to be released from the heavy burdens of being a ruler. With all your health issues, you really shouldn't be under so much stress all the time anyway. I think it'll be a lot better for you health-wise to go back to being a princess again."

"I hadn't really thought of it like that before, but I guess you're right. Even with all of Nicholas's help, it's still a very heavy burden being a ruler and having thousands of lives dependant upon the decisions that I make. In a way, it does break my heart that I will have to step down as Queen because I've believed all these years that that was what I was supposed to be doing with my life, but maybe you're right. Maybe it is time that I let all of that go now and leave it in Nicholas's hands. I have no doubts that he's ready for the job. First thing tomorrow morning, I'll have a meeting in my office with Lord Nicholas, Lady Roberta, and Uncle Sebastian, and I'll let them know what's going on and inform them of my decision to step down."

"If it's alright with you darling, I'd like very much for Joseph and me to be there as well. I still don't trust Lady Devereaux, and I don't want you going into a meeting with her without us there with you."

"Sure, Grandma. If that's what you want, then you and Joe are more than welcome to come, too."

"That's what I want."

"Alright, then. In the meantime, let's get out of here and go give our husbands the good news," I said with a little sarcasm.

Grandma chuckled and said, "Very well," and then we both left.

The next morning, Lord Nicholas, Lady Roberta, Uncle Sebastian, and Charlotte met Grandma, Joe, Lionel, and me in my office so I could tell them what was going on. Ironically, even though I was now practically handing Nicholas the Genovian throne on a silver platter, he was the first person to protest.

"Just wait a minute, Mia. Hold on a second. Slow down. I'm sure that there is some way we can get around this; some legal loophole of some kind. What about the law that was passed just before you and Lionel got married? It changed the rules of the Genovian royal line of succession, giving adopted children the same place in the succession as biological children."

"Yes, but that law only applies to a child adopted by a Genovian king or queen starting in the year 2009 on. All other descendants of a Genovian king or queen born before 2009 still have to be related by blood in order to be elligible to inherit the throne. The fact that I am not related to Prince Philippe and King Rupert by blood disqualifies me from being Queen," I explained. "According to Genovian law, my claim to the throne is not valid and I am not its true Queen, so obviously, I have no choice but to step down."

"Not necessarily, Your Majesty," said Sebastian. "Queen Clarisse, do you remember back when Viscount Mabrey announced to Parliament that Lord Devereaux was ahead of the von Trokens in the royal line of succession? Someone brought up the fact that according to Genovian law back then, a princess couldn't ascend the throne unless she was married, and do you remember what you said?"

"Not exactly; it's been so many years ago. What I do remember telling Parliament is that a man didn't have to be married to be King of Genovia and that Mia should have the same rights that any man would have."

"Before you said that, though, you said that the marriage law had never truly been enforced, and you were right. Until that point in time, no one in Genovia had ever really paid much attention to that law. Had Viscount Mabrey not come along and tried to challenge Mia's right to rule back then, nobody in Parliament or in the entire country of Genovia would have given that archaic law a second thought. Not every single law is always enforced in Genovia. I see no reason to enforce this one."

"Hear, hear," Nicholas agreed. "I mean, Mia, come on. With all due respect to Queen Clarisse, you are the best ruler this country has ever seen, and at the end of the day, _that's _the only thing that really matters, not who your biological father is or a single mistake your mother made in her marriage over thirty years ago. None of those things matter to anybody in Genovia. The only thing that matters is that you are an intelligent, kind, loving ruler who deeply cares for her people."

"I couldn't agree more," said Charlotte.

"Neither could I," Sebastian concurred.

"I understand what you're saying, Nicholas, and for the most part, I, too, agree," said Lady Roberta. "It is important, extremely important, for a ruler to have Queen Mia's attributes. Queen Mia is obviously a very smart, considerate, loving person, and those qualities are essential in a ruler. However, like Her Majesty, I also agree that she should step down for two reasons. One, the laws regarding the man or woman ruling our country are far too important to be ignored. We're not talking about not enforcing speeding laws if someone should happen to go a mile or two over the limit. We're talking about the laws regarding the person who is governing our nation. This recent discovery about Her Majesty's true paternity is most unfortunate, but even though you are a very capable ruler, Your Majesty, we cannot just ignore our country's laws when we don't like them or when they become inconvenient for us, especially laws of this magnitude. And two, we must also take Your Majesty's health into consideration. Ruling a country, caring for _thousands _of people, takes a tremendous mental, emotional, and physical toll on someone who's already in the best of health, and we must face facts, Your Majesty: you are _not _in the best of health. I don't mean this unkindly, but someone with a health history of two heart attacks with an internal defibrillator implanted in her chest has _no _business ruling a country. You've already done so much good for Genovia. I think that now, you should rest and leave the hard work to Nicholas and me."

"Thank you for your input, Lady Roberta," I told her. "For the record, I agree with you. I wouldn't have agreed with you when I was younger, but now that I'm a little older and have matured a little more, I see the wisdom in what you just said. We can't just ignore our nation's laws whenever they become inconvenient for us and we decide we don't like them. Our laws aren't a buffet line in a restaurant; we can't just pick and choose which ones to follow and which ones not to. It may not seem fair and we may not like it, but the fact is, according to the laws of our country, my claim to the Genovian throne is not valid. And because that is the case, with your permission, Nicholas, I would like to step down and have you take my place sometime next month, after the Christmas holidays are over."

Nicholas let out a mournful sigh, and then after a pause, he responded, "I'll take over the position for you next month if that's what you really want, Mia, and I'll always try my utmost best to be a worthy ruler, but let's get one thing clear: no one could _ever _take your place."

"Thank you, Nicholas. I appreciate you saying that; I really do."

"And I couldn't agree with my husband more, Your Majesty. You will be sorely missed around here," Lady Roberta said, which caused more than one raised eyebrow in the room.

"_Around here? _What do you mean Mia will be missed _around here?_" asked Grandma. "Mia may be stepping down as Queen, but she isn't going anywhere. This palace is still her home."

"Forgive me, Queen Clarisse. I meant no disrespect. Of course Her Majesty and His Grace and their daughters will always have a place here. But I can't help but think that it would be best for all concerned and for the Genovian people in general if Queen Mia moved out of the palace after she steps down. I mean, think about it, Your Majesty. You are an incredibly popular queen, and the people aren't going to accept your abdication that easily. I know my husband has what it takes to be a great ruler, but winning over the Genovian people after your departure will still be an uphill battle for him, and because he and I have only been married to each other for a short time and our getting married was quite sudden, it will be even harder for me to be accepted as the new Queen of Genovia. But I believe that if you were to move out of the palace, it would send a clear message to the people of Genovia that you no longer consider yourself Queen and that you publicly support our right to rule."

"_That is preposterous_!" Uncle Seb yelled.

"Her Majesty may be giving up her throne, but she is _not _giving up her home!" Charlotte cried out.

"You're out of line, Roberta," Grandma told her very, _very _firmly. Yet while she was keeping her temper in check as usual, I could see it in her eyes that she was absolutely furious inside. "Way, _way _out of line," she added.

"You have _no right _to make that kind of a suggestion, Roberta," Lionel said to her with similar anger that, like Grandma, he too was managing to keep under control. "You don't have any right to try to tell my wife and I that we should leave our home."

"I couldn't agree more," said Joe. "Perhaps Genovian law does permit you and your husband to take Her Majesty's crown from her, but it _doesn't _permit you to interfere in her personal life."

"Actually, everyone...I think that Lady Roberta does have a point. I'm certainly not trying to brag, but I am aware of the fact that I've been a popular ruler in Genovia for a while now, and the people may be rather reluctant to accept two new rulers, especially if one of them is someone they barely know. If I do leave the palace after I step down next month, it just might send the people of Genovia a clear message that I'm acknowledging the fact that Lord Nicholas and Lady Roberta are the rightful new King and Queen of Genovia, and the fact that I no longer consider myself Genovia's queen. It might make the whole transition easier for everyone. However, Lady Roberta, this is something I will have to discuss with my husband in private before any final decisions are made."

"Of course, Your Majesty. Anything you say."

After our morning meeting together was concluded a few moments later and Nicholas and his wife and Uncle Sebastian left, tempers flared, especially Grandma's.

"_Who _does that bleach-blonde hussy think she is?!" Grandma raged. "_How dare she _tell _my granddaughter _that she should leave her own home?!"

"She's almost acting as if she's already on the throne," Charlotte angrily complained.

"I just don't know what to make of all of this," said Joe. "_Mija_, it just seems like too much much of a coincidence that you found and read those letters so soon after she first came here to _really _be be a coincidence. I honestly suspected at first that the letters might have been faked and planted for you to find and that she had something to do with it. Then when you and your grandmother decided to go through with the DNA testing, I hoped that the test results would prove once and for all that you were a Renaldi by blood and that those letters were nothing but nonsense, and then the whole matter could be laid to rest."

"But DNA doesn't lie, Papa. If those letters really were faked and planted by Lady Devereaux for me to find, then the DNA tests wouldn't have shown that Grandma isn't my biological grandmother. Instead, the DNA tests only proved that those letters were telling the truth about Mom's affair."

Charlotte shook her head then and said, "No, I'm with you, Joseph. There's something about this that just simply doesn't feel right to me. There are things here that simply aren't adding up. I agree that it's far too much of a coincidence that you just _happened _to find those letters practically two seconds after Lady Devereaux first showed up here, Your Majesty. I realize it's highly unlikely, but is it at all possible that someone broke into Dr. Adams's lab and tampered with the test results?"

It was then Lionel's turn to shake his head, and in the next moment, he said, "There's no way. Ever since Joseph came out of retirement and resumed his position as Royal Head of Security seven years ago, he's had this palace more tightened down and secure than all the gold in Fort Knox. _Nobody _gets in here and gets access to Mia or to her DNA samples and medical records or _anything _pertaining to her without Joseph and me knowing about it first."

"Well even if Her Hussy-ship had nothing to do with the letters, she was still wrong to even _think _of telling you that you should leave the palace," said Grandma. "That woman has more nerve than a rotting tooth! _How dare she _say such a thing to you?!"

"I really have to say, sweetheart, that I admire the way you held your temper and kept your composure," Lionel told me.

"Me too, little one," Grandma agreed. "You really were amazing. You were remarkably poised, polite, patient, and gracious. I think you were taking good manners a bit too far, though, when you said you thought Lady Devereaux actually had a point to what she was saying."

"I thank you very much for the compliment, Grandma, but I didn't say it just because I was trying to be polite; I meant what I said. I think she does have a good point. As much as I hate to say it, Lionel, I really do think you and I should consider leaving the palace and finding a place of our own next month after I've officially stepped down."

"_What_?!" Grandma cried out.

"_Why_?" asked Joe.

"Because I think it's probably what's best for Genovia. Nicholas won't have any problems stepping into my shoes once I'm gone; I'm certain of it. I didn't want to say this in front of Lady Roberta, though, but with her, it's a different story. Due to her past and due to the fact that the people don't know her very well, I think she's going to have a much harder time being accepted by the Genovian people as their Queen. And Genovia deserves to have a queen who feels free to be herself and focus on her job without having to worry about any threats, and I'm not sure Lady Roberta can be a very effective queen while I'm here because, in case you guys didn't pick up on it from my conversation with her just now, the fact that I'm popular with the people really makes her feel threatened. And I don't think the fact that I had a previous relationship with Nicholas is a very big help, either. I think that the best thing I can possibly do to help Lady Roberta become a worthy Queen of Genovia, the kind of queen this country needs and deserves, is if I leave."

"Oh tosh, Mia!" Grandma instantly dismissed me with a wave of her hands. "Your popularity with the people and your previous relationship with Nicholas has got nothing to do with it. If that woman honestly had what it takes inside to be a worthy Queen of Genovia, then neither of those things would matter. She's not threatened by your popularity or by your previous relationship with Nicholas. It's your _character_, your decency and kindness and love and integrity, that make you a threat, because all of those things are things she doesn't have. She's trying to get rid of you because she doesn't have what it takes to be a queen and deep down, she knows it. Don't listen to her, baby. Don't let her win. Don't let her drive you away from us."

"Oh Grandma, she could never drive me away from you guys. Even if Lionel and I do decide to leave next month, you know I'll be over here to see you all the time, and all of you will be hanging out with us at our new place just as often. You know you can't get rid of me that easily."

"Nor would we ever want to, my dear."

"Thank you, Joe," I told him. Then a few moments later, I excused myself because I had a meeting I had to attend with Sebastian and a couple of diplomats from Spain to discuss Genovia's latest round of trading with them.

After I was finally through with work that day, Lionel and I sat down together in our suite and had a long talk about whether or not we should leave. Being the typical considerate, supportive husband he's always been, Lionel assured me that he didn't care where we were living as long as I was happy, which I deeply appreciated, although he did let me know that he strongly agreed with Grandma and everybody else, that Lady Roberta was out of line to say the things she did. But at the time, I really was convinved that leaving the palace after stepping down from the throne was what was best for everyone, so Lionel agreed for us to start looking for our own place. We also agreed, however, that we didn't want to tell the girls we were moving until after the holidays were over and we'd had a chance to find a house. We'd already told them that I would be stepping down as Queen next month, and while Claire was disappointed when we told her that my stepping down meant that she would no longer get to become Queen herself when she grew up, both she and Rosie thought it was "cool" that the three of us would be princesses together. But we agreed that we didn't want them to know we were leaving the palace just yet because we didn't want to upset them and possibly spoil their Christmas.

The next day when I was done with work, I ran into Uncle Seb in one of the sitting rooms and he asked to talk with me alone for a moment, so I sent my guards out of the room.

"Okay, Uncle Sebastian, what's up?" I asked him.

"My dear, if you don't mind my asking, are you really stepping down because you think it's the right thing to do, or is there another reason? I've noticed that you have seemed rather tired and stressed out since you first came back to work full-time, and over the past couple of months in particular. I just wanted to let you know that if you're thinking of leaving because the workload has been too much for you physically, all you have to do is say the word and Nicholas and I would be more than happy to do more to–"

"No, Seb. You're right about the stress and fatigue. It has been getting to me lately, but after nine and a half years as a queen, I've gotten used to stress and fatigue; _believe me_. I'm not stepping down because I don't want to deal with the stress anymore. I really am stepping down because I believe it's the right thing to do. I was very shocked and upset when Grandma and I first learned that I wasn't a Renaldi by blood, but in the long run, I can't help but believe it's for the best. The cold hard fact is, I simply do not have the strength I used to have. As you remember, I used to be healthy and strong enough to handle _all _the demands of my job without any help from Nicholas. I think it would be far better for Genovia to have a young, healthy, strong King and Queen rather than a physically weaker Queen who can't completely handle the job herself anymore."

"Mia, _every _ruler needs help from the people around them, even those who are in the very best of health. You aren't alone in that. Being physically weaker and having health issues is nothing to be ashamed of. In all other important ways, believe me when I tell you, you are _remarkably _strong. When it comes to the heart, you are the strongest ruler Genovia has ever had."

"I appreciate the compliment, Seb, and I appreciate all your support. I really do. But I've thought very hard about this and I really do believe it's in everyone's best interests that I turn the throne over to Nicholas and leave."

"I just had a déjà vu. I was standing right here in this very room, as a matter fact, with a young princess who had just gotten crushed in her first session with Parliament by a cruel snake of a viscount after she'd suggested that instead of giving the von Trokens a lease to build another luxury hotel, our government should use its money instead to build a children's home for orphans and foster children. Despite the fact that this sweet, gentle young princess was as thoughtful and loving as she could be, most people at the time doubted her because she was different from the typical kind of royal we were all so used to in Genovia at the time. Even her own grandmother doubted her from time to time, and that took a real toll on this sweetheart of a princess inside because her grandmother's approval meant everything to her. And when her first session with Parliament blew up in her face, she was so devastated and convinced she couldn't do the job that she was all set to pack her bags, walk out the door, and go back to America. You remember that?"

I gave Uncle Seb a knowing smile and told him, "Who could forget?"

In that next moment, the conversation I'd had with Sebastian nine and a half years ago came flooding back into my mind.

In all my days as Princess of Genovia, _that _day really was the very worst. I had obviously made a lot of mistakes ever since I first moved into the palace and began preparing to ascend the throne in Grandma's place. I wasn't used to having to worry about what I said to whom, or where I chose to have a private conversation with someone, which was why I hadn't stopped to think about what kind of an impression it would make on others in the palace if someone should happen to walk in on Nicholas and me while I was trying to give him a piece of my mind in private in the hall closet. And whenever somebody said something to upset me like Nicholas had at the royal garden party days before, instead of being the proper, mature royal I was supposed to be and letting it go, I gave in to my emotions and gave Nicholas the reaction he'd wanted, which of course led to the infamous water fountain incident. I wasn't used to having to _constantly worry_ about _every single little thing _I did or said 24/7. What I'd really needed in order to learn how to handle myself as a queen every second of my life the way that Grandma did was the one thing I didn't have: _time_. I loved and admired Grandma so much and when we'd had our recent fight and she'd gotten so angry at me, I may have gotten angry and fought back in return but deep down, it completely broke my heart. But when I'd invited the orphans and foster children to walk with me in the Independence Day Parade two days earlier, I could tell that I had really made a good impression on everyone, even Grandma, and that she was no longer as angry and disappointed with me as she had been. I was perfectly aware of all my weaknesses as a royal; the press and all my critics were _always _putting them in my face all the time. I knew I _definitely _hadn't mastered the art of behaving like the perfectly proper, graceful, poised royal every second of every day and in every possible situation the way that Grandma had, and I knew I probably never would. I wasn't Clarisse Renaldi and I never could be. But I also knew that even though I would always be clumsy and flawed as far as everyone in royal society was concerned, I did have the ability to make a real difference and cause positive changes to happen in Genovia, and I'd always believed that if I just focused on my strengths and did as much political good for Genovia as I could, in the end, that would be enough to outweigh my weaknesses. And when the idea came to me shortly after the parade to make the suggestion of building a children's home to Parliament, I just _knew _that this would be my chance to finally prove to everyone, especially to Grandma, that I could be a good ruler despite the fact that I wasn't as perfect as she was. But when I sat in on my first Parliament session and made the suggestion, Viscount Mabrey asked me for specifics of my plans – specifics I didn't have – and he then verbally ripped me to shreds in front of everyone and made me look like an utter fool. I spent the rest of the session fighting off tears.

But when the session was over, after all the other men left, I ran off to the nearest place where I could have a moment alone, which was in one of the sitting rooms, and I laid down on the couch and just sobbed my heart out. A couple of minutes later, I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I heard Sebastian's kind voice.

"That's right, sweetheart," he said to me very lovingly. "You just have yourself a good cry. You've earned it."

Then remembering how Grandma had told me in our argument that as a royal, I couldn't afford to lose it, I immediately sat up and wiped all my tears and fought to regain my composure, but I was so devastated inside that I knew I'd never be able to completely pull myself together no matter how hard I tried; that I still needed to cry a little while longer, so I told him, "Prime Minister Motaz, I do appreciate your kindness, but please let me be alone right now. I don't want anyone to see me like this."

"Like what? Like a human being with feelings?" he said as he sat down beside me. "And please, call me Sebastian," he said with a smile, which I returned.

"Well Sebastian, according to Grandma, when you're a Genovian royal, you can't afford to lose it in front of anybody else. Royals aren't allowed to be human beings with feelings. Didn't you get the memo?"

Again, he gave me a knowing smile. Then he said, "Don't you believe that. Royals aren't the constantly perfect superhumans everyone expects them to be; they're just as human as anybody else."

"Well according to Grandma, I'm not allowed to be human. _How does she do it_, Sebastian? _How _did Clarisse Renaldi become so stinking perfect all the time?! It's like she's some kind of computer or robot or superwoman! _She never _makes mistakes. She never has a clumsy moment; she never has a hair out of place; she _always _knows what to do or what to say to people, and she _never _messes up, and certainly not as badly as I do. She never gets caught talking to the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I know she _never _would have gotten drenched in a water fountain like I did. I still don't think she's fully forgiven me for that yet. And _also _unlike her disappointing failure of a granddaughter, Grandma knows how to handle Viscount Mabrey in Parliament, and as you just saw, I haven't got a prayer against that guy. If being Queen of Genovia means that I have to constantly be _that perfect_, then I may as well go upstairs, pack my bags, and head back to America right now because you know as well as I do there isn't a snowflake's chance in hell I can pull it off."

"Sweet girl, it all boils down to one word: _experience_. When you had to make the transition from an ordinary girl to a royal princess practically overnight, you were thrown into a very unfair situation. It wasn't fair for Queen Clarisse or _anyone _to expect you to make a life-changing transition like that after a simple makeover and a couple of weeks of lessons in etiquette, and the fact that you pulled it off in spite of the odds against you proves what a strong young lady you are. And now that you're getting ready to make the transition from a princess to a queen, things are terribly unfair for you all over again. The entire country expects you to automatically be able to handle yourself as well as your grandmother does overnight, when she has _decades _more experience than you have. Your grandmother isn't some kind of computer or robot or superwoman who never makes mistakes. She's every bit as human as you are. She simply knows how to handle herself and how to deal with her political opponents better than you do because she's been at it a whole lot longer than you have. No one can expect you to develop that kind of wisdom and understanding within a timespan of just thirty days, while at the same time having to deal with the emotional upheaval I'm sure you're experiencing being forced into an arranged marriage like this. But even though it was unfair and incredibly difficult for you to make the transition from a regular girl to royal princess in so short a time, you did it. And I know it's even harder for you now to go from a princess to a queen, but you _do _have what it takes to make the transition again; I know it. Being a queen isn't about acting perfect all the time, and it isn't about riding a horse sidesaddle or never having a clumsy moment, and it _certainly _doesn't mean that you stop being human and stop making mistakes. Even with all her experience, Queen Clarisse still has bad days and she still makes mistakes like everybody else on the planet; she just works hard to make it _look _like she doesn't."

"Well I can never do that."

"I know you can't, and I know the Queen dislikes that quality in you now, but in the long run, I am convinced that your inability to hide both your compassion and your weaknesses will make you an even better ruler than your grandmother. Queen Clarisse learned long ago how to be a terrific actress. She learned how to pretend to be perfect in every situation because in her time, that was what her people expected of their queen. But times have changed and now, people see through the 'perfect royal' act and they no longer want a queen who's perfect or pretending to be perfect; they want somebody _real_, who isn't afraid to be human, and with all due respect to your grandmother, that's not her. _That's you_."

"Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. It seems that you're the _only _person here willing to give me one. It seems that you're the only one around here who's willing to even _try _to understand what all of this is like for me; well, you and Joe, that is."

"You're different from the typical Genovian royal because you haven't lived in high society all your life like all the others have, and because you're different, you do have your critics like Viscount Mabrey and Lord Pallimore; it's true. But you have a lot more friends here than you realize; believe me."

"Thank you. I hope so. I guess I'm just so crushed by what happened in Parliament today because I believed that even though I'm pretty clumsy and I'm not always very poised and even though I make embarrassing mistakes sometimes, helping to pass laws in Parliament that would help the Genovian people would sort of be my ace in the hole, so to speak. I thought that I could at least do a good job as a ruler in our legislature and that my strength in Parliament would be enough to outweigh all my other weaknesses. I thought this would finally be my chance to shine a little bit as a queen-to-be. But, you saw how well that worked out," I said with a sigh.

"If Mabrey would have just kept his mouth shut for _one minute_," I went on to explain, "I would have told him _why _I didn't have any plans or presentations for my idea for a children's home ready yet. I thought about doing something like that, but then I thought that the other Parliament members might not like some of my ideas for the building, so I thought I could suggest the idea and hear what everybody else had to say and see what all they wanted to do, and then we could go from there. And on top of that, _I have _been getting ready to get married."

"Even if you had done all the preliminary work in advance and made a big presentation today, Mabrey _still _would have ripped into you because he wants the power he could enjoy by having a nephew on the throne, and you are standing in the way of that power right now, so he wants nothing more than to completely tear you down. Anything and everything you could have said in there today would have been criticized by him because he wanted to make sure to tear you down in front of the others and destroy your confidence. Don't worry so much. Queen Clarisse and I will help you learn how to deal with him and in time, I assure you, you _will _be able to handle him as well as your grandmother does.

"When it comes to having a good card to play in the hole, you already have everything you need. You don't need an ace, because you're already carrying the queen of hearts. Being a queen is ultimately about loving people, and you have one of the most loving hearts I've ever seen, and in no time at all, that loving heart of yours will make you the queen of everybody's hearts in Genovia. Don't pack your bags and run away to America. Don't let him discourage you and chase you away, and do _not _let him steal your confidence. Mabrey is a snake, and he struck out at you today, not because he's stronger than you are, but because he fears you. That powerful heart of yours scares him to death, and he knows that if you stay, you _will _become the queen of all Genovian hearts one day."

"Oh Sebastian, thank you," I told him as I gave him a big hug. "Thank you _so much_."

When the embrace ended, he said, "You're more than welcome."

"If it weren't for your encouragement that day, I probably would have packed my bags and caught the first plane back to the States," I told Uncle Seb.

"Then I'm glad I was there," Sebastian said with another smile.

"So am I."

"And I think that what I told you over nine years ago is just as relevant today as it was then. I always knew you had what it took to become the queen of the Genovian people's hearts, and you did. You won them over, not with your physical health and strength or your Renaldi bloodline or your being poised and graceful and having the ability to ride a horse sidesaddle." I laughed at that. "You won them over with your loving heart. Being the Queen isn't about being in perfect physical health, and it isn't about your bloodline. It's about your willingness to love others."

"Thank you, Uncle Seb. I respect your opinion, and I really appreciate all the kind things you've said to me, but I truly believe this is the right thing for me to do."

"Well if between now and next month you should change your mind and decide to drop this whole thing, I just want you to know that you'll have my complete support."

"I never doubted it for a minute," I said, and then I gave him a big hug.

The following evening when our workday was done, Grandma and Joe agreed to watch the girls for us while Lionel and I left to go house-hunting with Charlotte, who with her creativity and connections, managed to get the keys to several homes for us to take tours of in private. While we were on our way out, though, Brigitte stopped us.

"Sorry to interrupt you, Your Majesty, but I just ran into Prime Minister Motaz, and he wanted me to give you something." Brigitte then handed me a card from a deck, and when I turned it over, I saw that it was the queen of hearts, and I smiled. "He said you'd understand."

"Yes, I do understand. Thank you, Brigitte," I told her.

"Yes, ma'am," she responded, and then she left. I had thought hard about my decision to step down from the throne and leave the palace, and I'd certainly prayed and asked for guidance plenty of times, and I'd felt quite certain that I really was doing the right thing, and what was best for Genovia. But for some reason, as I looked down at the queen of hearts in my hand, I just couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to listen to the message of that card.


	16. Mia's Choice

**Chapter Sixteen**

_Mia_

As we approached mid-December, life was more chaotic than ever as Lionel and I were preparing for me to step down as Queen and leave the palace next month. At first, I really was convinced that Lady Devereaux had changed her ways and was now a better person than she had been throughout her sordid past, but over the past several days, I'd noticed how she'd lost her temper and raged at more than one person who failed to do what she wanted, when she wanted, in the way she wanted, and that deeply concerned me. When I finally had a free moment to do so, I took my concerns to Nicholas when we were alone one day in the throne room.

"You're right, Mia," he told me. "Ever since _day one_of our marriage, it has been pure hell. When we were on vacation together in Florida, she was so sweet and caring. She had me thoroughly convinced she had changed her ways. But practically the very moment after we said, 'I do,' it's like the sweet mask she was wearing was immediately ripped off and she was transformed into some kind of monster.

"I just want to say how deeply sorry I am that she even _dared_to make the suggestion to you that you leave the palace. I have never been more embarrassed, or more furious, in my entire life than the day in your office when she said that to you, and believe me; I let her know it."

"Nicholas, it isn't your place to apologize for the words and actions of somebody else, and no apology is necessary. I was serious when I told your wife that I agreed with her. I know what it's like; I know just how hard it can be to make the transition into life as a queen, and at the time that I agreed to step down and leave, I truly did believe my going away would help make the transition easier for her. I just wanted Genovia to have a healthy, strong king and queen, and I wanted to do my part to help the two of you to settle into your royal positions. That's why I agreed to leave.

"As for Roberta, I'm beginning to realize that we _both_have gotten played, here. Grandma and everybody else warned me about her. They told me that her elopement with you was nothing more than a big set-up by her; that she had plans for getting me out of the way so that through her marriage to you, she could become Queen. I'm the first person to admit that it's a very strange coincidence that I found those letters from my parents and that DNA testing proved I wasn't a Renaldi by blood so soon after Roberta first came to the palace, but as I told Joe, DNA doesn't lie. But even though DNA testing proved that Prince Philippe is not my biological father, that doesn't mean she doesn't want to use this situation to her advantage. Anyway, I'm concerned now that the main reason she was in such a rush to marry you was so she could one day get to the throne."

"Oh, _I know_it is. Ever since you first agreed to step down, that's been all she ever talks about. She can't stop making plans for what dress she's going to wear and what jewelry and shoes she's going to wear at our coronation. Heck, she's even making plans for the renovations she wants to make to your suite once you and Lionel are gone. Now, whatever love or affection or interest she seemed to feel towards me is completely gone and she's either totally ignoring my existence or she's being downright cold to me."

"I don't know _how many times_I have heard battered wives describe this same kind of behavior at the Pyrus Women's Shelter. At first, their husbands were nice and thoughtful and kind, and just plain charming to be around. Then right after the wedding, the charming mask comes off and the monster comes out."

"It is just so draining," Nicholas admitted with a sigh. "She never stops complaining or criticizing, and nothing I ever do is good enough. She just sucks the life right out of me. I don't see _how_I can be a very effective king with her around."

"Maybe it isn't my place to say this, Nicholas, but perhaps you really should consider getting the marriage annulled. I know that as a Christian, ending your marriage is probably unthinkable to you, but I have personally seen the damaging psychological and physical effects of living with years of constant verbal and emotional abuse. It seems more and more likely now that Roberta is an abuser at heart, and I speak from personal experience when I say that abusers are deadly."

"I highly doubt Roberta will be very deadly to me. I'm a lot bigger and stronger than she is."

"That's a very common misconception about abuse, that verbal and emotional abuse don't have as big an impact on a person as physical abuse does. Victims of child and domestic abuse have considerably higher rates of mental and physical illness than other people, and a lot of that stems from the psychological impact of the non-physical forms of abuse they endure. For the sake of your own safety and well-being, as well as Genovia's, you _really_need to consider getting out of this marriage."

"But as far as the Bible is concerned, divorce is only acceptable in the sight of God in the case of adultery or desertion by an unbelieving spouse."

"That's another misconception, one that's all too common in the Christian community, as a matter of fact. Abuse _is_desertion of the marriage, Nicholas. It may not be physical desertion, but it _is_spiritual desertion of the very worst kind. Do you really think God would be blind to that fact? Do you really think God is more concerned with the marriage itself rather than with the well-being of the people in it?"

"I never thought about it that way before, but it does make sense. I can't believe for one minute that Jesus would be blind to emotional and spiritual desertion."

"He isn't. Anyway, I know it isn't my place to tell you what to do in your own marriage. I just don't want to see you go through what I've seen so many abuse victims going through over the years."

"No Mia, I'm grateful to you for sharing your opinion. I know you're just trying to look out for me, and I appreciate that so much. Believe me; I will strongly consider everything you've said."

"Good. Now that I've shared my personal concerns with you as your friend, I have to share other concerns with you as your Queen. Whether or not you decide to stay in this marriage is up to you, but when the two of you do ascend the throne in my place next month, for the love of heaven and earth, _do not_give her any power beyond that of consort. _Do not _let her have any influence whatsoever on ruling decisions."

"Don't worry. I'll keep her locked in your suite for the rest of our lives if I have to. _I will not_allow her to harm Genovia. I promise you that with all my heart."

"Thank you," I told him with a worried smile, hoping that he could only see the smile and not the worrying behind it, and then we said goodbye and I went upstairs to my suite...where I found Brigitte and Brigitta crying their eyes out. The instant they both saw me, they immediately started wiping their eyes and trying to regain their composure.

"We're terribly sorry, Your Majesty," said Brigitta.

"Forgive us, Your Majesty," Brigitte said.

"Ladies, there's nothing to apologize for. Just tell me what's the matter. What's wrong?" I asked them as I motioned towards the bed, where we all sat down together.

"It's nothing you need to worry about, ma'am," Brigitte told me.

"You have much more important things to concern yourself with besides us," Brigitta said. "We'll be alright. We're both just having a bad day; that's all."

"Right now, there's nothing more important to me than being there for my friends," I reassured them as warmly as I could, and it seemed to work because they both smiled when I said that. "What's wrong, you two? Why have you both been crying?"

After a long moment of hesitation, Brigitte finally answered, "It's Lady Devereaux, Your Majesty."

"While you've been working today and we were doing our chores, Lady Devereaux saw us and started complaining about the way we were arranging things in the hall closet," Brigitta explained.

"The hall closet was one thing, but what really got to us was the way she just kept on and on and on _and on_berating every single thing we did and the way we did it. Then she started in on us about our appearance."

"Your appearance?" I said with interest, wondering what on earth Lady Devereaux could possibly complain about. Both Brigitte and Brigitta were beautiful young ladies who obviously took good care of their personal appearance.

"In case you haven't noticed, Your Majesty, Brigitte and I have put on a little weight lately."

I had noticed that they each had been looking just a little thicker around the middle than they usually did. They looked like they might have gained two or three pounds recently, but it was hardly anything worth mentioning.

"Oh, what? You gained two whole pounds over the past month or so? That's no big deal. You're both perfectly gorgeous. Don't pay any attention to any stupid remarks Lady Devereaux has made."

"Well there's a reason for it, ma'am." Brigitte then looked at Brigitta for a long moment, as if to get her unspoken permission to tell me something, and then she said, "Brigitta's seven weeks pregnant, and I'm eight weeks along."

"Oh, my gosh!" I cried out, and then I gave them a big, long hug. "That is _wonderful_, you two! I am so happy for you!"

After another long moment of silence, Brigitta said, "It won't be that wonderful for either of us if we don't have jobs."

"Don't have jobs? What on earth are you talking about?" I'd automatically assumed that nothing would change after I left. The thought never once crossed my mind that Lady Devereaux wouldn't want Brigitte and Brigitta as her lady's maids once she became Queen.

"She said that she knew about our pregnancies, and that she didn't want lady's maids who were fat," Brigitte elaborated. I was outraged.

"_What?!_" I yelled, unable to believe my ears.

"And when we told our husbands, they were so furious that they handed in their resignations on the spot," Brigitta added. "So now, my husband and I are both out of a job with no place to live, with a five-year-old son and another baby on the way, and Brigitte and her husband are both out of a job with no place to live, with their first baby on the way." Both their husbands worked on the security staff, and they all lived together in the servants' wings of the palace.

"Oh Your Majesty, I so wish we could just leave here with you and come to work for you in your new home," Brigitte told me.

"Well who says you can't?"

"Are you serious?!" Brigitta happily cried out.

"Sure! Even though I won't be entirely royal anymore after next month, Lionel and I will still need somesecurity. And while I won't be doing as much diplomatic and political work anymore, I do have a three-year-old and a five-year-old and a husband to take care of, so I'll still need plenty of help around the house. I tell you what. When Lionel and I go out looking at houses again, why don't you and your husbands come with us? We'll be sure to find a place that has plenty of room for all of us, and that we all like."

"Oh Your Majesty, you're wonderful!" Brigitte squealed, and then she gave me an enormous hug.

"You're the best!" Brigitta said aloud, and then she hugged me too.

"Oh no, it's no big deal. I'm more than happy to do it. Besides, you two know I wouldn't know what to do without you anyway."

"You are the most thoughtful queen ever," Brigitte told me.

"I'll second that," Grandma's voice called out from behind us in that next moment, and then we quickly stood to face her. "Ladies, will you excuse us, please?"

"Of course, Your Majesty," Brigitta answered and then left with Brigitte.

"What was that all about?" Grandma asked, and for the next couple of minutes, I explained the entire situation to her.

"It's a real mess," I sighed when I was finished telling her about everything. "I just can't thank God enough that it's going to be _Nicholas _with the real power and not his wife. To tell the truth, if I'd honestly known how emotionally abusive she can be, I would have gone along with what you and Joe told me in the beginning and just kept quiet about Mom's affair and my true paternity. The thought of a person like that becoming Queen really worries me."

"It worries me too darling, but as you said, at the end of the day, it's going to be Nicholas with the real power, not his wife, and I'm certain that he's going to be a responsible ruler for Genovia. Please, try not to let it upset you so. I know that the way Roberta's behaving is very upsetting, but Nicholas loves Genovia and for the sake of our country, I'm positive he's going to do everything in his power to keep his wife on a short leash so she can't cause too much trouble."

"I'm sure you're right, Mama. I guess it's just that after five years as Princess and nine years as Queen, royal duty can be a hard thing to let go of."

"Well, you won't just be abandoning all your royal duties, you know. You may not be a Renaldi by blood, but as the legal daughter of Prince Philippe and the legal granddaughter of King Rupert and myself, you will always be a Genovian princess. And after you step down as Queen, as Princess, you'll still be carrying out an important role."

"You mean, I'll be making the required appearances at royal balls and dinners, making occasional speeches, cutting ribbons, and smiling and waving for the cameras."

"I know, love. I know it's a step down. I know you won't be playing as big a role in the people's lives anymore and you won't be able to have the kind of influence in Parliament that you do now. I know how important it is to you to use the political power you have in our legislature for good in the Genovian people's lives and that you won't have that kind of power as a princess. I understand that you want to do more for our people besides making appearances at royal dinners and making speeches at different charity events. But there is another side to all of this that you have to think about."

"My health problems," I sighed.

Grandma looked me squarely in the eye then and said, "Your family. My parents were the best of friends with your Grandfather Rupert's parents, and with the family of another British duke, and when I was born, it was always understood between all our families that if I didn't marry into the duke's family, I would marry your grandfather or one of his younger brothers. And because my path was always laid out for me by my parents from day one, they constantly made it clear to me from the moment I could crawl that duty was the most important thing in my life. They drummed it into me my whole life that my duty to the country of the royal husband I would likely someday marry automatically trumped everything else, even my family, and the well-being of the people I loved the most. And ever since I became a royal at age nineteen, I spent my life doing exactly what my parents drummed it into me that I had to do: putting my royal duties to Genovia above everything…and every_one_…else, including my family. While I have always loved my children dearly, I sacrificed so much time I could _and should _have spent with them as a mother, all in the name of my royal duty. God knows I threw my relationship with you under the bus for the first sixteen years of your life, all because I was back here in Genovia, doing my royal duty. You cannot do the same thing I did, Mia. You cannot walk the same lonely, empty path I did.

"Speaking as one queen to another, _yes, it is _your duty, your royal duty to Genovia, to try your hardest to stay in power so that Roberta cannot possibly have any influence over any decisions Nicholas may make as a ruler. But you also have another duty to think about that's equally important, and that's your duty to Claire and Rosie as a mother. Roberta has been wrong, _dead wrong_, about many things she's said since she got here, but she _was _right about one thing: a person with a health history of two heart attacks and an internal defibrillator in her chest has got _no _business trying to handle the strain of ruling a country. Being without your father has always caused you immense heartache. Just think about what it'll do to Claire and Rosie if you're not here to see them grow up. I put my duty to Genovia before the well-being of my children and my only grandchild. You cannot do that to your girls. For their sake and for Lionel's, you have _got _to do what's best for your health."

"I know, Grandma, and believe me, I hear what you're saying. I really do, and as a mother and a wife, I know how right you are. I just can't stand the thought that I helped a verbally and emotionally abusive person like Roberta become Queen of Genovia. Oh, _why _did she do it, Grandma? _Why _did Mom have that affair? How could she do that to Dad, to all of us? I mean, of course I love my mother, but I can't help but feel so angry and frustrated with her for putting us in this position in the first place. That one act, that one stupid, selfish act, could have negative consequences for our entire country, if Nicholas can't keep Roberta in check."

"I'll admit that when I first read your mother's letter, your mother's confession to Philippe, I felt pretty angry with her myself for betraying your father like that. However, the fact remains that if she hadn't had that affair, you wouldn't be here. I'm certainly not happy about the way it happened, but I simply cannot thank the Lord enough that your mother gave us you. As I just said, I was angry and upset with your mother in the beginning, but I simply cannot bring myself to stay mad at her because she's the one who brought you into this world."

"Bringing me into this world doesn't make what she did okay, though," I insisted.

"Of course it doesn't," Grandma agreed. "But you know as well as I do that we sometimes do foolish and impulsive and reckless things when we're young, without thinking about the overall consequences of our actions where other people are concerned. I remember the very first fight I had with your Grandfather Rupert shortly after our engagement was officially announced to the public. I don't even remember what the fight was about now; it's been so many years, but I do remember that I was so upset that I actually got drunk later that night and started stumbling around all over the palace. Naturally, my little drunken display didn't help matters for me very much. Rupert's parents were actually so infuriated by what I did that they nearly called off the marriage, and I think they probably would have if the announcement of our betrothal hadn't already been made to the rest of the country."

"Grandma, you can't compare getting drunk one night out of your life to cheating on your husband. One drunk night out of a lifetime can't even begin to compare to a married woman sleeping around with another man."

"Oh, I'm not so sure. I was a whole lot like you when you first came to the palace. Now that you've been Queen a good while, you understand how even the smallest of your actions in your personal everyday life can have repercussions, not just for you but for our entire country, and today, you're much more careful about the way you handle yourself. When I got drunk that night, I was only thinking about myself and how I was feeling. I wasn't thinking about the fact that if I handled myself carelessly in the palace, especially in front of Rupert's parents, they would want to call off our engagement, and I wasn't thinking about what the repercussions would be for Genovia if they did. If they had called off our betrothal, Rupert very likely would have ended up going back to Baroness von Troken, and you know how mean-spirited and vindictive she used to be. Can you imagine what it would have been like for Genovia if she had ended up on the throne at the time instead of me?"

"Yeah, I guess you do have a point," I admitted quietly. "And I know how I ran sneaking off with Nicholas on that secret date of ours just two nights before I was supposed to be getting married to Andrew. Nothing may have happened between Nicholas and me that night sexually speaking, but I was still an engaged woman at the time, and I certainly had no business sneaking out on a date with another man. I think what I did with Nicholas that night would definitely qualify as emotionally cheating on my then fiancé. Like you and Mom, I, too, was young and immature and reckless and I also did foolish things because I wasn't thinking about what the consequences of my actions would be for other people or for my country. At the time, I wasn't thinking about how my actions would hurt Andrew, or about how my actions could cause our family yet another royal scandal and further embarrassment that they did not need. I was only thinking about myself and what I wanted. I know everybody makes mistakes like that at times. I guess with my track record, I haven't got any business being angry at Mom when I'm guilty of doing similar things in the past myself."

"No, it is understandable that you'd feel shocked, hurt, and angry. This whole thing has been an enormous shock to us all, quite frankly. And you are right to feel frustrated with her actions, because they were stupid and selfish and they could possibly have negative consequences for our entire country. I just don't want you to hold onto your anger and frustration for too long because I don't want you to become bitter towards your mother, and I don't want your overall feelings for her to change because of one simple mistake she made in her marriage over thirty years ago. She may have done something very selfish and very stupid, just like we all do selfish and stupid things at times, but she was a good mother and I know she loved you more than anything in this world, as do I. Don't let this one foolish mistake she made tarnish her memory in your mind, my love. Don't let it ruin your love for her. Please."

"I know, Grandma," I sighed. "I know you're right. And I know that given my own past mistakes, I shouldn't look down on Mom for what she did, and I'll try not to. I just don't appreciate her putting Genovia, not to mention me, in this kind of position. I could try to fight to hold onto the crown now, and I know Nicholas, Sebastian, and most of Parliament would probably back me up, but because of her marriage to Nicholas, Roberta is now a politically powerful woman in her own right and I know she would fight to become Queen; that she would even release the truth of my paternity to the media if she had to. And if she did fight me and release that information to the Genovian press, it would divide our country. Some people would support me and some would support her, and I don't want our nation divided like that.

"When this whole mess started, sure, I told myself that I was doing what I genuinely believed was the right thing to do; that I was only trying to be fair by being honest with everybody about Mom's indiscretion and the truth of my paternity; that I was right to decide to step down since according to Genovian law, I don't have a valid claim to the throne. I also told myself that because Nicholas and Roberta are physically healthier and stronger than I am, they're naturally better suited to rule. But I think that way deep down, I decided to step down because a part of me truly doesn't want to be Queen anymore. Physically, it just takes so much out of me nowadays, and because it drains me of so much of my strength, I'm not really able to be there for Lionel and my girls the way I used to be. I mean, sure, I prayed about it, and I convinced myself that this was surely what the Lord would want, but I don't think I truly waited and listened for His response. I think I just went ahead with what I wanted to do and convinced myself that God and I were on the same page when we really weren't.

"It is true that I'll miss being able to have as big an impact on the Genovian people's lives through the laws I helped create in Parliament with Sebastian as Queen. I know that, thanks be to God, I've been able to make a real difference in Genovia these past nine years, the kind of difference I know I won't be able to make as a princess. And I hate it that I won't be able to do that for Genovia anymore; I hate it so much, but I won't lie. Because I'm so exhausted by my role as Queen all the time, part of me is actually very relieved to be stepping down. I'm just so worried about Genovia, and about everyone in the palace. I know that after I leave, Roberta's going to make everybody here miserable. She's already doing a pretty good job of it."

"Try not to worry so, little one. I know this entire situation is troubling, but I honestly don't believe it's a mistake for you to step down. Like I've already said, I do believe that because of his great love for Genovia, Nicholas will not allow his wife to do anything to harm our country. And I'm sure he'll have a few choice words to say to her about her recent behavior with the palace staff, and if she still wants her new royal position in a few weeks, she knows she'll have to listen to him since it's only through him that she'll be able to become Queen in the first place. Nicholas is the one with the greater power, here, and Roberta knows that. And you've done more than enough for Genovia already. It's time now for you to lay all your burdens as a ruler down and start taking better care of yourself. When your body tells you it's tired, you need to listen to it and stop pushing yourself so hard. Take it easy now, my dear. Relax. Spend more time with your husband and your daughters. Enjoy them. Let the Lord and Nicholas take care of Genovia now. Everything's going to be alright. I'm certain of it."

"Thanks for the encouragement, Grandma. I'll try not to worry as much."

Grandma hugged me then and told me, "That's my girl."

A couple of days later, December 15th to be more precise, I gave a speech to the art students of Pyrus University, just as I did on December 15th of every year, because that was the anniversary of my mother's death. Shortly after Mom first died on December 15, 2006, I set up a special scholarship fund in her name for all students majoring in some form of the arts in every college in Genovia to honor her memory, and ever since then, it had always been an expected tradition that I give the art students of one of Genovia's colleges or universities a speech about her every fifteenth of December. I did the very best I could to look and sound convincing, trying to pretend to be the loving daughter I was expected to be, but unfortunately, my heart simply wasn't in it. I tried to take Grandma's loving words of advice to heart and I tried not to feel too angry at her, but I just couldn't help it because I was still so worried about what Roberta's ascension to the throne would really mean for Genovia.

After my speech was over with that afternoon, I had to make a couple of diplomatic appearances at two other royal functions, and then Lionel, Joe, Shades, Charlotte, and I finally made it back to the palace. It was rather late when we returned, so it wasn't too long before we all went to bed. Lionel fell asleep pretty quickly, but while he was sleeping like a log, I was tossing and turning. At about midnight, I finally gave it up and went downstairs to the kitchen for my favorite midnight snack: a bowl of ice cream.

When I was about halfway done, I suddenly heard Joe call out, "That's not good for you, you know." He gave me a teasing smile then which I returned, and then he sat down at the counter next to me and asked me, "You wouldn't happen to be depressed, would you?" It was not uncommon for me to go downstairs to the kitchen in the middle of the night for a bowl of ice cream whenever I was really worried, really depressed, or both.

"Guilty as charged," I said just before I shamelessly shoved another huge spoonful of chocolate ice cream into my mouth.

"I understand, sweetheart. I know this day of the year is never very easy for you. For what it's worth, I think you did a wonderful job giving your speech at the university today."

"Thank you, Joe. I'm ashamed to have to admit this, but after everything that's been going on recently, my heart really wasn't in it."

"That's understandable. I know that these past several weeks have been tough."

"I hate being like this. I love my mom. I love her so much, and I don't want to be angry at her. I wish I didn't feel this way. But every time I think of what could happen to Genovia with Roberta on the throne, I get so furious, at both of us; at me for not following yours and Grandma's sound advice about keeping quiet about all this, and at Mom for what she did."

"You're just concerned for your country's well-being, like the true queen that you are."

"Oh, please. I am _not _true royalty at heart, Joe, and you know that just as much as I do. I learned how to do everything that's expected of me, yes, but inside, I'm still the ordinary, clumsy girl you first met fourteen years ago. Inside, I never truly became this special royal queen I was supposed to be; I stayed a regular person. I never completely fit into this life, at least not all the way."

"That's the real reason you're leaving the palace, isn't it? Because this life has never truly felt natural to you; because you want to go back to being a regular person, just like everybody else. You want to leave the palace now because you see this as your one and only chance to be the kind of person you truly feel you are inside, and you're taking it."

"I really did put some thought into this decision, Joe," I insisted, and it was true; I did. "And I really did believe at the time that Nicholas and Roberta ascending the throne in my place was what was best for Genovia, and I also truly felt that my leaving would help make the transition easier. But to be honest, you do have a point. Deep down, I also saw this as my one big chance to leave this role behind and to finally go back to being just a normal, everyday person – the person I truly feel I am inside. You're right. I did see this as my big chance to _finally _be able to stop pretending to be someone I'm not."

Papa put his hand on top of mine then and told me, "I have always believed in you, _mija_. You know that."

I smiled at him and responded, "Yes, I do. You've always been one of the very few constants in my life. You and my mother were pretty much the only two people who never stopped believing in me, even when I made my biggest mistakes. Even then, your love for me and your faith in me never changed. With all due respect to Grandma, not even she can say that."

"I know, and believe me, she deeply regrets that now. She knows how she used to stop believing in you the very instant you did something wrong in the past, and she's seen how much that has hurt you. I can promise you, she never, ever meant to do that. It's just that your grandmother has never been a very patient person, and back when you were younger, she failed to understand that her young granddaughter needed patience and understanding above all else.

"Your grandmother has a lot of regrets about the way she's handled things in your relationship when you were a young girl, and one of those regrets is all the pressure she put on you to accept your royal title, and while I do think she has a tendency to be too hard on herself at times, at least to a certain degree, I happen to agree with her. When you first became Princess of Genovia, I could see it that you were doing it out of a sense of duty and obligation; that you were doing it to please your grandmother, and out of respect for your father's memory; that you were never really doing it for yourself. Now don't get me wrong. Your motives were honorable, _very _honorable, and over these past nine years, you have become the greatest monarch our country has ever had; you've even surpassed your grandmother, which is an extraordinary achievement. But as long as you remain Queen solely out of a sense of obligation to your father and your grandmother, you'll be doing yourself an injustice, because _you _need to matter, too. I knew it all along that you never chose to become our Princess because it was truly the kind of life you wanted for yourself. I never said anything about it at the time because you were still very young, and I had so hoped that in time, you would change your mind."

"I convinced myself that despite the fact that I never really fit in with the rest of Genovian royal society very well, I could still be happy in this role. And for the record, I don't regret my decision to become Princess fourteen years ago, although I sometimes have moments of frustration where I _feel _like I do. I know that the Lord has used me to get a lot of good things done here in Genovia, and I'm very happy about that.

"But you are right when you say that I only became Princess out of a sense of duty and obligation to others and not for myself. I became Princess because Lilly got on my case about how selfish I would be not to accept my title and use my power to help others, and because of the letter I found from my father. After reading what he had to say, I so wanted to live up to the royal legacy he'd left behind for me. I was convinced for a long time that the conversation I had with Lilly and the letter I found from my father were both the Lord's ways of telling me that He wanted me to accept my title. Now that I think back, however, I'm not so sure. I don't know what would have been so terrible about me renouncing my title and staying an ordinary person and using my life as just a normal woman to reach out and help other people, _without _having to have every aspect of my life examined under a public microscope all the time and _without _me having to try to become a person I don't feel comfortable trying to become. I have made a few friends in royal society through the years, like Princess Asana for instance, who are down-to-earth-enough for me to identify with; who like me for me and accept me the way that I really am. But so many other nobles and royals just want to spend their lives surrounded only by other rich nobles and royals, going to fancy royal balls and parties all the time, acting like they're better than everybody else, and I'm much happier just spending the day with my family and all my friends here on the palace staff who _aren't _rich and royal. In my heart, I've never stopped being a middle-class person, I guess. Royal society simply isn't the kind of world I'm able to fit into. I do the job every day, and I've learned how to do it well, but at the end of the day, it simply isn't me. At the end of the day, I'm not a queen; I'm just a regular person."

"_Mija_, I know you were basically guilt-tripped by others into becoming Princess of Genovia, and that isn't right. You've told me what your father said to you in his letter, and I honestly don't believe he meant what he said as a means of trying to push you into becoming royal if you didn't want to; I think he only meant those words as fatherly advice to help you through the overall problems of life. On the other hand, while Lilly is a good person and a good friend, she has been a bit of a bully from time to time through the years, and she was wrong to try to bully you into accepting a way of life that you truly didn't want to live out for yourself. It was never wrong or selfish of you to want the simple, basic right to privacy that practically every other human being on this earth enjoys. Perhaps she was jealous because you had the option to become a princess and she didn't, but she wouldn't have felt that way if she could have genuinely understood back then what this kind of life would cost. As a teenager, I think she was simply too young and too immature at the time to really understand what the press was putting you through and why you were having understandable reservations about becoming a princess.

"And you're right; there are some wealthy, influential people in the world who are down to earth, like Princess Asana. But especially in Genovian royal society, the majority of them are nothing but adult spoiled brats who are clueless about life in the real world because they've always been sheltered from it. I realize that you can never fit in with people like that, but as a Genovian citizen myself, I must say that I'm _thrilled _to be able to say that about my Queen. I'm so happy that my Queen is a person _anyone _in this country can relate to regardless of their income or social status. My dear, as Queen, you've done something no other ruler in Genovian history has ever done before, not even Clarisse: you've left your royal ivory tower, and you've gotten down in the trenches with everyday Genovian men and women and you've rolled up your sleeves and gotten your hands dirty. _That's _the kind of ruler Genovia needs."

"You're talking about my volunteer work."

"Yes, and about everything you've done for Genovia as both Princess and Queen. In her time, Clarisse was a wonderful queen and I mean absolutely no disrespect to my dear wife when I say this, but you surpass her because you know how to identify with the average Genovian citizen in a way she never could. The life of privilege is the only life she's ever known, but that's not true for you. You had an after-school job before you became Princess, so you know what it's like to have to earn your own living. You were bullied and made fun of relentlessly in school, so you know how to identify with children in Genovia who are going through the same thing. You're also able to identify with abuse victims because of what happened to you when you were nine years-old. Because of all your painful experiences, you know how to personally identify with _all _people who are mistreated in any way. With all due respect to Clarisse, those are abilities that as a ruler, she simply never had because with the exception of Philippe's death, she's always led a pretty sheltered life. In your final days as our Princess, when you, Clarisse and I were riding in that carriage in the Genovian Independence Day Parade together, it wasn't Clarisse who noticed that little girl getting bullied and put a stop to it; _it was you_. And since then, you've sponsored so many support groups for bullied children; you've signed the Protection Act, the Elder Care Act, and the Lizzie Act into law; you even put your very life on the line to save the lives of the abused women and children staying in the Pyrus Women's Shelter. I know you don't _feel _like you're a queen at the end of the day, _mija_, but believe me; those are the things a true queen does. I know you're always comparing yourself to your grandmother, but please, _please _stop. You do _not _have to be Clarisse in order to be a queen, an _amazing _queen. It's okay that you're not always as graceful and poised as she is. It's okay that you're a middle-class type of person at heart. If more leaders in this world were like you, this world would be a much better place."

"Are you trying to tell me that I should try to remain on the throne?"

"My dear, I'm so sorry that you were guilt-tripped by others into accepting your royal title when you were a girl. I'm so sorry that you weren't able to come to a place where you could agree to become Princess of Genovia because it was the life you truly wanted to live out for yourself, as opposed to agreeing to the position just for the sake of your grandmother, your father, and your best friend. I understand your desire to want to erase your decision and go back to being a normal, everyday person like everybody else. But my love, as much as it pains me to tell you this, I have to tell you the truth: you cannot go back. I know you don't always feel you belong in this life and I know it's hard, but somehow, you're going to have to make your peace with it. Because you have been such an extraordinary ruler, I can promise you that even if you do hand your throne over to Nicholas and Roberta and move out of the palace next month, in the heart of every Genovian, you will always be their Queen. That is something that can never be undone.

"I know that there are very real problems that need to be worked out. I know how it hurt you when Claire thought because of the tabloids that you and Lionel were getting a divorce, and I also know that you've been pushing yourself far too hard these past few months. Shortly after you first came home from the hospital, you and Sebastian and Nicholas discussed it and decided that he would take over a great deal of your workload, but you really haven't allowed him to. I understand that you're not as strong as you used to be because of everything that's happened to you, and that the burdens of being a ruler take a much harder toll on you than they used to, but that is why you need to stick to your original agreement with Nicholas. But even with him taking over a lot of your workload, I am convinced that you remaining in power is what is best for Genovia. I think Nicholas would actually agree with me on that. I am also convinced that if you will just let the people around you help you more, _you can _stay on the throne and still be able to be there for Lionel, Claire, and Rosie. You simply have to accept the fact that you can't do as much as you used to be able to do, and that's okay. Just let us all help you. We're all on your team and in your corner, and you are not the Queen of Genovia all by yourself. We're all here to do it with you."

I knowingly smiled at Joe and said, "You know that Grandma would hit you in the head for trying to convince me to stay on the throne, right?"

Joe laughed and replied, "Yes, I do. She and I have had our share of disagreements about this. She knows how I feel and vice versa. I do understand her feelings wholeheartedly. I completely understand how worried she is about your health, and I don't blame her for wanting you to step down and start taking it easy. _I _want you to start taking it easy and start taking better care of yourself, too. I just don't believe Genovia has to lose its finest ruler ever in order for that to happen."

I let out a sigh then and said, "You're right about what you said about Lilly. She is my best friend and I love her to death, but you're right. In the past, she has been rather bullying occasionally, and I think she did bully me a little bit into accepting my royal title when I was teenager, although I know she never meant to. I think she was just frustrated with me because I was getting ready to turn down the power to make a difference in the world that she wanted so badly herself but didn't have. She had no way of really understanding what it's like to have your privacy taken away from you, or the kind of toll this life could actually take on a person. Ever since I was attacked, though, she's really changed. Like me, she's really grown up and matured an awful lot. She's actually told me quite a few times since the attack how she regretted making me feel bad about my desire not to be a royal, and how if she'd known then what she knew now, she would never have tried to talk me into it.

"You're also right about everything else you said. I chose to accept this life for the sake of others and not for myself. I made this decision because I was afraid that if I didn't, I would be a selfish person and I would be letting God, my grandmother, and my father down. Way deep down, I did it for all of them and not for me. I don't know if God ever meant for me to be Queen of Genovia or not, but I will admit that there have been times in my life when I have actually resented Him because of it; because this was never the life I truly wanted to live. You guys all understand now the real reason why it used to be so important to me to remain invisible; why I always wanted to live my life as far away from the spotlight as humanly possible. I don't know if I could have had as big an impact on the world for Jesus as an ordinary person or not, but I probably would have been happier, and I'd like to believe that my emotional well-being does matter to Him.

"All that being said, while it is extremely difficult for a more private, socially awkward person like me at times always having to be in the spotlight, as I told you earlier, I don't regret my decision. It wasn't the life I really wanted for myself in the beginning, and I don't think it was very healthy for me to make a decision of this magnitude out of guilt and just to make other people happy. But thankfully, the good Lord stepped in and helped me make a good, happy life for myself here. It has been hard, very hard, but there are a lot of really good things that have come out of all of this and despite everything, I am glad I'm here, where I'm surrounded by family and friends who really love me. And more than anything, I am so happy that God has used me these past nine years to make such a positive impact on Genovia. I'm thrilled to have been a part of something like this.

"I've been so conflicted here lately. On the one hand, I really have wanted to step down for several reasons. I didn't want to fight Nicholas and Roberta to stay on the throne and risk dividing the country, and I also wanted to be freed from the burdens of being a ruler so I'd have more strength and energy for Lionel and the girls. But ever since I realized how verbally and emotionally abusive Roberta is, the thought of her even being a queen consort scares me to death. _I do not _want an abuser on the Genovian throne. I don't want her having _any _kind of power in Genovia at all.

"This whole entire mess has made me realize just how much I really do love Genovia, and after talking to you tonight, I think you've helped me see that _I can _stay on the throne and still be there for my family. You're right; I simply have to accept more help from Nicholas and everybody else from now on. It won't be easy, but I know it can be done if we work together. Maybe I did become a princess fourteen years ago because others around me made me feel guilty about not accepting my title, but this time, I'm not making the choice to remain Queen of Genovia out of guilt or obligation to Dad or Grandma or Lilly or anyone. This time, I'm choosing to stay on the throne because it's what _I want _to do. I love my country, and I love making a difference in it as its Queen, and I love Genovia too much to just hand it over to an abusive person like Roberta. I'm going to fight to stay on the throne because I love Genovia and I want to protect Genovia. I believe this is the answer God's been trying to give me all along."

Joe gave me a great big hug in that moment and then he kissed my cheek and told me, "I am so proud of you. And for the record, I don't think you'll have much of a fight on your hands. Ever since everybody else here heard about your plans to leave, the entire palace has been in a state of mourning. _Nobody _wants to see you go, and I can promise you that Nicholas doesn't. He is _not _the person you're going to have to fight to stay on the throne. We've had a couple of discussions about it and he wants you to stay on the throne as much as the rest of us do."

"We could still be fighting an uphill battle, though, _especially _if Roberta decides to go public with the truth that Prince Philippe is not my biological father. I'll speak to Sebastian about the possibility of getting a new law quickly passed through Parliament that would allow me to remain on the throne as the legal daughter of Prince Philippe, but it could still cause quite a scandal for the family if Roberta tries to fight us."

"Well, it's like you said: we have to work together, and we will. We'll get through this."

"I know we will. Thanks for the talk, Papa," I said as I kissed his cheek.

"You're more than welcome. Sleep well tonight, _mija_," he said as he got up from his sleep.

"I'll try. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he said as he walked out of the kitchen. Then I finished my ice cream and went upstairs to bed myself.

I quietly snuck into my suite so I wouldn't wake Lionel, who was sound asleep in our bed. I sat down on my side of the bed and thought long and hard about my talk with Joe. It wasn't an easy choice to make. Both Grandma and Joe had made good arguments, but somehow, I just knew in my gut that Joe was right.

Just before I finally turned in for the night, once again, I struggled with feelings of anger towards my mother. The moment before I finally got under the covers next to Lionel and went to sleep, I said to myself, "Why did you do this to all of us, Mom? _Why?_"

* * *

It was December 14, 2006. Mom was actually planning on coming to Genovia with my stepfather, Patrick O'Connell, and their son, my baby half-brother, Trevor, for a few days to spend Christmas with me, which I was greatly looking forward to. It had been a long day as I'd had much to do because of the Christmas season, so I was pretty tired when I went to sleep that evening at about ten o'clock. And when Brigitte and Brigitta woke me up an hour and a half later, to put it mildly, I was _not _pleased.

"Ladies, what on earth is it?!" I snapped.

"It's your mother, Your Majesty. She's on the phone," Brigitte responded.

"We tried to tell her you were asleep, but she insisted on speaking with you," Brigitta explained.

I let out a groan in protest at first, but of course, I couldn't refuse to speak with my own mother, so in the next moment I said sleepily, "Tell her I'm coming."

I got out of bed then and stumbled over to my desk and sat down and picked up the phone. (Brigitte and Brigitta both knew how tired I was that night, so Brigitte immediately answered the phone in my suite for me the minute she'd heard it ringing, while I'd been dead to the world.)

"Hi, sweetheart," Mom's warm, loving voice came through on the other line as clearly as a bell. "I'm so sorry to wake you. Brigitte told me you were sleeping."

"That's alright, Mom. What is it? Is something wrong? It's not Trevor, is it?"

"Oh, no. No, he's fine. He's just fine, and so is Patrick. Darling, I realize that this may seem incredibly silly, but…well…I just kept getting this overwhelming feeling today that I should call you and tell you what's in my heart. I just want you to know…that from the second you were born, you have been nothing but joy to me, pure joy. You have always been such a wonderful daughter, and I am so proud of you. I just…really need you to know that I love you more than anything, and that I always have and always will."

Hearing her say those things really made my previous frustration and annoyance disappear. I may not have been thrilled about getting awakened from my sleep that night, but hearing her loving words made it more than worth it.

"Thank you, Mom," I told her with a smile. "You're a wonderful mom, too. All these years, I really don't know what I would have done without you. You know, they always say that parents can never be their children's friends; that you have to choose to either be your kid's friend or parent; that it always has to be either/or, never both. But my whole life, you've proven that idea wrong. You've never been just a parent who put a roof over my head and clothes on my back and food in my stomach, and you've never just been an authority figure I had to respect. You've always been this totally awesome friend who constantly took the time to try to relate to me and to my problems and what I was going through. No matter what was going on in my life, I always knew I could trust you and turn to you and that you would be there for me without being judgmental or criticizing me; that you would always try to understand where I was coming from. I'd like to believe that I'm that kind of friend to other people myself and if I am, I know it's all because of you."

"Thank you, baby. Thank you so much. Mia, I truly hate to bring this up, but as a mother, there's something I need to know; that I've needed to know for many years. Mia…sweetheart…what happened to you that night when you were nine years-old? What _really _happened?"

The moment those words left her lips, my stomach constricted. "Mom, why are you doing this?" I asked her. "Why are you bringing this up now?"

"Because you're my little girl and I know you. _I know you, baby. _I know you better than anyone else in this world, and I know, I've _always _known, that that monster did something terrible to you that night that you've never been able to talk about. I've tried so hard, so many times through the years to try to get you to open up about it and let me help you, but you've always shut me out. I don't want you to shut me out anymore, baby. I want you to let me in to this painful place inside your heart and let me help you ease the pain that I know you secretly carry. I want you to let me carry it with you the way a mother should. Please."

I thought long and hard before I answered her. What she said was very true. _She did _know me better than anybody else in the world. She'd always understood me in ways not even Lilly or Joe could. She was the only other person on earth who'd had the tiniest fraction of an idea of what I'd been through that horrific night. Mom had been quite right in what she'd just said; _she had _tried, _countless_ times, to get me to open up about it. She'd even taken me to a couple of professional counselors over the years, and not even they could get me to open up, and for a very good reason. I'd made up my mind that night that no matter what, I was never, _ever _going to tell Mom about it because I knew Mom as well as she knew me, and I knew better than anyone just how badly the truth would devastate her inside if I ever told her about it, and I utterly refused to hurt her that way.

Finally, I told her, "Mom, if you really love me, then you'll let it go. I put that part of my life behind me a long time ago and I moved on, and the last thing I need is for you to start digging it all up again. I need to move on and keep the past where it belongs: in the past. Okay?"

After a long pause, she asked, "Do you really believe it'll be more painful for you to talk about it now rather than keeping it all inside?"

"Yes," I replied without hesitation, "I do." In truth, it was painful and lonely to carry it all by myself and a big part of me really did want to open up to her, but I knew I couldn't hurt Mom like that.

"Alright then sweetie, I'll tell you what. One day, when you feel ready–"

"You'll be the first person I talk to about it," I assured her, although it was a lie.

"Good. In the meantime, I want to ask you, how's it all going over there in Genovia? And please don't give me the standard polite answer. Don't just tell me everything is 'fine' or 'good.' Tell me the truth. How are you _really _doing? How are you _really _adjusting to your new life as Queen of Genovia?"

"Well enough. I'm trying to get the hang of it all as best I can. It's just that…a lot of the time, I tend to be a slow learner. I always feel like it takes me a lot longer than it takes everybody else in the world to catch on to new things. Maybe it's because I'm such a klutz; who knows? And being the ruler of a country, you can't afford to be a slow learner. You _always _have to know what you're doing. You're not allowed a learning curve, and I've always been the kind of person who needs a learning curve. Mercifully, I haven't made any major mistakes, and thanks to Sebastian, I really seem to be catching on to things in Parliament, but it's still tough. So many people that I meet here seem to have this attitude against me or something. I can feel it how much they look down on me, especially if I have a clumsy moment in front of them, which I tend to have quite often. It's hard being the only royal around here with a middle-class background. So much of the time, I find myself thinking, 'If only I were Clarisse Renaldi.'"

"Don't ever say that, my love. You do not have to be your grandmother in order to be an incredible Queen of Genovia, which you will be; I know it. It's okay that you're different from everybody else there."

"You mean socially inept and clumsy," I teased.

"Okay, so you don't always get the little things right. So you trip and fall sometimes. So you stir your tea a little loudly during high tea. None of those things really matter in the end, and those people who think it does are just being silly."

"Well anyway, thanks for the never-ending vote of confidence, Mom. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Back at you, baby girl. I love you."

I smiled then and said, "I love you too, Mom."

Those were the last words we ever spoke to each other. At half past three the following afternoon, which was six-thirty in the morning San Francisco time, my stepfather woke up and realized that my mother had died in her sleep the night before. An autopsy later showed that she'd died of an aneurysm that had suddenly burst and caused massive bleeding in her brain.

* * *

Suddenly, I jerked up into a sitting position in bed, fighting off tears.

"Oh God," I gasped as I began to realize that I'd just had a dream. Lionel was still sound asleep next to me as I got up out of bed. I then walked into the living area of my suite where my desk was and turned on the small desk lamp, and I picked up the picture of my mother that was sitting on it. In those moments, while I was staring into the picture of the face of the woman who'd loved me more than anyone else on earth, I began to realize that no matter what she had done in the past, and no matter what I might have been going through in the present because of it, I couldn't forget how very much she'd always loved me, and I just couldn't stay angry at her any longer.

"I'm sorry I stayed mad at you for so long, Mom," I whispered. "I'm really sorry. No matter what you did, I'll always love you."

After a fitful night's sleep, later on that day, Joe asked to meet with Lionel, Grandma, and me in my office and he let us know that it was something that was quite urgent.

"Ladies, I have something here that the two of you must see," Joe told Grandma and me as he handed us a piece of paper.

"Joseph, what is this?" asked Grandma.

"These are your DNA test results, _the real _test results," Joe explained.

"Oh wow, Grandma. Look at this. According to _these _test results, our DNA is a twenty-five percent match. But…I don't understand."

"Neither do I. Dr. Adams told us that we weren't biologically related to one another at all."

"Dr. Adams was given false test results. I just had a long conversation with the lab technician who ran the tests on you two and according to him, Nicholas's wife told him that both he and his family would be harmed if he gave Dr. Adams the real test results. He wasn't going to say anything at first, but after seeing how devastated everybody's been over your previous decision to step down, his conscience got the better of him. After I promised to protect him and his family, he told me the truth and showed me the real results."

"Unbelievable," said Lionel.

"But what about those letters between Mom and Dad?"

"With your permission, my dear, I'd like to have them examined by professionals. I'd be willing to bet that those letters were faked and planted by Lady Devereaux for you to find. After all, she was the person who put the idea in your head for you to dig out your parents' old letters and read them in the first place."

"This is true," Grandma agreed. "I am amazed, though, that even after all the new security precautions we've put in place since Mia was first attacked, someone _still _managed to get in here and do something like this."

"I think it's all a part of being a ruler, Grandma," I told her. "No matter how many security precautions there are, I think rulers will always have their opponents out there, plotting and scheming to try and take their position away from them."

"Ain't that the truth," Joe agreed. And he also agreed with me about something else: that we should find out the truth about the letters as soon as possible, which he did. Sure enough, it turned out that the letters in question, while they looked incredibly similar to my parents' handwriting, were in fact _not _written by my parents at all.

When the truth came out, everybody was very happy about it, except, of course, one person. Once Lady Devereaux discovered that Joe was having the letters examined by professionals and she realized that we were on to her, she snuck away from the palace and tried to leave Genovia. However, she was caught and arrested before she was able to get out of the country. Since she never did anything as serious as making an attempt on my life as Viscount Mabrey and Dennis Knight and his accomplices did, she wasn't in danger of receiving the death penalty, but it was obvious that she'd be behind bars for a pretty long time for her treasonous crimes against the crown.

As for Nicholas, it wasn't long before he heard from Roberta's lawyers. Since it was quite clear that she'd never have a shot at the throne now, she was apparently no longer the least bit interested in remaining married to him. Much to his own relief, their marriage was quickly annulled.

"I am sorry about it all, Nicholas," I told him in my office several weeks later at the end of January. It was the first chance we'd had in both our busy schedules to really sit down and talk about it as friends.

"Don't be. I'm not. I'm just grateful that this whole nightmare is finally over. I thought for a while that it would never end."

"If you don't mind my asking, why on earth did you rush so quickly into marrying her in the first place?"

Nicholas was silent for a long moment before finally saying to me, "I did it because there's this incredibly special lady in my past I used to date, who has long since moved on with her life, gotten married to a great guy, had kids with him, the works, and I happen to still be in love with her. And I guess I was hoping that if I got married myself, it would be enough to help me finally get over her."

I didn't know what to make of that. I didn't know for sure if he was talking about another old girlfriend of his, or if he was actually talking about me. To say the least, it was a pretty awkward moment for me. Finally, I told him, "Nicholas, love is one of those things you just can't rush. Jumping into getting married won't make you forget about the person you loved before. That's not how it works. Just hang in there, and remember that when the time is right – when _God _says the time is right – you will find that special someone. There is a special lady out there for you and you will find her someday. I'm sure of it."

Nicholas gave me a sad smile then and said, "Thanks for trying to encourage me. Maybe I'm meant to fall in love again someday and maybe I'm not, but until then, I think I'm just going to become a hopeless workaholic and immerse myself in my work."

I returned the smile and said, "Well you know, sometimes work can be therapeutic, so as your Queen, I say we stop thinking about Roberta and all the drama she caused us and get back to the business of taking care of our country."

"You got it, Your Majesty," Nicholas responded, and then we both walked to one of the conference rooms of the palace to meet with Sebastian and several members of Parliament and do exactly that – take care of the country we all loved so dearly.


	17. Learning the Truth

**Note to readers: **Some of the subject matter in the following chapter deals with disturbing acts of violence and may be triggering for abuse survivors and survivors of trauma. As a matter of fact, if I could give individual chapters a rating, I'd rate this chapter "M." **PLEASE **consider carefully before reading. Thank you.

**Chapter Seventeen**

_Clarisse_

It was on the third of April that my son Pierre and my dear friend Charlotte Kutaway, who'd been like a daughter to me for many years, had their wedding, which had been held on the palace grounds and performed by the pastor of Sebastian's church. When Pierre had come to me three weeks earlier and told me that he was planning to ask Charlotte to marry him, I had been a little surprised, but not much. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have approved of one of my sons getting married to a woman he'd only been dating for five months, but with Pierre and Charlotte, it was different. Charlotte had first come to work for me twenty-three years ago at the tender age of nineteen, and as a mother, I couldn't help but notice how her relationship with my son grew and changed over the past two decades. With Pierre being thirteen years older than Charlotte, at first, she'd been much like a little sister to him, but as she grew up from a teenage girl into a fully mature woman over the years, I watched as my son struggled with his growing feelings of love for her. I understood that Pierre didn't choose to leave the priesthood solely because of his feelings for Charlotte, but as it had been with Joseph and me, everyone in the palace understood that silently, they really loved each other and had for many years. It was for that reason that I was more than happy to give them my blessings.

There were other changes that were going to be happening for the happy couple in addition to their marriage. Because Charlotte wanted very much to keep her job on the palace staff as Mia's personal assistant, much to my delight, Pierre decided that he would be moving back into the palace, and that he would be working with her on our staff as well as our chaplain and psychologist, in addition to the Bible study sessions he would still be giving. And as a member of the Royal Family, he would also be available from now on to make the necessary diplomatic appearances at various functions in Mia's place whenever she wasn't up to it, which would be a big help as well. As for Charlotte, even though she was keeping her job, her situation was quite similar to Lionel's when he first married Mia. Despite the fact that Pierre officially renounced his title as the Crown Prince of Genovia many years ago, he still had the title of the Duke of Libbet, so just as Lionel was made a duke when he married Mia, Charlotte was now officially becoming a member of the Genovian Royal Family and receiving the title of the Duchess of Libbet, as well as sharing the numerous other titles Pierre held. And just like Lionel, she would now also require extra security because of her new high profile position.

And as was fitting, at the end of their reception at the palace, Pierre beamed at his new bride, and we all held up our champagne glasses and he toasted her, saying, "To Her Grace, the Duchess of Libbet."

Then we all responded with a hearty, "Her Grace!"

Shortly after that, once all the hours of celebration and dancing were over, Pierre changed out of his tuxedo and Charlotte out of her beautiful wedding gown into more sensible clothing for travel, and they said their goodbyes and left for their honeymoon in Paris. Once they had left, I couldn't help but notice how exhausted Mia was, so I had her go on up to bed with Lionel while I stayed behind and helped with the rest of the guests until they all finally left.

Ever since the whole DNA testing scandal caused by the former Lady Devereaux was cleared up, Mia finally stopped pushing herself so hard and started allowing Nicholas, Sebastian, and the rest of her staff to help her out a lot more, which I was very happy to see. Even with all the help, however, Mia was still the ruler of our country and as such, she still carried heavy burdens. She did do a good deal of work still, but as the months passed, I could see it that her royal position was taking a greater and greater toll on her. I now knew my little granddaughter very well and I had seen it for quite some time that when it came to her health, there were things she simply wasn't telling me. All year long, I knew that she had lost a lot of strength and energy, but things really became much worse for her within the following weeks and months after Pierre and Charlotte got married. I tried to get Mia to tell me what was really going on to no avail, but I learned of one of her secrets about her health by accident.

It was the twelfth of July, and up until that afternoon, anyway, I had been in rather high spirits along with everyone else in the palace because Brigitta's baby, a little girl she and her husband had named Bethany, had been born early that morning. Two days before on the tenth, Brigitte and her husband had had a little boy they'd named Seth, and we were all equally thrilled at the news. Whenever there was a wedding or a birth for someone on our staff, it was always a happy time for everybody. Brigitte and Brigitta may have been servants, but I'd always had a lot of affection in my heart for them because they'd consistently gone out of their way over the years to take good care of Mia, particularly since she was attacked, and it was obvious that Mia really loved them and vice versa, so I was especially happy for them and their husbands when I learned of the births. However, as I was walking past one of the conference rooms that day, I accidentally overheard a private discussion between Sebastian and Nicholas, and my feelings soon changed.

"Sebastian, I haven't seen much of Her Majesty these days. How has she been doing lately?"

"Oh, she's hanging in there. You know our Queen. She may be sweet and sensitive, but she's also pretty tough. She has lost some strength, but she'll be alright. She's a fighter."

"That's actually precisely why I asked about her. You know Her Majesty. She doesn't miss out on Parliament sessions or any kind of meetings within our government if she can possibly help it." Nicholas let out a chuckle then and said, "I was just thinking the other day about how different our Queen is from the American president. Do you remember back in December when that ridiculous story aired about how Obama was escorted to the hospital and had thousands of dollars of tests run on his sore throat and it ended up being acid reflux?"

Sebastian laughed then and said, "Yeah, I do remember that. What an overgrown baby! Obama made a big fuss and had this big police escort to the hospital and had thousands of dollars of tests run when all he needed to do was grow up and take a Rolaids. But I remember how Queen Mia, on the other hand, was in the middle of a meeting with us working on legislation for the Elder Care Act last September when all of the sudden, she grabbed her chest and doubled over in pain because her internal defibrillator had fired. She wouldn't even end our meeting early to go and see Dr. Adams about it. She insisted that we finish our work first, and then I remember that you had to personally escort her to the doctor's office just to make sure she actually _would _go and get examined in the first place. She even swore us both to secrecy about it afterwards. To this day, I don't believe she's ever even breathed a word of it to her own husband and family because she doesn't want to worry them."

"With all due respect to Her Majesty, sometimes she really can be too stubborn for her own good. I'm glad she's not being stubborn anymore when it comes to her health. I do miss seeing her and working with her, but if she needs to stop and take it easy now, then I'm glad she's finally doing that."

After Nicholas said that, I stopped listening and left for a stroll through the palace garden, where I was soon joined by Joseph.

"Hello, my darling," he said after greeting me with a kiss. "You seem upset. Is something wrong?"

"Yes, something's very wrong. I just overheard Nicholas and Sebastian talking about how Mia's defibrillator went off last September. She never said a word about it to me. Did she ever say anything to you?"

"No, but I've known for quite some time now."

"Did she tell you?"

"She didn't say a word. I found out about it the same way you did. I overheard her talking to Lionel about it a few months ago."

"I don't understand. Why didn't she say anything? Why didn't _you _say anything once you knew?"

"What would have been the point, Clarisse? It only would've upset you, and besides, it's not as if there was anything you could have done."

"I could have let her know that keeping the truth from me about her health is unacceptable," I protested.

"My dear Clarisse, you have to understand that Mia's not a little girl anymore. She's a grown woman now."

"She's _our _little girl, Joseph."

"Of course she is and she always will be, but you do have to remember that she's not Claire's or Rosie's age. She's an adult now, and it's her decision as to which events of her personal life she wants to share with us and which ones she doesn't, and whether we like it or not, you and I have got to respect that."

"Don't you think that whenever there's a problem with her health, and with her heart in particular, that we have a right to know?"

"Absolutely, but it's still up to her if she wants to tell us or not. I don't like it any more than you do when Mia keeps things like this from us. I remember how furious I was with Lionel for keeping the news of Mia's pregnancy from the rest of us when she first got pregnant with Rosie. I was so angry with him for not telling us and allowing Mia to carry the burden of a high-risk pregnancy with support from no one except Lionel. I always want Mia to come to us and tell us about it when something's going on with her health, but after all these years, I think I've finally realized that that's just not her way. Maybe we do want Mia to come to us and tell us about it every time she has a problem, health-related or otherwise, but we do also have to take into consideration what _Mia _wants. I think she keeps as many health-related issues to herself as she can because it gives her a sense of comfort to think that she's protecting us. And if it makes Mia feel better; if it gives her comfort to think that she's protecting us from worrying, perhaps we shouldn't try and take that comfort away from her."

"You know Joseph, when it comes to matters of the heart, you are the wisest man I've ever known. It's one of the things I've always loved and valued about you the most. But this time around, as both a mother and a grandmother, I must say that I do believe you're wrong. It gave Mia 'a sense of comfort' to think that she was protecting Helen and me from the horrific truth of what happened to her when she was nine years-old, but it wasn't right that she had to go through all those years of emotional agony alone. And now, it's not right for her to go through her health problems alone either."

"My dear," Joseph said kindly as he caressed my cheek, and then he kissed me and pulled me into his arms and gave me the warmest hug. While I was in Joseph's arms, I couldn't help but think back to the time when I finally learned the full truth about everything Mia had been through. It was then that our relationship changed forever.

* * *

It was summer seven years ago, about four months after Mia finally came home from her long hospitalization. Since then, she and her friends had had mine and Joseph's beach house built, or "Love Shack" as Mia liked to call it, and she'd also been re-hospitalized briefly with a bout of pneumonia, which she had recovered from. There were also rumors circulating amongst the palace staff that Mia's relationship with Lionel now went beyond simple friendship, and while I certainly didn't believe every rumor I heard, I knew that those particular rumors were likely true. I couldn't help but notice the joy that lit Mia's eyes the moment Lionel walked into same room and vice versa. As a former queen myself, though, I also completely understood their desire for privacy, so Joseph and I both agreed that until they felt ready to bring their relationship out in the open, we would say nothing and continue to look the other way.

However, there were some things that I simply couldn't look the other way about. Ever since Joseph resumed his former position as Royal Head of Security, he'd done an exemplary job of cleaning house. All security guards who'd been paid off by Mabrey to say or do nothing about it when they saw Mia sneaking out of her window three nights a week to go to work at the Pyrus Women's Shelter had been long since fired and imprisoned for committing treason, and there were definitely no more chess games allowed on the night shift. A lot of the security staff had been replaced by older, more experienced guards, all of whom were fathers of at least one daughter. They'd all been hand-picked by Joseph himself to join our staff, and he let them know right from the very beginning that if they wanted their positions, they had to think of Mia not only as their Queen, but also as one of their daughters. Palace security was tighter now than it had ever been, which was why when Mia had tried to sneak away with Lionel one summer night to go back to her volunteer work, she hadn't succeeded, and she was absolutely furious that she hadn't. Joseph soon asked me to have a word with Mia about it, and naturally, I agreed. Neither I nor the rest of us had been paying attention to what was going on with Mia before. It was a mistake I wasn't about to make again. I was _not _going to look the other way about this.

Mia had been in meetings all day long the next day, so it wasn't until later that evening when I finally got a chance to speak to her about it. And when I did go to her suite to discuss the issue, she was thoroughly livid, and that was putting it mildly.

"I'm the reigning queen of a country for heaven's sake!" she raged. "You would think I'd have _some _rights! You would think that maybe, _just maybe_, I would have the right to come and go as I please every now and then without being escorted by a bunch of guards! What am I?! A criminal?! A prisoner?!"

"Darling, I understand that you're upset, but please try to calm down for just a moment and look at this from our perspective. Of course you're not a criminal or a prisoner, but unfortunately, being royal does mean that you have to sacrifice certain freedoms. I know how frustrating it can feel to never be able to simply come and go as you please on your own the way you used to be able to. I went through the same thing myself after I first moved into the palace. It took me years but eventually, I made my peace with it and you will too. No one is trying to make you feel like you're imprisoned. We're simply trying to protect you. You almost _died_, Mia. We simply cannot afford to make the same mistake again. Nothing is more important than keeping you safe." That earned me a sigh of frustration from Mia as she angrily paced back and forth, but I pressed on.

"And while we're on the subject of that women's shelter," I continued, "I want it understood that from now on, you are officially done with that place."

"_What?!_" Mia irately cried out.

"You heard me," I responded calmly but firmly. "I understand that helping abused women and children is a cause that's very important to you and I respect that, but there are other ways to help them."

"You mean that you basically want me to just stay behind these palace walls, locked up in my ivory tower; that you want me to stop getting personally involved in the lives of the women and children there; that you only want me to think about them at the times I host a royal charity dinner for places like the Pyrus Women's Shelter and donate money to them."

"Mia, there's nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with using your royal position to host dinners and do other things to raise public awareness of the needs of places like these, and there's certainly nothing wrong with financially contributing. That's every bit as important as the volunteer work you used to do."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe the work I do there is something I do for me just as much as I do it for the women and children? And besides, I have personally seen firsthand just how difficult it is for people like Sarah to run places like these. They're always horribly understaffed. I know volunteerism for the Pyrus Women's Shelter has increased since I was attacked but once all the media fuss over me dies down it'll probably wear off, and if and when it does, Sarah and all my other friends there will need all the help they can get. I won't abandon them.

"And with all due respect to you and Joe, I am _not _the fifteen-year-old the two of you first met several years ago. I am a grown woman now, and it is no longer your place to give me orders about where I can go and where I can't or what I can do and what I can't. This is something that's very private for me, and for my own personal reasons, it's something that I have got to continue doing. If I were still fifteen years-old today and I didn't have any parents and you were my legal guardian, then yes, I would need your permission to continue my work there, but the cold hard fact is, that is not the case. This is not your decision to make; it's mine, and I've made it. Joe can try to stop me as much as he wants, but whether he likes it or not, as Queen, I officially outrank him. Now it's quite obvious that you and I are never going to see eye-to-eye about this, so again, with all due respect, I suggest that you accept my decision and agree to disagree with me about it and move on."

Well to say the least, I was quite shocked, but as I looked into her fiercely strong, determined eyes, I could tell that she meant every word of what she'd just said and that she was not about to back down. It was truly the very first time in our relationship that Mia had ever_ dared_ to stand up to me about anything. Even though Joseph and I had certainly had our share of arguments and disagreements in the past like all couples do, not even _he _would have dared to defy me the way Mia just did. As I stared at my now powerfully strong granddaughter, standing before me with her arms folded, determined not to be intimidated by me, I began to realize that she was right about at least _one _thing she'd said: she was _not _the same shy, insecure fifteen-year-old girl I'd first met years ago. The person who was standing before me now was not a frightened little girl lacking confidence. This was a mature woman who had faced and battled her demons and triumphed; someone who now _knew _she was worthy of people's respect – including mine.

As the old saying goes, hindsight is twenty-twenty. Of course I realize it today that Mia was right about not just _one _thing, but _everything _she'd said to me that evening. I may have been her grandmother, but it was still not my place to try to order her to stop her volunteer work. Mia wasn't a child any longer and she _did _have the right to make that decision for herself. It was her private life we were talking about and grandmother or not, Mia's personal decisions about her own private life were no one else's business, not even mine. Unfortunately though, I couldn't see that then, and I certainly couldn't even have _begun _to understand the _real _reason why Mia was so determined to fight me on it. I was too upset inside to stay calm and look at things rationally, and I was certainly wasn't rational enough to try to understand things from Mia's perspective. It honestly never dawned on me to try to understand exactly _why _this was so very important to her in the first place. All I could think was that for the sake of my granddaughter's health and safety, this was a battle between us that I _had _to win.

All my life, I'd been quite sheltered and spoiled by my parents. While I do believe I've always been a loving and caring person, let's just say that I'd also always been a person who was very used to getting her own way. My parents had almost never said no to me about anything I'd ever wanted, and especially after I became Queen, no one had ever _dared _to argue with me about it when I wanted something or when I gave an order. As a matter of fact, I'd attempted to order Mia to give up her volunteer work simply out of a course of habit. That's what kings and queens did in my day: they gave orders and they expected those orders to be followed without the slightest hesitation. Furthermore, ever since Mia had almost died, I had been absolutely terrified of losing her like I'd lost Philippe.

So naturally, when Mia had let me know in no uncertain terms that she _did _intend on continuing in her work – her potentially _very dangerous work _– at the Pyrus Women's Shelter, I did not respond the way Mia needed me to. I wasn't the calm, patient, understanding grandmother she'd needed me to be. I didn't try to help her to open up to me about why her volunteer work was so incredibly important to her. I didn't even _try _to understand where she was coming from. Instead, I simply reverted back to Queen Mode. In my mind, once again, _I _was the reigning Queen of Genovia, not Mia, and I was _not about _to allow her to challenge me or my authority. All I could think in those moments was that my baby girl I loved so dearly was planning on putting herself in danger again and that I had to use every ounce of my authority as a queen and as a grandmother to put a stop to it, and I completely disregarded the fact that that was authority I no longer had. Since it seemed Mia was determined to do something that obviously put her safety at risk, all I could think in those moments of internal turmoil and panic was that I had to fight back. Sadly, in doing so, I ended up saying things that I would later regret.

"Young lady, I brought your father into this world. I raised him. I helped him to become a prince, and I helped _you _to become both a princess _and _a queen. Everything, _everything _you have today is because of _me_. Without me, you wouldn't even exist at all, so I _will not _be lectured by you about what is and what is not my place," I told her with icy coldness. "With the kind of debt you owe to me, I have every right to give you as many orders as I please! If _anybody _needs to remember her place around here, it's not me; _it's you_. And whether _you _like it or not, you will _never again _set foot inside that shelter! Is that clear?"

There had always been several uncomfortable, unspoken truths about our relationship over the years and one of those truths was the fact that due to my all years of experience being royalty and due to Mia's former lack of confidence and inexperience, I had been quite intimidating to her. It was one of those things that I'd never really even thought about consciously until Joseph had made me aware of it months before when Mia was still in the hospital and I'd upset her when we'd found her hiding in the closet. Until then, I'd only been aware of it on a subconscious level. My now conscious awareness of it, combined with the fact that the tiniest mention of my authority had always been more than enough to put other people in their place in years past, had made me arrogantly believe that my tough response would also be more than enough to make Mia give in to me and back down. In those long seconds that followed as I awaited her response, I had honestly been expecting her to be intimidated by my show of authority and to perhaps even apologize to me. In short, I'd expected her to crumble. What happened instead was one of the greatest shocks of my life. Not only did Mia now have the inner-strength and confidence to keep from crumbling against what I had believed was an ironclad argument and every parents' and grandparents' trump card in a fight with their child or grandchild; _she fought back_.

"Grandma, I have tried to disagree with you as respectfully as humanly possible, but once again, with all due respect, if you honestly believe that my being descended from you gives you the right to turn me into some kind of subhuman object you can control with orders all the time, you're sadly mistaken. Jesus once said that God could raise up descendants of Abraham from rocks, so if He can create a human being out of a rock, then with all due respect to you and Dad, that means that He honestly never needed either one of you to bring me into this world. The bottom line is, if God had wanted me here badly enough, He would have gotten me here one way or another, with or without you. The kind of debt you're speaking of is a debt I owe to God, not you.

"As for your helping me to become a princess and then later a queen, did you ever stop to think that instead of it being something you did for me, it was really something _I _did for _you?_ Do you honestly believe that I ever wanted any of this? Do you _really_ believe that I wanted to completely lose every possible moment of privacy throughout my entire life? To have my every word and action _constantly _scrutinized by the whole palace staff and the press? To have practically the entire country sticking its nose into my personal business every second of every day? To be looked down on by so many other royals and nobles because I was a middle-class American for the first sixteen years of my life? To be very nearly forced into getting married to a man I wasn't in love with? Did you ever stop to think that being royal is _not _that much of a gift? Sure, you've given me a fancy palace to live in and some incredible material possessions, but sometimes I think I'd give it all away in a heartbeat if I could merely leave the palace and take a simple walk by myself for a little while like any other human being. No, this wasn't a gift you gave to me. It was a sacrifice _I _made for _you _out of the goodness of my heart, because I loved you and Dad and I wanted to make the two of you happy, and because I didn't want Genovia to be ruled by the von Trokens.

"And anyway, as I was saying, my being descended from you does _not _take away my basic rights as a human being. I'm not a dog, like you seem to think I am. It may be necessary for parents to have control over their children when they're young because they're too immature to be able to live independently, but when a parent or a grandparent tries to exert that level of control over a child or a grandchild once she's grown, it stops being nurturing and it becomes something ugly and dehumanizing, and as much as you know I love and respect you, _I won't _allow you to treat me that way. Is _that _clear?"

To put it mildly, I was stunned. I certainly hadn't been expecting _that!_ It was true, of course, that we'd had arguments before in the past and in those times, she hadn't been afraid to disagree with me and let me know it, but it had always been silently understood between us that since I was the Queen and her grandmother, _I _held the final authority and, well, the "trump card," and that had always intimidated her before. Now, she had just successfully – and brilliantly – overridden my trump card. However, this wasn't about trump cards. I was in a desperate fight to try and keep my little girl protected, and unfortunately, I was going about it the wrong way. I'd been Queen of Genovia for most of my life and therefore, the majority of my life had revolved around the position of authority I held over others. It was the way I was automatically used to thinking. I had believed that I was going to be able to get this idea of doing volunteer work in person out of Mia's head by simply laying down the law with her. But when I saw the same fire in her eyes that I knew had been in my own numerous times over the years whenever I'd set my mind to something, I realized that no matter how hard I pushed her, she simply wasn't going to budge no matter what I said or how much we argued. We had hit a total stalemate, and it wasn't going to go away.

Not knowing what else to do, I simply walked out of Mia's suite, dumbfounded. A few moments later, I met up with Joseph in our suite and I told him everything.

"I just don't know what to do about her, Joseph," I complained. "No matter how hard I try to tell her that her former behavior is not acceptable, she just won't listen. She is _determined _to go back there."

"Well Clarisse, she _does _have a point. Parents and grandparents do have the authority to tell their children and grandchildren what to do when they're little kids and teenagers because of their lack of maturity, but once they're fully grown, mature adults, it does become dehumanizing to try to exert control over their lives. She's twenty-four years-old now and I don't think it's our place or really _anyone's _place to try to tell her that her volunteer work is 'unacceptable behavior.'

"I don't want Mia putting her safety at risk by going back there any more than you do, but I think you're going about this all wrong. Nobody likes to be ordered around, and this is obviously something that's far too important to Mia for her to give up just because you said so. I do understand why you're trying to stop her from doing this; I understand completely and I feel the same way. I want to keep her safe and protected just as much as you do, but being the authoritarian Queen is not going to work in this situation. It's only going to make Mia feel more at odds with you, and if you make her feel that way, she's only going to want to fight you that much harder. You know what it says in the book of Proverbs, right? 'A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.' Now's not the time to be a harsh authoritarian. Now's the time to be gentle and understanding. If you want to get to the bottom of this issue with Mia and understand why this is so important to her, it'll make it a lot easier for her to open up to you if you're gentle in your approach. Maybe after she opens up to you about her reasons for volunteering there, you'll be able to talk her out of it, and if not, then perhaps you, Shades, Lionel, and I can sit down together with Mia and work out some sort of compromise."

As always, Joseph was the wise voice of reason, helping me to calm down and look at things from a more rational perspective.

"Oh, Joseph," I sighed as I sank down onto the couch. "I've gone and made a real mess out of things with Mia again, haven't I?"

"It's not that big of a mess, Clarisse, my dear," Joseph reassured me. "As our Queen for so many years, you've naturally become very used to being in control. It's understandable that when you feel worried about a potential threat to one of the people you love the most, you'd automatically want to do everything in your power to take control of the situation and eliminate the threat. That's what you're used to doing. As a ruler, it's what you've done your entire life. But my love, you have to remember that _Mia _is the Queen now, not you. You also have to remember that she's no longer fifteen years-old. She _is _right when she says that this is her decision to make, whether we like what that decision is or not. But I'm sure that if you just talk to Mia about this calmly and rationally and help her to understand your point of view, she'll help you to understand hers, and then we can go from there and get this thing worked out."

I stood up then and gave Joseph a kiss and told him simply, "Thank you, darling."

"Of course," he responded, and then I left and went back into Mia's suite. And as usual, Joseph was right. Once I calmed down enough to explain my feelings to Mia, she calmed down as well. I let her know that I absolutely did _not _see her as some kind of subhuman object I had the right to control; that as Joseph had said, I was simply trying to take control of what I had perceived to be a dangerous situation for her and eliminate the threat I thought it posed to her. I helped her understand that the only thing I was _really _trying to do was keep her safe.

"I understand, Grandma," she told me. "And I am sorry I got so angry."

"Oh no, my little dear," I shook my head. "_I'm _the one who's sorry. You were right. You are a grown woman now and it isn't my place to try to tell you what you can or cannot do. It wasn't right for me to try to say that just because you come from my DNA, you owe some kind of unending debt to me. Being my grandchild hardly makes you my slave. I didn't mean all that guff I threw at you."

"I know."

"If I may ask, why is this so important to you?" The moment I asked Mia that question, I saw a sudden deep sadness come over her eyes.

"I would prefer it if you didn't ask," she told me quietly.

"Why?"

Mia sighed then and said, "Let's just say that…my work there is a source of healing for me."

"Healing from what?"

"It's really too painful to talk about, Grandma."

"Darling, you can't just let this thing eat away at you inside, whatever it is. If there's something going on in your life that's causing you pain, I want you to let me know so I can help you fix it."

"I do appreciate what you're saying, but there are some things in life that simply cannot be completely fixed, like Dad's death for example. No matter how hard I try, I know I can never totally heal all the internal pain and damage the loss of your child must have done to your soul. And there are some things in my life, in my past, that you can't heal either. The only thing a person can do is try to get as much pain eased as possible and learn to live with the rest and move on as best she can."

"Baby, ever since you came back into my life, your mere presence alone has given me so much joy and healing from the pain of losing Philippe. What you say is very true. There are some wounds in life that run too deeply to be completely healed in this life, and losing Philippe is one of them. But you have eased so much of that pain for me and you have made that burden so much easier to bear. Let me do the same for you now. Let me help you carry this painful burden, whatever it is."

"Funny," Mia mused. "What you just said reminds me a lot of what Mom said to me in our last conversation with each other before she died. She wanted me to open up to her and tell her about it too, but I wouldn't. I couldn't. I've never told anyone. It's too hard to talk about."

For the next several moments, there was a long silence between us as I carefully considered whether or not to suggest this to Mia as an option. As I looked into her eyes in those moments, my gut instinct told me that I should, and I've learned over the years that I should always listen to it.

Finally, I took Mia's hand and said, "I told you a long time ago about the gift God has given me. I realize this is too hard for you to talk about with anyone, but would it be alright if I saw for myself?"

Mia shook her head and answered, "Grandma, it's hard enough for me to carry this around in my own mind. I don't want you carrying it in yours, too. You've got enough pain of your own to carry without me adding to it."

Again, my gut told me that this was something I really needed to do for both our sakes and for the sake of our relationship, so I persisted. "As I said, you've helped me enormously with all of my pain. Now I really do want to do the same thing for you. And besides, think of your mother. You know that it was basically her last request for you to let somebody in and help you with this. You can't deny her that." The very instant I said that, I could see it in her eyes that I had just gotten through to her. The next moment, she gave me a nod, granting me her permission to use my gift with her.

When I began, I was shocked at how powerful my visions and experiences of her mind and memories were. When I had used my gift like this with someone else in the past, the visions had been very brief and were just enough to give me a deeper sense of what the other person was feeling, but the instant her mind was prophetically opened up by God to my own, I immediately realized that this was something that was going to last far longer than a few moments.

The first thing I felt from Mia was a crushing wave of fear, dread, and even terror at the thought of reliving a particular memory that happened when she was very young, so I decided that I would begin by looking at what her life had been like for her right at the point we first met and work my way backwards. When I made that decision, I then felt Mia's relief, and it was in that moment I realized that Mia was just as aware of _my _inner thoughts as I was of hers, which was something that had never happened before.

The first actual memories of Mia's I experienced were the ones she had of our first meeting when she was fifteen. Even though we had previously discussed and dealt with one of the most painful issues we'd ever had between us in our relationship, her being essentially abandoned by her father and Rupert and me for nearly the first sixteen years of her life, this was the very first time I actually _felt _what that had done to her inside. For the first time, I felt the depth of her unspoken anger at me for never contacting her before that day, which she had kept remarkably well-hidden, and then I also felt it that she had sensed my feelings of coldness towards her and my snobbery against her because of her less-than-perfect appearance, which I had been entirely unaware of. I had mistakenly believed that I had successfully managed to keep those feelings hidden from her that day, but I hadn't. Naturally, when I felt those things from Mia in her memories, I was overwhelmed with sorrow and regret. It wasn't until that precise moment in time that I _really _began to understand just how much pain Philippe, Rupert, and I had actually caused her by never being there, and how much _more _pain I had caused her still by not even acknowledging what we'd put her through and not apologizing for my part in it. I'd already known that I had gotten us off to a very poor start in our relationship by immediately jumping in and trying to recruit her into becoming our Princess; that my doing that had made her feel as though I'd never really cared for her at all, and once again, actually _feeling _that from the perspective of Mia's memories was very painful for me, but that was only the beginning.

As I sifted through her memories of that day, I began to realize that there was something much more painful lurking beneath the surface. All of the sudden, I became aware of the fact that Mia had been battling depression that day and _not _simple, ordinary depression. Mia had been struggling through the depths of despair in much the same way a person who couldn't swim would struggle to keep from drowning in the middle of the ocean. In the next moment, I became aware of the fact that that had not been the only day she'd had that kind of struggle. It was a struggle she had in fact become well accustomed to; a struggle she'd lived with daily for years.

As the memories kept coming, more acutely painful realizations also kept coming with them. As I'd said before, I had led a very sheltered life and had been quite spoiled by my parents until I married Rupert and became a queen. I had known nothing but luxury, privilege, and both physical and emotional security. I'd never had to struggle to believe I had worth as a human being. I'd never for a single moment had to try to convince myself that my father loved me. I had never been bullied or made fun of or disrespected in school. I'd always fit in quite perfectly with everybody else there. But in those moments that my mind was connected with Mia's, all of the sudden, I understood what all of that felt like. I suddenly knew what it meant to be endlessly taunted, disrespected, even verbally abused in school, day in and day out, for _years_. I suddenly knew what it meant to go to a friend's birthday party and see that friend celebrating with _both _of her parents, and to hurt because I knew that was something I was _never_ going to be able to do. All of the sudden, I knew what it meant to be so incredibly depressed that I actually wanted to end my own life, which was something that had never happened to me before, not even when Philippe was killed.

As soon as I understood the truth about the deep level of depression Mia had constantly been battling without me or _anyone_ ever fully realizing it, I instantly started berating myself for being so judgmental towards her for her unkempt appearance in the beginning, because I naturally assumed that it was because of Mia's deep depression, _clinical _depression, that she hadn't cared about the way she looked when we first met. In my snobbishness and cluelessness back then, I had falsely assumed that she had neglected her appearance in the beginning because she had merely been lazy. But in the moments that followed, I quickly realized that while Mia's painful depression had played a part in her unkempt appearance, there was yet another deeper, much more painful reason behind it. It was then I realized that keeping herself looking unattractive had actually made Mia feel safe.

In that next moment, both Mia and I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer. I had seen and experienced a lot of her other memories of her battles with nearly suicidal depression in the past, and I knew now that all of that agonizing emotional pain stemmed from _one_ memory, _one_ devastating, _excruciatingly_ painful event that had happened to her when she was nine years-old. After Mia summoned up all of her courage, I sensed her granting me permission to continue, so I did.

Helen had had to go out of town for a week on business when Mia was nine years-old. An art gallery from another town was showcasing her work and Helen had had to be there to oversee everything, so she'd left Mia with an old friend of hers, Alice Freeman. Alice was about fifteen years older than Helen, and since her only child, a daughter, had turned eighteen and gone away to college that year, she'd had her house all to herself. Eight years before, Alice had managed to escape with her daughter from her abusive husband, and since then, she'd gotten divorced from him and moved into Helen's and Mia's neighborhood and managed to make a good life for herself and her daughter. She hadn't heard from her violent ex-husband in years, and there had been no reason for her or Helen to ever suspect that he would return and try to harm Alice again.

But tragically, the first night that Mia spent under Alice's roof, that was exactly what happened. That horrific night, Archie Freeman broke into Alice's house, barged into her bedroom, and beat and raped her. He hadn't realized it at the time that little Mia was in the house. When Mia heard Alice screaming, she sneaked up to her bedroom door and opened it a crack to see what was going on and when she did, she immediately ran to the nearest phone and dialed 9-1-1. When he heard Mia's little voice talking to the dispatcher on the other end of the line, he quickly broke Alice's neck and then ran up to Mia and snatched the phone out of her hand. And of course, the instant that came to the surface of both our minds, my heart rate shot up to about three hundred.

What happened next was nothing but pure, utter cruelty that until that moment in my life, anyway, went far beyond anything my sheltered mind could have imagined. After he snatched the phone out of her hand, he told the dispatcher that he was the father of the little girl she'd just been speaking to and that there had been a mistake and there was no intruder, so Mia's call, her plea for help, was instantly shut down. There would be no help for Mia that night. After his conversation with the dispatcher ended, he grabbed Mia's little hand and dragged her into the guest bedroom where she'd been sleeping. But unlike his cruelty to Alice which had ended quickly, his cruelty to Mia had been even sicker and had lasted far longer.

He mercilessly taunted her for the longest time, making appalling, disgusting jokes about how he was going to love "getting his hands on her" since she was such a beautiful little girl. In the midst of his taunting, he noticed a book report Mia had been working on for class sitting on the desk and he asked her about it. When, in her terrified silence she didn't respond, he slapped her and told her he would kill her if she didn't answer. She quietly told him about the book report, and the sickening taunting continued. He forced her to stand up in front of him and read it to him, and of course, she'd had no choice but to do so, while he laughed at her and obviously enjoyed her terror. She experienced such a crushing fear and panic inside, as a matter of fact, that while she was in the middle of reading her book report to him, she vomited.

That was when the worst cruelty of all began. He slapped her again several times, and then he stripped her of her nightclothes and for the next couple of hours or so, that sickening piece of excrement raped my granddaughter.

When it was all over, he left the house, and was never seen or heard from again by Mia or anyone. Meanwhile, Mia was left lying on that bedroom floor, cold and naked. My precious, _precious _baby girl was too shell-shocked to cry. She was simply too traumatized inside to give any kind of reaction, so she operated on autopilot. The tears – the _years _of agonized tears over what had happened to her that brutal night – would come later, as she gained the maturity to be able to understand and process what had been done to her. And rather than continue to lie on the floor, she knew that she had no choice but to get up again, and so she did. She got up and took a shower, and then she got dressed again in some fresh clothes. Then she went to the phone and called the police and let them know about how Alice had been killed so that body could be taken care of.

And after she got off the phone with the police, she made another decision, a courageous and selfless one (although in my opinion, the wrong one). She knew how very much her mother had always loved her and how protective she felt towards her, and she knew beyond a doubt that if Helen ever learned the truth about what had happened to her that night, she would blame herself. So instead of sharing her burdens with her mother, she promised herself that she would keep the truth to herself and shield her from the heartache of it. Upon making that decision, she called her mother and told her what had been done to Alice, and rather than tell her the truth about how he'd raped her, she told her that he'd threatened to take her life as well if she called for help and that that was why she'd been too scared to do anything for the past couple of hours, which was the same thing she told investigators later.

After that, I _finally _understood everything. So many things I'd wondered about Mia over the years just fell right into place. For one thing, it was hardly any wonder that after such a harrowing experience and his taunting her with the book report, she had been so terrified of giving speeches, even to the point that doing so made her physically ill. When she'd given her big speech at the Genovian Independence Day Ball announcing that she'd chosen to accept her royal title just before her sixteenth birthday, at the time, I'd been slightly annoyed with her efforts because she'd gotten off-track in the middle of things and had begun to babble, and what I had perceived to be an obvious lack of poise had gotten on my nerves. I was more ashamed of myself than ever for that attitude now. Instead of getting annoyed with my baby girl, I _should _have pinned a medal on her chest for merely making the _attempt _to give a speech in the first place. What I had mistaken to be an annoyingly unpolished speech to the press had really been a tremendous act of courage.

The same thing went for her appearance. What Joseph had told me before in his constructive criticism of me had been painfully accurate. The day I first met Mia, I was _not _looking at her with the eyes of a true grandmother. I _certainly _wasn't looking at her through the lens of love like I should have been. I was looking at her as the Queen of Genovia, or more precisely, as an overly critical snob. And being the impatient, and yes, even spoiled person that I was at the time, rather than bothering to take the time to _really _get to know her and to even _try _to understand what was going on inside of her, I just jumped to completely unfair conclusions about her and looked down on her. For the first nine years of Mia's life, she actually had taken good care of her hair and physical appearance like her mother had taught her to do, but Freeman's disgusting words, telling her how beautiful she was, rang in her head for years and years, making her afraid to care for her physical appearance from that point forward, thinking that it was safer to look unattractive. When I fully realized that painful fact, I felt the deepest shame I'd ever experienced in all my life.

That was also true of her clumsiness. Mia had always been slightly clumsy even as a small child, but from that night forward, her clumsiness greatly increased, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why. She'd been so deeply traumatized, understandably, that it made her continuously anxious, and her increased anxiety only made it that much more likely that she would trip and fall or spill things. As that realization came to me, I thought back to all the times she had fallen down on that very hard floor at the Genovian consulate back when I'd been giving her "princess lessons," as Mia had called them. Most grandmothers in a situation like that would have at the very _least _bothered to ask the question, "Are you alright?" after seeing their granddaughter fall down on such a hard floor. As for me, I'd only felt coldness and annoyance towards my granddaughter for her lack of gracefulness.

Then I began to understand the overall impact my snobbish, judgmental attitude had had on my granddaughter. Mia had _already _had to struggle to believe that she had worth as a human being because of what had happened to her when she nine, but when _I _came into the picture, practically expecting total perfection out of her as well as putting my political agenda before our relationship, I only made her struggle that much worse. Because of the training I'd received my entire life, being poised and elegant and regal in nearly every situation I encountered was basically second nature to me, but for understandable reasons, those were qualities that did not come to Mia as easily, and since those were things she could not easily master, she had often felt hopeless; like she could never be good enough to live up to my expectations and make me happy. She'd quite often felt that she would always be a little bit of a failure and a disappointment to me, and it had been a very difficult burden she'd carried all those years _on top _of the burdens she'd already been carrying.

But even though her burdens were agonizing, she bravely, quietly soldiered on and kept going without saying a word, determined to protect her mother from the painful truth. She accepted the facts that she could never stop being clumsy and because of her middle-class background, would likely never completely fit into the world of Genovian royal society, and she made up her mind that despite what she thought were her shortcomings, she would still take good care of Genovia and make a positive difference in the world for Christ, for her father, for her grandfather, for me, and for the legacy of all the Renaldis who had ruled before her.

And the one person who had helped make her burdens at least a little easier for her to bear had been her mother. Helen had most definitely noticed the overall change in Mia's behavior and personality after what had happened that heartbreaking night at Alice's house, and while she'd never been successful in her attempts to get Mia to open up to her about what had happened, she instinctively knew that something terrible had occurred. She knew by instinct that when Mia had stopped taking care of her hair and her appearance, for some reason, it was meeting some kind of need that Mia had and she knew not to give her a hard time about it. She also knew by instinct that what had happened that night was somehow connected to her strong physical reaction to giving speeches, so she made all the necessary calls to Mia's school and set up all the necessary parent-teacher conferences so she could straighten things out for her with her teachers whenever that happened. She had always been there, drying every tear, holding her after every nightmare, encouraging her, telling her how beautiful and precious she was and that she was always, _always _good enough no matter what, all of which were things I as her grandmother certainly never did. Mia definitely tried to hang onto her mother's voice, her love and encouragement, but the other things, getting abandoned by her father and grandparents and then getting raped, were often so powerful that they drowned her mother out in her mind. But even though that did happen, it was still helpful to Mia to have that one person, that one steady voice of love, constantly, consistently believing in her even when it seemed the whole rest of the world didn't.

And that was why it had been particularly devastating for Mia when her mother had died so suddenly. Helen might not have known the actual facts of what had happened to Mia that horrific night, but she'd had an instinctive understanding about it that no one else in Mia's life had had, and therefore, she had been a vital sort of lifeline of love and understanding for her. She'd found that lifeline again through her work at the Pyrus Women's Shelter. She'd understandably felt very alone in royal society after first ascending the throne, and after first becoming Queen, it had been hard for her not to have her mother, Lilly, or her friends from college around to spend time with, so she'd begun volunteering there, and in doing so, she'd found a real source of healing for her heart. She'd found new friends in Sarah Sanchez and the rest of her coworkers there, people who had been through similar experiences themselves and understood what she'd gone through; people she could completely be herself with and didn't have to worry about impressing. It helped her even more so to be able to give the kind of comfort to the women and children there that she hadn't been able to reach out and receive for herself. And when Helen had died so unexpectedly, the lifeline she'd found at the Pyrus Women's Shelter became only that much dearer and more vital to her inside. After her mother's death, Sarah Sanchez had done some prodding when she saw how devastated "Angie" was, and when she found out that "Angie's" mother had died, Sarah had offered to take over as her mother and Mia, or "Angie," had agreed. She hadn't agreed because she'd been trying to replace Helen by any means, but because she'd still needed the kind of psychological lifeline that only a mother could provide. Sarah had told her that she didn't believe Helen would want her to be without a mother in her life, and Mia, who knew Helen better than anyone, had known she wouldn't. I had taken over for Sarah Sanchez during Mia's long hospital stay so I was now both mother and grandmother to Mia, but that didn't change the fact that she still needed the lifeline of healing she'd found at the Pyrus Women's Shelter.

In that next moment, when the full, complete picture of it all took shape in my mind and I _really _understood the whole truth, I grabbed that child and hugged her, and we both cried together for the longest time. And in the midst of my tears, all I could tell her was, "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so, _so _sorry I made it worse. I'm so sorry for everything. Oh God, I would give anything if I could go back in time and take this for you, my love. Oh, I had no idea how you've suffered. Oh baby, you should have told Helen and me about this. You shouldn't have carried this all by yourself all these years."

"I couldn't tell her," Mia said through her own tears. "I couldn't hurt her like that. I just couldn't."

After she said that, I couldn't resist the urge to hug her even tighter. "My sweet girl," I whispered in her ear. "My sweet, sweet girl. Dear Lord, I had no right to just sweep into your life and try to get you to become our Princess. I shouldn't have laid the responsibilities of an entire country on your shoulders when you were in so much pain yourself. I should have done something to help you. I should have seen how depressed you were and gotten to the bottom of it and gotten you some help."

"No, Grandma. You didn't know. And there was no way you _could _have known. There was nothing you could have said or done to get me to open up to you about it."

"Oh, but I _certainly _didn't have to be so snobbish and judgmental, and I am so sorry, baby. _I am so sorry. _I'm so sorry I made you feel like you weren't good enough all these years. I'm so sorry I only made your burdens that much harder to bear. I'm so sorry I didn't at least _try _to find out what it was you've been struggling with all your life. I'm so sorry I've been so clueless.

"Well, no more. No more, do you understand me? No more judgment and snobbery and cluelessness on my part, and as for your part, no more suffering in silence and thinking that you're not good enough. No more trying to deal with all of this on your own. If doing volunteer work at that shelter helps you with this, then fine, but we're sending a team of our most experienced guards with you so you'll be safe. Have you told your counselor about this?"

"No. I haven't told anyone."

"When is your next appointment?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Well tomorrow, you're telling that counselor of yours so she can give you the professional help with this that you need."

"Grandma, this is not something that…that I can actually talk about. It was hard enough just allowing you to see it inside my mind with your gift."

"Then, with your permission, I'll come with you and explain it to her myself. Losing Philippe caused me the most brutal emotional pain I ever experienced, but I was able to work through it and move on largely because I had an outstanding support system, as well as your uncle helping me as both a professional psychologist and a son. You are _not _going to be without support any longer. You are going to have the same support I had. You're not doing this alone anymore."

"I don't know. I don't want to tell other people about this. The last thing I want is for other people to feel sorry for me."

"I understand, but will you at least let Joseph and me help you carry this from now on, and let the counselor help you?"

After a moment of silence, she nodded, and again I hugged her.

"I was so afraid this would happen," Mia said while we were still embracing.

"Afraid what would happen?" I asked once the hug was over.

"It was bad enough that I got so seriously hurt by all this, but the last thing I wanted was for Mom or you to get hurt by it, too."

"Sweetheart, it may hurt knowing about everything you've been through, but it hurts me even more thinking about you fighting years of such severe depression all by yourself. Until now, I had no idea how it felt to be so depressed that you would want to take your own life. Thank God you never attempted suicide, but I saw how many times you seriously considered it, and it just tore me up. I think you've had clinical depression for most of your life and you've just figured out how to hide it really well. We need to get you some help for that as well."

"Actually, Grandma, I'm already taking an anti-depressant. When I first went into counseling with my shrink after I was released from the hospital, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put on medication for it. I just don't like to tell people. I prefer to keep that sort of thing private. I know you and Joe aren't like this, but if somebody else in the palace overheard me discussing it…"

"Word could get out about it and some people would likely accuse you of being mentally unstable."

"A.K.A. crazy."

"It's the twenty-first century, but some people, especially some of the older parliamentarians, aren't exactly open-minded about this sort of thing and it might hurt you politically if word ever got out. You're more popular now than you've ever been, but you still have your opponents to contend with. I understand. But please don't think for a moment that I'm like they are. Darling, I would never, ever look down on you or think you're 'crazy' because of your depression. If I'd been through what you have, I would have ended up with clinical depression myself."

"I appreciate you saying that."

"It's true. I also want to say that you are so much stronger than I ever realized. You're not merely strong. You're _remarkable_. And I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to see it. It is an honor, the _greatest _honor, to know you."

Tears filled Mia's eyes when I told her that and once again, we hugged, and we didn't let go for ages.

* * *

"You're looking very serious," Mia told me moments after I left Joseph's embrace and went to join Mia upstairs in her suite. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm just worried about you, my love," I answered her as I sat down beside her on her loveseat. "Do you remember that deal we first made with each other seven years ago when I used my gift with you for the very first time? No more judgment and snobbery from me, and no more silent suffering from you."

"I remember."

"Well, one of us hasn't been holding up her end of the bargain, and it hasn't been me."

"What are you talking about, Grandma?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you're not telling me everything about your health; that there are still some things you're trying to carry alone. I know that your defibrillator went off a few months ago and you never said a word to me about it. Why?"

"It's not like you could have done anything."

"I could have been there for you."

"You're always there for me. I just hate worrying you."

"It worries me more knowing that you're keeping secrets from me about your health. I'll admit that when I first overheard the conversation between Sebastian and Nicholas today, I reverted back to Queen Mode for a second or two. I was going to come and tell you that keeping the truth from me about what's happening with your health was unacceptable. But then I thought back to that night when I first used my gift with you. I remembered the big fight we had before it, how you basically let me know that you were a grown woman now and that your decisions about how you lived your personal life were _your _choices to make, not mine, and you were right. But as a grandma and a mama who's worried about her little girl, darling, I'm asking you, _please _let me know when something happens with your health."

"I'm sorry, Grandma. You're right. You have a right to know about it when something like this happens. I understand that you'd want to know about these kinds of things just like I would want to know about it if, God forbid, something were going on with your health. I just can't help but want to protect you."

"Well I don't _want _to be protected. I want the truth."

"In that case…I may as well tell you that my defibrillator has fired more than once."

"How many times has it happened, honey?"

"It's happened a couple of more times, once around Christmas, and again last month. And that's not all."

"Is something wrong?"

"Well with someone with my health history, this kind of thing does happen sometimes. As you already know, I've lost an awful lot of strength over the past couple of months or so."

"Yes, I have noticed."

"And according to the latest test results by my cardiologist, I have congestive heart failure, and my heart has become enlarged. Now don't panic," she said as soon as she saw it in my face how worried I was. "Being diagnosed with CHF doesn't mean that your heart is completely failing and you're about to die. It just means that your heart isn't working as efficiently as it should and it needs a little help. I've been put on some new medications, but…"

"But?" I gently nudged.

"But my doctors are telling me that now, I have to give up being Queen, and I mean _completely _give it up, with the exception of making a few diplomatic appearances at royal functions. They're saying my heart can't take the stress of trying to run a country any longer, not even _with _all the help I've been receiving these past few months from Nicholas, Sebastian, and the rest of the staff."

"Baby, that's fine. If you need to give it up now according to your doctors, then that's exactly what you're going to do. You've already done so much to take care of our country. Now it's time for you to take care of yourself."

"Lionel already knows about it. He was with me when the doctor told me. Nobody else knows, though. I haven't talked to Nicholas about it yet, but I will soon. And I _was _going to tell you about it too. I guess I was just putting it off because problems with my health is _not _my favorite subject."

"I understand, little one, but I'm _so _glad you told me. Learning the truth about these kinds of things is painful, but I'm so glad I know so I can be there for you."

Mia smiled then and said, "I know you feel that way. That's why you're such an incredible grandma."

I pulled her in my arms in that moment and kissed the top of her head and said, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Mia sweetly replied, which only made me want to hold her ever closer.


	18. Confessions

**Note to readers: **There are several things I need to say to everyone. First and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone who has supported this story by faving, following, or reviewing it along the way, and to all my lurkers. Zuka4one, thank you especially for always reviewing. :) I always look forward to hearing from you. I've been meaning to say that to everyone for quite some time now but for some dumb reason, every time I went to post a chapter, I forgot. I can be REALLY scatter-brained at times. Please forgive me, but please know how much I have appreciated all your support. Second of all, I am REALLY sorry I have taken so incredibly long to update _Quiet Strength_. I have run into an awful lot of unexpected personal problems along the way I had to deal with, and I've also been having a lot of trouble with my laptop which prevented me from writing before now. Hopefully from now on, I will be able to update more frequently. Third, I would highly recommend you guys have some tissues on standby. I do not cry very easily when either reading or writing a story, and _I _actually cried while writing this chapter, so be prepared. It's a tearjerker. Try not to hate me too much when you reach the end of this chapter. I can't help it. I love dramatic tearjerkers. :) And as a final note, a little spoiler alert here, I would personally like to apologize to the pig population of the world for comparing pigs with Paolo. I understand what an insult it is to be compared with Paolo. I just couldn't help myself. :) Okay, all kidding around aside, I hope you enjoy. :)

**Chapter Eighteen**

_Charlotte_

Being a woman in my forties, I had doubts as to whether or not I'd ever be able to have children with Pierre when we got married. We both agreed during our short engagement that it would be wonderful if we could have a child together someday, but we also agreed that we could still be perfectly happy together if we didn't, so we decided in the end that we'd leave the whole matter up to God. And in the end, He _very _pleasantly surprised us. Pierre and I found out in June that I was pregnant and in early July, during a routine check-up with my obstetrician nine weeks into my pregnancy, he thought he heard more than one heartbeat so he ordered an ultrasound to be certain, and much to our delight, we discovered that day that I was actually carrying twins. However, due to my age and it being twins, my pregnancy was considered a high-risk pregnancy so Pierre and I decided to wait until I reached my second trimester before we told everyone.

And on the first of August, the day I officially hit my second trimester, Pierre and I invited Queen Clarisse, Joseph, Queen Mia, Lionel, and several other maids and bodyguards who were close friends of ours to lunch to tell them. Pierre asked me ahead of time if I wanted to make the announcement or if I wanted him to do it, and I told him that since they were our babies, we should stand up and announce it together, so that's what we decided to do. Once everyone in the palace dining room was done eating, Pierre and I gave each other a knowing smile, stood up, and took each other's hand.

"Everyone, my gorgeous wife and I have an announcement we'd like to make," Pierre beamed while I responded with a little embarrassed laugh.

"I think you're overdoing it with the word 'gorgeous,' Pierre," I teased him.

"No way. You are amazingly beautiful."

"And _you _are amazingly silly," I teased him.

"Oh, I wouldn't say so, Charlotte. I think he's right. You do seem to be quite radiant these days," Queen Clarisse said, and I could see it in her eyes that she was teasing me

"Glowing, even," Queen Mia jokingly chimed in as well, and that was when Pierre and I knew that everyone else had already figured it out.

"Charlotte, I think they know," Pierre told me.

"Looks like they do, but we should still allow ourselves the pleasure of getting to say the words anyway. Pierre, why don't I tell them part one of our news and you tell them part two?"

"Oh but part two's the best part. I want you to have that honor."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Alright, if you insist, then. Go ahead."

"Okay. As it appears you've already guessed, everybody, Charlotte and I are expecting." Everyone gave an exuberant cheer in that moment, especially Queen Clarisse, who practically jumped out of her seat and hugged us both. During most of the time that I've known Her Majesty, she'd typically balked at showing her feelings in front of other people besides Joseph, but ever since she almost lost her granddaughter, she changed a great deal and was no longer afraid or ashamed to show others how she truly felt.

"Oh, Charlotte, Pierre, that's so wonderful! Congratulations! I am so, _so _happy for you both."

"As am I," Joseph said just after he and all the others got up from their seats as well. He shook Pierre's hand and kissed my cheek in that next moment and told us, "Congratulations."

Queen Mia hugged me lovingly then and said, "This is awesome news, Charlotte. Congratulations! Now Claire and Rosie will get to have a little playmate to grow up with in the palace."

Then she hugged and congratulated Pierre, and afterwards, Lionel and the others hugged and congratulated us as well.

"Pierre, it certainly took you long enough to give me a grandchild!" Queen Clarisse teased her son, and it was in that moment that I decided to share part two of our news.

"_Grandchildren_, Your Majesty," I told her.

"Charlotte, how many times have I told you that you don't have to call me 'Your Majesty' anymore?" she asked me jokingly. She had told me countless times since Pierre and I got married that it wasn't necessary for me to address her by her title anymore; that we could be on a first-name basis now, but it was an incredibly hard habit for me to break. Queen Clarisse had been my Queen first and foremost for so long that being on a first-name basis with her was still a hard thing to get used to.

"Hold on a second, Charlotte," Queen Clarisse then said as it began to hit her. "What do you mean _grandchildren_?"

"I mean, I'm pregnant with twins. That's part two of our big news." When everybody heard that, once again, there were shouts of joy and endless hugs and kisses from everyone, especially Queen Clarisse. And as someone who sometimes knew Queen Clarisse even better than she knew herself, I understood painfully well the kind of emotional toll her granddaughter's recent downward spiral with her health had taken on her, so Pierre and I were thrilled to be able to give her such good news. We could both look at her and tell that the news had truly lifted her spirits a great deal, and that meant an awful lot to us. But sadly, the joy of our announcement wasn't to last.

When I first came to the palace at age nineteen and started working for Queen Clarisse, even though I was just a commoner and a servant at that, she was always gracious to me. She might have been a bit distant, but with her being a royal, of course, I expected that. She was perfectly friendly to me, but above all else, she was a professional who expected nothing but the highest of standards, and I worked as hard as I could to make sure I didn't fail her. Eventually, one day she learned about how my parents and my older brother Kevin were killed when our house burned down shortly before I came to work in the palace, and once she knew that I was basically all alone in the world after their deaths, she really warmed up to me and took me under her wing. It didn't happen all at once, but slowly over the years, the Queen and I became very close friends and more than once, she actually told me that I was like the daughter she never had, which really meant the world to me. And being as close to the Queen as I eventually became, naturally, I heard a lot of confessions through the years. She typically kept her real feelings to herself as much as possible, but from time to time, she simply needed another woman to talk to and since I'd become a sort of surrogate daughter for her just as she'd become a surrogate mother for me, I was the person she came to.

The same thing went for Queen Mia. Her grandmother had built walls around her heart for a long time to keep others from getting close to her and vice versa, which was something I always understood. Being the ruler of a country with enemies like Viscount Mabrey and the von Trokens she constantly had to contend with, it was perfectly understandable that she needed to be extremely careful about who she allowed into her heart. But Queen Mia was the exact opposite of her grandmother. Even though Queen Clarisse had told me that she thought of me like a daughter, she was still my Queen and my employer first and foremost. When Queen Mia first came into the picture, though, as an understandably reluctant young princess, even though she was also royal and also my employer in a sense, she was always Mia first and a Genovian royal second. To her, there was no title between us. For that reason, we became friends with each other considerably faster than her grandmother and I did, and I think that for Mia, it was at a time in her life when she really, really needed a good friend to talk to.

Back when Queen Mia was still trying to decide whether or not to accept her title, she instantly felt alienated by almost all the people around her. She was hurt and angry at her mother for not telling her the truth about her being born a royal princess; she was even more hurt and angry at her grandmother for never being a part of her life until she needed her for her own political agenda, and she was equally alienated from her best friend Lilly at the time because of the jealousy she sensed from her, especially when she got her big makeover, so she didn't have that many people to confide in about all the inner turmoil she was going through. I went through something similar myself when I lost my family, so of course, I told Mia that I'd be her friend and be there for her if she'd let me. Since then, she confided in me many times through the years as she grew up from a girl into a woman, and I really started seeing myself as a kind of aunt to her, and her as my niece.

So because of the fact that I was a surrogate daughter to one queen and an aunt to the other, being their personal assistant all these years meant so much more besides managing their schedules and paperwork and coordinating their public appearances and press conferences with Joseph and the rest of Royal Security. It even meant more than being their friend whenever they needed one. It meant knowing these unique, intelligent, strong, special women like the back of my own hand. In order to help them run our country, it meant having the palace and all other royal matters running as smoothly as a well-oiled machine. It meant knowing instinctively when to make my presence known so that I could be of help to them in some way, and when it was best to be invisible. And on top of all those things, it always, _always _meant being there to listen whenever they needed someone to talk to.

As I said before, I've heard a lot of confessions from both my Queens over the years. I've been privy to _a lot _of Renaldi family secrets, and no matter what either Queen Clarisse or Queen Mia had confided in me about in the past, I'd always been able to handle it before. Frankly, neither one of them had ever told me any secret that I hadn't already known about or at least suspected to be true. But about three months after Pierre and I made our big announcement to everyone in the palace that day, all that changed, and Queen Mia hit me with a confession I did _not _see coming. Or perhaps a part of me actually _did _see it coming deep down in my gut and the rest of me just hadn't wanted to admit it.

It had been no secret to any of us that over the past several months or so, Queen Mia's health had suddenly started taking a rather drastic turn for the worse. I knew that Queen Mia had told Lionel, Joseph, and Queen Clarisse about the recent problems that had turned up with her heart, and that she'd also told Lord Devereaux and Prime Minister Motaz for obvious reasons. And while Queen Mia had never officially told Pierre or the rest of us on the palace staff about it, unofficially, we all knew through the palace grapevine that her doctors had told her that it was essential to her health now that she step down and turn the crown over to Lord Devereaux. We also knew, again courtesy of the palace grapevine, that Queen Mia had gone to Lord Devereaux and Prime Minister Motaz and told them that she was ready to step aside and let Lord Devereaux ascend the throne in her place, but that he once again refused the throne. Instead, he insisted that she remain our Queen, even if in name only, while he took over her entire workload for her behind the scenes. Queen Mia vehemently said no to that at first, but Lord Devereaux insisted and absolutely refused to budge. He was convinced that regardless of her declining health and the fact that she could now only contribute very little as Queen, it was best for the morale of the country for her to remain on the throne, and speaking as a Genovian myself, I could hardly say I disagreed with him on that. Even if she could now only be our Queen in name only because of her health, it would have really hurt everyone's heart to see her give up the throne, including mine. Thankfully though, because Lord Devereaux remained relentlessly stubborn on the issue, Queen Mia eventually gave in and agreed.

However, it was a very good thing that Queen Mia finally did start listening to what both her doctors and her body had been telling her for quite a while about her need to stop pushing herself so hard, because it was obvious to everyone that her little body simply couldn't take it anymore. In mid-August, she suffered another bout with pneumonia that had caused her a nearly two-week-long hospital stay. It had seemed that her heart and lung function had been steadily deteriorating since her second heart attack a year and a half ago, but after her last hospitalization, her heart and lung function began a sharp, sudden descent.

Throughout September and October, it was all she could do to simply get enough air to walk from point A to point B, and by early November, merely walking up the staircase to her suite had become too difficult a feat for her to accomplish without help. She was also depending on oxygen more and more frequently. By the time November rolled around, she was practically on oxygen around the clock, and even something as joyful as the upcoming birth of the twins was overshadowed by our growing worry over the Queen's rapidly deteriorating health. To be perfectly honest, we were all scared to death.

But even though all the rest of us and I could see our dear Queen's downward spiral happening right before our eyes, when she called me into her suite one morning shortly after the first of November for a private discussion, I was actually shocked at what she had to tell me. I guess like everybody else, I didn't want to believe the painful truth that was obviously right in front of me, so I refused to allow myself to even think it for a nanosecond. I was in denial. We _all _were in denial.

The moment I walked inside, I saw Queen Mia lying on her loveseat under a nice thick quilt, and I saw that as usual nowadays, she was wearing a nasal cannula that was delivering extra oxygen to her. I quickly took my seat in one of the chairs across from the loveseat, and I gave her my best smile.

"Good morning, Your Majesty," I said to her, and she returned the smile.

"Good morning, Your Grace," Queen Mia responded, and I let out a small laugh. I still wasn't used to having a title. "How are you and my two little cousins doing today?"

Again I smiled, and I patted my pregnant stomach and answered, "We're fine, Your Majesty. How are you doing this morning?" In the following instant, thunder suddenly clapped outside, startling both of us. There had been a slight drizzle that morning, but in that precise moment, a loud thunderstorm began in earnest.

"Let's just say that the current weather matches my mood. Before I say anything else, Charlotte, can I ask you to please drop the titles and call me 'Mia'? I called you up here to talk to my aunt this morning, not my personal assistant." Of course, ever since I married her Uncle Pierre, I was her aunt officially, but we both knew I'd really been her aunt since long before now.

"Certainly, Mia. What's up?"

"You may be married to an ex-priest now, but you've been a bit of a priest in your own right all these years. I know you've heard a lot of my confessions whenever we've had one of our talks in the past. Well, now I have another confession to make, and it's not going to be very pleasant for either one of us."

"What's wrong?"

"Well before I spring this on you, I feel I really ought to apologize. I feel bad giving this kind of news to a woman who's six months pregnant with twins, but under the circumstances, I don't believe I have much of a choice. I also want to warn you ahead of time that this is really, _really _bad news. You need to brace yourself."

"Sweetie, you don't have to worry about your little cousins and me. I may seem softhearted on the outside, but I can also be pretty tough on the inside when I need to be, and my babies are just as tough as their mother. Whatever it is that's going on, we can handle it, so go ahead and tell your Aunt Charlotte what's wrong."

"Okay, here goes. During my last check-up with my doctors a few days ago, some things turned up in my latest round of bloodwork and other tests that they didn't like. To make a long story short, according to my latest test results, my heart is now completely giving out on me, and my lungs and my kidneys aren't far behind."

As I said before, even though I'd personally witnessed her recent sudden downward spiral with my own eyes, I still felt as though a ten-ton boulder just fell right out of the sky and landed on my gut. Perhaps it was something I should have seen coming, but I honestly didn't. In the seconds that followed, as my heart and mind truly began to digest what Mia had just told me, I became filled with a sense of devastated shock.

"Dr. Adams and the others want to run the tests a second time just to be sure a mistake hasn't been made," Mia continued. "But they've already warned Lionel and me that we should be prepared for the worst."

"Oh Mia, honey," I gasped, and without another word, I got up and went over and gave her the biggest, longest hug. Then I sat down on the coffee table so I could be closer to her. "Well, sweetheart, try not to think the worst, if you can. I know it's hard not to, but try. Try to stay as positive as possible. Maybe your doctors got it wrong."

"That's what I keep trying to tell myself, but then my mind keeps going back to the cold, hard facts of the situation. And the cold, hard facts are, these doctors and specialists who have been taking care of me all these years are _literally _the best doctors on the planet; the best _of _the best. The Renaldis are worth nearly _one billion dollars_, Charlotte, and these people are truly the best doctors that money can buy. From day one, Grandma always made sure of that. If we were talking about a group of ordinary doctors, then sure, it would be entirely possible that a mistake had been made, but these doctors wouldn't make that kind of a mistake. Some of these people were paid to actually move to Genovia from other countries, uprooting their entire families in the process, to personally oversee my care. It is extremely unlikely to say the least that they would make a wrong diagnosis."

"I know this is terribly frightening, and I know that it doesn't look good right now, but try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion just yet. You know as well as I do that a group of equally skilled fertility specialists told you and Lionel that you'd never be able to conceive a child, but you had Rosie in the end, didn't you? Not even the most brilliant doctors in the world are always right about everything one hundred percent of the time. Even though these people are the best doctors that money can buy, it would still be a good idea to not only have them run the tests again, but to also go to other doctors for a second opinion, and maybe even a third or a fourth."

"I know, Charlotte. You're right. It is entirely possible that I'm just jumping the gun about this whole thing because I'm so scared right now. Maybe a mistake really has been made and I'm just worrying over nothing. But in case I'm not and my doctors really are right about what they're saying, then I'm going to need to figure some things out, and I'm going to need your help with that."

"Why don't we cross that bridge if we come to it?" I purposely said "if" and not "when."

"If I were simply an ordinary person, then I'd have the luxury of being able to take this whole thing one step at a time. I'd have the luxury of being able to wait for the second round of tests to be done and to go out and get second, third, and fourth opinions before having to deal with the possibility of dying. But because I'm the Queen, that's a luxury I don't have. If my doctors are right about this and I really am dying, then I need to figure it out as soon as possible how best to deal with this so that there's as little pain involved as possible for all the people around me…all the people I love. I need to have a game plan in place for dealing with the press in all this, and I especially need to be prepared in my dealings with the media when it comes to making the announcement that I'll be officially abdicating the throne in favor of Nicholas. I also need to do everything I can to help him as much as possible with the transition. I mean, I know he's been ruling the country with me for years now, but because he's never officially been the King of Genovia, he's basically been doing it in the background while I've been on center stage as Queen. Now that he's going to officially be Genovia's ruler, the press is going to be all over him, constantly dissecting every tiny move he makes every day for the rest of his life. I have to help him prepare for that."

"No, love, _you can _take this whole thing one step at a time. _You need _to take this one step at a time. Believe me, it's better for you and everyone if you do. It's better if you wait until you're absolutely certain about your prognosis before you start trying to deal with anything else or make any big decisions. In the meantime, while you're waiting for this second round of tests to be done, I don't want you to worry about anything. Lord Devereaux and Prime Minister Motaz will continue to handle the political side of things for you just like they've been doing these past few months, and I'll take care of everything else. You just take it easy and take care of yourself right now. When are you scheduled to have your tests done?"

"Starting at one o'clock today." Naturally because of all her health issues, hospital equipment such as an X-ray machine had been set up for her in the palace some time ago so that whenever her team of specialists needed to run different kinds of tests on her, it could be done without her needing to leave the palace.

"Have you told Queen Clarisse and Joseph yet?"

"No. No one else in the palace knows about any of this except for you and Lionel, and I intend to keep it that way, at least for right now. You can tell Uncle Pierre if you want to, but I don't want any other person to know until I've had these tests done, and maybe gotten a few more opinions from other specialists first. I especially don't want Grandma to know."

I gave Mia a sympathetic smile then and told her, "You know Queen Clarisse wouldn't approve. You know that it's very important to her for you to tell her about it whenever something's wrong. She absolutely _loathes _it when you keep her in the dark about these kinds of things."

"I know that Grandma would want to know, and Joe too for that matter, but sometimes in life, what a person wants and what a person needs are two different things. You were there with Grandma through it all when Dad died. You saw firsthand the kind of hell she went through. I am _not _putting her through anything else, not if I can possibly help it. I realize I'm going against her wishes, but I have to do what's best for her and look out for her just as she's always looked out for me since my first brush with death eight years ago."

I could tell that, as usual, the lectures Queen Clarisse had given her granddaughter in recent months about not keeping her health problems a secret from her had gone in one ear and out the other. I could see Queen Mia's point, though. I could see where _both _queens were coming from. I understood Queen Clarisse's strong desire to know what was going on with her granddaughter's health so that she could be there for her whenever there was a problem, but I also understood Queen Mia's desire to shield her grandmother from the worry and pain of what was happening to her as much as possible since she already lost a son. However, in the end, I felt that Queen Clarisse really shouldn't be kept out of the loop about her own grandchild's condition because as much as Queen Mia tried to keep it all a secret, keeping secrets in our palace was practically impossible. She was definitely going to find out about it sooner or later, and I personally felt that it was better for her to know sooner rather than later so that they could both face this thing head on together.

"Yes, I was there with her through that agonizing chapter of her life, and I've been there with her through everything with you during the past eight years as well. It hasn't been easy by any means, but your grandmother is a very tough woman, and she's a lot stronger than you're giving her credit for. I think she deserves to know."

"Not right now, Charlotte. Not until I am completely, totally, one hundred percent certain of my diagnosis." I could see it in her face in that moment that no matter what I said, she wasn't going to budge, so I decided to drop it.

"As you wish. Your uncle and I won't say a word."

"Thank you, and thanks for listening."

"Of course." I got up then and bent down to give her another long hug, and then I said, "We'll get through this, sweetie. We'll get through this."

"I know," Mia responded in a serious tone. She may have been trying to be positive, but she was understandably very worried, as was I.

When the embrace ended a few moments later, I left Queen Mia's suite and walked downstairs to my own office, and then I locked my office door, sat down at my desk, and had myself a good cry. Of course I believed I was right to tell Queen Mia to try to stay positive and to wait until she'd had her second round of testing done and gotten other opinions from other specialists before she accepted her diagnosis as fact, but I knew it was highly likely that her initial diagnosis was correct.

Once I'd managed to get all the tears out of my system for the time being, I composed myself and dried my eyes. Then just as I was about to make a start on my paperwork and other duties for the day, one of my wedding pictures I had on my desk caught my eye that had been taken of our whole family out in the palace garden that day, and I picked it up and looked at it for a good while. Pierre and I were sitting down together in the middle and Queen Mia, Queen Clarisse, Joseph, Lionel, Princess Claire, and Princess Rosie were standing all around us. Queen Mia and Queen Clarisse were standing by each other's side with their arms wrapped around each other's waists, smiling. A person could easily see how close they were just by the way they stood together.

I looked at the two of them in that photograph for the longest time, and I soon found myself marveling at how very much their relationship had changed over the years. I had been their confidant right from the very beginning of their relationship fifteen years ago. I'd heard many confessions from both of them to me about the other over the years, and I'd personally witnessed this beautiful relationship grow and deepen and become so much stronger. And to say the very least, it was a real miracle because in the beginning, it seemed that a real relationship with each other was the last thing either of them wanted. To say that they had gotten off on the wrong foot and hadn't liked each other at first was the understatement of the century.

* * *

It was a lovely day in May when Queen Clarisse Renaldi met her soon-to-be sixteen-year-old granddaughter for the first time fifteen years ago, and to put it mildly, it did _not _turn out well. As much as I'd grown to respect and care for Queen Clarisse over the years, I'd always known that in some ways at least, she simply did not live in the real world back then. The minute I set eyes on then Princess Mia, I immediately felt so sorry for her because I knew she was in for a real avalanche that she couldn't possibly have seen coming. Just like then Princess Mia, I too had been the uncool nerd of the class everybody else in my school bullied and made fun of, so I knew that she would probably not be very happy to learn that she had in fact been born a royal princess and would be inheriting the Genovian throne someday. She was simply a sweet, ordinary girl who was just trying to hold her head above water and make it through each day, just as I'd been. She wasn't someone who was comfortable being in the spotlight, understandably, and I knew that whether she liked it or not, she was about to be thrust right in the middle of it and have the eyes of all Genovia and America fixed on her, and she was not ready for that. I also knew that because Queen Clarisse was not always living in the real world in those days, she'd be totally oblivious to that fact. I knew that she blindly assumed that becoming a royal princess was every girl's dream, and I knew that she would just blurt the truth out to Mia and expect her to be willing to go home and pack her bags and be ready to leave her entire life in America behind to move to Genovia and become royal overnight. When the poor kid declared, "I don't want to be a princess!" and took off running, to be perfectly honest, I didn't blame her one bit. Had I been in her shoes at that age, I would have done the exact same thing.

However, I also understood Queen Clarisse's perspective. She was carrying the weight of an entire country on her shoulders and she had to make sure that no matter what, Genovia did not wind up in the hands of the von Trokens. Although Queen Clarisse was only royal by marriage and not by blood, shortly before he died, King Rupert promoted her from a queen consort to a queen regent so that she could legally rule Genovia after his death for as long as she needed to until she felt their son was finally ready to take the throne. After the sudden, untimely death of Prince Philippe, though, her claim to the throne was considered by others, her political opponents in particular, to be a weak claim at best. The only thing that could have truly strengthened her claim to the throne and prevented the von Trokens from taking over would have been for another Renaldi heir to come forward, for _Mia _to come forward, accept her title, and declare her intentions to one day rule Genovia when she came of age. She had the welfare of an entire nation to think about, so I did understand why Queen Clarisse attempted to move things along with her granddaughter so quickly.

But even though getting Mia to accept her title was imperative for Genovia, there were other things at stake too, like the grandmother/granddaughter relationship between them that was obviously badly in need of repair. Unfortunately, Queen Clarisse was so intently focused on being a queen that the thought of being a true grandma to then Princess Mia was, in the beginning, the farthest thing from her mind. She was so (understandably) worried about her country's future that Mia and her feelings got lost in the shuffle.

Later that evening, several hours after Queen Clarisse and Mia first met, I found her out in the conservatory spraying the flowers, which was something she sometimes did whenever she was feeling angry and frustrated and needed to calm herself down. She didn't even say hello to me when I first walked in, which I knew was a bad sign.

"Good evening, Your Majesty," I said quietly.

After letting out a long sigh, she responded, "Good evening, Charlotte. The condition of the conservatory and the flowers are acceptable now, but the outside garden is still a mess." Queen Clarisse had been deeply annoyed at the unkempt state of the conservatory and garden when we first arrived two days before, and that was an understatement.

"I've already had a long talk with the new landscapers about it. They're going to begin working on fixing up the garden first thing tomorrow morning."

"Good. At least _some _messes can be cleaned up in this world. Unfortunately, that can't always be said for some situations."

"I'm guessing that you're referring to the Princess?"

"Hmph!" she scoffed. "Princess, indeed! Charlotte, did you see her hair? Her eyebrows? Ridiculous! That girl's an even bigger mess than the outside garden. And what's worse, she's got absolutely nothing going for her. Her manners are coarse. She's hopelessly awkward. She hasn't got a single ounce of poise. Her looks and her mannerisms are downright dreadful. And _this_ is Genovia's only hope against the rule of the von Trokens. Incredible," she scoffed again as she shook her head in disgust.

"Well, Your Majesty, forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds by saying this, but you just might be jumping the gun a little. You only just met her. I do understand the threat that the von Trokens pose to our country and I understand that time is of the essence, but perhaps you ought to try taking things a little slower with her and get to know her a little better before you make any judgments about her. You never know. In the end, she just might surprise you."

Again she shook her head, and she told me, "If I were only here as a grandmother, perhaps I could, but as a queen, taking things slowly is a luxury I don't have. If I'm going to stay on the throne and prevent the von Trokens from taking over, then our country needs a Renaldi heir and it needs one _now_. I need someone poised and confident to be the person who takes my place someday. I need someone who won't make a fool of herself in social situations. I need someone who actually brushes her hair! How can someone who can't even be trusted to brush her own hair _possibly _be trusted with ruling a country someday?! And to make matters worse, this dreadful girl is my only option and she's made it quite clear that she does _not _want anything to do with any of this. Hmph! What a mess this whole thing has turned out to be."

Queen Clarisse let out another big sigh of frustration, and then she went back to spraying the flowers. I could see it that she was still fuming inside and that she wasn't in the mood for talking about it further, so I quietly slipped out of the conservatory and left her alone with her thoughts.

Several days later, I had a similar conversation with then Princess Mia not long after she'd gotten her big makeover from Paolo. She'd arrived early for her "princess lessons" from Queen Clarisse that day, and Queen Clarisse was actually the one who was late because of a meeting with a diplomat that had taken longer than expected. I could tell when I saw her sitting on the couch waiting for her grandmother that she was having a hard day, and since I had a little time on my hands at the moment, I decided to have a talk with her and make sure she was okay.

"Good afternoon, Your Highness," I said as I sat down next to her on the couch. "Rough day?"

Mia looked at me then and gave me a sad smile and responded, "Lonely day. But it's no big deal. I'll be alright. Thanks for asking."

"Of course."

"You don't have to call me 'Your Highness,' by the way. As a matter of fact, I'd really prefer it if you'd just call me 'Mia.'"

It really touched my heart that the young princess was so sweet and down to earth that she actually wanted me to be on a first-name basis with her, and I smiled. "That's really sweet, Your Highness," I told her, "but protocol doesn't allow it. Whether or not you take the job, as the daughter of Prince Philippe and the granddaughter of King Rupert and Queen Clarisse, you're still a Genovian princess by birth. It would be seen as a sign of disrespect to both you and the Queen if I went around calling you by your first name."

"Joe said the same thing the other day when I told him he didn't have to call me 'Miss Mia.' I guess I'm just still pretty uncomfortable with this whole princess thing."

"Well, that's understandable. We _are _talking about having you change nearly everything about your entire life. Of course it's a difficult adjustment to make in such a short period of time. Frankly, it is pretty unfair for you to have to go through such a huge change in your life in so little time. On top of that, I can really sense it that you're a private person, so for somebody like you, it's going to be doubly hard having to give your privacy up. There's no doubt about it. It is a big sacrifice to make."

"No kidding. Don't believe that being a princess is this great big wonderful dream come true, Charlotte. That's a myth. It's not a dream. It's a nightmare. One long, endless, lonely nightmare."

"Why do you feel so lonely?"

"Because nobody, _nobody_, understands how I feel. Mom doesn't get it that lying to me about my royal heritage for my entire life is a pretty big betrayal of my trust. If she could lie to me about something as important as that, how can I trust her about anything else? And to my long-lost grandmother, it always feels like I am nothing more than a pawn in her own political agenda. It doesn't feel like for a minute that she's actually my grandma, and you know, it would be kind of nice to have a real grandma in my life who is loving and encouraging and someone I could actually talk to. With Queen Clarisse, it's nothing but worries. I always have to worry about not disappointing her, which I always seem to do during princess lessons anyway no matter how hard I try to get it right. Our relationship is nothing but a performance I always have to get right but can't and who wants a relationship like that in their life? And this morning when my best friend Lilly saw my makeover, she really ripped into me about it. I went ahead and explained it to her that I was actually born a princess and everything and she knows she has to keep it a secret, and then she couldn't stop going on about how excited she was about having a princess come on her cable show, but I still get the sense from her that she kind of resents the fact that I have the chance to officially become a princess and she doesn't. So in a nutshell, I have a mom I can't trust, the most intimidating grandmother in human history, and a best friend who I think secretly resents me for my royal bloodline. Is it any wonder I'm lonely?"

I gave her an understanding smile and shook my head and said, "No, it's no wonder at all that you feel that way. I'd feel pretty lonely, too. Being a royal is sometimes an extremely lonely job, but you're not alone in this, even though I know it feels that way. I can't speak for your mother because I don't know her, but from what all I've heard about her, she seems like a lady who's as sweet as her daughter," I said as I touched her chin, and she smiled. "I believe it's a mother's strongest instinct to always, _always _protect her child and from what I've heard about your mother, I really don't believe that she ever meant to betray your trust by lying to you," I continued. "I think that she simply didn't want you to grow up with the news media watching your every move. I'm sure that all she wanted was to do what she thought was best for you.

"When it comes to Her Majesty, unfortunately, you are right to some extent. I know that she makes little effort to act like a real grandma to you when the two of you spend time together during your lessons. I know that when she's with you, she's always the Queen and never Grandma. Speaking as someone who's lived with her for several years now, I am also well aware of how intimidating she can be sometimes. Queen Clarisse Renaldi is a force to be reckoned with. There's no doubt about it. And I completely understand why you would feel like you were nothing more than a political pawn for her to use. I know that's how she can behave a lot of the time, but underneath it all, she really is a compassionate person and she truly does care for you, even if she doesn't show it the way a grandma should. It's just that as Queen, she knows that it could be bad for Genovia if the von Trokens wind up with the crown, and she so badly wants for the country she loves to end up in good hands."

"Lots of luck with that. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a loser."

"Who says you're a loser?"

"The kids in my school. Paolo. You heard the way he kept making fun of me yesterday." That creep Paolo had given no thought whatsoever to the string of disrespectful, uncalled for insults he'd fired at then Princess Mia during her makeover. To him, he was just rattling off his _stupid _thoughts. But as someone who'd been bullied throughout school herself, I well understood what insults like that could do to a person like Mia inside.

"_Do not _pay any attention to Paolo. _Paolo is a pig_," I told her, and I meant it with all my heart. "He is nothing but a stupid, mean-spirited, insensitive, overbearing _pig. _I honestly don't understand why Queen Clarisse puts up with him. And the kids who are mean to you in school only do it because they're too childish and immature to be able to recognize a special soul when they see one. All those immature jerks may say mean things about you, but you've heard the old saying, 'Consider the source,' haven't you?"

Again she smiled and quietly answered, "Yeah."

"_I _say that you are a sweet, thoughtful, intelligent, special, _beautiful _young lady, and I believe in you. I know that you have the potential to be a great princess and a great queen someday. And even though you may have times when you feel you're alone, don't ever forget that you're not. I'm here, and so is Joe and your mother, and your grandmother, in her own way. And I will always be here for you whenever you need a listening ear if you'll let me, okay?"

Mia gave me the biggest hug thing and said, "Thank you so much, Charlotte. You're the best."

"You're so sweet, honey," I responded, and then the embrace ended. A couple of moments later, Queen Clarisse came into the room and Mia's lessons for the day began.

Eight years later after Queen Clarisse used her gift with Queen Mia for the very first time, the confessions I heard from both of them then were a complete one-eighty from the ones in the beginning. On that unforgettable night at about one in the morning, I found Queen Clarisse sitting alone at her former desk, crying her eyes out in the dark. When I flipped on the lights, she actually didn't say anything to me. She just continued sobbing her heart out. To say the least, I was immediately alarmed by her reaction. I knew something had to be wrong, _terribly wrong_, in order for her to not at least try to compose herself in my presence. She was _never _the kind of person who openly cried or displayed her emotions in front of others, not even her friends.

I instantly rushed to her side and knelt in front of her and asked, "Your Majesty, what is it? What's wrong? Are you ill?"

She shook her head, and in another moment after she'd calmed herself down enough to speak, she answered, "I'm not _physically _ill, Charlotte. But I am ill, extremely ill, at myself."

"Why?"

"It…well, it's a long story."

I pulled up a chair and sat down in front of her then and I told her, "I've got the time."

"You know about the gift I have, right?"

"The gift of prophecy. Yes, you and Pierre have talked to me about it before."

"I used my gift with Mia for the first time a few hours ago. God literally opened up her mind to me, and what I saw…" Queen Clarisse said and then she let the sentence trail, and a moment later, she was in tears once again.

"You saw her being tortured during her attack?" I guessed, but she shook her head.

"Not the attack, Charlotte."

"What was it?"

After letting out another sob, she said, "Oh Charlotte, she was raped. She was raped when she was a little girl."

"_Oh, no,_" I gasped in horror.

"That's the reason she's always struggled so with her self-confidence. It's also the reason behind so many other things. It's why she gets so anxious that she becomes clumsy. It's why she neglected her appearance in the beginning. It's even the reason why making speeches used to make her sick."

She then explained the whole story to me, and then we held onto each other and openly cried together.

"What she went through," she gasped while she cried. "Oh Charlotte, I had no idea. I had _no idea _what it was truly like to go through something like that; what that could really do to a person inside. I also had no clue what it did to her not having her father there. I'd always _thought _I understood, but until I experienced it from Mia's perspective for myself, I really didn't. All these years, I've been such a fool."

"No," I said lovingly.

"All these years, I haven't had the slightest clue about all the inner-battles she's been fighting on a daily basis that she's kept to herself. I remember what I was like that evening after our first meeting; how judgmental, how grossly unfair I was. I remember those stupid cracks I made about her not brushing her hair. The first moment I saw my little girl, I didn't love her, Charlotte. I just wrote her off in my mind as being careless and lazy about her appearance, and because her appearance wasn't perfect, I instantly decided that I didn't like her. And the entire time, she was neglecting her appearance not because she was lazy or careless, but because she was a scared little girl. And without even realizing it, a small part of me has _still _been looking down on her because of her clumsiness and occasional lack of poise or whenever she made a mistake. I didn't even realize it until now, but all this time, there's always been this tiny little part of me inside that thought I was so much better than Mia because I was more poised and graceful. _How could I_, Charlotte? How could I look down on her like that? _How dare I?_"

"You didn't know," I told her gently.

"But does that give me the right to go around thinking that I'm better than my granddaughter? Does that give me the right to be such a judgmental snob? To hurt my precious girl by making her think that she can never be good enough to please me? _No._ And by doing that to her, I only made things _so _much harder for her.

"But did she ever once resent me for all the extra unfair burdens I laid on her shoulders? Did she ever hate me for it, or even _once _get angry at me for it? No. She just became more determined to try to live up to my expectations. She carried all these unspeakable horrors, so much pain, without saying a word. Oh, it was incredible, seeing it in her mind, how brave and strong she was, every single day. No matter how hard it was for her or how much pain she was in, she kept going, even in times when the pain got so bad that she _literally _wanted to die. And when she came to the palace, she kept right on pushing through all that pain that both others and _I _had caused her and she kept right on going as best she could and she became our Queen. And that remarkable, quiet strength of hers has never truly been seen or understood by anyone before tonight, least of all me. Well, I see it now. I understand it now."

"Please, Your Majesty, don't be so hard on yourself. It is true that you've made a lot of mistakes in your relationship with Queen Mia, but so much of it was never truly your fault. I know that you have always loved her. Always. You just couldn't afford to allow yourself to feel the pain of not being able to have her in your life because you had a country to run and you couldn't get bogged down in all that sorrow, so you shut down your feelings for her. It may not have been right that you were the Queen rather than Grandma when you and Queen Mia first met, but it _is _understandable. You are only human, you know. You cannot be expected to do everything right all the time.

"And maybe you have been rather snobbish through the years, but for your generation, it was part of the job description for a royal to be a snob." We both had a little laugh at that. "That was the kind of attitude people expected of royals. It was the attitude you were trained to have your entire life.

"I personally believe that the job of being a royal is something that is relentlessly ruthless. It just devours everything in your life. It puts your safety at risk. It destroys your privacy. It makes it unbelievably difficult to have real relationships with your family members. It is something that is absolutely cruel, and you chose to take that cruelty on at just nineteen years of age out of the goodness of your heart, because you cared about the Genovian people and you wanted to make a difference.

"I think that when you first met Queen Mia, you were in a very bad situation with the recent deaths of King Rupert and Prince Philippe, and I think that even though you made some big mistakes in the way you handled things with Queen Mia, you were in fact doing the best you could under extremely painful, difficult circumstances, as was she. I know you caused her a lot of pain, and I'm not at all trying to say that it's okay that you did, but I also know that you honestly never meant to hurt her.

"I think that now, it's time for you to stop beating yourself up for the things you did wrong. I think it's time for you to stop expecting total perfection out of yourself. And I _definitely _think it's time that you learned to forgive yourself when you make mistakes, even big ones. _Learn _from your mistakes. Don't waste time and energy hating yourself for making them. Making mistakes is something we _all _do whether we're royals or not."

Saying nothing, Queen Clarisse pulled me into a fervent hug.

The next day after Queen Mia was finished with her work, we also had a heart-to-heart discussion about what had happened between her and her grandmother the night before. After she'd finished having high tea with Lord Marshall and his wife in the palace garden, the Queen and I were standing alone together at the top of the palace steps outside.

"Charlotte, do you have a minute?" she asked me.

"Of course, Your Majesty."

In the next moment she had the guards move further away from us to give us some privacy, and then she said, "I need to talk to you. It's about Grandma."

"I think I have some idea of what this is about. I couldn't get to sleep last night so I got up and left my room, and I discovered your grandmother in your office crying. I hope you won't be upset that she told me everything, but she was just so devastated and I could tell she really needed to talk."

"No, I understand, and I'm not mad that you know. I don't think I have to tell you to keep it to yourself; that this is something I really want to remain private."

"Absolutely. I completely understand."

"Good."

"I don't think you have to worry too much about your grandma. I know how devastated she was and how angry she was at herself, but I think I got through to her."

"I'm really glad to hear that, but it's actually not about that. It's something else."

"What is it?"

"Just as Grandma was in my mind last night, I'm sure she explained it to you that I was in hers."

"Yes, she did."

"Now, for the first time, I truly understand what the loss of a child does to a parent. I understand what it really did to her inside when she lost my dad, and when she thought she was going to lose me. And I am really worried."

"Why?"

"Because after all my body's been through, it's not exactly in the best shape. You know that as well as I do. It is entirely possible that I could end up dying early in life, just like Mom and Dad did, and when I think about what that could do to Grandma and Joe, it just scares me to death."

Immediately, I put my hand on her upper arm and I looked her in the eye and told her, "Hey, that is _not _going to happen. God gave you back to us and we are going to hold on to you. You are not going to die for a very, _very _long time."

"You don't know that for certain, Charlotte. And if something happens to me someday, I need to know that Grandma and Joe will be alright; that they will always be taken care of. I need you to promise me that."

I instantly pulled her in my arms and told her, "_Of course _I will always take care of them. _Of course I will. _You have my word. You _never _have to worry about that."

"Thank you," she whispered, and then the embrace ended.

"You know, sweetheart, I have really gotten to know you and your grandmother very well during all these years we've spent together. And I just want to say that I do understand that everything has been so hard for you from day one. I know how hard it was to go from an ordinary girl to a royal princess practically overnight, and how hard it was for you to go from a princess to a queen in just thirty days. And I know that your grandmother hasn't always been as understanding as she should have been whenever you hit a bump in the road. I know that she can be quite a perfectionist, and I know that that only made everything else you were going through inside so much harder. But I promise you, she never, _ever _meant to do anything like that. She understands it all now, and she loves you so, _so _much."

"Oh, I know. I _totally _know. As unbelievable as I know this will sound, last night was actually one of the happiest nights of my life. Don't get me wrong. I'm not at all happy that Grandma was so devastated, and I certainly didn't enjoy reliving everything that I went through when I was little, but after all these years, it felt _so good _to have Grandma understand everything I've been through and give me so much recognition and respect for it," Mia said as tears came to her eyes. "She thinks that I was so brave when I was little."

"_You were. _You were _remarkably _brave and strong, honey. You were absolutely _incredible _to come through that without telling anyone, and to go on to become such an amazing princess and queen on top of that? _Extraordinary. _It's just that your strength has always been a quiet strength, and quiet strength is a lot harder to notice, but sooner or later, it eventually is. "

"Well it feels good to have it noticed now. And it also feels good, _amazingly _good, to not have to worry about living up to her expectations anymore."

"I'll bet it does."

"You know Charlotte, I always knew that Grandma loved me and that Mom loved me, but until last night, I honestly had no clue just how deeply a mother's love or a grandmother's love really ran. I never felt more loved in my whole life than when I experienced it in Grandma's mind for myself last night. It was _unbelievable._"

I smiled and said, "I'm so happy for you. You deserve every bit of all this happiness and recognition and love you're feeling. You have _more _than earned it."

"Thank you," she said as she hugged me again.

In that next moment, Joseph walked outside and he must have noticed how choked up we both were because he asked, "Are you ladies alright?"

We ended the embrace then and Mia answered, "We're fine, Joe. Thanks for asking. How are you?"

"I've had better days," he answered in a low, hoarse voice, and it was then that I put two and two together. Queen Clarisse had obviously told Joseph about everything Queen Mia had gone through, and he had clearly spent a lot of time crying recently.

"Aw, Joe, what's the matter?" Queen Mia asked him lovingly, but then as their eyes locked in the next moment, she knew. "Grandma told you everything, didn't she?"

"She didn't just tell me. She showed me."

"She used her gift with you?"

"Yeah," he gasped.

"Oh, Joe," Queen Mia said softly, and then she gave him a big hug.

A moment later when the hug was over, Joseph looked her in the eye and told her, "No one is _ever _going to hurt you again. Do you hear me?"

"Of course I do. I know that you've weeded out all the guards who were working for Mabrey, and I know how much you and everybody else on the security staff care about my safety. I know that I am perfectly safe now, especially with you in charge again."

This time, Joe pulled the Queen into a big hug, and he kissed the top of her head and whispered, "You've been through so much, my sweet girl. Too much."

"It's okay now. It's okay."

"I'd take it all for you in a heartbeat if I could," Joe whispered.

"I know you would. I know."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

I realized in that moment that I really ought to leave and give them some privacy, so I left them outside and walked into the palace.

* * *

When Queen Mia had her second round of testing done, the official story was that all of her specialists had returned to the palace because she wanted to meet with them to discuss preparations for a royal charity ball for the hospital, but unofficially, everyone had their worries and their suspicions. I was the only one who knew the truth, and of course, the Queen had already sworn me to secrecy so when others asked me questions, I couldn't honestly answer them.

Queen Mia went through with all their rounds of tests and procedures that day, and to say that Pierre and I waited anxiously for the results was putting it mildly. Even though Christians weren't supposed to worry, we couldn't help but be worried about what was happening with Mia. When she didn't call me up to her suite to discuss the results, and when several more specialists showed up at the palace over the following week to run more tests, I was truly scared.

Finally, Queen Mia sent for me one morning, asking me to meet her in her office. When I walked inside, I didn't say a word. I didn't have to. She could see the questions written all over my face. We knew each other so well by now that she didn't have to say a word either to answer. She locked her gaze with mine, and I could see the pain in her eyes. In the next moment, she merely shook her head, and I knew exactly what that meant: my sweet little friend and niece of all these years, and my dear Queen, was dying.

I wanted to be strong for her, but as it really began to hit me, I couldn't help but break down into sobs. Queen Mia silently, graciously took me in my arms and held me close while my body shook with sobbing.

A couple of seconds later, Queen Clarisse walked in with Joseph.

"What's going on in here? Charlotte, what on earth is it?" Queen Clarisse asked me with concern as I ended the embrace and started wiping my tears. "Mia, what's wrong?"

"I just gave Charlotte some very bad news," Mia said solemnly. "News that I have to tell the two of you as well. Maybe we should all sit down together first."

Queen Clarisse instantly shook her head and told her granddaughter, "No. No, whatever it is, just say it right now, right here." In that moment, I sensed it from her that she already knew by instinct what Mia was going to say and that she was deeply afraid. I think that part of her actually wanted Mia to just drop the bombshell and get it over with.

"Okay," Mia said in an emotional whisper. "Last week during my routine checkup, all my doctors told me that my latest test results weren't looking very good. In a nutshell, my latest tests showed that my heart…is now completely failing, and it won't be long before my lungs and kidneys fail as well." The instant she said that, I immediately saw the panic in Queen Clarisse's eyes, and the devastation in Joseph's.

"What does this mean, exactly?" Queen Clarisse asked. "Are they saying that you need a heart transplant? New medication?"

Mia shook her head and replied, "No. As you'll both recall, my drowning did a real number on many of my organs, so because they're in such bad shape, even with a new heart, I still wouldn't survive very long. Mommy, Daddy, I am so, _so _sorry to have to tell you this. I know how much it hurts to hear me say it, but the truth is, I…I'm dying."

Queen Clarisse immediately walked up to Queen Mia and wrapped her arms around her and said, "No. No. No. No. Now you listen to me. We will find other doctors, other specialists–"

"Grandma, the specialists who have been overseeing my care all this time are literally the best people in the world," Mia said after the long hug was over. "They ran all their tests on me a second time, and then I had a bunch of other doctors come out here to the palace to do tests of their own. That's what all those other doctors were doing here. There was no hospital charity ball that we were planning. And they all agreed with the diagnosis. Believe me, I would _not _be telling you and Daddy something like this if I weren't completely certain. I know you don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it either, but the truth is, after all these years, my body is finally breaking down."

"I will not accept that," Queen Clarisse said in a low emotional voice while I silently wept and Joseph visibly fought off tears of his own. "_I will never accept that._"

Tears came to Mia's eyes then as she told Queen Clarisse, "Grandma, you have to listen to me now. You have to understand. My body has gone as far as it can go. _I _have gone as far as I can go. I wish it weren't true, but it is."

"No, I will _not _give up on you, and I will not allow you to give up on yourself. I don't care what those doctors have told you. We'll find other doctors, better doctors. I will go to the ends of the earth if I have to, but _I will _find a doctor somehow, somewhere who can help you. I have power and influence, and I will use every ounce of it. I have money, and I will spend every cent of it if that's what it takes to help you."

"Grandma, I know it really hurts, but you have to face reality."

"You're not talking about facing reality. You're talking about giving up because you're tired. After all your body has been through, I completely understand your exhaustion. I don't blame you for wanting to quit, but I won't. _I can't. _I'm going to go right now and have one of the secretaries make some calls. _I will _find some way to help you." Queen Clarisse then walked out of Queen Mia's office, and Queen Mia slowly sank down into her desk chair and put her head in her hands.

In that next moment, Joseph walked over to her and knelt down in front of her, paying no attention to his knee replacement.

"I'm so worried about her, Daddy," Queen Mia sighed.

"You don't have to worry about Mommy, _mija_. I'll help her. Charlotte and Pierre and I will always be there to take care of her. I know how hard it will be, but we'll make sure she's alright."

"Thank you."

"And I want you to know that she didn't mean what she said about you giving up."

"No, I know. She loves me so much that she's fighting what's happening to me with all she's got inside her because she can't stand the pain of facing it now. I get it. I just wish I could make it easier for her somehow."

I came around the desk then and said, "Joe's right, sweetheart. You don't have to worry about your grandma. We're all going to everything we can to help her through this. And I _will _be there for her just like I promised you I would. Now's the time to concentrate on yourself."

"Charlotte's right, my dear. Is there anything I can do to help you right now?"

Mia gave him a sad smile and answered, "You're doing it. You're here." The moment she said that, they reached out and held onto each other and began cry together.

"Oh, my precious girl," Joe said through his tears. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Mia said as she continued to cry. And as they cried together, I couldn't help but cry with them, and cry I did, for the longest time.


	19. It Was an Excuse

**Note to readers:** Once again, I sincerely apologize for the big delay. My failing laptop finally gave out on me and it took me a little while before I was able to get a new one, which is one of the reasons why it took me so long. I must continually ask for your patience, though, because a _tremendous_ amount of effort goes into the making of these chapters and they cannot be completed overnight. It does take a while sometimes, so please be understanding of that. I also want to warn everyone that things will get _very_ heated and intense in this chapter and because of that, the language will get a little strong, so be prepared. After all, please keep in mind that while this fanfiction story _is _based on characters from a Walt Disney movie, _Quiet Strength _is _not _a story about Walt Disney subject matter. This is _not _a story for the faint of heart, obviously, and this is definitely not a chapter for the faint of heart, either, so please keep that in mind before you decide whether or not to proceed. **Thank you all so much **for your ongoing support. It is appreciated. Encouragement is **always **very helpful to me. :)

**Chapter Nineteen**

_Lilly_

When I went to the palace to visit Mia in the middle of November, I already knew how ill she was, of course, so I naturally expected her to be lying down resting somewhere in her suite. I halfway expected her to be unconscious and sucking on oxygen because I knew all too well how badly her health had deteriorated since her latest bout with pneumonia three months ago. The _last _thing I expected was to walk into her suite and find her holding a plunger, unclogging the toilet in her bathroom!

"Oh, my gosh! Mia! What the heck do you think you're doing?!" I asked her.

Mia laughed and answered, "Nothing, Lilly. Just being the mommy of a four-year-old. That's all."

"I don't understand."

"Just before Rosie went downstairs to do some mattress surfing with Claire and Lionel on Grandfather Rupert's big slide that Lionel set up for them to play on today, she announced to me that her stuffed cat, Mr. Whiskers, wanted to go for a swim so she flushed him down the toilet. After I took a few minutes to explain to Rosie that she must never do anything like that again because all toys and stuffed animals, and stuffed cats in particular, have a huge fear of the water," she said and I laughed, "I got out the plunger and embarked on a fishing expedition."

"Mia, I may not be as well-versed on matters of royal etiquette as your grandmother is, but even I know that _queens do not unclog toilets!_ Get the maids in here to do that for heaven's sake!" I told Mia as she continued to wheeze while using the plunger.

"There he is," Mia said in the next moment, and when I looked for myself, sure enough, I saw that Mia had successfully pulled him back into full view inside the toilet bowl with the plunger. The only thing that remained was the gross task of reaching inside and pulling him out. In the next instant when Mia started rolling up her sleeve, of course, I stopped her.

"Mia, you are _not _reaching inside that toilet bowl with your bare hand!" I cried out.

"Oh come on, Lilly. It's not _that _big of a deal. Parents have to do this all the time. I know I'm not the first mother of a small child who's had to get a stuffed animal out of a toilet. You had to do this sort of thing too when Josh and Lucas were this age."

"Yeah, but that's different. If I were a queen with a palace full of servants like you, I'd get one of them in here in a heartbeat. And besides, I'm not–" I started to say, but then I stopped myself.

Mia looked me straight in the eye then and said, "You're not what? You're not dying? Is that what you were going to say?" I stared down at my feet in that moment because I couldn't bring myself to look at her. "It's alright, Lilly. You can say the words. I'm dying. You know it and so do I. You don't have to be afraid to say it out loud." In those seconds, I was fighting as hard as I could to keep from breaking down into tears in front of her, and I kept looking down because I knew that if I looked into her eyes, I'd probably start to cry.

"And I know what you're thinking," she continued. "You're thinking that because I'm as sick as I am, I shouldn't be doing things like unclogging toilets; that I should be spending all my time lying in bed, making Lionel and Brigitte and Brigitta wait on me hand and foot."

"Well isn't that supposed to be how it works…you know, when you're dying?" I asked after I'd gotten over my brief urge to cry, and Mia smiled.

"Not for me. When Lionel and I first learned that I was dying, we spent a couple of days crying and grieving, and then we told the girls and we also cried and grieved together with them for a good long while. And then Lionel and I talked about it, and we decided that we did not want to spend the time I had left grieving my death _before_ I died. In a few months, or possibly even just a few weeks, I'll be dead, but I'm here _now _and I'm alive _now_. And what I need the most in the here and now is to do exactly that: _be alive. _I need to _live_, Lilly. I need to laugh and smile and play and love my girls and my husband, and yes, I even need to fish Mr. Whiskers out of my bathroom toilet. I need to do as many things, even as many mundane things, as I can." In the moment she said that, I understood what she meant.

"You need to be as independent as possible for as long as possible."

"Exactly."

"I get it. I totally get it. I know I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. But I really think we ought to draw the line when it comes to you actually sticking your hand inside the toilet bowl to get Mr. Whiskers out. With you already being ill, coming into contact with toilet bowl germs could make you even sicker and if that happened, Queen Clarisse would have my head. She specifically told me to keep an eye on you while she and Joseph were away seeing all those different doctors about your case."

"I feel so awful for Grandma. I think all of this is actually even harder on her than it is on Lionel and the girls and me. Now that I'm a parent myself, I understand that there can't be any worse pain than the loss of a child. And in all these years that I've been struggling with all my health problems, Grandma's taken over as the mother in my life with Mom being gone and all, so in a way, she'll be losing another child as well as a grandchild when I die. It's really no wonder that she's making Joe take her to so many different doctors in different countries all over the world trying to find somebody, somewhere who'll give her a different diagnosis or some crazy kind of experimental treatment. It's no wonder she's having such a hard time accepting it. I'd be the same way if it were one of my children. What mother wouldn't be?"

"I think it actually runs deeper than her simply not wanting to accept your diagnosis. I think she's going to different doctors in different countries all over the world because in her mind, she needs to know that she did absolutely everything that she could do to help you before she finally begins to face the fact that you're dying. I think that she needs to know with complete certainty that she did not leave one single stone unturned."

"Yeah, knowing Grandma, you're probably right. I really wish that I could do something to help her with all of this somehow, but I think it's just something that she's going to have to come to terms with on her own. As much as I want to help her and make it easier for her, I don't think I can."

I put my arm around her shoulders then and said to her, "Hey, it's not your job to make this easier for us. It's up to _us _to do everything we can to make it easier for _you_. And I think I can start by hunting somebody down to fish Mr. Whiskers out of your toilet bowl because _you _are _not _doing it. I'm not taking any chances on you getting toilet bowl germs."

"Oh Lilly, I was about to take my morning shower anyway. I'll get him out, and then I'll wash all those icky toilet bowl germs right off me in the shower. I'll be fine."

"No, wait a minute. I have an idea. I'll just need a couple of toilet bowl wands."

"There should be some brand new ones with the rest of all the new housecleaning supplies in the hall closet. The housekeeping department of the palace went on a shopping spree recently."

"Okay. I'll be right back. Don't move," I told Mia as I walked out of her suite, and then I went to the closet and got the toilet bowl wands and returned with them. "We'll try and scoop him out with these," I explained to her after I'd walked back into the bathroom.

"Oh, good idea," Mia said, and then I handed her one toilet bowl wand, and then she got hers positioned underneath Mr. Whiskers and I did the same with mine, and after we got him balanced properly on our toilet bowl wands, we managed to carefully scoop him out of the toilet bowl and into the nearby waste basket together. "Yay! We did it!" Mia said after we successfully threw him out.

"So long, Mr. Whiskers."

"Poor cat. May he rest in peace like my Grandfather Rupert, I guess," Mia said with a sigh as she washed her hands at the sink. Then a moment later, I washed mine, and as I was washing my hands, Mia told me, "But don't _ever _let anybody use that phrase when they talk about me after I'm gone. Whenever people talk about my grandfather, they always say, 'King Rupert, may he rest in peace,' like the only thing in the world that matters about him is the fact that he's dead now. And on top of that, I do not believe for one minute that when people go to be with Jesus that they're 'resting in peace.' I believe with all my heart that the Lord has important work for us to do in heaven just like He has work for us to do here on earth. I am not just going to be lying around up in heaven resting or listening to angels playing harps all the time. I'm going to be doing important things up there. I don't know exactly what, but I know it's something that'll really matter, to God and to everyone. So if after I'm gone, anybody says, 'Queen Mia, may she rest in peace,' I'm counting on you to set them straight."

I gave Mia a smile and said, "You got it."

To say the least, I really, _really _admired Mia's attitude. She was handling her illness far better than I could have if I were in her position. Had it been me, I would have been scared, bitter, and very angry, and I probably would have been taking it out on all the poor souls around me. Mia, on the other hand, was handling it all with incredible dignity and grace. In short, she was handling it like a _queen_, like the true queen that she had become.

It was true, however, that as a queen, Mia had gotten off to a pretty shaky start. Like myself at the time, she too had been reckless and immature and she had made some pretty dumb decisions at times. In her final days as a princess just before she ascended the throne, she hadn't exactly behaved in a way that inspired confidence, and at the time, I wasn't always the best influence on her, either. We may have been twenty-one, but we still acted a lot like a couple of silly teenagers in those days. But things didn't stay that way for long, especially where Mia was concerned. Queen Clarisse still helped Mia immensely behind the scenes in the first year or so after she ascended the throne, constantly advising Mia and sharing her wisdom with her, and under her grandmother's guidance, Mia grew a very great deal as a queen. And there was no doubt about it that having the weight of an entire country suddenly thrust upon her shoulders really made Mia grow up at lightning speed. When Mia was twenty-one, she was a princess who was a sweet and caring but sometimes immature and irresponsible little girl. By the time she was twenty-two, though, she was a considerably smarter, wiser adult woman who _acted _like an adult woman, and more importantly, like a true ruler who was aware of the fact that even the smallest of her everyday actions could have a profound effect on the lives of others. It may have taken Mia some time to find her sea legs as a ruler, but when she did, she really took off running. And today, it was more than obvious that she was no longer the same immature little girl that she used to be. Today, she was a _very _wise and mature queen who inspired not only confidence but also the deepest respect of everyone she met.

But the accomplishment of becoming such a worthy queen had come at the worst possible price. Of course as her best friend, I was proud of Mia for all that she had accomplished as a queen, _deeply proud_. But the fact remained that back when we were younger, I did push Mia pretty hard to become a royal, and now, that is something I will always regret. As I said, Mia was not the only one of us who'd been immature and irresponsible, and sometimes just plain _stupid_, when we were younger. I had been as well. Due to my own foolishness in the past, I'd believed that I had known so much more than I actually did, and as the old saying goes, hindsight is twenty-twenty. If there was any one thing I'd realized as an adult, it was the fact that people and situations should never be judged at face value alone because you have no idea what could _really _be going on beneath the surface. That was a lesson both Queen Clarisse and I had had to learn the hard way.

* * *

When Mia was first attacked and in the hospital eight years ago, I witnessed something I was never able to forget. Mia's condition had improved enough to where she could breathe on her own without being on a ventilator, but she was still in the ICU and we still weren't sure if she was going to pull through. She was wearing an oxygen mask and she was hooked up to several IVs and monitors, and it was pretty obvious that she wasn't out of the woods yet. We were all still very worried about her.

One evening when I came to visit her after work, I saw that she was having what appeared to be a pretty deep conversation with Joseph, so I decided I would just stand in the doorway for a couple of minutes and wait before entering Mia's room in the ICU.

"Well, look who's awake," Joseph said to Mia with a tenderness I'd never seen in him before, and she looked up at him through her oxygen mask and smiled.

"I don't know how…but I think…I'm drunk."

Joseph put his hand on the top of her head in that moment and lovingly stroked her hair and told her, "It's nothing to worry about, baby girl. It's just the medication they're giving you for the pain right now. That's all."

"Oh. Okay," Mia whispered, and then there was a pause in the conversation for just a moment. Then she reached up with her uninjured hand and took off her mask and said, "I meant…what I told you before…you know. When you rescued me…I mean. All these years…you were the one man…who showed me what it could be like…to have a father in my life. Before you came along…I didn't know what a father's love…could really feel like. If I don't make it, I want you to know–"

"Shh," he quickly silenced her. "Don't say things like that, _mija_. I know that those scumbags hurt you very, very badly, but you _are _going to make it. You _are _going to be alright."

"S-say it again."

"You are going to be alright."

"No. _Mija_. Call me '_mija_' again."

When she said that, I had to fight to keep from crying because I understood better than anyone what was really happening in that moment: after so many years, Mia was _finally _finding the father she'd yearned for, needed, and deserved all along.

In that next moment, I could have sworn I saw a tiny tear in the corner of Joseph's eye as he leaned in a little closer to Mia and lovingly said, "_Mija_. I know I never really said it all these years like I should have, sweetheart, but I have always thought of you and loved you as a daughter. Always. I love you so much, and I always have. When I found you that night and I said all those things to you, I want you to know that I meant every word. Every word."

"I know," Mia said and then she yawned. Joseph then put Mia's oxygen mask back on her face for her.

"Go back to sleep, _mija_. It's alright. Daddy's right here," Joseph whispered, and then Mia answered with a small nod and closed her eyes once again.

I knew right then and there that I was going to have to take a break for a second, go off somewhere to compose myself and come back because I could _not _hold back my tears any longer. But before I even had the chance to, though, I heard someone behind me scoff and turn around and walk away. When I turned around myself to see who it was, I was quite surprised to learn that the angry scoffer behind me was actually Queen Clarisse.

"What is it, Your Majesty? What's the matter?" I asked her after I'd taken a quick moment to wipe my eyes.

"I don't know _what _Joseph thinks he's doing in there but this is something I will obviously have to put a stop to whenever I have a chance to talk to him alone."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't want this thing to go on any further. I don't want Joseph calling Mia '_mija_' and I don't want her calling Joseph 'Daddy.' _Philippe _is Mia's father and I don't want her to forget that."

Under _normal _circumstances, I _never _would have done what I did that day. Unlike a lot of people in today's generation of kids, _I_ was actually raised to treat my elders with respect. On top of that, Queen Clarisse Renaldi was not simply a woman who was older than me. She was the Dowager Queen of Genovia and my best friend's grandmother. Had my emotions not been running so high because of how scared I was that we might lose Mia, again, I _never _would have done what I did next. Although I'd always been a person who embraced rather than feared confrontation, ordinarily, not even someone as bold as _I _was would _dare _to be as blunt with her as I was in that next moment. But when she made that remark about wanting to "put a stop" to what was happening between Mia and Joseph and I saw that she was _stupidly _going to try to take away the father/daughter relationship Mia had needed _so _very badly her entire life and was just _beginning_ to find, something in me just snapped. And in the following seconds, I decided that I was going to tell Clarisse Renaldi _exactly _what I'd always thought of her and her son for abandoning Mia the way they did when she was a kid.

"I don't want to be disrespectful, Your Majesty, but I won't lie or sugarcoat it either. The cold, hard fact is, Prince Philippe was _never _a father to Mia. His sperm may have been involved in creating her, but there is a _world _of difference between a father who is actually _there _for his child and a guy who is merely a sperm donor. What Joseph is doing in that room, sitting at Mia's bedside, holding her hand, _being there for her when she needs a parent the most_, _that _is being a father, _not _being thousands of miles away all the time, only thinking about Mia once a year when it was time to send her another birthday present. Face it. Prince Philippe was Mia's sperm donor, nothing more. _Joseph _is the man who has truly been a father to Mia in her life. I'm sorry, but you can't have the title of 'Mother' or 'Father' if you're never actually _there _for your child. Just like you have to earn the title of 'Doctor' by completing medical school and working several years as a resident in a hospital somewhere, you _also_ have to _earn_ the title of 'Mother' or 'Father' by being there for your child every day. You can be born with the title of 'Prince' like Prince Philippe was, but the title of 'Father' is something that has to be earned and he never did."

"That is _incredibly _unfair!" she raged at me, and I could see it that I was really starting to get under her skin and make her angry, but I didn't care because after all the _years _of emotional agony hers and King Rupert's and Prince Philippe's absence had caused Mia that I had personally watched her go through, _I was angry too. _"Philippe had little choice in the matter," the Queen continued. "When Mia was only a couple of months old, Pierre finally renounced his royal title to begin studying for the priesthood as he'd been threatening to do for years, and that forced Philippe's hand. He had to make a decision about his future immediately and he couldn't stall any longer. And had he chosen to stay in California with Helen and Mia like he wanted to do at the time, he would have been handing our country over to Baron and Baroness von Troken on a silver platter, and that was not an option. He had to do what was best for Genovia. Helen had made her feelings about the subject perfectly clear. She did _not _want to follow her husband back to Genovia and live her life as a royal. She wanted to stay in San Francisco, pursue her career as an artist, and give her daughter a normal, happy childhood. In the end, Philippe, Rupert, and I had no choice but to respect Helen's wishes. After all, she was Mia's mother. There was nothing Philippe or Rupert or I could do."

"You may not be aware of this, but with me having the kick-butt, no-nonsense kind of personality that I have, I'm equipped with a built-in B.S. detector, and after listening to what you just had to say, mine just went off the scales," I argued. "Every word you just spouted is nothing but a royal load of bull! I might have bought that whole explanation when you first came into our lives when Mia and I were a couple of sixteen-year-olds, but not anymore. You just tell yourself that whole bit about how you and King Rupert and Prince Philippe were doing your royal duty in order to soothe your conscience whenever it's bothering you about what you guys did to Mia."

"My conscience has _never _needed soothing, young lady," she said to me, as if calling me "young lady" would be enough to make me feel intimidated by her age and her royal status. It wasn't enough, not by a longshot. "Yes, it is true that the decision we made to stay out of Mia's life did cause her some pain, but she understands everything now. She knows why we had to do what we did and she has long since gotten over it. And besides, Lilly, you're acting as if Mia's the only person to ever come from a single-parent household. _Lots _of people have to grow up without their fathers or without their mothers. It's not all that earth-shaking."

"_Are you really that stupid?!_" I yelled at her then without an ounce of regret, because if she honestly believed that the way she and her son had broken Mia's heart the first sixteen years of her life could just be brushed off like that as if it were no big deal, then Clarisse _needed and deserved_ to be yelled at. "Please, _please _tell me that you are not _that _clueless and idiotic that you have actually convinced yourself that what you and your first husband and son did to Mia was no big deal! Maybe there are a whole lot of people who are raised by single parents, but that does _not _mean that getting abandoned by a parent is not one of the most _agonizing _things that could ever happen to a person, because _I promise you it is_.

"By never _once _hearing from her father," I went on to explain, "Mia grew up believing that he didn't love her or want her, and that in turn made her believe that if her own father could reject her like that, she must not be worth very much. I've seen it over the years, how much you look down through your nose on Mia because she's not always as poised and confident as you are, but that's _yours and Philippe's fault, not_ Mia's. It's _hard _to have poise and confidence when you have sixteen years of the most painful kind of human rejection possible to overcome. After watching Mia struggle with this horrible pain for most of her life, I can say from experience that there is no pain in the world like the pain of believing that one of your own parents doesn't love you. It's _still _hard for Mia to believe in herself today because of what you jerks put her through!

"And if you try and feed me that same old tired line about how you Renaldis were perfectly innocent little bystanders, just over here in Genovia doing your royal duty one more time, I will _literally _throw up all over you in the middle of this hospital because it _will _make me sick at my stomach! You think Mia and I don't know the _real _truth about what happened when her parents got divorced? You think we haven't heard the stories from all the guards and all the maids who lived with you guys at the time? Like Mia's told me herself many times before in the past, the maids really _do _know everything, you know. You may always claim that you personally had nothing to do with them getting a divorce, but my B.S. detector says otherwise.

"_Everybody _knows how furious you and King Rupert were at the thought of one of your high and mighty royal sons eloping with an American commoner. _Everyone _who worked in the palace at the time and _all _the guards who were with Prince Philippe when he was living in California know that the two of you were completely _outraged_ at him when he married Helen Thermopolis because she was a middle-class American girl and not some royal princess or noble lady or high society debutante. You guys _hated _Helen Thermopolis back then and _all _the people who were around you in those days know it. And they _also_ know how the two of you _constantly _hounded your son to end his marriage to Mia's mom from day one. And when you guys learned that they were expecting a child, that's when it all _really _hit the fan. When Mia's mom got pregnant with her, you two didn't exactly keep it a secret that the _last _thing you wanted was to have to deal with a Renaldi heir who wasn't completely of royal and noble blood.

"You just love to make the claim that Prince Philippe was _oh, so _virtuous and noble, sacrificing his relationships with Mia and her mom in order to protect Genovia from the von Trokens when it's obvious to _everyone_ who lived with you guys at the time that that's a load of crap. He did it because he was a spoiled, weak, selfish, cowardly little boy who was afraid of his mommy and daddy and _not _a real man. If Prince Philippe had been a real man, he would _not _have allowed the two of you to bully him into divorcing the woman he loved and abandoning his child. He would have stood up to the two of you and let you know that he was keeping his wife and daughter in his life whether you liked it or not, and he would have worked with Helen to come up with some kind of compromise; found _some _kind of way to allow her to keep her career and keep Mia protected from the press. I'm not saying it would have been easy, but had he _really _wanted to, he could have sat down with Helen and come up with some kind of solution to keep them together that they both would have been happy with. He was a _prince _for heaven's sake! With all the power and resources he had, he could have come up with _some _kind of way to protect Mia from the media and let her mother keep her career_. _But he didn't. He made _no attempt whatsoever _to fight for his family because at the end of the day, he was too pathetic and spineless to stand up to you and your husband. He wasn't making _sacrifices_ by throwing his relationships with Mia and her mother under the bus. He wasn't being noble. He wasn't putting his country first. He was being a weak coward who was merely hiding behind his royal duties, using them as an excuse to bail out on his responsibilities as a husband and a father because he didn't have the guts to stand up to the two of you. You can claim all day long that your son was being this brave, honorable prince, making all these sacrifices, doing his royal duty and putting his country first, but _I _say that doing his royal duty was _never _his reason for leaving Mia and her mom; it was his_ excuse _because he didn't have the _cojones _to stand up to you and fight for his family like a man."

In that next instant, Queen Clarisse slapped the taste right out of my mouth, and looking back on it today, I don't really blame her. I _was_ being pretty brutal in the things I was saying to her, and I know it was especially hateful of me to disrespect the memory of her late son like that, so I don't blame her all that much for responding the way she did. However, even though I knew how hard I was being on Queen Clarisse at the time, I didn't stop my verbal bombardment of her because as hurtful as it was of me, I knew it was high time for somebody, _anybody_, to _finally _call her out on all the pain she and Prince Philippe had caused Mia. Their abandonment had damaged Mia so much throughout her life, and _I was sick to death _of them always getting a pass on it just because they were royals. And on top of that, there was _no way _I was going to allow Queen Clarisse to try to put a stop to Mia _finally _finding the father/daughter relationship she'd always needed and yearned for. Royal or not, older person or not, enough was enough.

"The truth hurts, doesn't it?" I asked her angrily, not backing down an inch from the royal daggers she was shooting at me with her eyes. I knew she hated me for speaking the truth, _the real truth_, because it _definitely _hurt her pride, but I didn't care. Everyone around her had been too afraid of speaking the truth for _far _too long. For Mia's sake, I _wouldn't _be afraid any longer.

"You know _nothing _of the truth about what really happened, Lilly! _Nothing! _You have _absolutely no idea _how hard it is to be a royal!" she yelled at me, and I scoffed in response. "You have _no clue_ what Mia's father and her grandfather and I have gone through in our lives!"

"Being royal. That's always your excuse, isn't it? That's how you excuse your son abandoning his child all her life, _never even having a single conversation with her_, and that's also how you excuse your own snobbery against your granddaughter." The royal daggers _really _intensified when I said _that._

"Your Majesty, is everything alright over here?" one the guards interrupted. Obviously, when I'd made the Queen angry enough at me to actually slap me, that got their attention.

"Yes, thank you," she said as she started regaining her composure. "Everything is fine. Just leave us alone for a moment."

"As you wish, Your Majesty. Just let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you for your concern, but we're fine. Go back to your post."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, and then he left us and returned to his post like the Queen ordered.

"Lilly, you are less than half my age. _I do not_, in _any _way, shape, form, or fashion, have to justify or explain myself to _you_, but for the record, I will have you know that _I do _love my granddaughter and that I have _always _loved her, and so did Philippe."

"Yeah," I scoffed again. "You have a real fine way of showing it. Prince Philippe shows it by being a selfish coward and abandoning her, and _you _show it by deciding that you're going to try to take away an important source of healing for Mia just because you don't have the guts to face the truth about what you guys put her through. Well on Mia's behalf, I'm asking you to face it now. Because of your son's weakness and cowardice, Mia grew up crying herself to sleep many nights because she didn't have a father in her life. Because of him, and also because of King Rupert _and because of you_, I have seen her I don't know _how _many times staring at her father's picture when she was a kid, crying, asking him, 'Why don't you want me?'

"Since then, after you came back into Mia's life and you guys grew closer over the years, I thought you had changed. At first it was obvious what a snobbish bureaucrat you were; that you were just a cold politician who thought of her grandchild as nothing more than a pawn to be used for her own political gain, but after all these years, I thought you really had grown beyond that. I thought you had eventually come to love Mia for Mia and put aside your snobbery against her, but the way you're acting now only proves that I was wrong. You may care about your granddaughter, but at the end of the day, you care far more about yourself and what _you _want. Nothing's changed. Mia's still nothing more than a pawn for you to use. You don't really love her now, just like you never really loved her in the past."

"_Why in the world _are you so convinced that I only thought of Mia as a pawn for me to use? That I didn't really love her in the past?"

"Because if you had really loved her in the past, then when you came to San Francisco to meet Mia, _you would not _have just blurted out the truth that she was a princess and started trying to recruit her into becoming a royal. If you had _really _loved and cared about her then, then the first words out of your mouth when you guys first met would have been, 'Mia, I realize that your father, your grandfather, and I must have really hurt you by never contacting you before now, and I want you to know that I am _very _sorry for the pain we caused you. I know I really hurt you by never being there, but I want to be in your life now. If it's alright with you, I'd really like us to spend some time together and get to know each other. I want to start making up for all the time I wasn't there before, if I can.' But no. You didn't even _try _to accept _any _responsibility for the pain you guys caused her. It was immediately, 'I want to recruit you into being our Princess,' nothing more, because in the end, getting what you wanted out of Mia was the only thing you really cared about.

"Well congratulations, _Your Majesty_," I said in the most mocking tone possible. "Out of the goodness and kindness of your granddaughter's heart, you got what you wanted out of her. Despite the _despicable _way you and King Rupert and Prince Philippe treated her, she was still kind and gracious enough to do what you wanted her to do. You got your wish. You got your royal princess and eventually your queen." In that next second, I turned my head in the direction of Mia's ICU room and pointedly stared at it for a long moment. "And look where we are now."

"As I said before, _I do not _owe you any explanations for my actions. However, _I will _say that my only 'agenda' then and now is to make sure the country I love is well cared for. And while we're on the subject, do you honestly believe that _I_ am the _only _one of the two of us who had something to gain by Mia becoming a princess and later a queen? Being the best friend of the Queen of Genovia _certainly _never did _you or your career _any harm. You're one of the most prominent journalists in Genovia today, and through your journalism and your writing, you're able to live out your dream to be one of the most powerful activists in the world, and _who _do you think you have to thank for that? It's only thanks to _Mia and her royal position and her connections _that you're able to make your activism a career in the first place. Most activists have to do it only in their free time because they _can't _make a career of it like you have.

"And you think _I also _haven't heard stories from others about _your _past with Mia? You think I haven't heard? You think I didn't know how jealous you were of Mia in the beginning when she first found out that she was really a princess? You think _I _haven't heard about how _you also _pushed Mia into accepting her title? Tell me, Lilly. What were _your _motives for doing so? Were you even _thinking _of _Mia's _well-being at all when you told her all about how you wanted her to be a princess because then she would have the power to promote positive change in this world, or were you only thinking of yourself? Were you only thinking about how jealous you were of Mia because she had the kind of power that _you _could only _dream_ of having? When you got on her case to accept her title, were you thinking of Mia in the _slightest _way, or were you just selfishly hoping to live vicariously through her?" _Ouch! _Okay, _that _I did _not _see coming. But I didn't let the Queen's sudden, unexpected bombshell she threw at me deter me. For Mia's sake, _one way or another_, I was going to win this fight and make her grandmother begin to face the truth about what she and her son had done to Mia all her life so that she wouldn't try to block Joseph from being the father she needed now more than ever.

"You see, Queen Clarisse, this is the difference between you and me. _I'm _honest enough with myself to be able to admit it when I'm in the wrong about something, whereas _you _use your royal title and your pride and your denial to avoid facing hard facts about yourself and your son. I'll go right on ahead and admit it: _you're right _about _everything _you just said. I was so jealous of Mia in the beginning I could hardly see straight. And I _also _thought she was being so stupid and so selfish for not wanting to accept her title. I thought at first that it was grossly unfair for _Mia _to be the one to win the royal lottery and not me because I was convinced that with my drive and my determination to make a difference in the world, _I _would make a _far _better princess than someone whose main goal in life was to simply remain invisible. I never came right out and _told _Mia I thought she was being stupid and selfish for not wanting to become the Princess of Genovia, but I know she sensed it that I felt that way and I know that probably played a big role in her choice to accept her title.

"But you're forgetting one thing: _I was young at the time. _I was a teenager. I know that in our teens and our early twenties, Mia and I _both _acted pretty stupid from time to time. But here's the thing: when you're young, you have a _right _to be stupid sometimes because you're so inexperienced in the ways of the world. Today, I am a grown, mature woman, and so is Mia. I grew up, and so did she. Mia is _not _that same reckless young princess who snuck out on some dumb date with Nicholas Devereaux just before she was supposed to be getting married, and _I _am not that same angry, jealous young girl I used to be either. _Yes_, I do admit that it was unfair and stupid of me to be so jealous of Mia, and it was _also _unfair and stupid of me to try to push her into accepting her title when she didn't really feel ready to do so on her own. And _yes_, I _also _admit that I was indeed trying to live vicariously through Mia at the time and I wasn't really thinking about what was best for _her_. You are absolutely right. You nailed it. _But I've changed. _I'm no longer young and stupid, and _I _admitted my mistakes and stopped making them _a long time ago_. _You_ won't even _admit _to yours and King Rupert's and Prince Philippe's mistakes, and at _your _age, _you lost _your right to be stupid _decades ago!_"

Again the Queen scoffed, and she turned her head away from me and I knew that was her way of trying to say, "Lilly, I am officially refusing to listen to you now." But I wasn't done with her. Not yet.

"Look," I said in a little calmer voice this time, "I know I'm asking you to do something you don't want to do. I'm asking you to take a cold, hard, even _ruthless _look at yourself, your first husband, and your son, and at what all of you did to Mia, and I'm asking you to face a truth that is very painful to face."

"_I will not _go around saying that Philippe was nothing more than Mia's 'sperm donor'! _I will never _deny the fact that Philippe _is _Mia's father, no matter _what _you say, Lilly."

"Okay, let's say for just a moment that you're right. Let's say that the whole 'Prince Philippe was just over here doing his royal duty' thing really was his reason for never being in Mia's life and not merely his excuse. At the end of the day, that decision _still _left Mia wounded with a hole in her heart, and now, Joseph is the _perfect _man to fill that void and give her healing. Look at her," I said as I motioned towards the ICU window with my head. "Go on over there and take a good hard look at your granddaughter through that window right now. Look at how badly wounded she is. Are you _really _going to deny her a form of healing for at least _one _of her wounds, just to save your pride?"

I could tell by the look on her face in that instant that _that _got to her. Whether she liked it or not, I knew that now, she _had _to think about everything I said. And I knew it then that that was the best moment to leave the Queen with her thoughts, so I did exactly that. I left Queen Clarisse alone in the corridor while I hung out with Joseph and a peacefully sleeping Mia for about an hour or so. To say the least, I was very relieved that our big fight had not gotten loud enough to disturb Joseph or wake Mia. I was glad they missed out on our royal battle, although of course, they _did _hear about it from others later on. It was just one of those things that all the people in the Queen's life and in my life knew better than to ask us about, so the subject was never discussed by anyone again for an entire year.

Over the course of the next year, as Mia recovered and moved on with her life, Queen Clarisse and I moved on with our lives too, but during that time, things were never _really _the same between us. There weren't any more fights or unpleasant scenes between us, and thankfully nobody got slapped again. It was undeniable, though, that we _both _made a definite effort to avoid one another whenever I came to the palace to visit Mia, but when we did find ourselves in the same room together, we were always polite to each other. We had never officially made peace with each other, but for Mia's sake, we had a silent understanding between us that we would maintain a ceasefire.

But in November of 2008, that all changed. Mia and I were both going about our everyday lives as always when all of the sudden, one day several of Elise Kentworthy's minions managed to hack into one of the computers belonging to Mia's therapist and steal all the files that were pertaining to Mia's case. They were obviously nothing more than piranhas trying to find a juicy story to sink their teeth into, and unfortunately, after it all happened, Mia knew it was only going to be a matter of time before all of Genovia, and the world, knew about what had happened to her when she was nine years-old. Therefore, she decided to take the bull by the horns. If the whole world was going to find out her deepest, most painful secrets, she was determined to make sure it happened on _her _terms, _not _Elsie Kentworthy's. Mia called me over to the palace the very day her therapist's computer got broken into and she explained the situation, and she asked me if I would listen to her story and be the reporter to break the story first, ahead of Elsie Kentworthy, and naturally, I agreed.

Mia spent the rest of that day telling me everything, and _I _spent the rest of that day crying my eyes out. Then I went home and immediately got to work. I spent all night long writing and rewriting and revising and proofreading the article until I was finally satisfied with the end result, and then I published it in _The Pyrus Daily Post_, Genovia's biggest regular and online newspaper. And practically the very instant I published it on the Internet, there was both a national and international outpouring of support for Mia, which largely helped to diffuse the damage Elsie Kentworthy tried to do with her spin on things. Elsie tried to say that because of everything Mia went through and her troubled past, she wasn't psychologically fit to rule, but thankfully most Genovians recognized that for the load of bull that it was, and her popularity really plummeted soon after – so much so that she very nearly lost her morning talk show, _Eggs with Elsie_.

A couple of weeks later, after the whole situation had died down a little, I was hanging around in one of the palace sitting rooms waiting for Mia. Even though I didn't want to do it because I felt Mia's privacy had been invaded by the press enough, my bosses at the _Daily Post_ were pressuring me to do a follow-up story, so I had to conduct a second interview with Mia. Despite the fact that it was a Saturday, Mia was still busy in a meeting with diplomats from Spain and Portugal to discuss trading and other matters, so of course, I'd been shown into the sitting room and instructed to wait for her.

And while I was sitting on the couch waiting, Queen Clarisse surprised me by coming into the room. I knew she had to know I was there waiting for Mia, so I was pretty shocked that she would knowingly, willingly come into the same room I was in, without there being any other people around. I'd known perfectly well for the past year that the _last _thing that really either of us wanted was to be alone with each other again. However, as far as I was concerned, our ceasefire was still in effect so when the Queen came in, I got up from the couch and politely greeted her.

"Hello, Your Majesty," I told her.

For one long, unnerving moment, she locked her eyes with mine. Then finally, without further ado, she said to me, "It was an excuse, Lilly."

I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, so I responded, "I beg your pardon?"

"When we were having our big fight in the hospital last year and you asked if the whole story about Philippe doing his royal duty to Genovia was really his reason for his decision to not be in Mia's life or if it was merely his excuse. You were right. It wasn't a reason. It was an excuse. And I've used my own royal status as an excuse for things far too many times in my own life as well. I realize you've heard all the stories from the maids about what happened back when Mia's parents were first married, but you are not only one of Genovia's most prominent journalists; you are also a leading correspondent and reporter for the Genovian News Network on television. Shouldn't a top-notch reporter and activist like yourself get _every _person's side of the story before forming an opinion, including mine?"

I nodded and replied, "You're right. I should."

"Mia wanted to let you know that her meeting is running later than she'd anticipated, so we do have some time to talk if you'd care to sit down," the Queen said as she motioned towards the couch.

"Certainly," I said as we sat down together.

"To be perfectly honest with you, Lilly, you may not have been right about everything you said to me in our argument that day, but you _were _right about a great deal of it. I was too proud, too stubborn, to admit the truth to you that day, but when you told me that I was using my royal status as an excuse for my own snobbery against my granddaughter, you were absolutely right. And to my regret, the stories you heard about how hostile Rupert and I were towards Mia's mother in the beginning are mostly true.

"When Rupert and I first found out that our son had eloped with some local art student from San Francisco, we were both furious, and we were convinced that that middle-class American girl he married was simply using him to try and gain his wealth and royal status. It wasn't until later that we finally realized how in love they were with each other, but sadly by then, it was too late. But because we were so convinced that Helen Thermopolis was using and manipulating our son, we did try very hard to push – even intimidate – Philippe into getting the marriage annulled. But then a little while after they were married, we found out that Helen was pregnant with Mia, and when we learned she was pregnant, that's when it really hit the fan, as you put it, between us and Philippe and Helen. When we learned of Helen's pregnancy, Rupert and I just _knew _that Helen had gotten pregnant sometime before she'd eloped with Philippe and had used her pregnancy to try to force Philippe into marrying her. We sincerely believed that it had been Helen's plan all along, to seduce Philippe, get pregnant, and use her pregnancy to try to force her way into the Genovian Royal Family."

"Why were you and King Rupert so certain of that? You guys had never even _met _Mia's mother before."

"After all the plots and scheming for our crown Rupert and I had been through over the years, it had turned us into pretty suspicious people, even cynical people at times. Plus, our incredibly privileged background didn't exactly help matters. To put it bluntly, my first husband and I were both raised from birth to be a couple of real snobs. After spending our whole lives being taught that royal or noble blood was better than everybody else's, we naturally grew to have a lesser opinion of people who were common citizens. Of course we kept our snobbish arrogance hidden as best we could because we were also taught from birth to always be gracious and charming in every situation, but way, _way _deep down, that _is _basically how we felt because it was the way we'd been trained to think our whole lives. And in our crazy, snobbish, cynical brains at the time, we couldn't imagine that Helen Thermopolis was simply a creative, kindhearted young woman who had married our son because she loved him and for no other reason. We had foolishly convinced ourselves that there _had _to be some kind of plot or scheme behind it; some kind of ulterior motive.

"Of course, as Helen's pregnancy progressed, Rupert and I eventually _had _to concede the fact that Mia's conception did _not _take place until about six or seven weeks after Philippe and Helen eloped. Mia was born around eleven months after Philippe and Helen got married, so the math checked out. But still, the fact _did _remain that Rupert and I were _far _from thrilled with the idea of one of our sons being married to an average, middle-class American woman and having a child with her. Even though they had been married for a while when Mia came along, and Helen had shown no sign of being interested in our family's wealth, Rupert and I still weren't happy with the thought of having a commoner in the family and we didn't hesitate to let Philippe know it. I…I was a very different person back in those days, Lilly," Queen Clarisse admitted to me in a low, serious tone of voice. "I didn't admit this to Mia when I came back to San Francisco to reunite with her. I sugarcoated it, but that is the cold, hard, unpleasant truth.

"When Pierre finally did make good on all his threats to renounce his title in order to begin preparing for the priesthood," she continued, "that really brought everything to a head. Philippe had been hoping against hope that his older brother would change his mind about renouncing his title. When Pierre finally went through with it, Philippe couldn't put it off any longer. _He_ _had _to make a choice, and with enemies like Viscount Mabrey and the von Trokens constantly planning the demise of the House of Renaldi, he had little time in which to do so.

"After Pierre renounced his title, Rupert and I did not contact Philippe. Although we were very worried about Genovia's future, we'd had so many arguments with Philippe about his marriage to Helen already and things were quite strained between us all, so we decided it would be best to try to give him as much time and space as we could for him to make his decision on his own. The next time Rupert and I heard from Philippe, he had made the decision to get a quickie divorce from Helen and come back to Genovia to be the future king. What role Rupert and I played in that decision, we'll never completely know for certain, but I know that we most likely played a big part in it. Had Philippe gotten more understanding and support from us; had we not been so unfair to Helen throughout their marriage, perhaps they _could _have found a solution they both could have been happy with and remained together. You were right when you said that Philippe didn't even try. He didn't. And it is likely that Rupert and I are very much to blame for that. All these years, naturally, I preferred to believe that Philippe's royal duty to Genovia was his reason for not being a part of Mia's life, but knowing my son, it is far more likely that it was just an excuse because he lacked the courage to stand up to Rupert and me and be his own person. It's no secret how spoiled Rupert and I raised Pierre and Philippe to be when they were kids, and that in turn caused Philippe to grow up into a weak adult. He did grow up into a kind and caring person in the end, but to be _very _brutally honest, he was never a strong or courageous person. He _certainly _never had his daughter's strength and courage and character. There's no doubt about that."

"Very few people in this world do," I told Queen Clarisse kindly.

"That's true. And it's also quite true, sadly, that I used being noble and royal as an excuse to harbor a lot of snobbery in my heart against my granddaughter for many years. When Mia was first born, Rupert and I did _not _have the attitude towards her that true grandparents should have had. I mean, yes, we did care about her because she was our son's child, but more than anything back then, we merely saw her as a horrible inconvenience; a monkey wrench that had gotten thrown into our plans for our younger son, just like how we saw Helen. He may not have been the crown prince when Mia was born, but he was still Prince of Genovia and Rupert and I had long since planned for him to get married to, as you put it that day, a princess or a noble young lady or at the very least, a debutante from a wealthy, prestigious family in Genovian high society."

"Basically, you guys did _not _want any of your royal Renaldi blood intermingling with the blood of us common folk."

Queen Clarisse gave me a knowing smile. "Leave it to you, Lilly, to cut through my royal bull and get to the point," she said with a laugh. "In a nutshell, yes. That's basically how we felt. Like I said, Lilly, I was a very different person back in those days. Rupert and I may have cared about Mia when she was first born, but we did look down on her because she was the daughter of a middle-class American woman. It wasn't until Rupert and I flew over to San Francisco after the divorce that we started _really _having the feelings for Mia that a grandma and grandpa should have. It was then that we both finally met Helen and Baby Mia for the first time. And it was only then, _after _the divorce was finalized, that Rupert and I _finally _understood how wrong we were about Helen. During our visit to San Francisco, after Rupert and I spent a little time with Helen and got to know her, we soon realized that she was _not _the gold digger we'd convinced ourselves she was. Even after they were divorced, you could tell simply by being in the same room with them how much they loved each other. And when we learned just how little money Helen actually asked for in the divorce settlement, that's when we knew it beyond a doubt that opposing their union had been a mistake; that they really were in love with each other. Rupert and I were really amazed at just how little Helen actually wanted. She simply wanted enough money in child support to help her make ends meet every month, and she also wanted to give Mia a good education so she asked Philippe to agree to pay for her to go to a private school when she was older, which was a perfectly fair and reasonable request. That was what made us realize in the end that Helen Thermopolis had in fact married our son for love and _not _for his money or royal status.

"And as for Mia, when Rupert and I held her for the first time, it…well, it was just like holding Philippe when he was a baby." The Queen's voice really softened when she said that. "She looked so much like Philippe when he was an infant. Our hearts really melted. We still weren't thrilled that our grandchild wasn't completely of royal and noble blood, but we _did _fall in love with her. And way deep down underneath all our stubborn pride, we regretted that we had played the role we did in their divorce and that we wouldn't be able to watch our granddaughter grow up. But by then, it was too late. Their divorce had already been finalized, and Philippe and Helen had already made their decision.

"After Philippe returned to Genovia with us, Rupert and I so hoped that he would find love again and get remarried to a young lady we felt was more suitable to be Genovia's future queen and have more children with her."

"You mean have more royal heirs who were completely of royal and noble blood and had been trained their entire lives to be royal – unlike Mia."

"Yes, that is what I mean. Rupert and I did love Mia, but with her being…well…"

"Half-common," I supplied.

"Yes," Queen Clarisse admitted sadly. "With her being half-common, and with her growing up being raised by an ordinary American woman, we didn't think she would be the best choice to inherit the Genovian throne. We all agreed that we would meet up with Helen and Mia again and explain everything to Mia when she was eighteen, and once she knew of her royal lineage, Rupert, Philippe, and I still planned to give her the option to move to Genovia and live her life as a Genovian princess if she wanted to. However, Rupert and I _really _hoped for Philippe to get remarried to the kind of wife we felt was more suitable for him and for him to produce more royal heirs with her and for one of _those _children to be the person the Genovian crown passed to one day. Instead, Philippe spent the whole rest of his life back in Genovia grieving for the family he'd left behind…and using alcohol as a means to deal with that grief. And, well, you know what that eventually led to."

I looked in her eyes in that moment, laid my hand on top of hers, and told her, "I am so sorry." And I meant it with all my heart. Of course I'd been angry at her a year ago for wanting to stop Joseph from stepping in and being the father Mia had always needed, and I'd also been pretty angry at her for all her years of snobbery against Mia, but _no _mother deserved to go through the loss of a child. Since I was now a mom myself, I couldn't even have _begun _to imagine what the loss of one of my sons would have done to me. I didn't know how she managed to bear such a loss on a daily basis.

"Thank you. So am I," the Queen said in an emotional whisper, and in that moment, I felt so sorry for her. "I am…sorry for a great deal of things. I have many regrets, particularly when it comes to Mia. As I said before, I did always care for Mia, but for a good while after I came back into her life, there was this tiny snobbish part of me inside that looked down on her and saw her as this last resort for an heir that I had to settle for. Of course, as we got to know each other over time, I did grow to really love her and I did form a bond with her, but again, that tiny part of me was still there deep down inside that really looked down on Mia. That tiny part of me had actually believed that I'd 'settled' for Mia; that I was such a patient grandmother to put up with all of Mia's faults…that I deserved a better heir. I am so embarrassed by that way of thinking now. Now, I get it that it was never I who put up with Mia. It was _Mia _who put up with _me _and my snobbery against her_._

"Whenever Mia made a mistake and ended up embarrassing herself in the press, which as you know happened rather frequently in her earlier years here in Genovia, I would give her the same lecture. I would always fuss at her about how we Genovian royals are 'held to higher standards of behavior.' It wasn't until Mia was on that ventilator last year that it _finally _began to dawn on me just how much of Mia's goodness I had taken for granted. It wasn't until then that I _finally _began to understand that Mia had exhibited 'a higher standard of behavior' all along that I hadn't even noticed. Being as respectful as she was to me, even to the point of trying to please me, after Philippe and I had abandoned Mia her entire life – _that _is a higher standard of behavior. Getting engaged to a man she wasn't in love with out of her love for an absentee father and grandmother like Philippe and me is a higher standard of behavior. Putting even the feelings of her lady's maids before her own is a higher standard of behavior. Her constant sweetness and humility is a higher standard of behavior. _Never _thinking that she is too good to help out in _any _situation, even to the point of helping to catch a chicken on the loose in the throne room, is in fact a higher standard of behavior," the Queen said and I laughed as I recalled the famous "chicken situation in the throne room" incident.

"You would think someone like me who had already lost a child would know better than anyone not to take her loved ones for granted, but I did," she continued. "I _totally _took Mia for granted. I didn't really appreciate Mia because I thought of her as something that God, or life, maybe, owed to me in return for the loss of Philippe. I never _really _appreciated Mia's sweet presence in my life until she was hooked up to that ventilator in the ICU. It wasn't until _then _that I began to realize just how much I loved and needed _and appreciated_ my granddaughter. I'll never forget one day when I came to Mia's house in San Francisco to speak with her shortly before she accepted her title. On my way out the door, I decided to give Mia a hug before I left. I walked up to her and hugged her, and then I remember feeling so pleased with myself, as if giving my sweet little girl a hug was a dreaded chore I'd successfully accomplished. But when Mia was hooked up to those machines, it was only _then _that I knew that hugging her was not a chore; it was a privilege."

"I know exactly what you mean. And while we're sitting here being painfully honest with ourselves and each other, I may as well come clean about a couple of things myself. You were very right when you talked about how jealous I was of Mia when I first found out that she had the option to become a princess. All our lives, I'd always been the wannabe-hero, trying to save the world, and Mia had always been my sidekick. Then all of the sudden, out of nowhere, she was getting the opportunity to become a royal with all this power to make a difference that I'd always wanted but never had. All of the sudden, _Mia _was getting the chance to be the hero and _I _was becoming _her _sidekick, and my pride didn't exactly like that idea. You were also right when you said I was just being selfish and trying to live vicariously through her. That is _completely _true. I was not _at all _thinking about how saying yes to the princess job and saying yes to eventually becoming a queen would be putting her safety at risk. That thought never _once _dawned on me, not until Mia was on that respirator last year, anyway. It was only _then _that I understood how high the price was of being a royal."

"No, you said it yourself, Lilly: you were young. You were only a teenager at the time. You only had the perspective of sixteen years of living; that's not very long. There's no way you could have understood it all back then."

"I still feel so horrible, though, especially now that I completely understand everything that Mia had been going through. I had no idea about what had happened to her when she was nine, and now that I do know, I feel so terrible about the way I looked down on Mia for wanting to remain invisible back when she was trying to decide whether or not to become a princess. And I also feel so awful about how I used to believe deep down that I would make a better princess than Mia and that she was being stupid and selfish for not wanting to accept her title. Now that I know the whole story, I get it. _Of course _she wanted to remain invisible. More than anything, she simply wanted to feel _safe_. _Who _could _possibly _blame her for that?"

"I know. And _I certainly _didn't help very much in that department. I only gave her _more _things that she had to be afraid of. How I wish I had made things _easier _for Mia instead of harder. You were also quite right when you told me that I wasn't a real grandma to Mia in the beginning; that I was just a politician who was merely using her granddaughter for her own agenda. I never _meant _to be that way, but I was, and regardless of whether or not I _meant _to do it, I was still wrong to treat Mia like that."

"I just have to say…you are _so _much humbler now. Who are you and what have you done with Clarisse Renaldi?" I teased, and we both laughed.

"You're right. I'm not the same person I used to be. The events of the past year have humbled me considerably. Before all this happened, I _never _would have admitted everything that I have told you today. I would have had far too much pride to do so. I think the humbling process for me began when Mia was recovering in the hospital. One day I said something stupid that upset her, and it was then that Joseph finally stepped in and gave me a good hard dose of what he called, 'constructive criticism.' He basically told me some of the same things that you were trying to get across to me when we had our fight, and because it was coming from _Joseph_, I couldn't just brush what he was saying aside. When it was coming from a person decades younger than me, I could tell myself that I didn't have to take it seriously; that it was just a young person who didn't know what she was talking about, but I couldn't do that when it was coming from my own husband.

"But I want you to know, Lilly, that even though you were stepping on my toes and hurting my pride that day, _you were right _to call me out on my behavior towards Mia. Philippe, Rupert, and I caused her a tremendous amount of pain and _we all _used the fact that we were royals as an excuse for it, and I'm grateful to you today for having the guts to stand up to me and tell me like it was. I may not have listened to you the way I should have back then, but your words _did _remain in the back of my mind and they _did _continue to gnaw at me. I think it was because in my gut, I knew how right you were. What you said in the end about me robbing Mia of a form of healing she needed just because of my pride…well, it really got to me, and it was because of what you said that I decided not to say anything to Joseph about him stepping in and being a father to Mia. Now, we're _both _parents to Mia in addition to grandparents, and I wouldn't have it any other way." I gave Queen Clarisse a big smile in that moment because I was really happy for Mia's sake to hear her say that.

"I also want you to know that I am _so_ sorry for hitting you the way I did. That was absolutely unacceptable behavior on my part."

I shook my head and said, "Please, Your Majesty, don't worry about it. I was saying some pretty hurtful things as well. Speaking as a mom myself, if anybody said anything mean or disrespectful about one of my children, I'd do the same thing."

"You may have been harsh, but you were just trying to look out for Mia's best interests, like _I should _have been doing at the time but wasn't. And besides, after all Philippe, Rupert, and I put her through, it was high time for _somebody _to come along and tell me the hard truth. I'm just sorry it took me so long to really hear what you were saying and face up to it. But in the end, even though it hurt my feelings and wounded my pride a good bit, I'm very grateful for the verbal kick in the behind you gave me that day, and I am also equally grateful for Joseph's constructive criticism. Without the two of you having the guts to tell me like it was and force me to face the truth, I wouldn't have the relationship with Mia that I have today."

"Well I am so happy for you and Mia that you have such a great relationship with each other now."

"Thank you."

"Your Majesty, if I may ask, what brought all this on?"

"Well Lilly, to tell you the truth, this is a conversation I should have had with you a long time ago. I guess I've just been putting it off because I knew having this discussion would force me to talk about things I didn't really want to talk about. But when I read your article and saw how you as a reporter brilliantly handled this whole mess with Elsie Kentworthy and how deeply respectful you were of Mia through it all, it touched me a great deal. It made me remember just how much you care about Mia. And that, in turn, made me realize that it was time for me to stop putting off saying the things to you that needed to be said."

"I really appreciate that. And you're right. _I do _care about Mia. Tremendously. I love her. She's my best friend, and she may only be a few weeks younger than I am, but I've always kind of seen her as the little sister I never had. And on top of that, she's done so much for me, and I'm not just talking about my career. If it hadn't been for Mia's example, I probably never would have come to faith in Christ myself. I would have just completely written Christianity off as a bunch of religious brainwashing. But even though I knew all along as we were growing up together that she and her mom were Christians, she never _once _tried to preach at me or convert me or anything. For a long time, I never saw Mia as a Christian. I just saw her as my friend, as somebody who would always be there for me whenever I needed someone. It wasn't until years later that I understood that _that _was what it meant to be a Christian – _living _your faith, being there for the people around you whenever you can, not being some preachy Bible-thumper. All along, Mia was always perfectly happy to be in the background and let me shine. She was always there to be my trusty sidekick, helping me with whatever petitions I was trying to get signed at the time, helping me organize my latest protest against injustice, anything. And now, I'm glad that I can return the favor. I didn't like it when I was an immature teenage kid, but now, I'm _proud _to be Mia's sidekick because she is _great _at being a hero. And I'm more than happy to let Mia be the one to shine now. She deserves it."

The Queen gave me a loving smile then and told me, "Mia is very blessed to have you for a best friend, Lilly." And in that next moment, _much _to my surprise, Queen Clarisse actually gave me a hug, which I was more than happy to return. It was obvious we _both _had really learned, grown, and changed over the years – for the better.

* * *

One afternoon at the palace, a few days after the incident with Mr. Whiskers, I was reminded that Queen Clarisse and I weren't the only ones who had changed for the better. Mia had, too. She had always been incredibly sweet, humble, and down-to-earth, of course, but now, she also had much more inner-confidence and no longer struggled with self-doubt as much as she used to. And after ten years as Queen, she finally, _finally_, started actually _using _her servants rather than hiding from them!

When I walked into Mia's suite that afternoon, I found her and Lionel all curled up with Claire and Rosie in a big overstuffed chair in front of her television set watching cartoons. I could tell just by looking at her that she wasn't having one of her better days. She was clearly tired, and she was wearing her nasal cannula receiving extra oxygen, which was something she hated doing and tried to avoid if it all possible.

"Mommy, I'm hungry," Rosie announced. Their cartoon was ending just as I walked inside with Brigitte and Brigitta, who wanted to come in with me and check on Mia.

"Yeah, Mommy, I'm hungry, too," said Claire.

"Well I'm pretty sure they have lunch prepared in the kitchen downstairs now," Mia responded. "Why don't you girls go down and check?"

"They do have lunch prepared, Your Majesty," Brigitte said.

"Oh, great. Claire, Rosie, run along with Daddy and get yourselves something to eat, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy. Let's go, Rosie," Claire told her little sister as she darted out of Mia's suite.

"I'm coming!" Rosie announced, quickly following behind.

"You girls go ahead. I'll be along in a minute," Lionel called after them. A moment later, he asked Mia, "You're not skipping lunch, are you? You already skipped breakfast, you know."

"I know; I know. I'm not skipping lunch. I'm merely delaying it for a bit. I'll get something a little later. I just don't feel like it right now."

"Okay, but I'm going to hold you to it. _You are _going to eat something later this afternoon."

Mia smiled and gave him a playful salute and told him, "Yes, sir." Then Lionel leaned in and gave Mia a big kiss and after that, he got up from his seat.

"Hey, Lilly," he said to me on his way out.

"Hey, Lionel. Good to see you."

"Good to see you, too," Lionel said, and then after we waved, he left to go eat with the girls.

"Hi, Lilly. How are you doing today?"

"I'm good, thanks. Any day that I take off from work to hang out with my friends and family is a good day. But I take it you're not having one of your better days?"

"Not really. I'm just kind of tired today; that's all. I'm happy for you, though, that you were finally able to take a day off. I know you've been working really hard."

"Too hard," I complained as I sat down on the nearby step in front of Mia's bed. "I've been so wrapped up in my work lately that I just haven't had enough time for the people I love. But this morning, I was all Kip's; this afternoon, I am all yours, and this evening belongs to Josh and Lucas when they get home from school, and the same thing goes for tomorrow and this weekend as well. I have _earned _this four-day weekend and I am going to spend it wisely."

"Oh, Lilly, that is so thoughtful, but you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. Go back and enjoy some more time with Kip. Alone-time with your husband can be a very hard thing to come by in this world sometimes. Don't squander your time off on me."

"Hey, the time I spend with you is _not _time squandered, and Kip knows that."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. That's what best friends are for, silly. Besides, with your grandmother being away, I know you need _somebody _here to get on your butt about taking care of yourself. We both know that if Queen Clarisse were here, she would _not _have allowed you to get away with not eating anything. Since you don't feel like eating very much, why don't you just try a little soup for lunch?"

"No, that's fine. I'll just wait and eat a little something later."

"_No_, you _won't _eat something later, either. You may say that now, but when later comes, you'll just keep putting it off."

Mia laughed then and said to me, "Now Lilly, don't you know that being overprotective of me is Grandma's job?"

"I'm officially filling in for her while she's away, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that's right. Okay then, in that case, Brigitte, Brigitta, since it's obvious Lilly won't let me hear the end of it until I finally eat something, please do me a favor and go downstairs and ask one of the cooks to make me some chicken soup. And when it's done, I'd really appreciate it if one of you ladies would be kind enough to cater to my laziness and bring it up here to me." Mia may have joked about being lazy, but I knew it was really exhaustion that kept her from wanting to make the walk downstairs and not laziness.

Brigitte and Brigitta laughed and then just kind of stared at Mia in shock for a long moment.

"What is it, ladies?" she asked them.

"Oh, nothing, Your Majesty," Brigitta replied. "It's just that after ten years of working for you, you've never actually asked us to do anything for you before. It was just really surprising. Whenever Brigitte and I try to do something for you, you usually try to hide from us."

We all laughed and Mia responded, "Yes, that is true. But recently, I've realized that there's nothing wrong with using my power as Queen for myself every now and again."

"You asked them to bring you chicken soup, Mia. Wow. Brigitte, Brigitta, you ladies better keep an eye on her or the next thing you know, all this power just might go to her head. I mean, after all, she gave you guys _one order _in _ten years_," I teased, and then I had a laugh with Brigitte and Brigitta while Mia playfully rolled her eyes at us.

"I prefer to think of it as a request to a couple of old friends of mine rather than an order to my lady's maids," Mia said.

"And we are _more_ than happy to oblige, Your Majesty. Would you like anything else?" Brigitte asked.

"No thank you."

"We'll be back soon, then," said Brigitte.

"Thank you very much, ladies," Mia told them as they walked out the door.

"So, you're finally letting your lady's maids do something for you. Queen Clarisse would be proud."

"Speaking of Grandma, I just talked to her on the phone this morning and she and Joe will be coming back on Saturday."

"That's wonderful news. I know how much you've missed them this month."

"Yeah, and I really hated it that they weren't able to make it back in time for Claire's birthday a few days ago, too. We've all really missed them around here."

"I know you guys have. So has your grandma finally come to terms with all of this?"

"I think so," Mia quietly replied. "I think that after hearing dozens of specialists all over the world telling her the exact same thing over and over and over again for about the past three weeks, even someone as formidable as Clarisse Renaldi was forced to face the truth. Plus, I think that Grandma really needed to be away from the palace, on her own with Joe for a little while in order to deal with this. Everybody deals with these kinds of things differently and I think Grandma simply needed to have some space and privacy before she could really bring herself to face my diagnosis and begin to deal with it emotionally. After all, losing a grandchild on top of losing a child is a pretty tough blow."

"Yeah, and you're not just _any _grandchild. You're Mia. You're one of a kind and Queen Clarisse knows that there'll _never _be another person on this earth like you. It's not an easy thing to take," I told Mia as I fought off the lump that was forming in my throat. It was hard, even for someone as tough as I usually was, not to break down and start crying at the thought of losing my best friend, but I knew I couldn't allow myself to do so in front of Mia. I knew she was trying so hard to be strong for her husband, her children, her grandmother, and for everyone else around her in the palace. The _last _thing I wanted was to make her feel as though she had to be strong for me too. _I _wanted to be the strong one for _her _now.

"Everybody is taking it hard," Mia said seriously.

"Well of course we are. You're a wonderful person, Mia. An _incredible _person. _Of course _we're going to miss you…so much," I said in a choked-up whisper.

"I know," she said lovingly. "This isn't easy for me either."

"I know it's not," I told her as I regained my composure once again, and then I got up and walked over to Mia. In that next moment, I knelt down in front of her, looked her in the eyes, and said to her, "And I want you to know that whatever you want, whatever you need, I'm here for you."

"I know that, Lilly. As a matter of fact, while we're on the subject, there _is _something I need you to do for me, and this is no small request. It's not a bowl of chicken soup I'm asking for. This is something pretty big."

I kept my eyes locked with hers and I told her honestly, "Name it."

"I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I've decided that when it happens…when I die…I don't want it to happen here in the palace. I want to go home."

"You mean…home where you grew up? You want to go back to San Francisco?"

"Yeah. You know that Mom owned our old refurbished firehouse where I grew up and that she held onto it even after we both moved into the Genovian consulate."

"Yeah, I know that. And I know that she continued to hold onto it even after she married your stepfather and moved in with him, and that she kept it up."

"After Mom died, Patrick continued taking care of the house for me. And anyway, I've been thinking lately how much I would like to be there again, surrounded by Mom's furniture and paintings and things. I mean, I know she's not with us anymore, but I kind of feel like if I'm surrounded by her stuff, I'll feel close to her again, if that makes any sense."

"I think it makes perfect sense," I said, and I meant it. At a time like this, _of course _she'd want to feel close to her mom. _Who wouldn't _want their mom now?

"But here's the catch: _I don't _want to go away with everybody knowing. I don't want there to be any big, painful, tearful goodbyes, and I _certainly _don't want a media circus. To be perfectly honest, I…basically want to slip away when everyone's not looking. You see, Lionel and Grandma and Charlotte and everybody has been so heartbroken ever since they found out. They are trying really hard to be all brave and strong for me, but I can see it how much they're hurting. And the last thing I want is for all of them to have to watch me slowly die in front of them. I don't want the last thing they remember about me to be them seeing my death. But yet, I know I can't get through this alone, with just a nurse by my side. I really need someone. I've talked it over with Nicholas and the rest of the staff and we've all agreed that the local charity ball we've decided to host in the palace for the Pyrus Medical Center will be my last official function as Queen. So what would you say if on that night, after the charity ball was over, I asked you to help me sneak away from the palace and come to San Francisco with me to do the whole deathwatch thing; you know, stay by my side; hold my hand until I die, sort of thing? Sound like fun?" she teased, trying very hard to keep things as light as possible, even though she was facing the hardest thing imaginable.

I gave her a knowing, loving smile, put my hand on top of hers, and answered, "I'd say…'When do we leave?'"

"Oh, Lilly," Mia said as she started tearing up, and then we gave each other the biggest hug as even more tears came to our eyes. It was incredibly hard for me, yes, but I knew it was even harder for Mia and even though I knew helping her through this would not be easy, deep down, I couldn't help but feel honored that _I_ was the person she was turning to when she needed someone the most.


	20. Rest

**Note to readers**: My apologies (again!) for taking so long. I'm just going to come right out and tell you the truth: I didn't write this chapter for so long because I was dreading it and I kept putting it off. Yup. This is it, everyone. This is the chapter we've ALL been dreading. Tissues are a MUST. This is going to hurt. But even though it will be painful and even though I must seem like the cruelest writer EVER right now, I'm asking you all to please trust me. I DO have GOOD reasons for what I'm doing and within the final couple of chapters of _Quiet Strength_, it will hopefully make more sense. You've just to hang in there with me until then. (You've come with me this far, right?) Also, there will be no more flashbacks from now on. You guys now have the whole, complete picture of what happened to Mia in the past on up until the present time in the story. I also want to say **thank you so much **for all the reviews! As I've said before, encouragement is extremely helpful to me, so thank you! Thanks also to everyone who has faved or followed _Quiet Strength. _Thanks to everyone for your support. It is always appreciated. And even though this chapter's going to be tough, if anyone has plans to review it, please try to be nice. My self-confidence is fragile, LOL. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter Twenty**

_Mia_

Over the past fifteen years since Grandma and I were reunited, our entire lives had changed immensely, and nothing had changed more than our opinions of each other. It wasn't exactly a secret that in the beginning, we didn't like one another all that much. I was unkempt, unattractive, and clumsy; _hardly _the ideal candidate for the royal princess Grandma and Genovia needed me to be, and while Grandma was a great queen, she'd also been pretty cold and intimidating; _hardly _the ideal candidate for the grandma _I'd_ needed _her_ to be. Today, over fifteen years later, while I was still clumsy, I was no longer unkempt and unattractive and thanks to a few miracles from the Almighty, I had turned out to be a pretty decent Princess and later Queen of Genovia, even if I do say so myself. And today, Grandma wasn't an intimidating royal to me. Along with Lilly, she too, was my very best friend now. She was, above all else, my protector and my refuge. She used to be the person I associated most with the word _fear_; the person I used to have to worry constantly about letting down. Now, she was the person I associated most with the word _rest_. Thanks to the remarkable gift the Lord had blessed her with, she now understood better than anyone everything I'd been through and what was going on inside of me, and whenever things got tough, she was always the perfect person to run to. And when I did, she made life's hurts so much easier to bear. Her love always eased the pain, gave me strength, and helped me find rest from my fears.

When I looked into her eyes the first moment she and Joe returned to the palace, both of them standing together in my suite, it made me wish so hard that I could only do the same thing for her. Ever since my second heart attack, I'd always suspected it way deep down that my heart wouldn't be strong enough to keep going for very much longer; that within a few years or so, I would probably die young, just like my own parents did, so although I was devastated to learn that it was finally happening now, it was actually a little easier for me to accept than anyone else because I'd been halfway prepared for it all along. A person knows her body and I'd known for quite a while in the back of my mind what was happening with mine, so it made the painful truth a little easier for me to process and accept. But with all my other loved ones, it was considerably harder, and I knew beyond a doubt it was hardest for Grandma of all. The instant our eyes met, I could see it that the journey she'd had to take to acceptance of my diagnosis had been an extremely hard one. I knew she was trying her hardest to put on her bravest face and be strong for me now, but speaking as someone who had literally shared her mind with this great lady for years, I knew better. I knew she was in so much pain and that for my sake, she was trying to hide it. That was precisely the reason why I knew I had to sneak away from the palace with Lilly and make it to San Francisco in a couple of weeks, once the royal charity ball for the Pyrus Medical Center was over and I'd officially performed my last duty as Queen. I couldn't, _I wouldn't_, put her through the pain of having to watch me die.

Looking into her face now, more than anything, I wanted to get up out of the big rocking chair I'd had put beside my bed in my suite and put my arms around her and try to give her some kind of comfort, but I couldn't because physically speaking, I wasn't the only one in the palace who was having a bad day. Claire was, too. She'd recently developed a nasty ear infection, and while we'd been giving her eardrops for it, she still had a bad earache and was all curled up in my lap while I rocked her.

"Hi, guys," I said quietly. "Forgive me if I don't get up. Claire's not feeling so well today."

"Mommy feels bad, too," Claire told them.

"I know that, sweetheart," Grandma gently responded, and then she bent down and gave Claire a big kiss on the forehead. "We met your daddy downstairs, and he told us all about it. I'm so sorry you and Mommy are feeling bad today, my love."

"Mommy gave me eardrops, even though I hate them," Claire complained.

"I know getting eardrops in your ears can be annoying, but Mommy has to give them to you to make the earache stop."

"I know; I know," Claire said with a petulant sigh.

"I bet I know what'll make our little Princess feel better," said Joe. "Claire, why don't you go to your room. A little while before we reached the palace, Grandma phoned and had some of the staff set up our special birthday surprise in there for you and I know you're going to love it. Grandma and I are so sorry we weren't able to be with you on your birthday, but I believe our gift to you will make up for it."

"Okay," Claire said as she climbed down off my lap.

"Claire, what do you say to Grandma and Grandpa?" I asked her.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks, Grandma. Thanks, Grandpa."

"You're more than welcome," Grandma said with a smile, and then after giving her a big hug, Claire left for her room.

The moment after the doors to my suite were shut again, I got up from the rocking chair and walked right into their arms.

Grandma planted a firm kiss on my cheek in that moment and whispered, "You've been through so much, my sweet girl. Too much."

"So have you," I replied.

Grandma really started tearing up then as she told me, "You really deserved so much better; so much longer."

"Oh, Grandma," I whispered as tears started coming to my eyes as well.

"You should have more time," she said quietly.

I looked into Grandma's eyes then, still in their embrace, and I said, "The way I see it, I've had just enough time to make a difference." In that next moment, they hugged me even tighter.

Then Joe sensed it that Grandma and I really wanted to talk in private for a little bit, so he said, "If you ladies will excuse me, I have some things to take care of downstairs."

"Of course," I said, and then I gave him a big hug. "I'm so glad you're back."

He looked at me and smiled and responded, "That makes two of us, _mija_," and then he kissed my cheek, and a couple of seconds later, he walked out of my suite.

"I know these past few weeks have been really hard on you," I told her. "Are you okay?"

"I feel like _I'm _the one who ought to be asking _you _that question, little one," she answered, and I smiled. After three weeks, it felt so good to hear her call me "little one" again in person. "Come on over here with me and sit down," she said as she motioned towards the rocking chair. It was so wide two people could fit in it easily. After we sat down together, Grandma put her arm around me and I rested my head on her shoulder. In the earlier years of our relationship, I never would have done such a thing, but now, being in her arms was something that was completely natural to both of us. "Brigitte and Brigitta tell me that you're barely eating."

"Brigitte and Brigitta like to exaggerate."

"Well it can't be that much of an exaggeration. I can tell just by looking at you that you've lost a considerable amount of weight, and that really worries me. You've never been the kind of person who could _afford _to lose a lot of weight. You've always been little. You've always been so thin." When she told me that, I couldn't help but smile.

"What?" Grandma asked in response.

"Nothing. It's just that when you were saying that just now, I couldn't help but remember how you used to scold me to keep an eye on my figure whenever you'd catch me eating ice cream when I was younger."

"Yes, well, that was the Queen talking, not Grandma. The Queen may have warned you to watch your figure when she saw you eating ice cream, but Grandma was relieved to see it because Grandma always worried that you weren't eating enough."

"I never knew that. Well, if it'll make you feel better, I'll try to eat ice cream a little more often from now on," I kidded.

"It's half past ten, and Lionel tells me that you still haven't eaten."

"Not yet. I'm feeling really sluggish today. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm still in my pajamas. I'm really sorry about that, by the way. I wanted to be dressed by the time you and Joe got back– "

"Nonsense. Neither you nor Claire are feeling well today, and when you're not well, you should be in your pajamas, getting some rest. And _why _aren't you using your oxygen? You know you're always supposed to have it on."

Again I smiled, and then I looked up into her face and said, "It is so good to have you back again, Grandma." I really had missed her overprotectiveness and her lovingly nagging at me about my oxygen and other things.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, young lady," she teased. "I want you in bed and on your oxygen. _Now._"

"Yes, ma'am," I responded, knowing there was no use trying to argue with her. "Just let me stay here in the chair with you a little bit longer. I've missed this. I've missed sitting with you and talking with you."

"Alright, we'll stay here for a little bit, but then I want you in bed and using your oxygen."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And when I have your lady's maids bring you brunch in a little while, I want you to eat it. Is that understood?"

Yet again, I smiled, looked up at her, and said, "Yes, ma'am." While Grandma was gone, I got sicker and weaker and really lost my appetite a lot of the time, and I didn't try to push myself to eat, and since I was the Queen, obviously, nobody could say anything. But now, Grandma was back and in charge and as determined as ever to make a fuss where I was concerned. I really had missed her.

"Mia, I want you to promise me something."

"Okay."

"I know how you always try to protect the people you love. You protected your mother from the horrors of what you were going through all your life. You've constantly tried to protect me from the truth whenever something's gone wrong with your health. I want you to stop doing that. Your whole life, you've been the strong one, always taking care of others. Now, I really want you to stop trying to protect all of us and let us in. I want you to talk to me or to someone about it when you're upset or angry or scared. And when you're feeling unwell physically, I want you to let us take care of you. Please, promise me that when something's wrong, you won't try to keep it to yourself; that you'll let us in."

"I will," I told her, hoping that God would forgive me because it was really a half-truth. For the next couple of weeks while I was still in the palace, sure, I'd let everybody in, but once the royal charity ball for the hospital was over, I'd be going away to San Francisco with Lilly. I was certain that God understood, though, and even more certain that the last thing He would want would be for Grandma to have to literally watch me die in front of her after everything she'd already been through with losing Dad.

"Thank you. I need you to do something else for me."

"If I can."

"I need you to tell me what I can do to make this easier for you."

Again, I looked up at her, and I told her the same thing I'd told Joe before when he and Grandma first found out I was dying: "You're doing it. You're here."

"Oh, my love," Grandma whispered, and then she kissed the top of my head and held me even closer. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Grandma."

"I'm so sorry, my little love. I am so sorry for everything."

"What do you mean? You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"Oh, yes I do. You know as well as I do what I used to be like in the first few years of our relationship. I was always the Queen and never Grandma. I was never someone you could really open up to. I wasn't there for you the way I should have been, and because I made you feel so alone, you had to start working at the women's shelter to find the support you needed; the kind of support _I _should have been giving you but wasn't. And the consequences of my lack of support have been devastating, for both of us. I can't even begin to apologize enough for that."

"Wait a minute. Are you blaming yourself for everything that's happened to me?"

"What I'm doing is being brutally honest with myself. I realize it now that I made things so much harder for you. I realize it now how I always used to make you feel like you couldn't live up to my expectations and that my love for you was based on how well you performed as a royal. I know now what a toll took on you inside. And I know that because I wasn't someone you really felt you could talk to when you first moved into the palace, that eventually drove you to start sneaking away to the shelter, so you could find the emotional support you needed that you weren't getting from me."

"Okay, hold it. Hold on a second. First of all, it wasn't just you. I couldn't open up to _anyone _about what I was going through back then. It was too hard for me. It felt really good to be around other people who'd been through similar experiences and understood what I was going through, but I never really talked to Sarah Sanchez or anyone there about what had happened to me. If it hadn't been for you using your gift with me that night, I never would have been able to begin opening up about it to anyone.

"And second, _I _and _I alone _am responsible for the choices that I make. You do _not _get to blame yourself for any of this. If you're looking for someone to blame, _I'm _the person you're looking for. I realize it now that I was pretty dumb and naïve to believe that sneaking out on my own in the middle of the night three nights a week was not a dangerous thing for a royal to be doing. And on top of that, _I _was the one who ordered Lionel not to tell anyone else when I eventually talked to him about what I was doing. Had I shown any sense, I would have informed my security detail and had all of them go with me, not just Lionel. And in the end when we were being held hostage and those monsters were getting ready to start hurting me, Lionel tried to convince them to take him instead, but I wouldn't allow it. These were all _my _decisions that _I _made, and I also chose to accept the consequences of those decisions."

"No, sweetheart, _no_. Don't you _ever _say anything like that to me again. _You _were _never _to blame for any of this, and don't you ever think otherwise. I have never, _ever _for one moment believed that you were to blame. You are _not _to blame for being sweet and loving and for doing such courageous things. It was us. It was your security staff and your grandmother. We were the ones who failed you."

"Whenever I started playing the blame game in my sessions with my therapist in the past, she always told me that I needed to put the blame where it really belongs: on the thugs who hurt me. I think _we both _need to do that now."

"Yes, baby, you're right. You are absolutely right. Okay, my love. No more blame game."

"No more blame game," I agreed, and I was glad to hear Grandma say that because she had been beating herself up for far too long, not just about my getting attacked years ago, but about the way she handled things in the earlier years of our relationship. It was true that it had always hurt me deeply the way that my feelings about never having Grandma or Dad in my life for sixteen years were never really addressed for years. I'd always kind of felt like that all the pain I'd gone through had never really mattered to her. After being allowed to prophetically see into her mind, though, I understood that she had simply lived in a lot of denial about it because it was such a hard thing for her to face and that she hadn't acted that way because she'd meant to hurt me. It had taken some time for her to face the fact that their abandonment had really hurt me, and longer still for her to admit to herself that she and my father had used their royal duties as an excuse for it. It was also true that in the past, she had often made me feel like I could never live up to her expectations and that that had been a really painful thing to live with. However, as far as I was concerned, she had more than made up for all her past mistakes. She had helped me find so much healing, and through her gift, she had poured _so _much love into me and made me feel so treasured. I knew that it was largely because of all the love Grandma had poured into me through the years that I had survived as long as I did, despite how badly damaged my body was. I never could have come this far without her.

"So what did you and Joe get for Claire?" I changed the subject a few moments later.

"I know we all agreed that Joseph and I would get Claire the big dollhouse she wanted to have in her suite as a Christmas present, but since we had to miss her birthday, we just didn't want to wait."

"Oh, _I know _she'll be thrilled with _that_, even with an earache."

"Yes, hopefully that'll cheer her up today. And of course, we do have another dollhouse hidden away for us to have set up in our younger Princess's suite on Christmas Day so she doesn't feel left out."

"You guys are spoiling Claire and Rosie absolutely rotten!" I teased with a laugh.

"That's a grandparent's right and privilege, my dear. I wasn't there to spoil you the way you should have been spoiled by your grandparents when you were growing up, so I'm making up for lost time with these two."

"Oh, I think you've spoiled me plenty over the years. Just look at my suite! You literally gave me a mall for a closet!"

"It made me _so _happy inside when I first showed this suite to you that day. It's always a kick for any grandma to give things to her grandchild that she knows she really likes and I never really got the opportunity to do that with you as much as I wanted to until you first moved into the palace ten years ago."

"Yeah, being royal definitely has its perks, alright," I said. Then I started to laugh, and I asked, "Do you remember what I first said when you told me I was a princess?"

"How could I forget?" Grandma responded with a laugh of her own. Then we both said simultaneously, "'Me? A _princess? Shut up!_'" After having a good laugh together for a moment, Grandma said, "Of course, I couldn't even have _begun _to understand your reaction back then. I was operating under the assumption that _every _young girl on the planet wanted to become a princess and live in a palace. I didn't realize that to _you_, I was making it sound as though I was trying to make you get ready to leave for Genovia, be crowned Queen, and rule it the very next day. _No wonder _you were so overwhelmed that you took off running."

"Well, it all turned out alright in the end, though. I eventually agreed to become the Princess of Genovia, and later the Queen. We may have made our mistakes and gone through a lot of turbulence on the ride, but it was all worth it."

Grandma looked down into my eyes then and asked me, "Do you really feel that way?" When she asked me that question in that moment, I knew she was really asking me if I regretted my decision because of everything I've been through.

"It's been tough, Grandma. I can't say it hasn't been. But when I get e-mails from abuse victims from all over the country, telling me what I difference I made in their lives with the Protection Act; when I get letters from people who have been abused and raped, telling me that my example inspired them so much that they actually decided not to commit suicide, the answer to that question is a resounding, 'Yes!' _I do _feel that it was all worth it, and despite all the physical and psychological pain I went through, I am still glad that I said yes to this life fifteen years ago. I have no regrets, Grandma. None."

"For what it's worth," Grandma whispered, clearly fighting off tears, "I want you to know that if I could go back in time and do things over again as a grandma, I would do things _so _much differently. When you told your mother and me in the beginning that I ignored you for fifteen years and she lied to you and that true families don't do things like that to one another, you were absolutely right. Your mother and I _both _just brushed off what you said that day. We basically ignored you and acted as though all your feelings of pain and anger you had about what we put you through just simply did not matter, and we both just jumped in and started pushing you into taking those princess lessons. Your father, your grandfather, and I _all _gave you the impression for over fifteen years that we didn't care about you, and I did _not _address that issue _at all _the way I should have. I want you to know that if I could do things differently, knowing everything I know now, I would treat you with _far _more respect than I did when I came back into your life, and I also would never allow _idiots _like Paolo to disrespect you either. And speaking of Paolo, _he is such a pig!_"

"Total pig," I agreed.

"I honestly don't understand _why _I ever put up with him! I don't know _what _I was thinking when I hired him."

We laughed together for a minute, and then Grandma got serious again. "I also want you to know that if I could take all of this for you…getting raped…all the years of bullying in school…never being able to know your own father…getting beaten…tortured…illness…I'd do it in a heartbeat."

"Grandma," I said softly. Obviously, I really was touched hearing her say that.

"I would. I would take every ounce of pain for you if that were at all possible."

"Please, stop being so down on yourself. Like I just said a moment ago, what's happening to me now _is not your fault. _And as for everything else, you don't have to beat yourself up about it anymore. Maybe you did make things harder for me for a while, but it's not like that now. It's largely because of you and all your love and support that I was able to make it this far in my life. I would trust you with anything. I would. Maybe there was a time when I couldn't always say that, but I can and I do say it now. I would trust you with _anything_. I would trust you with my life, and with the lives of my children."

Grandma looked down into my face then and lovingly touched my cheek and told me, "_You never _have to worry about that. As long as God continues to give this old body of mine health and strength, _I will always _take care of your babies because they're my babies, too."

"Your body's not that old, Grandma. And you're right. You're in great shape. I bet you're as healthy and strong now as you were thirty years ago."

"I don't know about that, but thankfully, I know I won't be going into a retirement home any time soon."

"You've got decades left in you, Grandma. _Decades_. It may be over for me now, but it is _nowhere near _over for you." A tiny tear escaped Grandma's eye when I told her that, but even though she was getting upset, I knew she had to hear what I was telling her so I kept going. "You've still got a lot to do. You've got to watch those new twin grandbabies of yours grow up, as well as your great-grandchildren. You've got to enjoy Joe. You've still got a lot a whole lot of romantic getaways at the Love Shack you have to enjoy with him," I said and Grandma laughed.

"You have a beautiful laugh," I told Grandma a long moment later. "You have a really beautiful accent and speaking voice. I know how much you've missed singing all these years, but your speaking voice is every bit as beautiful as your singing."

"Why, thank you, little one."

"I always wanted to tell you that but I never got around to it before."

"Well, I'm delighted that you feel that way. I love hearing your sweet little American accent, too."

"Thanks, Grandma."

A second later, I got a chill and started to shake, which was becoming more and more common for me. I was cold a great deal of the time now.

"You're shaking," she said with concern as she started rubbing my arm.

"It's no big deal. It happens a lot these days. I'm always cold."

"Well, we can't have that. Come on. In bed and under the covers. Now."

I chuckled and once again said, "Yes, ma'am."

"I'll turn up the thermostat for you. You get comfortable."

"Thank you."

"Of course. You have yourself a good rest, and I'll have one of the chefs make you something to eat and have it sent up to you in a little while."

"That's really sweet, Grandma. You don't have to make such a big fuss over me, though."

"I want to, silly," she said, and then after turning the heat up, she walked up to my bedside and kissed my cheek before leaving my suite.

Over the course of the next two weeks, Grandma, Lionel, Joe, and everyone else continued to care for me like that, and they were _all _very overprotective, which really touched me. Lilly came over to the palace and spent a lot of time with me as well, which I appreciated. I also continued on a very special project I started back when Lionel and I first learned I was dying. Even though Dad hadn't stayed away because he'd been trying to abandon me, and even though I knew now that he had never meant to hurt me, that didn't change the fact that his absence in my life caused me a great amount of pain, and I _did not _want my girls to go through the same thing. I wanted to continue to be a part of their lives, even long after I'd died, so Lionel set up a video camera in our suite and we started making DVDs of future conversations from me to the girls, to be shown to them in the future. I made DVDs wishing them a happy birthday each year, as well as DVDs covering topics from how to apply makeup when they were old enough to sex to how to deal with the press. Much to Grandma's chagrin, I pushed myself very hard in order to get them all completed as quickly as I could. Lionel, Grandma, and everyone else wanted me to take it easy, but of course, they had no idea that I was in a race against time since I was planning on leaving for San Francisco after the royal charity ball for the Pyrus Medical Center in mid-December.

I didn't inform security of my plans to sneak away from the palace after the ball until just a few days before the ball was scheduled to take place. I knew that in order to pull this thing off, I had to keep it a secret for as long as possible. And when I did start telling some of the security staff as the date of the ball approached so that the proper arrangements could be made, I made sure to swear them to secrecy and to tell as few of them as I possibly could. I made it crystal clear, too, that Lionel and Joseph _were not_, under _any _circumstances, to be told.

With every passing day, it just got harder and harder, knowing that I would be leaving the people I love the most, never to see them again in this life, but what got me through it was the knowledge that it was for their own good. It was extremely painful for me, but I was determined to not be sad all the time. I did as many things with Lionel, Claire, and Rosie as I could, and I made sure to enjoy every single moment with them.

One evening a couple of days before the ball, I finished the last DVD for the girls, and Lionel surprised me with a romantic picnic in my suite to celebrate. He turned the lights down low and brought in a bunch of candles, and we sat down on the floor together and enjoyed some wine and a delicious meal, with soft jazz music playing in the background. It was absolutely wonderful.

Then after we were finished with our meal and the wine, Lionel asked me, "Do you feel like a dance?"

I thought about it for a second. I was feeling pretty exhausted, but at the same time, I _really _wanted to, so I told him, "I think swaying to the music is a little more my speed these days."

"Swaying, it is," he said, and then he helped me up off the floor. A moment later, I leaned on him as we simply swayed back and forth to the music, enjoying being close to each other as well as the lovely music. I could have taken that opportunity to tell Lionel how wonderful he always was and how no woman, or queen, could ever have hoped for a sweeter, more loving, more supportive husband than he'd always been to me, but I'd already told him that many times before, just as he'd told me similar things, and the fact of the matter was, I was _so _tired. But I knew as I looked in his eyes that night that it was okay; that after all our years together, we _already _knew each other so well that nothing needed to be said. It was already being said just in the way we held each other.

It was an incredibly lovely night between Lionel and me, but obviously, the happiness and the romance wasn't to last. The day before the ball, all my plans for leaving started leaking out in the palace grapevine. I did the best I could to squelch the rumors, but I didn't succeed. I was already having such a terrible day that day. The thought of leaving everyone and never seeing them again was really killing me inside, and on top of that, I'd been feeling even worse physically than I usually felt. My neck, jaw, and back were hurting so much; I'd vomited twice that morning, and there was this crazy pressure I kept feeling in my chest that just would not go away. But what happened later on that afternoon just pushed everything over the edge.

I was about to go into Grandma's suite when I overheard what sounded like a big fight brewing. Then all of the sudden, I heard Lionel yell, "_Leaving?! What do you mean _she's _leaving _after the ball tomorrow night?! Do you guys mean to tell me that after six years and two kids, my wife intends to just up and _leave us _and never come back, without even having the decency to tell me about it in person?!"

The moment I heard Lionel say that, I finally couldn't take it anymore and began to cry. It really tore me up inside that he obviously felt so betrayed by me and that he couldn't understand _why _I was doing things this way; that he couldn't see it that I wasn't trying to _hurt _him and the girls, but rather, to _keep _them from getting hurt.

"Mia knows that if she stays and lives out her final days here with you and you watch her die, the moment of her death is going to replay in your mind over and over again once she's gone. She knows how much that is going to hurt you. Your wife is _not _just 'up and leaving you,' Lionel. She's not walking out on you and the girls and she is _not _abandoning you. She's trying to _protect _you, you moron!"

"I don't think it makes me a moron to want to have been included in a decision of this magnitude, Lilly! After all, the last time I checked, _I was _her husband!"

Okay, as much as I loved my best friend and appreciated her for all her special qualities and gifts, one gift she did _not _possess was the gift of _tact_. Much of the time, Lilly would just bluntly blurt out whatever she was thinking, _without _thinking about how it might make another person feel. It made her a great journalist and activist, but sometimes it wasn't always so great when it came to how she dealt with the other people around her.

In the next moment, Lilly yelled back at Lionel, and then two of them really started in on each other, which only broke my heart more and made me cry harder. Finally, and _mercifully_, Grandma stepped in to referee the fight that had started between them.

"Stop this right now!" I heard her loud voice cry out. "You are _both _behaving like a couple of little children! I would expect this kind of behavior out of Claire and Rosie, but _not _the two of you. You're both adults, and _you both _ought to know better than to start fussing and fighting at a time like this! Now is _not _the time for any of us to get into fights. Mia needs us all now more than ever, and the _last _thing she needs is for the people she loves the most to start going at each other's throats." _Thank you so much, Grandma, _I silently said to myself.

"Lionel," Grandma continued, "I know how you feel. I know how hurt and angry and _devastated _you are about what's happening to Mia because I feel the exact same way. We all do. You're not alone in that. And I, too, am hurt that we had to find out about this through investigating rumors on the palace grapevine; that she didn't come to us and talk to us about this in person. But Lionel, at the end of the day, you have to realize that Mia is just simply being Mia. It's her way. It has always been so important to her to protect the people she loves from pain because nobody was able to protect her when she was raped as a child. You know perfectly well what an enormous heart Mia has, and that she's always putting others before herself and trying to protect others. Her big heart is the very reason you fell in love with her. You cannot get angry at your wife or blame her now for simply being who she is."

After Grandma said that, I heard Lionel break down and cry, and it was then that I _had _to get away because I just couldn't bear to hear any more. I went to my own suite then and kicked off my shoes and laid down on my bed and just had myself a good, long cry. A few minutes into my good, long cry, Grandma came in, and I was so heartbroken I didn't even try to stop my tears and compose myself. I was felt so bad, both physically and emotionally, that I just didn't have the strength to.

"Oh, baby," she whispered after she sat down on the side of my bed, rubbing my arm while I sobbed. "You overheard everything, didn't you?" I nodded in response, and Grandma just lovingly held my hand for several more moments and let me cry like I needed to. "You know what I'd really like to do now, sweetheart?" she asked me while I was still crying my heart out, and I shook my head. "I'd really like to hold you."

Naturally, when she said that, I sat up and let her put her arms around me. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I'd been holding it all in for so long, and I just wasn't strong enough to be strong anymore. I was too tired to keep carrying what I'd been going through alone, so I started opening up to Grandma. To Mommy.

"It's been so hard," I told her through my tears. "When I first decided to leave, I knew it was something I had to do; that I couldn't put you guys through all of this."

"Oh, my darling girl," Grandma whispered.

"But as the time to leave has been getting closer, it's really been killing me knowing that I would have to leave you all behind; knowing that I would never see you again in this life." When I said that, Grandma hugged me even tighter. "And on top of that, I've been so sick today. Physically speaking, I really feel awful. And on top of _that_, when I was going to come into your suite a little while ago, I overheard you guys talking outside in the hallway and I heard how angry Lionel was. And it only makes everything so much worse knowing that he doesn't understand."

"I had a good talk with him, my love, and he _does _understand. It's just so hard for him to accept what's happening to you. It's hard for _all _of us to accept because you are so precious. _So _beautiful. And we love you _so _much. But even though it's hard for us to lose you, you cannot stop the pain of this by shutting us all out. It may hurt us so much to lose you, but the thought of us not being able to be there to help you through it hurts us even more. Sweetheart, I know how important it's always been to you to protect the people you love from pain, and I know that you really want to protect us from the pain of…" Grandma started to say, but then she allowed the sentence to trail, unable to bring herself to finish it.

"From the pain of seeing me die," I finished.

"Yes. And we don't want to see that happen either. But sometimes, what we _want_ and what we _need _are two entirely different things. You may not _want _us to be there, but you _need _us. And we may not _want _to see this happen to you, but since it is and there's nothing we can do about it, we _need _to be there to hold you; to comfort you; to be with you. Please stop trying to carry this all by yourself, little one. Please."

It was then that, after giving me a questioning look and I nodded my permission, Grandma used her gift with me as she'd done many times through the years. And inside, suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge of how much she loved me and how deeply she valued me, and despite how horrible I'd been feeling that day, that still brought me so much joy. A few seconds later, after her mind really digested how terrible things had been for me recently, both physically and emotionally, I felt her powerful desire to want to do anything she could to make things better for me, and again, my heart just drowned in her love for me, which actually caused me to cry happy tears rather than sad ones. Then Grandma started rocking me, just as she'd rocked me whenever I'd been in a lot of pain when I was in the hospital eight years ago and recovering from being tortured, which was something she knew comforted me a great deal.

"I'm so tired, Grandma," I admitted. "So tired."

"I know, baby girl. I know. I know. Lilly told me what you said a while back about not wanting people to use the expression, 'rest in peace,' once you were in heaven, but I want you to know that now, at this point here in your life on earth, _it is okay _for you to let yourself rest. You need it so badly, baby. _And you deserve it. _You have _more _than earned the right to rest now, so will you please do that for me? Will you please, _please _rest?" I nodded as we continued to rock, and she planted a firm kiss on my cheek. "Thank you," she whispered in my ear.

"I don't want you to go through with the charity ball tomorrow night," she then told me. "I know you want to end your royal life on a better note than when it began, but after all you have been through and all you have done for us, you have got nothing, _nothing_, left to prove to anyone, least of all to me. You are so beautiful and so wonderful in _so _many ways and I am _so _proud of you." To say the least, it was extremely comforting hearing her tell me that. Of course I'd already known she felt that way, but it still felt good to hear her say it.

"Now I want you to let me help you get into something more comfortable so you can get under the covers and lie down and start getting the rest I know you need, and I want you stop worrying about the ball or sneaking off to San Francisco, and I want you to _stop _worrying about us and let us take care of you. And once we get you settled in bed, I'm going to get Dr. Adams up here to have a look at you. I'm worried about all this pressure you're feeling in your chest and I want to make sure everything's alright." I nodded in response as I continued holding onto her, and she kept right on rocking me for several long moments.

But then all of the sudden, out of nowhere, the annoying pressure I'd been feeling in my chest that day became the intense, crushing _agony _of an elephant sitting on it. I was instantly reminded of the agony I'd endured eight years ago, and how it was made so much worse by the isolation. Of course I'd known that the Lord was there with me through it all, but it made it so much worse having to go through it without another person by my side. For quite a few times during the torture, before my lungs were damaged by the drowning, I screamed out for my mother. This time, I didn't have the breath to cry out for my mother even once.

But this time, that was okay, because I didn't need to. Yes, that elephant on my chest was causing me agony, but it was easier this time because Mommy was right there with me. Thanks to her God-given gift, I didn't even need to try to speak to tell her what was wrong. She already knew, and before she did anything else, she reached for the phone on my nightstand and called for Dr. Adams to come to my suite. Then after putting the phone down, she began holding me and rocking me again, just as she had been before. With what breath I _could _get, I cried tears of pain and she cried right along with me.

"Oh, baby, I know it hurts," she said as she cried with me. "I know it hurts. I know. I know. But it's going to be alright. We're going to get through this. Oh, I love you so much, little one. _So much. _I promise you, we're going to make this awful pain stop. Mommy's right here with you this time. Mommy's right here. _Mommy's_ _right here._"

In that next instant, the doors of my suite burst open and Lionel, Joseph, and Lilly all burst in. Lionel and Joseph had obviously received news of Grandma's call to Dr. Adams through their earpieces.

In the following moment, I lost consciousness.

When I opened my eyes again about eight hours later, I knew things had drastically changed. Even though I'd had to rely on other people's help to walk from one place to another and was continually short of breath before, now, every last ounce of my physical strength was gone, and so was whatever small bit of independence I still had left. I had an I.V. in my arm delivering medication, and the big queen-sized hospital bed they'd had moved into my suite, I instantly realized, would be my deathbed. There would be no getting out of it, at least not under my own physical power. And when it came to speaking, I was in the same boat. I'd still had enough wind to be able to hold down a conversation with others before, but now, _every breath _took a considerable amount of effort on my part, and the nasal cannula I'd been using for extra oxygen had been replaced with an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth, but it wasn't entirely helpful.

What _was _helpful, however, was looking around and seeing everybody I loved either standing or sitting around my bed. Lionel was sitting on my left side holding my hand, and Mommy and Daddy were standing just behind him, and Lilly, Kip, Uncle Pierre, and Sebastian were standing to the right side of my bed, and Charlotte was sitting in a chair on my right. I could just _see _it on all their faces that they loved me so much and that I meant so much to them, and I knew it was okay; that I didn't need to worry about trying to work up the strength to express all my love for them now. They already knew.

"Hey, gorgeous," Lionel whispered, and then he bent over and lovingly kissed my forehead. I knew the moment he did that that everything was okay between us again; that he was no longer angry at me for making plans to leave. "I know that you overheard me yelling earlier," he said then. "Lilly was right, baby. _I was _being a moron, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I upset you." When he told me that, I started to reach up to take my mask off so I could tell him it was okay, but he stopped me, taking my hand in his and tenderly bringing it to his lips. "Don't take your mask off, baby. Don't try to talk now. You don't need to say anything. Just rest." I quickly drifted off to sleep again after he said that.

I woke up again that morning, and everyone was still at my bedside, surrounding me. I could see it that they hadn't left all night. Lionel was lying next to me, and Grandma and the others were sitting in chairs around my bed. Lionel was still asleep, but Grandma was watching me closely and when I opened my eyes, she was keenly aware of it, which really touched me. I really meant _so _much to her.

"Hey, Mia," she said with the warmest whisper after she got up from her chair, walked up to the left side of my bed, sat down, and cupped my cheek with her hand. "It's Mommy," she whispered with the most loving smile. The words, _I love you, Mia _were just written all over her face. "Mommy's here, little one. Mommy's here."

I took my mask off then and said, "Heart attack?"

The pain was evident on Mommy's face when I asked, and even more so in her answer when she replied, "Yes, my love. Because your lungs have been too badly damaged to supply your heart with the oxygen it needs, you had another heart attack…a massive one. You're a very sick little girl," she whispered as she lovingly tucked a few loose strands of hair behind my ear, and it hurt me because it was _so obvious _how much she loved me and what this was doing to her. I wanted to be strong and make it better for her somehow, but after our last conversation, I knew I needed to stop and rest and lean on her now, and I also knew that that was okay.

"How long?" I asked, and she almost visibly winced at the question. I knew it hurt her and I hated that, but I needed to know.

"Days," she gasped. "Maybe less."

I shook my head in protest. I wasn't afraid of dying; I knew where I was going in the end, but I wasn't ready for everything to end _now_. I really had my heart set on being there when the twins were born, and Charlotte wasn't due until the first week of February. But more than anything else, though, I _couldn't _go before Christmas. If I died before, or heaven forbid, _on _Christmas Day, obviously, Christmas would be ruined for my little ones and I couldn't allow that.

"I…won't…go…now," I gasped, but even though I was so sick, I knew Grandma could see how determined I was. Of course I knew perfectly well that the time of my death was ultimately the Lord's decision and not mine, but if I could possibly help it, _I would _hold on until the Christmas holidays were over and the babies were born. "I won't…ruin…my girls' Christmas." As a fellow mother herself, Grandma gave me an understanding nod. "The twins," I gasped out a moment later, and again Grandma nodded.

"I understand, sweetheart," she assured me, and I could see it in her face that she admired me for being so stubborn about it. She took my hand then and squeezed it and said, "We'll hold on together. We'll make it."

"You…believe…in…me?" I asked. I knew how much she loved me and I knew she did believe in me, but I needed the extra encouragement of _hearing _her say it now.

"Always, little one. Always. _Always_," she whispered, and then she leaned in and kissed my cheek. Hearing her say "Always" just _once_ would have been encouraging and helpful. Hearing her say it twice would have given me an even stronger boost of confidence. But hearing her say it _three times? That _gave me a cocktail of encouragement, confidence, and _joy _that just couldn't be beat. Things were _so _different between us now. This was _not _the same woman who, years ago, used to ask Joseph about me, "Does she have the makings of a queen?" at the drop of a hat whenever I made a mistake. This was not the same woman who just immediately jumped the gun and stopped believing in me when I didn't always handle things perfectly. _This _was a woman, _a mother_, whose love for me and belief in me could _never _be shaken, and that helped and healed my spirit beyond what words could describe. "You are so precious," Mommy whispered in my ear in that next moment, which only added even _more _icing on the cake. I realized then that I actually was _so _glad I didn't try to sneak away to San Francisco after all. Having the family here, and especially Grandma, was _unbelievably _helpful to my heart and soul now.

For the next several weeks, I held on. The doctors didn't think I could do it, but I think it was largely thanks to the fact that Grandma, Lionel, Joe, and everyone else believed in me as much as they did that I was able to hold on through the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Every breath really was hard work, and I was _so _tired, but I knew I couldn't stop fighting. Not yet, although it was a very hard journey. Speaking became practically impossible during that time, and there were times when the doctors had to actually give me a local anesthetic and literally draw out all the extra fluid on my lungs with a needle. Thanks to the anesthetic, it wasn't too traumatic, but it was still an uncomfortable process.

And more than anything else, I found that as much as it hurt me, I simply could not participate in life anymore. It seemed that quite _literally_, the only thing I was capable of doing was sleeping. I couldn't even _talk _to the people I loved and have a conversation with them anymore. All these dear people almost _never _left my suite, sleeping in chairs or even in sleeping bags on the floor, because they loved me so much that they did not want to leave my side, and there was only a _tiny _bit that I could do for them in return. Mommy knew how soothing and comforting it was for me to be rocked, and so she would often have one of the men pick me up out of my bed and put me in the big rocking chair in my suite, and either she or Lionel were almost _always _rocking me. The few times that I would be awake, sometimes, I'd be able to work up the strength to reach up and touch their faces or reach out and hold their hands. But even though I could only give them such small gestures as that to let them know how much I appreciated their presence, I could see it in their faces that it meant a great deal to them. Whatever I did in that time, no matter how tiny or seemingly insignificant, always seemed to be enough, and _always _seemed to have an important impact on them somehow.

There were other things besides rocking that I also found deeply helpful and comforting. For one thing, they called my stepfather, Patrick O'Connell, and had him send over a bunch of Mom's old paintings, which were then displayed all over my suite. That was particularly comforting because every time I would look around my suite and see one of Mom's paintings, I would feel closer to her. Patrick actually was able to come over to Genovia with my baby brother Trevor for a brief visit during the holidays as well, which also meant a great deal to me. I was really amazed at how much Trevor had grown since I'd seen him last. While he looked a lot like my stepfather, there was so much of Mom's spirit in him.

But while I took a lot of comfort in the visit from my stepfather and baby brother, Mom's paintings, and other things, _nothing _gave me as much joy and comfort as seeing my little girls' faces. Whenever they were in the room with all the rest of us, albeit only for a few minutes at a time as it would naturally be too hard for a four-year-old and a six-year-old to stay cooped up in my suite for very long, their mere presence alone filled me with _so_ much happiness. Even though I wasn't always strong enough to stay awake to listen to them like I really wanted to whenever they were there and trying to tell me about their day, I just couldn't get enough of staring into their little faces whenever _I could _stay awake. In addition to all the love and support from everyone else, it was also just the mere sight of those gorgeous little faces alone that gave me the will to keep fighting.

Finally, on the morning of the ninth of January, as I was curled up with Mommy in the big rocking chair and she was rocking me, Charlotte broke the silence of the room with a sudden, "Uh oh!"

"What is it, honey?" asked my Uncle Pierre. They were both sitting together on my loveseat.

"My water just broke."

"Okay, sweetheart. Okay. Let's just stay calm," my uncle said, trying so hard not to sound nervous – and _not _succeeding.

Charlotte chuckled a bit and said, "I'm calm, Pierre. I'm calm. Everything's alright. We still have plenty of time to get to the hospital."

"I'll have security bring a car around," said Joe.

I took off my oxygen mask then and looked up at Grandma and said, "You and Joe…need to…go…with Charlotte…and…"

"No, Mia, sweetheart," Charlotte interrupted me after she'd walked over to where Mommy and I were. "Pierre will be right there with me. I'll be just fine."

"No," I disagreed. Then I looked up into Mommy's eyes and told her, "A girl…needs her mom…at a time…like this. You're…Charlotte's mom…too. Besides…you don't get…twin grandchildren…every day."

"My love," Grandma whispered. I could see it how strongly hesitant she was to leave my side, but I knew I was right. I knew that now, Charlotte and Uncle Pierre needed her more than I did. And anyway, she and Joe were becoming grandparents again, so it was only right for them to be at the hospital now. They couldn't miss the birth of their newest grandchildren just because of me.

"No, Mia, I really will be alright," Charlotte insisted. "There won't be that much Clarisse and Joseph can do for us from the waiting room. It makes more sense for them to stay here. We'll call from the hospital the moment we have any news."

I gave Mommy and Daddy an even more determined look then as I said to them, "Guys…_go_. It's what…I want." Even though I could see it in their faces that they clearly didn't want to leave me, the moment I said that, it was enough to convince them.

After Lionel took Grandma's place in the rocking chair with me, she and Joe reluctantly left, and on their way out of my suite, Joe bent down and said quietly in Lionel's ear, not thinking that I could hear him, "I want you to call me every hour _on _the hour," and Lionel nodded.

For the next ten hours, I continued to hold on until finally, at 9:54 P.M., Lord Philippe Eduard Renaldi was born, followed by Lady Amelia Marie Renaldi, precisely one minute later. My uncle's full name is Eduard Pierre Louis Antoine Renaldi, and my father's full name is Eduard Christoff Philippe Gerard Renaldi, and they had decided to name their son Philippe after Dad and Eduard after both Dad and Uncle Pierre. They gave their daughter the middle name Marie after Grandma, whose middle name is also Marie, and when I was told that her first name was Amelia, obviously, I was deeply moved. And on top of blessing me with the honor of a namesake, I knew it would mean a great deal to Grandma to have a little Philippe and a little Mia running around the palace in the years ahead.

A few days later, on the thirteenth of January, Charlotte and the twins were discharged from the hospital and allowed to come home, and it was then I met Dad's and my namesakes for the first – and the last – time. Little Philippe was the very picture of his mother, while Little Mia was the image of Uncle Pierre. Grandma was with me in the rocking chair, and Uncle Pierre and Charlotte were sitting in chairs in front of us when I first met them that day, holding the babies close to me where I could get a good look at them. There was no way I could work up the strength to hold them, but I greatly enjoyed meeting the newest additions to the Renaldi family and seeing and touching their sweet little newborn faces.

Later that evening, everyone was gathered around my bed as usual, which again, I found comforting. I knew by that point that I wouldn't be there much longer, and I knew that even though it was extremely difficult to speak, it was time for me to start talking to them – to start saying goodbye.

I decided I would start with Daddy, because with him, saying what was in my heart would be very, very simple and to the point. He understood me so well that I knew he would know everything I was trying to convey in my heart to him, how much I loved him, how incredibly much it meant to have a father like him in my life, and how grateful I would always be for everything he did for me, by locking my eyes with his and telling him two simple words.

In that moment, I took my mask off, locked my eyes with my papa, and simply told him, "Thanks, Joey." When I did that, I could easily see it that he was fighting to keep from crying, so I knew that I had gotten through to him everything I meant for him to know. I had hoped that our old joke, me calling him "Joey," would be enough to keep the mood at least a little light, but it wasn't because I could see it that it really got to him.

He shook his head then, walked around and sat down on the left side of my bed, took my hand, and he whispered, "We're not doing this, _mija_. We're not doing this. We're not saying goodbye. _This is not goodbye. _This is just…a little intermission. We're just going to be separated for a little bit of time; that's all. _We will _see each other again. We'll be back together again before you even know it. And we love you; we all love you, _so much_," he gasped as tears came to his eyes. In that moment, everyone was fighting off tears, including me. Lilly, as a matter of fact, was standing in front of my bed next to Kip, his arm around her waist, with tears visibly streaming down her face, which made my heart ache.

After bending over and kissing my cheek, Daddy got up from my bedside and Mommy took his place. She held my hand, and locked her gaze with mine. We didn't even need to say the words "I love you" to each other. It was in her eyes, and I know she saw it in mine too.

"I'm here, little one," she said with _so _much tenderness. "Mommy's here. We all are." I slowly blinked several times then, as my eyelids began to grow heavy once again. "I think my baby girl needs a nap," she whispered.

I took my mask off and teased, "I…just…woke up…from…one…silly."

Mommy responded to my mischief by pretending to look offended and giving me a stern glance, but again, the words, "I love you, Mia," were just _dripping _off her and I knew she was enjoying kidding with me. "Did you just call me silly, young lady? Are you sassing your mommy?" she asked, playful warmth obvious in her voice, and I nodded after I put my mask back on. "Somebody is being crazy like her Grandfather Rupert," she teased, and the moment she said that, I saw Joe start vehemently shaking his head and pointing both fingers at Grandma. And while I wasn't strong enough to laugh at Joe's and Grandma's banter, I was able to smile. "I know you're pointing at me, Joseph," Grandma teased again, and everyone laughed.

Grandma then told me, "Seriously, little one, go back to sleep. You're the Queen. You can take as many naps as you like."

I squeezed her hand then, and drifted off to sleep again for several more hours.

It was about two-thirty the next morning when I woke up again. Lionel was curled up beside in bed asleep, as was everyone else but Grandma. Grandma was still sitting on the side of my bed, holding my hand. By this time, I had completely lost _all _ability to speak. It was literally impossible for me now, which I hated, because I really wanted to tell Grandma to get some sleep along with everyone else. I knew she wouldn't, though. I knew better than anyone how stubborn she was.

Yet in another way, it was actually a good thing that she was awake while everyone else was asleep because it gave us the chance for one final conversation alone. To say the least, hearing what she had to tell me was helpful and moving beyond words. There are simply no words in the English language to describe the impact her words had on me.

"Hey, there," she whispered. "Mommy's here, baby girl. Everything's alright. Mommy's staying right here." Again, I squeezed her hand.

"You know, little one," she continued a moment later, "there are…so many things throughout our relationship that…I know I did wrong. So many things I should have done differently. So many things I shouldn't have said to you, and even more things I _should _have said to you but didn't, especially in our first few years with each other." I put my index finger over her lips then, hoping to silence her, because the last thing I wanted was for her to start beating herself up now. A second later, she gently took my hand away from her lips and said, "No, sweetheart, let me finish. It's important that I say this to you. I know in the past, I used to jump to such unfair conclusions about you without having all the facts straight first. And I know what a snob I used to be, and how much I looked down on you when you were younger for completely _stupid_, superficial reasons. I wasn't even aware of it at the time that I was like that, but I know _you sensed _those feelings from me, and I know that only made your pain _so _much worse than it ever had to be. I want you to know, little one, that I am _so _sorry I made it worse. I am _so sorry _for all those years I made things harder instead of easier for you. I'm so sorry I didn't help you to believe in yourself more, and for every single time I ever made you feel like you weren't good enough. _You are more _than good enough, my angel. _More _than good enough." Obviously, by now, I had tears streaming down my face, but what I was feeling in that moment was _nothing _compared to how incredible she made me feel inside after hearing what she had to say next.

"When you and I first met," she continued, "I thought that I was coming into your life to teach you how to be royal. I used to believe being royal always meant acting perfect and ladylike all the time and never having a single hair out of place. To me, being royal used to mean doing things like riding a horse sidesaddle while reviewing the Royal Guard and looking pretty and perfect at royal balls. To me, it used to mean always getting table etiquette right and always knowing what to say to diplomats in order to appear charming.

"But after receiving the privilege of really getting to know you, even getting to see inside your mind and understand from _your _perspective all the things you've overcome, I know the truth. My brave, special girl, _you never _needed me to teach you how to be royal because _you _have been royal to your very _core _all along, not because of your Renaldi blood, but because of your _soul_. You didn't first become a royal when you were officially crowned Princess of Genovia, and you didn't first become a queen when you were crowned Queen of Genovia, either. The moment you decided to get up off that floor again after you were raped when you were a little girl," Grandma said as her voice cracked and tears filled her eyes. "That very moment in your life when you decided not to allow that evil piece of filth to defeat you, _that _is the moment you became a queen. Not a princess. _A queen. _Now, I understand that true royalty has nothing to do with how perfect your table manners are or how graceful you are in public or having a perfect physical appearance or riding a horse sidesaddle. True royalty is getting engaged to a man you didn't love for the sake of a grandmother who ignored you and was never there for you for over fifteen years. True royalty is carrying unspeakable pain alone in order to protect your mother. True royalty is the attitude you have always displayed, _never once _allowing your royal status to go to your head and make you think you're above others. True royalty is hiding from your lady's maids to avoid hurting their feelings. True royalty is putting your very _life _on the line for the sake of others. In my ignorance and my arrogance, I used to believe that I was the one teaching you how to be royal. No, little one," she whispered as she lovingly brushed a loose strand of hair back behind my ear. "It's always been you. _You've _always been the teacher, not me. All these years, _you're _the one who taught _me _what it means to be royal. And I have been learning from the greatest queen in human history." Tears had _already _been flowing from my eyes like rivers when Grandma was saying such incredible things to me, but when _Queen Clarisse Renaldi _sat there on the side of my bed, tenderly holding my hand and looking into my eyes, and called me _the greatest queen in human history_, I cried _oceans_.

A couple of moments later, seeing how hard I was crying, Grandma quickly grabbed some tissue and started drying my eyes for me, and she told me, "I'm sorry, little one. I didn't say all that to make you cry. I just really, _really _needed to tell you everything that was in my heart. And this, too, is in my heart. I know why you're still hanging on. You already know that Joseph, Pierre, Charlotte, Lilly, and I will _always _be there for Lionel and the girls and that we _will _get them through this. You know you don't ever have to worry about that. I also know that _I _am the one you're worried about. I know that because of my gift, you understand better than anyone else what it did to me when your father died. And I know that you, my sweet, stubborn little angel, are determined to keep fighting and hanging on no matter how hard or exhausting it gets for you. Well, I want you to know that if you _really _want to do what's best for me, then you will allow yourself to _finally _stop fighting and rest. It may hurt to be separated from you for a while, my love, but as both your grandma and your mommy, it hurts me _so _much worse to see you struggling like this. You have to rest now, baby girl. You have to go to be with the Lord and with your other mommy and daddy again, where you're safe and happy and healthy. It'll be very, very hard for me, but _I will _be alright. You don't have to worry about Mommy. And anyway, like Daddy said, this is just an intermission. It's not goodbye. We'll all be together again before you even know it."

That was _exactly _what I needed to hear in order to give myself permission to stop fighting. It really tore me up that I had to leave them, and Grandma especially after everything she'd already been through, but I just simply couldn't work up the strength to keep holding on anymore. Both my body and my spirit _ached _for rest. But even though I was _so _ready to let go and go home to Jesus and my other parents, there was one last thing I wanted to hold on for if I possibly could, which I conveyed to Grandma when she used her gift with me a minute later. Before I left, I wanted to see one last sunrise if it was at all possible.

Grandma nodded when she learned this, and she told me, "We'll get there, baby. We'll get there."

It was around six o'clock when the sun began making its appearance that winter morning. Grandma woke everybody else up then and had them move the big rocking chair up in front of my bedroom window, and then Lionel picked me up and carried me over to the chair and put me in it beside Grandma. Then Grandma had someone bring a blanket over to us so I wouldn't be cold, and she wrapped me up in it. For the next several minutes after that, I watched the most beautiful blue, pink, lavender, and orange sunrise take form, while all the people I loved the most sat around me and silently watched it with me.

At 6:20 A.M., I knew I couldn't stay awake any longer, so I put my head down on Grandma's chest and closed my eyes while she held me close and rocked me. Then I heard Grandma whisper, "I think somebody needs a lullaby," and in that moment, she began to "sing-speak" as she called it.

"Some girls are fair," she whispered. "Some are jolly and fit. Some have a well-bred air or a well-honed wit. You are…the rarest jewel…with your own…singular shine. A work of art with your own rare, rare design. Dearest little girl…you have made us…so terribly blessed. And it's your heart of gold we love the best. And that will be your crowning glory…for all of time. It'll always be your crowning glory. The most glorious part…of you."

At 6:22 A.M. on January 14th, 2016, once Grandma finished her beautiful lullaby to me; after fighting the good fight and keeping the faith, I officially finished the race.


	21. Two Roses

**Note to readers:** Once again, tissues are definitely a must, so keep that in mind. Also, if you guys will recall, _waaaaaaay_ back in Ch. 8, _Support_, when Princess Rosie was born, I mentioned that Queen Clarisse had her own special rose which was a shade of mauve, and that Queen Mia had her own rose, which was an off-white color. It might seem like a small, insignificant detail, but it is actually an important detail to keep in mind while reading this chapter. **Thank you** for the kind reviews and the support. It is **always** very appreciated. And again, I realize this chapter, like Ch. 20, is really sad. Just please, hang in there with me. After this, we've got one more chapter to go and all this will make more sense once you read the last chapter. Again, thank you, and I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_Clarisse_

When Mia rested her little head on my chest at twenty minutes after six that morning, I knew we were getting close. She'd fought so hard, so bravely, this past month, but I knew she simply could not keep holding on much longer. Her poor little body had been through _so _much these past several years and even though losing my precious little one tore me apart, I couldn't bear to go on watching her fighting for every breath. I knew how badly my sweet little girl needed to stop fighting and rest, and as much as it did hurt, when she _finally _stopped fighting and let go; when she let out one last breath at twenty-two minutes after six that morning and didn't take another one, for _her_ sake, I was actually relieved. I was happy for her that she finally left her sick, broken little body behind and was now with the good Lord and Philippe and Helen in heaven, where _nothing _could ever hurt her again.

After we'd gotten her situated in the rocking chair with me in front of her window so she could watch the sunrise that morning, Lionel, Joseph, Lilly, and her husband Kip sat nearby, watching the sunrise with Mia and me. When Mia let out that last breath at 6:22, we all waited anxiously to see if she was going to take another one.

When, after several long moments, she didn't, Lionel said, "Oh, God. I think this is it."

"No," Lilly said, vehemently shaking her head. "No, it can't be. _It can't be. _Not yet. Come on, Mia. Breathe," she practically barked in Mia's ear. "Take another breath. You can do it. Come on."

"Oh, no," said Kip. "Lilly, I think this really _is _it."

Joseph quickly got up then and felt for a pulse on Mia's neck. A moment later, he felt for one on her wrist. Then he looked at all of us and shook his head. And when he did that, Lilly just started falling apart.

"No! No! This isn't it! This can't be it! We can't lose her! Not now! We have to do something! We have to get one of the nurses in here to start C.P.R."

"We can't do that, Lilly," Lionel told her, his eyes filled with heartbroken resignation. "Mia and I talked about this several times after we first found out she was dying, and she made it perfectly clear that she did _not _want any form of life support or resuscitation when she went. She told me that when her time came, she wanted us to let her go. I know you don't want to let her go. Neither do I. But for Mia's sake, we've got to."

"_No! _No, we have to do something! We have to help her! She needs our help!"

"_We are _helping her, Lilly," I quietly told her. "We're helping her by letting her rest." After I said that, Lilly broke down into sobs and rushed out of the suite, crying loudly while Kip followed after her.

I said nothing for the next ten minutes or so. I simply continued to rock Mia and hold her close, even though I knew she was gone now. Eventually, I whispered in her ear, "It's alright, little one. It's all over now. All the pain. All the sadness and heartache this world has caused you. All the nightmares. The illness. All those terrible things are behind you now. Nothing, and no one, will _ever _hurt you again. You just forget all about it, and be happy now. Be at peace. Enjoy yourself up there while you're waiting for us. And don't you _ever _forget how much I love you."

After a long pause for a few moments, I then asked Lionel, "Lionel, would you like to hold her for a little while?" Lionel nodded, so I got up out of the rocking chair and he took my place and began to hold Mia.

"Clarisse," Joseph whispered after I got up, and then he gave me a long, warm hug.

"Come on, Joseph. I think we should give Lionel some privacy."

"You're right," he agreed, and then he started walking out of Mia's suite.

"Take your time, Lionel," I told him just before I left, and he nodded.

Once I was standing out in the hallway with Joseph, he said to me, "I'll go tell the girls."

I nodded and said, "I think I just need to be on my own for a bit. I'll go take a walk outside."

Joseph nodded, and then he gave me another long hug and a kiss and said, "I love you, Clarisse."

"I love you, too," I said, and then while he went to go get the girls up to talk to them, I headed outside.

When I walked out of the palace, I saw that the sun was still rising, and that the winter sky was still incredibly beautiful. One would think that at a time like that, I would be grief-stricken and sadder than ever, and possibly angry because Mia was gone, but strangely enough, as I looked at that sunrise, I couldn't really _feel_ anything. Perhaps I was so stunned by the fact that it had finally happened after all the struggles with her health through the years that I was actually too numb to feel. All I could think as I stared at the sky that cold morning was, _Lord, take care of my baby._

"Clarisse!" I suddenly heard Charlotte's voice call. It had taken her a while, but now, she was finally getting used to calling me by my first name rather than "Your Majesty."

"Mother!" I heard Pierre call.

I turned around then and saw the two of them in their pajamas, robes, and slippers, running up to me. (After bringing the twins home from the hospital, they'd stayed in their own suite with the babies at night and not with the rest of us in Mia's suite.) I held my arms out to both of them, and they gave me the biggest hug.

Pierre kissed the top of my head and said, "Mother, _I am so sorry_."

"We just heard," said Charlotte a few moments later after the hug ended. "We are _so _sorry."

"Thank you. Thank you both, but I'm okay. I'll be alright. The most important thing is, Mia's not trapped in that body anymore. She'll never be cold or tired again, and she will _never _have to fight for another breath. I think knowing that is…what's going to get me through this."

"Yeah," Charlotte said with an understanding nod.

"And speaking of being cold, Mother, let's get you inside before _you _get too cold. Why don't I make you a nice cup of hot chocolate in the kitchen, huh?"

"Thank you, Pierre," I said as we all started walking back inside, "but I'm not really in the mood to eat or drink anything right now."

"Nobody ever is, but you have to eat and drink in times like these anyway so you don't make yourself sick," he insisted.

"Very well," I sighed, not feeling like trying to argue with him.

When we came into the kitchen, I sat down at the kitchen table with Charlotte while Pierre made some hot chocolate for all of us. Kip came in a couple of minutes later and joined us.

"How's Lilly doing?" I asked him after he sat down at the table.

"Well to be perfectly honest, Your Majesty, she's pretty torn up. I mean, Lilly and Queen Mia weren't just friends or best friends, even. They loved each other like sisters."

"I know they did," I agreed.

"She's pulled herself together, though. She and Lionel are with Joseph now, talking to Princess Claire and Princess Rosie," he said and I nodded.

"I've just finished making some hot chocolate for everybody, Kip. Would you like a cup?"

"Thank you very much, Your Highness, but I'm fine."

"You don't have to be so formal," Pierre told Kip as he brought some hot chocolate over to Charlotte and me. "I'm just 'Pierre' now, not 'Your Highness.'"

"Sorry. It's just habit. I know Lilly was best friends with the Queen and all, and Queen Mia actually told me herself a long time ago to drop the titles and call her by her first name, but it just didn't feel like the right thing to do."

"Yes, even though she was the reigning queen of our country, Mia still preferred to be on a first-name basis with everyone she met. That was her way," I said. "She was amazing."

Charlotte put her hand on top of mine then and said, "And she always will be." When she told me that, I smiled and nodded.

After Pierre brought his own cup of hot chocolate to the table and sat down with us, he asked, "Do you know anything about the kind of funeral arrangements Mia wanted, Mother? I mean, obviously, we have to have a state funeral since she was the Queen, but is there anything specific she wanted?"

"According to Lionel, Mia wrote a letter to the family explaining everything that she wanted to be done. I assume Lionel will read it to us later on today so that we can get started taking care of everything."

"The press will certainly go crazy over it," Charlotte said with obvious annoyance. After all her years with us, she'd come to loathe the media as much as I did.

"Oh, yes," I agreed. "The Genovian press, the American press, the British, the rest of Europe. Every reporter in the _world _is going to go just as insane over this as they did over the death of Princess Diana. We'll really have to tighten down on security for Lionel, Claire, and Rosie. If we don't keep them protected, the press won't give them a moment's peace."

"The press never gives _anybody _a moment's peace in our family," Pierre complained.

"True, but it's imperative that we protect Claire and Rosie as much as humanly possible," I said. "And speaking of Claire and Rosie, I'd better go upstairs and spend some time with them. Thanks for the hot chocolate, Pierre."

"You're very welcome, Mother," he said, and then I got up and left to go find Lionel and the girls.

The next several hours I spent with Joseph and Lionel trying to console the girls were, to put it mildly, long and heartbreaking. It was hard for all of us to get them to eat something later on in the day, but we eventually did, and then we got them to lie down and take a nap. Once we got the girls to sleep at about one-thirty that afternoon, we all gathered together in Mia's office so Lionel could read her last letter to us. The letter said:

_Dear everyone,_

_If Lionel is reading this letter to you now, then that means I'm not with you anymore. It also means that my final arrangements need to be taken care of, so I'm going to just come right out and tell you all what I want done and keep it nice, short, and simple. I don't want a funeral or any kind of memorial service. I know that must seem like a very unusual thing for a queen, but just hear me out. Let's just be perfectly honest for a second and admit the truth: funerals are a drag! They're sad, painful, and in my opinion, boring and unnecessary events. And besides, I don't want to be remembered for an hour in some dreary kind of memorial service. I'm greedy. I want more than that. I want to be remembered every single day. If you really want to honor my memory, don't do it for just an hour at a funeral. Honor my memory every day by loving all the people around you. Give a sad person a hug. Listen to someone who has a problem and needs to vent about it. Do something nice and thoughtful for someone else for absolutely no reason at all. That's the way I want you to honor my memory. And please don't let anybody send flowers either. If people want to honor my memory, I don't want their money wasted on flowers. I want that money spent on something a lot more practical, like a donation to the Pyrus Women's Shelter or the local hospital or some other worthy cause. I realize this request is flying in the face of hundreds of years of Genovian royal tradition, but it's what I want. _

_The same thing goes for my burial. I don't want to be buried with all the other Genovian royals. I want to be buried at sea – either in an environmentally-friendly casket or cremated, your choice – near the Love Shack. I want this because, like with funerals, when people think of going to visit a loved one's grave in a cemetery, it's sad and painful. When you guys visit my grave in the future, I don't want it to be all sad and painful. I want it to be an occasion where you guys go spend a day together at the beach as a family, have fun, and watch the sun setting over the ocean. (I also want to give Grandma and Joe the perfect excuse to visit the Love Shack more often!) _

_I'm only going to say a couple of quick things before I go. I love you all more than anything, and I don't want you to be sad. (That especially goes for you, Grandma.) I know you're naturally going to feel some sadness and grieve, but please, please, don't grieve too long. Move on with your lives. Love the Lord and each other. Help Lionel take care of my girls. Be happy. And Grandma, please don't wear black. I know you wore black all the time after Grandfather Rupert and Dad died, and the thought of you wearing black because of me really hurts my heart, so please don't._

_Until we meet again,_

_Mia_

When Lionel finished reading Mia's letter to us, we all simply remained quiet for several long moments, reflecting on the wisdom of her words. In the end, I really was not at all surprised to hear the things she had to say. It was just like Mia to want to spare us the sadness of a funeral and to inspire us to remember her by spending our lives loving the Lord and each other, as she'd said. It truly was far better for us to let our acts of kindness towards others be our ongoing memorial to her, rather than a depressing funeral service. And again, the thought of going on an outing to the beach, spending the day with Joseph, Lionel, Claire, and Rosie, and ending it by watching the sun setting over the sea, was a far more appealing way of visiting Mia's resting place than going to a cemetery and reading her name inscribed on a cold grave. The more I thought about it, the more deeply I respected my granddaughter for her sweetness, thoughtfulness, and creativity. My Mia really was and always would be one in a billion.

"That's just like Mia," I said quietly after our long silence. "Always trying to make things less painful for all of us."

"Indeed," Joseph whispered.

"Well, if you all will excuse me, I've got some thinking to do; some decisions to make," said Lionel.

"Of course, son," Sebastian said. He and Sheila rushed to the palace as soon as they heard, and they'd been there listening to Mia's letter as well, along with Pierre, Charlotte, Lilly, and Kip.

At about four that afternoon, I met up with Lionel in Mia's office again and we started talking about the arrangements.

"I realize Mia's request flies in the face of hundreds of years of Renaldi tradition, like she said, but I think we have to honor her final wishes," he told me.

"I think you're absolutely right," I agreed. "The rest of the country may not agree, but this is _our _business, not theirs, even though they seem to think otherwise, especially the press."

"Exactly. I've been looking into it and with Charlotte's help, we found a man who's a pretty hardcore environmentalist who lives in Mertz. He actually makes wicker caskets. If it's alright with you and Joe, I'd really prefer to bury Mia that way rather than have her cremated. I…just can't stand the thought of her body being burned."

"Neither can I. Frankly, I'm relieved you're choosing to go about it this way. I mean, I know Mia's spirit isn't with us anymore and that her body is only an empty shell now, but it still hurts my heart to think of us just burning her body. When it's time for us to lay her to rest, I want it to be something gentler than a cremation, if that makes any sense."

"I know what you mean."

In the next moment, Sebastian came into Mia's office and gave his nephew a hug. Then he asked him, "How you doing, son?"

"I'm hanging in there, Uncle Seb. Besides, I can't fall apart now, right? Not with two little girls to take care of. I have to be strong now, for them and for Mia. It's what she would want."

"I know, and you _are _being strong now. _Very _strong. You're doing great. Just remember, Sheila and I are always here for you, alright?"

"I know."

"And Clarisse, you know we're here for you as well," he told me, and I nodded before we hugged.

"Yes, Sebastian, I do know that, and I thank you." After the embrace ended I assured him, "We'll get through this." I didn't really know yet _how _we all would get through it, of course, but as Mia's grandmother and the former Queen, I knew I had to be strong for everyone now. I couldn't afford to break down in front of anyone else because everybody in the palace was looking to me to be the example. On top of that, as Lionel said, I knew Mia would want me to be strong now, too, and I couldn't let her down.

"I am so very sorry to trouble you both with politics today of all days, but after I announced it to Parliament that you were following the Queen's wishes about not having a funeral, several of the older members started putting up a fuss. I know the palace is going to officially announce the family's plans very soon, and…well…if the people don't support this, how do you want to handle it?"

Lionel shook his head and said, "Regardless of any opposition in Parliament and regardless of the people's opinion, it's like Clarisse said to me a minute ago: this is _our _business, not theirs. No matter what _anybody _says, we stick to our guns and we respect Mia's wishes. Mia says no funeral, so no funeral. That's just how it's going to be." Sebastian nodded and gave Lionel a pat on the back after he said that, and then he left.

An hour later, after it was officially announced in the press that there would be no funeral and that Mia wanted donations sent to charities rather than flowers, there was a strong response from the Genovian people. There had already been a strong response from the rest of the world when the news of Mia's death broke. Nicholas announced it to the press at about nine that morning that as King of Genovia, he was officially declaring today to be a national day of mourning in our country and since then, all flags throughout Genovia were lowered to half-staff. America, Great Britain, and many other countries all over the world did the same. People also began driving with their lights on, even though it was daytime, again to show their respect. But when the people of Genovia learned that there would be no funeral, numerous candlelight vigils were planned that night all over the country in schools, parks, churches, and all kinds of other public places because they felt such a strong need to do something to honor the greatest Queen of Genovia in our nation's history. Similar candlelight vigils were also planned in countries all over the world.

"You know, Joseph," I said to him a little while later in our suite, "I understand why Mia said she didn't want a funeral. She's right. Funerals _are _sad and painful occasions. When Lionel first read her letter to us earlier, I agreed with everything she had to say. But yet, the more I think about these candlelight vigils being held all over Genovia tonight, the more I find myself wanting to go to one so that I can, in _some _way, pay my respects to Mia and show my love for her. Am I making any sense?"

"_Perfect _sense, Clarisse. I understand where Mia was coming from, too. Funerals can be very sad and dreary occasions. But yet, as loathsome as they can be, they _do _serve a purpose. They give the loved ones a chance to say, 'We loved and respected this person and we always will.' They can provide a sense of closure in a way. Now I fully intend to honor Mia's memory exactly the way she wanted us to honor it – through loving the Lord and others every day of our lives, but I can't help but feel that I want to do something more than that right now to show how much she meant to me. Complete strangers are doing special things to honor Mia's memory all over the country, all over the _world_, tonight. We're her family. Why can't _we _do the same?"

"Why don't we just go ahead and make the arrangements with the security staff and notify one of the nearby schools or churches that we'll be attending one of those candlelight vigils? As Mia's family, I can't help but feel that it's the least we could do for her."

"I'll speak to Lionel. If he's okay with it, I'll set it up."

"Thank you, darling," I told Joseph, and then he gave me a long hug and kiss, which did help my hurting heart somewhat.

Lionel agreed with Joseph and me, that he too wanted to attend one of the candlelight vigils for Mia, and after the proper arrangements were made, Joseph, Lionel, Claire, Rosie, Pierre, Charlotte, Lilly, Kip and I all went to the candlelight vigil being held at one of the local schools in Pyrus. We got there at about seven that evening, and to say the least, it was extremely moving. The candlelight vigil was being held in the school gym, and there were posters up everywhere that children and teens of all ages had made, saying how much they cared about Mia and that they would always remember her. Her picture was everywhere, and everyone was holding a lit purple candle, which was Mia's favorite color. There was a band there, and hymns were played and sung, as well as songs written by students themselves in memory of Mia. Several students recited very moving poems they'd written, but what touched me most of all was when individual students, kids of all ages, walked up to the podium and spoke about the impact Mia had had on their individual lives. Many of them had been raped or abused themselves, and they spoke about how her example showed them that they too could rise above the hellish things that had happened to them and go on to live fulfilling, meaningful lives for the Lord, for others, and for themselves. Back when I was Queen, _I never _impacted people's lives like _that. _As a queen, my granddaughter had indeed surpassed me be far, and as a grandma, realizing that made me _so _proud. It really made me feel ashamed of myself to think that there had once been a time in our lives when I'd doubted her ability to be a good queen.

Finally, at about eight-thirty, I was asked to walk up to the podium and say something to the people. I wasn't at all in the mood for it, of course, but at the same time, the request hardly caught me by surprise. I'd been pretty sure all along that as Mia's grandmother and the former Queen, it would be expected of me to say something to everyone. As I walked up to that podium that night, I made the decision that for the first time _ever _in my entire life as a royal, instead of being all polite and diplomatic, I would get up in front of all those kids, teachers, and parents, and just tell the truth. _For once _in my life, I would say to the Genovian people _exactly _what was on my mind.

After I was introduced and the applause died down, I spoke into the microphone, "Thank you. Thank you all very much for coming out here tonight and honoring my baby, and thank you for giving my family and me the chance to do the same. To be perfectly honest, words alone are not enough to describe the _remarkable _impact my granddaughter had, on both the country of Genovia, and on me personally. Usually, it's up to the grandparents to be the teachers, the mentors; to set the good example, but in my relationship with Mia, it was reversed. _She _was _my _teacher; _my _example. In the end, I had far more things to learn from my little girl than she did from me.

"One of the biggest, most important lessons my granddaughter taught me has to do with our faith. As you all know, she was a born-again Christian, as am I, and as a Christian, she forced me to wake up to some horrifying facts about the worldwide Christian church as a whole. For most of my life, I blindly believed that if a person was being abused, he or she could go to their local church for help. For _all _of my reign as Genovia's ruler, _I blindly and stupidly _believed that while abuse was tragic, it was not a very big problem for Genovia. After all, this is such a tiny, sweet, God-fearing country, right? How could a network of abusers, using our system of laws to actually enable each other and prevent their victims from leaving and getting help, _possibly _happen in an innocent country like ours? Had it not been for the powerful strength and courage of my granddaughter, _I never _would have learned the painful truth about the way abusers in churches throughout Genovia have been _crushing _their victims for _years_ and using their positions in their churches and in the workplace in order to do so.

"How did they do it? How did they get away with it, undetected, for so many years? The answer is tragic, but simple: _they were enabled by Christians. _And while many Christians do tend to look on me as a leader, the tragic truth about me is, I am _just _as guilty of enabling abuse, _nationwide _abuse, in this country, as a lot of other professing Christians have been. I believed _lies _about this issue because they were _comfortable _lies for me to believe – that abuse was just simply not that much of a problem in Genovia. All my life, I was raised to be the perfect lady; to be a good little girl; to always be diplomatic, and no matter what, to _never, ever _rock the boat or make waves. So that's what I did when I became the sole ruler of Genovia. I avoided controversy at all cost, and I did what my late husband, King Rupert, told me to do: focus more on Genovia's economy than anything else. I never _once _stopped to think about how abuse victims were _really _treated in our country, even though I was _supposed _to be its Queen. I stayed comfortable, just like _countless _other professing Christians in countless other churches throughout Genovia, and the world. The _tragic _fact is, for _anyone _suffering abuse, most churches simply are not reliable places to turn to. For an abused wife, it is far more likely that she's going to get the Ephesians 5 verses and other similar verses about submission shoved down her throat, and for an abused child, it'll be the Fifth Commandment that gets used to shut them up. So many churches and Christians are _rife _with prejudice against women and children and they're not the least bit aware of it, and it is that ongoing sexism and prejudice against young people that continues to fuel the fires of abuse throughout this world. Thankfully, there are _some _churches and Christians out there who _do _get it right when it comes to abuse, but they are still _very _far and few between, and I know that fact must really make Jesus weep. It certainly makes _me _weep.

"But Mia did something no other royal in Genovian history has done: she left the palace, and she rolled up her sleeves and got _personally _involved in the lives of individual Genovians, and that changed everything. Thanks to her example and thanks to the Protection Act she was instrumental in creating and getting passed, abusers lost much of their power in Genovia and they continue to lose their power today. Those first couple of years of Mia's reign that she snuck of the palace to go do volunteer work at the Pyrus Women's Shelter in secret, some might say was nothing but reckless and irresponsible behavior for a royal. _I _say that it was the most courageous thing _any _Renaldi has ever done.

"It's painful to admit this now, but the hard truth is, while I _always _loved my granddaughter, as a royal, I didn't always _like_ her because she was so different from me. She didn't always play by the rules. She had her own way of doing things, and she was _never_, by _any _means, what you would expect out of a Renaldi royal. I didn't like that. I didn't like the unexpected. I didn't like someone who was not easy to keep under control. I didn't like it that Mia was _precisely _the kind of person to rock the boat and make waves and _not _always be a good little girl who stayed in line. As it turned out, it was those very qualities in her, her independent mind, her knack for always doing the most unexpected things in the _most _unexpected ways, and the way she always wore her heart on her sleeve, that made her such an outstanding Christian, royal, and human being. I'm just so sorry that it took me as long as it did before I _finally _began to truly appreciate her.

"And on that note, I say _we all _should appreciate Mia. We should show our appreciation for her example by _following _it. If an abused wife comes to you and ask for your help, _do not _throw Ephesians 5 at her and tell her she's not being submissive enough and respectful enough to her husband. It may be frightening and uncomfortable to put yourself in an abuser's line of fire, but _do it anyway _because it's the right thing to do. Open your home to her and keep her safe from her abusive husband, _no matter what _it may cost you. _Do not _send her on her way just to keep yourself comfortable. If an abused child needs to vent to you about the emotional, verbal, or physical abuse he's suffering from a parent, _do not _tell him that he's breaking the Fifth Commandment by expressing _righteous anger_ towards that abusive parent. _Listen to that child, let him vent, treat him with respect, and do not make excuses for the abusive parent. _He may be young, but he deserves honor, respect and consideration _every bit as much _as any adult or parent does. Mia has left us all a _shining _example through the way she lived her life, and through her sacrifice. Now it's up to each one of _us _to decide in our individual lives what we're going to do with it. Thank you."

As I began to step away from the podium, my eardrum nearly burst from all the applause. I was quickly met by the rest of the family on my way back to my seat. Even though we were in public and _I never _would have been at ease with him doing so in the past, now, Joseph grabbed me and gave me the most passionate kiss, and it really comforted me. After the kiss, I could see it that my speech, which I guess could be thought of as a sort of eulogy for Mia, had actually brought my husband to tears, as well as everybody else.

"Mother, what are you trying to do? Put me out of a job?" Pierre teased, and even though it was a solemn occasion, we all allowed ourselves a quick laugh.

I gave my makeshift eulogy at about eight-thirty, and after that, Claire and Rosie really started getting tired so Lionel took them on home for the night. Joseph and everyone else and I stuck around for several more hours, meeting and talking with people, before we finally called it a day ourselves at around midnight and returned to the palace.

Shortly after I woke up (and was practically forced by my husband to eat breakfast) the next morning, I learned from Sebastian that even though the candlelight vigil at the school had been officially closed to reporters and TV cameras, there had been a couple of journalists there, and they'd written down and published my speech word for word. According to Sebastian, it really did have a major impact on a lot of people.

After Sebastian told Joseph and me at the kitchen table about what people were saying about my spur-of-the-moment eulogy, he then informed us that he and Nicholas were going to recommend to Parliament that Claire and Rosie always maintain their places in the royal line of succession, regardless of whether or not he ever got married again and had children of his own. Should Nicholas ever have his own family one day, he had already made it crystal clear to Sebastian that he would still want Mia's children to be ahead of his own in line for the crown. Sebastian was confident Parliament would agree, and while I'd never been the biggest fan of Nicholas because of all the pain and trouble he'd caused Mia in the past, I was touched and grateful that he was doing that. Although our country would be moving on with Nicholas as its ruler and he would officially be crowned King of Genovia in the following week, I was happy that our Claire would remain the Crown Princess of Genovia, and that Rosie would be just behind her in the royal line of succession.

The next day, the sixteenth of January, our whole family went out on the ocean near the "Love Shack" and Mia was laid to rest at sea, just like she wanted. Since she specifically stated that she didn't want any kind of funeral or ceremony, we simply bowed our heads and said a prayer that her spirit would know nothing but joy and peace with the Father and all our other loved ones in heaven.

Later on that evening, after Lionel took the girls back to the palace and everybody else had left, it was just Joseph and me, alone together watching the winter sun setting over the water. We both were bundled up nicely in our coats, so we weren't too cold. We decided to stay the night at the beach house, or the "Love Shack" as Mia preferred to call it, simply because neither one of us were quite ready to leave her behind yet.

Finally, as I stared into Joseph's loving eyes that evening, I knew I was ready. I knew Mia had said no flowers, but I believed that in this case, she would understand and make an exception. We all had to do different things to say goodbye to Mia in our own way, and my way was this: I'd gotten each of our special roses, my mauve rose and her off-white rose, and I'd tied our two roses together with a purple ribbon. It was a way of reminding myself of the promise from Christ that someday, my little girl and I would be together again.

"I think I'm ready now, Joseph. It's time," I told him, and he nodded and squeezed my hand. Then I left his side, walked up to the water, and took the two roses out of my coat pocket. In that next moment, I set them out on the water and watched the waves carry them out to sea.

"Someday, little one," I whispered. "Someday…"


	22. A Better Foundation

**Note to readers: **This last chapter of _Quiet Strength _will not be told from any of the characters' perspectives, but from the third person. There will also be a letter to you all at the end and it's important that you read it. **Buckle your seat belts and prepare for a jolt. **Have fun. ***Wink.***

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_May 11, 2000_

Stunned? Shocked? Overwhelmed beyond belief? Those words didn't even _begin _to cover it the moment Queen Clarisse Renaldi's prophetic vision from the Lord came to a sudden, abrupt end and she was catapulted back into the present time. The gift of prophecy the Lord had given Clarisse had resulted in several brief prophetic glimpses into possible future events or into the minds of others before, but _never, ever _had she experienced _anything remotely close _to this. In just one single hour of time, Clarisse Renaldi actually experienced _the next fifteen years _of the future, not merely from her own perspective, but from the perspectives of others, _simultaneously. _It was beyond a doubt, _the most _intense, powerful vision she had _ever _experienced before.

Clarisse had simply been going about her day as usual. She'd taken the past several weeks off work, attending a lot of counseling sessions with her son Pierre, and working through her grief over the recent loss of her younger son Philippe, and today was the day she'd begun to take on a little more of her workload again. She'd still done counseling with Pierre, but she'd also had a couple of meetings with diplomats and one with Prime Minister Motaz, and a little over an hour ago, just after her workday had officially ended, she'd had dinner and then retired to her suite. And just after the guards at the doors to her suite closed them behind her, the vision began in earnest. She saw _everything. _She saw _precisely _what would happen if she were to just waltz back into her granddaughter's life within the next week or so like she'd originally planned, and try to push her too hard into becoming Princess of Genovia. She saw the _heinous _way abuse was enabled throughout Genovia, and the even _more heinous _way that victims were unable to get the help they needed in her country. And she _also _saw the _equally heinous _result that would eventually have for her granddaughter: it would _literally _end her _life _prematurely. The benevolent warning from the Almighty God was clear: if Clarisse did not want to lose her granddaughter at age thirty-one, changes _had _to be made in Genovia _and_ in Clarisse's mindset, and those changes had to begin _now._

After Clarisse began to catch her breath again, she stumbled over to her bed, kicked off her shoes, and just laid down on her luxurious bed. She didn't even bother to change out of her typical black dress and pantyhose into something more comfortable. She was mentally, emotionally, and physically overwhelmed and she needed to rest, and she needed to rest _now_, so she immediately climbed under the covers.

Clarisse actually slept through the whole night in her designer black dress, and the moment she woke up the next morning, she called Charlotte from her suite and told her that she was not feeling well and that she wanted to cancel all her appointments and her sessions with Pierre for the next two days. She also told her that no matter what, she was not to be disturbed by anyone for any reason; that she was to be left alone while she rested in her suite. Naturally, hearing this really worried Charlotte because Clarisse almost _never _canceled anything, even in times when she was sick. Charlotte asked her if she should send for the palace doctor, but Clarisse assured her that it wasn't necessary, and then she told her that it was just a twenty-four-hour virus, not wanting to tell her the truth, of course, because it was too personal. The only person she _really _felt close enough to discuss her vision with was Joseph, but yet, she didn't even want to talk to _him _now. She hated worrying Joseph and Charlotte, but she knew she simply _had _to take the next couple of days for herself. A truly _enormous _amount of information had been downloaded into her brain in a short period of time, and she needed to have some time alone in order process it all and begin to figure out how to deal with it.

Clarisse spent that first day in meditation and prayer, silently pouring her heart out to God and asking Him to help her understand everything she was supposed to do in response to the vision He'd given her. She thought long, carefully, and very, _very _hard about all the information she'd just learned the night before. Obviously, terrible mistakes had been made by most everyone involved. Clarisse knew it now that the decision she, Philippe, Helen, and Rupert had made together about their family and about her granddaughter had been an unbelievably _disastrous _choice for the poor girl. Clarisse now knew the agonizing truth, that had she and her late husband not pushed so hard for Philippe to divorce Helen, and had her granddaughter grown up in Genovia with _both _her parents the way it _should _have been, Mia never would have been raped as a little child. Clarisse also knew that as a queen, she had in fact served the Genovian people very poorly in some ways by being so willfully naïve about the issue of abuse, and that because abusers had gotten away with so much for so long in Genovia, Mia had inherited those problems as a queen herself when she ascended the throne. And in the version of the future she'd just seen, that had ultimately led to Mia's death. She also knew the hard truth about Mabrey now. She'd always known what a snake he was, of course, but she'd had _no idea _how deeply his evil _really _ran. It had honestly never dawned on her before that he might have anything at all to do with her son's death. And on top of all _those _things was the issue of Helen Thermopolis. Clarisse now knew that Mia's mother had a ticking time bomb inside her brain that if left undetected and untreated, would result in her untimely death in just a few short years as well. It was all powerful information, and she needed to decipher what it was that God wanted her to do with it.

While Clarisse prayed, reflected, and searched the Scriptures for some kind of guidance from the Lord throughout that first day, she knew she wouldn't get anywhere trying to navigate this maze if she were all tense inside, so she did some of the things that helped her relax. She asked for some of her favorite dishes to be sent up to her suite when it was time for meals, and she frequently drank cups of her favorite tea that she'd had the servants bring up to her as well. She also filled the living area of her suite with her favorite scented candles. When she was growing up, her family's maid, Bonnie, often made the most delicious cherry pies that Clarisse really loved, and in recent years, she'd found a special kind of cherry scented candle that gave off an aroma that smelled exactly like her kitchen at home after Bonnie had finished cooking one of her famous cherry pies, so she often kept that kind of scented candles around. She got out several of them and lit them that evening, and very soon, Clarisse felt like she was back in her home kitchen again.

And just as the scent of cherries began filling Clarisse's suite, her phone rang, so she picked it up and said, "Hello?"

"Your Majesty," said the familiar, loving, concerned voice she knew all too well.

"Oh, hello, Joseph," Clarisse answered with a smile. Even though she'd made it quite clear to Charlotte earlier that morning that she did not want to speak with anyone for the next two days, it touched her that Joseph was clearly too concerned for her to follow that order.

"Your Majesty, I realize you made it perfectly clear to Charlotte this morning that you were not to be disturbed until day after tomorrow, and I tried to force myself to obey, but speaking as your worried old friend and not just your bodyguard, I just couldn't last that long." Again, Clarisse smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"You're a dear, Joseph," she told him.

"Just tell me this: are you alright?"

"Physically speaking, yes, I'm fine. I just…" Clarisse began, but then she allowed the sentence to trail because she wasn't sure what to tell him next. Of course she had seen how their relationship had progressed from a longtime friendship to an incredibly beautiful marriage in the version of the future she'd just experienced, but in that moment, she wasn't really sure if she should tell him about it or not. But then in the next couple of seconds after she thought about it a little more, she realized that honesty was always the best policy with Joseph because he knew her so well, she could never really keep anything from him anyway. "Well Joseph," she continued, "do you remember about the special gift I have? Do you remember the vision I had many years ago about Rupert getting killed in an assassination plot that I told you about, and how because of that vision, you were able to put a stop to it and save his life?"

"Yes, I do remember that."

"Well, last night when I came to my suite after dinner, I had _the most _powerful prophetic vision _I have ever had _in my entire life. Frankly, right now, I almost feel like St. John on the island of Patmos. And I'm just taking some time for myself now because what I need most is some time alone to figure things out. I need time to process this. I need one more day."

"Anything you say. I'm just glad you're okay."

"Thank you for being so concerned, but there's no need to worry. I just need a little more time on my own to figure things out. That's all." And then in that moment, realizing that there was no way to avoid it since she couldn't figure out how to deal with Mabrey on her own, and knowing that she would also have to rely on his wisdom to help her figure out what to do about Mia, she said, "Why don't you join me in my suite for breakfast day after tomorrow so we can discuss it? There's a lot of things I really don't think I can figure out without your help. About eight-thirty?"

"I would be more than happy to, Your Majesty."

"I'll see you then."

"I'll be there. And Clarisse?" It always made Clarisse's heart swell with happiness during the few occasions that he would allow himself to drop the titles with her and call her by her first name.

"Yes, Joseph?" she responded, unable to hide the smile he'd just brought to her face.

"Send for me if you need me before then."

Her face and smile brightened at that, and she said, "I will. Thank you. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

After she hung up the phone, Clarisse continued thinking and praying long and hard about her latest vision throughout the rest of the evening and the rest of the following day. In her second day alone, the shock of it all really began to wear off and she actually started _feeling _the true emotional impact of her vision, and because of that, she spent much of that day in tears. Her heart really broke to think that in her ignorance, she had jumped to such unfair conclusions about her granddaughter, disrespected her as much as she did, allowed others to disrespect her, and had made her already _great _inner-pain _so _much worse, in the version of the future the good Lord had allowed her to experience. She had simply been so consumed in her own pain over the recent loss of Philippe and in her own worries over what would happen to Genovia that she never once stopped to consider what her granddaughter might be going through inside. She _certainly _never stopped to think about the kind of damage it must have done to her to have never had any _real _contact with her own father even _once _in her entire life beyond a mere birthday gift every year. _No _birthday present and _no _amount of school tuition money could _ever _make up for having a father who was truly _there for her _every day of her life. And thinking about how she was raped at age nine…it was just beyond what she could imagine.

Clarisse now knew that no matter what, she _could not _go to San Francisco in a few days like she'd been planning to and just waltz back into her granddaughter's life and push her so hard to agree to become Queen someday like she'd foolishly done in the other timeline the Lord had shown her. Her dear, precious little granddaughter was going through _so _much pain herself, and on top of that, she already believed (for good reason) that neither her father nor her grandmother had ever cared anything about her. She could not, _she would not_, disrespect her granddaughter so now, and she _definitely _would not do anything to make the burdens she was already carrying even worse. All of the agony Mia was dealing with inside alone right now, along with the pain of the false messages Clarisse's and Philippe's absence had sent her all these years, _had _to be dealt with _first, well before _she started to deal with the issue of whether or not Mia wanted to become Princess of Genovia_. _Of course she couldn't allow the von Trokens to take over, and handing over the throne to Mabrey until his nephew, Nicholas Devereaux, came of age, was absolutely _not _an option either. She was _very _well aware of the fact that the issue of who would rule Genovia after her was something that had to be dealt with, but at the same time, _she would not _disregard or disrespect her granddaughter and make things even more painful for her than they already were, and before she did _anything _else, _she would make sure _that Mia knew beyond the shadow of a doubt just how much Clarisse loved her. This time around, she would put in the time and effort to build a real relationship with her only grandchild. There simply had to be a _balance_, and she knew she had to rely on the Lord, and on the wisdom of her dearest friend Joseph, to help her find it.

When Joseph arrived to have breakfast with Clarisse the next morning (after Clarisse had talked to Charlotte and informed her that neither she nor Joseph were to be disturbed for the next several hours), Clarisse was almost ready to just run up to him and throw herself in his arms, but she knew she had to restrain herself. She may have eventually gotten married to Joseph in the other timeline, but now, they were just friends and she didn't want to risk doing anything that would make him feel uncomfortable.

"Oh Joseph, you are indeed a sight for sore eyes," she told him just before they sat down to eat.

"As are you, Your Majesty. If I may say so, I have really missed you. We all have."

"Thank you. I've missed you too. I just really needed this time to myself in order to figure things out."

"I understand."

A moment later, Priscilla and Olivia brought breakfast to them, and they ate very quickly, both of them anxious to get all the eating and all the pleasantries behind them so they could simply come to the point. Joseph was extremely anxious to learn what Clarisse could have possibly seen in her latest prophetic vision that could have had such an impact on her, and Clarisse was even _more _anxious to explain everything to her closest friend and hear his invaluable perspective on it. However, as they hurriedly worked their way through the meal, Clarisse realized that she couldn't _possibly _explain _fifteen years _to Joseph within a simple conversation. Clarisse had seen it in the vision that there had been special times when God had not only prophetically opened her mind up to someone else, but had also allowed the other person to see into _her _mind. She was not at all sure if He would allow her to share this experience with Joseph that way, but when they were finished eating, she decided it was worth a try. If God would allow it, it would be far more helpful for Joseph to also experience what she did.

After they left the breakfast table and sat down on the Queen's couch together in the living area of her suite, she suggested it to Joseph.

"Clarisse, if God allows me to experience your vision for myself, and if that in turn will help me to help you, I am more than happy to oblige," he responded.

"Thank you very much, Joseph. Quite frankly, this is all far too much for me to try to figure out on my own. I really do need your help."

"Of course."

"After I first received it, I was physically and emotionally depleted. I immediately needed to go lie down, so if this works, the first thing I want you to do is go to your room and lie down for a while, and then I want you to take the next couple of days off work like I did so you can process this. If it works, I want you to take it easy for a little while, okay?"

"Understood," Joseph said with a smile. Her concern for his well-being, especially so soon after the loss of her son, really touched him.

In that next moment, Clarisse began attempting to access Joseph's mind, and almost instantly, she began sensing his thoughts. She was terribly grateful then that God was allowing her to share this with Joseph.

Clarisse then put her hand on his and warned him, "Brace yourself, Joseph. Here it comes."

He squeezed her hand and said, "I'm ready."

For about the next hour, Clarisse poured the entirety of her vision into his mind, all the while holding his hand. Under ordinary circumstances, of course, she would never hold Joseph's hand for such a long time, but after everything she just went through with the vision herself, she knew he would need the emotional support. She hadn't been sure if she should try to block the parts of the vision that involved them getting married, but in the end, she decided to hold nothing back. She certainly didn't want to make Joseph feel uncomfortable, but at the same time, she instinctively knew that it really would be better if he saw everything.

When it ended, Clarisse whispered in Joseph's ear, "Go lie down. Rest."

Joseph shook his head and said, "No need. I just need to sit here for a while. Just let me think."

"I understand. Take all the time you need."

Clarisse then called Charlotte and informed her that she would, in fact, be taking the rest of that day off as well, and she had her cancel all her appointments for the rest of that morning and afternoon. Perhaps it was a selfish indulgence, but she simply couldn't bring herself to leave Joseph alone. She knew exactly what he was going through and she wanted to keep an eye on him.

For about the next four hours straight, Joseph merely sat there on Clarisse's couch, as still as a statue. Clarisse eventually went to her desk and started getting caught up on a lot of the paperwork she'd missed over the past couple of days, but she still put her pen down about once every half hour or so to check on him. Finally, a little after one o'clock that afternoon, Clarisse suddenly felt both of Joseph's hands on her shoulders. She immediately put her pen down and got up from her seat.

"Do you want to go to your room for a while? Maybe be on your own for a bit?"

Joseph shook his head said, "No thank you, Clarisse. I'm alright. I'm _stunned_, but I'm alright."

Clarisse gave an understanding nod and said, "No wonder you're stunned. That vision really packs a hard punch."

"You took the words right out of my mouth. Obviously, you and I need to sit down and talk about this."

"Let's go back in here," I told him and he followed, and then we sat down together on the couch again.

"There are clearly a number of very important issues you and I have to deal with, here. I guess I'll get the worst of them out of the way first: Mabrey."

"Yeah," Clarisse groaned. The mere mention of his name now twisted her stomach in knots.

"If you'll forgive me for my bluntness, personally, I would like nothing better than to string him up by his genitals in our courtyard and cause him both an excruciating and an extremely embarrassing death."

"You took the words right out of _my _mouth, Joseph."

"Unfortunately, we can't do anything about Mabrey. Not yet. I may have been able to scare him into telling the truth about his involvement in Prince Philippe's death and have him dealt with accordingly in your vision, but under those circumstances, things were very different. We had Nicholas's testimony about the things his uncle had confessed to doing. Because of Miss Mia's increasing popularity in our country, he had lost a great deal of national support, and I was already in the process of weeding out all the traitors on my staff who had endangered her through their own carelessness on the job. But my gut tells me that Mabrey's evil runs much deeper than the evil we already know about: his involvement in Prince Philippe's death and in the eventual death of Miss Mia in the other timeline the Lord has shown us. I don't know how, but I think he has a lot to do with the ongoing enabling of abuse in our country. He is obviously an abusive man himself, from what all you and I have both seen of him. It only makes sense that he would be a part of the system Miss Mia helped to defeat. I want to run as deep and thorough an investigation of him as humanly possible, which will clearly have to be carried out in secret, and very, very carefully. It could take time – _a lot _of time."

"I understand. Do it. Do all the investigating you need to do. Use whatever resources you need."

"I will. I wish I could kill him with my bare hands right here and now, but that's not possible. I cannot just charge him with treason based solely on your vision alone, although I wish I could. I need to find all the facts first. I need to find out how many other people he's hurt besides the Prince, and it won't be that easy. Being the snake that he is, he doesn't hurt people directly. Like with Prince Philippe and Miss Mia, he does it _indirectly _with drinking buddies and rubber snakes and careless guards. That's why he's gone this long without getting caught. I'm terribly sorry, my dear, but until I can find out _everything _about Mabrey that I need to know, he's a knife in our gut that we're simply going to have to endure for the time being."

Clarisse shook her head and said, "Don't worry about it. Take your time. Run as careful and thorough an investigation of him as you need to. I understand that you need to find all the facts, and that that isn't going to happen overnight. If Mabrey has been harming other people in other ways, I want to know that as well. I want to know _everything _that snake has been involved in, and _all _the ways in which he has been harming the people of our country. And when all the facts about him finally are brought to light, I want _all _the proper charges brought against him, _and I want him dead._"

"Believe me, those are orders that as Royal Head of Security, I will be _extremely _happy to carry out. However, rest assured, during any and all state functions in which Mabrey is present, _I will _have increased security, and I will _always _be near you. _I will never _take my eyes off you for a single moment."

Clarisse smiled knowingly and told him, "I never doubted that."

"And that brings me to the second issue that needs to be dealt with, which is a lot more your province than mine: abuse in Genovia."

"Yes, I've been thinking about that. I'm certainly not going to just do nothing about this and leave it for Genovia's next ruler to deal with. I'm going to have a long talk with Sebastian, and I'm going to try and get my own version of the Protection Act passed _now_, not several years from now. With all those sexist old men in Parliament now, it'll certainly be an uphill battle, but I need to begin the work nonetheless. This is something I know that as Queen, _I must _deal with, and _now_, not later."

"I'm with you. You're absolutely right."

"There's the issue of ending Mabrey's life one day, and then there's the issue of trying to _save _a life. How am I supposed to call up my former daughter-in-law, a person I haven't seen in over _fifteen years_, and just tell her out of the blue that she has an aneurysm that needs to be fixed?"

"To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure, but you have to try. If she doesn't take you seriously when you first tell her, just be persistent. Keep calling her and keep nagging at her until she finally does go see a doctor about it. Just don't give up and don't relent until she listens to you."

"Right," Clarisse agreed. Then they sat there together in silent thought for a long moment or so.

Joseph then broke the silence. "There's a very dear, very special young lady in San Francisco," he said.

Clarisse teared up then, and she whispered, "I know. You know Joseph, I'm not used to being in any other role besides that of Queen. For almost my entire life, that's all I've ever been. Of course I always loved my sons, but even with them, I didn't know how to put the Queen aside and just be their mother."

"Philippe always knew how much you loved him, Clarisse, and so does Pierre."

"Yes, but Mia doesn't!" Clarisse suddenly cried out, surprising both Joseph and herself. "And I simply don't know _how_ to go about fixing that. I realize now how disrespectful it was of me in the other timeline to just immediately start pushing her so hard to agree to become our future Queen without letting her know in the _least _little way that I cared about her and was sorry for never being there for over fifteen years. I know that in much of the earlier years of our relationship, I gave her the impression that I cared far more about how well she performed as a royal than I did about _her_, even though I never meant to do that, and I know how much pain that caused her. I simply _cannot _make that mistake again.

"And anyway, perhaps this whole vision was actually a stern warning from the Almighty that allowing Mia to eventually become Queen of Genovia is really a terrible mistake. We've both seen it that Mabrey's nephew, this young Lord Nicholas Devereaux, _does _have the ability to overcome his uncle's influence and become a worthy, capable ruler someday. Perhaps what I'm supposed to do is just simply be a grandmother to Mia and _not _a royal mentor. And maybe I'm supposed try to do what I can to undo Mabrey's influence in his nephew's life so that he can be prepared, both mentally _and _morally, to take the throne when he comes of age. I probably shouldn't _ever _tell Mia that she's really a princess at all."

Joseph shook his head and told Clarisse, "You cannot withhold the truth about her identity from her forever. She has a right to know who she really is, and furthermore, she really _does _need to understand the whole truth about why her father and her grandfather never communicated with her throughout her life."

It was now Clarisse's turn to shake her head. "I won't bring her here to Genovia, Joseph. I won't let her anywhere near Mabrey. No, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that the safest thing to do is to simply let her live out the rest of her life – the rest of her _long _life – in San Francisco, in peace, _away _from deadly Genovian politics."

"Believe me, _I do _understand how you feel. Frankly, _I _want to do that too. But the decision is not yours _or _mine to make. It is _her _royal heritage, _her _life, and _her _decision. Just as you couldn't force her title on her in the other timeline, you also cannot hide it from her either. We may not like it, but she _does _eventually have to be told. I just don't believe it has to be all at once.

"I know you shared this vision with me because you wanted my input. Well, when it comes to Miss Mia, here it is. I personally believe that one of the biggest mistakes you made in the other timeline is that you forgot to trust God. At the end of the day, _He _is the one who decides the destinies of nations. Human beings may have their own free will, but the good Lord has a will too. God chose you to rule our country long before you were even born. I believe that with all my heart. I really do. And I believe that in the end, it will be _God_, _not _a bunch of old, sexist idiots in Parliament, and _certainly _not Mabrey or the von Trokens, who decides who will rule Genovia after you. You were so intently focused on trying to make Miss Mia agree to become our Princess that you forgot completely about working on your relationship with her, and that in turn ended up sending her some hurtful, damaging messages that I know you never meant to send. I think that this time around, you have to be Grandma first and the Queen of Genovia second, even though you're not always comfortable doing that.

"In the other timeline, you simply went too fast. This time around, I think the best thing you can do is to just slow down and take this relationship one step at a time. Before, you tried to convince her to agree to start getting ready to become the future Queen at the drop of a hat, and understandably, it scared her. This time, just write her a letter. You don't have to explain the entire situation all at once, but you _can _let her know that you're sorry you weren't a part of her life before and that you really _do _care about her and want to get to know her. And you can tell her that when _she_ feels ready for it to happen, you would like very much for the two of you to meet. And when she says she's ready to meet you, I think that then, you need to go to Prime Minister Motaz and ask him to take over for you here in Genovia for a while. I think that when it's time for you to meet her, you need to turn as many of your responsibilities over to Prime Minister Motaz and to Charlotte and Prince Pierre as you can, leave the issue of Genovia's next ruler in the capable hands of Christ, and go over to San Francisco and spend as much time with Miss Mia as possible. Given everything she's going through inside right now, the _last _thing she needs is to have the pressure of the fate of an entire country weighing on her, much less the fear of disappointing you or letting you down. She needs healing first and foremost, and you can help her find it. You can give her love. You can be there for her this time, and I think helping her through her pain might actually help you through a lot of your own. In the other timeline, Miss Mia found a great deal of healing by helping others through their pain. Helping her now might help you take your mind off some of your own grief. In the meantime, until she tells you that she's ready to meet with you, as Queen, you can get started working on the Protection Act with Prime Minister Motaz and you can begin to truly deal with the issue of abuse in Genovia. Working on your relationship with Miss Mia as Grandma and cracking down on abusers in our country as Queen will _both _be important ways for you to build a better foundation for her in the future, especially if she does decide to become our future Queen one day.

"Also, I think that this time around, it is imperative that _Miss Mia _be the one to call the shots, not you. In the other timeline, Miss Mia was not ready to become our Princess when she did, and although she did do an outstanding job as Queen, that position also was forced on her before she was truly ready. Obviously, at some point, she's going to need to open up about what happened to her, and I'm not sure how we can help with that, but I believe if you'll put the Queen aside for a while and take the time to really get to know her and build a strong relationship with her as Grandma, that'll really help. And if we can help her to begin to open up about it, then you can step in and see to it that she receives counseling from a _competent _therapist. I think a big part of the reason why not even counselors were able to get her to talk about it when she was little was because they weren't very good at their jobs. But again, _she _has to call the shots, here. Forcing things on her before she was ready was one of the things that did the most emotional damage to her in the other timeline. This time, let _her _decide when she's ready to meet you in person and begin a face-to-face relationship with you. Let _her _decide if she's interested in taking princess lessons or not. Let _her _decide whether or not to accept or renounce her royal title, and if she does decide to accept it, then let _her _decide when _she _feels ready to get the necessary makeover. That's going to be a difficult step for her to take, and it would be wrong for you to just force it on her without any warning like you did in the other timeline."

"I agree."

"And for the love of heaven and earth, please, _please_, keep Paolo the Pig away from that child!"

Clarisse briefly laughed for a second, shook her head, and said, "I don't know _what _I was thinking in the other timeline. I don't even know what I was thinking when I _hired _him in the first place!"

"I've often asked myself that," Joseph teased, and again Clarisse laughed and shook her head.

"That, uh…that's very sound advice, Joseph. Thank you. I agree with almost everything you said. It may not be easy for me, but _I do _need to learn how to put the Queen aside and be Grandma first. I guess because of the way I was raised, I've always been uncomfortable with giving any show of affection to anyone, even my own family, but if I'm going to be there for my granddaughter the way she needs me to be, then as a grandma, I'm simply going to have to step out of my comfort zone. Mia needs to be shown affection in order for her to know that she's loved. And, well, to be perfectly honest, even though I'm almost _constantly _in Queen Mode, after that vision, I keep finding myself thinking that there is _nothing _I want to do more right now than to just leave the palace; leave everything behind, pack my bags, get on a plane, fly to San Francisco, and hold that little child. I want to do everything you said. You're absolutely right. _I do _want Mia to be the one to call the shots this time and not me, and _certainly _not Paolo the Pig!" Joseph and Clarisse laughed together once again for a moment. "I want to build a relationship with her, a _real _relationship. I want to be someone she feels safe with; someone she can really talk to, and more than anything else, I want to get her the help she needs. However, I still think that it's better that she never be told the truth about her royal lineage. I think that vision was a warning to keep Mia as far away from Genovian royal life as humanly possible."

"Perhaps it was simply some strong guidance from the Lord, letting us know that we have to start dealing with Mabrey and with other abusers in Genovia _now _and not later, for our country's sake _and _for Miss Mia's. Perhaps if you start dealing with this by getting your own version of the Protection Act passed now, and perhaps if I'm able to deal with Mabrey now, and perhaps if you start building a stronger relationship with Miss Mia now and are able to get her the help she needs sooner rather than later, everything will have an entirely different outcome. Maybe if we go about it that way this time, Miss Mia will be able to eventually become our Princess and later our Queen when she is _truly _ready for it inside rather than it all being forced on her all at once. And maybe _that_, in the end, will be better for our country as a whole."

"Or perhaps it's better for Nicholas Devereaux to rule Genovia one day and not Mia. Perhaps living the life of a Genovian royal is too much for her after all she's already been through."

"That is a possibility, yes. But let's not jump to conclusions about that too quickly. I think with Miss Mia, you're just going to have to have a lot of patience and take things one day at a time, like the old hymn says."

"Yes, that's probably best," Clarisse agreed.

"I don't think we have to figure out _all _the answers about Miss Mia and the whole royal heir issue right now, at this very minute. I think it's best to tread slowly."

"I agree. But there is one more issue we obviously need to discuss, and ordinarily, I _would _go _a lot _more slowly than this, but frankly, I just don't feel like playing games or beating around the bush. I just want to tell you what's in my heart and come right to the point and let the chips fall where they may."

"I assume you're talking about us."

"Yes, I am. I'm not at all trying to make you feel uncomfortable, and if you don't feel the same way I feel, then that's perfectly fine. We can just carry on the way we always have as old friends and forget I ever said this. But the truth is, Joseph, way deep down in my heart, while I might have been married to Rupert all these years, _you _were always the man I'd _wished _I'd been able to marry. What I had with Rupert was much more of a business arrangement than an actual marriage. We both always treated each other with respect, and while Rupert could _really _be an arrogant, irritating snob at times, he was always an honorable, faithful husband to me. We were friends and we did care about each other, but our first duty, our biggest concern, in _both_ our lives, was always Genovia, never each other. No man, not even my own husband, has _ever _touched my heart the way you have. You always cared about what was happening in my daily life. You always cared about _me_, not just the Queen, and I always knew you didn't just care about me because it was your job as my royal bodyguard. I really _mattered _to you, and it showed. Obviously, as a married woman, there was _no way _I could ever be this honest with you about my feelings before, so I simply buried them as deeply as I could. But those feelings were always there, Joseph. Always. So anyway," Clarisse said with a sigh, "there's the truth. Now you know."

"Yes, I do. And now I think it's time for me to say my piece," Joseph answered, and then in one quick, sudden motion that almost startled Clarisse, he put his arms around her and gave her the kiss he'd been _yearning _to give her for _years. _

When the longest, most passionate kiss of Clarisse Renaldi's life finally ended, her cheeks turned a beet red, and she let out a small laugh of surprise and gasped, "Oh, my!" Joseph laughed with her for a long moment. Then she joked, "I take it this means you feel the same way."

"I always have, Clarisse. I always have. Did you really mean what you said about you wishing that I'd been the man you had married all along and not King Rupert?"

"Of course I did."

"And do you still feel that way? Do you still want to be married to me someday, like with what happened in your vision?"

"Of course I do."

"I realize Philippe died only two months ago. I know me buying you an engagement ring and making things 'official' between us, so to speak, would not be appropriate now. I also understand that because of your royal position and your political opponents in Parliament, our relationship will have to be kept a secret. I know we'll have to keep things strictly professional whenever we're around others. I'm okay with that."

Clarisse was really relieved to hear Joseph say that, and she told him, "Thank you, Joseph."

"Of course. But I want you to know that whatever we have to do, whatever we have to go through, however long it takes, I will _always _be there, and one day when the time is right, when either Mia or Nicholas Devereaux is on the throne and we know Genovia is in good hands, _we will _be together as man and wife like we've always dreamed. And I want you to know that even though the road ahead of us appears to be uncertain and dangerous right now, _we will _get through it all together. The journey ahead may not be an easy one, but we'll make it through, and we will also see to it that _our _granddaughter comes through this safely, and with the good Lord's help, we will _definitely _see to it that she lives _a lot _longer than thirty-one years."

Tears flooded Clarisse's eyes then because that was _exactly _what she'd needed to hear. "Thank you," she whispered through her tears, and a moment later, Joseph pulled her into his arms and kissed her cheek.

Clarisse and Joseph sat quietly together, in each other's arms, for a good long time. Then after they talked a little while, Clarisse had one of the servants come up and take the lunch they'd brought her downstairs to the kitchen to warm it up because it had gotten cold. Once they'd brought her food back to her, which had been more than enough for two people, Clarisse invited Joseph to have a late lunch with her. Once they finished eating, Joseph told Clarisse that he wanted to start to get to work on his investigation of Viscount Mabrey, and Clarisse knew she had to continue getting caught up on all the paperwork she'd missed as well, so they decided to say goodbye for now.

"Joseph?" Clarisse said to him after she walked him to the doors of her suite.

"Yes, my dear?" he responded, and her face really lit up to hear him call her that. Even if they couldn't tell anyone about their relationship for a long time to come, it still felt _so good _to _finally _be able to be completely honest with him in private about her feelings for him, and to know he shared them.

"I just want to say, thank you so much for everything. You _always _make me feel so much better."

Joseph smiled and told her, "That's what unofficial fiancés are for, my love."

"Like you said, it has only been two months since I lost Philippe, but still…I really don't think he would mind it if I gave you this," Clarisse said, and in the following moment, she kissed Joseph's cheek. Now it was _Joseph's _face that lit up.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he whispered, and after tenderly kissing her hand, he left.

After Joseph left her suite, Clarisse went back to her desk and continued her paperwork for the next several minutes, but no matter how hard she tried to force herself to concentrate on it, she simply couldn't. Her mind kept going back to the granddaughter she hadn't even met yet, but already loved more than the air she was breathing. Clarisse finally put her pen down and thought about it for the next couple of moments, and she decided that before she would initiate contact with Mia, she would call her mother first and ask her for permission to do so.

But even though she hadn't spoken to Helen yet, she just _had _to begin telling her dear little granddaughter what was in her heart, so she put aside all her paperwork, took a blank piece of paper out of her desk drawer, and began writing her first letter to Mia. Clarisse knew that Joseph was very right about what he said about the need for her to build a better foundation for her granddaughter as both a grandma _and _as a queen, and that work began right here, right now, with the pen in her hand. After pausing for a moment, trying to think of the right words, suddenly Lilly's words to her from her vision of the other timeline rang in her head as clearly as a bell, and she knew just what to say:

_My Dear Mia,_

_I realize that your father, your grandfather, and I must have really hurt you by never contacting you before now, and I want you to know that I am very sorry for the pain we caused you. I know I really hurt you by never being there, but I want to be in your life now. If it's alright with you, I'd really like us to spend some time together and get to know each other. I want to start making up for all the time I wasn't there before, if I can. However, I will not call you, write to you, or try to meet you unless you tell me that it's okay. I can understand it if you feel too hurt and angry to communicate with me now. Just know that if and when you ever feel ready to begin a relationship with me, I'll be right here waiting. If you decide that you want us to get to know each other first before we meet face to face, we can talk to each other on the phone or write letters to each other as much as you want to. It's all up to you._

_With all my love,_

_Clarisse (Or Grandma, whichever you feel most comfortable with)_

**To Be Continued…**

Dear readers,

Well, I want to send out a big **thank you **for coming with me this far. You're all very brave, ha. Thank you to everyone who has supported _Quiet Strength _through reviews, favs, or follows. That means so much. _Quiet Strength _may be ending here, but this story with our favorite characters is **not. **I hope to begin writing and posting the sequel to _Quiet Strength _sometime in the near future called _**Clarisse's Pearl**_, so be on the lookout for that. I hope to see you there, I **really **hope you enjoyed my big surprise at the end (as well as the rest of the story), and I hope you'll find _Clarisse's Pearl _as good of a story as you all seem to have found _Quiet Strength _to be. God bless, and see you all around! :)


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